有什么秘密你不能跟任何人说，因为说了可能你这辈子就毁了？
What is your secret that you can''t tell anyone because it will probably ruin your life?
译文简介
你猜我有没有。
正文翻译
What is your secret that you can't tell anyone because it will probably ruin your life?
有什么秘密你不能跟任何人说，因为说了可能你这辈子就毁了？
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
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That I don't really have imposter syndrome, I'm actually a fraud.
我真的不是什么冒名顶替综合征。我就是个骗子。
Dude I'm with you. The very concept of imposter syndrome pre-supposes that you actually do have the qualifications that you fear you don't. I guess "fraud" is really the best way to describe it. I don't know about you, but most people in my life don't understand when I try to explain to them just how poorly suited I am for what I do. They don't want to believe that I'm actually incredibly incompetent.
兄弟我顶你。所谓的冒名顶替综合征，这个概念假设你确实拥有那些必要的条件，只不过你害怕自己没有。我猜可能“诈骗”才是用来形容这种感觉最合适的词。我不知道你是什么情况，但我认识的绝大多数人，在我向他们解释我根本就不适合自己应该做的事情的时候，他们根本就没办法理解我说的话。他们不想相信我其实就是一个烂到难以置信的人。
A fellow developer, I see.
原来，你也写代码。
If you're an intern or junior dev, then you're paid to spend time learning, and maybe produce a bit of net positive output if you're junior. The bar is so low, that you can't really be a fraud, if you can code the most basic things, and learn in the process. And you can do the first part if you passed any technical interview at all.
如果你是个见习的，或者是刚入职的软件开发人员，那么你其实就是在拿钱学习，你刚入职的话或许可能还会有点负产出。因为这行的门槛实在太低了，所以只要你能码最基本的东西，并且能够在过程中学习，那么你就不会是个骗子。并且只要你能通过任何技术上的面试，就意味着你通过了前半句话。
I hid the extent of my alcoholism from everyone since I was 15, I’m now 35 and 8 weeks sober. No one knows I’m sober now as they’ve never known I had an alcohol issue
从15岁以来，我就向所有人隐瞒了我酗酒的程度，我现在35岁，已经戒酒八个礼拜了。现在没人知道我戒酒了，因为他们根本就不知道我之前有酒精成瘾的问题。
This is me! I’m 27 and 95 days sober! No one in my life knows the extent of the drinking I did prior to getting pregnant in March. I plan to stay sober for my son when he is born and never go back to the place of hiding my alcoholism.
这就是我！我今年27岁，已经戒酒95天了！这辈子没有人知道我在3月份怀孕之前，究竟喝酒喝到了什么程度。我打算就算等到儿子生下来也要继续戒下去，我再也不会回到之前那样向别人隐瞒我的酒瘾的生活了。
祝贺我成功戒酒两个月。真的是件大事，并且难以置信！
I was also a high functioning alcoholic. I started at 17. The people who lived with me knew, but my coworkers and friends at the charity where I volunteered had no idea.
