在印度，30 多岁的单身生活是什么样的？

Why don't youngsters want to get married?

为什么年轻人不想结婚？

Ratnamala Kamath
My son turned 30 a few months back.

我儿子几个月前满30岁了。

I asked him, when he was planning to get married.

我问他，他打算什么时候结婚。

Son : maybe never.

儿子：也许永远不会。

Then who will you have when we die? You will be all alone in your old age. Today you are young and strong so you may not realise it, but when you are old you may regret your decision to stay single.

那么当我们去世后，你会有谁呢？你将在老年时独自一人。今天你还年轻强壮，可能没有意识到这一点，但当你老了，你可能会后悔保持单身的决定。

Son looking me straight in the eye : I don't think I want to spoil my younger days just to have someone with me in my old age. What guarantee that she will stay with me till my old age or that she will not die before me? Going by the trends these days I don't see anything favorable in marriage.

儿子直视着我的眼睛说：我不认为为了老年时有人陪伴而浪费我的青春是值得的。谁能保证她会一直陪我到老，或者她不会在我之前去世？根据如今的趋势，我看不到婚姻中有任何有利的地方。

I had no answer to this question or any argument to counteract it because what he was saying was not wrong.

我对这个问题没有答案，也没有任何论点来反驳它，因为他说的并没有错。

From a youngsters mouth, this is one of the reasons for not wanting to get married.

从年轻人的口中，这是不想结婚的原因之一。

Ganesh S
Marriage system is broken in India and it's always sort of business negotiation between families. Girls expect bridegroom with big fat salaries in return groom side expects girls to work both home and office earning money. Both these expectations are unrealistic with the results people prefer staying single rather marrying. Another reason is rise in divorces in india so marriage is no longer going to guarantee any stability in life.

印度的婚姻制度已经破裂，它总是像家庭之间的商业谈判。女孩们期望新郎有丰厚的薪水，而新郎方则期望女孩既能在家工作也能在办公室赚钱。这两种期望都不切实际，结果导致人们更愿意保持单身而不是结婚。另一个原因是印度离婚率的上升，所以婚姻不再能保证生活的稳定性。

Srinath K
An increasing number of youngsters now are aware of the actual realities and horrors in marriage going back a few generations. Far far more people are compromised, unhappy, unfulfilled, and it's very clear their lives and talents and gifts have been wasted in the suffering. The elders themselves who advise marriage to us are showing us the actual painful, challenging and often cruel realities of that life every day, and I don't know how they can still force the next generation to walk that same path. The number of people who don't suffer but actually enjoy their marriages with little to no toxicity are vanishingly small. Even in the better ones I have seen there is plenty to resent about. And then there are the divorces and the affairs and the dishonesties and the abuse, the crimes, the courts and the quarrels and even without all these, the wear and tear of family life on the body and the absolutely psychotic dramas of emotions.

越来越多的年轻人现在意识到几代人以来婚姻中的现实和恐怖。更多的人被妥协、不快乐、不满足，很明显他们的生活、才能和天赋在痛苦中被浪费了。那些建议我们结婚的长辈每天都在向我们展示那种生活的痛苦、挑战和常常残酷的现实，我不知道他们怎么能仍然强迫下一代走同样的路。那些不痛苦但实际上享受婚姻、几乎没有或没有毒性的人的数量微乎其微。即使在我见过的较好的婚姻中，也有许多值得怨恨的地方。然后还有离婚、外遇、不诚实、虐待、犯罪、法庭和争吵，即使没有这些，家庭生活对身体的磨损和情感的绝对心理戏剧。

Marriage is probably the most socially approved way of slowly killing an individual. I myself know many people who would have made much greater brilliant and great individuals if they had not been coerced into marriage. For many of these people, their suffering began because of marriage. Take that away and you could clearly see what they might have truly been.

