中国父母为儿子购买公寓是否是"理所应当"？这种期望是否导致了中国的低出生率？

Ok-Tangerine-3358
For my parents' generation, it's completely natural to buy a house for their son even if it means using most of their life savings. So, that's not a hurdle. As for me, just the thought of all the trouble raising a kid is enough to make me "run a million miles from having a child". So, that's not a hurdle either.

对于我父母那一代人来说，即使要动用毕生积蓄，为儿子买房也是天经地义的事。所以，这不算什么障碍。至于我，光是想到养孩子要操心的种种麻烦，就足以让我"对生孩子退避三舍"。所以，这也不是障碍。

lazytony1
You're right. For the majority of Chinese women, the prerequisite for getting married is that the man has prepared a house for the marriage. If a young man is not wealthy and his parents are unable to provide financial support for him to buy a house, it will be very difficult for him to find a girl who is willing to marry him.

你说得对。对于大多数中国女性来说，结婚的前提条件是男方已经为婚姻准备好了房子。如果一个年轻男性不富裕，而且他的父母无法为他买房提供经济支持，那么他很难找到一个愿意嫁给他的女孩。

This is also the reason why many ordinary families with two children (one boy and one girl) eventually have conflicts due to issues related to property. If this family doesn't distribute most of their property to the son, then this boy will have great difficulty finding a girl to marry. But the daughter at home would feel that it was unfair because she didn't receive as much property.

这也是许多普通家庭（一儿一女）最终因财产问题产生矛盾的原因。如果这个家庭不将大部分财产分给儿子，那么这个男孩将很难找到愿意结婚的女孩。但家里的女儿会觉得这不公平，因为她没有得到同样多的财产。

I live in Beijing. The sole reason why I have only one child is that my first child was a boy, and I couldn't afford to purchase two houses for two boys in Beijing. These two properties cost at least 1.5 million dollars. That's simply too much. I'm not willing to take the risk of having another child.

我住在北京。我只有一个孩子的唯一原因是我的第一个孩子是男孩，我负担不起在北京为两个男孩购买两套房子。这两套房产至少需要 150 万美元。这实在太多了。我不愿意冒险再生一个孩子。

However, this issue is now improving. Many boys are now becoming more aware and are no longer spending money on buying houses, but rather on themselves, such as going to the gym or purchasing things they like.

不过，这种情况正在改善。许多年轻男性如今变得更加清醒，不再把钱花在买房上，而是投资于自身，比如去健身房锻炼或购买自己喜欢的东西。

limlwl
is what $1.5M in USD? I am wondering because of how it works in China.

150 万美元是多少钱？我很好奇，因为在中国情况不同。

lazytony1
It's 1.5 million US dollars, which is equivalent to 10 million RMB.

是 150 万美元，相当于 1000 万人民币。

When I had my first child, the housing prices in Beijing were still quite high. Houses in the urban area were approximately $700,000 to $1,000,000 each. Of course, nowadays the housing prices in China (including the super-large cities like Beijing, Shanghai and Shenzhen) have dropped significantly. The prices in many cities have decreased by 50% or even 70%. If my child had been born at the current housing price and I still had the same amount of savings as I do now, I would have considered having a second child at that time. Unfortunately, it's too late now.

当我生第一个孩子时，北京的房价还相当高。市区的房子大约每套 70 万到 100 万美元。当然，如今中国（包括北京、上海和深圳等超大城市）的房价已经大幅下跌。许多城市的价格下降了 50%甚至 70%。如果我的孩子出生在当前的房价水平下，而我仍然拥有与现在相同的储蓄，我当时可能会考虑生第二个孩子。可惜现在为时已晚。

JackReedTheSyndie
It’s just kids can’t afford the down payment themselves, they have no choice but to turn to their parents

这主要是因为年轻人自己付不起首付，他们别无选择，只能向父母求助

RichCommercial104
They help with the down-payment which is also very common for white families. They often use the equity from the family home. The kids will handle the mortgage payments. Paying for houses outright is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. How rich do you think the average parent is in China?

