你的疯狂邻居做过什么称得上“疯狂邻居”的事？
What does your crazy neighbour do to be labelled "the crazy neighbour"?
译文简介
有这样的邻居，想一想也挺可怕的。
正文翻译
What does your crazy neighbour do to be labelled "the crazy neighbour"?
你的疯狂邻居做过什么称得上“疯狂邻居”的事？
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
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She dug up my fancy flowers and replanted them in her own yard, 15 feet away.
她把我养得好好的花挖了出来，重新种在了她家的院儿里，就15英尺远。
Had a neighbour who wouldn’t let anyone use his driveway because he didn’t want it to get dirty. Anyone including himself. He parked on the street outside. If he thought you were having a party he would drag a bunch of plastic bags full of god knows what to the end of his driveway so no one could turn around it. One time I came home and he was outside hosing it down in the rain.
我有个邻居不允许任何人用他家院里的车道，因为他不想让车道变脏。包括他自己。他会把车停到外面的街上。假如他觉得你在开派对，他会拖一堆鬼知道装了什么东西的塑料袋拦住他家车道的一头，没人搬得动。有一次我回家，看见他在冒着雨拿水龙头冲车道。
多亏了他，我这辈子都没见过比他家更干净的车道。
Our neighbour would leaf blow during a windstorm. It wasn’t autumn so there weren’t any leaves on the ground, just some other debris.
我家的邻居会在刮大风的时候吹叶子。当时甚至不是秋天，地上也没有任何叶子，只有一点别的脏东西而已。
I have a neighbor who I have seen watering his grass during rainstorms on multiple occasions.
我有个邻居，我好几次看见他在下暴风雨的时候站在外面给草坪浇水。
sometimes you just want to feel alive you know
有时你只是想感到自己仍然活着，你知道吧
I had a neighbor who would sneak into my yard at night and roll up my sod. It would be laid perfectly the night before, but I'd get up in the morning and it would be rolled up just like it was when it came from the store.
我有个邻居，他会晚上偷偷跑到我的院子里把我的草坪卷起来。就算前一天晚上我把它铺的平平整整，第二天早上草坪还是会卷成和刚从商店买回来的时候一样。
我终于受不了了，躺在后门前，拿着棒球棍和手电筒躺了一整晚，准备把干这件事的人打出屎来。他们凌晨两点果然来了，我站起来，把手电筒打开，结果和四只浣熊面面相觑，它们正卷起我的草坪找虫子吃。
My neighbor sits in his yard, hides behind his plants and meows at people who pass by. He is not dangerous at all but he is not right in the head either. His caretakers are his parents and they seem to be very nice people. His dad once told me "he just likes to be a cat" and left it at that. I didn't ask any more questions.
我家邻居会坐在他家的院子里，藏在植被后面，对路过的人喵喵叫。他一点也不危险，但他脑子也不是很正常。他的看护人是他父母，他们看起来是很温和的人。他爸爸有一天对我说“他只是想当一只猫而已”然后就没再多说。我也没再多问。
I would also like to be a cat so I see no issue with this.
我也想当一只猫，所以我不觉得这有什么问题。
It’s all fun and games until he poops in the sandbox
你以为他在闹着玩，直到他开始在猫砂盆里拉屎。
It sounds like your neighbors just have a cat that you’re hallucinating is a human
听起来像是你家邻居养了只猫，被你幻视成了人类。
Another comment: There's a dude who lives down the road who's convinced our cat is our human son. He seems harmless but he's not right in the head.
另一条评论：路那头有个哥们相信我家的猫是我的人类儿子。他看起来不太危险，但他脑袋里也不大对劲。
Everybody wants to be a cat.
每个人都想变成一只小猫咪。
She has a penchant for going around sticking nails in people's tires at night. This has happened dozens of times to nearly everyone on the street, though she's slowed down since more people started installing video cams and motion-sensor lights in their driveways.
她有一种晚上出门到处往人们的车胎里钉钉子的瘾。街上几乎每一户都经历过好几次，尽管随着越来越多的人开始在他们家的车道上安装摄像头和运动感应灯之后，她就没有以前那么猖狂了。
Years ago we had a guy in our neighborhood like this... He stopped hitting our house when my crazy ass mother came flying out the house around 3am with her baseball bat.
几年前我们社区里也有个这样的人……他最后一次来我家的时候，我妈凌晨三点拎着棒球棍从家里飞了出去，他就再也没来过。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Her reasoning? If she's capable of it.
