有最喜欢的孩子吗（四）
Do parents have a favorite child?
译文简介
网友：有！每个父母都有一个最喜欢的孩子！然而，并不总是同一个孩子！我有4个孩子，分别是3、8、8、12岁。有时候，我12岁的女儿醒来时心情不好，迟迟不做上学的准备，当我默默地控制自己的愤怒时，她把我逼到了精神错乱的边缘，但这并没有让她行动更快，此时的她不是我的最爱......
正文翻译
Do parents have a favorite child?
?父母有最喜欢的孩子吗？
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Jo Stolp，项目经理/QS（2007年至今）
My grandmother raised us (my father remained a zombie for five years after my mother’s death, despite marrying a woman that I now consider 50% angel and 50% demon. I thank her for many things. I hate her for as many things.)
My baby brother went on a tour of Europe during high school, at a price of half my yearly university tuition, with a credit card that allowed him to spend a year’s accommodation and groceries (for me, as a student) in five weeks.
My sister (between me and baby brother)… She worked her way through university. She actually finished her degree. She emotionally supported me, and my brother, and my father, and my grandmother. Through the years, she’s substantially supported some of us financially, as well.
My husband is also first-born of three. Only boy. His first sister found her artistic passion in primary school, and worked hard at it. She was supported academically, deep into her 30s. At one point, my husband’s rent to live in his parents’ granny flat was her pocket money while she studied abroad.
My husband’s youngest sister is justifiably angry, independent, and ultra-competent.
Reasonably, we’re all different people, and we all see things differently. Another answer to this question has a lix to research that concluded that pretty much everyone believes a different sibling was the favourite.
我是三个孩子中的最大的（女）。我妈妈曾经告诉我，我是她最喜欢的人，是否指那一瞬间还是真实如此，我就不知道。在她第二次(第三次或者第四次)戒酒后，她在戒酒期间喝酒—这是很不合宜的，我发现了她的尸体。
我祖母养育了我们（在我母亲死后的五年，我父亲像僵尸一样活着，尽管娶了一个我现在认为一半是天使以及一半是恶魔的女人，我感谢她做了很多事情的同时也恨她做了很多事情。）
我的小弟弟在高中时去欧洲旅行，费用是我一年大学学费的一半，他有一张信用卡，可以在五周内（对我来说，作为一名学生）花掉一年的住宿费和杂费。
我的妹妹（排老二），她自食其力读完了大学，真的拿到了学位。她在情感上支持我、我的兄弟、我的父亲和我的祖母。这些年来，她在经济上也为我们中的一些人提供了大量支持。
我丈夫也是三个孩子中的最大的，而且是唯一的男孩。他的大姐在小学时就对艺术产生了热情，并努力学习。一直到30多岁，在学术上都有得到支持。有一段时间，我丈夫住在他父母奶奶家的公寓里的租金是她留学期间的零花钱。
我丈夫最小的妹妹无可非议地生气、独立，而且非常能干。
按理说，我们都是不同的人，对事物的看法也不同。这个问题的另一个答案与一项研究有关，该研究得出的结论是，几乎每个人都认为自己的兄弟姐妹是最受欢迎的。
埃博尼·哈里斯，心理学学士
Personal Story Time: My sister is beautiful and funny and smart, and her values, interests, style and career are aligned with what my family perceives as successful, well-adapted and something to be envied. My sister kept up with stylish, did things to be popular in school, studied math and science, and entered the healthcare industry. My mom would take my sister every weekend to get her hair pressed and to get her nails done. My dad would drive her to school every morning until she was old enough for them to buy her a new car, which she wrecked, and they bought her another. (I rode the school bus until I inherited my grandfather’s beater. My first new car was one I half paid for myself.)
In open constrast to my sister,Though I make enough to be independent and live well and travel, my career choice is not esteemed. I’m a librarian Anyhoo, my family views successful, reputable jobs as being in healthcare or being a lawyer, I wear what’s comfortable, keep my hair natural, and hate crowds (so never a party girl). my dad… well, he really only cared about the career part, and of course dads like to be able to brag about their “pretty” daughter.