婚姻可能是社会最认可的缓慢扼杀个人的方式。我自己认识很多人，如果他们没有被强迫进入婚姻，他们可能会成为更加杰出和伟大的人。对于这些人中的许多人来说，他们的痛苦始于婚姻。去掉婚姻，你就能清楚地看到他们可能真正成为的样子。

I concede that marriage is the reason for my existence and that of billions of others, but just because this has worked for all these millennia, doesn't mean it's even a good way to live for everyone, in fact most people. It's actually one of THE hardest ways for a human being to find happiness.

我承认婚姻是我以及数十亿人存在的原因，但仅仅因为这种方式在过去几千年里一直有效，并不意味着它对每个人，甚至大多数人来说都是一种好的生活方式。事实上，这是人类寻找幸福最艰难的方式之一。

The larger problems of what all really causes human suffering and misery remain unexamined and untouched — ready to wreak their havoc on the next generation. Love promises heaven, but it never comes alone. It brings all that it is not along for the ride. Then the journey is far less about love and ends up being all about pain.

那些真正导致人类痛苦和不幸的更大问题仍然未被审视和触及——准备对下一代造成严重破坏。爱承诺了天堂，但它从不独自到来。它带来了所有与之无关的东西。于是，这段旅程远非关于爱，而最终变成了关于痛苦。

Many of us are simply too egoistic, too violent, too ignorant too greedy, too selfish, too incompetent, or worse, to create that life we want, but which we believe will fall from the sky. Nope. It's built here on earth, every moment.

我们中的许多人太过自我、太过暴力、太过无知、太过贪婪、太过自私、太过无能，甚至更糟，无法创造我们想要的生活，却相信这种生活会从天而降。不，它是在地球上每时每刻建立起来的。

I will never insist on the next generation ever getting married. If the next generation doesn't find our life inspiring, it is we who have failed somewhere to show them that this is indeed a good way to live. Far from self introspecting, this just disgruntles the authoritarian egos of the elderly. And ultimately that's what it really is all about. And you wonder why it fails? If this is all there is to human life, then this universe must be some dreadful sick joke.

我永远不会坚持下一代必须结婚。如果下一代不觉得我们的生活有启发性，那是我们在某些方面未能向他们展示这确实是一种好的生活方式。这远非自我反省，只是让那些专制的老年人感到不满。而最终，这才是问题的核心。你还在疑惑为什么会失败吗？如果这就是人类生活的全部，那么这个宇宙一定是个可怕的病态笑话。

I am sure that there are many great marriages out there where both partners genuinely benefitted from each other in their lives and inspired, genuinely inspired many others to go on that path. But they are rare. I have personally known of only one that was far better than anything I imagined, two very rare great souls, but since then in my life, I have never again seen or known it, nor have I managed to create it…

我相信有很多美好的婚姻，双方在生活中真正从彼此那里受益，并真诚地激励了许多其他人走上这条路。但它们很罕见。我个人只知道一个远比我所能想象的任何婚姻都要好的例子，两个非常罕见的伟大灵魂，但自那以后，在我的生活中，我再也没有见过或知道过这样的婚姻，也未能成功创造它……

Marriage has become an extremely raw deal for men, due to weird judicial and parliamentary views on it.

由于司法和议会对婚姻的奇怪观点，婚姻对男性来说已经变成了一笔极其不划算的交易。

Even if marriage goes well, man has to bear all the financial responsibility and cannot expect anything in return. I know, everyone will cite examples of good wives out there.

即使婚姻顺利，男人也必须承担所有的经济责任，并且不能期待任何回报。我知道，每个人都会举出那些好妻子的例子。

But look at it this way, if you are groom to be, and you come to know that once married all your obligations are enforceable by law, but none of your partners expectations are enforceable by law, then it is a one sided contract. You depend on only good-will of your wife. If there is animosity in future, which is bound to happen in a long period of life, she can jeopardise your life in every way possible, but there is nothing to safeguard your loyalty, good behavior and respect in the relationship.

