为什么英国人与家人的关系似乎不如其他国家的人亲密？（2）
Why do English people seem to be less close to their families than other countries?
译文简介
我和我哥哥关系很好，我们每天都聊天（发短信）。我每周都和我妈妈聊天。
正文翻译
I'm very close with my brother, we chat (text) daily. I chat to my Mum every week.
我和我哥哥关系很好，我们每天都聊天（发短信）。我每周都和我妈妈聊天。
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I'm very close with my brother, we chat (text) daily. I chat to my Mum every week.
The difference could be that we are less likely to talk about personal relationships with other people. I feel no need to tell everyone about how things are with my mum or brother, as it's not a matter of public interest, it's a personal relationship.
People seem more interested here in individuals with their own personality, not just people whose whole identity is "I have lots of siblings or kids or grandkids". That's not to say anything against people who do value that above all else, but we tend to have smaller family units here than you'd find in East Asia or South America.
我和我哥哥关系很好，我们每天都聊天（发短信）。我每周都和我妈妈聊天。
不同的是，我们不太可能与其他人谈论个人关系。我觉得没有必要告诉大家我和妈妈或哥哥的情况，因为这不是公众关心的问题，这是一种私人关系。
在这里，人们似乎对有自己个性的个人更感兴趣，而不是那些整个身份只是"我有很多兄弟姐妹或孩子或孙子"的人。这并不是说要反对那些将此看得高于一切的人，但我们这里的家庭单位往往比你在东亚或南美发现的要小。
I mean this is the same country that needed a John Lewis advert telling them not to neglect their grandparents at Christmas time and to just pick up a phone and call them, so who knows.
我的意思是，这是一个需要约翰·刘易斯的广告告诉他们在圣诞节不要忽视他们的祖父母，要拿起电话给他们打电话的国家，谁知道呢。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Because we’re all repressed and emotionally damaged
因为我们都受到压抑和情感上的伤害
I thought it was just me.
我以为只有我一个人。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I know a nurse who worked in wards where there were a lot of old people on their death beds. She said that the English sons/daughters were often annoyed to have to come in and see their parents, and sometimes requested not to be called at night or during work hours, even if death was imminent. People from other ethnic backgrounds were the opposite - you had to try hard to keep them away.
As to why, I don't know, it's just how it is.
我认识一位在病房工作的护士，那里有很多躺在临终床上的老人。她说，英国人的儿子/女儿经常对必须进来看他们的父母感到恼火，有时还要求不要在晚上或工作时间叫他们，即使马上就要死了。来自其他民族背景的人则相反--你必须努力让他们离开病房。
至于为什么，我也不知道，但事情就是这样的。
When I was a kid we were treated like a nuisance half the time, to be seen and not heard. I have many’s a memory of getting a grilling in the car beforehand to behave.
I now live in Spain and see children included in everything everywhere from a young age and treated differently. As a part of the day, part of the group, not seen as an impediment to the adults having a good time as we were.
Also, my parents never took an interest in me as a person, only that I did well at school and eventually got a good job, and then wonder why I’m happy to see them once a year.
Other cultures treat their children better and enjoy better relationships with their families because of it, IMO.
当我还是个孩子的时候，我们有一半的时间被当作讨厌鬼，只被看见，不被倾听。在我的记忆中，有很多次在车上被“教育”，让我乖乖听话。
我现在住在西班牙，看到孩子们从小就被纳入所有的事情中，而且待遇不同。作为一天的一部分，团体的一部分，而不是像我们在英国一样被看作是对成年人享受美好时光的阻碍。
另外，我的父母从未对我这个人感兴趣，只知道我在学校表现良好，最终找到了一份好工作，然后想知道为什么我一年能见到他们就很高兴。
其他文化背景的人对待他们的孩子更好，并因此与他们的家人享有更好的关系，我想。
My dad never even speaks to me, my mum just never stops talking and doesn’t listen to what I say.
