QA问答：普通中国人如何看待嫁给外国人的中国女性?

John Lombard
Well, I’m Canadian, with a Chinese wife, and have been in China 23 years, so know lots of other mixed marriages here. So I think I can offer some insight on this. First of all, it’s not all that easy to answer…it depends on which Chinese you are talking about, and which foreigners.

嗯，我是加拿大人，有一位中国妻子，已经在中国生活了23年，所以我对这里的许多其他混血婚姻有所了解。所以我认为我可以对此提供一些见解。首先，这并不是那么容易回答...这取决于你谈论的是哪些中国人，以及哪些外国人。

For Chinese, those who live in cities tend to be much more open-minded and accepting of mixed marriages, than those in rural areas. For the most part, Chinese people don’t treat my wife badly when they find out she’s married to a foreigner…but there are those, a minority, who will call her a ‘traitor’ for marrying a non-Chinese, or who will assume she married me only for money or a passport (neither of which are true…we married when I had little money, and we both live in China, no plans to return to Canada).

对于中国人来说，城市居民往往比农村地区的人更开明，更接受混血婚姻。就大部分而言，当中国人发现我的妻子嫁给了外国人时，他们并不会对她不好...但也有少数人会称她为"叛徒"，因为她嫁给了一个非中国人，或者会假设她只是为了钱或护照而嫁给我（这两者都不是真的...我们结婚时我几乎没有钱，我们现在都生活在中国，没有回加拿大的计划）。

But when we talk about foreigners…most people, when they use this term, tend to mean “white people”. But of course foreigners can be Asian (Japanese, Korean, etc.), or black, or Middle Eastern, or other ethnicities.

但当我们谈论外国人时...大多数人在使用这个术语时，往往指的是"白人"。但当然外国人可以是亚洲人（日本人、韩国人等），或者黑人，或者中东人，或其他种族。

Marriage to another Asian (except Japanese) is generally the most widely acceptable. They may not be Chinese, but at least they’re Asian. This would even include ABCs (American-Born Chinese), who may know nothing at all about Chinese language or culture. Just the fact that they are Chinese, or Asian, makes it easier to accept.

和另一个亚洲人（除了日本人）结婚通常是最广泛被接受的。他们可能不是中国人，但至少他们是亚洲人。这甚至包括美籍华人（美国出生的华人），他们可能对中国语言或文化一无所知。仅仅因为他们是中国人或亚洲人，就更容易被接受。

Jews are also generally viewed very positively. Unlike many countries where Jews face negative racism, Chinese for the most part view Jews as being hard-working, intelligent, and good with money…all desirable traits in a husband. And most Chinese consider that the offspring of a Chinese/Jewish pairing will be exceptionally intelligent and successful.

犹太人也普遍受到积极的评价。与许多国家对犹太人存在负面种族主义不同，中国人大多认为犹太人勤奋、聪明且善于理财...这些都是作为丈夫的可取品质。而且大多数中国人认为中犹配偶的后代将异常聪明和成功。

Caucasians are generally acceptable (slightly less so in rural areas, but not too much of a difficulty); and again, the children of such mixed marriages are generally expected to be both physically attractive, and intelligent. In fact, the most common comment on my marriage is that “You’ll have beautiful children” or “Your children will be very smart.”

白人一般是可以接受的（在农村地区稍微不那么容易接受，但问题不算太大）；而且，这种混血婚姻的子女通常被期望既有吸引力，又聪明。事实上，对于我的婚姻，最常见的评论是"你们会生出漂亮的孩子"或"你们的孩子会非常聪明"。

Darker skin, however, is a bigger problem. Be it Middle Eastern or African origins, darker skin is considered quite unattractive. There is also a fair bit of passive racism towards blacks…the assumption they’re not as smart, or not as honest, or other such stereotypes. I’ve heard many Chinese, especially those from rural areas, comment that darker skin is ‘dirty’. In fact, there was a Chinese commercial for a clothes detergent not that long ago that got a lot of negative international attention, when it showed a Chinese woman putting her black boyfriend into a washing machine…and then he comes out as a pale-skinned Asian man (and both of them are happy about it).

