英国出生的20岁华裔女生询问：中国的约会文化是什么样的？尤其是南方地区
[20F] Dating culture in China (especially south)
译文简介
作者自述：我是 BBC（英国出生的华裔），在一个传统华人家庭长大，父亲来自台山，母亲是华裔但在马来西亚长大。
正文翻译
[20F] Dating culture in China (especially south)
原标题：[20 岁女生]中国的约会文化（尤其是南方地区）
[20F] I am a BBC (British born Chinese), raised by a traditional Chinese family, my father's side hails from Taishan, while my mother is ethnically Chinese, but grew up in Malaysia.
[20岁女性] 我是 BBC（英国出生的华裔），在一个传统华人家庭长大，父亲来自台山，母亲是华裔但在马来西亚长大。
Compared to others my age, I am aware that I am very conservative (at least in the UK). I do not drink, take drugs, dress in revealing clothing, go to pubs, swear, nor have I ever been inclined to. Also rarely uses social media. I don't really trust myself to describe my own personality, so I'll parrot some of the things others have often described me as.
与其他同龄人相比，我意识到自己非常保守（至少在英国是这样）。我不喝酒、不吸毒、不穿暴露的衣服、不去酒吧、不说脏话，也从未有过这些倾向。也很少使用社交媒体。我不太相信自己能准确描述自己的性格，所以就转述一些别人经常形容我的词汇。
Reserved, quiet, calm, kind, logical-thinking, well spoken, old fashioned, and extremely well mannered with strong morals. Prim and proper, but very shy, quite naive with a low self esteem and a tendency for overthinking and underestimating herself. According to my father, I act like a little Victorian maiden sometimes.
矜持、安静、沉稳、善良、思维理性、谈吐得体、观念传统、极其礼貌且道德感强烈。端庄得体，但非常害羞，有些天真且自卑，容易过度思考并低估自己。用我父亲的话说，我有时候表现得像个维多利亚时代的小淑女。
I am reasonably educated, having been the top student of a private primary school and gotten into the best grammar secondary in the city where I averaged an A at GCSE level, I want to go to uni to learn Mandarin (I can only speak conversational Cantonese, I spoke Mandarin...until I went to primary school and forgot it all), then potentially get a job teaching English.
我受过良好的教育，曾是一所私立小学的尖子生，并考入了全市最好的文法中学，在 GCSE 阶段平均成绩为 A。我打算去大学学习汉语（目前只会说粤语口语，普通话...本来会说，但上小学后全忘了），之后可能会找份英语教师的工作。
I am also a woman who does not want to be intimate with a man without loving him deeply. And I also want him to have a similar mindset to mine, as well as having not slept around himself. The thought of making love with a man I do not love, or something entering me that has been in someone else completely repulses me and makes my stomach churn, I wish to give myself only to a man who really treasures me as an act of love, as something truly special to be shared. I think a classmate once described me as demisexual I want to be with a man who also only is willing to be intimate within a loving, secure relationship with a strong emotional bonds. I absolutely hate Western hookup culture, and have a date to marry mindset. I am also attracted to only Chinese men as well, and hold the same, or similar traditional values.
我也是个不愿与没有深爱之情的男子发生亲密关系的女性。我希望对方能与我心意相通，也同样保持洁身自好。光是想到要和不爱的人肌肤相亲，或是接纳曾与他人交融的身体部分，就令我反胃作呕。我愿将自己全然交付给真正珍视我的良人，将此视为爱的仪式，作为至为珍贵的奉献。记得有位同学说我属于半性恋？我向往的伴侣也应当只愿在充满爱意、安全感与深厚情感联结的关系中亲密。我极度厌恶西方的约炮文化，持守以结婚为目的恋爱的理念。此外我也只对中国男性心动，秉承相同或相近的传统价值观。
I've always had a romantic soul, having adored tales of chivalry and such since I was a little girl (not saying he has to make any grand gestures or chase me, just that I appreciate a bit of an old-school flair or gentlemanly behaviour!)
