你认识的最聪明的人做过的最蠢的事是什么样的？
Think of the smartest person you know, what is the dumbest thing they’ve ever done?
译文简介
看个乐呵，对聪明人还是要respect的
正文翻译
Think of the smartest person you know, what is the dumbest thing they’ve ever done?
你认识的最聪明的人做过的最蠢的事是什么样的？
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My friend has a master's degree in mechanical engineering and robotics. He once made a potato salad with raw potatoes because he thought, since it's a salad, you're not supposed to cook it.
我朋友有机电工程与自动化的硕士学位。他有一次用生土豆做了个土豆沙拉，因为他觉得，因为这玩意儿是沙拉，所以你不能往里放熟的东西。
This. This is the kind of real world practical thing my friend would screw up. I love it.
太对了。这就是那种我的朋友会在现实世界里弄不明白的事情。我太喜欢了。
I have a friend who did something along these lines. He is/was overweight and on a diet. We stopped at some place to get lunch, he gets a side of pea salad. (Same as potato salad, tuna salad, chicken salad. One main ingredient with a shit ton of mayo and some cheese.)
我也有个朋友做过类似的事情。他现在/曾经体重超标，所以在吃减肥餐。我们找了个地方吃午餐，他点了一份豌豆沙拉。（和土豆沙拉，金枪鱼沙拉，鸡肉沙拉一样。一种主要成分，然后加上tm一吨的蛋黄酱，再来点奶酪。）
我就说，哥们……你不是减肥吗？他说，啥？？？然后我指了指他的那一大杯豌豆沙拉，说“你应该知道这里头有50%都是蛋黄酱对吧？这对你没好处的，至少对你的减肥计划没好处。”
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他回答，“就，但这是沙拉，对吧？”
编辑：我只是想说一下我自己也不是什么健康楷模，但我知道假如你想减肥的话你肯定不能吃一大堆的蛋黄酱。哈哈哈哈
My MIL is morbidly obese and says she can't lose weight even when she eats nothing but salads. I went over hers once and she made a salad for dinner.. the only 'salad' item in it was iceberg lettuce which is basically water, the rest of it was just cold meat and mayonnaise. Eughhh
我岳母胖得吓人，她说就算她除了沙拉什么都不吃她也没办法减肥。有一天我去她家，她晚餐给我做了一份沙拉。里面唯一算得上“沙拉”的就是球生菜了，但那基本上就都是水，剩下的全是冷肉和蛋黄酱。噫。
编辑：我们都是英国人。很不幸的是这不只是美国人的令人厌恶的吃法。
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Guy with a PhD in chemistry. Had a problem with electric furnace, it kept switching off the circuit breakers. So he was told by someone to stick a wooden splinter in it to keep the switch up, but it was too weak and the gap in the breaker too narrow.
一个有化学博士学位的哥们。电炉出了问题，总是切断断路器。所以有人告诉他说只要在断路器上别一个木片，开关就不会弹下来了。但木片太脆了，断路器的缝又太窄了。
于是他往里塞了几条金属……反正他还活着，但他说他差点把自己弄死。
That's two levels of amazingly bad there.
这里面犯了两层让人头皮发麻的错。
金属显然蠢得没救了。但别人跟他说的那个建议也同样糟糕。
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假如你的断路器开关弹上去了，永远不要硬压着它。它弹上去是有理由的。顶多是断路器自己坏了，但更有可能是你的家电有问题，并且假如你强行压住断路器的话，你就会害死人，或者把房子给烧了。
My brother was in uni in the UK And needed a toaster. He ordered on off of Amazon for £3 and was surprised to find one so cheap. Turns out it was a kids toy, it came with plastic pieces of bread as well.
