QA问答：我17岁懒惰的儿子拒绝打扫房间和做家务，我要他打扫卫生或者倒垃圾时，他向我要钱。这正常吗？我该怎么办？
My lazy 17-year-old son refuses to clean his room or do house chores, and when asked to clean after himself or take out the garbage, he wants to charge me money. Is this normal? What should I do?
译文简介
付钱给他。给他5美元让他倒垃圾。给他2美元或3美元做其他家务。告诉他一定要存钱，因为下周就要交房租了。向他收取租金，这比你给他做家务的钱还要多。当他没有足够的钱支付时，建议他去找份工作。
正文翻译
My lazy 17-year-old son refuses to clean his room or do house chores, and when asked to clean after himself or take out the garbage, he wants to charge me money. Is this normal? What should I do?
我17岁懒惰的儿子拒绝打扫房间和做家务，我要他打扫卫生或者倒垃圾时，他向我要钱。这正常吗？我该怎么办？
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Pay him. Pay him $5 for taking out the trash. Pay him $2 or $3 for other household chores. Be sure to tell him to save his money because next week rent will be due. Charge him rent that is more than all the money you gave him for the chores he did. When he doesn’t have enough money to pay, suggest he get a job.
付钱给他。给他5美元让他倒垃圾。给他2美元或3美元做其他家务。告诉他一定要存钱，因为下周就要交房租了。向他收取租金，这比你给他做家务的钱还要多。当他没有足够的钱支付时，建议他去找份工作。
Tell him okay. You want me to pay you to clean up your own mess, or with regular household duties? I’ll call a local hotel and ask how much they pay their housekeepers per hour. I will pay you the same rate for assigned chores. I will then inspect your room just like their manager does.
However, YOU now have to pay me for your phone and it’s monthly bill, car rental and insurance, chef and dishwasher duties, laundry service, etc. When you turn 18, you will also have to pay room rent. If you choose to move out at that time, you will be allowed to take your clothes. Everything else belongs to me. If you want to keep anything, like your phone or laptop, you will need to buy it from me. Enjoy!
告诉他可以。你想让我付钱给你让你收拾你自己的烂摊子，还有定期做家务？我会打电话给当地的一家酒店，询问他们每小时付给房间清洁工多少钱？我会支付给你相同的家务费,然后我会像他们的经理一样检查你的房间。
然后，你现在必须向我支付你的电话费，包括每月账单、汽车租赁费和保险费、厨师和洗碗费、洗衣服务费等。当你年满18岁时，你还必须支付房租。如果你选择在那个时候搬出去，你可以带衣服。其他一切都属于我。如果你想保留任何东西，比如你的手机或笔记本电脑，你需要从我这里购买。过得愉快！
He was not required to do chores as a child so why do them now. He can charge you and you can pay up. Is it worth is? You can also present him with a bill at meal time—pay before eating. You can charge him for laundry—pay before doing. You can charge him for a bedroom door, too. He is 17. When he is required to fend for himself next year, he is in for a shock. No one will be there to pick up after him and the money will not come that easily. Start warning him now of how things will be at age 18.
他小时候不需要做家务，为什么现在要做家务呢。他可以向你收费，你可以付。值得吗？你也可以在吃饭前向他出示账单。你也可以在洗衣前向他收取洗衣费。你也可以向他收取卧卧室进门费。他17岁。当他明年被要求自食其力时，他会感到震惊。没有人会再追着他收拾东西，钱也不会那么容易来。现在就开始警告他18岁时的情况。
Charge him for the food he eats. The water he uses for showers. The electricity he uses. Everything you spend money on for him including insurance policies.
There was a song many years ago about a little boy who tried to charge his mother money for little chores he did and she wrote down all she did for him including carrying him for 9 months, taking care of him all those years and said “no charge.” I think that was the name of the song. “No charge”
对他吃的食物收费。对他用来洗澡的水收费。他用的电，你为他花钱的一切，包括保险单都要收费。
很多年前有一首歌，讲的是一个小男孩试图向母亲收取他做家务的钱，她写下了为他做的一切，包括怀着他9个月，照顾他这么多年，并说：“不收费”。我想这就是这首歌的名字。“不收费”
I asked my 7 & 8 years old to clean their room all the time. Without money. If they refuse, I won’t let them do any activity until they do it. Definitely I let them know I’m the one who in charge in the house. It takes time for them to able to do it. The younger they practice that, the better result. We were fighting in the beginning, but I never let them be the king in the house. After couple month, they can help clean the house and chores without fight. Don’t give up!