我曾经也是个高功能性酒精成瘾者。我是17岁开始喝酒的。那些和我住在一起的人知道，但是和我一起在慈善机构当志愿者的那些同事和朋友们根本就不知道。
在我最终决定戒酒的时候，我从地球上消失了三个月。再也没有联系过任何人。直到回到上述的慈善机构，向所有人解释了我的情况，以及我失踪的原因之后，很多人跟我说我根本就不是个酒鬼，因为他们从来就没见过我喝醉。
我真的下了很大的勇气才做到站在镜子前承认自己在25岁那年失控了。我坐在躺椅上，浑身出汗，死死地攥着扶手，攥到肩胛骨疼——因为我知道，如果我从椅子上站起来，我就要走到酒水店里买酒了。我有好几个星期，都直到半夜两点才能睡觉。我知道，就算我想要安抚我的焦虑情绪，我也不能去买酒。
我知道当你自己的戒酒监督人有多么困难，坚持八个礼拜实在是太牛逼了。
All my passwords are the same word with different combinations of numbers and punctuation marks
我的所有密码字母都是一样的，只不过数字和标点符号的组合不同
I’m 40 and my parents have no idea that I never actually graduated college. I went for almost 6 years and never felt like I really knew what I was doing. School wasn’t necessarily hard for me but I just couldn’t bring myself to focus or be dedicated to it. My parents were SUPER obsessed with the idea that everyone needs a degree to get any decent job, so there was a ton of pressure and dropping out wasn’t an option. Sooo, I “graduated” in a winter semester and “decided not to walk the stage” since the December ceremony was always pretty small and I knew they wouldn’t think that was weird. This happened to be during the recession in the 2000s so I had an excuse for not finding a conventionally professional job right after that. Now, I actually have a really good job with a company that focuses on hiring people based on experience, skill, and personality, so it turns out I didn’t even need that degree. But I will never tell my parents the truth.
我今年40岁，我的父母从来都不知道我其实没有真正大学毕业。我上了将近六年大学，但从来就没觉得自己知道自己在干什么过。学校课程对我来说其实不算太难，但哦我就是没办法让自己集中注意力干这个，或者一心一意去学。我的父母特别相信每个人都应该有学位才能找到体面的工作这件事，所以我背着成吨的压力，辍学根本就没的考虑。所以，我在一个冬季学期“毕业”了，并且“打算不走毕业典礼”，因为冬天的典礼本来就挺小的，我知道他们不会觉得这很怪。
Oh my god dude. I’m in the same boat. I was going to type the same thing and I just wanted to see anyone else has the same secret. I just feel a little relieved that there’s someone else like me.
我的天哪兄弟。我也跟你一样。我本来也想把同样的东西发上去，看看有没有人有和我一样的秘密的。看到真的有人和我一样，我还觉得有点宽慰。
我的职位现在不错，并且我觉得我的这个秘密可能现在抖出来会让所有人失望，所以我永远也不会提。
I caught a guy r#ping a girl yelling for help in a tent at a very loud bush party in my university days.
我上大学的时候，在一个非常吵闹的林地派对里，曾经撞到过一个男的强奸一个女的，女的在大喊救命。
我自己也喝醉了，于是就被怒火冲昏了头脑，在他裤子都挂在脚踝上没提起来的时候把他狠狠地揍了一顿，揍得他昏迷了好几天。
除了指关节有点伤到了之外，我没遇到任何后果，拍拍屁股就走了。帐篷里的那个女孩显然是绝对不会说的。
从那个男的的Facebook上看起来，他现在是两个孩子的爹了，健康又幸福。他不知道我是谁。
但我觉得我可能那天晚上差一点就用穴居人的手段杀了个人。
I just love how all of the stories here are either "on September 3rd at 2:37 am i went to a truck stop and murdered someone in the bathroom" or "my homemade cookies arent homemade"
我只是很喜欢帖子里的这些故事要么属于“9月3号的凌晨2:37分我在一个货车站的卫生间里杀了一个人”，要么属于“我的手工饼干其实不是手工的”
My girl scout cookies are made with real girl scouts.
我的老婆饼是用真老婆做的（译注：意译过头了，对不起）
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I think I’m not as nice as people believe I am. I am just acting according to social norms when in reality everything outside my home makes me feel tired and drained.
我觉得我可能并不像别人以为的那么好。我只不过是在根据社交规范来做事情而已，事实上我家之外的一切都只能让我觉得疲倦而消耗精力。
That actually means you're nice. It probably means you're nicer than the average nice person, really.
其实这意味着你是个好人。说实话，可能这意味着比你普通的好人还要再好一点。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
One of my closest family members offered me sex during one of the most mentally unstable times of his life. I wasn't interested, nothing else happened, and the topic never came up again. One of the main reasons why I haven't brought it up in-family is because his marriage is already unstable and I don't intend to make it worse.
