你觉得中国女孩怎么样?在外国人看来她们怎么样(一)

David Grason, Blindsided by my ex wife seeking a divorce

大卫·格拉森，被我前妻想要离婚搞得措手不及
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

I can only go by my GF, Suzy. She was Chinese. I dated her for about a year in 2012 and 2013. I was 57 at the time. She was 45 years old at the time and had a son in college in Beijing. Her son lived with her ex-husband which I guess is a Chinese thing. I don’t know.
Suzy was the first Chinese girl I’d ever dated. I knew virtually nothing of Chinese culture before I met her. If I had to base all of my impressions of China and Chinese culture on Suzy, I would say that she did an absolutely superb job representing her country in a very positive manner. She was just all around a great, great person and the complete opposite of the flag-waving, feminazi that my American ex-wife was. Suzy was an amazing breath of fresh air. She never spoiled for a fight. She was always happy and appreciative of little things while my ex-wife felt entitled to all that I could give her and constantly demanded more.
Suzy was really very easy on the eyes, too. She was so pretty that I could just sit and look at her all day. Her long straight black hair was the complete opposite of the short blonde hair of my ex-wife.

我只能叫我女朋友苏西。她是中国人。在2012年和2013年，我和她约会了大约一年。当时我57岁，她45岁，有一个儿子在北京上大学。她的儿子和前夫住在一起，我猜这是中国人的习惯。具体我就不知道为什么如此。
苏西是我约会过的第一个中国女孩。在遇到她之前，我对中国文化几乎一无所知。如果我必须把我对中国和中国文化的所有印象都建立在苏西的基础上，我会说，她以一种非常积极的方式代表她的国家且做得非常出色，她是一个非常非常伟大的人，与我的美国前妻那种旗帜飘扬、女性化的形象完全相反。苏西让人耳目一新。她从不喜欢争吵。她总是很开心，对小事都很感激，而我的前妻觉得我有义务给予她一切，并不断要求更多。
苏西的眼睛也很好看。她太漂亮了，我可以整天坐着看着她。她又长又直的黑发和我前妻的金色短发完全相反。

I will say that she was very tender hearted. She would cry at the drop of a hat. I had become immune to fake tears after 23 years of marriage but I soon discovered that Suzy did not fake her tears. In fact, she was quite embarrassed for me to even catch her crying. …like when seeing a tear jerking chic flick.
She tended to be very clingy. I realized that she was quite codependent. But I have learned that codependent girls are basically really good girls. You just need to establish boundaries and that’s what I did. One area here was that apparently in China, it is quite common for a girl to act mad at her BF and then stonewall him. They even have a name for this but I do not know what it is called. Suzy did this to me several times very early in our relationship. Finally, on about the third time, I got up and walked towards the door. She asked where I was going and I said that I was dumping her. I went on to say that I am not going to be involved with any woman that plays these head games with me as I had had more than enough of all that with my ex. I explained that, if she wanted a relationship with me, she had to be completely transparent as I would be with her. That was the last time she behaved like that and our relationship really improved after that.
Suzy responded to cuddling like no other GF I’ve ever had. She had never gotten this from her ex or from her family as a child. But with me, she just never wanted to stop cuddling. It was like she was starved for it. Anytime I went to her place, she would jump into my arms as soon as I walked in and she wouldn’t let go.

我会说她是一个非常温柔的人。她动不动就会哭。经过23年的婚姻生活，我已经对假眼泪免疫了，但我很快发现苏西的眼泪并不是假的。事实上，让我看到她哭，她都觉得很尴尬。就像看一部催人泪下的时髦电影。
她很黏人。我意识到她很依赖别人。但我了解到，相互依赖的女孩基本上都是好女孩。你只需要建立界限，我就是这么做的。在中国，女孩对男友发火，然后阻止他是很常见的事情。他们甚至有一个名字，但我不知道它叫什么。在我们刚开始交往的时候，苏西就这样对我好几次。最后，大约在第三次的时候，我站了起来，向门口走去。她问我要去哪里，我说我要甩了她。我继续说，我不会和任何跟我玩这种脑力游戏的女人交往，因为我和我的前任已经受够了这些。我解释说，如果她想和我建立关系，她必须完全透明，就像我对她那样。那是她最后一次那样做，从那以后我们的关系真的改善了。
苏西对拥抱的反应是我在其他女朋友那从未遇到过的。她小时候从来没有从她的前任或她的家人那里得到过这个。但和我在一起，她永远都不想停止拥抱。就好像她饿坏了一样。每当我去她家，我一进门，她就扑到我怀里，不肯放手。

