婚礼上的哪一刻让你觉得“这一对儿久不了”？
What wedding moment made you think: “They are not going to last long”?
译文简介
爱情有风险，结婚需谨慎。
正文翻译
What wedding moment made you think: “They are not going to last long”?
婚礼上的哪一刻让你觉得“这一对儿久不了”？
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Sorry for the length, but it's worth the read, trust me.
抱歉写了这么长，但是值得读完，相信我。
我妈妈有个朋友住在旁边那条街，她家的孩子和我家兄弟姐妹差不多大。我们两家的妈妈是在生产的时候相遇的，因为这段经历而产生了交集，所以我们还小的时候两家孩子经常在一起玩。就在那时，我们已经发现了他们家挺穷的。
快进到我20岁出头的时候，我和我妈一起做写真生意，婚礼是生意的大部头。我妈妈有一天突然给我打电话，问我要不要在那年夏天参加T的婚礼，T是她那个朋友家的一个孩子，和我同岁。我已经有10年没见过这孩子了，所以我说了不去，因为我跟他没什么关系，没必要掺和他的婚礼。她再三恳求，说因为他实在没有朋友。我放弃了，接受了请求。她把婚纱照当做我们送他们的礼物，并且婚礼已经决定了。
婚礼也挺穷的。他的牙都烂了，尽管他刚二十岁出头，而他的妻子是一个控制欲极强的人，穷得两吊钱都抠不出来。我帮忙做了所有的计划准备工作，并且在他们有限的预算下给了他们一点帮助，因为我们在业内有不少人脉。
最终到了婚礼的这一天。
教堂里一切都还不错，但我们到晚宴的时候，新娘突然没来由地说她想要一辆白色豪车载着他们从晚宴现场去城里的希尔顿酒店。当然，所有的豪车都是提前一年预定的，希尔顿更是只能预定，但伴郎（新浪的哥哥）还是尽量实现她的愿望，但他也只能用自己的信用卡，因为他也破产了。她在意识到这件事不可能发生之后，就彻底发火了，把面纱和头巾带着一把头发扯了下来。她冲进了负责餐饮的后台并开始尖叫。她的新郎跟在她后头跑了进去，我们能听见他们在里面争执。
忽然传出一声凄厉的惨叫，新郎用肩膀把对开门撞开，从后台冲了出来。一柄切蛋糕的刀把他的手捅了个对穿，血到处都是。他的新娘一脚把他绊倒在地上，把他手上的刀拔出来（我草，那个声音啊！）。她马上就要再捅一刀下去，我和伴郎一高一低给了她两下。你肯定觉得两个大男人能够控制住这个来自深渊的恶魔，但并非如此。新郎站了起来，飞速冲刺到停车场，她也摆脱了我们两个的控制追着新郎跑。新郎开着车打算逃离这个地方，新娘跳到车顶拽着雨刷，好像在演电影一样。新郎倒车开出停车场，然后猛往左打舵，她就被从车上甩了下去，仰面朝天摔在了路边。于是她就躺在那里，大声地嚎哭。
结果她是决定让婚礼这一天成为她不吃心理治疗药物的第一天，因为她不想在婚礼这天“阴郁”。我妈和我收拾好自己的东西就走了，因为很显然一切都结束了。
My wife’s brother just got married this past May. Bride’s mother is a big DIY person and went a little nuts with extra flowers, table pieces, decorations, etc… Note I said extra, it was already decorated by the venue, she just took it upon herself to buy and add way more stuff.
我妻子的兄弟今年五月份刚结婚。新娘的母亲很喜欢DIY，所以就做了额外的一些花篮，桌面装饰和其他的装饰品。我说的是额外的，因为场地已经做了这些装饰，她只是把这活揽到了自己身上，买了一大堆东西往上放。
反正前几周她给我岳母（新郎的母亲）发了一封电邮，里面是她买的所有那些东西的收据（总价值7000美元！）让她付一半的钱，因为那些东西都是排练晚餐的时候给宾客们享受的。这让新婚夫妇产生了巨大的分歧，因为新娘站她妈妈这一边。
Gosh - help, when unasked for, can be the absolute worst!