从小我就怀揣浪漫情怀，自少女时代便醉心于骑士文学（当然并非要求对方要有惊天动地的追求举动，只是格外欣赏那种古典风范与君子仪态）。
I remember growing up, my mother warning me about bad men who will try to trick me and put me under the illusion that they love me and share my values so they can sleep with me, and then dump me afterwards. I can't express just how much that absolutely terrifies me, I would be completely heartbroken. I've heard this happen to several of my classmates.
记得小时候，母亲总警告我要小心那些坏男人。他们善于伪装，假装爱我、认同我的价值观，只为骗取亲密关系，然后无情抛弃。这种可能性让我恐惧至极，若真遭遇定会心碎不已。我就有好几位女同学经历过这样的伤害。
I really don't think I would want to stay in the UK in the future, despite having been born here, the culture does not mesh with me AT ALL, and I have always gotten along far better with people from a similar ethic background as myself. I want to leave for China (most likely), Taiwan, Malaysia, or Singapore.
虽然出生在英国，但我完全不认同这里的文化氛围，始终觉得和相同族裔背景的人相处更自在。未来我决意离开——最可能去中国大陆，也可能是台湾（地区）、马来西亚或新加坡。
I have visited China twice, specifically around ShenzhenGuangzhouFoshan, and loved it so much! I found the people there very easy to connect with. My mother's friends, who I was staying with, mentioned that the culture here suited me a lot more than the UK, which I agreed on. Apparently, even my values surroundingapproaching romance and intimacy would be far more standard here, which if true, is a massive merit.
我曾两次到访中国，主要在深圳广州佛山一带，那里的风土人情令我沉醉。借住母亲友人家时，那些长辈们都说比起英国，我显然更适合这里的生活方式。更意外的是，据说我对待感情和亲密关系的观念在这里才是主流——若真如此，那可真是巨大的优势。
But then again, I have only visited twice, so of course I can't just decide for sure that I want to be in China for my future. A big part of the appeal would depend on the dating culture here. The impression my family and mother's friends have given me is that my values and goals would be far easier to find and more widespread than in the UK, which (in the case that is indeed correct), would give me a big incentive to go there for university, find a man, and settle down there.
但话说回来，我只去过中国两次，自然无法确定未来是否要定居那里。婚恋文化会是影响我决定的重要因素。家人和母亲朋友给我的印象是，相比英国，我的价值观和人生目标在中国更容易找到共鸣且更为普遍——如果确实如此，这将极大激励我去中国读大学、寻找伴侣并定居。
But is this actually true I read through some Reddit posts, and a lot of commentors have stated that cheating is notoriously common in China, and that a lot of husbands treat their wives very poorly, which is really frightening to read. Regarding the family I was staying with, the husband and wife seemed to love each other deeply, even if it wasn't in an openly lovey-dovey way, and seemed extremely loyal to each other.
但事实果真如此吗？我浏览了些 Reddit 帖子，许多评论称出轨在中国相当普遍，不少丈夫对待妻子非常恶劣，这些描述令人心惊。就我所寄宿的家庭而言，那对夫妻虽不常公开展示恩爱，但显然深爱彼此，对婚姻也极为忠诚。
So I just wanted to hear from a broader group of voices actually living there how true or untrue are all of these things I am hearing How good of I fit would I be there I just want a clearer, more accurate view of what I should be expecting regarding values surrounding dating in Southern China, and what the dating culture is like there.
我想听听真正生活在那里的人们的广泛意见：我听到的这些说法有多少是真实的，又有多少是不真实的？我在那里会有多合适？我只想更清晰、更准确地了解中国南方关于约会的价值观以及那里的约会文化是什么样的。
Edit If it's of any relevance at all, I'm generally considered by Chinese to be above average in terms of appearance, I have very pale skin, double eyelids. NOT to toot my own horn or anything, but even though I've pretty much been ignored by Western men (which is fine, I'm not interested in them anyway), a lot of Chinese and Hongkongese have said that I am beautiful or good-looking, despite not being skinny (I am 160cm and 53KG).
