有哪些生活建议听起来很假，但却能救你的命？
What is a lifehack that seems fake, but is a true lifesaver?
译文简介
一些很棒的建议。
正文翻译
What is a lifehack that seems fake, but is a true lifesaver?
有哪些生活建议听起来很假，但却能救你的命？
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
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Every male should know this. If you want to get rid of an awkward boner flex any muscle in your body maybe an arm. For a minute. The blood will rush to that muscle and away from your dick. Crisis averted.
每个男性都应该知道这个。假如你想掩盖一次尴尬的支帐篷，身上的任何一块肌肉都可以帮你的忙。只要花一分钟。血流会流向那块肌肉，从你的丁丁上流走。危机解除。
Don't be that awkward dude trying to hide an erection in public, confidently rock a raging boner while flexing those guns for all the world to see
当然，别变成那个为了在公众场合掩盖你的帐篷，而自信地摆出挺胯的健美姿势给全世界看。
T pose and levitate by the propulsion of your swinging member like a boss
摆个大字，然后让你那个荡来荡去的东西产生的空气推力带你飞起来，像个boss一样。
Slow heavy metal music playing...
开始播放慢节奏重金属音乐……
Opposite is also true, right?
反过来也行，对吧？
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I don't know what's worse, holding down my boner or awkwardly standing there flexing both biceps with my boner trying to rip a hole in my sweats.
我不知道哪个更糟，究竟是把帐篷憋回去还是尴尬地站在那里一边显摆二头肌，一边看到自己的钻头即将突破天际。
Use shaving cream as anti-fog. I used it on the inside of my motorcycle visor. Smear it on, let it dry, then rinse off and dry. It also works for bathroom mirrors. You can use it on a small spot so you can still see when you get out of the shower.
用剃须膏当除雾剂。我把它用在摩托车的后视镜上。涂上去，自然风干，然后擦下去晾干。对浴室的镜子也有效，你可以往镜子上涂一点，这样就算刚洗完澡你也能看清。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
boners are a healthy thing, and so natural, we shouldn't shame them... #freetheboner
支帐篷是很健康的事情，并且很自然，我们不应该以此为耻……#自由支帐篷
Holding your breath for a minute or so also works and you can hide it better in public
憋一分钟的气之类的也可以，并且可以让你在公共场合隐藏的更深。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
i’ve been doing this for years and it works every time. i always flex my calves. even if it’s really scientifically explained i think just believing it all these years has made it work if anything
我几年来一直这么做，每次都好用。我一直收缩小腿上的肌肉。就算没有科学解释，我觉得这几年的相信也让这一招起作用了。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
First you get a boner at work and then you start making Mr. Olympia poses...That wont be talked about for years at all. ;)
首先把帐篷支起来，然后开始摆健美先生的姿势……那当然不会成为好几年的笑料的。
The quickest is your thighs and ass since they’re the largest muscles that draw the most blood. If you’re sitting down, dig your heels into the ground and try to extend your legs while squeezing your ass cheeks together.
最快的是大腿根和屁股上的肌肉，因为它们是身体上最大块的肌肉，吸引过去的血液也最多。假如你是坐姿，那就把脚后跟抵在地面上，一边提臀一边试着伸腿。
Does this work for those early morning tents?
早晨支的帐篷也有用吗？
why in the world am I just hearing about this now?
我到底为什么今天才听说这件事？
Turn your device on and off before contacting tech support.
在寻求技术支持之前，先重启你的设备试试。
And restart your computer regularly, not a shut down, a restart. Shut down is now just a glorified sleep and will not solve your problem
并且要经常重启你的电脑。不是关机，而是重启。现在的关机只是牛逼一点的休眠模式，并不会解决你的问题
If you have Windows 10 and want shutdown to actually shut your computer down you have to manually change the setting.
假如你的电脑是Windows 10，你想彻底地关掉你的电脑，你就得手动修改一下设置。
在Windows搜索栏里搜索电源和睡眠设置，去屏幕右边找到“其他电源设置”，打开新窗口后选择“更改电源按钮的功能”。假如你在窗口的上方看见了蓝字的“更改当前不可用的设置”，点一下，在下面“关机设置”的四个复选框中，最上面的一个写的是“启用快速启动（推荐）”。尽管它写了推荐，但你不应该选。然后按保存修改就可以了。
If you're fancy with computers, you can run (win+r) shutdown -r -f -t 00
假如你熟悉怎么用电脑，你可以运行（Win+R)输入"shutdown -r -f -t 00"。
In case anyone is wondering what this means:
假如有人纳闷这是什么意思的话；
shutdown（关机） -r（重启而不是关机） -f（强制整。别跟我扯还有什么在运行，赶紧整) -t（时间） 0（秒）
Damn really..? Good to know!