但这样看，如果你是准新郎，并且你了解到一旦结婚，你所有的义务都是法律上可执行的，但你伴侣的期望却没有一项是法律上可执行的，那么这就是一份单方面的合同。你只能依赖你妻子的善意。如果将来出现敌意，这在长期生活中是不可避免的，她可能会以各种方式危及你的生活，但没有任何东西可以保障你在关系中的忠诚、良好行为和尊重。

On top of it, according to our great courts, Marriage is a Sanskar not contract under Hindu law. What this means is no contractual binding is possible to limit or safeguard a man, but the same courts will use every means in judicial discretion to harass the man in court. Also there is absolutely no legal remedy for a married man. A divorce is considered solution for failing marriage. But according to our great courts and law makers, divorce is solution only for women, not for men. For a man, liability towards divorced wife never ends. There are no guidelines for clean separation whereever possible. On the other hand, men are made slaves to divorcee woman’s whim and fancies.

此外，根据我们伟大的法院，婚姻在印度教法律中是一种圣礼，而不是合同。这意味着不可能通过合同约束来限制或保护男性，但同样的法院会利用司法裁量权在法庭上骚扰男性。此外，已婚男性绝对没有法律救济。离婚被视为失败婚姻的解决方案。但根据我们伟大的法院和立法者，离婚只是女性的解决方案，而不是男性的。对于男性来说，对离婚妻子的责任永远不会结束。没有关于尽可能干净分离的指导方针。另一方面，男性成为离婚女性一时兴起的奴隶。

Would you take a chance at becoming a slave? Would you be slave, hoping that your master will be good natured? I would never … So should you not ..

你会冒险成为奴隶吗？你会成为奴隶，希望你的主人会是善良的吗？我永远不会……所以你不应该……

Sumit
I don't know what adjustment is. Everything should be my way.

我不知道什么是调整。一切都应该按照我的方式来。

Career comes first then marriage and I don't feel like I am settled.

事业优先，婚姻其次，而且我感觉自己还没有安定下来。

Am not ready to allow someone to enter my personal space .

我还没准备好让某人进入我的个人空间。

Marriage comes with lots of responsibility.

婚姻伴随着许多责任。

I want to live my life. My life my rules.

我想过我的生活。我的生活，我的规则。

This society will snatch my freedom after marriage.

这个社会在我结婚后会夺走我的自由。

Due to fear of alimony.

由于害怕支付赡养费。

All men are the same .

所有的男人都一样。

All girls are the same.

所有女孩都是一样的。

I am destined to be alone.

我注定要孤独一生。

Look around all married couples are cheating on each other and not happy together.

看看周围，所有已婚夫妇都在互相欺骗，而且在一起并不幸福。

I still love my ex.

我仍然爱着我的前任。

What if my partner turns out to be SONAM.

如果我的伴侣原来是索纳姆怎么办。

I am over- aged.

我年纪太大了。

Could not find the right partner.

找不到合适的伴侣。

People are not trustworthy in today's time.

在当今时代，人们是不可信的。

I will wait for 3–4 years more.

我会再等3到4年。

Once I will build my own house then I will go for it.

一旦我建好了自己的房子，我就会去做这件事。

Mani Shankar
Only after interacting with concerned youngsters, one can clearly say the reasons. However, my guesses are:

只有与相关的年轻人互动后，才能清楚地说明原因。不过，我的猜测是：

Youngsters feel their freedom to make choices can be curbed if the partner does not appreciate their preferences.

年轻人觉得，如果伴侣不欣赏他们的偏好，他们做出选择的自由可能会受到限制。

Looking at the divorce rate, marital disputes, financial burden due to alimony etc., youngsters feel it is better to stay single or in a live-in relationship than get committed to marriage.

考虑到离婚率、婚姻纠纷、赡养费带来的经济负担等问题，年轻人觉得保持单身或同居关系比承诺婚姻更好。

Youngsters want to travel widely all over the world, enjoy life when young and want to think about marriage only after 30s or even later.

年轻人希望周游世界，在年轻时享受生活，并希望只在30岁以后甚至更晚才考虑婚姻。

Youngsters are not worried about factors as to who will look after them in old age because looking at the present trend, many elderly are fending for themselves even when children are living in the same city or country and not wanting to live with parents.