编辑：如果有什么相关性的话，我在中国人眼中通常被认为外貌高于平均水平，我有非常白皙的皮肤和双眼皮。不是自我吹嘘，尽管我基本上被西方男性忽视（这没问题，反正我对他们不感兴趣），但很多中国人和香港（特区）人都说我漂亮或好看，尽管我不瘦（我身高 160 厘米，体重 53 公斤）。
I've been described to have a 甜樣 by a considerable proportion of my mother's friends, men and women alike. My mother's friends even said men would actively pursue after me at university if I did decide to study there, so local beauty standards are not an issue. I would be concerned about men going after me for the wrong reasons due to this.
我母亲相当一部分的朋友，无论男女，都说我有一张“甜美的脸”。我母亲的朋友甚至说，如果我决定在那里上大学，男人们会主动追求我，所以当地的审美标准不是问题。我担心的是，因为这可能会让男性出于错误的理由追求我。
原标题：[20 岁女生]中国的约会文化（尤其是南方地区）
[20F] I am a BBC (British born Chinese), raised by a traditional Chinese family, my father's side hails from Taishan, while my mother is ethnically Chinese, but grew up in Malaysia.
[20岁女性] 我是 BBC（英国出生的华裔），在一个传统华人家庭长大，父亲来自台山，母亲是华裔但在马来西亚长大。
Compared to others my age, I am aware that I am very conservative (at least in the UK). I do not drink, take drugs, dress in revealing clothing, go to pubs, swear, nor have I ever been inclined to. Also rarely uses social media. I don't really trust myself to describe my own personality, so I'll parrot some of the things others have often described me as.
与其他同龄人相比，我意识到自己非常保守（至少在英国是这样）。我不喝酒、不吸毒、不穿暴露的衣服、不去酒吧、不说脏话，也从未有过这些倾向。也很少使用社交媒体。我不太相信自己能准确描述自己的性格，所以就转述一些别人经常形容我的词汇。
Reserved, quiet, calm, kind, logical-thinking, well spoken, old fashioned, and extremely well mannered with strong morals. Prim and proper, but very shy, quite naive with a low self esteem and a tendency for overthinking and underestimating herself. According to my father, I act like a little Victorian maiden sometimes.
矜持、安静、沉稳、善良、思维理性、谈吐得体、观念传统、极其礼貌且道德感强烈。端庄得体，但非常害羞，有些天真且自卑，容易过度思考并低估自己。用我父亲的话说，我有时候表现得像个维多利亚时代的小淑女。
I am reasonably educated, having been the top student of a private primary school and gotten into the best grammar secondary in the city where I averaged an A at GCSE level, I want to go to uni to learn Mandarin (I can only speak conversational Cantonese, I spoke Mandarin...until I went to primary school and forgot it all), then potentially get a job teaching English.
我受过良好的教育，曾是一所私立小学的尖子生，并考入了全市最好的文法中学，在 GCSE 阶段平均成绩为 A。我打算去大学学习汉语（目前只会说粤语口语，普通话...本来会说，但上小学后全忘了），之后可能会找份英语教师的工作。
I am also a woman who does not want to be intimate with a man without loving him deeply. And I also want him to have a similar mindset to mine, as well as having not slept around himself. The thought of making love with a man I do not love, or something entering me that has been in someone else completely repulses me and makes my stomach churn, I wish to give myself only to a man who really treasures me as an act of love, as something truly special to be shared. I think a classmate once described me as demisexual I want to be with a man who also only is willing to be intimate within a loving, secure relationship with a strong emotional bonds. I absolutely hate Western hookup culture, and have a date to marry mindset. I am also attracted to only Chinese men as well, and hold the same, or similar traditional values.
