我13岁的女儿一直缠着我要我告诉她孩子是怎么产生的。我还没准备好告诉她。我该怎么办?
My 13-year-old keeps bugging me to tell her how babies are made. I’m not ready to tell her. What do I do?
译文简介
你可能还没准备好，但她迫切需要知道这些事。在我看来，你和她的学校解释这件事都太晚了。她应该在10岁的时候就知道这些基本的东西，这样她的身体就不会在不知不觉中过度吸引她的注意。
正文翻译
My 13-year-old keeps bugging me to tell her how babies are made. I’m not ready to tell her. What do I do?
我13岁的女儿一直缠着我要我告诉她孩子是怎么产生的。我还没准备好告诉她。我该怎么办?
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You might not be ready, but she desperately needs to know these things. In my considered opinion, both you and her school have left it way too late to explain this; she should have known the basics when she was 10, so that her body would not catch her unawares.
As it is, you are setting her up to be caught unawares by an older boy. Don’t let that happen to her.
你可能还没准备好，但她迫切需要知道这些事。在我看来，你和她的学校解释这件事都太晚了。她应该在10岁的时候就知道这些基本的东西，这样她的身体就不会在不知不觉中过度吸引她的注意。
事实上，你是在给她下套让她被一个大一点的男孩发现。别让这种事发生在她身上。
Children often wonder that and may ask at a very young age. My mother said I asked about that at age 4, then a bit later, probably forgot and later at between 9 and 10, I wanted to know specifics. If you do not know how to tell your child the facts of life, get some help, there are many educational videos that help explain, so that you can do it sufficiently, yet not provide every single detail in graphic depths until they are mature enough to understand them!
But one thing is for certain, THEY WILL ASK and they do need to know, but the details can be handled carefully, yet clearly and they need to know BEFORE they reach puberty, meaning long before they are capable of reproducing!
孩子们在很小的时候就会问这个问题。我母亲说，我在4岁的时候问过这个问题，然后过了一会儿，可能忘记了，在9到10岁的时候，我想知道细节。如果你不知道如何告诉你的孩子生活的真相，寻求一些帮助，有很多教育视频可以帮助解释。所以，你可以充分地做到这一点，但不要提供每一个细节的图形深度，直到他们足够成熟，以理解他们!
但有一件事是肯定的，他们会问，他们确实需要知道，但细节可以处理得很仔细，但清楚，他们需要知道在他们进入青春期之前，也就是在他们有能力生育之前!
A 4-year-old is perfectly capable of understanding ALL the details of sex and reproduction. I’ve raised 10 kids, and shielding them is the absolute worst idea in nearly every case. It’s the best way to ensure they get accurate information, rather than some surreptitious peek at a porn site, or whatever.
4岁的孩子完全能够理解性和生殖的所有细节。我养了10个孩子，无条件为他们提供绝对的全方位保护是最糟糕的主意。
这是确保他们获得准确信息的最好方法，而不是偷偷偷看色情网站或其他什么。
Wow a 13 year old who has not been told how babies are made yet? Parental failure 101. Sorry but not sorry.
一个13岁的孩子还没有被告知婴儿是如何产生的? 绝对是父母的失败。
抱歉，但不抱歉。
You better explain in detail before one of her idiot friends tells her she can't get pregnant doing it doggy style or some other idiotic thing.
你最好在她的白痴朋友告诉她她不能用愚蠢的方式怀孕之前详细解释一下。
This seems like a troll question, one of those made up bullshit questions designed just to get people riled up.
这看起来像是一个钓鱼问题，是那些为了激怒人们而编造出来的扯淡问题之一。
Not a troll question at all but a very sensible one many parents wonder about. You are obviously very young intellectually despite your alleged qualifications you need to grow up.
这根本不是钓鱼，而是一个许多父母都想知道的非常朴素的问题。你显然在智力上还很年轻，尽管你有所谓的成长所需的资格。
If a girl is 13 and does not know how babies are made, it is an alarmingly high time to tell her. I was 6 years old when I figured it out and also learned about the menstrual cycle.
I sincerely hope she isn’t wondering what that blood thing is which happens once in a month.
如果一个13岁的女孩还不知道婴儿是如何产生的，那就该告诉她了。当我6岁的时候，我发现了这个问题，也了解了月经周期。
我真心希望她不会想知道每月一次的流血事件是怎么回事。
I figured out how babies were conceived and born by the time I was 14 without any sex talk from my parents whatsoever.
Strangely, I knew what circumcision was well before then and can remember asking my Grade 7 teacher what it was just to see if he would answer.
He only laughed for a long while with the look of awkwardness on his face.
