你做过的最困难的事情是什么?(一)
What is the hardest thing you have ever done?译文简介
网友:那天晚上还在睡觉......那是我一辈子都不会忘记的夜晚。当时是晚上10点,她通常在晚上8点左右从大学回来,但那天还没回来。到了11:30,仍然没有回家。我和父亲一起开着Activa品牌的摩托车离开家,去找她。妈妈独自一人在家哭,哭得魂不附体......
正文翻译
What is the hardest thing you have ever done?
你做过的最困难的事情是什么?
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Sleeping that night...
That's the night I'll never forget for the rest of my life.
It was 10:00 pm. She usually comes back around 8:00 pm from college. Not today.
It was 11:30 now. Still not home.
I left my house on an Activa along with my father, on a search for her.
Mamma was home alone crying, bawling her brains out.
We live in India, we don't tell people such problems and ask them for their help, cus "honor".
Searched every place I could, asked people if they saw this girl anywhere, showing them her beautiful smile on dad's phone. No luck!
Came back home at 1:30 without her. I couldn't see my mom cry anymore. I tried to shut my ears, couldn't.
At 3:00, a friend of her texted saying she must have been at this resort 50 kms from home.
Dad and I took the car, reached that place, but turns out you need a boat to get to the resort. And the boat service starts only at 5:00 in the morning. If you need to go there NOW, you have to take a detour and travel another 50 kms to get to the other side.Another 90 minutes, we reached that resort. It's a very remote place. The guard didn't let us in. They don't take guests after 9:00 pm, he said.
那天晚上还在睡觉......
那是我一辈子都不会忘记的夜晚。
当时是晚上10点,她通常在晚上8点左右从大学回来,但那天还没回来。
到了11:30,仍然没有回家。
我和父亲一起开着Activa品牌的摩托车离开家,去找她。
妈妈独自一人在家哭,哭得魂不附体。
我们生活在印度,遇到这样的问题,我们不会告诉他人,也不会向他们寻求帮助,因为这是“荣誉”。
我搜寻了所有我能找到的地方,问人们是否在任何地方看到过这个女孩,并在爸爸的手机上向他们展示她美丽的笑容,不过运气不好!
1点30分回家,没有找到她。我不能再看到妈妈哭了,我试着捂住耳朵,但做不到。
3点,她的一个朋友发短信说她一定在离家50公里的度假胜地。
爸爸和我开着车,到达了那个地方,但事实证明你需要一艘船才能到达度假村。船运服务只在早上5点开始。如果你现在需要去那里,你必须绕行50公里才能到达另一边。过了90分钟后,我们就到达了那个度假胜地。这是一个非常偏远的地方。警卫不让我们进去。他说他们晚上九点以后不接待客人。
Came back home, mommy was quiet. Mommy always scolded her daughter about things. But she always bought the costliest shit for her.
I told them we need to inform the cops, mamma strictly said "NO!". That's the end of that discussion.
Dad said, let's just go to sleep and fell on the bed. Mom was sitting on the edge. All of a sudden as I put the lights out, mamma started crying so loudly dad had to calm her down.
She cried ALL night. It was 5:30 in the morning when we came home.
Now it was 6:00. My mom was weeping slowly with her eyes against my dad's chest, while she laid her head on his shoulder. I could hear it ALL. That night I preferred to sleep right next to them. I had a lump in throat. I couldn't even recall the last time I had a lump this big. I realised that no matter how much we fight over stupid shit, I loved her WAY more than I thought I hated her. You'll never know what it feels like when you have no whereabouts of your sister. You'll never know how heavy your heart feels like until you know there's supposed to be another person in this house at this time of the day, but isn't.
I don't know what happened next. I tried to think of every good thing in my life, but nothing popped up, nevertheless, between my mom's sobs and my dad's comforting words to her, I somehow managed to drift into sleep.
At 7:00 dad's phone rang, I was in fact sleeping, but somewhere deep in my mind, something hit me like a hammer and compelled me to wake up and pick the damn phone!!!