我没有孩子，所以我不能回答这个问题，但作为一个哥哥，哈哈，是的，我的父母有一个最喜欢的孩子—我妹妹。事实上，她是大家庭的最爱。·
个人故事时间：我妹妹漂亮、有趣、聪明；她有自己的价值观、兴趣、风格和职业与我家人认为的成功相一致、适应能力强，令人羡慕。我妹妹紧跟潮流，在学校里做一些受欢迎的事情，学习数学和科学，进入医疗行业。我妈妈每个周末都会带我妹妹去烫头发和修指甲。我爸爸每天早上开车送她上学，直到她长大了，他们给她买了一辆新车，她撞坏后他们又给她买了一辆。（我一直坐校车，直到我继承了祖父的 打浆机，我自己付了一半的钱买我的第一辆车。）
与我姐姐形成鲜明对比，虽然我挣了足够的钱来独立生活和旅行，但我的职业并不受尊重—我是一名图书管理员，无论如何，我的家人认为成功的、有名望的工作应该是在医疗行业或律师行业。我穿舒适的衣服，头发自然，讨厌人群(所以我绝对不是“派对”女孩)。我爸爸真的只关心事业，当然爸爸们也喜欢炫耀他们的“漂亮”女儿。
My sister insists I’m the favorite, then later changed her tune to say, well, you’re mom’s favorite. I’m not. I simply talk to our mother more. My sister and I both live in different states from our parents now, and my sister hates staying in contact. I know it hurts our parents’ feelings, so I call them. But my mom talks about my sister and how worried she is. My dad and I talk, but my sister lets me know that when she DOES talk to him, he talks to her about me and what he believes are poor decisions I’m making. No, sis, you’re the favorite. They just want you to call more. Where I’d call and they’d miss it and wouldn’t return my call, they’d trip down the stairs trying to call her back. Same with our other relatives.
我姐姐会说一些我认为我不该听的话，比如父母给她施加压力，指望她成为一个成功的孩子。我爸爸会对我说一些话，表示他认为我会永远和他们住在一起。他甚至鼓励我继续做一份朝九晚五的最低工资的工作，认为我不会做得更好，当我在研究生院攻读一个他不懂的学位(美术硕士)时，他称赞我姐姐上了高水平的数学课程。他们所做和所说的许多事情都显示出存在明显的偏袒行为，但直到今天他们都否认了这一点。
我妹妹坚持说她是最受欢迎的，后来她改口说我是妈妈最受欢迎的。我不是，我只是和妈妈多聊几句。我妹妹和我现在都住在与父母不同的州，我姐姐讨厌保持联系。我知道这伤害了我们父母的感情，所以我打电话给他们。但是我妈妈谈到了她担心我妹妹。我爸爸和我聊天，但我姐姐跟他说话的时候会让我知道，他会和她谈论我以及他认为我正在做的糟糕决定。不，妹妹，你是最受欢迎的。他们只是想和你多打电话。如果我打电话给父母，他们会错过，不会回我的电话，但他们会跳着下楼梯试图给她回电话。我们的其他亲戚也一样。
I realize that their feelings are hurt when I say things like this, because they don’t want to admit it out loud, but yes. They favor my sister and probaly didn’t like me (though they loved me) all that much until I was finally able to display my success. But hey, I understand .
I think it might be hard for parents not to have a favorite, though they may fight not to show it, and certainly won’t say it (because who knows which kid will be there when they get very old). If someone does more things you like or agree with, you gravitate more toward them. It’s like having friends, close friends and best friends. It’s human nature.
我已经克服了这一点，因为多年来我建立了自尊。我就是我，不管你愿不愿意，我相信我做得很好。我很高兴我的成功让我的父母、妹妹和其他亲戚大吃一惊。我妈妈承认她对我的正常表现感到惊讶。（你会认为我是一个糟糕的孩子，无法通过学校或其他什么类别考试。不，他们只是不理解我。）我不再认为这是一种侮辱。我现在被他们认为是古怪的人，而不是像以前那样需要担心的人。
我意识到当我说这样的话时，他们的感情受到了伤害，因为他们不想大声承认，但确实如此。他们喜欢我的妹妹，可能不太喜欢我(尽管他们很爱我)，直到我终于能够展示我的成功。但是，嘿，我明白为什么。
我想父母们很难不喜欢自己的孩子，尽管他们可能会为了不表现出来而争吵，当然也不会说出来(因为谁知道当他们老了的时候哪个孩子会在那里)。如果有人做了更多你喜欢或同意的事情，你就会更倾向于喜欢他们。这就像存在朋友，亲密的朋友和最好的朋友区别一样，这是人的本性。
We can’t generalize all parents based on some. I myself am an only child, but I have three stories of favouritism:
Story #1: My grandparents
They had 8 children and since I was little, I’ve always known which ones were their favourites. Not only because it was so obvious, but also because they verbally announced it to any listening ears.