她有什么理由吗？假如她有这个能力的话
She's just one of those misanthropic people who gets a kick out of others' misfortune. She's done it for almost 20 years, apparently; her favorite night to do it is Sunday, when she also goes picking through people's recycling on the curb for cans and bottles. The lucky people find the nails and screws before they go out driving, but others have had their tires pop on the expressway.
她只是那种从别人的不幸中寻找快乐的反人类分子而已。显然她已经这么干了快二十年了；她最喜欢在周日做，她可以顺便去别人家的垃圾桶里翻瓶瓶罐罐。幸运一些的人会在他们把车开出去之前发现轮胎里的钉子和螺丝，但别人就可能要在高速路上爆胎了。
He eats my flowers.
他吃我种的花。
替他说两句，他在我们刚买房子不久，来我们家自我介绍的时候就跟我们说过这件事，说他已经吃了好几年的花了。他还给我们带了一塑料袋的冻饼干作为礼物，但不太确定里面是什么。我们用同一片侧花园，在他跟我们聊天的时候，我发现他家的全砖房其实是毛毡瓦，一层一层叠起来让它看上去像砖。这让我们意识到他可能多少有点不正常。
他是个很棒的邻居。只不过是个稍微老一点，有点怪的瘾君子，会过来吃我的花。也不觉得哪里羞耻。走到我家的院子里，把百合花生着吃掉，或者带着剪刀过来把花剪掉“煮了做酱”。我觉得挺疯狂的，但我们已经接受了。我三年前刚搬进来的时候，在我们两家共享的那片侧花园种了几株覆盆子、黑莓和蓝莓。还有几株玫瑰。我跟他说那些果子和玫瑰他可以随便摘，尤其别让鸟们抢先了。那些灌木全都在疯长，我家房子的整个一侧都成为了邻居一年一度的大餐。跟一个共享产权边界的疯老头儿处得来，付出几株花的代价也值得。
Your neighbor might be part goat
你邻居可能有一部分是山羊
You are a good neighbor, and a smart person who knows the difference between mostly harmless eccentricity and outright madness.
你是个很好的邻居，也是一个足够聪明的人，能区分出基本无害的怪异和显而易见的疯狂。
假如我也有个房子（我没有）并且我知道自己有点疯（我不觉得我现在有），我会希望有你这种人当我的邻居的。
We had the opposite neighbor. One that we caught poisoning our trees, including the 5 fruit trees in our backyard that we eat from. We put cameras up and told him if we caught him doing it again, we'd call the cops. He stopped even making eye contact with us after that.
我们的邻居与之正好相反。我们发现他在给我们家的树下毒，包括我们种了吃果子的五株果树。我们安装了摄像头，跟他说假如他再被我们发现做这种事，我们就要报警了。他此后甚至跟我们连眼神接触都不敢。
他成功地把三株果树杀死了，我们又种了回去。然后剩下的那两株幸存下来的是我这辈子见过的最大的柠檬树和橘子树，并且他们结出来的柠檬和橘子也大的吓人。那些橘子比柚子都大！我很喜欢，那就像是特地给邻居看的巨大的“CNM”。他这么做是因为他不喜欢树。他连看见树都觉得讨厌。
我倒希望拥有一个楼主那样的邻居。那哥们绝对喜欢植物！
I can't even imagine what has to happen in someone's life to make a person that hates trees. That may be the wildest idea I've heard in a long time.
我甚至不能想象一个人到底是经历了什么才会让他讨厌树。这可能是我很长一段时间听见的最野的想法。
We had one a while back that had a meth lab in the home. Crazy fights, yelling at all hours of the night,, dude would wander around the hood tweaked out crazy, and once he threw a Molotov cocktail out of the 2nd floor window at another dude who was smashing up his car, screaming, "I'll fucking kill you, motherfucker!" Those were interesting times.
我们前一阵子有过一个邻居在家里搞了个毒品作坊。疯狂的打斗，一晚上都在喊，那哥们会疯了一样在社区里到处乱逛，有一次甚至从二楼窗户往一个正在砸他的车的人身上扔莫洛托夫鸡尾酒，一边扔一边喊，“我他妈要干死你，傻逼！”那段时间挺有意思的。
Pulled us over pretending to be a police officer, saying that we had somehow broken the law whilst pulling out of our driveway and that she was “going to call it in.”