在我14岁的时候，我知道了孩子是如何受孕和出生的，没有任何与父母的性谈话。
奇怪的是，在那之前我就知道割礼是什么了，我还记得我问我的七年级老师割礼是什么，只是想看看他是否会回答。
他只是笑了很久，脸上带着尴尬的表情。
I can only imagine that’s a troll question. Would have to lock their child up in the basement for them to not have found out by age 13.
Not to mention if they were so curious they’d google it.
Or maybe humans are more stupid than I imagined once again.
我只能想象这是钓鱼式提问。必须把孩子锁在地下室里，这样他们13岁时才不会发现。
更不用说如果他们好奇的话，他们自己也会去谷歌。
也许人类又比我想象的更蠢了。
In fairness, they could be an American in the Deep South. Such occurrences aren’t as rare as you’d think there. If you think the Northeast is free of such ignorance, you’re just luckily the recipient of a Northern European upbringing. I was vacationing in the Southern portion of my home state of New Jersey and some of the beliefs there would make the alt-right blush.
In short, us Americans can be pretty damn weird.
公平地说，他们可能是住在美国南方腹地的美国人。这种情况并不像你想象的那么罕见。
但如果你认为东北部没有这种无知，那么你只是幸运地接受了北欧教育。我当时在家乡新泽西州的南部度假，那里的一些信仰会让另类右翼感到羞愧。
简而言之，我们美国人有时候真的很奇怪。
I teach middle school students (13 yr olds) and coming into this profession I didn’t think they were as “advanced” as a lot of them are. Some of them are already doing it. If she doesn’t get this information from you I’m pretty sure she’ll get it from somewhere else (friends, internet, etc.). In my opinion I would definitely talk to her about it before she gets information from elsewhere. It’s better that the talk comes from you. Not just a talk about sex but about STDs, safe sex, all of it! You don’t want her getting false information from someone else. I think the fact that she’s trying to reach out to you for information is actually really good. My parents didn’t have “the talk” with me until I was 17. I love my parents but I wish they and a lot more parents would talk to their kids about all this a lot sooner!
我教中学生(13岁)，进入这个行业时，我曾认为他们大多数人并没那么“成熟”。
但有些学生已经开始性行为了。如果她不是从你那里得到这些信息，我敢肯定她会从其他地方(朋友、网络等)得到这些信息。在我看来，在她从别处得到消息之前，我肯定会和她谈谈。最好由你来发言。不仅仅是关于性的讨论，还有关于性病，安全性行为，所有的一切! 你不会想让她从别人那里得到错误的信息的。
我觉得她跟你联系是件好事。我父母直到我17岁才和我“谈”。我爱我的父母，但我希望他们和更多的父母能早点和他们的孩子谈论这一切!
I agree with the answer. It was similar for me too. I didn't get the talk until I was 18. It was more an off the cuff conversation on the ride home.
I was thinking, “dad, I'm an adult, this is a bit late lol, thanks for trying"
Yes kids talk. I found out about periods through a friend and my responses was “blood, from where!? No, that can't be right.”
It was a wtf moment that's for sure.
The good thing is where I live school taught sex ed which started at grade 5 (10 to 11 year olds). And continue for the following years. So yes we knew about periods, anatomy, sex, safe sex and STDs. The important stuff.
But yes, children talk. They share what they have heard including what their parents tell them which is sometimes about stalks bringing babies. And these days Google will give answer if one searches. And no it's not necessarily age appropriate stuff.
The OP isn't “feeling ready" yet their daughter is ready and has access to Google. It's likely the daughter knows something and has had a wtf, it can't work like that moment and is seeking clarity. And yeah, as I said, Google is not going to give an age appropriate response. That's the responsibility of the adults in her life.
