一个人可能因为什么最愚蠢的罪行而入狱？

Channing Webster
B.S. in Business Management & Writing, Urbana, Ohio (Graduated 2004)

钱宁·韦伯斯特 俄亥俄州厄巴纳市，商业管理与写作学士学位（2004年毕业）

I have the best answer to this question. In 1994 I was in federal prison with a guy who got 4 months for violating the endangered species act. Here's his story best I can remember it:

我对这个问题有最精彩的答案。1994年，我在联邦监狱里遇到一个家伙，他因为违反《濒危物种法》被判了4个月。以下是我记忆中他的故事：

Dude is from Tennessee and goes on vacation to Florida with the wife and kids. One day at the beach the kids come across some baby turtles, two of which they managed to smuggle back to the hotel without telling mom or dad. When the parents discovered what happened they made the poor decision to bring the turtles back home to Tennessee.
So the guy says it wasn't too long before the turtles tripled and then quadrupled in size. He said after a few months it was costing $50 a day in seafood to keep the turtles alive and they were about to outgrow the inflatable pool that he had set up in his garage.'

那哥们来自田纳西州，带着老婆孩子去佛罗里达度假。有一天在海滩上，孩子们遇到了一些小海龟，其中两只被他们瞒着父母偷偷带回了酒店。当父母发现后，他们做出了一个糟糕的决定：把这两只海龟带回田纳西州的家。那哥们说没过多久，海龟的体型就翻了三倍，然后又翻了四倍。他说几个月后，光是为了养活它们，每天就要花50美元买海鲜，而且它们的个头马上就要超过他在车库里搭的充气泳池了。

This is the best part: The guy knows at this point that he has two sea turtles that he is incapable of husbanding, so he starts calling around to aquariums to see if they will take the turtles off his hands. The answer he gets from most is that because they won't survive in the wild and that they get too large and live too long to keep in captivity, they'd most likely be uthenized. IOW, he should kill the turtles and be done with it. He said he'd never ever do that (guy was a committed vegan in 1994 if that tells you anything). So finally the guy gets in touch with somebody at the University of Miami who agrees to take the turtles off his hands.

最精彩的部分来了：这时候他知道自己已经养不起这两只海龟了，于是开始四处给水族馆打电话，看能不能把它们送走。大多数地方给他的答复是，因为这些海龟在野外无法生存，而且体型长得太大、寿命太长，不适合圈养，所以很可能会被安乐死。换句话说，他应该杀了海龟一了百了。他说他绝对做不出这种事（这哥们1994年就是个坚定的素食主义者，这能说明点什么）。最后，他联系上了迈阿密大学的一个人，对方同意接收这两只海龟。

The guy said he loaded up the turtles into his van and headed down to Miami the same day they agreed to take them in. Of course when he got there the folks at US Fish and Wildlife were there to slap the cuffs on him for taking the two turtles.

那哥们说，在对方同意接收的当天，他就把海龟装上货车直奔迈阿密。当然，等他到了那里，美国鱼类及野生动物管理局的人早已恭候多时，以带走海龟为由给他戴上了手铐。

He pled guilty, got 4 months and house arrest plus had to pay around $15,000 for the cost of rehabilitation and release back into the ocean. He was a young guy with a wife, little kids and not a lot of money. Most of the guys in prison said he was crazy for not killing those turtles and getting on with his life. However, the guy seemed weirdly OK with the whole thing. I guess in his mind he did whatever it took to make up for taking the turtles out of the ocean in the first place. Plus he has one hell of a story to tell his grandkids at the beach one day.

他认罪了，被判4个月监禁外加软禁，还要支付大约15,000美元用于海龟的康复和放归大海。他当时还年轻，有老婆有小孩，也没多少钱。监狱里的大多数人都说他疯了，不杀了那些海龟赶紧过日子。但这哥们似乎对整件事出奇地坦然。我猜在他心里，为了弥补当初把海龟带出大海的过错，他愿意付出任何代价。而且，将来在海滩上，他也有一个传奇故事可以讲给他的孙辈听。

Shahab Akhavan Studied History

沙哈布·阿卡万 历史专业

When I went to jail, my cellmate was this very nice Mexican guy in his early 60’s. I asked him how long he was serving; he said six months, and he had already served three months of it. I asked him what happened - he said he was driving, and he got pulled over, and his car was searched - the cops found 6 Vicodin in his car.
He didn’t even know what Vicodin was and he had never even done drugs in his life. His friend had borrowed his car a week earlier, and had left those pills in it; he thought nothing of it and was just holding them until he saw him again.