我也是个不愿与没有深爱之情的男子发生亲密关系的女性。我希望对方能与我心意相通，也同样保持洁身自好。光是想到要和不爱的人肌肤相亲，或是接纳曾与他人交融的身体部分，就令我反胃作呕。我愿将自己全然交付给真正珍视我的良人，将此视为爱的仪式，作为至为珍贵的奉献。记得有位同学说我属于半性恋？我向往的伴侣也应当只愿在充满爱意、安全感与深厚情感联结的关系中亲密。我极度厌恶西方的约炮文化，持守以结婚为目的恋爱的理念。此外我也只对中国男性心动，秉承相同或相近的传统价值观。
I've always had a romantic soul, having adored tales of chivalry and such since I was a little girl (not saying he has to make any grand gestures or chase me, just that I appreciate a bit of an old-school flair or gentlemanly behaviour!)
从小我就怀揣浪漫情怀，自少女时代便醉心于骑士文学（当然并非要求对方要有惊天动地的追求举动，只是格外欣赏那种古典风范与君子仪态）。
I remember growing up, my mother warning me about bad men who will try to trick me and put me under the illusion that they love me and share my values so they can sleep with me, and then dump me afterwards. I can't express just how much that absolutely terrifies me, I would be completely heartbroken. I've heard this happen to several of my classmates.
记得小时候，母亲总警告我要小心那些坏男人。他们善于伪装，假装爱我、认同我的价值观，只为骗取亲密关系，然后无情抛弃。这种可能性让我恐惧至极，若真遭遇定会心碎不已。我就有好几位女同学经历过这样的伤害。
I really don't think I would want to stay in the UK in the future, despite having been born here, the culture does not mesh with me AT ALL, and I have always gotten along far better with people from a similar ethic background as myself. I want to leave for China (most likely), Taiwan, Malaysia, or Singapore.
虽然出生在英国，但我完全不认同这里的文化氛围，始终觉得和相同族裔背景的人相处更自在。未来我决意离开——最可能去中国大陆，也可能是台湾（地区）、马来西亚或新加坡。
I have visited China twice, specifically around ShenzhenGuangzhouFoshan, and loved it so much! I found the people there very easy to connect with. My mother's friends, who I was staying with, mentioned that the culture here suited me a lot more than the UK, which I agreed on. Apparently, even my values surroundingapproaching romance and intimacy would be far more standard here, which if true, is a massive merit.
我曾两次到访中国，主要在深圳广州佛山一带，那里的风土人情令我沉醉。借住母亲友人家时，那些长辈们都说比起英国，我显然更适合这里的生活方式。更意外的是，据说我对待感情和亲密关系的观念在这里才是主流——若真如此，那可真是巨大的优势。
But then again, I have only visited twice, so of course I can't just decide for sure that I want to be in China for my future. A big part of the appeal would depend on the dating culture here. The impression my family and mother's friends have given me is that my values and goals would be far easier to find and more widespread than in the UK, which (in the case that is indeed correct), would give me a big incentive to go there for university, find a man, and settle down there.
但话说回来，我只去过中国两次，自然无法确定未来是否要定居那里。婚恋文化会是影响我决定的重要因素。家人和母亲朋友给我的印象是，相比英国，我的价值观和人生目标在中国更容易找到共鸣且更为普遍——如果确实如此，这将极大激励我去中国读大学、寻找伴侣并定居。
But is this actually true I read through some Reddit posts, and a lot of commentors have stated that cheating is notoriously common in China, and that a lot of husbands treat their wives very poorly, which is really frightening to read. Regarding the family I was staying with, the husband and wife seemed to love each other deeply, even if it wasn't in an openly lovey-dovey way, and seemed extremely loyal to each other.
