有什么所有男人都知道但不会说的规则？
What is a unspoken, universal rule all males know?
译文简介
站起来的时候拍拍裤兜。
正文翻译
What is a unspoken, universal rule all males know?
有什么所有男人都知道但不会说的规则？
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
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When leaving you must smack your pockets to make sure everything is there.
走的时候拍拍裤兜，确保东西都在。
Triple pat. Phone, keys, wallet.
拍三下。手机，钥匙，钱包。
The number of times I've said "keys, phone, wallet" while smacking my pockets... I thought I was the only one
我数不清自己在拍裤兜的时候说了多少次“钥匙手机钱包”了……我以为只有自己这么做。
If you don’t slap your own ass you aren’t being thorough
如果你不拍拍屁股，那你就没拍到底。
Holy s***. Are you me?
我草了，你是我本人吗？
“钥匙。手机。钱包。中。”
Absolutely. My order is:
太对了。我的顺序是：
拍拍前面的右侧口袋：手机在。
拍拍前面的左侧口袋：钱包在。
拍拍右面屁股的口袋：钥匙/口罩
拍拍左面屁股的口袋：梳子，以及其他小玩意儿。
You sit on your keys, not your wallet?
你坐在钥匙上？不是钱包上？
If I'm wearing jeans or thicker clothing. My keys are flat enough not to feel it unless I'm sitting in a very uncomfortable position. If I'm wearing thinner clothes, which I don't often, I tend to switch them with the wallet.
如果我穿的是牛仔裤或者更厚的裤子的话，确实如此。我的钥匙都很扁平，所以除非我坐的姿势特别不舒服，否则我是感觉不到的。如果我穿的是比较薄的裤子，我并不经常这么穿，那么我就把它和钱包的位置换一下。
Meanwhile I have my phone in front left and keys+wallet in front right. I have trust issues with back pockets.
而我是把手机放到大腿左边口袋，钥匙和钱包放在大腿右边口袋。我不太相信屁股兜。
Phone in the front? You animals. Right side back pocket is where it belongs
手机放前面？你们这帮出生。右屁股口袋才是手机真正的归属。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
You shouldn't sit on anything, but if you must, a car key and fob is a lot less thick than a wallet. Sitting on wallets can actually hurt your back due to misalignment.
你不应该让屁股垫着东西坐。如果必须坐的话，车钥匙和遥控器也比钱包薄得多。总坐在钱包上会因为脊柱弯曲而伤到你的后背。
The W I D E step. Y’all know.
迈 一 大 步。你们都懂。
It's like pulling a fruit rollup off of the plastic.
就像把山楂卷上的塑料皮撕开一样。
My lady cracks up when I’m walking ahead and give thee old wide step AND mid-step shake.
我走在路上突然迈了三大步，中间还甩了一甩，把我老婆笑死了。
You can shake and you can dance but the last drops always end up in your pants
你尽管摇，你也尽管舞，但最后一滴尿一定留在你的内裤。
you can take a minute to milk 'er but then you risk someone walking in and you becoming the guy rubbin it out at the urinal
你也可以花一分钟的时间把它慢慢挤出来，但那样你就会冒着某人走进来然后发现你站在小便池前面自娱自乐的风险。
Nod down to guys you don’t know, Nod up to friends.
对你不认识的人颔首，对你的朋友抬下巴。
Polite nod down is also done for sign of respect or as a "thanks" in countries where you don't kinda want to socialize too much
在那种不喜欢过度社交的国家，礼貌地颔首也是尊敬或者“感谢”的标志。
When watching TV/hanging by the fire/etc. with the guys, if you get up to get a beer, always consult the room if anyone else requires a beverage before leaving.
跟老铁们一起看电视，或者在火炉旁打发时间的时候，如果你要站起来拿啤酒，走之前一定要问问屋子里有没有人要喝点啥。
Only the driver can modify anything on the dashboard from the car.
只有司机才能动中控台。
UNLESS that driver has verbally designated the CoPilot to certain duties.