年轻人并不担心老了以后谁来照顾他们，因为从目前的趋势来看，即使孩子住在同一个城市或国家，许多老年人也在自己照顾自己，而且孩子们也不想和父母住在一起。

Divorce is rampant amongst youngsters for trivial reasons also and so, unmarried youngsters don’t want to get embroiled in court cases, false domestic violence cases, extortion cases or cheating by loving partner.

离婚在年轻人中因为琐碎的原因而变得普遍，因此，未婚的年轻人不想卷入法庭案件、虚假的家庭暴力案件、勒索案件或被爱人欺骗。

I strongly recommend youngsters go for pre-marital counselling, get to know the facts, realities after marriage and then only tie the knot.

我强烈建议年轻人在婚前进行咨询，了解婚后的实际情况，然后再结婚。

With so much negative news in the air, parents are hesitant. Also with higher competition in the Job market an average boy takes approximately 30 years to get established financially. And girls, especially their parents aren’t ready for lower income guy.

由于周围充斥着如此多的负面新闻，父母们变得犹豫不决。同时，随着就业市场竞争的加剧，一个普通的男孩大约需要30年才能在财务上站稳脚跟。而女孩，尤其是她们的父母，不愿意接受收入较低的男性。

Also the Industry is such that they accord fancy title to puny jobs and ask for qualifications like MBA, etc in which a person spends 22 - 24 years. Eg most banking Industry accord VP/Director title to team Leads in System Admin department. The job would be puny, but qualification wouldn’t be less than Masters from IIT/NIT/IIMs.

此外，行业的情况是，他们给微不足道的工作赋予花哨的头衔，并要求诸如MBA等资格，而一个人需要花费22到24年的时间来获得这些资格。例如，大多数银行业将副总裁/董事的头衔授予系统管理部门中的团队负责人。这些工作可能微不足道，但资格要求却不低于来自IIT/NIT/IIMs的硕士学位。

Thus men take longer time to settle down and similar situation is for woman as well. Hence the feeling that youngsters aren’t getting married. When they are just delaying it

因此，男性需要更长的时间来安定下来，女性也是如此。因此，人们会有一种年轻人不结婚的感觉。实际上，他们只是在推迟结婚。

Msd
Dating should be normalized because it's unrealistic to truly understand someone in just a few days of conversation.

约会应该被正常化，因为在仅仅几天的交谈中真正了解一个人是不现实的。

Today's youth are caught between two generations — traditional parents and a modern generation that values independence and non-negotiable life choices.

当今的年轻人夹在两代人之间——传统的父母和重视独立与不可妥协生活选择的现代一代。

If parents stop pressuring their children into marriage, many young people would willingly choose to marry after getting to know their partners through dating.

如果父母不再向子女施压，许多年轻人会愿意在通过约会了解伴侣后选择结婚。

Lacey Hicks
Today in the west you can have many advantages of being married without actually being married (can live together, have kids together, with hardly a scandal), and when women can earn money and live on their own without a scandal, they can wait on a man who they love and be a great match for them. And youngsters don’t want a divorce/ marriage makes it harder if things don’t work out.

如今在西方，你可以在没有实际结婚的情况下享受许多婚姻的好处（可以同居，可以一起生孩子，几乎不会引起丑闻），而且当女性能够自己赚钱并独立生活而不引起丑闻时，她们可以等待一个她们爱的男人，并成为他们的绝佳伴侣。年轻人不想要离婚/婚姻如果事情不顺利会变得更难。

David
In America 47% of people are married, over a lifetime 65% have been married at some time in their lives. In India I was surprised to read about 45% are married, I thought it would be higher and around 51% of the population there has never been married. The trend in America is marriage rates are steadily declining, neither of my kids are married, I imagine India the same. As societies become more civilized, rights become enshrined into law, things like hitting a spouse becomes not only illegal but immediately prosecuted and divorce becomes no fault and very easy. Good trends, not bad.