较深的肤色，无论是中东人还是非洲人的血统，都会带来更大的问题。深色肤色被认为相当不吸引人。对黑人也存在相当程度的隐性种族主义……人们会假定他们不太聪明，或者不够诚实，或者其他类似的刻板印象。我听过许多中国人，特别是那些来自农村地区的人，评论说深色肤色是"脏的"。事实上，不久前有一个中国洗衣粉的广告引起了很多负面的国际关注，其中展示了一个中国女人把她的黑人男朋友放进洗衣机里，然后他出来变成了一个皮肤苍白的亚洲男子（两个人都对此感到高兴）。

So…if a Chinese woman tells her parents she’s going to marry an Asian man, there will generally be little concern. If she tells them she’s going to marry a Jewish man, it will also generally be met with little resistance. If she tells them she’s going to marry a white man, there may be more concern, but it will generally be accepted. But if she tells them she’s going to marry a dark-skinned man, she’s likely to meet much more resistance and concern from her parents.

所以...如果一个中国女人告诉她的父母她要嫁给一个亚洲男人，一般不会引起太多担忧。如果她告诉他们她要嫁给一个犹太男人，通常也不会遇到太多阻力。如果她告诉他们她要嫁给一个白人，可能会引起更多的担忧，但一般也会被接受。但如果她告诉他们她要嫁给一个深肤色的男人，她很可能会遇到更多来自父母的阻力和担忧。

And before some Chinese readers say, “My parents wouldn’t say that!” or “I don’t think like that!”, I know that attitudes are changing, especially among the younger and more educated generation. But I think that most Chinese would admit that, if looked at on a general basis, these attitudes are pretty accurate.

在一些中国读者说"我的父母不会这样说！"或者"我不这样想！"之前，我知道态度正在发生改变，特别是在年轻和受过教育的一代中。但我认为大多数中国人会承认，从总体上看，这些态度是相当准确的。

Anonymous
I am a Chinese guy, quite surprised to see that there are so many non Chinese answering this question although question itself is intended for an average Chinese.
It depends on the ethnicity of the foreigners. Most Chinese women usually marry white men compared to foreigners from other ethnicities.

我是一个中国男性，看到这么多非中国人回答这个问题，感到非常惊讶，尽管问题本身是针对普通中国人的。这取决于外国人的种族。与其他种族的外国人相比，大多数中国女性通常嫁给白人男性。

The thing that bothers me is that it seems many Chinese women lower their standard marrying white guys who just work as English teachers. These white guys don’t need to have a house nor a car to marry these Chinese women, but usually they won’t even look at you twice if you are a Chinese man without a house and a car. Chinese schools are usually willing to hire unqualified white people to be English teachers, you can encounter high school graduates white teachers in smaller Chinese cities. I even know a French guy who got a job as an ESL teacher and his English is horrible.

让我不安的是，似乎很多中国女性在嫁给只是当英语教师的白人男性时降低了标准。这些白人男性不需要有房子或汽车就能娶这些中国女性，但如果你是一个没有房子和汽车的中国男人，他们甚至不会瞧你一眼。中国的学校通常愿意雇佣没有资质的白人当英语教师，在中国的小城市中，你可以见到只有高中毕业的白人教师。我甚至认识一个法国人，他作为一名ESL教师找到了工作，但他的英语很糟糕。

I personally look down on these women not because they marry foreigners, but because it seems that they just marry white men because of their skin color. No matter how unattractive the white guy is, the woman is willing to please him. If it was a Chinese guy he would need to look attractive in order to appeal these Chinese women.

我个人看不起这些女性，不是因为她们嫁给外国人，而是因为似乎她们只是因为皮肤颜色而嫁给白人男性。无论这个白人男性有多么不吸引人，这些女性都愿意取悦他。如果是一个中国男性，他必须看起来很吸引人才能吸引这些中国女性。

I have seen it very often, my female Chinese friends with masters degree and young who end up marrying uneducated old white guys in China. But with a Chinese guy, they become very picky, the guy needs to be more educated, has a stable job, good looking and fit. I was actually single in China for so many years although I have a master’s degree from Europe, speak several languages and do weight lifting 3x a week. Probably because there are too many competitions in China lol.

