QA：你什么时候意识到外表很重要？
When did you realize that looks DO matter?
译文简介
网友：亲密家庭部分的影响很深。我记得曾经读过一项研究，关于可爱的婴儿比“不可爱”的婴儿得到更好的对待。我内心的一部分感到非常悲哀，甚至父母也会根据孩子的外貌来评判自己的孩子。
正文翻译
When did you realize that looks DO matter?
你什么时候意识到外表很重要？
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I’ve weaved in an out of good looks a few times in life, the biggest difference is I become basically invisible when I am not attractive. The saddest part is this is true for everyone, even close family.
我这辈子的外表好看与否曾几次变迁，最大的区别在于，当我不具吸引力时，我基本上就变得无人问津。最悲哀的是，这对每个人都是如此，即使是亲近的家人。
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Not gonna lie reading this helped me make a connection in my brain lM. Trying to spend any family time with my stepmom was like pulling teeth. She later described my appearance as “vomit inducing” in a text she sent me.
不撒谎，读这个确实让我脑海中产生了一些连结，笑死我了。试图和我的继母共度家庭时光就像拔牙一样难受。后来她在发给我短信时形容我的外表‘令人作呕’。
我现在住得离她很远，但该死的，这是因为她觉得我丑。
Holy shit you don’t need her in your life.
我的天，你的生活中不需要她。
谈论经典的恶毒继母
the close family part hits hard. i remember reading a study once about how cute babies are treated better than "non cute" ones. a part of me felt so sad that even a parent could judge their child based on how they look.
亲密家庭部分的影响很深。我记得曾经读过一项研究，关于可爱的婴儿比“不可爱”的婴儿得到更好的对待。我内心的一部分感到非常悲哀，甚至父母也会根据孩子的外貌来评判自己的孩子。
Can confirm, been invisible my whole life except when someone needs something.
可以确认，除了别人需要我帮忙的时候，我的整个生活都如同隐形一般。
Fuck I feel this so much. Your phone never lights up from genuine care. It’s hidden behind a motive. Can’t wait to change my number and not tell anyone.
我太感同身受了。你的手机从来不是因为真心的关心而亮起，背后总有目的。迫不及待想换电话号码，一个人都不告诉。
I don’t ask for help anymore nor do I help anyone. Friendships aren’t real these days. I’ll live in solitude in real life and make peace with my loneliness.
我不再寻求帮助，也不帮助任何人。现在的友谊都不是真的。我将在现实生活中独居，并且与我的孤独和解。
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I had a glowup at 30 and people were really friendly. Now I'm 40 and the only person who's smiled or spoken to me in the last year was a gal on meth whose teeth were falling out.
我30岁时变得更有魅力，人们都非常友好。现在我40岁了，在过去的一年里，唯一对我微笑或和我说话的人是一个牙齿都快掉光了的吸毒女孩。
I love how even you judged the girl on meth on her looks
我喜欢你甚至根据外表评判那个吸毒的女孩。
I was talking about this with my wife a few days ago. Bear in mind that I don't care since I'm spoken for, but it was an observation I had: I had a work conference all last week in another city. Every night the company had planned outings and parties and stuff. Now, I'm 40 years old and I have a few more pounds on me than I used to (I wouldn't say I'm fat, but I definitely have a dad bod) and let's be honest, my best looking days are behind me. What I noticed is that while I had no issues getting along with my coworkers and some peers from other parts of the country, all the younger more handsome men and the younger more attractive women were all huddled together conversing, planning outings, some of them started getting a little too cozy and I saw at least one of them couple up into a hotel room for the night.
几天前我和我妻子谈论了这个话题。请记住，我不在乎，因为我已经有伴了，但这是我观察到的：上周我整周都在另一个城市参加工作会议。每个晚上公司都安排了外出活动、派对之类的事情。现在，我40岁了，比以前胖了一些（我不会说我肥，但我绝对有爸爸身材），老实说，我最帅的日子已经过去了。我注意到的是，虽然我和我的同事以及来自国内其他地方的一些同行相处得很好，所有年轻帅气的男性和年轻有魅力的女性都聚在一起交谈，计划外出活动，他们中的一些人开始变得过于亲密，我至少看到他们中的一对进了酒店房间过夜。
我对妻子说，注意到这一点虽然有点奇怪，但也很有趣。以前的我会发现自己被随机地拉进一群其他年轻有魅力的人中，或许还会有点调情之类的。但现在我环顾四周，我的团队里只是一群谈论专业话题的年长宅男。哈哈。
You ought to watch the hunchback of Notre dame
你应该去看《钟楼怪人》。
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This happened to me too.. whenever I gained weight.. and it’s such a weird realization. I’ve lost it and now I’m approachable again it’s so strange..