我草真的？学到了！
Yip, I work for a computing company and maybe 85% of minor problems can be easily solved with a restart
没错，我在电脑公司工作，这里大概85%的小问题都可以重启解决
not a shut down, a restart. Shut down is now just a glorified sleep and will not solve your problem
引用：“不是关机，而是重启。现在的关机只是牛逼一点的休眠模式，并不会解决你的问题”
很好笑的是现在有很多人的看法与此相反。
Well it used to be the opposite. But Microsoft found switching them to be an easy way to make computers start up more quickly (making the product appear better without actually making it better). However people now fall down because they never do a restart, thinking that it’s unnecessary, when it’s in fact very necessary. Even a few weeks without a restart now can cause problems
其实以前确实是正好相反的。但微软发现把两个切换一下是让电脑启动速度更快的好方法（让产品看上去好很多，但并没有真正让产品变好）。然而人们现在会摔跟头，因为他们从来不重启，觉得重启没必要，而事实上非常有必要。就算几星期不重启，电脑也会出问题。
I saw a comment on one of these kinda threads that recommended gently rocking back and forth while pooping. I’ve never had any problems in the bathroom, but I happened to be sitting on the toilet when I read the comment so I decided to give it a test drive. I was pleasantly surprised at how quick and effortless the whole experience was and I haven’t gone back to my old stationary technique since. As a bonus, #1 and #2 now require the same amount of time in the bathroom!
我见过一个类似帖子的评论，推荐你在拉屎的时候轻轻地前后晃动身体。我以前从来没有经历过这种厕所问题，但当时读这个评论的时候我正好坐在马桶上，我就打算来一次试试。我很惊喜地发现整个过程变得又快又顺滑，于是我再也没回到以前的一动不动式。现在我在厕所里解大手和解小手的时间一样短了！
Okay, I don’t know if you’ll see this or have the wherewithal to respond, but it’s 6:30am where I am and I’ve been up since around 4 with some constipation, mostly just browsing around Reddit (I’m not even subbed here — I’ve been browsing so long I hopped over to “Popular” to change things up). I have work today I just got promoted and we’re right smack dab in the middle of a two week crunch.
好吧我不知道你们会不会看到这个帖子或者有没有想要回的，但现在我这边是早上六点半，我四点多就醒了，感觉有点便秘，基本上就是在看reddit（我甚至都没订阅这个板块，我刷的时间太长了，以至于跳到了“流行”分类）。我今天得工作，我刚刚升职，正在两周疯狂加班的中间。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
我记不得自己这辈子有没有便秘过了，所以或许是压力导致的？但我过去的几小时里稍微有点惊慌，因为很难受，也没睡多少觉，最重要的是假如这便秘是更严重的健康问题的一个症状的话，我会没时间应付。
我起床了，到处走动过，试过各种伸展动作和各种姿势好让下边松快松快，但我感到的只有紧张和不舒坦。
在马桶上前后晃悠了5到10分钟，我所有的不适和紧张都一扫而空了！我暂时还没把什么东西挤出来，但我希望至少开始正常运动了。我现在感到足够舒适，可以回去再睡几小时，或许上班之前我还可以来这里再坐一会儿。
谢谢你，屁股王（楼上的ID)。
编辑：老铁们！感谢你们有用的建议。我的肠胃已经通畅了；演出将会继续！
Hope everything came out OK! Drink a lot of water and eat some leafy greens
希望一切都好！多喝水，吃点绿叶菜
It's from stress. It can do all kinds of crazy things to your body including the digestive system. Hope you're feeling better 11 hours after posting this.
这是压力导致的。压力会给你的身体带来各种各样的负担，包括消化系统。我希望你在发了这个帖子的11小时后感到舒坦许多。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
A few weeks ago I was so constipated two mega turds ended up coming out at the same time, but side by side. I screamed.
几星期前我便秘得贼厉害，以至于拉屎的时候两大坨屎肩并肩出来了。我吓得叫出声了。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
You was backed up like the Suez canal.
你堵得像苏伊士运河。
It works! Also, elevating your knees helps too. Hence... the squatty potty. I’m not a person who like to spend time pooping. My poops: 30 seconds max. My husbands: 10 mins minimum.