运气不佳
回家后,妈妈很安静。妈妈总是在一些事情上责备她女儿,但她又总是给她买最贵的东西。
我告诉他们我们需要通知警察,妈妈严厉地说“不要!”。讨论到此结束。
爸爸说,我们去睡觉吧,然后倒在了床上。妈妈坐在床边。突然,当我关灯的时候,妈妈哭得很大声,爸爸不得不让她平静下来。
她哭了一整夜,当我们回到家时已经是早上五点半了。
现在已经6点了。我妈妈把头靠在爸爸的肩上,眼睛靠在爸爸胸口低泣,我都能听到。那天晚上我倾向于睡在他们旁边,我喉咙哽咽了。我甚至记不起我上一次喉咙肿这么厉害是什么时候了。我意识到,无论我们为愚蠢的事情争吵了多少次,我对她的爱远远超过了我对她的恨。你永远不会知道当你找不到你姐姐的时候是什么感觉。你永远不会知道你的心有多沉重,直到你知道在一天中的这个时候这所房子里应该有另一个人,但事实并非如此。
我不知道接下来发生了什么。我试着去想生活中每一件美好的事情,但什么也想不出来,然而,在妈妈的啜泣声和爸爸安慰她的话语中,我不知怎么地进入了梦乡。
7点,爸爸的电话响了,我其实正在睡觉,但在我的脑海深处,有什么东西像锤子一样砸在我身上,强迫我醒来然后拿起该死的电话!
"Hello!, Am I speaking to Mr..."
"Yes! What is it?"
"We have a patient here, she was unconscious, we couldn't find any contact until now, thankfully we got this number just a few minutes back. Do you know Sneha?"
"YES!," "WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Nothing. She happened to pass out near.... She's alright now, asleep."
"WHICH HOSPITAL IS IT?"
"....XYZ"
Me and my dad hustled out of my house, while I grabbed the keys to the Activa. Got in the elevator, I cursed it for taking so long to reach down 23 floors. Dad rode it while I sat back. We were on our way to meet my sister. Only I know what thoughts were in my mind all that night. Every least possible thing seemed too probable to happen. And I mean EVERY possible thing. There was a moment when I wished to just want her back. Just Back ALIVE seemed satisfying. Am not good with emotions. My dad did shed a tear or a couple that night. Not me. But now when we were on our way to the hospital, feeling the cold wind passing through my hair lines, imagining what'd happen if we didn't hear anything from anybody about her even today, I broke down. I broke down but only before I made sure nobody was looking. Of course nobody was looking, it was 7:20, my dad was driving, I was behind him. That's when I realised family is what keeps me ALIVE. :
“你好”
“你好!你是…先生吗?”
“是的!什么事?”
“我们这里有一个病人,她昏迷了,直到现在我们都找不到任何联系人,谢天谢地,我们几分钟前刚拿到这个号码。你认识 Sneha吗?”
“认识!”“发生了什么事?”
“没什么,她碰巧在附近昏倒了……她现在没事,睡着了。”
“是哪家医院?”
我和爸爸匆匆忙忙地走出家门,而我却抢着拿Activa摩托车的钥匙。进了电梯,我诅咒它花了非常长的时间才到达23层楼。爸爸骑摩托,而我坐在后面。我们在去接我姐姐的路上。只有我知道那天晚上我脑子里在想什么。每一件最不可能发生的事似乎都太可能发生了,我指的是一切可能的事情。有一刻,我只想让她回来。活着回来似乎就很令人满意了。我不善于处理情绪。那天晚上,我爸爸确实掉几滴眼泪,而我没有。但现在,当我们在去医院的路上,感觉到冷风吹过我的发际,想象着如果我们今天没有听到任何关于她的消息会发生什么,我崩溃了,在确定没人注意我之前,我崩溃了。当然没有人会看到,当时是7:20,我爸爸在骑车,我坐在他后面。就在那时,我意识到家庭是让我活下去的原因。
Cutting my little brother down from the balcony from which he’d hanged himself. From the time I saw him hanging has been the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with or do. I still get nightmares about it and it was 6 + months ago.