Also, along this same line, I never used to tell a good looking woman that she was good looking. This was because good looking girls in America already know they are good looking. When they hear it from a guy, they just think the guy is trying to get lucky with them. When I was dating Suzy, I realized that she had a fantastically cultured and graceful exterior but on the inside, she was still a scared little girl. Her self-esteem was quite low. And so, I started noticing little things that I liked and I complimented her on them. I made a serious effort to not make anything up but to speak about things that I was genuinely impressed with. It was very important to me that I was always sincere because I never wanted to be seen as patronizing in any way. These compliments turned her into a really sweet and caring woman.
She constantly played with the hair on my arms. …and my arms aren’t really very hairy. But she said they had more hair on them than any Chinese men she knew. LOL
So that is my impression of Chinese girls. I wish I had more but this is all I have to formulate an opinion. But my opinion is very positive.

同样地，我也从来没有对一个漂亮的女人说过她很漂亮。这是因为在美国，漂亮的女孩已经知道自己很漂亮了。当他们从一个男人那里听到这句话时，他们只是觉得这个男人是想和他们交好运。当我和苏西约会的时候，我意识到她有一个非常有教养和优雅的外表，但在内心深处，她仍然是一个害怕的小女孩。她的自尊心很敏感。所以，我开始注意到一些我喜欢的小事情，并就此称赞她。我努力不去编造任何东西，而是讲一些真正让我印象深刻的事情。对我来说，真诚是非常重要的，因为我不想在任何方面被认为是高人一等的。这些赞美把她变成了一个真正甜美体贴的女人。
她经常玩弄我胳膊上的毛发，我的手臂毛发也不是很多。但她说，它们比她认识的任何中国男人都多。哈哈
这就是我对中国女孩的印象。我希望我能有写更多，但这是我唯一能表达观点的东西。但我的看法是非常积极的。

Kevin R. Sterne, Some random answers about random questions.

Kevin R. Sterne, 一些关于随机问题的随机答案
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

I'm an Indonesian Born (mostly of) Manchu (descent), honestly don't take this post as to think that I'm promoting “Hate" but rather of how I've observed many Chinese girls during my school years.
So, here we go.
Most of the Chinese girls and women I've observed here, are only dating for benefits. By benefits meaning that you're from a higher social status than her, buying her gifts. Take her to Starbucks, UniQlo, H&M, ZARA, etc.
Basically spending (your life savings) money for her, and then expect her to cheat a bit because she could get bored if you don't satisfy her or she just doesn't like you anymore.
And if you already married to her + had a child with her, you have to stay with her in order to protect the “Family Reputation”.
I've seen this with older generations and younger generations, Chinese girls and women.
I'm not so sure, why this is even a phenomenon around the Chinese communities in my life and area.
But surely, this makes me a bit worried whenever I'm fallen in love with Chinese girls or vice versa.

我是一个印尼出生的（多半是）满族（后裔），老实说，我不认为这篇文章是在宣扬“仇恨”，而这是我在上学期间观察了许多中国女孩的方式。
那么，现在我们可以开始。
我在这里观察到的大多数中国女孩和女性都只是为了利益而约会。利益意味着你的社会地位比她高，买她的礼物。带她去星巴克、优衣库、H&M、ZARA等。
基本上就是为她花费(你一生的积蓄)，然后期待她出轨，因为如果你不能满足她或者她不再喜欢你，她可能会感到无聊。
如果你已经和她结婚，并且有了孩子，你必须和她呆在一起，以保护“家庭声誉”。
我在老一辈和年轻一代、中国女孩和女性身上看到了这一点。
我不太确定，为什么这在我生活和居住的地区的华人社区中是一种现象。
当然，每当我爱上中国女孩时，我都会有点担心，反之亦然。

So I've learned to not love any Asian girls, because in my mother's family. It does reflect the Chinese behaviour towards marriage, I'm currently a part time spy for my cousin to spy on my aunt who's currently cheating on her own husband. While her husband did the same thing, and then my uncle called my aunt “Cewek Kalijodo" which means that's she's a prostitute and since she grew up in that area.
And besides they used to bullied me on how ugly I looked and no girls would liked me, since I used to be fat as well.

