一段关系中有哪些不好却鲜为人知的行为？（一）

Doug Armey
My top 6 in marriage.
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我列举出婚姻中的前6名（作死行为）

Seen them all.

看看这些。

Thankfully only done a couple.

很庆幸我只做过一些。

I may do stupid stuff but I’m not dumb.

我可能会做蠢事，但我不傻。

1. Attacking your spouse rather than the problem. Ok, spoiler alx for your fairy tale. You’re going to have disagreements. Sometimes intense. But if you want a healthy relationship you need to learn to attack the problem without attacking your spouse. frx it as your feelings not your spouses failings. Fix the issue. Alright, back to your movie.

1.攻击你的配偶而不是解决问题。好的，现实恋爱不像是童话。你们会有成绩排名沟通的，有时很激烈。但是，如果你想要健康的关系，你需要学会在不攻击配偶的情况下解决问题。把问题当作你的感情（失控），而不是你配偶的失败。解决问题后，好了，又回到爱情电影。

2. Never call your spouse any names other than endearing ones. Never use a derogatory name. Not even joking. Once you do it lodges deep inside. Instead focus on calling your spouse all the loving names you can. By that you plant positive seeds deep inside. And encourage them. Amazing what a difference in your relationship. And your evening.

2. 除了可爱的名字以外，永远不要叫你的配偶任何名字。永远不要使用贬义的名字，甚至玩笑也不行。 一旦你这样做，就会扎入人心。相反，你应该尽可能多地用那些有爱的名字称呼你的配偶。这样你就在内心深处种下了积极的种子，并鼓励到他们。你们之间的关系会发生令你惊叹的变化，夜晚亦是如此。

3. No ultimatums. Unless you want to live by it. And are willing to let your relationship die by it. Because you might be surprised when your spouse takes you up on it. Ultimatums create wars. Not exactly what you want in a marriage. Express your dislikes. Ask for changes. But leave the solution open ended. Then make up. Oh yeah.

3. 别下最后通牒。 除非你想靠这个活，并愿意让你们的关系因此而消亡。 因为当你的配偶最后同意（分手）时，你可能会感到惊讶。 最后通牒会引发战争。这不完全是你想要的婚姻。你可以表达你的不喜欢，要求对方改变。但是凡事留有余地，以便和好如初。 哦耶。

4. No silent treatment. Sure, in the heat of the moment it may be wise to just shut up. Believe me I’ve learned this one the hard way. Sometimes it’s best to take a break and let things cool down. But the only way to build your relationship is to keep talking. So you can work through the differences. And get on to a lot more fun things. You know.

4.不要冷暴力。当然，在发生冲突的时刻，闭嘴可能是明智之举。 相信我，虽然很难，但我已经学会了这一点。 有时最好休息一下，让事情冷静下来。 但维系你们关系的唯一方法就是继续交谈。 所以你可以克服这些差异，并继续做更多有趣的事情。 你知道的。

5. No lying about anything. Including the small innocent stuff. Who dinged the door of the car? Who lost the keys? Wholeft the milk out to spoil? Not that any of those have ever happened to us. See if someone lies about something small it creates distrust. And frankly, relationships are built on trust. And trust leads to trusting lots of other things.

5.不要在任何事情上撒谎。包括那些看似不起眼的小事情。谁敲了车门？谁丢了钥匙？谁把牛奶放在外面变质了？这些都没有发生在我们身上。看看是否有人在小事上撒谎，这会造成不信任。坦率地说，关系建立在信任之上。信任危机会带来不好的结果。

6. Never break your promise. Promise what you will do and do what you promise. No matter how seemingly insignificant. And if you fail admit it, no lame excuses and apologize. Then move on and do better next time. Frankly your spouse will more heartily accept your apology than your excuse.

6.永远不要食言。答应你能做的事，做你答应的事。不管看起来多么微不足道。如果你不信守承诺，就不要找借口。道歉后继续向前，下次争取做好。坦白地说，比起你的借口，你的配偶更愿意接受你的道歉。

Oh and one more.

哦还有一点。

You’ll occasionally do stupid stuff. Just do it only once.

你偶尔会做一些蠢事。（但要）只做一次。

Be stupid but not dumb. Like I am.

像我一样。你可以傻，但不要蠢。

Great marriages aren’t perfect marriages. Just positive and growing ones.