I went to visit my little brother about six months ago at his apartment. I hadn’t seen him in a couple weeks and just wanted to visit. Upon arrival it quickly became apparent that he was having emotional difficulties. His girlfriend was in VA, and was there because she was looking at breaking up with him and moving there. He was only 18 and I don’t think he’d ever really had a girlfriend in this sense. He was an anxious wreck--when she got back and broke up with him he turned into a depressed wreck.
There was some drama with her, but eventually she left, asking me to stay with him and watch him, just in case. That was already my plan and I said as much.
把我弟弟从他上吊自杀的阳台上弄下来。从我看到他上吊开始,这是我不得不处理或做的最艰难的事情。对此我仍然会做噩梦,那是6个多月前的事了。
大约六个月前,我去弟弟的公寓看望他。我已经好几个星期没见到他了,只想去看看他。抵达后,很快就发现他情绪上有问题。他的女朋友当时在弗吉尼亚州,因为她想和他分手,所以搬到那里。他只有18岁,从这个意义上说,我不认为他真的有过女朋友。他是一个焦虑的失败者——当她回来和他分手时,他变成了一个沮丧的失败者。
她发生了一些戏剧性的事情,但最终离开了,让我和他呆在一起看着他,以防万一,我也是这么计划的,我也劝了他很多。
He went outside at one point (and got his belt back without me knowing it) and sat against the outside wall.
Then I heard something outside sounding like he had punched or hit the wall. I had assumed that that's it was but after a couple minutes I got a feeling that I should check on him.
I opened the door, and... he wasn’t there. My first thought was that he’d jumped from his second story balcony and ran off somewhere, to let off steam (my whole family is very athletic and jumping from a second story balcony for whatever reason is a very common sort of action for anyone in my family).
在接下来的一两个小时里,我不得不把他的皮带从他身上拿走好几次(他拿着腰带抽打自己,留下了非常严重的伤痕,甚至在一些地方弄破了皮肤。他还经常在我没看见的情况下把腰带拿回来,真狡猾。)
有一次他走到外面(在我不知情的情况下拿回了皮带),靠着外墙坐着。
然后我听到外面有什么声音,听起来像是他在击打墙壁。我本来以为是这样的,但几分钟后,我觉得我应该去看看他。
我打开门,然后发现他当时没在那儿。我的第一个想法是他从二楼的阳台上跳下来,跑到什么地方发泄一下(我全家都很爱运动,不管出于什么原因,从二楼阳台上跳下来对我家里的任何人来说都是一种很常见的行为)。
Never in my life have I panicked, except perhaps this time (and I’ve been through a lot of crazy shit: if I told you a fraction of it you wouldn’t believe me).
I reached for my multi-tool (Gerber) which is always on my belt, pulled it from its case, flicked open the pliers, and fumbled for the knife. I say perhaps I panicked this time, because although I did everything right and in a timely manner I’ve never in my life fumbled with folding out a blade.
I will never forget how easy it was to cut the belt; it was almost like someone had made this cut before me then feebly put it back together, waiting for me to make my cut.
我正要关上门回去学习,这时我看到他挂在栏杆上——靠近阳台的角落,让人看不见他——他已经不省人事了。
我这辈子从来没有恐慌过,除了这次(我经历了很多疯狂的事情:如果我告诉你其中的一小部分,你不会相信我的)。
我伸手去拿我的多功能工具(Gerber),它总是别在我的腰带上,把它从箱子里拔出来,弹开钳子,摸索着找刀。我得说也许这一次我恐慌了,因为尽管我做得很好,很及时,但我一生中从未在折叠刀片时出错。
我永远不会忘记剪断皮带是多么容易;就好像有人在我之前剪了这个口子,然后把它虚假在一起,等着我再剪。
I watched. This too is seared into my brain--permanently branded--his body falling and flopping, limp as a cloth doll onto the cement patio floor below.
