为什么"留面子"在中国文化中如此重要？

TeaInternational-
It’s important because making people look stupid is seen as really bad manners.
Respecting someone – or something – means wanting to treat them as well as possible. Naturally, this includes taking care to avoid conflict where possible. In that light, it’s not a case of choosing between respect and conflict avoidance; the two are often intertwined. This is also why pointing out flaws or correcting mistakes is approached gently – through suggestion, implication, or questioning – rather than direct criticism. It’s not about pretending things are perfect, but about upholding respect at all costs while still finding room to improve.
But to add to that, there’s also a strong sense of personal responsibility – a duty to be aware of how you affect anyone and anything, anywhere and everywhere you are. A sign of good upbringing and strong family values is someone who takes care not to cause conflict. Making someone lose face is considered horrid manners – it’s unkind and seen as socially irresponsible.
When it comes to authority figures – like parents, grandparents or bosses – correcting them directly is often seen as taboo. These are the people who provide for you, who have invested their time and resources into your survival and well-being. From this moral standpoint, asking them to apologise can be seen as not just inappropriate, but ungrateful. Even if they make mistakes, the emphasis is on appreciating their sacrifices – not on pointing out their flaws.
Of course, not everybody strictly follows these principles all the time – but the understanding is ingrained in the society as a whole.

这很重要，因为让人出丑被视为极其失礼的行为。
尊重某人或某物，意味着希望尽可能善待他们。自然，这包括在可能的情况下尽量避免冲突。由此可见，尊重与避免冲突并非二选一的关系，二者往往相互交织。这也正是为什么指出缺点或纠正错误时，人们倾向于采用委婉的方式——通过建议、暗示或提问——而非直接批评。这并非假装一切完美，而是不惜代价维护尊重的同时，仍为改进留出空间。
但除此之外，这里还存在强烈的个人责任感——一种无论身处何时何地，都要意识到自己对任何人、任何事影响的责任。能够谨慎避免引发冲突的人，往往被视为教养良好、重视家庭价值的典范。让人丢脸被认为是极其恶劣的行为——既刻薄又缺乏社会责任感。
面对权威人物——比如父母、祖父母或上司——直接纠正他们往往被视为禁忌。这些人为你提供生活所需，将时间和资源倾注于你的生存与福祉。从道德立场来看，要求他们道歉不仅显得不合时宜，更会被视为忘恩负义。即便他们犯错，重点也应放在感恩他们的付出上，而非揪住过失不放。
当然，并非所有人都时刻严格遵守这些准则——但这种观念已深深植根于整个社会之中。

BotherBeginning2281 to TeaInternational-
But to add to that, there’s also a strong sense of personal responsibility – a duty to be aware of how you affect anyone and anything, anywhere and everywhere you are
Someone really should point that out to the vast majority of drivers...

“但除此之外，这里还存在强烈的个人责任感——一种无论身处何时何地，都要意识到自己对任何人、任何事影响的责任。”
真该有人向大多数司机指出这点...

TeaInternational- to BotherBeginning2281
You’re not wrong!   

你说得没错！

Whanksta to TeaInternational-
this is the best answer

这是最佳答案

royxsong to TeaInternational-
I am a Chinese. My understanding is different. We’ve been told to be outstanding and to be number one since we’re born.In reality, there’s always a better kid from schools or neighbors. After school, there’s no such criteria to test your position. Opinions from others are important to make you feel you’re the best. Or you can treat others like they are less important than you to make you the best

我是中国人。我的理解有所不同。我们从小就被教导要出类拔萃、争做第一。实际上，学校里或邻居家总有更优秀的孩子。毕业后，就没了衡量自身位置的标尺。他人的看法很重要，能让你觉得自己是最棒的。或者你可以把别人看得不如自己重要，这样你就能成为最优秀的

TeaInternational- to royxsong
Wow, it sounds like a lot of people truly wanted you to stand out and excel. That speaks volumes about how much they cared for you, and that kind of upbringing certainly has its own merits. From the way you express yourself, it’s clear you were taught to observe the world around you – and that suggests a sense of respect.
How do you personally feel about your upbringing, though? Would you have done anything differently? And what values would you want to pass on to your own children?

哇，听起来很多人真心希望你能出类拔萃。这充分说明了他们对你的关爱，这种成长方式确实有其独特价值。从你的表达方式来看，显然你被教导要观察周围的世界——这体现了一种尊重的态度。
不过你个人对自己的成长经历有什么感受？你会希望有什么不同吗？你又会想把哪些价值观传承给自己的子女？

Healthy_Razzmatazz38 to TeaInternational-
is it though? plenty of Chinese people i have worked with are very blunt and direct and i dont mean that in a bad way
it always seemed more like a power structure thing, equals dont make each other look bad. I.E. from the Chinese perspective the us should not do something that embarasses china, but its perfectly acceptable for china to do something that embarasses australia.