我坐牢的时候，狱友是个非常好的墨西哥人，六十出头。我问他要蹲多久，他说六个月，而且已经蹲了三个月了。我问他出了什么事——他说他当时在开车，被警察拦了下来，车被搜查了——警察在他车里发现了6颗维柯丁（一种止痛药）。
他根本不知道维柯丁是什么，这辈子也从来没碰过毒品。一周前他朋友借过他的车，把那些药片落在里面了；他没当回事，只是先收着，等下次见到朋友再还给他。

But here he was, serving six months in jail for a couple of pills. The funny thing is I was there for the same reason, but I had 8 Adderall. The only difference is I had a scxt for it, but I just didn’t have it on me. But I was in jail for 12 days until my cousin was able to show them my scxt, and I was released. But this poor guy had to serve his whole sentence.
So yeah it’s silly when you have a rapist and child offender serving less time, but here you have a guy serving six months, for a bit of Tylenol and a bit of hydrocodone.

可他就因为这几片药，在监狱里蹲了六个月。好笑的是，我也是因为同样的原因进去的，但我带的是8颗阿得拉尔（一种中枢神经兴奋剂）。唯一的区别是我有处方，只是当时没带在身上。我在里面待了12天，直到我表弟把处方拿给他们看，我才被释放。但这个可怜的家伙却不得不服满整个刑期。
所以说，当强奸犯和虐待儿童犯的刑期比这还短，而一个人却因为一点点泰诺（对乙酰氨基酚）和一点点氢可酮（维柯丁的成分）要蹲六个月，这简直太荒谬了。

Tom Jones
Upvoted by Norbert Lucky, PhD Law (1900)

汤姆·琼斯 获诺伯特·拉基点赞，法学博士（1900年）

Years ago I was a defense attorney in Texas. I was in Federal court when the magistrate called me over. He said that there was a man being held in jail who needed an attorney, so he appointed me. Most criminal defendants cannot afford an attorney, and most criminal defense attorneys accept appointments on a regular basis. In any event, I went out to the jail facility and met with my new client. It was a young fellow who had been in jail for 3 months. I listened to his story and I was shocked, saddened, and amused.

几年前，我是得克萨斯州的一名辩护律师。有一次我在联邦法院，治安法官把我叫了过去。他说监狱里关着一个需要律师的人，于是指定我为他辩护。大多数刑事被告都请不起律师，而大多数刑事辩护律师也会定期接受这种指定辩护。不管怎样，我去了监狱见我的新委托人。那是个年轻人，已经在里面关了三个月了。听完他的故事，我既震惊又难过，同时也觉得很荒谬。

This fellow had gone hunting. While hunting he had shot some ducks. He was hunting at a local lake which is on a federal waterway and is maintained by the US Corps of Engineers. After hunting all day he traveled back into town and went to a local Chinese restaurant to eat. The young man knew the restaurant owner very well. He brought in two ducks and gave them to the restaurant owner. The restaurant owner offered to purchase the ducks, but the young man said no, they were a gift from him to the owner for being good friends. The young man ate his dinner. As he went to leave, the owner of the restaurant came by and laid $5 on the young man's table. He said the money was for the ducks. The young man refused to take the money, and then finally grabbed it up and put it in his pocket to make the owner stop bugging him. He went to the cashier and paid for his meal, then left.

这小伙子去打猎，打了几只鸭子。他是在当地的一个湖里猎鸭的，那个湖属于联邦水道，由美国陆军工程兵团管理。打了一整天猎后，他回城去了一家当地的中餐馆吃饭。这年轻人和餐馆老板很熟。他拿了两只鸭子送给老板。老板提出要买下来，但年轻人说不用，这是作为好朋友送给他的礼物。年轻人吃完饭后准备离开，老板走过来在他桌上放了5美元。老板说这钱是买鸭子的。年轻人拒绝收钱，但最后为了让老板别再纠缠，他还是一把抓过钱塞进了口袋。他去收银台结了饭钱，然后就离开了。

What the young man did not know is that sitting at another table was the local Federal game warden. He observed the entire transaction. He saw the owner give the young man the $5 bill for the two ducks. Muscovy ducks. This was a violation of the federal hunting laws (50 CFR 10.13). The game warden arrested the young man in the parking lot and took him to jail. And there he sat.