但事实果真如此吗？我浏览了些 Reddit 帖子，许多评论称出轨在中国相当普遍，不少丈夫对待妻子非常恶劣，这些描述令人心惊。就我所寄宿的家庭而言，那对夫妻虽不常公开展示恩爱，但显然深爱彼此，对婚姻也极为忠诚。
So I just wanted to hear from a broader group of voices actually living there how true or untrue are all of these things I am hearing How good of I fit would I be there I just want a clearer, more accurate view of what I should be expecting regarding values surrounding dating in Southern China, and what the dating culture is like there.
我想听听真正生活在那里的人们的广泛意见：我听到的这些说法有多少是真实的，又有多少是不真实的？我在那里会有多合适？我只想更清晰、更准确地了解中国南方关于约会的价值观以及那里的约会文化是什么样的。
Edit If it's of any relevance at all, I'm generally considered by Chinese to be above average in terms of appearance, I have very pale skin, double eyelids. NOT to toot my own horn or anything, but even though I've pretty much been ignored by Western men (which is fine, I'm not interested in them anyway), a lot of Chinese and Hongkongese have said that I am beautiful or good-looking, despite not being skinny (I am 160cm and 53KG).
编辑：如果有什么相关性的话，我在中国人眼中通常被认为外貌高于平均水平，我有非常白皙的皮肤和双眼皮。不是自我吹嘘，尽管我基本上被西方男性忽视（这没问题，反正我对他们不感兴趣），但很多中国人和香港（特区）人都说我漂亮或好看，尽管我不瘦（我身高 160 厘米，体重 53 公斤）。
I've been described to have a 甜樣 by a considerable proportion of my mother's friends, men and women alike. My mother's friends even said men would actively pursue after me at university if I did decide to study there, so local beauty standards are not an issue. I would be concerned about men going after me for the wrong reasons due to this.
我母亲相当一部分的朋友，无论男女，都说我有一张“甜美的脸”。我母亲的朋友甚至说，如果我决定在那里上大学，男人们会主动追求我，所以当地的审美标准不是问题。我担心的是，因为这可能会让男性出于错误的理由追求我。
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Cheating in China is common (this goes both ways). I think it's best for you to take it one step at a time. I think you should plan for a short-term venture first before investing in the long-term as a permanent foothold in China. Maybe try teaching English in China temporarily first, and if you enjoy it then make a long term plan. Good luck.
中国的出轨现象很普遍（男女都一样）。我觉得你最好一步一步来，建议先做个短期规划，别急着把中国当作永久立足地来长期投入。或许可以先试着来中国短期教英语，如果喜欢再制定长远计划。祝你好运。
jono3451
I grew up later and found out all my relatives male side cheated at one point. Hahaha. (I’m from northern part of China)
我长大后才发现所有男性亲戚都有过出轨经历。哈哈哈。（我是中国北方人）
It scares me I’m this naive.
自己竟然这么天真，想想都后怕。
therealvanmorrison
Those actually aren’t even incompatible realities. This won’t exactly endear you to me, but just for a shot of reality…when I was young in China, I slept with more than a couple married women. Each one, as far as I can remember, told me their husband was the first person they slept with, after growing up with pretty much the approach to sex and love you describe. They all seemed pretty confident their husband cheated too. Only reason to bring this up is because one thing you learn along the way in life is that people grow and change, best laid plans fall apart, and there but for the grace go I is a really good principle for looking at others, definitely better than I guess they’re just less moral than me.
这些现象其实并不矛盾。虽然这么说可能让你不太认同我，但为了展现现实情况...我年轻时在中国，曾与好几位已婚女性发生过关系。据我回忆，她们每个人都告诉我丈夫是自己的第一个性伴侣，成长过程中对性和爱情的看法与你描述的如出一辙。她们似乎都相当确信丈夫也在出轨。提到这些是因为人生教会我们：人总会成长变化，再完美的计划也可能崩塌。"若非侥幸，吾亦可能如此"确实是看待他人的好准则，绝对比"他们就是比我道德低下"这种判断要强得多。
Anyway, China is big. You can find people on every possible path with every possible set of values, including your own. It is certainly more patriarchal than the UK, so the version of “traditional” (which has basically nothing to do with Chinese tradition and is mostly inherited from 1950s America) you find is more likely to include firmer gender roles. And a greater expectation that you slot into and support his family, not yours. But…big country, you can find anything.