真是这样吗？我共事过的许多中国人都非常直率坦诚，这么说绝无贬义
这似乎更像权力结构的问题——平级之间不会互相拆台。比如从中国视角看，美国不该做让中国难堪的事，但中国让澳大利亚难堪就完全没问题。

ParticularDiamond712
Honestly, this shouldn’t be controversial. Back then, European nobles dueled for honor, pride, or love—it was basically just hardcore face-saving

说实话这根本不该有争议。当年欧洲贵族为荣誉、骄傲或爱情决斗——本质上就是极端的面子工程

Sad_Tomato_6337
A lot of the time I see it as a way of giving the person the respect enough to figure out their own mistake on their own terms.
Problems arise especially with elders and bosses who 9/10 don’t deserve their face being saved but get it anyway this can lead to toxic power imbalances.

很多时候我认为这种方式是给予对方足够的尊重，让他们按照自己的方式认识到错误。
问题尤其出现在长辈和上司身上——十之八九他们根本不配保全面子，却总能如愿以偿，这会导致恶性的权力失衡。

Nightowl11111 to Sad_Tomato_6337
And it is also human nature. Leading them to realize their own mistake is better than turning someone stubborn by calling him out. Humans get more stubborn with confrontation and that does not help problem solving.

这也是人性使然。引导他们自行觉悟，远比当面揭穿让固执之人更顽固要好。人类面对对抗时会更加固执，这无助于解决问题。

CariMariHari to Sad_Tomato_6337
And what if they never figure it out, growing complacent in an echo chamber of yes-men?

如果他们始终未能醒悟，在唯唯诺诺者的回音室里日渐自满，又当如何？

Sad_Tomato_6337 to CariMariHari
Just cover it up with narcissism, bigotry or denial the same like anyone who can’t admit their mistakes. It’s a huge advantage to be able to learn from one’s mistakes - growth mindset.
Vast majority of people who need a lot of face aren’t interested in learning from mistakes if it comes at the price of a loss of face.
In a face based society you don’t necessarily need intrinsic values to succeed so long as others perceive you as being successful is just as if not more useful in a group.
Can have both though but it’s a lot harder to cultivate as you need originality which as you can imagine is hard to come by if that is stamped out of you since birth.

用自恋、偏执或否认来掩盖错误，就像那些不愿承认自己犯错的人一样。能够从错误中学习是一种巨大的优势——这就是成长型思维。
绝大多数极度爱面子的人，如果学习错误需要以丢脸为代价，他们就不会有兴趣从中吸取教训。
在注重面子的社会里，你并不一定需要内在价值才能成功，只要别人认为你成功了，这在群体中即使不是更有用，也同样有用。
当然也可以两者兼得，但这需要培养原创性，而如果从出生起这种特质就被扼杀，可想而知这是非常困难的。

Melodic-Comb9076
it’s def a korean and japanese thing, too.
cannot speak for other asian countries.

这也绝对是韩国和日本特有的现象。
其他亚洲国家的情况我不便评论。

Acceptable-Trainer15 to Melodic-Comb9076
def a Vietnamese thing too.

越南也有这种现象

jettech737
This saving face thing is not appropriate in a safety sensitive position like jobs where people can get injured or killed. My airline in the US has a non punitive repeating system where we can report our own mistakes without fear of getting punishment.
The company then uses this data collected from reports to see if training or procedures needs to be improved or people simply need to be issued a bulletin to be more informed about a particular task that may be prone to mistakes. We've seen a reduction in accidents as a result of this non punitive safety culture where education, not fear reigns over us.

在涉及人身安全的高危岗位上，这种"保面子"的做法极不恰当。我所在的美国航空公司实行非惩罚性报告制度，员工可以主动上报失误而无需担心受罚。
公司会分析这些上报数据，判断是否需要改进培训流程、修订操作规程，或是发布警示通告以提高员工对易错环节的认知。在这种以教育而非恐惧为主导的安全文化下，我们的事故率已显著下降。

bdknight2000
reminds me of a management advice I received: when praising your people, do it in public. when criticizing them, do it in private, 1:1 settings.

这让我想起一条管理建议：表扬员工要公开，批评则需私下进行，一对一沟通。

hansolo-ist
The US isn't good at losing face either.

美国人也同样不擅长丢面子。

PMG2021a to hansolo-ist
Sadly, the cover up lies from the US president's staff appear to provide feedback to support him in continuing down bad paths. 

可悲的是，美国总统幕僚的掩盖谎言似乎提供了反馈，支持他在错误的道路上继续前行。

Quiet-Ad-8132 to hansolo-ist
I agree. Tbh in geopolitics you can't afford to. That's why China won't back down on the South China sea.