这年轻人不知道的是，邻桌坐着当地的联邦狩猎监督官。他目睹了整个过程。他看到老板给了年轻人5美元买那两只鸭子——那是两只麝香鸭。这违反了联邦狩猎法。狩猎监督官在停车场逮捕了这个年轻人，并把他送进了监狱。他就这么一直关在里面。

He couldn't afford counsel because he had been out of work. Over the three months incarcerated he lost his pickup, his mobile home, and his wife. The final punishment was time served, which I was able to get for him the very next day.
All over two ducks and five bucks.

因为失业，他请不起律师。在被关押的三个月里，他失去了他的皮卡、他的移动房屋，还有他的妻子。最终的判决是“刑期已服满”，我在第二天就帮他争取到了这个结果。
就为了两只鸭子和五块钱。

Paul Davis
BASI alpine level 2 Ski Instructor at Edinburgh, UK (2017–present)

保罗·戴维斯 英国爱丁堡BASI二级高山滑雪教练（2017年至今）

Here's a kid, his names Josh Pillault (you can google him). He was sent to prison for six years, why?

这有个孩子，叫乔希·皮洛特（你可以去搜搜他）。他被判了六年，为什么？

On October 4, 2012, then 19-year-old Josh Pillault got into an argument on Runescape. (yes, Runescape) Another player called Pillault insane and told him to commit suicide. The argument only escalated from there, and at some point in his response, Pillault said he would "level" local Mississippi high school Oxford High. Pillault also alluded to the Columbine shooting, and said he could not "wait to blow brains out of skulls."

2012年10月4日，当时19岁的乔希·皮洛特在《符文之地》（对，就是那个游戏）里和人吵了一架。另一个玩家骂皮洛特疯子，让他去死。争吵由此升级，皮洛特在回骂时说他要去“铲平”密西西比州当地的牛津高中。皮洛特还影射了哥伦拜恩校园枪击案，说他迫不及待要把人的“脑浆轰出来”。

Four days later, on October 8, 2012, the FBI arrested Pillault in his home in Mississippi. According to his case file, he was charged with "knowingly and willfully communicating a threat by means of the internet, an instrument of interstate and foreign commerce, concerning an attempt to kill and injure individuals and unlawfully damage and destroy buildings by means of fire and explosives." (Note: Pillault's case file says he was arrested in October 2014. This is an error. The correct dates can be found in the FBI's records of the arrest.)

四天后，也就是2012年10月8日，联邦调查局（FBI）在他密西西比州的家中逮捕了他。根据案卷，他被控“利用作为州际和对外贸易工具的互联网，故意和蓄意地传达威胁，涉及企图杀害和伤害个人以及通过纵火和爆炸非法破坏建筑物”。（注：皮洛特的案卷显示他于2014年10月被捕，这是个错误。正确的日期可在FBI的逮捕记录中找到。）

Pillault does not deny that he made those threats. As he said in his video, "I trolled him, went as hard as I could to get a reaction out of him, and I accidentally made the government very, very upset." However, it was just a bad joke to him. Pillault maintains that he never had any intention to act on the threats. "I do not and have never had any intention of killing a human being," he said. This is why I think the system is flawed, especially in an age where almost everything is over the internet these days... these lawyers and judges are very two dimensional and wouldn't understand the first thing about "trash talk" or "trolling" they simply read it in black and white and throw the book at you.

皮洛特并不否认他说过那些话。正如他在视频中所说：“我就是想逗他玩，想尽可能激怒他，结果不小心让政府非常非常不爽。”但对他来说，这只是个恶意的玩笑。皮洛特坚称他从来没有任何实施威胁的意图。“我现在没有，过去也从来没有杀任何人的意图，”他说。这就是为什么我认为这个系统有缺陷，尤其是在这个几乎一切都在网上的时代……这些律师和法官太死板了，根本不懂什么是“喷垃圾话”或“网络钓鱼”，他们只是照本宣科地死读文字，然后给你最重的判决。

With over 30 pages of transcxts from the Runescape server you can clearly see it was sarcasm, the number of petty schoolboy insults like "hey retard you're trash" it's pretty blatant for anyone under the age of like 30 to know this wasn't serious, yet the FBI still thought it would be a good idea to waste six years worth of taxpayer money to house, feed and clothe a harmless kid in a high security prison with murderers and rapists. Even after they totalled his parent's house and completely swept it for guns, explosives, journals etc and found NOTHING alluding to his comment being anything more than a joke, didn't matter to the FBI. They threw the book at him regardless.