假装她是警察，让我们靠边停车，跟我们说我们在从自己家车道把车开出去的时候违反了某项法律，说她要“让他们过来”。
她根本不是个警察哈哈哈
编辑：我考虑过用行车记录仪作为证据真的让他们过来，但我们那时刚搬进来，也不敢说她是不是那种会把我家房子烧了或者给我家狗下毒的疯子。在和其他邻居谈过之后，我们才知道她只是那种在一个没有业主协会的社区里“想要成为业主协会主席”的人。所以，基本没什么害处，只是够烦人。
This reminded me of this crazy woman in my old neighbourhood who used to pretend she was a cop all the time. First encountered her screaming at the post office staff because she’d arrived past the pickup time and they couldn’t guarantee her letter would be in tomorrow. She was there almost an hour just pitching a fit while they opened the other counters around her. “Do you know who I am?!” And all that stuff.
这让我想起我以前住的那个社区里的疯女人，她一年到头都喜欢假装自己是个警察。第一次遇见她的时候她在冲邮局的工作人员大喊，因为她过了取件时间才来，他们没办法保证明天她还能拿到信。她在那发了将近一个钟头的脾气，工作人员只好开放她旁边的那些柜台。“你知道我是谁吗？！”之类的。
我第二次遇见她的时候，她在公交车上把一个可怜的孩子挤到了角落，并且跟孩子说她要逮捕那个孩子，因为她是个警官，并且她不喜欢那个孩子吃薯片还是什么东西的样子。简直是在骂人。我走了过去，礼貌地问那个孩子认不认识这个疯子，然后她后退了。
但我猜她看见我在我那站下车了，因为第二天早晨我醒来发现我家的花园被弄得乱七八糟。真的是个怪人。
I used to live in a HOA. One of the members on the board lived across the street from my neighbor and I. He sent a letter to us saying that we all have to mow the lawn on the same day, at the same cut height, and in the SAME PATTERN to create uniformity in the neighborhood. My neighbor and I intentionally cut on different days and in opposite patterns just to annoy the guy.
我以前住在一个业主协会社区里。有个协会成员住在我和邻居家对面。他给我们送了封信，说我们都应该在同一天把草坪修剪成同一个高度和同一个图案，好为社区制造统一的氛围。我跟我邻居故意在不同的日子把草坪修剪成了不同的样式，就是为了惹他生气。
At my last place I had a neighbor that would re-mow my lawn if my lines weren't straight enough or if I missed a spot. Never found out who it was but that was an incredibly fun summer. Only happened that year too.
在我之前住的地方有个邻居，假如我没把草坪修剪齐，或者有个地方忘记修剪的话，他会给我把草坪重新修剪一边。一直都没发现是谁干的，但那是个非常有趣的夏天。并且也只有那一年。
I tried that. The unknown mower didn't touch my yard if I didn't mow it. It had to be a bad looking or non traditional mow job.
我试过。假如我根本不修剪的话，那个不认识的人就根本不会碰我的草坪。我得要么把草坪剪得很烂，要么不传统。
本该是直线，却剪成了圆圈？趁我不在家重剪了。
每条线都沿着一个方向？趁我不在家重剪了。
水平/垂直/对角线混着剪？趁我不在家重剪了。
两星期不剪？无事发生。
That's when you just mow only a tic tac toe board and put in an x in one spot.
所以你是时候修剪出一个五子棋棋盘然后在上面画个X了。
Took my parents to court because he lost in our HOA Chairman election. Some people just have too much free time.
把我父母告上法庭，因为他在业主协会主席选举上输了。有些人实在是闲工夫太多了。
编辑：在他败诉之后他还让我们付他的法律费用，要了两次。
This woman lived next to us who needed to have the police called on her at least once a week.
住在我们家旁边的那个女人每周都得至少把警察招到他家里去一次。
她会对她的室友吼一整晚，喝得大醉，有时候还磕了点药，在我们坐在自己家后院的时候走出来对我们吼。
我不止一次不得不把她踢出我们家房子，因为她未经事先声明就走进我们家房子里，手里攥着啤酒，喝得大醉。
有一次我报了警，因为她一边在自己家门口滚来滚去一边大吼着说要杀人。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
还有一次我上班的时候我接到了个电话，女朋友告诉我他们得从房子里疏散出来，因为邻居家的车库着火了。结果要么是那个女的，要么是她舍友，在车库里吸毒或者吸烟的时候弄的。
她最后搬走了，但仍然会走到我们家管我们要除草机。我告诉她滚出我的草坪的时候她不太高兴。
My sister’s neighbour reported my sister to the police because her kids were playing in my sister’s garden. Not for the usual reasons, too much noise etc. Nope, because a volcano in Italy had erupted and the radiation would hurt them. My sister lives in the U.K.