除非司机亲口命令副驾驶完成某些任务。
protect your junk at all costs. There's a reason why cowboys wear jeans in the desert.
不惜一切代价保护你的小兄弟。牛仔在沙漠里穿牛仔裤，是有道理的。
Yea to protect against insects and animal bites, ticks, sticks, kicked up rubble, rocks, cactuses, etc
没错，防止蚊虫和动物叮咬，虱子，针扎，被踢起来的鹅卵石，大石头，仙人掌之类的。
Borrow a car - bring it back with more gas than you started with.
你借一辆车——开回来的时候加上比开走时更多的油。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I know some guys that don't know this rule
我认识一些不懂得这种规矩的兄弟。
Never turn your homie into a clown,just to make a girl laugh
别为了让一个女孩笑，而把你的兄弟变成一个小丑。
这真的很糟糕。
I turn into a clown FOR my homie. Gotta make them look better.
我会为了我的兄弟，自己变成一个小丑。得显得他们更好。
You must let out a sigh of satisfaction when sitting down on a lawn chair.
坐在躺椅上的时候一定要发出一声满足的叹息。
And there must be someone near to ask you to do something the moment you are done with your sigh
然后在你舒舒服服地叹完气之后，附近一定要有一个人让你去做什么事情。
You cannot call shotgun in a friend's car if he has his girlfriend/wife in the group.
如果你兄弟的女友或者老婆也在，你就不能坐副驾驶。
Never actively thought about it, but it's true
从来没想过，但确实如此。
You must stand by your bro while he's grilling, and make comments about the level of awesome it's going to be.
你兄弟烧烤的时候必须站在他旁边，告诉他烤出来的东西会有多牛逼。
I did this Sunday night. Literally for an hour and a half nothing but "damn that smells good" and "this shits gonna be fire"
我这周日刚这么做过。一个半小时啥也没干，光在旁边说“草这玩意儿真他妈香”，“这他妈烤出来肯定好吃”
If you're bald and I'm bald. We're automatically bald brothers.
如果你也秃，我也秃，那么我们就是秃秃兄弟。
Always bring the groceries into the house in one trip. There are no exceptions
一趟就把超市买的东西拎回家。绝无例外。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
We must feel the pain of our fellow men who we see being hit in the balls
我们一定要和那些蛋蛋遭遇重击的兄弟们一起感受疼痛。
If a friend buys you a drink you don’t pay it back you just buy the next round..
如果有朋友给你买了饮料，别还回去，下一轮你请就行。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
When there's a choice between urinals, use the one that minimizes the chances of neighboring another occupied urinal.
当可以选择小便池的时候，选那个最不可能挨着另一个被人用的小便池的池子。
I had an old man walk up to the urinal next to me, when all of the other urinals were available, and tell me "don't worry, I won't piss on you." before unleashing the most aggressive piss I've ever heard in my life.
我曾经遇见过一个老头子径直走到我旁边的小便池，而别的小便池都是空的。他跟我说“你别担心，我不会尿你身上。”然后他尿出了我这辈子听见过冲劲儿最大的一泡尿。
我仍然会偶尔想起来这回事。
He was totally going to piss on you if you seemed interested.
如果你表达自己感兴趣的话他绝对会尿你身上的。
If you with your homie and his crush rolls up
如果你跟你兄弟在一起，他喜欢的人出现了
那你不是用来搞笑的角色
Most dudes either don't care about this one or just don't know it. Needs more recognition.
绝大多数兄弟要不然就不在乎这件事，要不然就根本不知道。需要更多的承认。
Not many guys tell their friends about their crushes
不是很多人会跟兄弟讲自己喜欢谁的。
My 2 best friends do tell me about their crushes and I follow this rule like it's the law:
我有两个最好的朋友确实会告诉我他们喜欢谁，所以我会像遵守法律一样遵守下面这些规则：
给他们一些笑话我自己的话头。
如果他们有好笑的地方，别去笑话他们。这不值当，并且会给你朋友帮倒忙。
（可选）他们讲笑话的时候，笑得比平常更厉害一点。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I have a friend who is an absolute master of this. He has noticed that I was into a chic before I even noticed it, and was already laying some groundwork for me. Im 32 now and its been that way ever since early on in highschool.