我同意。说实话在地缘政治中你不得不这样。这就是为什么中国在南海问题上不会让步。

One-Performance-1108 to hansolo-ist
Discussing China matters without mentioning the West : impossible challenge.

讨论中国事务而不提及西方：不可能完成的任务。

Orceles
The Chinese believe they’re playing an MMO while the west think they’re playing a single player game. When people have awareness that the people around them matter, they are more respectful with how they interact with them. They will be more empathetic with the faces of others and that of themselves.
As opposed to the need for being blunt and telling others to suck it up for being butthurt. There are consequences to being inhuman in a human interaction.

中国人认为自己玩的是网游，西方人却以为在玩单机。当人们意识到周围人的重要性时，互动时就会更懂得尊重。他们会对他人的面孔——也包括自己的面孔——产生更多共情。
而不是非得直白地让别人忍着点别玻璃心。在人际交往中丧失人性是要付出代价的。

SoSoDave to Orceles
But if nobody is willing to point out anyone else's mistakes, then doesn't the whole system simply fall apart because nobody ever corrects anything?

但如果没人愿意指出别人的错误，整个体系不就因为无人纠错而崩溃了吗？

Orceles to SoSoDave
Who said anything about not pointing out mistakes? The Chinese are the first to point out mistakes lol. The difference is in the subtlety for how you do it. Humans are more receptive to criticism when you consider their feelings. If effectiveness is what you’re looking for, the more reason to not be blunt. It’s called Tact.

谁说不能指出错误了？中国人可是最爱挑错的群体哈哈。区别在于表达方式的微妙之处。顾及对方感受时，人们更容易接受批评。若追求实效，就更不该直言不讳——这叫说话的艺术。

SoSoDave to Orceles
How are you allowing someone to save face if you point out that they made a mistake?

如果你指出别人犯了错，又该如何给对方留面子呢？

Orceles to SoSoDave
Here’s how to employ Tact. An example in the workplace:
Scenario: Your boss and you are brought into a meeting with the CEO and your boss is showing a presentation about Q4 earnings and future projections.
The CEO asks about the earnings number which your boss mentions a positive performance improvement, and quotes a 35% uptick. Now this number is not precise. The actual percentage when rounded up is actually closer to 34%.
In such a scenario if you “correct” your boss in this presentation, you may think you’re doing your company a favor. But what you’re actually doing is raise suspicion towards the accuracy of the entire presentation, the face of not just your boss (and therefore his trust in him), but the reliability and effectiveness of your entire department (given that the two of you were out of sync going into a high level meeting).
The correct thing to do here is denote the mistake to your boss after the meeting and regroup with him on
If it is worth updating the CEO after the meeting for the more precise number. (If that level of precision is needed for this level of meeting)
How to inform the CEO of the correction on a United front.
This level of tact is something you learn as you rise through the ranks of corporate culture, but is also something the Chinese practice in mindfulness for everyday life.

以下是运用机智的示范。以职场场景为例：
情境：你和上司被召集参加与 CEO 的会议，上司正在展示关于第四季度收益及未来预测的汇报。
当 CEO 询问收益数据时，你的上司提到业绩有积极改善，并引用了 35%的增长幅度。但这个数字并不精确——四舍五入后的实际增长率更接近 34%。
这种情况下，如果你在汇报现场"纠正"上司，可能自以为是在维护公司利益。但实际上，你的行为会引发对整个汇报准确性的质疑，不仅损害上司的颜面（进而影响对其的信任），还会动摇整个部门的专业信誉（毕竟你们二人在高层会议中出现数据不一致）。
正确的做法是在会后向老板指出错误，并与他重新商议
1.是否值得在会后向 CEO 更新更精确的数字（如果这个级别的会议需要如此精确的数据）
2.如何以一种统一战线的方式告知 CEO 修正内容
这种处事技巧是随着在企业文化中晋升而逐渐掌握的，但也是中国人日常修习正念时就会实践的智慧

SoSoDave to Orceles
O k, but what if your boss says that you are to plus thirty five when you're actually at minus fifteen and the accuracy of the entire report "should" be called into question?

好吧，但如果你的老板说你业绩是正 35 分，而实际上你是负 15 分，整个报告的准确性"应该"受到质疑吗？

Orceles to SoSoDave
You whisper in his ear the correct number. Obviously depending on the gravity of the misspeak you can correct them. Once again, use Tact. Weigh empathy with urgency, as long as empathy is part of the equation.

你可以在他耳边轻声说出正确的数字。显然，根据说错话的严重程度，你可以纠正他们。再次强调，要讲究策略。权衡同理心与紧迫性，只要同理心仍是考虑因素之一。

SoSoDave to Orceles
So even when you know someone is blatantly lying, you are not supposed to call them out on it?

所以即使你知道有人在明目张胆地撒谎，你也不应该揭穿他们吗？

Orceles to SoSoDave
It’s about having empathy and being constructive vs being destructive.