我姐姐的邻居把我姐姐报告给警察了，因为她家的孩子在我姐姐家的花园里玩。倒不是为了平常的原因，比如太闹了之类的。不是，而是因为意大利有一座火山喷发了，辐射会伤到他们。我姐姐住在英国。
They adults in the family let their small (but surprisingly agressive) dog out unleashed and without a muzzle - we live right next to a very busy road and public sidewalk and the dog will often chase children and bark at other dogs, cars, people. Its a mess and they ignore any reasoning.
那家的大人让他们家的小（但攻击性强得出奇）狗不栓绳子不戴嘴套——我们就住在一条非常繁忙的马路和公用人行道的旁边，那只狗经常会追逐孩童，对其他狗，车子，人大叫。经常乱七八糟的，并且跟他们讲道理他们也不听。
最搞笑的是他们家的孩子们永远都会拴着狗出来，并且假如狗追别人的话他们一定会道歉。
Before I moved out of my parents' place, the neighbor on the other side of the backyard fence was always doing crazy shit. He'd be practicing shooting his BB gun down his yard, at the fence, while my dad was doing yard work just on the other side of it, or in the middle of the yard, or just minding his own business, really. My dad and I got absolutely pissed one time because our neighbor decided to try practicing with a .22 rifle while my dad was outside with our German Shepherd.
在我搬出父母家之前，后院栅栏另一头的邻居永远都在做一些疯狂的事情。他会在我爸爸在栅栏旁边或者院子中间打理后院或是做自己的事情的时候，在栅栏另一头的院子里练习射击BB枪，瞄着栅栏。我爸爸和我有一次实在气得不行，因为在我爸在院子里带我们家的德国牧羊犬玩的时候，那个邻居决定练习射击他的.22步枪。
有两次那个邻居用捕猎夹子把两只臭鼬（分别在不同的两次）夹住了，自己把它们给杀了，然后把尸体扔到栅栏对面把我们家的整个后院熏臭，后来熏臭了整个社区；然后他打算告诉邻居们是我家长干的。
我爸爸直接把脏东西清理掉了，妥善地扔掉了臭鼬的尸体，然后在那个疯子之前把真相告诉了邻居们。我们的其他邻居们早就觉得那个人是“疯狂邻居”了，所以我们的辩护也更有力。我爸又投资了一套摄像头，装在了栅栏旁边的棚子上。
哦对了，那个邻居现在已经死了（心脏病还是什么玩意人，我忘了我爸爸说的是什么了），并且他家的后院现在已经变成一团乱麻，让人看了就恶心，因为他的寡妇一点也不想管。
he took it upon himself to mow my lawn while I was at work (my mower broke and I couldn't get it fixed (needed to wait until next payday)
他在我上班的时候决定给我修剪我的草坪（我家的除草机坏了，得等到下次发薪水才能修）
碾了我家草坪上的一块石头，把他的除草机弄坏了，他让我赔钱给他换刀片。
哥们我也没让你给我修草坪啊……
We used to live next to a woman that would have a disco party for her cats in her backyard at 2 am every few days. She would put up a disco ball and party lights with music playing. It was a little bit odd but what made it crazy was her dancing like a Native American performing a ritual around the disco ball. It’s honestly one of the strangest things I’ve ever witnessed!
我们以前的邻居是个女的，她会每过几天在凌晨两点钟在自己的后院里给她家的猫开迪斯科排队。她会挂一个闪亮的灯球儿，各种各样的派对灯光，然后放音乐。有一点点怪，但最疯狂的是她跳起舞来就像北美原住民绕着灯球跳大神一样。这真的是我见过的最奇怪的事情之一！
Does she send out evites or something? How do I get on that list?
她发没发过请柬什么的？我该怎么进入她的名单？
Step 1: be cat
第一步：当一只猫
I used to live next to "screaming guy". It was a cheap apartment and hearing through the walls didn't take a lot of effort. He would yell pretty regularly (at the phone? TV? something?) We could never figure out what it was.
我曾经挨着一个“大喊大叫的人”住。他家是个很便宜的公寓，用不着费什么心思就可以听清楚墙对面发生了什么。他会经常（冲着手机？电视？什么别的东西？）大喊，但我们从来都听不出来他喊的是什么东西。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
他永远是在白天大喊，但他喊的时候我们永远都找不到对应时间播放的体育节目。
他在与我们当面交流的时候永远都非常礼貌，并且谈吐很温婉。
编辑：并且他自己一个人住，据我们所知也没养任何宠物（那个公寓不允许他们养，我们也没见到他养过）
编辑2：打游戏从人口分布上来说不太可能，因为他在2006-2008年（我们在那里住的时候）就已经50多岁了。他有点算不进去打游戏打到成年的那一代。但也不是不可能。