在美国，47%的人已婚，一生中有65%的人曾经结过婚。在印度，我惊讶地读到45%的人已婚，我本以为会更高，大约51%的人口从未结婚。美国的趋势是结婚率稳步下降，我的两个孩子都没有结婚，我想印度也是一样。随着社会变得更加文明，权利被载入法律，像打配偶这样的行为不仅变得非法，而且会立即被起诉，离婚也变得无过错且非常容易。这是好的趋势，不是坏的。

Shantam Naskar
Many reasons for that, and it depends on the cultures. In our bangladeshi cultue, usually youngsters don't have the resources to get married so they just can't, because the brides side would definitely look if you have job, a house and a car and etc. Nobody wants to give up their own daughter to a poor house, this is why being okay with finances is important. So this case is where the youngsters want to get married, but they simply can't because of these financial difficulties, and it's a hard pill to swallow. On the other side, it gives you some motivation as well, and you just have to direct it to the right place.

这有很多原因，而且取决于文化。在我们的孟加拉文化中，通常年轻人没有足够的资源来结婚，所以他们无法结婚，因为新娘的家人肯定会看你是否有工作、房子和车等等。没有人愿意把自己的女儿嫁给一个贫穷的家庭，这就是为什么经济状况良好很重要。所以这种情况是年轻人想要结婚，但由于这些经济困难，他们根本无法结婚，这是一个难以接受的事实。另一方面，这也给了你一些动力，你只需要把它引导到正确的地方。

Another reason is that western influence is here already and guys now want to choose career and a job rather than get married, because getting married pins you to a location. I know you think you can go abroad with your wife, but it just gets 2x harder and the expenses get 2 times more and it's just hard, and most give up and stay where they are, and that would be end of their adventorous dreams.

另一个原因是西方的影响已经存在，现在男性更倾向于选择职业和工作，而不是结婚，因为结婚会将你固定在一个地方。我知道你认为你可以和妻子一起出国，但这只会让事情变得两倍困难，费用也会增加两倍，这很困难，大多数人会放弃并留在原地，这将是他们冒险梦想的终结。

One more reason is that people are just forgetting the values of a family, and this is especially bad for our community because a family is important for us. If we start loosing families, that would be just loosing a part of ourselves, and this is something we need to take care of.

另一个原因是人们正在忘记家庭的价值，这对我们的社区尤其不利，因为家庭对我们很重要。如果我们开始失去家庭，那将只是失去我们自己的一部分，这是我们需要关注的事情。

I undertand that the concept of marriage is overcomplicated, and what others think is super important, these are just obstacles that we need to get rid off.

我理解婚姻的概念被过度复杂化了，而且他人的看法极其重要，这些都是我们需要摆脱的障碍。

Always Learning, Trying to Understand Why

不断学习，努力理解原因

There are so many of these responses that women are gold diggers, out to get a man to pay her way…

有很多这样的回应，认为女人是拜金者，目的是让男人为她买单……

But as a woman who made a very good salary, often far more than the majority of the men I met, there are also far too many young men who want a woman to pay their way so they can live a life of leisure while she takes on all the responsibilities, kids, money, financial burdens and decisions.

但作为一个收入非常高的女性，通常比我遇到的大多数男性都要高得多，也有太多年轻男性希望女性为他们支付费用，这样他们就可以过着悠闲的生活，而她却要承担所有的责任、孩子、金钱、财务负担和决策。

These guys just want to ride on her accomplishments and have no ambition, goals or empathy for anyone. Of the women that I know and have worked with, more than half of the women earn more than their husbands, often substantially more. Before marriage the men were adoring and so helpful to their girlfriends, but the men have come to expect to be taken care of and frankly become lousy husbands once married.

这些人只是想坐享其成的利用她的成就，没有雄心壮志、目标或对任何人的同理心。在我认识并共事过的女性中，超过一半的女性比她们的丈夫赚得更多，通常是多得多。在结婚前，男人们对他们的女友非常崇拜和乐于助人，但婚后，男人们开始期望被照顾，坦率地说，他们变成了糟糕的丈夫。

So it goes both ways, people have stopped being responsible, loyal, and committed to their spouses and families.

