中国男生调情/表达对你有意思的方式有何不同？

Quick-Worldliness904
In China if a man wants to flex his stuff and flirt with a woman it's very different to most countries.

在中国，如果一位男士想要展示自己的实力并吸引女性注意，其方式与大多数国家大相径庭。

I will list the things that impress Chinese ladies the most in order of importance.

我将按重要性顺序，列出最能打动中国女性的几件事。

Owning an apartment   

拥有一套公寓

Loads of money   

拥有大量财富

Owning a BMW, Audi or Mercedes

拥有一辆宝马、奥迪或奔驰

Owning a 2nd apartment

拥有第二套房产

Even more money   

更多的钱

Even more money   

更多的钱

Good looks   

好看的外表

Personality   

个性

A Chinese man must first assert his dominance by making his financial prowess known. One of the first topics will be that his parents helped him buy an apartment. The 2nd topic will be that he earns X amount of money. The 3rd topic will be his new BMW.

中国男性首先必须通过展示自己的财力来确立主导地位。第一个话题通常是父母帮他买了房子。第二个话题是他赚了多少钱。第三个话题则是他的新宝马。

Obviously a man who does not meet criteria "1" will not be worth any woman's time so criteria 2-8 will not be covered.

显然，一个不符合标准“1”的男人不值得任何女人浪费时间，因此标准 2-8 将不予讨论。

Double-Relative2682
Sure for dating/marriage, so if he didn't flex having an apartment (while being a student) he is clearly not interested in me

为了约会/结婚确实是这样，所以如果他没有炫耀自己有房（还是个学生），那显然是对我没兴趣

Quick-Worldliness904
My comment is slightly satirical and should not be viewed with too much discernment.

我的评论略带讽刺意味，不必太过较真。

I wish you luck.

祝你好运。

Double-Relative2682
Yes hence my emojis I completely understand

是的，所以我才用了这个表情。我完全理解

Thank you   

谢谢

FlashyHeight9323
Is it better if they did it independently because prowess or with family support to indicate greater backing?

他们独立做这件事是否更好，以证明个人能力？还是依靠家庭支持来表明有更强大的后盾？

ChR1sVI
Shy Chinese college students don’t flirt. I speak from experience. The majority of us lack that ability to interact with the opposite sex at that age. I reckon you can ask him how he feels as long as it’s private. Also don’t worry about him distancing from you. So long as he can tell your feelings are exclusive for him.

害羞的中国大学生不会调情。我是有亲身经历的。我们大多数人在那个年纪都缺乏与异性互动的能力。我觉得你可以私下问问他感觉如何。另外，不用担心他会疏远你。只要他能明白你的感情是专属于他的。

Double-Relative2682
Idk how do they get into couples in that case, sounds difficult . He is doing an advanced degree too so probably has dated a few times considering his age.

我不知道他们在这种情况下是怎么成为情侣的，听起来挺难的。他也在攻读高等学位，考虑到他的年龄，可能已经约会过几次了。

Thanks but even if he is sweet and won't react badly, he could feel upset that I hid my feelings and was acting like a normal friend, I feel dishonest. Of course my feelings are exclusive

谢谢，但即使他很温柔且不会反应过激，他可能会因为我隐瞒感情、表现得像个普通朋友而感到难过，我觉得这样不够坦诚。当然，我的感情是专一的。

Legitimate_Coat4873
In my experience, interested guys will buy me a lot of food and (not so) subtly flex their assets or family connections

根据我的经验，对我有意思的男生会给我买很多吃的，并且（不那么）巧妙地炫耀他们的资产或家庭背景。

My girl friends will straight up approach handsome guys and get their WeChat or ask me to do it for them

我的女性朋友们会直接去接近帅哥，要他们的微信，或者让我帮她们去要。

Double-Relative2682
He always brings snacks for me and I try to bring for him too, and he talked a bit about his family but not flexing. If only we were not already friends, then I would easily ask for his Wechat or flirt more

他总是给我带零食，我也尽量给他带，他稍微提过他的家庭，但并没有炫耀。如果我们不是已经成了朋友，我就能轻松地要他的微信或者多调情一下了。

condemned02
I find that when Chinese men like you, they show you alot of favouritism and protectiveness. And they like buy you things and treat you.

我发现，当中国男性喜欢你时，他们会表现出明显的偏爱和保护欲。他们喜欢为你买东西、请你吃饭。

At least that's my experience in my dating world with Chinese men.
 