确实有用！以及把你的膝盖抬高一些也有帮助。所以……请用蹲便。我不是那种喜欢在拉屎上浪费时间的人。我拉屎：顶多30秒。我丈夫拉屎：10分钟起步。
10 minutes? What, is this guy running a race?
刚10分钟？跟这儿竞速呢？
45 mins min, at work, 4 times a day.
45分钟起步，上班的时候，一天四趟。
Do men actually take longer for pooping than women or are you just chilling the rest of the deal?
是男性普遍会比女性拉久一点，还是只是你在开玩笑？
It just depends. I can take anywhere from 10 minutes to 30 minutes in the bathroom, but I have unfortunate digestive problems and (I assume) a bad gut flora issue, so pooping is sometimes a painful and laborious process.
看情况。我在厕所里花的时间在10分钟到半小时之间，但我消化有点问题，并且（我认为）我的肠道菌群不太好，所以拉屎有的时候既痛苦又费力。
当然啦刷reddit确实会占一点时间
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
90 seconds using the toilet, 10 minutes using reddit
90秒拉屎，10分钟刷手机
Just want to put out there to my fellow poop/me-time breakers; if you ever find yourself having some hemorrhoid-like issues this could be a cause. You’re not just sitting like you would be in a chair, your region down there is pushing out a bit and shouldn’t for an extended time. If you’re not having issues, keep scrolling but if you ever do, maybe look at changing up this habit.
只是想给我亲爱的拉屎/私人休息时间伙伴们指出一点：假如你发现自己有类似痔疮的症状，在马桶上坐太久可能是原因之一。当你坐在上头的时候你和坐在椅子上是不一样的，因为下面那块儿是往外凸出来的，并且不应该凸太久。假如你没有这方面的问题，尽管接着刷，但假如有的话，或许可以考虑一下换个习惯。
I'd probably hide out in the bathroom too if my wife were the type to time my bowel movements...
假如我老婆也是这种会给我的肠胃运动计时的类型，那我可能也会在厕所里躲着……
Same. Oh wait I do. It's the one place where I'm free
我也。哦我已经在躲着了。那是我完全自由的地方之一。
Hahaha, I’m a nurse so I have no filter for bodily functions. He makes fun of my clumsiness and my gross habit of microwaving 2 day old coffee. Maybe that’s why I poop so fast...
哈哈哈，我是个护士所以我对身体机能没有偏见。他总是拿我的笨拙和用微波炉加热泡了两天的陈咖啡的恶心习惯开玩笑。或许这是我拉屎很快的一部分原因……
Pooping is my me-time, though. Away from wife, children, dogs and the world at large.
拉屎是我最自我的时光。远离老婆，孩子，狗和全世界。
是自省和安静地沉思的时光。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I totally appreciate that. I just would rather have me time sitting in my backyard or car or something instead of a poop closet... but you take what you can get!
我完全理解你的这种想法。我只是更喜欢在后院里或者车里或者别的地方享受私人时光，而不是马桶上……但你有啥就用啥！
That's funny, i have "pooping problems", and i do that instinctively because i assume if i "help the intestines move", the poop will come out easier. At any given time, if you were to rush through the bathroom door, you would see me literally dance in the toilet.
有趣，我也有“拉屎问题”，我会本能地做这种动作，因为我觉得假如我能“帮助胃肠蠕动”，便便跑出来就可以轻松一些。在任何一刻，假如你冲进厕所，你会看见我在马桶上跳舞。
Also, if you have a vagina, you can literally reach into your vagina and push the poop out from the inside- I learned this on Reddit and it has saved me so much butt work over the years.
顺便，假如你是女的，你真的可以把手伸进前门然后把屎从里头挤下来——我从Reddit上学到了这一招，这几年里给我省了不少麻烦。
Coughing also helps
咳嗽也有帮助。
Once I sneezed mid poop. That little shit shot out so fast I thought I cracked the bowl.
有一次我在拉屎的时候擤了个鼻涕。那坨屎飞出来的速度如此快，我以为我把马桶干碎了。
Shaving cream also removes the smell of urine. If you ever have to take care of someone who is old and/or sick and who wets the bed, a little shaving cream on a rag wiped over their buttocks after they are thoroughly cleaned up helps them really smell clean again.
剃须膏也会去除尿液的味道。假如你得照顾某个年迈或重病，会尿床的人，在把他们的身体擦干净之后用布往他们的屁股上涂一点剃须膏，可以让他们闻起来更干净。
或许是个令人伤感的贴士，我知道。但你永远不知道自己什么时候也要为遭遇这种事情的人提供关怀。没人想要身上有味道。一点剃须膏就能给他一点尊严？简直无价。