Next immediate decision? Do I jump down to him or do I go out the door and race down the stairs? I was freaking out and was worried about hurting myself on the fall, which would have made me less effective In saving my little brother. I chose the stairs, and called
I used to be a massage therapist (2004–2007). My mom and grandma are and were both nurses. I’ve had a fair amount of CPR and First Aid training, and I'm very intelligent besides. I know what to look for in these circumstances and how to check vitals. I say that because even at that time--amid all the crisis--I thought it absolutely hilarious listening to the dispatcher tell me to do things I’d already done: Pulse, check. Breathing, check. I counted his breaths. I’d tilted his head back to open his airway and make his breathing easier. I found this dispatcher unpleasant, irritated, and impatient with me (she would talk over me, telling me to check his pulse, as I was telling her what his pulse was--that sort of thing). Still, I was glad she was there--it gave me something else to focus on other than the current situation.
我曾考虑过把他拉到阳台上,但放弃了这个想法——我本可以把他拉上来的,但那是两层楼,时间很重要。我最快的选择就是把砍断腰带。
我看着,这一幕也深深地烙在我的脑海里——永远地烙在我的脑海里——他的身体像布娃娃一样摇摇晃晃地落在下面水泥露台的地板上。
下一个直接决定?我是跳下去找他呢,还是出去跑下楼去?我吓坏了,担心摔倒会伤到自己,这会降低我救弟弟的效率。我选择走楼梯,然后拨打电话。
我曾经是一名按摩治疗师(2004-2007)。我妈妈和奶奶现在和过去都是护士。我受过相当多的心肺复苏和急救培训,而且我很聪明。我知道在这种情况下要注意什么,以及如何检查生命体征。我这么说是因为即使在那个时候——在所有的危机中——我觉得听调度员告诉我做我已经做过的事情绝对是滑稽的:脉搏,检查。呼吸,检查。我数着他的呼吸。我把他的头向后倾斜,打开他的气道,让他的呼吸更轻松。我发现这个调度员很不愉快,易怒,对我不耐烦(她会说服我,让我检查他的脉搏,因为我在告诉她他的脉搏是多少——诸如此类的事情)。尽管如此,我还是很高兴她的存在——这让我有了别的东西可以关注,而不是仅关注当前的情况。
It all got taken care of as well as could be expected. My little brother, while being kept a few days in the hospital due to some bruising of his larynx and difficulty eating, has made a full recovery, Thank God.
I’ve never had trouble expressing myself, executing an action--anything. I’m a very capable, experienced, intelligent, and rational human being. I’m the one who--when the shit hits the fan--is calming people down, organizing and collecting necessary things, regulating, and slapping those who are panicked to get them to calm down, etc. I’m always the one with the level head (and I’ve been in a number of different situations where this skill has been used).
This time however, with my little brother's life in the balance, I could barely talk. I almost failed to save my little brother's life. I’m glad I did, but this was the most difficult and hardest thing I’ve ever experienced and done. I hope I never have to go through anything like it again.
我指导调度员告诉急救人员具体位置,告诉急救人员发生了什么,然后把他们带进来,等等。
这一切都得到了很好的处理。我的弟弟,由于喉咙有点淤青和进食困难,在医院住了几天,已经完全康复了,感谢上帝。
我从来没有在表达自己,执行某个动作——或任何事情上遇到过困难。我是一个非常能干、经验丰富、聪明和理性的人。当惊慌失措时,我会让人们平静下来,组织和收集必要的东西,调节,拍打那些惊慌失措的人,让他们平静下来,等等。我总是头脑冷静(我曾在很多不同的情况下使用过这项技能)。
然而这一次,我弟弟的生命危在旦夕,我几乎说不出话来。我差点没能救我弟弟的命。我很高兴我做到了,但这是我经历过和做过的最困难、最艰难的事情。我希望我再也不用经历这样的事情了。
Take my mother off life support.
My mum suffered an ischaemic stroke sometime in February, 2011.
Delayed medical attention and negligence when attention was given left her paralysed on the entire right side of her body.
Three years of botched up medical care and the death of my father left her with a very weak body and an even weaker will to survive. I think the only reason she held on for 20 months after my father's death was because she wanted to get better for me.