至少这是我在与中国男性交往中的亲身经历。

Double-Relative2682
For sure he treats me and brings me things, but female friends also do the same for me and he is just a nice person. Now I think about it, I guess he doesn't bring much for the other girls in our group, but that's mainly because we meet 1:1 a lot too. Thank you for the advice

他确实会请我吃饭、送我东西，但我的女性朋友也会这样做，而且他本身就是一个友善的人。现在回想起来，我觉得他并没有为我们圈子里的其他女孩带太多东西，但这主要是因为我们经常单独见面。谢谢你的建议

condemned02
It's normal for Chinese female friends to do that with each other. My friends and I would always think of each other when we go shopping and see something we think they might like and get it for them. Like girls are just such good listeners and great at thoughtful gifts. 

中国女性朋友之间这样做很正常。我和朋友们逛街时，如果看到觉得对方会喜欢的东西，总会想着给对方买。女生们就是这样善于倾听，也擅长送贴心的礼物。

 But not so normal for a male Chinese friend to keep doing that like giving you gifts. Unless they like you. I know if a Chinese dude likes me, he pays extra attention to what I like or if I said I wanted to get something, he will get it for me. He will suddenly become a thoughtful gifter like my female friends. 

但如果是中国男性朋友一直这样做，比如不断送你礼物，就不太正常了。除非他们喜欢你。我知道如果一个中国男生喜欢我，他会特别关注我喜欢什么，或者如果我说想要某样东西，他就会买给我。他会突然变得像我的女性朋友一样，成为一个贴心的送礼者。

Like does he frequently text you and ask you to do stuffs? 

他是不是经常给你发信息，约你一起做些什么？

Double-Relative2682
He remembers a lot about things I say and like, he is really thoughtful with gifts and in general. But actually he doesn't initiate texts as much as other friends, even if he replies fast or sends lots back. We both ask each other to meet, about the same amount each

他记得很多我说过的话和喜欢的东西，送礼物时非常用心，平时也很体贴。但实际上，他主动发信息的频率不如其他朋友高，尽管他回复很快或回得很多。我们俩约见面的次数差不多，都是互相邀请。

condemned02
Well I think there is a high chance he is into you and won't reject you if you profess your interest to take this further. 

我觉得他很可能对你有意思，如果你表达想进一步发展，他应该不会拒绝。

Double-Relative2682
Thanks for the input!!

谢谢你的建议！

Altruistic-Try1560
"men from all backgrounds are often afraid to make a move..."

"来自各种背景的男性通常都害怕主动示好……"

thank goodness there are women who are brave lol.

谢天谢地，还有勇敢的女人，哈哈。

Your post is only for information on how to avoid having to risk being rejected by the boy you like...

你的帖子只是为了找到如何避免被你喜欢的男孩拒绝的信息……

Double-Relative2682
Pointless and rude comment, both guys I dated I was friends with and made the first move. But I knew they liked me. I'm halfway across the world and I'm unsure how he feels so I'm asking locals about it. Get a life

毫无意义且粗鲁的评论，我交往过的两位男友最初都是朋友关系且由我主动表白。但我能确定他们喜欢我。如今我身处地球另一端，无法确定他的心意，所以才向当地人请教。管好你自己吧

w1na
Simply put, if you don’t express interest, this is already dead is dead in the water. If they are a native Chinese living there, then the likely hood is they would be looking for a local partner as well and you’re not really on their radar; that is, until you express your interest to him. If you got friends in common, you could let them know that you have a crush or an interest in the guy. Then they could organize more meets where you would both be there, and then after some time you could try to suggest meeting one on one. I think this is the most local way to do it while making things not awkward in case he is not into it.

简而言之，如果你不表达兴趣，这段关系就已经胎死腹中了。如果对方是土生土长的中国人，那么他们很可能也在寻找本地伴侣，而你并不在他们的考虑范围内；也就是说，除非你向他表明心意。如果你们有共同的朋友，你可以让他们知道你对他有好感或感兴趣。这样他们可以安排更多你们都在场的聚会，过一段时间后，你可以尝试提议单独见面。我认为这是最本土化的方式，即使他对你没意思，也不会让事情变得尴尬。

Double-Relative2682
I agree that Chinese people/men would prefer local partners, and I will return to my home country in a few years. I'm not thinking about dating or whether we would work long-term, only how to understand any signals of interest from him.