我兄弟在英国上大学，他需要买一个烤面包机。他在亚马逊上花了3英镑买了个烤面包机，还感叹怎么买到个这么便宜的。结果是个儿童玩具。还送了他塑料面包玩具。
My sister. My wonderful sister. So intelligent, educated… but dang. They had their house inspected and the inspector found an issue with their gas heat. Called in a repairman and it turns out the were having lower levels of carbon monoxide leaking into their home. When my mom asked her why she didn’t have several working detectors she answered “well I did, but one just wouldn’t quit beeping”. This was 10 years ago and we still bring it up all the time. Thankfully everyone turned out to be ok, but that wouldn’t have been the case much longer.
我姐姐。我完美的姐姐。特别聪明，受过教育……但就是笨。他们家接受了一次消防检查，检察员发现他们家的燃气有问题。叫了个修理工过来，结果发现他们家有低水平的一氧化碳泄露。我妈妈问她为什么不在家里安装几个警报器呢？她回答说“我之前装过，但有一个就是一直响”。这是十年前的事了，但我们现在还在讲。幸亏最后没有人出问题，但假如当时没发现的话后果就严重了。
Is it possible she was already being impaired by the carbon monoxide, hence the less than ideal reaction to the beeping detector?
有没有可能当时她的认知已经被一氧化碳损害了，所以才没反应过来滴滴响的警报器是什么意思？
That is a possibility because now she sees how ridiculous she sounded. I’m so thankful they’re all ok because she has 5 kids and one was an infant at the time! The repairman said they wouldn’t have lasted long through the winter when they used the furnace full time.
很有可能，因为她现在意识到自己当时有多可笑了。她们现在没事真的太好了，因为她有五个孩子，其中一个当时还是婴儿！维修工说如果拖到了冬天他们一定拖不长，因为到时候炉子就会一直用。
I have a neighbor, he is by far the smartest person I know. A couple fourth of July’s ago he got a quarter stick of dynamite, and strapped it to an rc boat with a detonate button and a timer. He sent it out on the lake at night, flipped the switch and it didn’t go off. So he took it back into the house to fix it, but never turned the detonate button off. So when it was fixed the 7 second timer started going. It ended up going off in the house and blowing out all of the windows. Everyone was safe.
我有个邻居，他是我认识的最聪明的人。几年前他整了一捆炸药，绑到了一个遥控小船上，又做了个带计时器的引爆按钮。他晚上把炸药穿放到了湖里，按下了开关，但是船没炸。于是他把船拿回去检查问题，但他没把引爆按钮关掉。于是问题解决之后，7秒钟的倒计时开始了。最后炸弹在房子里炸了，把他家的窗户都炸碎了。没有人受伤。
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太长不看：我邻居把他家炸了。
Easy. Dads an actuary. Basically a cross between a mathematician and an economist. Wrote a text book for his field, and has been CEO of several very large companies.
太好答了。我爸就是。基本上是数学家和经济学家的结合体。在自己的领域写过一本教科书，给好几个非常大的公司当过CEO。
好几年前我回家之后听见有人在拿一百万分贝的音量玩帝国时代。太怪了。我下楼发现他在打游戏，戴着耳机，但是耳机没插进去。因为戴着耳机听不见外面的声音，所以他把扬声器的音量调得特别大。而且他还把耳机戴反了。
到今天我想起来还是想笑。
At least it wasn't porn
至少他没在看黄片儿
Girl I know has a masters in chemistry and still thought she could get away with "casual meth use" as if that is a thing
我认识一个有化学硕士学位的女孩，到今天她还觉得休闲地溜点儿冰（译注：违法的那种）是不会上瘾的，好像真的一样。
There's always someone who thinks that they're the exception and they won't get addicted.
总有人觉得他们是例外，他们不会上瘾。
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Brother in law is a pretty clever guy. Ran a bath for his kid, couldn't get the tap to turn off, mad panic, rang a plumber friend asking him to come round quick or the house is gonna flood. Friend was like, you could just pull the plug?