我最亲近的家庭成员之一曾经在他精神最不稳定的时候有一次向我求爱。我不感兴趣，什么都没发生，于是这个话题再也没提起来过。我在家庭里没提起这件事的主要原因之一，在于他的婚姻当时已经很不稳定了，我不打算再推一把。
I have no idea what I’m doing at work.
我不知道我上班都在干啥。
This is what I think is wild. I went from working in a medium-sized group, wearing multiple hats and getting shit done. To working in a giant corporation where if I draft an email reply then send it at the end of the day, everybody claps for me.
我觉得这才是最让我想不通的。我一开始在中等体量的团队工作，同时干着好几个岗位，把实事儿给办了。现在我在一个规模巨大的公司里工作，只要我能起草一封电子邮件的回信，下班之前发出去，所有人都为我鼓掌。
并且我挣得比之前干实事儿的时候还多。简直太疯狂了。
现在我已经习惯了，但是我还是不明白，我几个小时就能做完的事儿，别人要花好几个星期。并且他们那种才算正常。
You better not be a structural engineer
你最好别是个架构工程师
He’s actually a pilot
他其实是个飞行员
The amount of time I spend clicking my mouse on my empty desktop and writing gibberish into a word doc (that I dexe at the end of the day), is shocking.
我在空白的桌面上点鼠标，以及往Word文档里写一堆垃圾（下班的时候再删掉）等事情上花的时间简直吓人。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I take typing tests when I'm in the office to make it seem like I'm doing something productive.
我在办公室的时候就开始打字测试，让我看起来在做正事儿。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
有人路过的时候我就Alt+Tab切屏，从Reddit上切出去。预订一个会议室看YouTube视频或者打个盹。根本没有上限。
I stopped working at work 1 year back. I have no idea what the fuck they want from me because I watch 12 hours of shows on my laptop and work for 30 minutes a day by attending a team huddle and staying on mute.
我一年前就不在上班的时候工作了。我根本就不知道他们让我干什么，因为我在笔记本上看12个小时的视频，然后工作30分钟，内容是参加一个团队会议，然后我把会议静音。
3-4 years ago I was responsible for providing a few reports to different teams. Each month I'd generate the reports, format it in a presentable way for the team managers I was sending them to, and send them over. Nobody ever said anything about them, never a question about the data or even a reply to my email. So one month I just decided I wasn't going to send them, and then it turned into two months and three months. Nobody ever said a word about it so I just stopped doing it. Got promoted the following year.
三四年前我负责给不同的团队提交一些报告。每个月我都会生成这些报告，编辑成可以展示给团队的经理们看的格式，然后发过去。根本没有人说过这些报告的事儿，从来没有人给我的电子邮件发过回复，或者问过数据。所以有一个月我决定再也不发了，然后一个月变成两个月，又变成了三个月。根本没有任何人说过这件事，所以我就再也不干了。第二年我升职了。
Honestly best advice when you start a job like that is to stop sending reports and upxes, then see who notices.
说实话，如果你刚开始从事这种岗位的话，那我能给你最好的建议就是先停止发送这些报告和更新，然后看看谁会发现。
太多的报告只是因为某一个经理某一次没有受到某条信息，然后尴尬了才提出的要求。
别再发了，看看什么事重要，谁得一直伺候着，然后把精力放在真正有用的事情上。
Is this place hiring?
你们这儿还招人吗？
I worked in an office with over 100 people and they started to have us track the most insignificant things that we did. It took as much time to track the action as to do the action, and the reality was that the action meant nothing but the new boss wanted it. After the first month I just changed the date on the top and sent the exact same thing in for the next two years.