One morning in June, 2014, she woke up severely dehydrated and was unable to take any solids or liquids. By the time the ambulance arrived, she was experiencing shortage of breath and was frothing at her mouth when she was carried into it, and kept going in and out of consciousness.
She started crashing as soon as we reached the ER. The next two hours were the most trying hours of my life, watching a team of doctors repeatedly try to revive her, rush her to an ICU where she was put on life support with medicines being pumped into her like lifeblood.
About four hours after I'd first walked into the hospital, after multiple trips to the pharmacy and an ATM, the doctor on her case took me aside and told me that her second stroke had led her already frail body to an eventual cardiac arrest. They'd tried all they could, but even life support couldn't keep her body from flatlining without continuous drugs.
He would continue trying if I requested, but he hoped that I could see what he meant. The decision was mine to make.
把我妈妈的生命维持系统拿掉。
我妈妈在2011年2月的某个时候患了缺血性中风。
医疗护理的延误和疏忽导致她的整个右侧身体瘫痪。
三年糟糕的医疗护理和父亲的去世让她的身体非常虚弱,生存的意志更弱。我想她在我父亲死后坚持了20个月的唯一原因就是她想为了我好起来。
2014年6月的一天早上,她醒来时严重脱水,无法摄入任何固体或液体。救护车到达时,她呼吸急促,被抬进救护车时口吐白沫,意识时断时续。
我们一到急诊室她就开始昏倒了。接下来的两个小时是我一生中最艰难的几个小时,看着一队医生反复试图让她苏醒过来,把她送到重症监护室,在那里她靠药物维持生命,药物就像生命线一样被注入体内。
在我第一次走进医院大约四个小时后,在多次去药店和ATM后,她的医生把我拉到一边,告诉我她的第二次中风导致她本已虚弱的身体最终心脏骤停。他们已经尽了全力,但如果没有持续的药物治疗,即使是生命维持系统也无法阻止她的身体垮下来。
如果我要求的话,他会继续尝试,但他希望我能明白他的意思,这个决定得我下。
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As someone who has always wanted to be a doctor(I'm a bioengineer), I knew what the doctor's words meant. I deemed it better to let her go, and send her off with the dignity she deserved instead of unnecessarily prolong her suffering, all the while depriving another patient of a life support machine.
It was, and remains to this day, the most difficult decision I have ever had to make. It not only meant administering an official death sentence on my mother, but it also meant I would no longer be a "child", having lost my father already.
As a person of science, I know I did the right thing, but as a daughter, somewhere in my heart I hold guilt that maybe, I shouldn't have given up so soon.
在我母亲的一生中,她在两岁时切除了一个肾脏,终身患有哮喘和甲状腺问题,由于医疗条件导致肥胖,在我九岁的时候,当她的身体充满水分时,她的心脏衰竭了40%。
作为一个一直想成为医生的人(我是一名生物工程师),我知道医生的话是什么意思。我认为最好让她走,带着她应得的尊严离开,而不是不必要地延长她的痛苦,同时剥夺另一个病人需要的生命维持机。
这曾经是,直到今天,也是我不得不做出的最艰难的决定。这不仅意味着对我的母亲执行正式的死刑判决,也意味着我不再是一个“孩子”,因为我已经失去了父亲。
作为一个科学工作者,我知道我做了正确的事情,但作为一个女儿,我内心深处有一种负罪感,也许,我不应该这么快就放弃。
Showing my son his birth certificate.
I gave birth to an out of wedlock child; in my culture it's forbidden to do so. An unmarried woman giving birth to a child is considered as sinner.
Originally we wanted to put him up for adoption, but at the last minute my parents changed their mind and adopted him. I was only 18 at that time, not quite underage but also not of legal age yet.
He grew up thinking I'm his sister, when one day at school he saw a copy of his birth certificate (he's only 10 y.o). The first thing he asked was why was he born out of the state we are living in.
The second, why is my name stated as his mother and not my mom.
I remember the day when I wait for him after school, took him to lunch, then handed him the original copy of his birth certificate. I look into his 10 years old eyes and said "I'm actually your mother. Mom is not your mother, she's your grandma", expecting him not to fully understand what's happening.