小舅子是个非常聪明的人。给他家孩子泡澡，水龙头关不上了，疯了一样地开始恐慌，给水管工朋友打电话说让他快点过来家里要发大水了。他朋友就说，你要不要把塞儿拔了？
真的特别友善，特别聪明的哥们。就是没常识。
A lot of people are only used to things going right and working as they should. When things don't they become complete vegetables.
有很多人都只习惯事情正常运转的情况。当事情不正常的时候它们就会彻底变成植物人。
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Also, when it's their own stuff it's hard to see the forest from the trees. I tend to panic when shit goes wrong in my house, but relatives or friends, I'll calmly say, just do A,B and C. No big deal. Same shit at my house?? Ahhhhhhhhh, fuck I'm ruined!!! Sell this house now!!!
还有，当事情涉及到自己的时候，很难当局者迷。假如我自己家有东西出错了我很容易开始恐慌，但是假如我亲戚朋友家出了问题，我就会冷静地说，你做A,B然后做C，没多大事。同样的事情发生在我家？啊啊啊啊啊啊，他奶奶的我完犊子了！这房子不能住了赶紧卖吧！
Yeah like if you're in a car accident and it's your own car, the emotions can get to you, the thought of having to get it fixed overwhelming, the cost, how long will it take to fix AHHHHHH!
没错，就像假如你坐车的时候出事故了，而且那是你自己的车，那你就会有各种各样的情感，想到你得把这辆车得修好，想到要花多少钱，想到要花多长时间，啊啊啊！
但假如你只是个乘客？那你说“冷静点，找辆拖车，给保险公司打电话，巴拉巴拉”还是挺容易的。
把脑海里的情绪清空，会让你很轻松地得到一个清晰的头脑哈哈
My older brother was the highschool validictorian and decided to cut an apple with a large knife while holding it in his hand. He has a lovely scar from it.
我哥哥是高中时读毕业致辞的优秀毕业生，他有一天决定拿一把大餐刀在手上切苹果。现在他的手上留了个很好看的伤疤。
My buddy who is now a brilliant emergency medicine doctor at one point while sledding bet he could jump off his moving sled, over a flat bench, and land on the sled. While moving, he realized he couldn't position to jump and crashed ribcage into the bench. Dumbest genius I have ever met...
我哥们现在是个出色的急诊医学博士，有一次他滑雪橇的时候打赌说他可以从雪橇上跳起来，跳过一个长凳，然后再落到雪橇上。然而在往下滑的时候，他发现自己没办法找到跳起来的姿势，于是长椅把肋骨撞碎了。我遇见过的最蠢的天才……
Sounds like his career origin story
听起来是他干他这一行的原因
[Looks at mangled, reconstructed ribcage] "what did they do?"
【看着自己支离破碎又被重新拼起来的肋骨】“他们做了什么？”
“我们让最棒的医生给你做了手术。没人能做得比他们还好。”
“我能。我能做得比他们还好。”
They used their bare hand to check if the stove was still hot by pressing it directly on the burner, and they had two doctorates.
他徒手按到灶台上检查炉子还热不热。他有两个博士学位。
My husband. He’s a mathematician for the Feds, but he has repeatedly gotten us to the wrong airport in cities that have more than one. Like at least three times. He’s brilliant, but a moron.
我老公。他是被美联储聘用的数学家，但他不止一次地在那种有多个机场的城市里把我们带到错误的机场。至少三次。他很优秀，但也是个傻子。
I'm also married to a mathematician. I feel your pain. I wouldn't trust him to plan or navigate any kind of travel. Ever.
我也嫁给了一个数学家。我能感到你的痛苦。我这辈子也没办法相信他计划任何旅行。永远不能。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
A mathematician, an engineer, and a physicist are in a hotel when suddenly there’s a fire in each of their three rooms. The engineer goes out in the hall breaks the glass and gets the fire hose, sprays tons of water on the fire in their room, and puts it out. The physicist does a bunch of calculations, throws a glass of water in the fire in exactly the right spot, and puts it out. The mathematician begins doing furious calculations as the fire in their room rages on larger and larger. Finally, the mathematician shouts “Eureka!” and goes back to bed.