My grandfather passed away before I was born, but my older relatives and family friends told me how he favoured the fourth and seventh children. They think the reason was because they were carbon copies of him, both in appearance and in demeanour. I’ve heard tales of how he spoiled them rotten by persistently catering to their whims, which he very rarely did with his other children. He would be at odds with my grandmother on many occasions for refusing to let my grandmother discipline his golden children, which again he hardly ever did for the other children.
My grandmother was very superstitious, I’ve heard the story of “The Fortune Teller’s Predictions That Came True” about a billion times. When she was a teenager, a 99 year-old fortune teller told her that one day my grandmother will give birth to 8 children, 5 boys and 3 girls. All of which eerily came true. She also prophesied that the two children who will love my grandmother the most are child #5, who is female, and child #6, a male. Her fifth child did turn out to be a girl and the sixth a boy with whom she was the closest.
I’m certain you can guess which children of hers turned out to be her favourites. It’s not that my grandmother never did anything for her other children, she had helped all of her children in different ways at some points in their lives. However the amount of time or help each children received from her were vastly different that it caused the “other children” to feel unworthy and even unwanted. As they grew older, I noticed they pulled away from their mother and some became bitter towards her and stopped seeing her altogether.
我们不能根据一些结论来概括所有的父母—我自己是独生子，但我有三个偏袒方面的故事：
故事一：我的祖父母
他们有8个孩子，从我很小的时候起，我就知道哪些孩子是他们最喜欢的。这不仅是因为它是如此明显，而且因为他们向任何倾听它的人宣布了它。
我的祖父在我出生前就去世了，但我的年长亲戚和家庭朋友告诉我他是如何偏爱第四个和第七个孩子的。他们认为原因是因为他们无论外表还是举止方面都是他的复制品。我听过一些故事，说他是如何通过不断迎合他们的奇思妙想而把他们宠坏的，而他很少对其他孩子这样做。他在很多场合与我祖母意见相左，因为他拒绝让我祖母管教受他喜爱的孩子，同时他也很少管教其他孩子。
我的祖母非常迷信，我已经听过无数次“算命先生的预言成真”的故事了。当她十几岁时，一位99岁的算命师告诉她，总有一天我的祖母会生下8个孩子:5个男孩和3个女孩。所有这些都不可思议地成为了现实。她还预言，最爱我祖母的两个孩子是第五个女孩和第六个男性。她的第五个孩子是一个女孩，第六个孩子是一个男孩，祖母和他最亲近。
我相信你能猜出她最喜欢的孩子是谁。这并不是说我祖母从来没有为其他孩子做过任何事情，她在孩子们生命中的某些阶段以不同的方式帮助过他们。然而，每个孩子从她那里得到的时间和帮助却大不相同，这让“其他孩子”感到被偏心对待，甚至不受欢迎。随着他们年龄的增长，我注意到他们疏远了他们的母亲，有些人变得对她充满怨恨，完全不再见她。
Note: All the names are changed to protect the privacies of everyone involved
Madeleine is a friend of mine who was treated unfavourably and unfairly by her parents. All her lives, she craved her parents’ approval and love. While they did care for her and supplied all of her physical needs, they were very cold, distant, and abusive towards her. One day, her mother gave birth to another girl, Faustine, who was loved and cherished since day one.
Madeleine showed me the discolouration on both of her arms, she’s got tanned arms with tiny white marks all over. I’ve always thought they were caused by sunburn or old scars from insect bites. Turned out she got them when she was younger as a result of the numerous times her mother pinched her arm skin using sharp fingernails until she drew blood. “Punishment for when I couldn’t memorize something correctly.” She couldn't contain her tears while recalling the painful memory. Faustine, on the other hand, had never been hit no matter how bad her mistakes were.
Her parents pressured Madeleine to do well at school, she would get reprimanded, grounded, yelled at, and even hit when she failed to get good grades. This caused her to be extremely hardworking and even a tad perfectionist. Meanwhile Faustine continued to fail academically, and instead of punishing her, her parents encouraged her to find her passion and have always been very patient with her.
Her parents also showered Faustine with a life of luxury, they bought her many expensive items. Faustine is much younger than Madeleine, but Madeleine gets her old cell phones. Now, Madeleine grew to be an independent and responsible adult. Faustine is all grown up too in her mid 20’s, still mooching off her parents and have demonstrated inabilities to make mature decisions because she’s used to having people do things for her.