天哪——不请自来的帮助，可以是最糟糕的！
My wife got invited to a client's daughter's wedding. The couple were both drama students. Many of the bridal party were drama students. The maid-of-honour's toast consisted of tearful declarations of unrequited love to the groom, along the lines of 'if it couldn't be me, I'm glad it's my best friend that's marrying you'. The best-man's speech was a lusty declaration of 'if it doesn't work out, call me, babe... like the previous time you called me.' Other toasts were similarly weird. A guy at the table I was seated at was a friend of the bride and said to me that he was 'this close' to standing up during the 'speak now or forever hold your peace' thing. I'm still not sure if the whole thing was a bunch of emotionally fucked-up 20-year-olds, or one big piece of performance art.
我老婆受邀参加了她的一个客户的女儿的婚礼。新人都是戏剧专业的学生。很多婚礼上的宾客也都是戏剧专业的学生。伴娘的致辞是满含热泪的对新郎的爱，还有“假如最终不是我，我很欣慰嫁给你的是我最好的朋友”。伴郎的演讲是辞藻华丽的“假如你俩不行的话，就给我打电话吧宝贝儿……像你上次给我打的那样。”其他致辞也同样诡异。我坐的那一桌有个人是新娘的朋友，他对我说在“如果还有谁对这段感情有异议，要么现在说出来，要么永远安静”那段话的时候他离站起来就差“这么一点点”。我现在也搞不懂整个婚礼到底是一群情感上烂透了的20岁小孩的聚会，还是一场大规模的表演艺术。（译注：上面那段话是经典的婚礼现场第三者站出来自白的戏码）
I did my undergraduate degree in Literature and there was a lot of overlap with the Drama students. None of this surprises me in the least. They were always bragging about how 'incestuous'* they were.
我本科学的是文学，有不少和学戏剧的人的交集。我看了这些一点都不觉得惊讶。他们总是在吹嘘他们有多【排外】。
【意思是他们彼此都互相睡过。】
Drama school's graduate program in my university had only 13 students and they had all slept with each other within first 6 months of their 2 year course, and then it was 1 and half years of pure drama inside as well as outside of their classroom. It was one of our best entertainments.
我这所大学戏剧学院的研究生项目只有13个人，他们在这段为期两年的课程的前六个月就互相把每个人都睡了个遍，然后就是课堂内外长达一年半的纯粹的戏剧。那是我们最喜欢的娱乐之一。
I was maid of honour. Me, best man and the couple went into a separate little room to do the signing stuff. Bride excused herself to go the bathroom and the groom started making pretty mean remarks about her cooking (sth she's passionate about) to the officiary. She came back, heard they were talking about cooking family meals together and gave him the warmest smile, thinking he had praised her. He scoffed awkwardly and changed the topic. That always stuck with me. He wasn't laughing WITH her but AT her, behind her back.
我当时是伴娘。我，伴郎和新婚夫妇去了一个单独的小房间做签名之类的事情。新娘去了趟洗手间，新郎开始对她烹饪的水平（她很喜欢烹饪）做出很难听的点评。她回来之后还以为他们在聊一起烹饪家庭餐点，给了他最温暖的笑容，她还以为他在表扬她。他尴尬地咳了一声，换了个话题。这段记忆总是让我挥之不去。他不是在与她一起欢笑，而是在她背后嘲笑她。
这段婚姻持续了七个月。
I'm reminded of someone I read about maybe 20 years ago, a college professor who developed a protocol for predicting whether prospective marriages were likely to last. IIRC he had the engaged couple discuss some tender issues, topics they would fight about. They would videotape the session, then research assistants would watch the tape, counting the various interactions of note. That data produced their prediction.