有一个数学家，一个工程师和一个物理学家住在酒店里，他们每个人的房间都起了火。工程师冲出房间，打破玻璃，拿出水管，往房间里喷了好几吨水，把火灭掉了。物理学家算了一会儿，把一杯水丢在了最正确的位置上，然后把火灭掉了。数学家开始疯狂地进行演算，而他房间里的火也变得越来越大。终于，数学家大喊“我悟了！”然后上床睡觉了。
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I lived in Colorado Springs. My friend came into town and was booked into a hotel. I called and asked for the name or address of the hotel and he told me he did not know, but he could see the mountains from where he was. He narrowed his location down to a time zone.
我住在科罗拉多泉市。我朋友到城里住，定了个酒店。我给他打电话问他酒店叫什么，地址在哪。他说他不知道，但他站的地方能看见山。他把自己的位置精确到了和我同一个时区。
My aunt. College professor. PhD in mathematics. Was blown away when watching my father cook rice without a rice cooker.
我姨。大学教授。数学博士。看我爸不用电饭煲就能煮米饭的时候惊呆了。
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Throughout my whole life, I've never actually seen someone irl cook rice with a rice cooker.
我这辈子也没看过现实生活中有人用电饭煲煮米饭。
Most Asian families do. When you cook rice most days, it's worth buying something that'll do it much more quickly and with much less effort. Just set it and forget it.
绝大多数亚裔家庭都会用。当你基本上每天都要做米饭的时候，买一个能花更少的精力更快地做米饭的东西是很划算的。把它打开，然后忘了都行。
I was picking up my date (future wife) when her valedictorian roommate turned quickly away from the TV and said in all seriousness “don’t look, they’re welding! It will damage your eyes”. She got more serious as I continued to look back and forth at the tv and her. She actually yelled “it’s going to blind you!” I then asked her “So when your tv is showing an image of the sun…”. That’s as far as I got. You could see the wave of embarrassment wash over her face, she immediately started laugh/crying and begged me not to tell anyone.
我去接我的约会对象（未来的老婆），她的荣誉毕业生室友突然把头从电视那边转了过来，很严肃地跟我说“别看，他们在焊接！会伤你的眼睛！”我看了看她，又看了看电视，她更严肃了。她甚至大喊“你会瞎的！”然后我问她“那假如你家电视播放太阳的画面……”我好像就说了这么多。你可以看见她脸上的尴尬，她一下子开始边笑边哭，求我别把这件事告诉别人。
I know someone who had the same reaction to a printed photo of an eclipse.
我认识一个人看见日食的照片的时候也做出了同样的反应。
My colleague was tasked to put mail into the mailbox.
我同事接到了个任务，把邮件扔进邮箱。
她问我邮箱在哪，长什么样。
“就在角落里，是个红箱子”
结果那里还有另外一个红箱子上面写着“日常垃圾”
不到两米之外，是那个写着“澳洲邮政”的红箱子
她一直在把邮件扔到垃圾桶里。
编辑：感谢你们给我这么多奖章，但我得把话说明白。她真的很聪明，也非常高效。这只是一个小插曲。那些我们必须邮出去的都是“送回发件人”的邮件，而且通常都是垃圾邮件。你收不到飞行中心每个月给你发的诈骗邮件的话，那我也没办法。
Given their reliability, it's what Australia post would have done anyway.
考虑到他们的可靠程度，澳洲邮政干的差不多也就是这种事。
I don't know if he's necessarily the smartest person I know but I know a pretty smart astrophysicist who pointed out a 'star' to us which was in fact a plane.
我不知道他是不是我认识的最聪明的人，但我认识一个非常聪明的天文物理学家，他给我们指的一颗星星实际上是一架飞机。
No joke, poured gasoline on a campfire.