无论如何，中国幅员辽阔。在这里你会遇见形形色色的人，他们秉持着各种价值观，其中自然也包括与你相契合的。相较于英国，这里的父权文化确实更为明显——你所遇到的"传统观念"（其实与中国传统文化关联甚微，主要承袭自 1950 年代的美国）往往包含着更固化的性别角色分工，且更期望你融入并扶持他的家族而非你自己的。但...毕竟地域广袤，任何可能性都存在。
Bad_Pleb_2000
So..why’d you sleep with so many married Chinese women? Are you a cheater too? Just like infidelity?
所以...你为什么要和那么多已婚中国女性发生关系？你也是个出轨惯犯吗？就这么沉迷于背叛的刺激？
therealvanmorrison
I was 19/20 and having fun with the hookup culture in China at the time. Two of the women didn’t tell me they were married until after we’d had sex. I think by the time the next couple opportunities came along, I justified it by saying I had already committed this wrong so why not. They were all close to or more than a decade older than me, so they seemed like they were capable of making their own decisions.
那时我 19/20 岁，在中国的约会文化中玩得很开心。其中两位女性一直等到我们发生关系后，才告诉我她们已婚。我想后来再遇到类似机会时，我自我安慰说已经犯了错，不如将错就错。她们都比我大十岁左右甚至更多，看起来完全有能力自己做决定。
I’m married now! It’s been a long time. If my wife cheated on me, I’d be hurt and angry at her. It’s not really the affair partner’s (or any third party’s) job to maintain the fidelity of my marriage - that’s on me and my wife and no one else. I have a duty. My wife has a duty. We pledged that to each other. Some random third party is not involuntarily subject to that duty.
我现在已经结婚了！时间过得真快。如果我的妻子出轨了，我会感到受伤并对她生气。但维系婚姻忠诚度本来就不是第三者（或任何第三方）的责任——这完全是我和妻子两个人的事。我有责任，我的妻子也有责任。这是我们彼此许下的承诺。而随随便便的第三方可没有被强行赋予这种责任。
Bad_Pleb_2000
Was that a long time ago? I recall hearing that China in the 2000s - 2010s was a “golden age” for foreigners, especially white foreigners to hook up with as many Chinese women as possible. White privilege was at an all time high back then, less now I hear.
那是很久以前的事了吗？我记得听说 21 世纪头二十年是外国人在中国的"黄金时代"，尤其是白人男性可以轻易勾搭到许多中国女性。那时候白人特权达到顶峰，不过听说现在没这么夸张了。
therealvanmorrison
Yes, during those years, but I wouldn’t call it much of a golden age for white guys where I was. I lived in a city with under ten foreigners and, at any given time, about 8 of them couldn’t speak Chinese. Practically no locals spoke English very well. So…those guys weren’t getting laid much, if at all. I was young, educated, fit, and learned mandarin reasonably well, so it went great for me.
确实有这种现象，但在我生活的地方谈不上白人男性的黄金时代。我当时所在的城市外国人不到十个，而且任何时候都有八个人基本不会说中文。当地人的英语也普遍不好...所以那些家伙根本没什么艳遇机会。我当时年轻、受过良好教育、身材不错，中文也学得还行，所以我的经历倒是挺顺利。
But even “great for me” isn’t a solid summary. There were women who were certainly excitable about hooking up with a foreigner and fetishized it. There were even more who believed foreign men are all rapists or playboys. You had to weed through that to find better options. A lot of the time, you felt more like people saw you as a zoo animal. Maybe it was different in big cities.