我一直让我7岁和8岁的孩子打扫房间。不给钱。如果他们拒绝，我会不允许他们进行任何娱乐，直到他们完成了家务。我要他们知道，我才是家里的负责人。他们需要一点时间才能明白这一点。他们越小的时候开始练习这些，结果越好。我们一开始会进行战斗，但我从未让他们成为家里的国王。只要战斗两个月，他们就可以帮助打扫房子和做家务，不再需要战斗了。不要放弃！
Start with laundry. Show him how to do it if he does not know, then tell him he is responsible for his own laundry. This is a self-punishing task - if he doesn’t do it, he has no clean clothes.
Once he’s doing his laundry, assign another chore, and specify consequences if it does not get done.
从洗衣开始。如果他不知道该怎么做，你就示范给他看，然后告诉他自己负责洗衣服。这是一项自我惩罚的任务：如果他不做，他就没有干净的衣服。
一旦他洗完衣服，就安排另一项家务，并说明如果没有完成的后果。
It's typical. They think they should be paid for doing things they don't want. Here's your solution: run a tab for a month. Tell him you will pay him at the end of the month then make a price list for chores. Then tell him you will also run a tab of all the things YOU do for him in a month. Charge him for every meal, every load of laundry, every time you pick up something of his, and part of the living expenses. After a month, when he sees how much MORE he owes you for the daily work you do for him than you owe him for taking out the trash or clearing the table, he should change his mind. Many teenagers have tried this tactic. Once they see a dollar value attached to all the work the parents do forthem, they tend to get a better perspective on things.
很典型。他们认为做他们不想做的事情应该得到报酬。以下是您的解决方案：做一个为期一个月的账单。告诉他你会在月底付给他钱，然后列出一份杂活的价目表。然后告诉他，你还将列出一个月内你为他做的所有事情。每顿饭，每一件衣服，每次你替他收拾的一切，以及部分生活费，都要向他收费。一个月后，当他看到你为他做的日常工作要收取的费用，比他倒垃圾、清理桌子的钱还多，他会改变主意。许多青少年都尝过这种策略。一旦他们看到父母为他们做的所有工作都有价值，他们往往会对事情有更好的看法。
Household chores are a normal part of being a member of a family and living in a household, and it is important for children to learn responsibility and contribute to the running of the household.
There are a few things you can do to address this issue:
家庭琐事是作为家庭成员，生活在家庭中的一个正常部分，对孩子来说，学习责任感，并为家庭经营做出贡献是很重要的。
你可以做一些事情来解决这个问题：
Make a chore schedule: Consider creating a chore schedule that assigns specific tasks to your son on certain days of the week. This can help to make the expectations more concrete and give him a sense of responsibility.
Use positive reinforcement: When your son does complete his chores, make sure to praise him and reinforce his positive behavior. This can help to encourage him to continue doing his chores without needing to be asked.
1、设定明确的期望和后果：列出你儿子负责的家务清单，并将这些期望传达给他。让他知道，如果他不完成家务，会有后果，比如失去某些特权或津贴。
2、制定家务事时间表：考虑创建一个家务事时间表，在一周中的某些日子为你儿子分配特定任务。这有助于使期望更加具体，并给他一种责任感。
3、使用积极的强化：当你的儿子完成家务时，一定要表扬他，并强化他的积极行为。这有助于鼓励他继续做家务，而不必你一再要求。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Seek professional help: If you have tried the above strategies and are still having difficulty getting your son to do his chores, it may be helpful to seek the assistance of a therapist or counselor. They can help you to explore any underlying issues and develop strategies to address the problem
4、考虑潜在的问题：了解你儿子为什么不愿意做家务可能会有帮助。他是否感到不知所措或有压力？他是否有其他责任或承诺，占用了他的大量时间？了解他抗拒的根本原因可以帮助你更有效地解决这个问题。
5、寻求专业帮助：如果你已经尝试了上述策略，但仍然难以让儿子做家务，那么寻求治疗师或咨询师的帮助可能会有所帮助。他们可以帮助您探索任何潜在问题，并制定解决问题的策略
Stop doing things for him. Don’t clean is room or do his laundry. Don’t cook for him. Tell him that since he is unwilling to contribute to the running of the household, which everybody else does, then he can take care of himself, and that when he decides to help around the house, you will return to doing things for him that you normally used to do. My son’s room occasionally got into such a mess that he was overwhelmed and didn’t know where to begin or what to do. I would have to bring in a chair and a trash bin and his dirty clothes bin and sit there, directing him on what to do next. He was a highly intelligent teen with ADD but a big mess just overwhelmed him. My sitting there helping him taught him how to deal with his mess, and what to do to keep it from getting that way, and eventually he learned to deal with it himself.