所以我学会了不去爱任何亚洲女孩，因为在我母亲的家庭里。这确实反映了中国人对待婚姻的态度，我目前是我表妹的兼职间谍，以监视我姑姑，我姑姑目前正在欺骗自己的丈夫。而她的丈夫也做了同样的事情，然后我叔叔叫我的阿姨“Cewek Kalijodo”，意思是她是个妓女，自她出生起就在那个地区长大。
此外，他们过去常常欺负我，说我长得十分丑，没有女孩会喜欢我，因为我过去也很胖。

So it kinda help me to reduce my love or should I say “Lust" for romanticism towards the same race as mine.
And despite the fact that I've lose weight and accidentally attract some (3–5) Chinese girls who are interested to date me, I just pretend that I don't speak Indonesian or even Chinese dialects (which is true, I don't speak mandarin or even any Chinese dialect). And then move away, if they're asking me out on a date.
So I learned how to treat Asian (specifically Chinese) girls as merely like an “Acquaintance” or “Friends" if both her and me had the same interests.
The reason why I even refuses my mother's offers to make me date and marry a “Chinese Girl", I just choose not to. Because the outcome might be the same as the other family members of mine or other people who are currently live in the same house but going out on a date with a person that isn't their spouse.

所以这能帮我减少对和我同种族的浪漫主义的爱或者应该说是“欲望”。
尽管事实上我已经减肥了，并且意外地吸引了一些（3-5）个对我感兴趣的中国女孩，但我只是假装我不会说印尼话甚至汉语方言（这是真的，我不会说普通话甚至任何汉语方言）。如果他们邀请我出去约会，那就搬走。
所以我学会了如何把亚洲女孩（特别是中国女孩），如果她和我有相同的兴趣，就把她当作“熟人”或“朋友”。
为什么我甚至拒绝我母亲让我和一个“中国女孩”约会和结婚的建议，我只是选择不去。因为结果可能和我的其他家庭成员或者其他目前住在同一所房子里的人一样，但是和一个不是他们配偶的人出去约会。

Idk if this is a cultural thing, but I just don't wanna be part of those miserable lifes. And that's why I usually think twice before I could even think of dating a Chinese girl.
If Chinese guys and girls are into open marriage while being legally with each other, then sorry. I'm not going to be part of this culture that I'm just not comfortable to be in.
And also, you must accept the fact that she will be using her hands or even belittled you. If she's not happy with you, as of many cases with Hong Kong girls I've seen on the internet + some real life incidents before that I didn't even bother to record on my phone or otherwise they might destroy my phone + I'm basically stripping someone's privacy illegaly.

我不知道这是不是文化问题，但我只是不想成为那些悲惨生活的一部分。这就是为什么我通常在考虑和中国女孩约会之前都会三思。
如果中国男女在法律上是开放婚姻的，那就抱歉了。我不会成为这种让我感到不舒服的文化的一部分
而且，你必须接受这样一个事实，她会用她的手，甚至贬低你。如果她对你不满意，就像我在网上看到的许多香港女孩的案例一样，加上之前一些现实生活中的事件，我甚至都没有花时间在手机上记录下来，否则他们可能会毁了我的手机，我基本上是非法剥夺了某人的隐私。

I just don't even bother thinking about dating Chinese girls, sure not all Chinese girls are like this. But I don't really have enough time to find a perfect Chinese girls that didn't act like all of the above, the Majority of Chinese girls I've encountered are mostly like this. And I'm basically focusing on something else instead of dating, you can say whatever you want. Call me an incel or even whatever it is, but kinda hard to even think about it.
Usually I will be much more happier to avoid Chinese girls romantically but befriending them is much better
So this is what I think of Chinese girls, mostly.
Well if this is offending you, sorry. You could downvote this, and I couldn't care more about it. Since this is my experience observing their behaviours in public, sometimes in private as well.
They're a good friend but a bad girlfriend in some cases, vice versa could be true as well for Chinese guys.
And of course not all of them are like this, just some personal observations of the Chinese communities in my country.