所以这是双向的，人们已经不再对他们的配偶和家庭负责、忠诚和承诺。

I personally know several women who married such men, and after a certain amount of time, the men decide they want a divorce but also want spousal support and half her earnings, retirement etc, even when marriages are short and there are no kids. Why? Because she has worked hard while he has been lazy and she has climbed her professional ladder and now makes more and has more earning potential.

我个人认识几位女性，她们嫁给了这样的男人，过了一段时间后，男人决定离婚，但还想要配偶赡养费和她的收入、退休金等的一半，即使婚姻时间很短且没有孩子。为什么？因为她努力工作，而他却懒惰，她已经攀登了她的职业阶梯，现在赚得更多，有更高的收入潜力。

I have seen the opposite too, until people lose the entitlement mentality, get pride again and work equally hard for what they want, become committed to their spouses and children, if they have them, and get good old fashioned family values again, I cannot see this changing.

我也看到过相反的情况，直到人们摆脱了理所当然的心态，重新获得自豪感，并为他们想要的东西同样努力地工作，对他们的配偶和孩子（如果有的话）做出承诺，并重新获得良好的传统家庭价值观，否则我看不到这种情况会改变。

It is a tragedy for the younger generation to lose that experience of a life well lived with a partner that you honestly love, respect and would walk through fire to protect.

对于年轻一代来说，失去那种与真心相爱、尊重并愿意赴汤蹈火去保护的伴侣共同度过美好生活的经历，是一种悲剧。

Daily life  everything
I don't know much about the actual cultures today but there are differences in relation to the sociocultural influences of western culture.

我对当今的实际文化了解不多，但在与西方文化的社会文化影响方面存在差异。

In general the culture requires that the acceptable requirement is for people in their 30’s to be married with at least one child a good job and a comfortable living space as a demonstration of social validation for a successful life.

一般来说，文化要求30多岁的人应该结婚，至少有一个孩子，有一份好工作，并且拥有舒适的生活空间，以此来展示社会对成功生活的认可。

Daily life  everything
Still Masturbating - sitting in the last row of a movie theater- extreme right seat if right handed …….

仍在自慰 - 坐在电影院的最后一排 - 如果是右撇子，则坐在最右边的座位……

Go - see it for yourself and at End of the movie ask his age and for how long has he been bonding with his right hand.

去 - 亲眼看看，在电影结束时问他的年龄以及他与右手建立联系有多长时间了。

since I turned 18 - I am 36 - would you like to learn how to play with yourself in a crowd 

自从我18岁以来——我现在36岁——你想学习如何在人群中自娱自乐吗？

How do you think it's like getting an answer and an offer ?

你认为得到答案和得到提议的感觉如何？

Daily life  everything
Ah, India in the Springtime! Nothing like it in all of the world!

啊，春天的印度！全世界都无与伦比！

I’ve never been but a man who called about my car’s extended warranty told me that it was beautiful.

我从未去过，但一个打电话来谈论我汽车延保的人告诉我那里很美。

I imagine that it is likely either very lonely or exceedingly liberating to be single in India in your 30’s…It is likely even more so in someone else’s 30’s, while you are a different age, altogether!

我想，在印度，30多岁时单身可能要么非常孤独，要么极其自由……而在别人的30多岁时，当你处于完全不同的年龄时，这种感觉可能更加强烈！

Anyway, I think it behooves us to recall that geography does not dictate the needs of the human heart. Though it does often sway our culinary preferences. The only food that I like in an Indian restaurant is Rolaids. Ugh…

无论如何，我认为我们应该记住，地理并不能决定人类心灵的需求。尽管它确实经常影响我们的饮食偏好。在印度餐厅里，我唯一喜欢的食物是Rolaids。呃…

Anyway, I hope this helped.

无论如何，我希望这有所帮助。

Your geographical love coach,

你的地理爱情教练