故事二：玛德琳
注：所有名称均已更改，以保护所有相关人员的隐私
马德琳是我的一个朋友，她的父母对她不公平、不友好。她一生都渴望得到父母的认可和爱。虽然他们确实关心她，满足了她的所有生理需求，但他们对她非常冷漠、疏远和虐待。某天，她的母亲生下了另一个女孩—福斯汀，她从出生的第一天起就被爱和珍爱。
玛德琳给我看了她双臂上的不同肤色，她那晒黑的手臂上满是细小的白色斑点。我一直认为它们是由晒伤或虫咬留下的旧伤疤引起的。结果证明是在她年轻的时候，她的母亲多次用锋利的指甲掐她的手臂直到出血。“当我不能正确记住某件事时，这就是惩罚。”回忆起那段痛苦的记忆时，她忍不住流下了眼泪。另一方面，福斯汀从来没有被打过—不管她犯多严重的错误。
她的父母向玛德琳施压，要求她在学校表现出色，当她没有取得好成绩时，她会被斥责，被禁足，被吼，甚至被打。这使得她非常努力，甚至有点完美主义。与此同时，福斯汀业持续失败，她的父母没有惩罚她，而是对她很有耐心，一直鼓励她找回激情。
她的父母也给福斯汀带来了奢侈的生活，他们给她买了很多昂贵的东西。福斯汀比马德琳年轻得多，但马德琳用她的旧手机。现在，玛德琳成长为一个独立、负责任的成年人。福斯汀在20多岁的时候也已经长大了，她仍然占她父母的便宜，她已经证明自己无法做出成熟的决定，因为她已经习惯了让别人为她做事。
Note: All the names are changed to protect the privacies of everyone involved
The first member of the Kingsley family that I came in contact with was Gregg. One night, I was invited to a dinner with Gregg’s family, I noticed how differently he was treated. The parents would speak to his older and younger brothers in calm, respectful tone, but they looked and sounded annoyed when talking to Gregg.
Gregg gets blamed for everything that went wrong by everyone, including by his brothers.
When Gregg warned people not to order too much food, “Shut up, Gregg! Don’t be stingy! You’re not the one who’s going to pay the bill.” - Gregg’s older brother
When our food didn’t come out for a long time, “Gregg! Why did you suggest us to have dinner at such a slow service restaurant? We’re hungry!” -Gregg’s mother
故事三：金斯利夫妇
注：所有名称均已更改，以保护所有相关人员的隐私
我接触到的金斯利家族的第一个成员是格雷格（Gregg）。一天晚上，我被邀请与格雷格的家人共进晚餐，我注意到他受到的待遇有多么不同。父母会以平静、恭敬的口吻与他的哥哥和弟弟说话，但与格雷格说话时，看起来就很恼火。
格雷格因为他人的错误而受到指责，包括他的兄弟。
当格雷格警告人们不要点太多食物时，“闭嘴，格雷格！不要吝啬！你不是付账的人。”—格雷格的哥哥。
当我们的食物很长一段时间没有出来时，“格雷格！你为什么建议我们在服务如此慢的餐厅吃饭？我们饿了！”—格雷格的母亲。
When it turned out that Gregg was right all along and they did indeed order too much food, he was the one tasked to finish the leftover food. Nobody ever apologized to Gregg.
Gregg is a bit of a pushover, he lets people walk all over him. I’ve known Gregg and his family for a long time now and I’ve noticed how his parents are always indifferent towards him, while they always worry about and try their best to help the other two sons. As I got to know them better, it turned out that the parents favour the eldest son. The difference in treatment was so apparent that Gregg’s younger brother got jealous and acted out. The parents still show partiality towards the oldest son, but pacify the youngest son by giving in to his every demands as they fear he might fall deeper in a self-destructive mode. Gregg still gets forgotten and ignored most of the times.
I met Gregg’s extended family multiple times and I found out that The Kingsleys are not discreet about playing favourite. It runs in the family. Gregg’s grandparents also have a child that is the obvious favourite. The golden child gets things from the parents that the other children can only dream of. It caused tensions within the family, they can’t enjoy a close family relationship. The siblings despise each other and are unable to trust one another as they all secretly wish to be THE parents’ favourite.