我根本不想和中国女孩约会，当然不是所有的中国女孩都是这样的。但我真的没有足够的时间来找到一个不是像上面所说的那样的完美的中国女孩，我遇到的大多数中国女孩都是这样的。我基本上专注于其他事情，而不是约会，你想说什么就说什么。你可以叫我非自愿独身者，或者随便什么，但想想都有点难。
通常，我会更乐意避免与中国女孩发生浪漫关系，但与她们交朋友要好得多。
这就是我对中国女孩的看法。
如果这冒犯了你，对不起。你可以投反对票，但我很在乎。因为这是我在公共场合观察他们行为的经验，有时在私人场合也一样。
他们是好朋友，但在某些情况下是坏女友，反之亦然，对中国男人来说也是如此。
当然，并不是所有人都是这样，这只是我个人对我国华人社区的一些观察。

Vojta Havránek, Worked 3 years in Shenzhen, than studied Mandarin for 1 yr there.

Vojta Havránek，在深圳工作了3年，然后在那里学了1年普通话。

Thanks for the A2A. I am complimented that you consider me an expert on this interesting topic :).
So following is just my humble opinion open for any feedback, keeping on mind that most of my time in China I lived in Shenzhen which is a modern city with lot of immigrants from various provinces of China. I will describe how I perceive the Chinese girls in generalized comparison to girls in Europe.
There are big differences between the girls from big cities and from rural areas in terms of their opinions, behavior, they way they dress etc.
Generally, the Chinese girls make more cute and somehow more feminine impression than their European counterparts which may be partly due to the preference of "cuteness" by the still rather traditional Chinese society, partly due to their more "fragile" physical appearance.

感谢提问。你认为我是这一有趣话题的专家，我感到很荣幸。
因此，以下是我的拙见，欢迎大家反馈。，请记住，我在中国的大部分时间都住在深圳，这是一个现代化的城市，有许多来自中国各省的移民。我将描述我如何在广义上将中国女孩与欧洲女孩进行比较的。
来自大城市和农村的女孩在观点、行为、着装方式等方面存在很大差异。
总的来说，中国女孩比欧洲女孩更可爱，更具女性魅力，这可能部分原因可能是中国传统社会对“可爱”的偏爱，部分原因可能是他们更“脆弱”的外表。

Chinese people in general don't like to express openly their emotions and this is especially true about the girls. So most of the girls are much more shy compared to the Europeans, although there is a lot of exceptions to this, especially in the more cosmopolitan cities. Again, there is a strong pressure of the rather conservative society, even though the society is evolving very quickly in the recent years. (For example, kissing in public is still a taboo in China.) However, the more a person represses her emotions in public, the more emotional is usually in the private (applies to tenderness as well as anger).
As a side note, the "repressed emotional explosion effect" rather often unexpectedly appears anywhere China, which is not at all uniquely by girls. I've witnessed a couple of crazy and prolonged street fights which started over some seemingly innocent issue.
This is also related to the issue of "preserving face", which is very important for Chinese. Because of that a Chinese girl usually does her best to avoid embarrassing you, especially in front of others. Also from this reason, if a guy courts a Chinese girl who is not interested in him, she will almost never reject him directly. Instead, she will either completely ignore him, stop answering any communication or pretend that she is busy all the time.
The Chinese style of humor is quite different from the European (or western in general). Chinese jokes are somehow more politically correct and often concern money. A Chinese girl can easily take offense by taking seriously a cocky joke from a guy which a European girl would consider just innocent teasing.