这也发生在我身上。。每当我体重增加。。这是一种很奇怪的领悟。我已经减掉了体重，现在我又变得平易近人了，真是太奇怪了。。
Yup, the fun part is if you're into "lifting" when you bulk a bit too much it's just so noticable how people in public slowly start to treat you differently. Even people you know very well start to do so too. Then if you suddenly cut into your ideal weight range the attention comes roaring back, people are very friendly in public, you get invited to more places, etc etc.
是的，有趣的部分是，如果你对“举重”很感兴趣，当你稍微增加体重的时候，你会明显注意到公众中的人开始慢慢地对你态度不同。即使是你非常熟悉的人也开始这样做。然后，如果你突然减重到理想的体重范围内，注意力又会猛烈回归，公共场合的人们非常友好，你会被邀请去更多的地方等等。
这非常重要。
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There is something else going on here. It isn’t you either. Most humans are very unattractive and never go in and out of good looks. The vast majority of those humans have family and friends that want them in their lives. Your family is toxic and plainly awful people if what you are saying is true.
这里还有其他的事情。这也不是你的问题。大多数人都不好看，而且从来没有好看过。这些人中的绝大多数都有家人和朋友想要他们留在自己的生活中。如果你所说的是真的，你的家人是有毒的，是明显糟糕的人。
Strangers became a lot ruder to me after I gained weight
陌生人在我体重增加后对我变得更加粗鲁。
I had this, but the opposite.
我遇到了这个，但是相反的情况。
我的体重曾经达到大约88公斤...虽然不算特别超重，但绝对能看出来。
做了一年多或两年的生酮饮食，体重降到了60公斤。
我过去常去同样的商店、咖啡厅等地方，体重88公斤的时候，我与那些人只有简短而无意义的交流（通常是礼节性的“嗨，你好吗”）……体重减到60公斤时，那些相同的人突然想要和我真正地聊天，真诚地提问并希望建立融洽的关系。
同样显而易见的是，我与许多年的老朋友之间的社交互动... 当体重达到88公斤时，你会时不时地见面，更多的是像例行公事一样... 而当体重为60公斤时，你会被邀请参加所有的活动，人们总是想见面并做些事情。
This is an underrated comment - it's not just that people want to interact with you more, they want to be seen interacting with you more.
这是一个被低估的评论——不仅仅是人们想要更多地与你互动，他们还希望被看到与你互动。
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I mean, it could also be that people feel better when they are fit or skinny, and people who are relaxed and feel good about themselves are more enjoyable to hang out with. I’m not discounting that pretty people get a lot of passes. I’m just saying that inviting a now-fit person isn’t all due to “wanting to be seen interacting with a person” more.
我是说，人们在健康或苗条的时候可能也会感觉更好，而且那些放松并对自己感觉良好的人在一起玩会更令人愉快。我并不是在否认长得好看的人会得到很多优待。我只是说，邀请一个现在健康的人并不完全是因为“想要被看到和某人互动”更多。
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This is definitely true. One of my friends friends was so self conscious about her weight, and we noticed she'd feel obligated to turn up to events even if she hated them.
这绝对是真的。我的一个朋友非常在意自己的体重，我们注意到即使她讨厌某些活动，她还是觉得有义务参加。
不管你有多友好，或者我们有多不挑剔。我曾临时出席过不少活动，穿着邋遢，而其他人都穿得光鲜亮丽。但她是唯一感到尴尬和看起来不舒服的人。
这是那种你开始感到尴尬的情况，因为你邀请了她，却能感觉到她并不享受。这的确会影响整个团队的气氛。
她在新冠期间减了一些重，自信心也明显提升了。她不再让人们感到尴尬，因为她已经有了在群体中自在的自信，所以不再制造尴尬的局面。
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她提到人们对待她的方式有所不同。当我们尝试提起她的自信增强了，她不再因为感到自在而制造尴尬时刻时，她却不想听这些，真是可惜，因为她脑海中有那样的想法。我确信有些人是有肥胖恐惧症的，会以不同的方式对待你，但在这里并非如此。
I agree with you. I lost 35 pounds and the biggest thing I noticed was that I had more energy and wanted to do more things. This improved my mood. I'm sure I was more pleasant to be around, which made my friends think of including me more often. People with higher self esteem are generally more enjoyable to be around, so it not all being about people wanting to associate with attractive people sounds right to me.
我同意你的观点。我减掉了35磅，最明显的变化是我感到精力更充沛，更愿意去做更多事情。这改善了我的心情。我相信我变得更容易相处了，这让我的朋友们更经常地想到要包括我。自尊心较高的人通常更令人愉快，所以这并不完全是因为人们想要和有魅力的人交往，这种想法对我来说听起来是正确的。
THIS. I've noticed that people with lots of friends are typically attractive. Not saying that less attractive people can't have lots of friends, but there is a high correlation.