不开玩笑，往营火里倒汽油。
A guy I know tried to start a wood fire heater using cooking oil. Safer but still stupid
我认识一哥们想要用食用油生火。确实安全，不过也确实够蠢。
My brother has PhDs in bioengineering. We were on a call one day and he was saying "i can't find my phone. Probably my kids took it." Didn't realize until i told him that he was using his phone to talk to me.
我兄弟是生物工程的博士。我们有一天打电话，他在电话里跟我说“我找不到我的手机了。可能我家孩子拿走了。”直到我跟他说他在用他的手机跟我聊天之前他都没意识到。
You are always at your dumbest around siblings
你在兄弟姐妹身边的时候永远是你最蠢的时候。
I credit my intelligence to being an only child.
那我这么聪明肯定是因为我是独生子。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
To be fair, a lot of people probably do this these days. It's so uncommon to use your phone for actual phone calls that most people's brains wouldn't immediately realise, "I'm currently talking on the phone, therefore my phone is in my hand."
说实话，现在很可能有很多人都会做出这种事。现在用手机去打电话太不常见了，以至于很多人的脑子都不会立刻意识到“我现在在用手机通话，所以我的手机在我的手上。”
I forgot I was wearing glasses once so I bet it's like that
我有一次忘记过自己戴眼镜，所以我觉得应该差不多
I dropped a friend off at work - he works the graveyard shift. One night he left his phone in the car and I didn't realize until I got back home. I sent him a text letting him know he left his phone in my car lol realized as soon as I did it that he's not going to see it.
我开车把一个朋友送去上班——他倒班看坟地。有一天晚上他把手机落在我的车上了，我到家才发现。我就给他发了个短信让他知道他把手机落在我的车上了。发出去之后我立刻意识到他看不见这个短信。
第二天他告诉我，他当时想的是“呃，我给他发个短信告诉他我把手机落在他车上就好了”，然后他才想起来他手头没有手机。啊，这就像我们现在都把有手机看成是理所应当的事情了。
My friend in college graduated Summa Cum Laude with a double major in Biology and Chemistry. She went on to medical school and became a physician in a hospital you’ve definitely heard of.
我大学的一个朋友以最优等的成绩毕业，拿了生物学和化学的双学位。她后来去了医学院，在一个你们绝对听说过的医院当上了医生。
有一天她在热四季豆的时候往微波炉里放了一个叉子，于是我得跟她解释为什么她的微波炉听起来像里面在放鞭炮一样。
For some reason this is the story that finally reminded me that:
不知为何，这个故事突然让我想起来：
这些人真的只是一群开始学“高级的学校课程”并且不曾停下的孩子。终于有一天他们成为班级里的尖子生了，进了哈佛之类的地方了。但他们仍然是个23岁的大孩子，不懂怎么用微波炉。
My one college professor had a double doctorate, several masters, and was literally was the head of the national magazine for his field and had a lot of respect in the science community. He didn't know electric eels were real. Like he argued with us.
我有个大学教授有双重博士学位，好几个硕士学位，并且是他所负责的领域的国家级期刊的总编辑，在科学家社区中备受尊敬。他不知道电鳗是真的。他还跟我们争论过。
So my SO was assigned a group project to write about how their major works in different countries of the world. Like MajorXYZ in China, Japan, Canada, Russia, etc.
我的另一半接到过一个小组作业，写他们的专业在世界上不同的国家是什么样子的。就比如专业XYZ在中国，日本，加拿大，俄罗斯等等。
我的另一半的小组是非洲。没错，是非洲这个国家。他们跟教授说显然非洲不是以俄国家，但是教授非常坚定。他们最后只好选非洲中的一个国家来做整个作业的基础，那是他们其中一个组员在来美国之前生活了三十多年的国家。
最搞笑的是……这是一所HBCU。历史上生源以黑人为主的学院或大学。
Holy shit, I had to do the same project and my country was "the Middle East". Im like dude do you want to know about waste management in Syria or in UAE bc I suspect they're quite different...