我同意中国人/中国男性更倾向于选择本地伴侣，而且我几年后就会回国。我并没有考虑约会或我们是否会有长远发展，只想知道如何解读他可能发出的兴趣信号。

We do meet 1:1 but I am scared to tell our mutual friends in case they will tell him and it makes an issue in our group. When we are together just us he is more talkative, we joke a lot and even discussed travelling outside of Shanghai just us. But he does not hug me (or any of our friends), and never compliments me, so I assume he only wants to be friends and/or that he is more shy than men in my country, maybe it is a cultural difference

我们确实会单独见面，但我害怕告诉我们的共同朋友，怕他们会告诉他，从而在我们的小团体里引起问题。只有我们俩在一起时，他会更健谈，我们经常开玩笑，甚至讨论过一起离开上海去旅行。但他从不拥抱我（或我们任何朋友），也从不赞美我，所以我猜他只是想保持朋友关系，或者他比我国家的男人更害羞，也许这是文化差异。

w1na
If you don’t intend to date, then just go with the flow and enjoy his company as friends only, it will be alright.

如果你不打算约会，那就顺其自然，只作为朋友享受他的陪伴，这样也没问题。

Double-Relative2682
HMM true, I am just too nosy for my own good

嗯，确实，我就是太爱管闲事了

Brick_Bros
To see if he's interested in you:

要判断他是否对你有兴趣：

Look directly in the eye. If he keeps avoiding your gaze, he has probably feelings for you.

直视他的眼睛。如果他一直回避你的目光，很可能他对你有好感。

Deep down, shy people crave for love.

内心深处，害羞的人其实渴望爱情。

Double-Relative2682
Yes he really struggles to make eye contact, I notice this and I'm already shy. He looks down/away from me, or sometimes at my body, but not my eyes very often

是的，他确实很难进行眼神交流，我注意到了这一点，而我自己本来就很害羞。他会低头或避开我的视线，有时会看向我的身体，但很少直视我的眼睛。

hk120gb 
As a shy male, I can say that I am struggle to make eye contact with everyone and even camera.

作为一个害羞的男性，我得承认我连与人对视甚至看镜头都感到困难。

Double-Relative2682
Yeah so can mean nothing, hard to tell

是啊，所以可能没什么特别含义，很难判断

Zanna-K
You're overthinking it, IMO. There may be some nuances in how people signal their interest or how affection is displayed in public or whatnot but really the underlying elements are the same.

我觉得你想太多了。人们在表达好感、公开示爱的方式上或许有些细微差别，但本质上都是一样的。

Two people like to spend time with each other.

两人喜欢共度时光。

They find that there is a physical attraction and they want more intimate contact so they spend more 1:1 time doing ever more intimate things and having more intimate conversations.

他们发现彼此有身体上的吸引力，渴望更亲密的接触，因此会花更多时间一对一相处，进行越来越亲密的活动和对话。

They start initiating more physical touch. Often times sexual contact and intercourse follow eventually.

他们开始主动增加身体接触。通常，性接触和性行为最终会随之而来。

The fact that you're a foreigner actually gives you an advantage. Any sort of social faux paus is immediately excusable because you simply don't know any better. Also, you are in Shanghai - if there was ever a place for international romance in China it would be in the most international tier 1 city where there are a ton of foreigners.

作为外国人，这实际上给了你优势。任何社交失礼都会立即被原谅，因为你只是不了解情况。而且，你在上海——如果中国有哪个地方适合国际恋情，那一定是在这个国际化程度最高的一线城市，这里有很多外国人。

Like how often do you guys hang out 1:1? What are you guys doing? Do you dress up when you guys hang out as if you're trying to impress him? Do you guys always keep a distance when on these 1:1 outings or do you walk closer together sometimes like on a park bench or whatever? Do you share any information about yourselves that's more personal like your goals, backgrounds, dreams for the future, concerns?

你们通常多久单独约会一次？你们在一起都做些什么？见面时你们会特意打扮以给对方留下好印象吗？在单独相处时，你们总是保持距离，还是会偶尔靠得更近，比如在公园长椅上？你们会分享更私人的信息吗，比如各自的目标、背景、未来的梦想或担忧？

Also no shy guy has ever been made to feel awkward and unhappy by a girl that he spends a lot of time with telling him that she has feelings - that transcends culture. The only way it becomes awkward is if he doesn't feel the same way and then the person who confesses (you) MAKE it awkward. If you try to take your shot, he doesn't feel the same way, and then you pretend like you never did it then sooner rather than later he'll start behaving like it never happened either. This works both ways for both genders - PEOPLE HAVE TO MAKE THINGS AWKWARD IN ORDER FOR IT TO BE AWKWARD, IT DOESN'T JUST HAPPEN ON ITS OWN.