当一些食物令人失望时，“我们不应该听格雷格的建议，格雷格不知道什么是好食物！我打赌他选择这个地方只是因为这是他能想到的最便宜的地方，吝啬的混蛋！”—格雷格的弟弟
当结果证明格雷格一直都是对的，而且他们确实点了太多的食物时，他是负责吃完剩菜的人—没有人向格雷格道歉。
格雷格有点容易被人摆布，他让别人欺负他。我认识格雷格和他的家人很长时间了，我注意到他的父母总是对他漠不关心，而他们总是担心并尽力帮助其他两个儿子。随着我对他们越来越了解，发现父母都喜欢长子。如此明显的待遇上的差异导致格雷格的弟弟嫉妒并采取行动。这对父母仍然偏爱长子，但要安抚最小的儿子，满足他的所有要求，因为他们担心他可能会陷入更深的自我毁灭模式，格雷格在大多数情况下仍然被遗忘和忽视。
我见过格雷格的大家庭好几次，我发现金斯利一家在偏袒方面并没做到不引人注目，它在家庭中表现得十分明显。格雷格的祖父母也有一个他们最喜欢的孩子。最受欢迎的那个孩子从父母那里得到了其他孩子梦想中东西。这导致了家庭内部的紧张气氛，导致他们无法享受亲密的家庭关系。兄弟姐妹彼此看不惯，无法相互信任，因为他们都暗暗希望成为父母的宠儿。
Vanessa Anne，精神科护士
Every parent has a favorite child! However, it’s not always the same child!
I have 4 kids… ages 3,8,8,12. Sometimes my 12 year old wakes up in a bad mood and drags her feet getting ready for school, driving me to the brink of insanity as I silently control my rage, because that doesn’t NOT make her move any faster…. She is NOT my favorite at that time.
I get the 2 8 year old boys up and ready for school! They are already fighting over why one boy has to poop EVERY MORNING!! They are fighting over why the other boy never wears his school shirt or who gets to wear the Captain America pjs that night! They are NOT my favorite at that time…
My toddler gets up and apparently he woke up on the wrong side of the bed because even saying good morning to him makes him cry! He has a tantrum because I won’t let him feed his chocolate poptart to the dogs or give him M&M’s for breakfast. He wants to go outside and wait for the bus with his brothers, but refuses to put on a hat and coat and it’s 10 degrees out! He is NOT my favorite at that time!!
Now usually these scenarios don’t all happen in one day. It’s almost inevitable that at least one kid is going to have an issue in the morning. They are NOT my favorite that morning.
However, some days my daughter’s teacher calls me to tell me something she did for a fellow student that was above and beyond! She’s my favorite in that moment!!
One of the boys shares his video game with my toddler keeping him occupied for 45 minutes while I’m cooking dinner! He’s my favorite at that time!!
I tell the kids I’m leaving for school and I have a test, one of the older boys tells me Good luck and get a 100%!! He’s my favorite at the time!!
My toddler wants to snuggle up with me, kisses me, He’s my favorite at that time!!
有！
每个父母都有一个最喜欢的孩子！然而，并不总是同一个孩子！
我有4个孩子，分别是3、8、8、12岁。有时候，我12岁的女儿醒来时心情不好，迟迟不做上学的准备，当我默默地控制自己的愤怒时，她把我逼到了精神错乱的边缘，但这并没有让她行动更快，此时的她不是我的最爱。
我让2个8岁的男孩起床准备上学！他们已经在争论为什么其中一个男孩每天早上要大便！他们在争论为什么另一个男孩从不穿校服，或者为那天晚上谁可以穿美国队长的睡衣而争论！当时的他们就不是我最喜欢的。
我蹒跚学步的孩子起床后，似乎醒来时心情不好，因为即使对他说“早上好”也会让他哭！他因为我不让他把巧克力馅饼喂狗，也不让他早餐吃巧克力豆而生气。他想出去和他的兄弟们一起等公共汽车，但拒绝戴上帽子和外套—外面已经10度了！那时他就不是我最喜欢的！！
通常情况下，这些场景不会在一天内全部发生。几乎不可避免的是，至少有一个孩子早上会出状况，那天早上我就不喜欢他们。
然而，有几天，我女儿的老师打电话给我，告诉我她为一位同学做了一件超乎寻常的事！那一刻她是我最喜欢的！！
其中一个男孩和我蹒跚学步的孩子分享他的电子游戏，他让我有45分钟的空闲时间做饭！我当时最喜欢他！
我告诉孩子们我要去上学了，我有一个考试，一个大一点的男孩告诉我祝我好运，并得到满分！我当时最喜欢他！
我蹒跚学步的孩子想依偎在我身边，亲吻我，我当时最喜欢他！