中国人一般不喜欢公开表达自己的情感，尤其是女孩。因此，与欧洲人相比，大多数女孩要害羞得多—尽管有很多例外，尤其是在更国际化的城市。再者，来自保守社会的强大压力，尽管这个社会近年来发展非常迅速。（例如，在中国，当众接吻仍然是禁忌。）然而，一个人在公共场合越是压抑自己的情绪，通常在私人场合就越情绪化（既适用于愤怒也适用于温柔）。
另一方面，“压抑的情绪爆发效应”往往出人意料地出现在中国的任何地方，这并不是女孩独有的。我亲眼目睹了两起疯狂的、旷日持久的街头斗殴，起因都是一些看似无辜的问题。
这也与“面子”问题有关，这对中国人来说非常重要。正因为如此，中国女孩通常会尽力避免让你尴尬，尤其是在别人面前。同样出于这个原因，如果一个男人追求一个对他不感兴趣的中国女孩，她几乎永远不会直接拒绝他。相反，她要么完全无视他，停止回复任何信息，要么假装一直很忙。
中国人的幽默风格与欧洲人（或西方人）截然不同。中国笑话在某种程度上更符合政治正确性，而且常常与金钱有关。一个中国女孩很容易因为把一个欧洲女孩认为是单纯玩笑的男人的狂妄玩笑当真而生气。。

Most Chinese girls are very diligent and determined, some of them are also very ambitious. But in relationship with men, they usually don't achieve their goals by direct pressure, but rather by soft and persistent power. Somewhere I read the very apt comparison to a steady flow of river, that always goes around the obstacles to reach the destination at the end.

HOWEVER, SOME Chinese girls like to resort to a weapon of mass destruction called SA JIAO (撒娇) when they want to get something from their boyfriend. Fortunately, I was never "victim" of this form of pressure myself, so maybe some fellow Quoran can comment more on that uncanny topic. Basically, a girl that does the SA JIAO behaves like a spoiled child - first beg, than cry and finally throw tantrums at the guys to get her way, usually in order to make him buy some material goods. I read about an extreme case, where a girl pushed her boyfriend to buy a luxury car to her by creating scene in the car store. This kind of behavior would be considered unacceptable by most of the Europeans, but there are some Chinese guys who find such behavior cute and accept it. Or maybe they believe they have to in order to prove their affection to the girl. Personally, I think that most Chinese girls would not behave this way, especially if their partner lets her know he won't accept it. In the long term, she appreciates better a guy who deeply cares about her, respects her and tries to understand her feelings over a guy who spoils her with material goods. But every person is indeed unique and guys should choose their potential girlfriend in China very carefully.
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

That said, I have to admit that in China there is much more stress on the guy's ability to provide for his girl financially than in Europe. Therefore most of Chinese girls aren't comfortable with sharing the price of the meal on a lunch with the boyfriend etc. Although some Chinese men take it to the extreme by splurging on many gifts, most of the Chinese girls actually do NOT demand it in my opinion.

大多数中国女孩都非常勤奋和坚定，他们中的一些人也非常有野心。但在与男性的关系中，他们通常不是通过直接的压力来实现自己的目标，而是通过软而持久的力量。我在某个地方读到过一个非常贴切的比喻，那就是河流的稳定流动，总是绕过障碍到达终点。
然而，当一些中国女孩她们想从男朋友那里得到什么的时候，他们喜欢使用一种叫做“撒娇”的大规模杀伤性武器(撒娇) 。幸运的是，我自己从来都不是这种压力的“受害者”，所以也许一些QA的同伴可以对这个离奇的话题发表更多的评论。基本上，一个撒娇的女孩的行为就像一个被宠坏的孩子——先是乞讨，然后哭泣，最后对男人大发脾气，以达到她的目的，通常是为了让他买一些物质上的东西。我读到了一个极端的案例，一个女孩在汽车店制造场景，迫使男友给她买了一辆豪华汽车。这种行为被大多数欧洲人认为是不可接受的，但也有一些中国人觉得这种行为很可爱并接受了。或者他们认为必须这样做才能证明他们对女孩的爱。就我个人而言，我认为大多数中国女孩不会这样做，尤其是如果她们的伴侣让她知道他不吃这一套。从长远来看，她更喜欢一个深深关心她、尊重她、试着理解她感受的男人，而不是一个用物质宠坏她的男人。但每个人都是独一无二的，在中国，男人应该非常谨慎地选择他们潜在的女朋友
也就是说，我不得不承认，在中国，男人在经济上供养女孩的能力比在欧洲要承受的压力大得多。因此，大多数中国女孩都不愿意与男朋友AA制午餐的价格。虽然一些中国男人把这种做法发挥到了极致，挥霍了很多礼物，但在我看来，大多数中国女孩实际上并不要求这样做。