同样，没有一个害羞的男生会因为与他相处很久的女生表达好感而感到尴尬和不快——这是超越文化的。唯一会变得尴尬的情况是，如果他没有同样的感觉，而表白的人（你）让局面变得尴尬。如果你尝试表白，他没有同样的感觉，然后你假装什么都没发生过，那么很快他也会开始表现得像什么都没发生一样。这对男女双方都适用——尴尬的局面需要人为制造才会出现，它不会自己凭空发生。

Double-Relative2682
We hang out 1:1 a few times a week. I don't dress up because we usually go to the gym together or study in the university library. He never compliments my makeup or outfits, even if he looks at my body or hairstyle sometimes. We usually sit/stand kinda close but he doesn't hug me (or any of our friends). When our hands accidentally touched we both separated them

我们每周都会单独约会一两次。我从不刻意打扮，因为通常我们都是一起去健身房或在大学图书馆学习。他从不会称赞我的妆容或穿搭，尽管有时会打量我的身材或发型。我们坐或站得比较近，但他从不拥抱我（也不拥抱其他朋友）。当我们的手不小心碰到时，双方都会立刻分开。

I am shy to initiate any touch in case it makes him uncomfortable. He brings snacks for me so I sometimes bring for him too, but that is normal for friends. Aside from telling him his ideas are really good or he's funny, that's the most obvious thing I have done . Yes he always asks about me but again it can be normal if I'm a foreigner to ask my future plans and my background, right? It has got more personal over time but I'm unsure if it's just friendly. Thank you for the advice

我不好意思主动进行身体接触，怕让他感到不适。他常给我带零食，所以有时我也会带给他，但这在朋友间很正常。除了夸他想法很棒或很幽默，这就是我做过最明显的示好举动了吧。是的，他确实经常关心我的情况，但作为外国人，他询问我的未来计划和背景也属正常，对吧？虽然话题越来越私人化，但我仍不确定这仅仅是出于友谊。感谢你的建议。

nommapper 
He brings you snacks and checks you out? I think you should shoot your shot.

他给你带零食还打量你？我觉得你应该主动出击。

Double-Relative2682
He is kinda trying to hide that he looks but it is obvious. He could just have wandering eyes and also finds it hard to look in my eyes, so it is another place to look I guess. My female friends bring snacks too, so maybe he is just a nice person. For me it's so 50:50 if I am just imagining he likes me, if I shoot my shot he might feel hurt

他似乎在试图掩饰自己的目光，但很明显。他可能只是眼神飘忽不定，而且很难直视我的眼睛，所以我想他是在找别的地方看。我的女性朋友也会带零食，所以他可能只是个好人。对我来说，这就像五五开，我可能只是在想象他喜欢我，如果我主动出击，他可能会感到受伤。

Zanna-K
Hugging isn't that common for mainland Chinese anyway. It's starting to become more popular among younger people but I wouldn't count it as a way to determine whether someone has interest in you or not.

拥抱在中国大陆本来就不太常见。虽然这在年轻人中开始变得更流行，但我不认为这是判断一个人是否对你有兴趣的方式。

If you want to slow-roll it and build it up like in some kind of C-drama, do more 1:1 things that are more date-like. Going out to eat, going to leisure and fun locations. Dress up a little more than you usually would. It's starting to get a little warmer, maybe wear a cute skirt or dress with some accessories. When you're out and walking around or at a location like a zoo or something, find excuses to initiate touching like grab his arm to point things out or ask questions and let your hand linger a little longer than necessary.

如果你想慢慢来，像某些中国电视剧那样逐步发展，那就多做一些更像约会的一对一活动。一起出去吃饭，去休闲娱乐的地方。穿得比平时稍微讲究一点。天气开始变暖了，也许可以穿一条可爱的裙子或连衣裙，搭配一些配饰。当你们在外面散步或在动物园之类的地方时，找借口主动接触，比如抓住他的手臂指东西或问问题，让你的手停留得比必要的时间稍长一些。

If you really want to signal interest, ask if he has a girlfriend or if there are any girls he's interested in. Have dinner together and then find excuses to keep the night going - find some spots that you always wanted to see at night time in Shanghai, get a late night snack, sit and chat some more.

如果你真的想表达好感，可以问问他有没有女朋友，或者有没有心仪的女孩。一起吃个晚饭，然后找借口延长夜晚的时光——去逛逛你一直想看的上海夜景，吃点夜宵，坐下来再聊一会儿。

Like if there's good chemistry, you guys can keep up the good vibes/conversation, and you keep going on these dates I imagine you'll naturally progress towards more obvious stuff like buying each other gifts on special days, holding hands, etc. and making it official.