我曾经在一个有一百多个人的办公室里工作过，他们开始让我们追踪我们做过的那些最不重要的事情。我追踪这些事情和做这些事情都要花同样的时间，事实上就是这些事情根本就没有任何意义，只是新老板想要罢了。过了第一个月之后，我干脆把日期改一下，然后在接下来的两年里都发同样的东西。
13年前我离职了，那个统计学魔怔人经理是14年前离职的，我在想他们是不是还在这么做？
Five years before my stepdad died of Alzheimers and Leukemia, I noticed he was very quiet in the evenings when I visited him and my mom. I asked him "Why don't you want to talk a bit more?", to which he responded "If I don't say anything I can't say anything wrong."
我的继父因为阿尔兹海默症和白血病而去世的五年前，我去看他和我妈妈的时候，发现他特别安静。我问他“你怎么不多说两句？”，他回答说，“我只要不说话，就不会说错话了。”
我以为他是害怕与我妈争执，所以我跟他说他说什么我都愿意听。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
在他去世之后我才明白为什么他这么说。我有一次和他们吃午饭，他想问我什么事，但是他用的动词完全不对，说的都是不着边际的话，每次他来这么一出的时候我妈妈都会开始大笑，说“哈哈哈，你说的都是些什么怪话！”
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
她不知道自己的话有多居高临下，因为她不知道他当时已经是痴呆晚期了（我们当时没人知道），她只不过是以为他犯下的错都是些小错而已。她也不知道这让他特别难受，以至于他再也不说话了，因为他无法相信自己的语言能力，也无法相信自己的平衡感。
我永远都不会把这件事告诉我妈妈，就算我非常愤怒也不会。这样的话我会给我和妈妈的关系造成无法挽回的伤害，她非常悼念我继父。
编辑：对那些在这个帖子底下侮辱我的母亲的无情的人，我要说她一直陪着我的继父到了最后，在疗养院他的房间里陪着他坐着，有时他会在恐惧中嘶吼半个小时，因为他知道了自己不断恶化的病情。那些日子本有可能彻底把她给毁了。她经历过的痛苦比我认识的任何一个人都多，她年轻的时候还亲眼看着自己的父亲死于癌症，所以你根本不知道她做出了多大的牺牲。
It’s not even about intention. My brain just doesn’t work that way. When people whom I’ve only met once remember my name, I’m genuinely floored.
这甚至都不是意图的关系。我的脑子就压根不是那么长的。那些只跟我见过一次面却能记住我名字的人，我是真的觉得他们牛逼。
While addicted to meth, I accidentally got caught up working for a Nazi gang in my hometown. They were just having me smurf and collect money for them, but by the time I realized what they were all about, they weren't about to let me just stop working. So I kept doing it until I was able to leave my hometown and make it out to tampa.
我以前溜冰的时候，在我的家乡曾经因为给纳粹组织打工而被逮捕过。他们当时只是让我洗钱，收保护费，但等到我发现他们真正在干什么的时候，他们就不会让我走了。所以我只能接着干，直到我可以离开自己家，跑到坦帕市。
我当时干过的事可以让我蹲20年的监狱。我的家人几乎都以为我当时只是过着普通的混混日子。但他们根本就不知道，在那种毒贩猖獗的镇子里，你有多容易和大毒枭搭上线。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I fall asleep every night in horror because my former best friend and I haven’t talked in 3 years because for her 21st birthday we both got massively blackout drunk and smoked I have no idea what happened that night. But she’s never answered a message I’ve sent since.
每天晚上我都只能在恐惧中入睡，因为我和我最好的朋友已经有三年没说过话了。在她21岁生日的那天，我们两个都又喝又抽以至于断片了，我根本就不知道那天晚上发生了什么。但是此后我发给她的消息她一条都没回过我。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
·This kind of thing is what made me stop binge drinking years ago.
我就是因为这种事情，几年前再也不喝大酒了。
第二天早上（或者下午）你醒过来，然后有人对你说的第一件事就是，“你对昨晚的事儿到底还记得多少？”
你立刻就知道他无论说什么，反正绝对不是好事儿。
我听的一个喜剧演员最近说过，反正肯定不是“好消息，你昨晚喝断片之后赚了五千块钱！”
I have no real friends. My social media just makes it look like i do. I'm embarrassed and cover for certain things as I don't go out.