我经常见到这种情况，我的中国女性朋友，拥有硕士学位，年轻的她们最终却嫁给了在中国的没有受过教育的老白人。但是对于中国男性，她们变得非常挑剔，男性需要更受过教育，有稳定的工作，英俊健康。而我在中国单身多年，尽管我拥有欧洲的硕士学位，会说多种语言，每周健身三次。可能是因为在中国竞争太激烈了哈哈。

I somehow got a high position job in Germany and ended up marrying a Polish-German woman. I am now living in China with my wife and our son. My wife gets tons of questions from Chinese women on why she chose to marry a Chinese guy instead of a white guy. Of course my wife always get offended but I just tell her to relax.

我在德国得到了一个高职位的工作，最终娶了一位波兰-德国混血的妻子。现在我和妻子以及我们的儿子生活在中国。我的妻子经常被中国女性问为什么她选择嫁给中国男性而不是白人男性。当然，我的妻子总是感到受伤，但我只是告诉她放松点。

I never really criticize them in real life because it is not any of my business. They are free to marry anyone that they like. Beside I actually ended up marrying a foreigner myself, I probably shouldn’t judge them because I do exactly the same thing myself.

我实际上从不在现实生活中批评她们，因为那不关我的事。她们可以自由选择嫁给任何她们喜欢的人。而且我自己最终也娶了外国人，我可能不应该批评她们，因为我自己也做了同样的事情。

Manlio Neri
Actually i have first hand experience about that.
My wife is from Nanchong, Sichuan. I’m Italian.
While as couple we attire sometimes some looks in her hometown, or other cities in Sichuan, including Chongqing.. nothing in Shanghai. While in Shenzhen again we get some stares.

实际上，我有第一手的经验。 我的妻子来自四川南充。我是意大利人。 作为一对夫妇，我们在她的家乡有时会引起一些注目，或者在四川的其他城市，包括重庆...在上海则没有。而在深圳，我们再次引起了一些注视。

At time happens also some unpleasant episodes, in Jiangsu Nantong, people seems to be a lot less tollerant and in one year many times i’ve heard people talking bad about us, just in front of my wife. Also in Shenzhen happened the same, but just once, by a man that sincerelly seemed helpless in finding a girlfriend (so i guess was just frustrated because of this).

有时也会发生一些不愉快的事情，在江苏南通，人们似乎不那么宽容，在一年中，我多次听到人们在我妻子面前说我们的坏话。在深圳也发生了同样的事情，但只有一次，是一个男人在找女朋友时看起来真的很无助(所以我猜他只是因为这件事而沮丧)。

Usually i avoid to say i have a Chinese wife, because one episode in particular hit me. When i was just arrived in China, years ago, i talked with a Chinese guy, he asked me whether i have a Chinese girlfriend “no” i said, after that he seemed getting relaxed and told me that despite what they usually say, the truth is that he would like to stab any foreigner he sees with a Chinese girlfriend.. I guess to have a big surplus of men doesn’t help.

通常我避免提到我有一个中国妻子，因为有一件特别的事件让我印象深刻。当我刚到中国时，多年前，我和一个中国人聊天，他问我是否有中国女朋友，"没有" 我说，之后他似乎松了口气，告诉我尽管他们通常会说什么，但事实上他很想捅死任何和中国女朋友在一起的外国人...我猜男性人口过剩可能是个原因。

I’ve noticed sometimes people, especially men, to change their attitude and for the worse when i say i have a Chinese wife, or when they see me with my wife. That’s by far not universal, i have some Chinese men friends and they are supportive of my marriage.

我注意到有时候人们，特别是男性，在得知我有一个中国妻子或者看到我和妻子在一起时，会改变他们的态度，而且是变得更糟。当然这绝对不是普遍的情况，我也有一些中国男性朋友，他们支持我的婚姻。

Chara Chan
It’s the best choice for women over 30 or is a single mom with a kid, for the prejudice against such women in China would defy their chance of marrying a decent Chinese man.
Interracial marriage would be great for the prosperity, in that they will have a greater chance to become bilingual and can easily adapt themselves to both cultures.

对于30岁以上的女性或是带着孩子的单身母亲来说，跨国婚姻可能是最好的选择，因为在中国社会中，这些女性很难找到一个像样的中国男人。跨国婚姻对于文化和经济的繁荣也有很大的促进作用，因为他们有更大的机会成为双语人才，并能够轻松适应两种文化。

The gold digger thing happens, but both sides take advantage of each other, so it's unfair to blame the less privileged side. If one has the “gold” to be dug, he definitely has the capacity to weigh the pros and cons of marrying awoman from a less developed nation. If he decides to marry her, he must have calculated the risk of her running away from him after 2 years. But I think this might be more common in some less developed countries other than China. After all, it's not hard for the female white collars to earn more than 10,000RMB a month in my city.