如果两人之间感觉不错，你们可以继续保持这种良好的氛围和对话，多约会几次，我想你们自然会逐渐发展到更明显的阶段，比如在特殊日子互送礼物、牵手等等，然后正式确定关系。

My understanding is that China is still a pretty conservative country when it comes to romantic relationships so for more serious relationships it may be expected that sex happens later - like women are supposed to be a bit coy and the man is supposed to win her over but that's probably thinking too far ahead based on where you are at now.

据我了解，中国在恋爱关系方面仍然相当保守，对于更认真的关系，可能期望性行为发生得晚一些——比如女性应该表现得有点矜持，男性则需要努力赢得她的芳心，但根据你们目前的情况，这可能想得太远了。

Double-Relative2682
Yeah that is thinking far ahead, if anything I've heard his province is more traditional too, and I don't have much sexual experience at all. So for me that could work. But I feel we cannot date each other since I will leave China and he will stay. Just wish I could at least understand his behaviours and if he feels the same.

是啊，这确实想得太远了。我听说他所在的省份更为传统，而我自己几乎没什么恋爱经验。所以对我来说，这样或许可行。但我觉得我们没法在一起，因为我即将离开中国，而他会留在这里。只是希望至少能理解他的行为，以及他是否也有同样的感觉。

I agree hugging is kind of rare too, but I'm shy to touch him on the arm or something for no reason in my country everyone hugs.

我也觉得拥抱在中国比较少见，但我不好意思无缘无故去碰他的手臂之类的。在我的国家，大家都会拥抱。

I don't dress up because we are so busy that our hangouts are usually productive, like gym or study sessions. I actually might try that and see how he acts I feel if he has a gf he would mention it to us, and not suggest me and him take a trip together, or buy snacks for me, or look at my body. But still for me those signs aren't clear enough interest either.

我没有特意打扮，因为我们太忙了，见面通常是为了做些正事，比如健身或学习。我或许可以试试看，观察他的反应。我觉得如果他有女朋友，应该会告诉我们，而不是提议我们俩一起去旅行，或者给我买零食，或者打量我的身材。但对我来说，这些迹象仍然不足以明确表示他的兴趣。

Thank you for your helpful advice!

谢谢你的宝贵建议！

Zanna-K
If he looks at your body, spends 1:1 time with you, and is making excuses to spend more extended 1:1 time (the trip together), is buying you little things that signify interest but are not risky (treats and snacks vs. more expensive or personal items) I'd say it's pretty clear.

如果他注视你的身体、愿意与你单独相处，并找借口延长独处时间（比如一起旅行），还送你些表达心意却不算冒险的小礼物（比如零食小吃而非贵重或私人物品）——在我看来这已经相当明显了。

To me it sounds like you are so risk adverse that you are waiting for some big giant obvious thing like he asks you out on a date or tells you that you are beautiful but I don't think that's going to happen because he is also like you - doesn't want to make a big huge risk.

你似乎过于规避风险，总在等待某种明确无误的信号，比如他正式邀约约会或直接赞美你的容貌。但我觉得这种情况不会发生，因为他和你一样——都不愿承担过大的风险。

Dating doesn't mean marriage. You can date just to learn more about each other and better understand the dynamics of being in a relationship. After all people don't always marry the very first person they date. Even if you split up when you leave, 10+ years into the future you will have an interesting story about the time you had an overseas romance in a far off land and fond memories. That doesn't sound so bad does it?

交往不等于谈婚论嫁。约会本身就是为了增进了解、探索相处模式。毕竟没有人会嫁给初恋对象。即便离别时分手，十年后回想起这段异国他乡的浪漫往事，也会成为值得珍藏的记忆。这样想来不也挺好吗？

But yeah dressing up a little is a tried and true method for men and for women. Young folks are already primed to pay extra attention to members of the opposite sex. When someone that you spend time with and you already have interest in suddenly looks even nicer because of their clothing/makeup/hair/whatever it is impossible not to notice.

不过，打扮得稍微讲究一点，对男性和女性来说都是屡试不爽的方法。年轻人本来就更容易关注异性。当你已经对某个经常相处的人有好感，而对方因为衣着、妆容、发型或其他原因突然看起来更迷人时，你不可能不注意到。

mblaqnekochan
If he’s traditional he could be one that dates to marry. If you don’t have plans to stay and he doesn’t want to leave his family then most likely he won’t want to move things forward to prevent hard feelings. I’m married to a mainlander and it’s definitely difficult at times when he misses home and his family.

如果他比较传统，可能属于那种以结婚为目的的恋爱类型。如果你没有长期留在这里的打算，而他也不愿离开家人，那么他很可能不会愿意推进关系，以免日后产生痛苦。我嫁给了一个大陆人，每当他思念家乡和家人时，确实会有些困难。