我有个朋友是这方面的高手。在我自己发现之前，他就意识到我看上了一个妞儿，并且他已经在给我做准备了。我今年已经32岁了，从刚上高中到现在，他一直都在这么做。
Every time you grab the tongs click them twice to make sure they work.
每次拿起夹子的时候，咔哒两下确保它能用。
Similar to power tools
电钻也是一样。
Ah yes the press of the trigger that must last exactly a quarter of a second.
太对了，一定要按一下扳机，长度是精准的四分之一秒。
If anything is floating in the toilet when you pee it instantly becomes a target.
如果你尿尿的时候有东西飘在马桶里，那东西立刻就是你的目标。
Unless there is a shit stain on the side of the bowl which takes priority.
除非马桶边上有沾着的屎，那个更优先。
the nod.
点头。
I’ve been going to the gym for a year now and there are about 5 other guys I see everyday there. We’ve never spoken a word but we all nod and acknowledging each other when one of us walks in. I’d consider them my gym friends.
我已经去了一年的健身房了，有五个兄弟我每天都会遇到。我们从没说过一句话，但是走进来的时候我们都会点头互相打个招呼。我认为他们是我的健身房朋友。
Yes. Downwards if you’re not that close, upwards if you are.
没错。你要是没那么熟我就向下点头，你要是熟我就抬下巴。
Down means “i acknowledge your presence non threateningly and am moving on, good day.”
往下点头的意思是“我意识到了你的在场，我对你没有威胁，我接着该干什么干什么。你好。”
往上抬下巴的意思要么是对朋友说“哟怎么着”，要么是对陌生人说“你需要我做什么事吗？/你想跟我说什么？”
If a man is with his young kids, you do not get to fuck with that man. You just wait until next time or whatever you have to but no, not today cause dude is with his little ones.
如果一个男人在带着他的小孩子，那你绝对不要去找他的茬。你等下次他只有一个人的时候，或者别的任何时候，但不能是今天，因为他在带着他家小的。
Don’t look at another man’s dick when you’re pissing
尿尿的时候别盯着别人的屌。
如果不小心看见了那倒没问题，但如果你故意看还被人发现了那你就完了兄弟
这跟恐同没关系，这是隐私和尊重边界的问题。同性恋的男人也不会在厕所里把屌露出来到处给别人看。
When she tells you she's not hungry for whatever you're ordering, order more cuz she'll definetly be eating your stuff.
如果她跟你说她不饿，那不论你点什么都多点点，因为她肯定会吃你的东西。
Don’t speak to me if I’m using the restroom
我上厕所的时候别跟我说话。
When driving a manual always ferociously wiggle the gear lever to make sure it’s in neutral before starting the engine. Twice.
开手动挡的时候一定要在发动引擎之前狠命晃两下档杆，确定挂在空挡。
always leave one urinal between you and the other guy
一定要在你和别的兄弟之间留一个便池。
这是男人之间的礼节。
Also eyes straight ahead and no talking
还有目视前方，不要聊天。
And if you can’t, never look at their donger.
如果非要聊天，也不要看他的唧唧。
Nor grab their donger
也不要去握他的唧唧。
To go with this...If there is 3 urinals you always take the ones oun the outside and only use the middle one if there is no other option available.
说到这个……如果有三个小便池，那你一定要用最靠外的那个。除非没得选，否则别用中间那个。
我有个同事总是用中间那个，即使两边的都空着。我不懂这种人。
If a woman you don't know approaches you and acts like an old friend, play along.
如果有个你不认识的女人像老朋友一样靠近你，跟着演下去。
I did this on a Metro North train one time, and at first, the group of guys were like "What the fuck is this girl doing?", and then I mouthed, "Please help me", and then one of them yelled, "Jessica my homegirl! What the fuck are you doing out tonight?!" They honestly saved me from such a bad situation, and I was so appreciative. BTW, my name is NOT Jessica but it made the whole scary situation SO funny.