The Chinese girls are also under much stronger influence of their parents. And I suspect (maybe I am wrong here!), that the parents often strongly push the girl to choose her partner primarily according to his financial situation. It is common for romantic relationships to end abruptly after disapproval from the girl's parents. Due to the expected parental pressure, the Chinese girls often keep her boyfriend secret from her family, until she is ready to get married with him.
There are some very beautiful girls in China, as in every country in the world. From my point of view, the biggest physical amenity of the Chinese girls (beside the cuteness) is that many have a stunning, slim and straight figure.
The girls in the rural areas tend all to dress quite similar and I have to say boring style (which is understandable). In the big cities on the other hand, there are girls that dress courageously and playfully. Sometimes it looks elegant, sometimes tacky.

中国女孩也更多的受到父母影响。我怀疑（也许我错了！），父母经常强烈要求女孩主要根据自己的经济状况来选择伴侣。在女孩的父母不同意后，浪漫关系突然结束是很常见的。由于预期的父母压力，中国女孩经常对她的家人隐瞒她的男友身份，直到她准备与他结婚。
就像世界上每个国家一样，中国有一些非常漂亮的女孩。在我看来，中国女孩最大的身体优势(除了可爱)是很多人都有漂亮、苗条、挺拔的身材。
农村女孩的着装都很相似，我不得不说风格很无趣（这是可以理解的）。另一方面，在大城市里，有一些女孩穿着大胆而有趣。有时它看起来优雅，有时俗气。
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Finally, this is a perspective of foreigner in China. Chinese girls seem to feel a combination of curiosity and fear towards the foreigners, much of it based on Chinese stereotypes towards foreigners. Sometimes it helps the foreigner to meet the new people, sometimes it harms him. I am expecting a couple of comments to this like "It is easy for you to get a relationship with Chinese girls, because you are foreigner and Chinese girls think foreigners are rich! But for Chinese guys it's extremely difficult because of the uneven male/female demographics.". I don't know whether it is true or not and I dare not to judge, but for the guys who think so, it might be interesting to know that I've spoken with couple of very beautiful Chinese girls, who complained to me that they feel lonely, because no boy is interested in them. So may it be that there is also a fair share of Chinese guys, who are too shy to approach the girl and instead waste their precious time making excuses for themselves?
And besides all the specific points mentioned above, I am convinced the Chinese girls are the same as girls all over the world. :-)
(which means wonderful!!!)

EDIT: As several ladies pointed out in the comments, there’s an inaccuracy in my answer over the difference of SA JIAO (撒娇), SA PO(撒泼) . What I describe in the answer should be called SA PO. SA JIAO is a playful and cute way of Chinese girls behaving like a child whereas SA PO is the unreasonable variant when a girl makes scenes to press her demands. Thanks for the correction!
最后，这是外国人在中国的视角。中国女孩似乎对外国人既好奇又害怕，其中很大一部分是基于中国人对外国人的刻板印象。有时这有助于外国人结识新朋友，有时这对他有害。我期待着一些评论，比如“你很容易与中国女孩建立关系，因为你是外国人，中国女孩认为外国人很富有！但对于中国男人来说，这是极其困难的，因为男女人口结构不平衡。”我不知道这是真的还是假的，我也不敢妄下论断。但对于那些这样认为的人来说，这可能会很有趣，我跟一些非常漂亮的中国女孩聊过，她们跟我抱怨说她们感到孤独，因为没有男生对她们感兴趣。所以，可能也有相当一部分中国男人，他们太害羞而不敢接近女孩，而是浪费宝贵的时间为自己找借口。
除了上面提到的所有具体点，我相信中国女孩和世界各地的女孩一样
编辑：正如几位女士在评论中指出的那样，我对撒娇和撒泼差异的回答不准确 . 我在回答中所描述的应该称为撒泼。撒娇是中国女孩表现得像个孩子一样顽皮可爱的方式，而撒泼则是一个女孩为了满足自己的要求而制造场景的不合理撒娇变体，感谢更正！

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