我爸爸甚至从不和我说话，我妈妈只是不停地说话，不听我说什么。
It sounds like my childhood was a standard English childhood then, but when I had to describe it a bit in a group therapy session (also in Spain) everyone thought it sounded like the worst thing ever (even moreso than I expected) and in particular they described an overwhelming feeling of emptiness just listening to the descxtion
Children irritate me a lot but despite that I am always glad to see them being treated as actual people here
听起来我的童年是一个标准的英国童年，但当我不得不在一个团体治疗课程中描述它时（也是在西班牙），每个人都认为这听起来像是有史以来最糟糕的事情（甚至比我预期的还要多），他们说只是听我描述就感受到了一种压倒性的空虚感。
孩子们让我很恼火，但尽管如此，我总是很高兴看到他们在这里被当作真正的人对待。
Similar experience. My mum works with old/elderly people in residential care and I’ve worked in care homes in the past, you find that these places are disproportionately English. (This become more obvious in areas with higher Asian/African/Caribbean population.) It was rare to ever see their families come and visit, maybe only on their birthday or once during Christmas holidays. Whereas the few Asian, African and Caribbean people there constantly had family and friends (from young to old) visit them, bringing them food, gifts, pillows etc. And as you said, we had to keep reiterating that they couldn’t come during certain hours lol
类似的经历。我妈妈在养老院为老人工作，我过去也在养老院工作过，你会发现这些地方的英国人比例过高。(在亚裔/非洲裔/加勒比裔人口较多的地区，这一点变得更加明显）。很少看到他们的家人来探望，也许只有在他们的生日或圣诞假期期间才有一次。而为数不多的亚洲人、非洲人和加勒比人则不断有家人和朋友（从年轻到年老）来探望他们，给他们带来食物、礼物和枕头等。正如你所说的，我们不得不不断重申他们不能在某些时间段来。
I freak out, every time on cremation commercials saying ‘don’t be a burden to your loved ones.’ Like so weird, so insulting, & played so often they’re banging this just awful theme.
每次看火化广告说'不要成为你所爱的人的负担'我都吓坏了。感觉太奇怪，太具有侮辱性了，而且还经常播放，他们大张旗鼓地宣扬一个可怕的主题。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Yep, in a hospital, a south asian family would always leave a person with the elderly great grandmother.
They would be their from the beginning the opening times started till the end of the day
It was a room full of white elderly and barely anyone came to visit . It was actually really sad.
是的，在一家医院里，一个南亚家庭总是会留一个人在年迈的曾祖母身边。
他们会从开放时间开始一直到结束都在那里。
那是一个满是白人老人的房间，却几乎没有人前来探望。这实际上是非常可悲的。
The concept of a nursing home doesn't exist in our culture either.
Though I don't oppose nursing homes myself and don't think you should have any expectations of your children.
I admire the fact that we have to show respect to our elders (that includes any older sibling too)
养老院的概念在我们的文化中也不存在。
虽然我自己不反对养老院，也不认为你应该对你的孩子有任何期望。
我很赞赏我们必须对长辈表示尊重（也包括任何年长的兄弟姐妹）的文化。
even if death was imminent.
Wow people are actually like this? I would have done anything to be with my dad at the end. That's crazy
“即使死亡迫在眉睫。”
哇，人们居然是这样的？为了在最后时刻能和我父亲在一起，我愿意做任何事情。这太疯狂了。
That's what she said to me. I have no reason to believe she was lying.
这是她对我说的。我没有理由相信她在撒谎。
It would be crazy to drop everything to say goodbye to someone I barely know and who never treated me well.
如果放下一切去和一个我几乎不了解的人说再见，而且他从未对我好过，那也很疯狂。
Parents are distant to their children, then wonder why they're alone when they're old.
父母对他们的孩子很疏远，然后想知道为什么他们老的时候会很孤独。
England isn't a country that prizes family, community or humanity particularly highly.
Our families have been turned into cash cows for a parasitic elite class that have done a very good job of destroying the ability for families to be united in any meaningful way, A lot of our families have been fragmented intergenerationally by the malignancy of the "top" tier of society and the shockwaves from their spiteful ineptitude move through time and break everything
英国并不是一个特别重视家庭、社区或人性的国家。
我们的家庭已经变成了寄生精英阶层的摇钱树，他们很好地摧毁了家庭以任何有意义的方式团结起来的能力。我们的许多家庭已经被社会“高层”恶意的无能和冲击波打得支离破碎。
I remember I met a Texan woman while staying at Loch Ness. After introducing ourselves the very first thing she asked me was how big is my family. I found this really weird and jarring as an opening question in a conversation.