光是《符文之地》服务器的聊天记录就有30多页，你能清楚地看到那是讽刺，里面全是像“嘿傻子你真菜”这种小学生式的侮辱，任何30岁以下的人都能一眼看出这不是认真的。然而FBI仍然认为，浪费纳税人六年的钱，把一个无害的孩子关在最高安全级别的监狱里，和杀人犯、强奸犯同吃同住，是个好主意。即使他们彻底搜查了他父母的房子，翻遍了枪支、炸药、日记等等，结果什么都没发现，证明他的言论只是个玩笑，FBI也不在乎。他们还是重判了他。

Luckily he wasn't murdered during his six-year sentence, so when he got out he made a video answering all questions and explaining everything. If this story of the "Runescape felon" piques your interest like it did mine feel free to give it a watch. Moral of the story: don't make graphic jokes on a video game.

幸运的是，他在六年刑期里没被人杀掉，所以出狱后他拍了个视频回答所有问题并解释了一切。如果你也像我一样对这个“《符文之地》重刑犯”的故事感兴趣，不妨去看看。故事的寓意是：别在电子游戏里开血腥暴力的玩笑。

edit: quite a couple armchair lawyers in the comments regurgitating the same thing, I'll reiterate. When I wrote this I was more so talking about the punishment and not the crime itself(although the crime technically is silly, because you have got to be silly to do something like this) as a first time offender, a six year sentence in prison with gangs of felons is practically a death sentence and in 99% of cases just makes first time offenders either get killed, commit suicide from depression, or join a gang and go on to commit even more crime.

编辑：评论区里有不少纸上谈兵的“律师”在老生常谈，我再重申一遍。我写这个主要是在谈论惩罚的力度，而不是罪行本身（虽然从技术上讲这罪行确实很蠢，因为干出这种事的人肯定很蠢）。作为初犯，在满是重刑犯帮派的监狱里蹲六年简直是死刑，99%的情况下，这只会导致初犯要么被杀，要么抑郁自杀，要么加入帮派从而犯下更多罪行。

Everyone has an opinion, and mine is that although he definitely broke the law and needed to take the legal backlash for his choice of words, you need to lack basic reasoning if you think six years in federal prison is a fair plea deal. That's just taxpayers money wasted no matter how you look at it. It costs around 30 grand a year PER INMATE. And around 90billion$ a year in total, all coming straight out the taxpayers back pocket. There are people in prison that actually shot someone doing less than a six piece. thanks for all the upvotes guys.

每个人都有自己的看法，我的看法是：虽然他确实违法了，也需要为他的言辞承担法律后果，但如果你认为六年联邦监狱刑期是公平的认罪协议，那你肯定缺乏基本的判断力。不管怎么看，这都是在浪费纳税人的钱。每个囚犯每年大约要花掉3万美元，总共每年约900亿美元，这些钱直接出自纳税人的腰包。监狱里有些人真的开枪打了人，刑期却还不到六年。谢谢大家的点赞。

Og Lewisone
Gallery Artist and Consumer Psychologist

奥格·刘易森 画廊艺术家兼消费心理学家

I was painting a mural for a city project in Denver in the early 1990s when an activist, who did not like public art, got a cop and informed them of an obscure law that if a person is in possession of more than 6 cans of spray paint that it was considered “Possessing Spray Paint with intent on committing vandalism” despite what you might be actually doing with them….
Well, I happened to have in my possession over 1400 cans of spray paint for this particular project in a giant on site storage locker and the police decided to “go with it” and I was placed under arrest and charged with a felony “Conspiracy to commit Vandalism” Charge of some sort.

90年代初，我正在丹佛为一个城市项目画壁画。有个不喜欢公共艺术的活动家叫来一名警察，并举报说有一条生僻的法律规定：如果一个人持有超过6罐喷漆，就会被视为“持有喷漆并意图破坏公物”，不管你实际上拿它来做什么……
嗯，我当时为了这个项目，恰好就在现场的一个巨大储物柜里放了1400多罐喷漆。警察决定“公事公办”，于是我被捕了，并被控以某种形式的重罪——“合谋破坏公物”。

After many court appearances and offers for a dumbed down of charges, I finally got my day in court and the jury that was chosen could not stop laughing during the trial because of the stupidity so the judge made the decision to let the jury go, reprimand the prosecution for dragging this out, had the police officer and his superior removed from their job, and fined the activist for the court costs.
I decided not to file a civil suit for the activist at that time.