但即便是"对我很有利"这样的评价也并非全面概括。有些女性确实对与外国人约会感到兴奋，甚至将其物化；更多人则认为外国男人都是强奸犯或花花公子。你必须筛选掉这些偏见才能找到更好的选择。很多时候，你会感觉自己在别人眼中更像动物园里的动物。或许大城市的情况会有所不同。
jono3451
Chinese people usually don’t show their marriage troubles to outsiders. All my relatives look like perfect couple to outsiders. The fights they have is legendary behind closed doors. Chinese older generation couples are really good at pretending.
中国人通常不会向外人展示婚姻问题。我所有的亲戚在外人看来都是模范夫妻。而关起门来的争吵简直能写成长篇传奇。中国老一辈夫妻实在太擅长伪装了。
Women have less rights in China as far as I’m aware. This in turn is reflected in marriage. Tons of men have this thing called 大男子主义。I would hate to be born as a women in China.
中国女性权利较少，据我所知。这点也体现在婚姻中。很多男性都有所谓的大男子主义。我可不愿生为中国女性。
whistlelifeguard
How’s your Chinese? Cantonese or Mandarin would definitely make it easier in dating.
你的中文水平如何？会粤语或普通话肯定能让约会更容易。
Since you went to a Christian school, look for meaningful relationships and worry about cheating, you can try churches. While some Christians cheat too, your chance of finding a good, faithful man may increase. There’s plenty of Chinese Christians in Hong Kong, Taipei, etc. In Beijing, Shanghai, Shenzhen and other tier-1 cities, there are good Christian communities of returning Chinese who also share some of your background and value.
既然你上过基督教学校，注重有意义的感情关系且介意出轨问题，可以尝试在教会寻找对象。虽然基督徒中也存在不忠现象，但你遇到正直忠诚男性的概率可能会更高。香港（特区）、台北等地都有大量华人基督徒群体，在北京、上海、深圳等一线城市，也有由海归信徒组成的优质基督徒社群，他们与你有相似的背景和价值观。
_StarPuff_
Hi, I'm not a Christian! I'll remove having went to a Christian primary school from my post so as to not confuse people.
嗨，我不是基督徒！我会把上过基督教小学那段从帖子里删掉，免得大家误会。
My Cantonese is conversational but definitely not good enough for living in China, such is why I want to do a Chinese degree: so I can speak the language to an advanced level, and then being fluent in English means that I can teach English.
我的粤语能日常交流，但在中国生活肯定不够用，所以我想读个中文专业：这样就能把中文说到高级水平，再加上英语流利就可以教英语了。
dmnysxde
Are you a noble lady raised in a castle who popped out of some ancient legend? (Just kidding, no malice intended)
您该不会是从古代传说里蹦出来的城堡贵族小姐吧？（开玩笑的，没有恶意）
If this weren't an article made up by artificial intelligence, but a little girl sincerely seeking dating advice online, then I can only give you one piece of advice: don't easily trust anyone on Reddit who casually gives advice on important life matters.
如果这不是一篇由人工智能杜撰的文章，而真是一个在网上真诚寻求约会建议的小姑娘，那我只能给你一个忠告：别轻易相信 Reddit 上那些随意对人生大事指手画脚的网友。
Alright, now I'm going to start giving you suggestions:
好的，现在我要开始给你一些建议了：
Have you heard the story of the little horse crossing the river?
你听过小马过河的故事吗？
There was a river of unknown depth in front of the little horse.
小马面前有一条不知深浅的河流。
It asked an elephant nearby: How deep is the river?
它问旁边的大象：这河有多深？
The elephant said that the river water only reached its knees.
大象回答说河水才到它的膝盖。
It asked a squirrel nearby: How deep is the river?
它向旁边的松鼠打听：这条河有多深？
The squirrel said it could submerge its head.
松鼠说能没过它的头顶。
The little horse was confused and finally decided to try it itself.
小马很为难，最后决定自己试试。
It stepped into the river with anxiety and found that the water just reached its thighs, so it walked across like that.