这个我注意到了。通常拥有很多朋友的人往往颜值较高。并不是说颜值不高的人就没有很多朋友，但这之间存在很高的相关性。
I've actually heard of attractive people, especially attractive women being lonelier. Maybe they have lots of "friends" but no one that's actually interested in them as a person. Same with rich people
我实际上听说过，有吸引力的人，尤其是有吸引力的女性会更加孤单。也许她们有很多“朋友”，但没有人真正对她们作为一个人感兴趣。富有的人也是一样。
That last line is so true. From my experience working with men in a professional career, it's somehow very important for men to be seen interacting, going to lunch, meetings, walks, plain yak' ing with good looking ( mostly younger ) women even in office. It's a cheap thrill behavior on part of men who are married too. On the other hand they're rude and dismissive to women who they deem not ( sexually ) attractive to them.
最后一句话太对了。根据我和男性在职业生涯中的合作经验，男性似乎非常重视与外表好看的（通常是年轻的）女性互动，一起吃午餐、开会、散步，或者仅仅是聊天，即使是在办公室里也是如此。这种行为对于那些已婚的男性来说是一种廉价的刺激。另一方面，如果他们认为某些女性对他们来说没有（性）吸引力，他们就会对这些女性无礼且轻视。
Now I’m curious if there’s any difference in how men treat attractive men vs ugly men.
现在我很好奇，在男人对待帅哥与丑男之间是否有任何差异。
I am not particularly attractive, but I'm in good shape and I am tall. It makes me look like a stereotypical business executive. So many people assume I have more authority than I do. During COVID they stuck me, just a department head, into a conference room that was in between the c level guys offices. Suddenly everyone just assumes I'm a VP or something. I try not to ask coworkers who I don't interact with much for things because it seems like they drop everything to do what I need. No matter how much I tell them I don't need it right away it doesn't matter. I feel bad because it seems like they are trying to impress me because they think I'm important. I'm pretty sure if I dressed more casual or was scruffy looking I wouldn't get level of extra respect.
我不算特别有魅力，但身材不错，个子也高。这让我看起来像是典型的商业高管。所以很多人会误以为我权威比实际上的要大。在新冠疫情期间，他们把我，一个部门负责人，安排在C层管理人员办公室中间的一个会议室。突然间，每个人都以为我是副总裁之类的。我尽量不去请求不太交流的同事帮忙，因为他们好像会立刻把手头的事情放下，去做我需要的事。无论我多么强调不急着要，似乎都没用。我感到有些不好，因为他们似乎在努力给我留下好印象，因为他们认为我很重要。我很确定如果我穿着更休闲或者看起来邋遢一些，我就不会获得这种额外的尊重了。
Haha wow. Good for you. Hope your pay is high enough to afford the spiffy clothing.
哈，哇。真为你高兴。希望你的工资足够高，能买得起这些时髦的衣服。
当女性在工作中看到一个总是穿着得体、又高又壮、并且最重要的是，话不多（或者不喋喋不休）的男性时，她们通常会认为这个人地位很高，比办公室里其他人都懂得多。或者也许她们就是喜欢高管那样的行为举止。
There definitely is. I've gone from a pretty blobby 240 to a fit 180 at various points, and you get more respect professionally and they are more willing to talk to you socially.
当然有。我曾经从240磅的胖子变成了180磅的健身者，在职场上能得到更多的尊重，并且在社交场合人们也更愿意和你交谈。
This is the answer, my wife and her sister are both 50+, one was a real model, one tried but didn’t get much work, I they still look great, size 3, 5’8”, and get invited to things because they make the pics look better, and make the invitee look better to the other friends because she has pretty friends. (Plus, they are cool and fun,imo).
这是答案，我的妻子和她的姐妹都50多岁了，一个是真正的模特，另一个尝试过但没有得到太多工作，我认为她们看起来仍然很棒，穿3号衣服，身高5英尺8寸，她们之所以受邀参加活动，是因为她们让照片看起来更好，也让邀请她们的人在其他朋友面前看起来更好，因为她有漂亮的朋友。（另外，我觉得她们很酷也很有趣）。
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My wife and I are pretty people. We've noticed that in any friend group we are in, we only get invited to things with one other couple or big events. We came to the conclusion people want to brag they've been hanging out with us or that we're at their big event. The small stuff we don't really get invited to.
我和我的妻子都是相当有魅力的人。我们发现，在我们所在的任何朋友圈中，我们只被邀请参加和另一对夫妇的活动或是大型活动。我们得出结论，人们想要炫耀他们和我们一起出去玩，或者我们参加了他们的大型活动。那些小型的聚会，我们通常不会被邀请。
Yep! I've had this same experience before.