经过多次出庭和检方提出的降格指控协商后，我终于等到了开庭日。选出的陪审团在庭审期间因为案情太荒谬而笑得停不下来。于是法官决定解散陪审团，斥责检方拖延时间，将那名警官及其上司撤职，并责令那名活动家支付法庭费用。
当时我决定不针对那名活动家提起民事诉讼。

Forrest Marler
Retired after 30+ years as a Mathematics/Physics professor

福雷斯特·马勒 拥有30多年教龄的数学/物理学教授，现已退休

Silliest Reason? - How about because I paid a ticket for a burned out taillight.
Back in 1983, I was returning home from a winter vacation. I got pulled over for speeding but the officer was nice and only gave me a ticket for having a taillight out. When I got home, I mailed in a check for the fine. Jump ahead two years. I’m on my way to a teachers in-service in a rural town, and yes again I was pulled over for speeding. (NOTE: same state but in a different county 400 miles away).

最荒谬的理由？——因为我付了一张尾灯烧坏的罚单，这个理由怎么样？
早在1983年，我寒假回家的路上。我因为超速被拦了下来，但那个警官人很好，只给了我一张尾灯坏掉的罚单。回家后，我寄了一张支票去交罚款。时间快进两年。我正开车去一个乡村小镇参加教师在职培训，没错，我又因为超速被拦了。（注：同一个州，但在400英里外的另一个县）。

The officer told me that I needed to follow him into town due to a warrant out for my arrest. When I got to the sheriff’s office, they told me I had an outstanding ticket that had never been paid. I said I had paid it. A search showed that, oh yes I did but…the check had arrived a day late.
Now while I could leave with the new ticket, I couldn’t leave until the late fines on the two year old ticket were paid. And of course they don’t take checks, I didn’t have the cash or a credit card on me, and being 1985, there were no ATM’s in this little town at the time. So I’ve got to go to jail.

警官告诉我，因为有一张逮捕令，我需要跟他进镇里。到了治安官办公室后，他们告诉我有一张未付的罚单。我说我付过了。查了一下记录显示，哦，我确实付了，但是……支票晚到了一天。
虽然我可以带着新的罚单离开，但必须先把那张两年前的罚单产生的滞纳金交了才行。当然，他们不收支票，我身上没带现金也没带信用卡，而且那是1985年，这个小镇当时还没有自动取款机（ATM）。所以我得去坐牢。

Then the Sheriff walked in. “I’M NOT GOING TO JAIL A GUY FOR A BUSTED TAILLIGHT TICKET HE PAID OFF.” He let me write him a personal check and he paid the fees for me. You can bet I made sure that check was good.
While I’d like to think that the sheriff was helping me out of a ridiculous situation (which he did), I know that if the newspapers had gotten word of this, the headlines would have been, “Math Teacher Jailed for Paying Two Year Old Ticket for Burned Out Taillight”. Plenty of embarrassment to go around.

就在这时，治安官走了进来。“我才不会因为一张已经付清的尾灯罚单把人关进监狱。”他让我给他写了一张个人支票，然后替我垫付了费用。我可以向你保证，我那张支票绝对没问题。
虽然我愿意相信治安官是为了帮我摆脱这种荒谬的处境（他确实帮了），但我知道如果报纸知道了这件事，头条肯定会是：“数学老师因支付两年前的尾灯罚单而入狱”。这可真是个天大的笑话。

Will Rogers
Texas Master Law Enforcement Officer (1987–present)

威尔·罗杰斯 得克萨斯州高级执法官（1987年至今）

When I worked in our county jail an agency that had a rule that, if a motorist had an active warrant the officer had no choice but to make the arrest.
One man came in, and he and the officer were laughing and joking as they came through the safety vestibule. The arrestee was obviously not giving the officer any trouble. In fact, the officer looked a bit embarrassed over the whole thing. Then we found out what the warrant was issued for: Dog at large.

我在县监狱工作时，所在的机构有一条规定：如果有未执行的逮捕令，警官别无选择，必须实施逮捕。
有一次一个男人被带进来，他和警官穿过安全门廊时还在有说有笑。被捕者显然没有给警官制造任何麻烦。事实上，警官自己看起来都对整件事感到有点尴尬。后来我们才知道逮捕令是因为什么发的：狗没拴绳。

Apparently he had been cited for not having his dog on a leash at a city park, and had forgotten about it. The court, per their usual protocol, issued a warrant for failure to appear.
The warrant listed both the bond amount and the fine and fee due the court. The guy was booked into the jail, and then produced enough money to pay the fee and fine. I think he was in our custody for a total of 21 minutes.