我在大都会北方铁路上这么做过。一开始，那群男生满脸“这姑娘在干啥？”然后我用口型告诉他们，“帮帮我”，然后其中一个忽然大喊，“杰西卡！老妹儿！你他妈今晚怎么出来了？”他们真的把我从一个很糟糕的情况中拯救了出来，我非常感激。顺便，我也不叫杰西卡，但是这让那个非常吓人的情况变得特别好玩。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
When I was 20 I was getting off the tube in London and got a really eerie sense about a guy.
我20岁的时候，从伦敦的地铁下车，然后觉得一个男的非常怪。
我很确定他在跟着我，但我们两个人都在往站外走，所以我觉得自己可能是迫害妄想了。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
当时很晚了，已经是11点左右。出口很长，有好几个角落。我走的越快，他走得也越快。我最后开始跑向扶梯顶。
外面有两个男的在打发时间。我立刻往他们那里冲了过去。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
我一下抱住其中一个男人的腰，对他大声地说“不好意思我来晚了宝贝儿”。他立刻演了下去，“你怎么这么慢？我们等半天了。”
那个跟踪我们的家伙站在原地，看了我们三个一眼。他看上去很愤怒，但还是走了。
我的假男朋友也察觉到了邪恶。他为我感到害怕。他和他朋友跟我一起走了一段，等我打到车。
一星期之后，有一个女性在同一个站台被尾随了。她被拖进了一个花园，被强奸，被恶毒地袭击。
我们需要假装的男朋友。
Damn good on you that guy was able to thin quick and pick up on the situation quickly
那个兄弟能赶快想明白局势并且跟着你一起演，真的是太幸运了。
Had this happen to me when I was a young lad in college. Older woman came up to me on the street and latched my arm, said someone was following her in a car. Went to a nearby restaurant and she called a friend to pick her up. Car circled a few times then parked in the lot. I got up to ask him what up and he took off. She was grateful and got home safe with her friend.
我还在上大学的时候也遇见过这种事。有个老女人在街上遇见我，她抱住我的胳膊，跟我说有人在开着车跟踪她。我们走到附近的餐厅里，她给朋友打了个电话接她。哪辆车转了几圈，然后停在了停车场里。我站起来问他怎么了，他就走了。她很感激，跟着朋友安全地回到了家。
When you're playing video games at somebody else's house, you're Player 2. In your own home, you're Player 1
在别人家打游戏的时候，你永远是2号玩家。只有在你自己家，你才是1号玩家。
under no circumstances unless it's a life or death situation should you even think of purpously hurting a persons ballsack
除非生死关头，否则不论任何情况你都绝对不能蓄意伤害别人的蛋蛋。
You owe your buddy pizza and beer if he comes to help install/ move a tv, ceiling fan, something that requires two people. Until you get to around 30-35 then you need to hire someone.
如果你兄弟过来帮你装电视，搬电视，修吊扇，或者别的两个人才能干的事情，那你欠他一顿披萨和啤酒。除非你长大到30岁-35岁，那时你就得雇人来做这种事了。
When a girl walks infront of you on the stairs the floor is suddenly very interesting
当一个女孩在你的面前上台阶的时候，地板就会突然变得非常有趣。
I present, the 10 Commandments of Manhood.
我向你呈现，成年男人的十诫。
尔当在用夹子之前咔哒两下子。
尔当让别人别搁那瞎摆弄中控台上的空调。
尔当永远看着炉子里的火。
尔当永远与你兄弟保持一个小便池的距离。
尔当在车子或者烧烤架旁边围成一圈，讨论车子和烧烤架出的问题。
尔不应抱怨免费的啤酒。然而，可以抱怨温度。
尔不应与兄弟之前喜欢过的妹子发展浪漫关系。
尔当在遇见哥们的时候抬下巴，遇见陌生人的时候低头。
尔当铭记汝在车子里的地位。司机负责控制。副驾驶负责定位。后座的负责发零食。
尔永远不应伤害男性同胞的睾丸，除非情况极为紧迫。