我想起了大概20年前我读过的某个人，是一个大学教授，他研发出了一个预测某段婚姻能否长远的协议。假如我没记错的话，他会让一对夫妻探讨某个话题，那种他们会争论的话题。他们会把这段对话录下来，然后研究助理会看这段录像，将各种值得注意的交互记录下来。他们从这些数据归纳出了结论。
他的研究表明争论并非最严重的问题；很多幸福长久的婚姻都有大量的争论。
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最关键的一点是夫妻双方在争论的时候是否互相尊重。显而易见的不尊重是短命的婚姻非常直白的标记之一。
我在约会的时候一直记着这一点。假如我觉得她在任何一点对我表达了不屑，那就是很严重的警告。有一段关系是我意识到我在对她不尊重的时候结束的。我对我自己说你得温柔一点。过了一段时间我发现我就是对她尊重不起来——这是非常严重的一个问题。
在1995年BBC的“傲慢与偏见”剧集中，父亲说过一段话，类似“我没办法保证你能拥有这段婚姻，丽莎，你甚至不能尊敬你的配偶（像我的婚姻一样）。”
我有过两任前妻。她们都让我的心碎过。我会永远因为无法让这两段婚姻长久而感到难过。但我仍然能因为我们在结婚之后直到今天仍然彼此尊敬而感到一丝快乐，分别已经过了37年和15年。
Wedding videographer here, I think my favorite moment was when I was sitting at the miscellaneous table with all the randoms and the girl next to me, the grooms ex, drunkenly admitted to sleeping with the groom a few months prior
我是婚礼摄影师。我觉得我最喜欢的瞬间就是坐在放各种东西的桌子前面的时候，挨着我坐的人，新郎的前任，在酒后承认她几个月前还睡过新郎。
I was at a wedding. I was a plus one for my date. The bride sat down drunk at our table and started talking to us. She then told me that she slept with her ex right before walking down the aisle. She fucked her ex in her wedding dress in the bridal suite. She then downed the last of my drink and went off to the dance floor. I was left speechless. I didn't know anyone but my date. Less than a year later the bride and groom were divoreced.
我参加过一个婚礼。是我对象受邀之后带我去的。新娘喝醉之后坐在我们这一桌开始和我们聊天。于是她告诉我她就在走上红毯之前和她前任睡了。她在洞房里穿着婚纱和她前任干了一炮。然后她喝了最后一杯酒去舞池了。我一句话都说不出来。我除了我对象谁也不认识。不到一年之后新郎和新娘就分手了。
I was at a wedding when a phone went off during the ceremony.
我参加的那场婚礼突然有人电话响了。
是在交换誓词的过程中。
响的是新郎的电话。
新郎接了电话。
现在他们离婚了。
编辑：我记得是哪个表亲打电话过来问他们是不是来晚了。
Unless he's a premiere surgeon or other some sort of indispensable doctor, why the fuck did he even have his phone on him? I didn't have mine
除非他是个顶级外科医师或者什么别的无法替代的一生，不然他为什么要随身携带手机啊？我自己都没带。
This is so absurd it's comical
这也太啥比了简直像漫画了
My brother’s ex-wife. Throughout the exchange of vows, she was looking at everyone but my brother, making sure all eyes were on her. Later, she instructed the photographer (a family friend who was cheap) to “mingle” and get shots of people “being happy”. Within 10 minutes, she’d summoned the photographer back shouting, “Whose wedding is this?! I meant get shots of people being happy for me.”
我兄弟的前妻。在交换誓词的全过程中，她都在看着除了我兄弟之外的所有人，保证全场目光都聚集在她一个人的身上。不久，她让摄影师（一个家庭里面的朋友）和大家“一起玩”，拍几张大家“开心”的照片。没过十分钟，她就把摄影师叫过来对他大吼：“这是谁的婚礼？！我的意思是拍大家因为我而开心的照片。”
编辑：我以为我加上了——她出轨之后他们两个就离婚了。显然，这场她急着要完成的婚姻只有在给她带来关注的时候才是好的。
When the bride drank vodka out of a pint glass and spent a significant amount of time making out with another guy on the dance floor.
在我看见新娘拿着啤酒杯干了一杯伏特加之后，和另一个男人在舞池跳了很长时间的舞的时候。
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The bachelor party and the Bachelorette party were in Vegas at the same time. Across the hall from each other. The bride and groom got in a huge fight on the last night of the trip and when I was leaving I said "I'll see you guys at the wedding" to the groom and he replied "I'm not sure there's gonna be one."
单身派对是在拉斯维加斯同时举行的。两个派对就隔着一道走廊。新郎和新娘在那次旅行的最后一天晚上很猛地吵了一架，我走的时候对新郎说“婚礼那天见”，他回答说“我不太确定还会不会有婚礼”。
婚礼确实举办了，但我记得18个月之后他们就离婚了。
At my boyfriend's sisters wedding the groom got drunk before the vows and smoked weed after the vows. Was crossfaded as hell and made a fool of himself. When we went up to congratulate them after, she refused to be near him or take pictures with him. It was awkward.