I also couldn't give her an immediate answer, as I haven't memorised the number of cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents I have on top of siblings and parents. I think this experience showed me that Americans, and probably more Americans from the southern States, are much more concerned with family than the Brits.
But saying all that, I am close to my extended family, especially on my mother's side, as they were all pretty local and used to meet up quite regularly. Compare that to my friends who often hadn't seen or spoken to their cousins for years.
我记得我在尼斯湖住的时候遇到一个德克萨斯女人。在自我介绍之后，她问我的第一件事就是我的家庭有多大。我觉得这真的很奇怪，作为谈话的开场问题，这很刺耳。
我也无法立即回答她，因为我还没有记住除了兄弟姐妹和父母之外，我还有多少堂兄弟姐妹、姑姑、叔叔和祖父母。我想这次经历让我看到，美国人，可能更多来自美国南部的美国人，比英国人更关心家庭。
但说到这里，我和我的大家庭关系很好，尤其是我母亲那边，因为他们都住的近，以前经常见面。与我的朋友们相比，他们经常多年未见或未与他们的堂兄弟姐妹交谈。
I've seen multiple American sitcom episodes where two people start dating, find out they're third cousins and are disgusted and break up. Meanwhile, in the UK, the Beast off of the Chase married his second cousin without even knowing she was his second cousin.
我看过多部美国情景喜剧，有时候情景是有两个人开始约会，发现他们是三代表亲，然后感到厌恶并分手了。同时，在英国，《the Beast》中的蔡斯与他的二代表妹结婚了甚至都不知道她是他的二代表妹。
I can't even remember 2 of my grandparents names. Damn, I'm a cold bastard.
我甚至不记得我祖父母中的任意一个的名字。该死的，我是个冷酷的混蛋。
It's probably Nan and/or Grandad.
可能叫“南”和/或祖父。
Never assume Texans are “normal” Americans. Sheesh.
永远不要认为德州人是"正常"的美国人。啧啧。
It's not that they're not close, they just don't feel the need to go on about it.
他们并不是不亲近，只是觉得没有必要继续说下去。
I don't know, I think there's a lot of variation. I personally get on really well with my parents and call them once a week at least, taking a trip to see them a few times a year. My wife speaks to her mum every single day and sees her at least once a week (lives in the same city). However both of us don't bother much with other relatives from our respective extended families and they don't bother with us. My mates tend to be the same, picking and choosing who they keep in contact with and at what level.
Personally I prefer it this way, I'd much rather have the strength of my family relationships based on mutual consent than social obligation. From what I can gather a lot of people in other countries are burdened with the sense of necessity to maintain close ties with family they really don't enjoy the company of. Fuck that noise.
我不知道，我认为有很多不同的情况。我个人与我的父母相处得非常好，每周至少给他们打一次电话，每年都会去看他们几次。我的妻子每天都和她的母亲通话，每周至少见她一次（住在同一个城市）。然而，我们两个人都不怎么理会我们各自大家庭的其他亲戚，他们也不怎么理会我们。我的伙伴们也是如此，挑选和选择与谁保持联系，以及在什么程度上保持联系。
就我个人而言，我更喜欢这种方式，我更希望我的家庭关系的力量是基于相互同意的基础上而不是社会义务。据我所知，其他国家的很多人都有一种负担，即必须与他们并不喜欢的家人保持密切联系。可去他妈的吧。
I think for other cultures, you visiting a few times a year and speaking once some weeks would be considered bad
To be fair, British women seem to keep close contact with families, it's the guys that don't make as much effort
I think it just depends on the way people are raised. I know from experience most british kids grow up with their mums parents more in their lives so when they grow up, the wife/mother will be closer to her family while the guy is ok with that as he thinks that is the norm and was the way he was raised and so the guys family will not be as prominent in his life
我认为对于其他文化来说，你一年拜访几次，几周说一次话就会被认为是关系不好的。
公平地说，英国女性似乎与家庭保持密切联系，只是男性不那么努力而已。
我认为这取决于人们的成长方式。我知道根据经验，大多数英国孩子在他们的生活中更多地与他们的母亲一起成长，所以当他们长大后，妻子/母亲会更接近她的家人，而男的就比较随便，因为他认为这是常态，是他成长的方式，所以男人的家庭不会在他的生活中那么突出。
Maybe, but it sounds incredibly overbearing to be expected to maintain more contact than that as a matter of familial duty, especially if my parents weren't as great as they actually are. Imagine if they were judgemental about your life choices.