我没有真正的朋友。我的社交媒体只不过是假装我有朋友而已。我觉得很尴尬，得掩饰一些事情，因为我不出门。
I haven''t asked my long term partner to marry me because I don''t know who I would invite to the wedding. Her side would be full. Mine would just be close family.
我没有向长期的伴侣求婚，就是因为我不知道婚礼上我应该请谁过来。她那边肯定满了。我这边只有家人。
I am a first generation American with families in Ireland and Australia. Loner type and I was in the same boat. Hubby had tons of friends and fam. I invited a few coworkers I liked and my two friends were in my bridal party with my sister.
我是个第一代美国移民，家人都在爱尔兰和澳大利亚。都是独批，我也一样。但老公有一堆朋友和家人。我只邀请了几个我喜欢的同事，我的两个朋友和我姐姐。
我们的解决方案就是排座的时候没有“X方亲属”。我们一共100个人，我只有四个家人，两个朋友和八个同事，所以一共是14个人，他那边86个。我们找了个能塞得下这么多人的场地，然后就没管。结婚典礼已经和过去的完全不一样了。没有必要非得按照标准的流程来。
You're worried about not having enough friends, and that's stopping you from marrying your best one? If you're ready for the step then I say ask her, dude. She won't care that there aren't 20+ extra guests to pay for.
你因为担心朋友不够多而不娶你最爱的那个人？如果你已经准备好这一步了，那我觉得就求婚吧，哥们。她是不会在乎少了二十多张嘴的。
I play most video games on easy mode. Then brag about how I’m so good to my wife who doesn’t know about games.
我打游戏只打简单模式。然后跟我不懂游戏的老婆吹自己有多牛逼。
My husband plays sandbox style in games that are absolutely not designed to do that. The amount of time he's spent not going on missions but instead petting horses and admiring art is hilarious.
我老公在那些根本就不是沙盒游戏的游戏里玩沙盒。他在不做任务去养马看艺术品上花的时间多的可笑。
No cuz my bf allways makes sure that i know that he plays his games on very hard mode even if i dont know the difference, i make sure he knows i am very impressed
我男朋友永远会让我知道他玩的是极难模式，哪怕我根本不知道区别，我也会让他知道我觉得他很牛逼。
My childhood friend has 2 siblings that he doesn’t know exist…..they’re twins, around 2 years old now. I promised to keep it a secret, my dad and his dad are close friends. My dad is quite the gossip, and spilled every last detail to me. Apparently their father (handsome, tall, a sports prodigy) slept with a doctor who lied about being on birth control so that she could give birth to his children, who she claimed had “superior genetics”. She was his former doctor who pulled up his private records in order to score a date with him as she had all his contact info at hand. Never wanted child support or even a father in her kid’s lives, just an involuntary Sperm donor. Very weird.
我发小有两个兄弟，他根本不知道这两个人的存在……他们是双胞胎，今年差不多两岁了。我保证严守这个秘密，我爸和他爸是好朋友。我爸这人嘴特别碎，啥事都跟我讲。显然是他爸爸（又高又帅，运动天才）和一个大夫睡了，而大夫骗他自己避孕了，于是她生了他的孩子，因为她说他爸爸“有优越的基因”。她曾经给他看过病，查了他的私人病例，因为手里有所有的联系方式，所以撩上了。但她也从来没要过抚养费，甚至没给孩子找过爸爸，他就这就么当了个非自愿捐精者。很诡异。
Once after a hookup a chick asked me if I would donate my sperm because I'm handsome and she want to be a single mother and I wouldn't be legally bounded or anything. I just laughed, made an excuse to leave, grabbed my condom from the trash and left.