别再为他做事了。不要打扫房间或洗衣服。不要给他做饭。告诉他，既然他不愿意像其他人一样为家里的管理做出贡献，那么他就要自己照顾好自己，当他决定在家里帮忙时，你会重新为他做你通常会做的事情。我儿子的房间偶尔会变得一团糟，他不知所措，不知道从哪里开始，也不知道该做什么。我必须带上一把椅子、一个垃圾箱和他的脏衣服箱，坐在那里，指导他下一步该做什么。他是一个患有ADD（注意缺陷多动障碍综合症）的高智商青少年，一场大混乱会让他不知所措。我坐在那里帮助他，教会了他如何处理自己的混乱，以及如何避免这种混乱，最终他学会了自己处理。
Tell him you will not do his laundry and show him how to use the washer and dryer. Tell him you will no longer be cooking him meals since she does not want to help with that. I assume he knows where the refrigerator and pantry is, show him how to cook. As a child my mother was not always in the home because of mental issues. Us kids learned very young how to cook, wash dishes, do laundry, iron and even sew. I did the same with my kids. They always were responsible for a reasonably tidy room. They helped with the laundry, cooking and dishwashing. It is called preparing them for life on their own as an adult. You have not done a very good job of it, but it is not too late. You need to have a heart to heart with junior and let him know he needs to learn these skills because any time after he turns 18 and is considered an adult he can be asked to leave. If he has that much time on his hands a part time job would not hurt either.
告诉他你不会洗他的衣服，并告诉他如何使用洗衣机和烘干机。告诉他你不会再给他做饭了，因为他不想帮你。我想他知道冰箱和餐具在哪里，教他怎么做饭。作为一个孩子，我的母亲因为精神问题总是呆在家里。我们这些孩子很小就学会了做饭、洗碗、洗衣、熨烫甚至缝纫。我对我的孩子也是这样。他们要负责保持房间整洁。他们帮忙洗衣服、做饭和洗碗。这被称为让他们做好成年后独自生活的准备。你做得不是很好，但现在还不晚。你需要和孩子谈心，让他知道他需要学习这些技能，因为在他年满18岁并被视为成年人后，你任何时候都可以要求他离开。如果他手头有很多时间，兼职工作也不会有什么坏处。
No, this is not normal. A messy bedroom sure, that’s normal, and as long as there is nothing rotting in there I’d leave him alone about it. However chores are something he should have been doing since he was a small child. He has not been raised to participate in the running of his home thus far and he has become a lazy entitled disrespectful brat. He is 17. He should be cleaning up after himself and doing house chores. He should also have a job and be saving. My kids worked throughout High school and college. You need to seek professional help before it is too late. Go to a family therapist who works specifically with teens and their parents.
不，这不正常。一间乱糟糟的卧室，这很正常，只要里面没有腐烂的东西，我就让他一个人住着。然而，家务活是他从小就应该做的。到目前为止，他还没有成长到参加自己家的管理，他已经成了一个懒惰的不懂尊重的孩子。他17岁了。他应该自己打扫卫生，做家务。他也应该有一份工作，并且开始存钱。我的孩子们在高中和大学期间都在工作。你需要在为时已晚之前寻求专业帮助。去找一位专门为青少年及其父母服务的家庭治疗师。
No it's not normal!!! But this situation is the consequenses off your parenting!! If you have nursed this boy up to this point in his life, then off course it's a new situation!!! You forgot to teach him to take responsibility and that in families it's the most natural thing to contribute with household chores, to help each other out!!! You forgot to teach him to be considerate towards his family members, it schould not at all been an issue, but an off course thing!!!
You stop this nursing!!! Your job as a parent is to prepare him for adult life, prepare him to be a good and caring partner in his furture relations, his furture marriage partner!!! Can you imagine a woman who wants to be your sons life partner with the skills you didnt Teach him???