True enough about the differences in expectations regarding familial contact between genders. I'd have thought that it would stem from the general misogynistic expectations of women to look after family members more than men, but if stereotypes are correct then this isn't necessarily the case in some other countries which are otherwise more patriarchal (e.g. Italy).
也许吧，但作为家庭责任，被期望保持比这更多的联系，这听起来令人难以置信的霸道，特别是如果我的父母并不像他们实际上那么伟大。再想象一下，如果他们对你的生活选择进行评判。
关于两性之间在家庭联系方面的期望值的差异，这一点很真实。我认为这源于一种普遍的女性应该比男性更多照顾家庭成员的令人厌恶的期望，但如果刻板印象是正确的，那么在其他一些原本更重男轻女的国家（如意大利），情况就不一定了。
I get what you mean
I wasn't trying to be disrespectful or anything
I get what you mean with parents not being great for some but its still a lot less men who regularly contact parents even if they are great parents
I get what you mean by expectations but I just think British women value the larger family more. Especially their own parents and sisters mainly. Expectations would also play a part but I think it's the way people are raised most
Out of my south asian friends, majority require one of the boys to stay at home and care/provide for parents. Other cultures are the same. That's the way they were brought up
我明白你的意思
我并没有试图不尊重或任何事情
我明白你的意思，父母对某些人来说并不好，但即使他们是伟大的父母，经常联系父母的男人仍然少得多
我明白你所说的期望是什么意思，但我还是认为英国女性更看重大家庭。尤其是己方的父母和姐妹。社会期望也会发挥作用，但我认为这是更多的是关于人们的成长方式
在我的南亚朋友中，大多数家庭要求其中一个男孩留在家里照顾父母。其他文化也一样。他们就是这样长大的
Brits are repressed as fuck. We don't like to emote. I would say that family bonds are not as tight (in general) in the UK. Parents do not show their love as readily and families have a lot of suppressed shit that people may naturally not want to be close to. I think other cultures are far more likely to show their family that they love them, and therefore build stringer and more healthy/accepting family units.
This is just a theory based on my observations of growing up in the UK and moving to Australia as a young adult. I'm thousands of miles away from my toxic family dynamic and I'm very happy about it!
英国人压抑得要命。我们不喜欢表达情感。我想说，在英国，家庭纽带没有那么紧密（一般来说）。父母不会轻易表达他们的爱，家庭中有很多压抑的东西，人们可能自然而然地不愿意相互接近。我认为其他文化更有可能向他们的家人展示他们的爱，因此建立了更紧密、更健康/更包容的家庭单位。
这只是基于我在英国长大并在年轻时移居澳大利亚的观察而提出的理论。我离我的有毒家庭有几千英里远，我对此非常高兴！
"What the fuck has it got to do with you yer nosy cunt?" Is my reaction with a furrowed brow.
"这他妈跟你有什么关系，你这个多管闲事的傻逼？" 这是我眉头紧皱的反应。
Cause my family are annoying fucks and I hate spending time with them lol
因为我的家人都是讨厌的家伙，我讨厌和他们在一起的时间哈哈哈
We are just more reserved and private than other cultures.
We don’t talk in depth about our close family to people unless we are close to them, it’s just not the done thing.
Counterpoint it’s quite strange in the UK to over share about your family to people your not close too.