显然，他因为在城市公园没给狗拴绳被开了罚单，但他忘了这回事。法院按照常规程序，因他未出庭而签发了逮捕令。
逮捕令上列出了保释金数额以及应付法院的罚款和费用。这家伙被登记入狱后，立刻拿出了足够的钱支付费用和罚款。我想他总共被我们关押了21分钟。

Stefan Ćertić
CEO / Founder at VROfficeplace (2019–present)

斯特凡·切尔蒂奇 虚拟现实办公场所 首席执行官/创始人（2019年至今）

hahaha… Memorable. I sent kids to another town (to my parents) and decided to spend a night clubbing with my wife. We arranged to see some friends in a club, got in a car, stop at the gas station. I bought cigarettes and a can of beer for a nice start of the night. (Drinking one can is considered allowed < 0.3 promille of alcohol).

哈哈哈……真是难忘。我把孩子们送到另一个镇上（我父母家），决定和妻子去夜店玩一晚。我们约好在俱乐部见几个朋友，上了车，在加油站停了一下。我买了包烟和一罐啤酒，想给这一晚开个好头。（喝一罐通常被认为是允许的，酒精含量<0.3‰）。
我们在俱乐部附近找停车位时，被巡逻队拦下进行例行酒精检测。他们用呼气检测仪查了我，结果是零，于是说：“这是您的证件和驾照，先生晚安。”

We were unable to find a parking at the end o that street, everything was full, so I decided to go back and try my luck at the beginning of the street. I was thirsty and I took a sip from the can. (Everything was happening within few minutes). I got stopped by the very same patrol in different direction (after 5 minutes since the first stop). They tested me again. I was like - but you tested me five minutes ago. It was like ‘Sir, we tested 30 drivers in last five minutes). Ok, I said fine no problem. Did a test, and it showed 1.6 promilles. (That’s equivalent to drinking 10+ cans).

我们在街尾没找到停车位，都停满了，所以我决定开回去，去街头碰碰运气。我有点渴，就喝了一小口啤酒。（这一切都发生在几分钟内）。我在反方向被同一支巡逻队拦下了（距离第一次停车5分钟后）。他们又要测我。我说——但你们五分钟前刚测过我啊。他们说‘先生，过去五分钟我们测了30个司机’。好吧，我说没问题。测了一下，结果显示1.6‰。（这相当于喝了10多罐啤酒）。

It was already too late as other policeman was coming to say he tested me minutes ago in other lane. I explained I was tested five minutes ago, I took a sip or two moment before testing, but in vain. Policeman was nice and said to me “As far as I can see you are completely sober” - yet procedure was procedure since device stores data electronically and upload it to a server in order to prevent misuses. I asked what’s the procedure?
He politely said. Try to calm down for what I am going to say: I propose that you write that you disagree with the test results, and we will drive you to hospital to get a blood sample. Then, we will have to take you into jail for 12 hours.

这时另一个警察走过来，说他几分钟前在另一条车道测过我，但已经太晚了。我解释说我五分钟前刚测过，就在这次测试前喝了一两口，但没用。警察人很好，对我说“在我看来你完全清醒”——但程序就是程序，因为设备会电子存储数据并上传到服务器以防止滥用。我问那程序是什么？
他礼貌地说。请冷静听我说：我建议你写下你不同意测试结果，然后我们会开车送你去医院抽血化验。之后，我们必须把你关进监狱12小时。

I was like…wtf? This is a candid camera. No way this is for real. He said, I understand but i’m afraid it’s for real. Long story short, obviously it was a malfunction by the breathalysers device - however in order to prevent fraud, it can’t be repeated. So I was driving behind them to ambulance, give my blood sample and drove following them to a police station to spend my 12 hours in jail :) We stopped to drop my wife first.

我当时想……搞什么鬼？这是偷拍真人秀吗？这不可能是真的。他说，我理解，但恐怕这是真的。长话短说，显然是呼气检测仪出故障了——但为了防止作弊，不能重测。于是我开车跟在他们后面去了救护车，抽了血样，然后又跟着他们开到警察局去蹲12小时监狱：）我们先停下来把我妻子放下了。

No-one knew how to behave. I was totally sober, they were all aware of it - I was acting normally, they were acting normally, yet they were like ‘what the hell do we do ?’ They were calling a supervisor, he did not know what to do either. I heard one policemen say to his supervisor “I work this job for 30 years, and know to recognise drunk person even without the device. I never saw this in my whole career. There’s absolutely no way he has 1.6”.