我男朋友的姐妹的婚礼上，新郎在婚礼誓词之前喝醉了，在誓词之后又吸了大麻。嗨得跟什么似的，出了不少洋相。我们之后去诸恶他们的时候，她拒绝站在他旁边或是和他合影。当时很尴尬。
在致辞之后基本上大家都走了。家人仍然在一起开礼物。有人送了高档的香槟，新郎想开瓶，结果香槟碎了。新娘哭喊着跺着脚走了。新郎就生气了，对着空气骂人。
他们仍然去佛罗里达度了蜜月，她几乎是马上就怀孕了。大概是海运七个月之后，她就把他踢出了家，因为他和她的室友睡了。他们在孩子六个月大的时候离婚了。
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但这已经是最好的结局了，那男的就是个人渣，并且因为在婚礼那天过分自私，他浪费了很多钱。
Two friends of mine got married, and when they gave their vows, the guy started laughing at the part about being faithful. Oops.
我有两个朋友结婚了。在交换誓词的时候，男的在忠贞的那段开始笑。啊哦。
I once watched a livestream of the wrong Vegas wedding (the lix I was given for a friend's wedding was incorrect) and during the exchange of vows, the groom got to the part about being faithful, and the bride visibly and audibly chuckled.
我看了另一场拉斯维加斯的婚礼的直播（别人给我的我朋友的婚礼直播链接给错了），在交换誓词的时候，新郎说到忠贞的那段，新娘很明显地笑出了声。
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当时看着很好笑，但我打赌他们长久不了。
When the groom went in for the kiss after their vows and the bride presented her cheek instead. They divorced less than a year later after it was discovered she had been cheating on him pretty much their entire relationship. I hope you're doing better Isaac.
新郎在交换誓词之后吻新娘，新娘伸出去的是脸颊而不是嘴唇。不到一年之后他们就离婚了，结果在关系一开始她就在出轨。我希望你现在好一些了，艾萨克。
The groom and best man had a dancing routine for getting into the church ceremony and they got nearly halfway through it and I guess the groom felt they hadn't received much applause and wows from us the attendees and decided to go back to the entrance and start all over. Sigh...
新郎和伴郎设计了跳着舞走进教堂的情节，他们两个跳到一半，然后我猜可能是新郎觉得他们没听到我们观众这边的掌声和叫好，就决定回到入场的那边再开始一遍。哎……
That's pretty cringeworthy. "Hmm, people don't seem to be enjoying this.... I'd better stop, and start again from the beginning!"
这还挺尴尬的。“嗯……大家好像都不太喜欢这个啊……我还是停下吧，从头再来！”
I just remember the side eyes we were all giving each other also I should add the person in charge of the music was the last to figure it out so you can imagine the weird pause after the 2 men walked back to the church entrance with the music still going on and someone trying to tell the people at the front to start the song again. Absolute cringe.
我只记得我们彼此交换的困惑目光，我还应该补充一点，负责音乐的那个是最后发现的，所以你可以想象一下在那两个男的走回教堂入口之后音乐却仍然在播放，有人在试着告诉前面的人重新把音乐播放一遍。绝对尴尬。
Prior to my wedding I’d asked my husband to practice dancing with me because I’m uncoordinated, due to a disability. He blew me off and said we’d be fine. As we were dancing, he spoke in my ear, not even quietly. “What are you doing? What’s wrong with you? You’re embarrassing me!!” We lasted 2 years. Leaving was the best decision I ever made.
在我婚礼之前，我让丈夫和我排练一下跳舞，因为我身体有残疾四肢不太协调。他拒绝了我，说我们没问题。在我们跳舞的时候，他冲着我的耳朵，甚至没压低嗓子说，“你在干什么呢？你怎么了？你这是在让我难堪！！”我们过了两年。离婚是我能做的最好的决定。
When the bride tried to playfully feed the groom some cake, pulling it back once it got close to his mouth. The third time she did this, he slapped it out of her hand and stormed off.