我们只是比其他文化更矜持、更私密。
我们不会向别人深入谈论我们的近亲，除非我们和他们很亲近，这不是我们会做的事情。
反过来说，在英国，向不亲密的人过度分享你的家庭是很奇怪的。
English or British?. I personally don't discuss my family life with people unless I'm extremely close to them and even then it's rare. I don't feel I need to air my private life in front of anyone and everyone, on the flip side I don't want to know other people's either. British people are very private people, I think that would go for most people here anyway.
There's nothing stopping anyone from being as expressive and close to family as other cultures and people are allowed to be who they want to be but at the same time they need to respect not everyone wants that.
英格兰人还是英国人？我个人不和别人讨论我的家庭生活，除非我和他们非常亲近，即使这样也很少。我不觉得我需要在任何人和所有人面前展示我的私人生活，反过来说，我也不想知道其他人的私生活。英国人是非常注重隐私的人，我想这里的大多数人也是如此。
没有什么能阻止任何人像其他文化一样表现自己和亲近家人，人们被允许成为他们想成为的人，但同时他们也需要尊重不是每个人都想这样。
I’m just not close to my parents or siblings. I can go years without talking to them because they’re just as distant as I am. I wouldn’t even say there’s a love there with my siblings. They’re just people I grew up with. I haven’t seen my Dad in 13 years, I speak to my Mum every few days on the phone and go and see her every few weeks, I don’t speak to my step-siblings and I really don’t have a relationship with my brother.
My parents were never the type to show emotion of any kind to us or each other. I have no recollection of them ever holding hands, kissing or hugging. Once I flew the nest, that was basically it.
Explains why I don’t have kids of my own, really…
我和我的父母或兄弟姐妹并不亲近。我可以多年不和他们说话，因为他们和我一样疏远。我甚至不会说对我的兄弟姐妹们有什么爱。他们只是和我一起长大的人。我已经13年没见过我爸爸了，我每隔几天和我妈妈通一次电话，每隔几周去看她，我不和我的继兄弟姐妹说话，我和我哥哥真的没有什么关系。
我的父母从来不是那种对我们或对方表现出任何情感的人。我不记得他们曾经牵过手，亲吻或拥抱过。一旦我飞出巢穴，基本上就这样了。
这也解释了为什么我没有自己的孩子，真的......
It's funny you should say that. I'm from a country that values close family ties and I've been pretty miserable while living there because I don't get along with them well.
Then I happened to move to the UK and learned "Hey, I actually don't need to have them in my life if they annoy me!" and since then, my life has been a blast.
So if you get along well with your family, all the best for you, but if not, I encourage you to kick them to the curb (or at least hold them at an arm's length).
They might be unhappy, but it's either you or them. Prioritise.
你这么说很有意思。我来自一个重视亲密家庭关系的国家，在那里生活时我一直很痛苦，因为我和他们相处得不好。
后来我碰巧搬到了英国，并了解到"嘿，如果他们惹恼了我，我其实不需要让他们出现在我的生活中！"从那时起，我的生活就变得很爽了。
因此，如果你和你的家人相处得很好，那对你来说是最好的，但如果不是，我鼓励你把他们踢到路边（或至少与他们保持一定距离）。
他们可能不高兴，但不是你不爽就是他们不爽。确定优先次序。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
We all know nobody wants to be bored to death by stories about what our parents did over the weekend. Personally, I call my mother every evening. Do my friends and colleagues know this? no? why on earth would they need to?
我们都知道，没有人愿意被父母在周末做了什么的故事烦死。就个人而言，我每天晚上都会给我母亲打电话。我的朋友和同事知道吗？不知道，他们到底为什么要知道？
Cause my family are a bunch of cunts.
因为我的家人是一群傻逼。
I had the exact opposite experience when I lived in the US, people seemed to be so awkward with their families with no close bond and huge geographical distance generally. Whereas I always felt like my English friends were close with their families and lived close to them. I think part of it was it’s not uncommon to move very far from where you grew up in the US
我在美国生活的时候有这和你描述的完全相反的经历，人们似乎和他们的家人相处得很尴尬，没有密切的联系，而且一般都有很大的地理距离。而我总觉得我的英国朋友与他们的家人关系密切，而且住得离他们很近。我认为部分原因是，在美国，从你长大的地方搬到很远的地方并不罕见。
Is it a geography + class thing maybe? People who move to a different city for uni then move to London for a professional job tend to see less of their families don’t they? My most middle class friends all barely even see theirs outside Christmas and most of my very working class family tend to live in the same house as their uncle cousin and nan.