我同意这个答案。我的情况也差不多。直到18岁，我才被告知。那更像是回家路上的即兴对话。
我当时在想：“爸爸，我是成年人了，这有点晚了，哈哈，谢谢你的努力”。
是的，我是通过孩子间的对话了解的。我是通过一个朋友知道经期的，我的回答是“血，从哪儿来的!？不，这不可能。”
那绝对是一个该死的时刻。
好在我住的地方的学校从5年级(10到11岁)开始教授性教育。并在接下来的几年一直在教授。是的，我们知道经期、解剖学、性、安全性行为和性传播疾病。都是重要的东西。
但是，是的，孩子们会交流。他们分享他们所听到的，包括他们的父母告诉他们的，有时是关于秸秆变成婴儿之类的。现在如果你搜索谷歌会给出答案。但，不，它不一定是适合这个年龄的东西。
提问者自己还没准备好，但你的女儿已经准备好了，也会自己谷歌。很可能她的女儿知道一些事情，但感到不可思议，她正在寻求真相。
是的, 就像我说的，谷歌不会给出一个合适该年龄的回答。这是她生命中成年的责任。
I totally agree. This is a test as to whether she can trust you with other uncomfortable subjects, such as drug use, pregnancy etc. You are fortunate that she is initiating this discussion, because many parents have secretive kids who go off the rails. And teen years can be the pattern for relationships as adults. Not always, because kids can get into bad company that you can't control. But a good relationship during their teen years definitely gives hope of a good relationship in adulthood
我完全同意。这是一个测试，看看她是否能信任你，告诉你其他让她不舒服的事情，比如吸毒、怀孕等等。你很幸运，她发起了这个讨论，因为很多父母都有秘密脱轨的孩子。
青少年时期可以践行成人模式了。并不总是这样，因为孩子们可能会遇到你无法控制的坏伙伴。但青少年时期的良好关系肯定会给他们成年后良好关系带去希望。
I was 13 in January 1955. My first period was in late August or September of that year, right before I started high school. I woke up with blood in my bed, scared about what happened, calling to my grandmother who raised me and probably didn't know how to give me the talk. But she had bought “sanitary napkins” and showed me how to use them. I had no talk ahead of time and when I was in 8th grade before this happened the girls who had had periods were taken aside to have the talk and I was excluded. I wish I had grown up in an era where I would have known enough to ask like this girl did.
1955年1月，我13岁。我的第一节（性教育）课是在那年的8月底或9月，就在我上高中之前。我从床上“血淋淋地”醒来，对发生的一切感到恐惧，打电话给抚养我长大的祖母，她可能不知道该怎么跟我说。
但她买了“卫生巾”，并教我如何使用。我在八年级的时候没有和别人谈论过性，在这之前，那些来例假的女孩都被带到一边被谈话，我被排除在外。
我希望我成长在一个我能像这个女孩一样有足够的知识去问这个问题（小孩是如何产生的）的时代。
”That talk” should have begun (only BEGUN) years ago, so YOU wouldn’t feel so awkward about the subject. In my opinion, the facts of human life and all its features should have been a constant area of discussion between you, and it’s awkwardly late at this point, for both of you. There are some fine books out there that could take YOUR place as the informant - so get one of those for her - obviously YOU are not yet ready, and this daughter of yours probably already has the capacity to “make babies”, but doesn’t know the details.
“这个谈话”应该在几年前就开始了，这样你就不会对这个话题感到尴尬了。在我看来，人类生活的事实及其特征应该是你们之间经常讨论的领域。现在这么晚了，对你们俩来说都有点尴尬。有一些优秀的书可以取代你的位置，选一本给她。
显然你还没有准备好，但你的女儿可能已经有了“生孩子”的能力，但不知道细节。
Then you had better to find someone who will IT ISN’T ABOUT WHETHER YOU ARE READY OR NOT. She wants to know and she needs to know. Does she even know she is going to get periods soon?
How are you going to protect her from unwanted pregnancy if she has no idea what goes on? someone will be glad to inform her and it would not be a good experience.
So grow up and get on with it, or find someone trusted who will.
那么你最好找一个愿意的人。这与你是否准备好无关。她想知道，也需要知道。她知道自己就要来月经了吗?
如果她不知道发生了什么你要怎么保护她不会意外怀孕?有人会很高兴地告诉她，但不会是一段愉快的经历。所以，成熟一点，继续做下去，或者找一个值得信任的人。
In France, human reproduction (from the medical standpoint but it also include the process of fecundation as it stands in a single sentence with LOTS of snickers) is in the program of biology in 5ème which is attended by teenagers between 11 and 13.
Also this is the age most people get their first periods in. Which means that if something happens this should be the age they learn what happens for their safety and peace of mind too. It's not criminal not to say, but getting a book on basic human biology would be the minimum if you don't want to talk about it. So that they at least know from a reliable and not fantastic source like porn or other 12 years olds.
在法国，11 ~ 13岁的青少年参加的5ème的生物学节目中包括了人类生殖(从医学角度看，也包括了生育过程，这是一场包含着大量笑声的对话)。
而且这也是大多数人第一次来月经的年龄。这意味着，如果有什么事情发生了，他们也应该在这个年龄知道发生了什么，这对他们的安全和内心的平静也有好处。
虽然不说不犯法，但如果你不想谈的话，买一本关于基本人类生物学的书是最起码的。这样他们至少可以从可靠而不是荒谬的来源了解相信信息，比如色情片或其他12岁的孩子。
I'm going to touch on something here that most won't want to consider. I've scrolled through a few answers to this question and not seen it mentioned.