它忐忑不安地踏入河中，发现河水才刚到它的大腿，就这样趟了过去。
The story ends here.
故事到此结束。
Therefore, prepare yourself mentally and take preventive measures. When choosing a romantic partner, don't choose blindly. Learn more about their family background, life experiences, and personal character, then boldly go into a relationship.
因此要做好心理准备，采取预防措施。选择恋爱对象时不要盲目，多了解对方的家庭背景、生活经历和为人品性，然后大胆投入感情。
You'll never grow without experiencing it.
不经历就永远不会成长。
_StarPuff_
My mother told me a similar story!
我妈妈也给我讲过类似的事！
Of course I know I must be careful when choosing. My mother also stressed the importance of being extremely careful as I grew up, I think I've been warned about bad men my entire life and am now so cautious that I have never even had any romantic experience with a man yet.
我当然明白选择时必须谨慎。母亲从我小时候就不断强调要万分小心，这辈子都在被提醒提防渣男，以至于现在过度谨慎，至今没有任何恋爱经历。
I think the advice you gave would apply in any country, I'm just asking what the dating norms are in Southern China to scout whether or not I would have a better chance there, in the UK (I really do hope not), or in another country to find a man who would be compatible with me.
我认为你给出的建议适用于任何国家，我只是想了解中国南方（特别是）的约会文化，看看在那里、英国（真心希望不是）或是其他国家，是否更容易遇到与我契合的男性。
As things stand currently in the UK, I would not blend with the dating culture at all.
以英国目前的婚恋环境来看，我完全无法融入当地的约会文化。
dmnysxde
Then you are being overly cautious.
那你是过于谨慎了。
Have you ever done human observation activities?
你做过人类观察活动吗？
Go to local dating spots, such as riversides, parks, shopping malls, take a walk, and observe how those couples interact with each other.
去当地的约会场所转转，比如江边、公园、商场，散步时观察那些情侣是如何互动的。
You can even take paper and pen, or a mobile phone to take photos and videos, and ask these people about their love experiences and interaction methods in the name of street interviews.
你甚至可以带上纸笔，或用手机拍照录像，以街头采访的名义询问这些人的恋爱经历和相处方式。
It's more effective than listening to people you don't know are telling the truth or not rambling online.
比在网上听那些不知真假的人胡扯要有效得多。
China is very large, and social customs are diverse. The lifestyles of people in two adjacent provinces/villages may be completely different.
中国幅员辽阔，社会风俗多样。两个相邻省份/村庄人们的生活方式可能天差地别。
There is no accurate answer in life. It's impossible to copy others' work and take shortcuts; you have to experience it yourself.
人生没有标准答案，不可能照搬别人的作业走捷径，必须自己亲身体验。
As I said before, you can summarize others' experiences and lessons to take precautions, but practice is the only criterion for testing truth.
如前所述，你可以总结别人的经验和教训来防范风险，但实践才是检验真理的唯一标准。
Take action, girl! Love can hardly break down the door when you're hiding in your room!
姑娘，行动起来呀！你总躲在房间里，爱情可不会自己破门而入！
_StarPuff_
I am definitely not bold enough to go around interviewing people on person, but I'll definitely pay closer attention when I next visit.
我确实没胆量当面去采访陌生人，但下次再去时一定会更留心观察。
Thank you for your detailed responses!
感谢您详尽的回答！
dmnysxde
You're welcome. I wish you a wonderful love.
不客气，祝你收获美好的爱情。
grenharo
I read your personality/mannerisms and immediately thought "yea she's fucked"
一看到你的性格和做派，我立刻就觉得"这姑娘完蛋了"
they're not your crowd for dating but northerners aren't much better
他们不适合和你约会，但北方人也好不到哪去
still, I recommend you go find a cute introvert from a tier 1 city, somebody who is empathetic and open-minded at least then it'll be fine.
不过我还是建议你找个一线城市的呆萌内向型，至少得是个有同理心且思想开明的人，那样就没事了