这可能是一个地理+阶级的问题？搬到不同城市上大学，然后搬到伦敦从事专业工作的人，往往很少看到他们的家人，不是吗？我的中产阶级朋友在圣诞节之外几乎看不到他们的家人，而我的大多数工人阶级家庭往往与他们的叔叔、表弟和祖母住在同一个房子里。
Oh yeh definitely a class thing, often poorer cultures and communities are forced to keep family close for childcare, housing etc. to be fair my US friends were definitely wealthier than my uk friends
是的，这绝对是一个阶级问题，通常较贫穷的文化和社区被迫保持家庭接近，以照顾孩子和住房等。
This is definitely a big part of it too. My youngest brother (with 2 kids) sees my folks almost daily as they're the de-facto child minders for those times when him and his wife are on shift . Financially, they're both probably in that semi-skilled category, not low paid, but not middle class either, and cost of living/housing etc means that they aren't left with much at the end of the month
Middle brother - unmarried, still lives at home. Skilled professional, but can't afford to move out and buy property alone
Me - married, no kids. Both me and the wife are highly skilled, technical professionals, top tax bracket earners. Her folks are both dead, but i probably see mine 4-5 times a year, despite living in the same town, and I LIKE my parents
这绝对是很大一部分原因。我最小的弟弟（有两个孩子）几乎每天都能看到我的父母，因为当他和他的妻子轮班的时候，他们事实上就是孩子的保姆。在经济上，他们可能都属于半技术类别，工资不低，但也不是中产阶级，生活/住房等成本意味着他们在月底时没有留下多少钱。
中间的兄弟--未婚，仍然住在家里。是有技术的专业人员，但没有能力单独搬出去买房
我--已婚，没有孩子。我和妻子都是高技能的专业技术人员，缴纳最高税率的收入者。她的父母都去世了，但我可能每年也只见我的父母4-5次，尽管住在同一个城市，我也喜欢我的父母。
Its eat, chill, and then sleep, and then weekends have to be when we do all of our mundane household chores, like laundry, shopping, phoning the bank etc. Much as i love them, i rarely have the energy or motivation to go see them
Had they not had my younger brothers around them a lot, maybe it'd be different, but at least i know they're taken care of and surrounded by family almost constantly, so i don't have to. Its harsh, and i do feel selfish about it
纯粹从个人角度讲，我为享受财务自由所付出的代价是，我在一天结束时精神上已经疲惫不堪，给父母打电话聊天甚至连想都没想过。
吃饭，放松，然后睡觉，周末我们还得做所有平凡的家务，如洗衣服，购物，给银行打电话等。虽然我很爱他们，但我很少有精力或动力去看他们。
如果他们没有我的弟弟经常在他们身边，也许情况会有所不同，但至少我知道他们已经得到了照顾，几乎一直被家人包围着，所以我就不必如此了。这很刺耳，而且我确实觉得自己很自私。
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Not really my experience, I’m really close to mine. They’re all popping round for tea tonight actually, my turn to cook.
这不是我的经验，我和我的家人关系非常好。实际上，他们今晚都会来喝茶，轮到我做饭。
My mother lives in a annex next door and the wife visits the her parents four or five times a week. So you’ve gone with a bit of generalisation.
我母亲住在隔壁楼，我妻子每周都会去看望她的父母四、五次。所以你有点以偏概全了。
That's weird to me as an English person. Even when living abroad, I would keep in touch with my family daily on Whatsapp, visit as often as I could, and now I've moved back partly to be closer to them. I don't know about other families but I can't understand being cold and distant with your family either.
作为一个英国人，这对我来说很奇怪。即使在国外生活时，我也会每天在Whatsapp上与家人保持联系，尽可能多地去看望他们，现在我搬回来的部分原因是为了更接近他们。我不知道其他家庭的情况，但我也无法理解对家人的冷淡和疏远。