What I'm going to talk about is sexual abuse. I myself am a survivor. I was abused by an older relative between the ages of 6 and 9 years old. The only sort of talk I had as a child, “good touch vs bad touch" was given well after the abuse happened. So young me had these things happening to me that I had no words to talk about. I couldn't tell anyone what was happening to me because I didn't understand exactly what WAS happening. And even after it came out during the above mentioned talk, sex and all that still wasn't explained. So at that point I knew “being touched there is bad" but nothing about why.
Periods weren't explained until mine started, and even then it was basically “oh…you started your period. You'll need these" while being handed some pads. No explanation of what it was or why it happened. It just was. I remember being at school around that time and other kids mocking me when they spoke about these sorts of things and I had no idea what they were talking about.
我将在这里触及一些大多数人不愿考虑的问题。我浏览了这个问题的一些答案，但没有看到有人提到它。
我要讲的是性虐待。我自己就是一个幸存者。我在6岁到9岁之间被一个年长的亲戚虐待。当我还是个孩子的时候，我唯一的话题，“好的触碰vs坏的触碰”是在虐待发生后进行的。我太年轻了，这些事情发生在我身上，我不知道该说什么。我不能告诉任何人发生在我身上的事，因为我不知道到底发生了什么。甚至在上面提到的谈话中，性和所有的事情都没有得到解释。所以在那一刻，我知道“在那里被触摸是不好的”，但不知道为什么。
直到我的月经来了，他们才对我解释，但即便如此，说的也是：“哦……你来月事了，你需要这些东西。” 同时递给我一些卫生巾。没有解释是什么或者为什么会发生。它就这样。我记得那时在学校，其他孩子在谈论这类事情时嘲笑我，我不知道他们在说什么。
It wasn't until I was 18/19 or so and I had my first boyfriend that I learned about sex, masturbation, male and female anatomy…and it was he who was trying to teach me. The relationship wasn't healthy, ultimately, and there was a lot he didn't teach me, but I had nothing to compare it to. No prior knowledge, no experience. It took over a decade and 2 affairs (both on my part, both with others who were probably better for me than my boyfriend was) I actually left that boyfriend for the second affair partner, and am much better off. He likes to point out that I am being “deprogrammed" from my first boyfriend. I am now learning about things like boundaries, proper consent, how important it is to feel safe, comfortable, to be able to just relax without worrying about what might happen…and I will point out that I am learning these things in my 40's.
Now….I don't necessarily regret my life. I am happy where I am. But I do have a lot of anxieties, issues, and hang-ups that I might not otherwise have had I been properly educated from the start. And I wish better for the generations that come after me.
我自己的身体结构也没有得到解释。我记得当我还是个十几岁的孩子时，我试着学会如何使用卫生棉条。我蹲在浴室的地板上，想弄清楚该把它放在哪里，然后用它随意地戳了戳自己，希望我运气好，它会不知不觉地跑到什么地方去。几分钟后，我尴尬地放弃了，把卫生棉条扔了，从那以后就一直用卫生巾了。
直到18/19岁左右，我有了我的第一个男朋友，我才学会了性、手淫、男女解剖学……是他教我的。这段关系并不健康，他没有教会我太多东西，但我也没有接收到什么与之相比更好的信息了。没有先期知识，没有经验。我花了十多年的时间和两段婚外情(都是我的，都是和其他人的，他们对我来说可能比我的男朋友更好)，我实际上离开了那个男朋友，和第二个婚外情伙伴在一起，我的情况好多了。他乐于指出，我不再被我的第一任男友摆布。我现在正在学习一些东西，比如界限，适当的同意，感觉安全，舒适，能够放松而不担心可能发生的事情是多么重要……我要指出的是，我是在40多岁的时候学习这些东西的。
我并不一定后悔我的人生。我对现在的生活很满意。但我确实有很多焦虑、问题和困扰，如果我从一开始就接受了良好的教育，这些可能不会出现。我希望我的后代能过得更好。
Please do so. The sooner the better. Give them the words so they can speak out if they are violated in that way. Give them the knowledge so they can form healthy relationships. Help them to understand themselves better, so that they can have a healthier relationship to themselves. Just…help them.
你的孩子需要被教导这些事情。我不希望另一个13/14岁的孩子蹲在地板上，试图弄清楚卫生棉条放在哪里，然后因为这种无知而经历所有的羞愧和尴尬。这是一种不需要也不应该存在的无知。父母可以也应该尽力消除这种无知。教育孩子是你们的责任。
请这样做。越快越好。跟他们谈一些话，这样当他们受到这样的侵犯时，他们可以大声说出来。给他们知识，帮助他们更好地了解自己，这样他们可以建立起更健康的关系。
真的……帮助他们。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处