不，这不正常！！！但这种情况是你没教育好孩子的后果！！如果你在这个男孩的一生中一直照顾他到现在，那么这当然是一个新的情况！！！你忘了教他承担责任，在家庭中，分担家务，互相帮助是最自然的事情！！！你忘了教他体谅家人，这根本就是一件无需争论的事，事情已经偏离了轨道！！！
你要停止继续这么照顾他！！！作为父母，你的工作是让他为成年生活做好准备，让他在未来的关系中成为一个好的、体贴的未来婚姻伴侣！！！你能想象一个女人和你的儿子一样什么生活技能都没有，却成为了你儿子的生活伴侣吗？？？
No money schould be involved with doing house work, cus he is a part off a family who helps each other out!!! I can't point that out enough!!! Leave his room as it is, leave everything at is. I know it's annoying, but it's an important lessons you need to teach him. It will pass soon when he realizes you are not his private servant!!! Do this annoying work for your sake, for him and for his furture relations!!!
你不要再为他打扫卫生，不要再为他洗衣服，不要再为他准备饭菜，不要再为他买他喜欢的东西。他应该要对自己的日常生活负责。他不是婴儿了！！！
做家务不需要钱，因为他是一个互相帮助的家庭的一部分！！！我说再多也没用，需要你自己去执行！！！离开他的房间，把一切都留在原地。我知道这很烦人，但这是你需要教给他的重要的一课。当他意识到你不是他的私人仆人时，事情很快就会过去！！！为了你，为了他，为了他的未来的伴侣，去做这件烦人的工作！！
No, it is not “normal”, but depends on what your family's “rules” are. Tell him to go get a job. Some families assign chores and then give a monthly allowance to their children when they do a good job with their chores. Other families assign chores and it's considered their job as part of the household maintenance.
不，这不是“正常”的，而是取决于你家庭的“规则”是什么。告诉他去找份工作。有些家庭分配家务活，然后在孩子做好家务活后每月给孩子一笔津贴。其他家庭分配家务，这被视为家庭维护的一部分。
Don’t do ANYTHING. Do not feed him. Do not do his laundry. Do not change his sheets. Do not take him anywhere in your car. Do not loan him your car. Do not give him a credit card. Do not give him money. If he complains tell him he can always leave. AND MEAN IT.
不要做任何事。不要给他做饭。不要给他洗衣服。不要给他换床单。不要把用你的车载他去任何地方。不要把你的车借给他。不要给他信用卡。不要给他钱。如果他抱怨，告诉他他随时可以离开。并且是认真的。一定要说到做到！
No, it’s not normal and you should sit him down and explain economics to him. Show him how a household functions and how much money it costs to run the household. Show him exactly how much each household bill is and how that expenditure benefits him. He needs to know how he fits into the big picture before he will understand the reason for his contribution to the household, whether it be taking out the trash or whatever. Everybody needs to pitch in to make a household work right.
不，这不正常，你应该让他坐下，向他解释经济学。向他展示一个家庭是如何运作的，以及经营这个家庭需要多少钱。向他展示每个家庭账单的确切金额，以及这些支出对他有何好处。他需要知道自己是如何融入大局的，然后才能理解他需要为家庭做出贡献的原因，无论是倒垃圾还是其他什么。每个人都需要参与进来，使家庭正常运转。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Sounds like he doesn’t understand the value of family. Life is about give and take. If someone is doing all the taking then others feel taken advantage of. Never fear however, there is still time to teach! Have a family meeting. Explain to him everyone in the family is a team member. Everyone has certain valuable things they bring to the team. Paying bills, house maintenance, but everyone is responsible for their own space.
听起来他不明白家庭的价值。生活就是给予和索取。如果有人在做所有的事情，那么其他人就占了便宜。不过，不要害怕，你还有时间教育他！开个家庭会议。向他解释，家里的每个人都是团队成员。每个人都会为团队带来一些有价值的东西。支付账单，房屋维护，但每个人都要对自己生活的空间负责。
Now the hard part. If he still doesn’t do it take boxes and garbage bags. Pick up anything that is out of place and put it in the box or bag. Put them in the attic or take to your parents house. Tell him he can have them back when he adheres to the family rules and participates in being an active member of the family by doing his chores. Good luck!