新娘想要喂新郎一口蛋糕，在蛋糕靠近新郎的嘴的时候把蛋糕拿走。第三次把蛋糕拿走的时候，他把蛋糕从她手上拍了下去，怒气冲冲地离开了。
在尴尬的沉默和瞪大眼睛的注视之中，我们都知道这段婚姻没办法长久。
令人惊讶的是，他们在一起过了将近两年，最后新娘是和她的继兄弟出轨的。谁也没想到。
Thats a weird pornhub plot
这剧情还挺P站的。
The bride and groom did the first dance then spent the rest of their reception completely apart from each other getting shit-faced with their own separate friend-groups. The only other dancing all night was the bride dancing with her high school friends, the father-daughter dance and the mother-son dance, during which the groom was crying. The best man's speech didn't mention the bride at all and basically boiled down to "Groom, you're married now but our bond is older and stronger, all of our hunting and fishing trips together are the best thing in our lives, can't wait for more." Such a sad, desperate atmosphere. They made it a little over one year.
新娘和新郎只跳了第一支舞，随后整场婚礼他们都离彼此远远的，在自己的朋友圈子里面臭着脸。此后的舞只有新娘和她高中的朋友的舞，父亲和女儿的舞，以及母亲和儿子的舞，新郎还哭了。伴郎的致辞根本一句都没提新娘，基本上就是“新郎，虽然你今天结婚了，但我们之间的友谊却更悠久，更深刻了，我们去打猎和钓鱼的经历是这辈子最棒的经历，等不及再整点儿了。”如此令人难过，绝望的氛围。他们勉强撑过了一年。
I used to be a wedding singer and I played a wedding like that once. We had a hard time figuring out who the groom was because he was never anywhere near the bride. The first dance was delayed because the wedding planner had such a hard time getting the two of them in the same place at the same time. Afterwards they both stayed on opposite ends of the ballroom. In the 6 hours of the reception I don't think they ever spoke to one another.
我以前是婚礼的驻唱歌手，我参加过一场类似的婚礼。我们当时很难找出来谁是新郎，因为他总是离新娘远远的。第一支舞推迟了，因为婚礼策划没办法在同一时间把两个人弄到同一个地方去。跳完舞之后他们就站在舞池的两端。在整场婚礼的六小时中我不觉得他们彼此说过话。
The entire bridal party, including parents of the wedded couple, entering in to a betting pool of how long the marriage would last, at the wedding reception.
整场婚礼，包括新人双方的家属，在婚礼上都参加了一场打赌，赌这两个人的婚姻能坚持多久。
我没记错的话最后是伴郎赢了，十四个月。
They were together since junior high, and would break up and "reconcile" every 3-6 months. Everyone was just sick of it, friends and family, and the marriage (at age 19 in the summer between freshman/sophomore year at college) was obviously an attempt to force the relationship to stick.
他们从初中就在一起了，每过三到六个月就要分一次手然后再“复合”。所有人都累了，不论是朋友还是家人。这场婚姻（是19岁这年的夏天，大学大一大二之间的暑假）显然是为了让他们两个关系坚持久一点。
结果并没有。但至少没生出孩子。
我得说其实除了新郎和新娘没打赌之外所有人都来打赌了。那可真的……太有意思了。
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When he smashed the cake in her face and hair, then went off drinking with his buddies. In 12 weeks, she filed. Good thing I didn't buy an expensive gift.
我看见他把蛋糕拍在她的脸和头发上，然后和他的好哥们出去喝酒了。过了12个星期她就跑了。很幸运我没买什么昂贵的礼物。
I'm a wedding photographer and I have a few of these.
我是个婚礼摄影师，我有一些经历。
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有一对非常年轻，没约过多久的夫妻说什么另一半“完美”，“我们从没吵过架”。
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有骂人的。我最尴尬的是那个“因为我们太懂彼此了，在一起太舒服了，他拿蠢婊子当做我的外号。”他们没能坚持一周年。
还有一场婚礼基本就是新郎在宣传自己的乐队。他甚至“给自己的新娘唱了一首歌”，结果只是他在用经典歌曲秀他的音域。新娘半道跑上舞台加入了他们，他看起来因为自己得和新娘分享聚光灯而感到很生气。他们过了差不多两年（他睡了乐队里的另一个歌手）。
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