关键在于怀有同理心，建设性而非破坏性地行事。

blazer4ever
Why is political correctness is western society so important, for the exact same reason

为什么西方社会如此重视政治正确，正是基于同样的道理

Independent_Hope3352 to blazer4ever
There's a lot of pushback on political correctness. It's dying out.

现在对政治正确的反弹很强烈，这股风潮正在消退。

Nightowl11111 to Independent_Hope3352
It's a trap. Pushing back on political correctness is the new political correctness! lol.
There will always be standards, the only difference is who sets these standards and where the line is drawn.

这是个陷阱。反对政治正确反而成了新的政治正确！笑死。
标准永远存在，唯一的区别在于由谁来制定这些标准，以及界限划在哪里。

etk999
Which country has the more rational people and efficient society that are up to your standards? Because I genuinely think a lot of what you are describing is universal to some extent.

哪个国家拥有符合你标准的理性人群和高效社会？因为我真心认为你描述的很多现象在某种程度上具有普遍性。

Lost_Major9562 to etk999
The Netherlands? Germany? Switzerland?
I mean people in Northern Europe aren't afraid to tell you what they think...

荷兰？德国？瑞士？
我的意思是北欧人可不怕告诉你他们的真实想法...

etk999 to Lost_Major9562
I have seen people saying Chinese people are too blunt and people saying Chinese people are too indirect, I think both are true. I have even seen many times people are on the internet saying Asian people just don’t care and they say whatever they want. All of these can be true , it just depends on the situation, but OP described it as if those are the reactions most Chinese people will give to in those scenarios, that is inaccurate.
There are also things that a Chinese person think they need to save face from , but people in other regions of China care much less about. There are more nuances to this topic.

我见过有人说中国人太直率，也有人说中国人太含蓄，我觉得这两种说法都对。甚至多次看到网友说亚洲人根本不在乎，想说什么就说什么。这些情况都可能存在，关键要看具体情境。但原帖描述得好像大多数中国人在那些场景下都会如此反应，这就不准确了。
还有些中国人觉得需要留面子的事，在中国其他地区的人看来根本无所谓。这个话题其实有更多微妙之处。

Electronic-Run2030
Everyone cares about reputation, unless he doesn't want to be accepted by society. But in our culture, this often becomes a burden for individuals. Saving face does not prevent conflict; on the contrary, many conflicts are caused by it. Only by taking care of others' face can we avoid conflicts.

人人都重视声誉，除非他甘愿被社会排斥。但在我们的文化中，这往往成为个人的负担。留面子并不能避免冲突；恰恰相反，许多冲突正由此引发。唯有顾及他人的颜面，方能化解矛盾。

Optimal_Cause4583
I think it's important in every culture
Chinese are just more open about it 

我认为这在每种文化中都至关重要
中国人只是对此更为明显

neufski
I don’t know why this is even a question. Just look at the US government, does it ever acknowledge its mistakes or wrongdoings? Does it not embarrass you watching those blatant brown nosing and a s s kissing done by high ranking officials right in front of your eyes on TV? And the head of NATO even called Trump “daddy” in front of the world audience. I have yet to witness that level of flattering in any Chinese settings.

我不明白这有什么好问的。看看美国政府，它可曾承认过自己的错误或恶行？那些高官在电视上公然溜须拍马、阿谀奉承的场面，难道不让你感到难堪吗？北约领导人甚至当着全世界的面称特朗普为"爸爸"。我在中国可没见过这种级别的谄媚。

BeanoMenace
Fragile egos.   

脆弱的自尊心

haokun32
Replace saving face with reputation and everything should be clear.
Contradicting your superiors in front of everyone is undermining them, generally speaking ofc.

将"留面子"替换为"维护声誉"，一切就豁然开朗了。
当众反驳上级就是在削弱他们的权威，一般来说当然是这样。

Slodin
This only Chinese when you call it saving face.
It’s literally saving your reputation or PR for nowadays marketing term.
Sure you can find differences maybe, but ultimately they are the same thing.

只有中国人会把这称为"留面子"。
用现代营销术语来说，这其实就是维护个人声誉或公关形象。
你或许能找出些微差别，但归根结底它们是一回事。

ReturnEarly7640
Harmony among human relations, it cultivates

人际关系的和谐，需要悉心培养

Washfish
Good for business and your future

对事业和未来大有裨益

BodyEnvironmental546
I would personally attribute it to the traditional hierarchy society, when ppl are expected to behave according to your social status. Don't point other ppl's wrong means, only the seniors can lecture younger, you shouldn't put yourself i to that position unless you are his boss or father.

我个人认为这源于传统等级社会的影响——人们被要求依照社会地位行事。不可指出他人错误意味着只有长辈能训诫晚辈，除非你是对方的上级或父亲，否则不该僭越这种身份定位。