没人知道该怎么处理。我完全清醒，他们也都心知肚明——我表现得很正常，他们也表现得很正常，但他们心里肯定在想‘我们到底该怎么办？’他们叫来了主管，主管也不知道该怎么办。我听到一个警察对主管说：“我干这行30年了，不用仪器也知道怎么分辨醉汉。我这辈子从没见过这种事。他绝对不可能是1.6。”

So I spent my “night fun” in jail, talking with policeman on duty to kill the time. They found it unbelievable what is happening, I found it unbelievable yet, there we are. After less then 12 hours, results come in confirming no alcohol in blood. Obviously, the device has a flaw measuring enormous amount of alcohol if you just take one sip shortly before the test :)

于是我在监狱里度过了我的“欢乐之夜”，和值班警察聊天打发时间。他们觉得发生的事难以置信，我也觉得难以置信，但事情就是这样。不到12小时后，结果出来了，证实血液中没有酒精。显然，如果你在测试前刚喝了一小口，这个设备就会有缺陷，测出巨大的酒精含量：）

I still find it hard to believe it was not a candid camera, even in a Jail cell. They were apologising me al the time for what they have to do, they even let me drive to take sample and to police station with my own car :) It was a hilarious situation. When they released me, more apologies followed - yet it was a combination of unbelievable, hilarious and a bad luck.

我到现在都很难相信这不是个偷拍节目，即使是在牢房里。他们一直为不得不做的事向我道歉，他们甚至让我自己开车去抽血，然后开去警察局：）这真是个滑稽的场面。放我走的时候，他们又说了一堆对不起——这真是难以置信、滑稽可笑又倒霉透顶的结合。

They tried to convince me not to initiate a lawsuit for spending night in jail for nothing, but since they were acting to best of their ability in a sticky situation of Friday night in combination to malfunctioned device I told them it’s ok and did not put any charges :) At least, they were only doing their job to best of their ability in situation which was crazy both for me and them :)

他们试图说服我不要因为白白在监狱蹲了一晚而起诉，但考虑到那是周五晚上，情况很棘手，设备又坏了，而他们已经尽力了，我告诉他们没关系，没有提出任何指控：）至少，在这种对我和他们来说都很疯狂的情况下，他们已经尽力做好本职工作了：）

upxe due to comments: I got a call few days after from the chief of police station who wanted me to come to serve me an apologies in the name of whole city department. Procedure has been changed as it has been found that the new vendor of devices works differently from previous and reports false positives of enormous amounts if test is taken shortly after consuming small - legal amount.

根据评论更新：几天后我接到了警察局长的电话，他想让我去一趟，代表整个市警局向我道歉。程序已经改了，因为发现新设备供应商的产品和以前的不同，如果在摄入少量（合法范围内）酒精后不久测试，会报出巨大的假阳性数值。

I decided not to pass lawsuits since police officers were acting nicely, being aware there’s some sort of issue and properly escalated further. I accepted an apology. Procedure is obviously changed since next time I was stopped after a year or so, I was asked If I consumed alcohol and when prior to testing. Now you a right to postpone test for 20 minutes if you consumed any amount of alcohol within short timefrx of testing. :)

我决定不起诉，因为警察表现得很友善，意识到有问题并妥善向上级汇报了。我接受了道歉。程序显然改了，因为一年后我又被拦下时，他们问我在测试前是否喝过酒、什么时候喝的。现在如果你在测试前不久摄入了任何量的酒精，你有权要求推迟20分钟再测。：）

Jim Brost
Cowboy (1972–present)
Upvoted by John Marshall, JD Law, Fordham University School of Law (1977)

吉姆·布罗斯特  牛仔（1972年至今）获约翰·马歇尔点赞，福特汉姆大学法学院法学博士（1977年）

My uncle spent a couple nights in the county jail, in the 60’s, for cutting hair without a barber’s license. You see, he was in a local watering hole favored by the cowboys in our little ranching town in Arizona. This hippie from out of town, with a long pony tail, was in there, talking shit about the Viet Nam war. Well the bartender threw out the hippie, mostly to protect him from a bar full of pissed off liquored up cowboys.