寻找能提供金钱支持的伴侣这种事情确实存在，但两个人都有利用对方的行为。因此，责怪那些处于弱势地位的一方是不公平的。如果一个人有能力提供“金钱”，那么他肯定有能力权衡娶一个来自较不发达国家的女人的利弊。如果他决定和她结婚，那么他必须计算她可能在两年后离开他的风险。但我认为这种情况在一些不太发达的国家比中国更普遍。毕竟，在我所在的城市，女性白领每月赚1万人民币并不难。

Aaron Cai
It's a good thing, actually. More transnational marriages we see, more open China is.
I've seen dozens of Chinese men and women having foreign spouses. Congratulate them. It's not so different from marriages between Chinese people, after all, even we have some regional cultural gaps to get over with.
Once again, who said we have gender balance issue? ;)

实际上，这是一件好事。我们看到越多的跨国婚姻，中国就越开放。我见过许多中国男人和女人娶了外国配偶。祝贺他们。毕竟，与中国人之间的婚姻并没有太大区别，尽管我们之间可能存在一些地域文化差异需要克服。再次强调一下，谁说我们有性别平衡问题呢？ ;)

Lance
Unless it is a fake marriage for immigration or something done for money and other ulterior motives, no one really think it is anything different than a Chinese couple besides they have to deal with some unique problems for marrying with a foreigner.
There are people who think it will be ‘traitorous’ to marry to a foreigner but those are rare and they usually get angry at anything anyway since they are just losers in life.

除非是为了移民或其他不可告人的动机而进行的假结婚，否则没有人真的认为与一个外国人结婚有什么不同，除了他们必须面对一些与嫁给外国人相关的独特问题。有些人认为嫁给外国人是“背叛”，但这些人很少，他们通常对任何事情都感到愤怒，因为他们在生活中只是一些失败者而已。

Jan Li
I don’t know if I count since I’ve been in the U.S. since the age of 7. When I was dating a white American guy, my grandfather was disappointed, citing communication issues as he wouldn’t be able to communicate with him or the rest of my extended family. No one else in my family said anything about it. When I started dating my husband, a Chinese-American who moved to the U.S. at age 6, my grandfather was at first happy that I was seeing someone who was Chinese and speaks Chinese, but he became disappointed again when he learned that we wouldn’t be moving back to China. I guess that’s when I found out what he really wanted was for me to move back to China.

我不知道自己是否算得上，因为我从7岁起就在美国生活。当我和一个白人美国男友约会时，我的祖父感到失望，他提到了沟通问题，因为他无法与他或我其他亲戚进行交流。我家其他人对此没有多说什么。当我开始和中国裔美国人丈夫约会时，他起初很高兴，因为我找了一个会说中文的中国人，但当他得知我们不打算回中国时，他又感到失望了。我想那时我才明白，他真正希望的是我能回到中国。

For the most part, my mom has always encouraged me to date whomever I wanted. Other family members don’t care much, though they would prefer Chinese for ease of communication. A lot of strangers are interestingly very excited if you’re dating white because they’re already predicting how awesome your babies are going to look.

大多数情况下，我妈妈一直鼓励我和任何我喜欢的人约会。其他家人并不太在意，尽管他们更愿意选择中国人以便沟通更容易。有趣的是，很多陌生人听说你和白人约会后会非常兴奋，因为他们已经预测你的宝宝会有多么可爱。

Alex Shim
I think that marriages between Chinese women and foreigner men is terrible. How the hell am I supposed to find a Chinese wife if all these foreigners are taking my women? Is not there own women satisfactory or did those foreign men give up because they kept on getting rejected by their own women? There are already 33 million more Chinese men than Chinese women in China in 2022 and the interracial pairing between WM/AF is just making the situation for me even worse.

我认为中国女性和外国男性之间的婚姻是可怕的。如果所有这些外国人都夺走了我的女人，我该怎么办呢？他们自己的女人不够满意吗？还是因为自己的女人不断拒绝他们而放弃了？2022年中国已经有比中国女性多3300万的男性，白人男性和亚洲女性之间的跨种族配对只会让我的处境更加糟糕。