He went quiet, finishes his meal, and asked to go home.
The drive back home was an agonizing one. I didn't know what to expect from him.
I was scared.
给儿子看他的出生证明。
我非婚生子,在我的文化里,这样做是被禁止的。未婚女子生孩子被认为是罪人。
起初我们想让别人收养他,但在最后一刻我父母改变了主意,收养了他。那时我只有18岁,不算未成年,但也没有达到法定年龄。
他从小就把我当成他的姐姐,有一天他在学校看到了他的出生证明复印件(他只有10岁)。他问的第一件事就是为什么他出生在我们现在居住的州之外的地方。
第二,为什么我的名字是他妈妈而我妈妈的名字竟然不是他妈妈。
我记得有一天,我放学后等他,带他去吃午饭,然后把他出生证明的原件递给他。我看着他10岁的眼睛说:“我其实是你妈妈。妈妈不是你妈妈,她是你奶奶”,希望他没有完全理解发生了什么。
他安静下来,吃完饭,要求回家。
开车回家是一段痛苦的旅程。我不知道该对他有什么期待。
我很害怕。
Then the next day, he left me a note under my door that said "whoever you are, you're still my mother. Thank you."
Up to this day, he still addresses me as sister and call my mom by "mama" but deep inside, only we both know the bond we have between each other. He's growing into a wise young man.
I'm still not married. And I've learned to not put other man as priority, except if he's my son.
Edit: thank you for the kind words, people. I'm in my 30's now. Son is in high school. I live with my parents and my son. I'm thankful to have parents who are not typical Muslim ; I've seen my friends being disowned by their family after the same thing happened to them. For my parents to take such risk for the sake of their daughter, that's courageous on their part as well.
Edit 2: seems like everyone is wondering whereabouts of the father. He and I, parted on good terms. He didn't play any active role in our life, but I harbour no bitter feelings towards him. He has made his decision and I respected that. We all have reasons why we act in certain ways. According to Islam, when an unmarried woman give birth, the kid is decided to only have mother. But I don't deny his biological father from seeing him. As I have pointed out in a comment, my son has expressed his wishes to reunite with his dad, although he has not get back to us on that. I am a successful professional despite the bump on the road experience I went through. It makes me who I am today; I learn not to be prejudice of anyone's decision without knowing their history. Suffice to say, indirectly I'm telling my son to get going even when the worst is thrown at you.
我向他大致解释了当时的情况以及事情为什么会这样。我曾希望他能原谅我所做的一切。
第二天,他在我的门下给我留了一张纸条,上面写着“不管你是谁,你仍然是我的母亲。谢谢你。”
直到今天,他仍然称呼我为姐姐,并用“妈妈”称呼我妈妈,但在内心深处,只有我们都知道彼此之间的纽带。他正在成长为一个聪明的年轻人。
我还没有结婚。我已经学会了不要把其他人放在首位,除非他是我的儿子。
编辑:谢谢大家的溢美之词。我现在30多岁了。儿子正在上高中。我和我的父母和儿子住在一起。我很感激父母不是典型的穆斯林;我见过我的朋友在同样的事情发生在他们身上后被他们的家人断绝关系。对于我的父母来说,为了他们的女儿而冒这样的风险,这对他们来说也是勇敢的。
编辑2:似乎每个人都在想知道父亲的下落。他和我友好地分手了。他在我们的生活中没有扮演什么积极的角色,但我对他没有怨恨。他做出了自己的决定,我尊重他的决定。我们都有理由以某种方式行事。根据伊斯兰教,当一个未婚妇女生育时,孩子被决定只有母亲。但我没有阻止他的生父见他。正如我在评论中指出的那样,我儿子表达了他希望与他父亲团聚的愿望,尽管他还没有回复我们。尽管我经历了坎坷,但我是一名成功的专业人士。它造就了今天的我;我学会了在不了解别人的历史之前,不要对他们的决定抱有偏见。我只想说,我是在间接地告诉我儿子,即使你遇到了最糟糕的情况,也要继续前进。