有次嫖完，妞问我愿不愿意捐精，我很帅，她想当单亲妈妈，我也不会有法律责任什么的。我笑了，找了个借口出去一趟，从垃圾箱里把用过的避孕套拿出来走了。
I won the lotto. Haven't told anyone or changed my lifestyle. I'm still going to finish my degree in data science, so I can say my money is from a new job.
我中彩票了。没告诉任何人，也没改变我的生活方式。我仍然打算读完数据科学学位，这样我就可以说钱是新工作挣的了。
编辑：谢谢你们的祝福！回答一些问题。
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总额刚超过八位数。
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10美元随便挑的。
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为什么学数科的要买彩票？我还没干这一行呢，但只不过是偶尔想玩一玩。没错，我知道概率很低。但那0.000000024%的概率说不定就是你呢哈哈。
“That Data Science job must pay super good for our son. He just got his first check and purchased a $30 million dollar home in cash.”
“那份数据科学的工作肯定给咱儿子开了不少。他刚领第一个工资，就全款买了栋三千万美元的房子。”
Fuck you and congrats !!
操你妈的，祝贺！！！
I contemplate suicide daily, but my wife and daughter keep me going strong
我每天都在考虑自杀，但是我老婆和女儿在让我坚持。
After fleeing domestic violence and trying to make a new life, I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, I'm fighting it but I'm just so tired of life. My last baby turns 18 this week and I feel like I've done all I'm supposed to. I'm sick of being strong for everyone else when all I want to do is go, I'm just so damn tired
在逃离了家庭暴力，尝试过上新生活之后，我确诊了乳腺癌晚期，我还在努力斗争，但我实在是太累了。我的小孩子这星期已经18岁了，我觉得我该干的已经全都干完了。我实在不想为了别人再坚强下去了，我只想走，我太他妈累了。
My 54 year old secret would ruin several lives. My childhood best friend’s little brother is actually my son, and his children are my grandchildren.
我这个瞒了54年的秘密可能会毁掉不止一个人的人生。我发小的小弟弟其实是我儿子，并且他的孩子其实是我的孙子。
Dude fucked his friend’s mom
哥们把他朋友的妈给草了
My interactions with people is almost 90% scxted just to fit in certain situations. I just picked up habits and routines of the people around me that I've noticed that worked to be successful in human interaction. I don't care about anything and barely about anyone else. I enjoy company, but I don't need it. I do have friends and family around me but I don't have a need for them in particular. Might be an undiagnosed Psycho or something but I do feel certain feelings.
我和别人之间的交流几乎有90%都是为了适合某些场景而自动执行的。我只是学会了周围那些人际交往过程中比较成功的人的习惯。我自己根本就什么也不在乎，也不在乎其他任何人。我喜欢陪伴，但我不需要。我有朋友和家人陪着我，但我也不特别需要他们。可能我就是个没确诊的精神病之类的吧，但我确实有些感觉。
如果我表现出自己自然的样子的话，我可能找不到好的工作，也不会有好朋友。可能干脆就要被家庭赶出去了吧。
I once jacked off to a picture of George W Bush’s bulge when I was like 12
我差不多12岁的时候曾经对着小布什总统的裤裆的照片撸过一发
Jesus. That's dark.
我草。这有点黑暗了。
Somehow this is the worst one I’ve read so far
某种意义上这是我读过的最糟糕的一条。
I didn't stop doing martial arts because I was annoyed that they took in a kids group and we were expected to help coach them while still paying for our own classes.