我草，我也做过同样的小组作业，我领到的国家是“中东”。我当时就想哥们你是想了解废弃物处理在叙利亚还是阿联酋的发展情况啊，因为我觉得这两个肯定挺不一样……
My friend M is really good at math. She literally minored in it for fun.
我朋友M特别擅长数学。她专门为数学修了一个辅修学位。
有一天我们在街上走的时候，她说“伙计们我今天在脸书上看到了个东西——我们距离公元3000年只有81年了。”（那是2019年）
我还以为她在拿脸书上的蠢人开玩笑。然后她说，“这也太神奇了！”于是我发现我那个很喜欢微积分的朋友……真的觉得2019+81=3000.我不得不掰开揉碎了跟她讲。
To be fair, most math she's doing probably doesn't involve any numbers.
说实话，她学的那些数学绝大部分都不包括任何数字。
虽然这解释不了为什么她会忘记基本的数学，但显然能让我对自己想不起来七乘八等于几宽慰一些。
In school I was fine with algebra and calculus but the actual numbers give me anxiety so simple math was difficult. I'd sometime enter the simplest math problems into the calculator twice, sometimes even after doing it once in my head, just to be sure. It was rough.
我上学的时候学代数和微积分都没什么问题，但数字让我焦虑，所以普通的算术特别困难。有时我得把最简单的数学问题放到计算器里算两遍，甚至还要再在脑子里算一遍，只是为了保险。太难了。
In my experience, if they do calculus they can't do arithmetic.
从我的经历看来，假如他们算微积分，那他们就算不明白算数。
Had a roommate who was working on their PhD in psychology get mad at me for leaving the washer on the hot water setting. She was upset because she didn’t think she could get her jeans to stretch back out to fit her. When I said they’re cotton so they should stretch back she said “They’re denim not cotton!” I even asked her to check the tag but her thumb was covering the 1 so she said “They’re 00% cotton!” Eventually I got her to move her thumb and believe me. Really nice roommate and a lovely person. She finished her PhD just fine and I’m sure she’s a great psychologist just not the best at laundry. :)
我有个室友当时在读心理学博士，因为我把洗衣机设置成了热水所以她对我发了火。她生气的原因是她害怕牛仔裤用热水洗完之后就缩水穿不进去了。我跟她说牛仔裤是棉的，所以可以慢慢变回来，但她说“牛仔裤是单宁，不是棉！”我让她看一眼洗标，但她的拇指把1盖住了，然后她说“是00%棉！”最后我让她把手指拿开她才相信我。真的是很好的室友，也是个很好的人。她读完了自己的博士学位，我很确定她是个很好的心理学家，只不过不太擅长洗衣服。
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My late father was a particle physicist. He understood things that--I think I'm not being hyperbolic here-- only about 3000-5000 people understand. He was on a team that worked on the calculation of the mass of the Higgs Boson (his team got it wrong). In addition to being a particle physicist, he was also an avid student of history and completed two bachelor's degrees at MIT, one in physics, one in history. Mind you, that's not a double major, but two degrees in four years.
我过世的父亲是个粒子物理学家。他懂的东西——我觉得我应该不算夸张——世界上只有3000-5000人能看明白。他曾经参与了一个计算希格斯玻色子质量的团队（虽然算错了）。除了粒子物理学家之外，他还是一个优秀的历史学学生，在MIT读了两个学士学位，一个物理，一个历史。提醒一下，不是双学位，而是四年读了两个学位。
就是这样一个人，上世纪90年代末在一个ATM取钱的时候被最低端的诈骗给骗了。他们给他写了个200美元的白条，他就把现金给他们了。
My grandfather was also a particle physicist/professor. Worked at Caltech, Honorary degrees from universities around the world, etc.
我祖父也是个粒子物理学家/教授。在加州理工工作，世界各地都有荣誉学位，等等。
由于两次在使用微波炉的时候引起火灾，他被全家禁止使用微波炉。
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