如果家庭会议没有解决这个问题，为了他和家人的安全，请告诉他，他有一个星期的时间打扫房间，否则你会在他去上学的时候做点别的事情。
现在是最困难的部分。如果他仍然不收拾，你就拿出盒子和垃圾袋，把没有放在合适位置上的东西都放到盒子和袋子里。把它们放在阁楼上或带到你父母家。告诉他，当他遵守家庭规则，并通过做家务参与成为家庭的积极成员时，他可以收回这些东西。祝你好运！
I am 17, and what I think you should do is pay him for extra chores that don't directly affect him. For certain things like dishes or for taking out the trash, maybe give him a little something. But for doing laundry or cleaning a room you shouldn't have to pay him because that is his own hygiene. I would not expect my parents to pay me for brushing my teeth. I have a job at a retail and I earn $11 an hour, so if you pay him two or three dollars for the stuff that he does and encourage him to get a job as well as support him, then you won't need to pay him. My parents would do $5 every week with $1.50 (from the $5) in a separate saving that was out of reach. But as a 17-year-old he should get a real job instead of trying to get one or two dollars off of his parents
我17岁了，我认为你应该做的是支付他额外的家务费用，就是那些不会直接影响到他的家务。对于某些事情，比如洗碗或倒垃圾，也许可以给他一些。但洗衣服或打扫房间，你不必付钱给他，因为这是他自己的卫生。我不会指望我的父母为我刷牙付钱。我在一家零售店工作，每小时挣11美元，所以如果你为他做的事情付给他两三美元，那么鼓励他找到工作并支持他，你就不需要付给他钱了。我的父母每周付给我5美元，但是要从中间扣除1.5美元存起来。但作为一个17岁的孩子，他应该找到一份真正的工作，而不是试图从父母那里得到一或两美元。
An allowance will provide some incentive. Not for each thing but a weekly payment when all chores are done with no lip. He fails to do the chores he doesn’t get paid. I’d absolutely not put up with the not cleaning up after himself. This isn’t acceptable at all. You are not his maid. I’ll just say mine got $20/week for household chores and cleaning up after themselves and keeping their rooms at least presentable was not part of it. Nor was their laundry. They both started doing their own in the 5th grade. They didn’t do it they had nothing clean to wear. Pretty simple.
给他津贴将会提供一种激励。不是为了每件事提供津贴，而是在所有家务都没有失误的情况下每周支付一次。他做失败了，就不能得到钱。我绝对不会容忍自己不打扫卫生。这根本不可接受。你不是他的女仆。我给周会给他们20美元用于家庭琐事和打扫卫生，保持他们自己房间的整洁，这不是可以付费的部分，让他们自己洗衣服也不是。他们都在五年级开始做自己的事。他们没有做，就没有干净的衣服穿。很简单。
My children were paid for chores from an early age. They were able to learn to save and budget that way. Clothing, medical, room and board were free(my responsibility) but beyond that if they wanted something they had to earn it (or if they wanted expensive clothing). They also understood that a reasonably clean room was their responsibility as was doing their school work. Sounds like you are way behind on parenting him. I hope you can correct this. At the very least you can simply take away all but the bear essentials you provide That includes discontinuing any cell phone you pay for, any vehicle you might allow him to use, television and computer access(except for school work), I think you have very little time left to get him on the path to success. Good Luck
我的孩子从很小的时候就得到了做家务的报酬。这样他们能够学会节约和预算。服装、医疗、食宿都是免费的（我的责任），但除此之外，如果他们想要一些东西，他们必须去挣（比如他们想要昂贵的衣服）。他们也要明白，一个合理干净的房间是他们的责任，就像做他们的学校作业一样。听起来你在养育他方面远远落后。我希望你能纠正这一点。至少你可以拿走你提供的除必需品以外的所有东西，包括你给他买的手机、你允许他使用的任何车辆、电视和电脑（除了学校学习需要的）。我认为你留给他走上成功之路的时间不多了。祝你好运。
Just kick him out of the house. He should go and find himself a place where he can do his own will. Remember that both parents and children have obligations towards each other. If he does not keep the end of his bargain, you are not expected to keep the end of your bargain too. It takes two to tango. Just give him an altimeter. If he still refuses to perform, just kick him out of the house.
把他踢出家门。他应该去给自己找一个可以随心所欲的地方。记住，父母和孩子都对彼此负有义务。如果他不遵守约定，你也不必遵守约定。跳探戈需要两个人。给他一个测高仪。如果他仍然拒绝履行，就把他踢出家门。
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You go into his room with a trash bag and start tossing. He’s been asked numerous times and refused. Therefore, you step in and throw his crap out. Then you take away the phone, laptop, and game consoles until he starts helping out. Then you MAKE him get a job. You need to be the parent and out him in his place.
你拿着垃圾袋走进他的房间，开始扔东西。你要求过他很多次，他都拒绝了。因此，你需要介入并扔掉他的垃圾。然后你拿走手机、笔记本电脑和游戏机，直到他开始帮忙。然后你让他找到工作。你要做好父母的角色，让他有自知之明。