我不学武术了，不是因为他们开了个儿童班，我们得一边花钱上我们自己的课一边还得教他们。
我不学了是因为跟别的男人打架的时候我硬得跟烙铁一样，我不想在这种情况下和孩子们互动。
然后我才意识到，他们只是觉得自己是在打架，而我跟别的男人打架是在满足自己的性欲，这件事究竟有他妈多离谱。
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所以打架这件事本身变得让我羞耻，让我恶心。我就不打了。
Scariest mother fucker to fight is the one with a boner
干仗的时候最吓人的就是那个顶着帐篷的
I sometimes have the strong urge to run away from my life, and start over. It may not ruin it but won’t be good
我有时候有种特别强烈的欲望，想逃离我的生活，重新开始。或许不会毁掉一切，但肯定也不会好到哪去。
I've had the same idea for years. I've planned out details for years in my head like where I would go, how I would fake my death, how to get away with it, ect. lol it's fun to think about but idk if I would ever act on it.
我也这么想过好几年。我甚至在脑子里计划了好几年细节，比如我要去哪，怎么假冒我的死亡，怎么习惯这件事，想一想还是挺有意思的，但我不知道我会不会行动起来。
I'm a nurse. I take care of people for a living. IRL, I can't even take care of myself.
我是个护士。我靠照顾别人挣钱。实际上，我连自己都照顾不明白。
我的房子其实都要塌了，因为我严重抑郁，我只能放着那些小事不管让它们变成大事。我唯一的希望就是这个房子赶紧塌了之类的。
我试过15次自杀。现在我好点了，我已经有好几年没这么想过了，但我很确定护理委员会肯定不会喜欢这么多自杀未遂。
我破产了。我挣得不少，但当护士之前我过着远低于贫困线水平的生活。现在我的债务仍然能埋到眉毛。
我希望我前任能遭报应。我喜欢现在的生活，但他曾经把我的生活毁过很长一段时间。他伤害我和我的家人的方式给我留下了永久的创伤。
我在工作岗位上很有趣也很外向，我的病人们都喜欢我，但我宁愿在家里安静地坐着。
所以，没什么特别疯狂的，但可能足够让我挣不到钱，从而毁掉我的生活。
At Christmas, my family LOVES my homemade eggnog. It's just high-end store bought eggnog and I put in 1-2 tiny pieces of eggshell to make it look like they were "missed" when I "strained" the eggnog.
每年圣诞节，家里人都特别喜欢我的自制蛋奶酒。其实只不过是高端店里买的，我往里放一两片特别小的蛋壳，让它看起来像是我“做”蛋奶酒的时候“不小心”混进去的。
The fucking eggshell is psycho/genius. I love it hahahaha
他妈的蛋壳简直聪明疯了。我太喜欢了哈哈哈哈
I hope the company that makes "your" eggnog stays in business until its your time to go or you are going to have to come up with a reeeeal good cover story.
我希望那个做“你家”蛋奶酒的公司能一直开到你离开那天，要不然你就得想一个特——别好的故事来瞒过去了。
You know they just don't make cinnamon like they used to. What are you gonna do?
“他们早不像以前那样做桂皮了你知道吧。你说咋整？”
在解释我的烹饪能力极度不稳定这方面，我训练有素。
Those cookies I bought to the company picnic were store bought from a small bakery in town. Then I put them in my Tupperware. See you in hell.
我带到公司野餐会的手工曲奇其实是从镇子上的小曲奇店里买的。然后我放进保鲜盒里。地狱见。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I left my job at an electronics manufacturing company in 2002, but they continued paying me my full salary, including all incremental raises and annual bonus until they offered me a very generous redundancy package in 2022 due to 'departmental restructuring', including an £85,000 lump sum contribution to my pension fund. I even got the quarterly magazine and annual Christmas card sent to me.
2002年我从一家电子厂离职了，但他们仍然在付给我全款的薪水，包括所有的提薪和年终奖，直到2022年因为“部门重组”他们给我发了一份非常慷慨的离职补偿，包括给我的退休金里加上85000英镑的一次性补贴。我甚至还能收到他们的季度杂志和圣诞贺卡。
今年（2023年）三月，我还受到邀请参加他们的75周年纪念典礼，我就去了，在免费酒吧好好享受了一番，没人发现我已经二十多年没工作过了。
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