好的婚姻不是一切完美的。而是积极的，双方可以共同成长的。

Robert Puckett
There’s this thing that happens all too often.
It’s relatively innocent. No one ever plans for this to happen, and when it does happen, it’s often overlooked or discarded as “normal”.
I’m talking about getting too comfortable to a point where you don’t even try anymore.
You may love your partner, but you stop treating them as a partner and more like a bad habit.
Your relationship turns into something you do, simply because you feel like you have to, not because you want to.
This is often where relationships lose their spark and the magic of it starts to fade.
Getting too comfortable can lead to you not putting forth your best effort, which could ultimately be the death of the relationship.
The best relationships keep you on your toes.

这件事经常发生。
它看起来不起眼。从来没有人计划过会发生这种情况。当它发生时，通常会被忽视或当作“正常”现象放在一遍。
我说的是亲密关系太舒适了，以至于你不再尝试了。
你可能爱你的伴侣，但你不再把他们当作伴侣，这更像是一种坏习惯。
亲密关系引导着你的行动，只是因为你觉得你必须这样做，而不是因为你想这样做。
这往往是关系失去火花，（爱情）魔力开始消退的时候。
过于舒适可能会导致你不去最大程度地努力了，最终可能会导致这段关系的破裂。
最好的关系要让自己保持警觉（以防倦怠）。

Kwasi Baako
Relationships are based on repetitive normality over 80% of the times { some may even say 90% and they’d be right }. The daily I love you’s which are very predictable, the eat breakfast together, the sleep next to each other, watch the same tv shows, laugh hysterically at the same dumb jokes etc ….. Reality is after the first two years, you’ll fall into a routine which becomes this habit and that’ll become like a robotic sequence to a point where any close friends , neighbors and family can predict what you’ll do next.
The trips to Paris , the wild adventures, the spontaneity, the ski trips, those outdoor picnics don’t happen everyday, only once every now and then — and that’s only if vacation time is enough from the normal job and the money is available.
With such imbalance, it’s easy to feel like your relationship is going nowhere and remaining stagnant because every year looks the same. Fact of the matter is, that’s how they work. No matter of how things started , no matter who you’re dating, or what they say or what you expect eventually all relationships do follow the same road. Things settle down and become normal. Plenty of people will blame their partner ( as they often do ) or complain to family and friends about how bored they are and the possibility of wanting out because everything is repetitive.
It happens to many of us , it even leads to break ups and divorces. It’s sad and funny to see two people break up, just to start over with other people then redo the exact normal things they were doing before with another significant other.
The belief that things must be glamourous at all times is an unhealthy behavior as your expectations will never be met. Relationships are like the changing seasons it’s based on routines. Of course their are prolonged summers, shortened winters, early springs and late autumns ; fact is they’re still changing seasons. Welcome to the world of relationships.

80%的人的亲密关系都是日复一日的常态（有些人甚至会说90%的人都是这样）。我爱你的每一天是可以预测的，一起吃早餐，一起睡，看同样的电视节目，对同样的愚蠢笑话歇斯底里地笑等等……现实是在头两年之后展露出来，你会陷入一种习惯，这会变成得机械重复，邻居和家人都可以预测你接下来会做什么。
巴黎之旅、野外探险、自发性、滑雪之旅、户外野餐并不是每天都有，只是偶尔会有一次——这只有在正常工作外有假期时间，而且有钱的情况下才会发生。
有了这样的（前后）不平衡，很容易让人觉得你们的关系毫无进展，停滞不前，因为每年看起来都一样。事实是，这就是爱情的运行模式。不管是怎么开始的，不管你和谁约会，不管他们说什么，不管你最终期望什么，所有的关系都会走相同的道路。事情平静下来，回归普通日常。很多人会责怪他们的伴侣（就像他们经常做的那样），或者向家人和朋友抱怨他们有多无聊，因为一切都是重复的，所以他们可能想要离开。
这发生在我们很多人身上，甚至会导致分手和离婚。看到两个人分手，只是为了和其他人重新开始，然后和另一个重要的人重做他们之前做的事情，这真的悲伤又滑稽。
认为任何时候事情都必须有仪式感，这是一种不健康的行为，因为你的期望永远不会得到满足。亲密关系就像季节的变化一样，它是建立在日常基础上的。当然，可以是漫长夏季、冬夜渐短、早春和晚秋；事实上，一切仍在变化。欢迎来到亲密关系的世界。