是的！我以前也有过同样的经历。
I’ve had the same experience as well. Used to be around 300 lbs and dropped all the way to 180-200 lbs. Since losing weight people actually approach me and try to include me in conversations even though i’ve always been a quiet person. When I go to the doctor’s they actually try and understand what I have going on instead of automatically blaming it on my weight. Even some friends who i’ve known for years treat me differently now.
我也有同样的经历。我以前大约有300磅，减到了180-200磅。自从减肥以后，人们开始主动接近我，试图让我参与到对话中，尽管我一直是个安静的人。当我去看医生时，他们实际上会尝试去理解我的情况，而不是自动地将问题归咎于我的体重。即使是一些认识多年的朋友，现在对我也有了不同的态度。
Ooo, the doctor thing is the worst. Every time I've ever complained about knee pain, it's always my weight, according to the doctor. Sure, looking at me right now at 330lbs., it's easy to say that, but it's a lot harder to say that when they also hurt when I weighed 200lbs. after having 3 torn ACLs, a couple MCLs, a fractured femur, blood clots, etc.
哦，这个医生的事情太糟糕了。每次我抱怨膝盖疼时，医生总说是因为我的体重。当然，现在看我330磅的体重，很容易就这么说，但当我体重200磅，经历过3次前交叉韧带撕裂，几次内侧副韧带损伤，股骨骨折，血栓等情况后，他们就不容易这么说了。
是的，我的膝盖疼痛不仅仅是因为我的体重。通过减轻体重（我打算这么做！）来缓解我的膝盖痛，不会完全解决疼痛问题。
Sleep/wake problem? Anxiety...do some breathing
睡眠/觉醒问题？焦虑……做一些呼吸练习。
心里有顾虑？焦虑……去接受心理治疗吧。
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Doctors like that make me so mad because it makes me think of my uncle. He saw around 6? doctors in his 20's for his leg pain and he heard many a time it was from being overweight. No one took him seriously till the last doctor who finally listened.
这样的医生真让我生气，因为这让我想起了我的叔叔。他在20多岁的时候因为腿疼看了大约6位医生，很多次都被告知是因为体重超标。直到最后一位医生终于认真倾听他的诉说之前，没有人真正认真对待他。
他的下半腿被癌症侵蚀与体重超重毫无关系。等到发现时，他的脚里只剩下几块骨头。情况本不应该恶化到那个地步，但没有人认真对待他的情况。
The dumb thing is that even if it were just your weight (not saying it is!), they should still try and help you with it in a way that would actually treat your symptom. “You should lose weight” would not make it past the first stage of any clinical trial, it works so rarely works.
愚蠢的是，即使问题仅仅是你的体重（并不是这么说！），他们也应该试着以一种真正能治疗你的症状的方式来帮助你。‘你应该减肥’这句话在任何临床试验的第一阶段都通不过，它很少有效。
I think the point is without losing the weight you cant treat it only mitigate it. That is not their line of business.
我认为重点是如果不减轻体重，你无法治疗它，只能缓解。这不是他们的业务范围。
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reddit doctor here, pretty sure your knee pain is from your weight... jk
Reddit上的医生在这儿，很确定你的膝盖痛是因为你的体重……开个玩笑的。
I experienced a very similar effect. I was a 24 year old male, 155kg. I finally had a eureka moment while TA'ing a uni biochemistry course. Gave up processed sugar and lost 10 kilos in 10 weeks. After that a four year program of diet and exercise took me to 85kg. And people I had known for years, some for my entire life, treated me like I was a completely different person. It really made me lose respect for a lot of the people in my life.
我有过非常相似的体验。我是一个24岁的男性，体重155公斤。当我在大学里做生物化学课程的助教时，我终于有了一个顿悟。我放弃了加工糖，10周内减掉了10公斤。之后，四年的饮食和锻炼计划让我减到了85公斤。一些认识了多年，甚至是我一生中的人，对待我就像我是一个完全不同的人。这真的让我对生活中很多人失去了尊重。
I had an ugly duckling stage in school - went from an ugly, fat kid to a quite handsome, in shape teenager.
我在学校经历了一段“丑小鸭”时期——从一个又丑又胖的孩子变成了一个相当英俊、体形匀称的青少年。
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突然间，我变得存在感满满，人们都想要成为我的朋友，和我深入交往。这是在经历了多年的冷落，被人假装在走廊上没看见我等等之后的事情。
当你意识到人们是多么的肤浅和浅薄，你会变成一个更冷漠的人。我开始利用女孩子来获得认可，一旦我得到了我想要的，就把她们抛开——这是我不完全自豪的事情，但我也不后悔。