我叔叔在60年代因为无证理发在县监狱里蹲了几个晚上。事情是这样的，他当时在我们亚利桑那州那个牧场小镇上一个牛仔们常去的酒吧里。有个外地来的嬉皮士，留着长马尾辫，在那里大放厥词，抨击越南战争。酒保把那个嬉皮士赶了出去，主要是为了保护他不被一酒吧喝高了的愤怒牛仔们揍一顿。

My uncle walks out to his truck and (uncle says) for no good reason, hippie says something out of line, uncle whacks him in the mouth, hippie lands face first in the dirt. So, my druncle whips out his pocket knife and cuts off dudes pony tail. Here come the deputies, and arrest the hippie for causing a disturbance or some horse shit like that. And of course my uncle for assault (probably ADW).

我叔叔走向他的卡车，（据叔叔说）那嬉皮士无缘无故说了句难听的，叔叔一拳打在他嘴上，嬉皮士脸朝下摔在泥地里。于是，我那喝醉的叔叔掏出随身小刀，把那家伙的马尾辫给割了。这时警官赶到了，以扰乱治安之类的狗屁罪名逮捕了嬉皮士。当然，也逮捕了我叔叔，罪名是袭击（可能是持械伤人）。

On Monday, they see the judge, who listened to the hippie for a little while. Then asked my uncle why he did what he did. Uncle tells him about the banner over main street that says “keep Globe beautiful “ and “I was just doin my civic duty”. Judge sentenced them both to the time served and told the hippie not to come back to Globe. Then he fined my uncle five dollars for cutting hair without a barbers license.

周一他们上了法庭，法官听那嬉皮士说了一会儿。然后问我叔叔为什么要这么做。叔叔跟他讲了主街上挂着“保持格罗布镇美丽”的横幅，还说“我只是在尽我的公民义务”。法官判他们两人刑期已服满（当庭释放），并告诉那个嬉皮士别再回格罗布镇。然后，法官罚了我叔叔5美元，罪名是无证理发。

(before I get any hate speech, remember it was a different time and place back then. Just giving an answer to the question. )

（在有人喷我之前，记住那是不同的年代和地点。我只是在回答这个问题。）

Jay Keniston
Studied at Engineer, Scientist, Philosopher, Cook, Activist, Legal Strategist, Conservationist. (Graduated 2011)
Upvoted by Amber Foley, studied Criminal Justice at Hudson Valley Community College (2007)

杰伊·凯尼斯顿
工程师、科学家、哲学家、厨师、活动家、法律策略师、自然资源保护主义者（2011年毕业）
获安珀·福利点赞，曾就读于哈德逊谷社区学院刑事司法专业（2007年）

You'll never believe it, but when I was in jail one time, there was actually an Amish guy there. “What the hell! What could he have possibly done?!?!!” my mind nagged. So I asked him and he replied, “I was at a party and got really drunk. I had to get back home for chores, but I couldn't drive. So I got in my cart and said, 'Horse! Take me home!’ and passed out. My horse is trained to obey all traffic laws, but a cop saw that I was passed out. So he followed me home, arrested me, and charged me with OWI”.

你绝对不敢相信，有一次我坐牢时，里面居然有个阿米什人。“搞什么鬼！他到底能犯什么事？！？！”我心里直犯嘀咕。于是我问他，他回答说：“我在一个派对上喝得烂醉。我得回家干活，但我不能开车。于是我上了我的马车，说‘驾！带我回家！’然后就晕过去了。我的马受过训练，遵守所有交通规则，但一个警察看到我晕过去了。于是他一路跟我到了家，逮捕了我，指控我‘在受酒精影响下驾驶’（OWI）”。

I damn near pissed myself when I heard that because that had to be the most outrageous story I've ever heard. I told the Amish guy, “You were falsely arrested then and you should be able to easily beat that charge. Just tell the Judge what you just told me and I'll bet the Judge will laugh like crazy, dismiss your charges, and tell the cop he's a damn Idiot”. The Amish guy smirked, said he would do that, and that's exactly what happened.

听到这话我差点尿裤子，因为这绝对是我听过最离谱的故事。我告诉那个阿米什人：“那你是被错误逮捕了，你应该能轻松打赢这场官司。你就把刚才跟我说的告诉法官，我打赌法官会笑得发疯，撤销对你的指控，并告诉那个警察他是个该死的白痴。”阿米什人坏笑了一下，说他会这么做的，而事实也正是如此。