他们帮忙支付首付，这在白人家庭中也很常见。他们通常会动用家庭住房的净值。孩子们则负责偿还房贷。全款买房是我听过最愚蠢的事。你觉得中国普通父母能有多富有？

biebergotswag
very common in the countryside. a lot of rural farmers do not understand banking and now have a lot of money on their hand.

这在农村地区非常普遍。许多农民不懂银行业务，如今手头却有不少现金。

a 3room apartment in chengdu cost around 20 head of cattle. not reqlly unaffordable

在成都，一套三居室公寓的价格大约相当于 20 头牛。其实并非完全负担不起。

RichCommercial104
Mortgage debt in C is trillions of dollars.

C的房贷债务高达数万亿美元。

More_You_681
? Where can you find such apartments in Chengdu? I'll take ten plz.

？在成都哪里能找到这样的公寓？我要十套。

OXJY
As a 30-year-old single man with some savings and properties, I think you’re not far off. That said, I don’t live in China most of the time, so take this with a pinch of salt.

作为一名 30 岁、有一定积蓄和房产的单身男性，我认为你的看法基本正确。不过，我大部分时间不住在中国，所以请对我的话持保留态度。

The birth rate is about more than just marriage or property. Most people in the current working generation are only childs, so once they get married, they are often expected to support ageing parents on both sides. Not everything is covered by universal healthcare, so medical costt can add up quickly. At the same time, raising a child is a long-term financial commitment, easily 18 years or more. Most families in China have both parents working, but it’s still a big expense. On top of that, the job market and the economy aren’t as strong as they were 10 years ago, so taking on that kind of long-term cost is harder.

低生育率不仅仅关乎婚姻或房产。当前工作一代大多是独生子女，一旦结婚，他们往往需要赡养双方年迈的父母。全民医保并不能覆盖所有医疗费用，因此医疗开支可能迅速累积。同时，抚养孩子是一项长期财务承诺，轻松持续 18 年或更久。中国大多数家庭都是双职工，但这仍是一笔巨大开销。此外，就业市场和经济形势不如十年前强劲，承担这种长期成本变得更加困难。

You’re right about property. In many places, owning a home is basically a prerequisite for marriage. Sometimes both sets of parents help with buying one. If you’re in your late 20s or 30s, being able to afford a property is often an unspoken requirement even for relationships.

你说得对，房产确实如此。在许多地方，拥有住房基本上是结婚的前提条件。有时双方父母都会帮忙购买。如果你处于二十多岁末或三十多岁，能够负担得起房产往往是恋爱关系中不言而喻的要求。

I should also say that I personally couldn’t afford the properties I own on my own. My parents bought some when I was younger, and I also inherited property from a family member.

我也得说，我个人是买不起我名下的房产的。有些是我小时候父母买的，还有一些是从亲戚那里继承来的。

vivianhtlee
Some woman would urge their partner's parents to borrow moeny. And parents "should" take whole responsibility to pay the mortgage.

有些女性会催促伴侣的父母去借钱，而父母则“理应”承担起偿还房贷的全部责任。

On the other side, some parents will ask the partner of their daughter to pay more money to cover the cost of their son.

另一方面，一些父母会要求女儿的伴侣支付更多钱来弥补儿子的开销。

wongl888
I have no problem buying a property for my children (boys and girls) to help them on their way if u can afford it. Why no?

如果经济条件允许，我很乐意为我的孩子们（无论男女）购置房产，帮助他们开启人生新篇章。为什么不呢？

Gabriel_Nee
I feel grateful to my parents who leave me a house and 2 apartments plus 1 another place passed down from grandparents, otherwise I would be in an extreme panic now since I lost job and can not get a new one because I'm almost 35.

我很感激我的父母，他们留给我一套房子和两套公寓，还有一处从祖父母那里传下来的房产，否则我现在会极度恐慌，因为我失业了，而且因为快 35 岁了找不到新工作。

But I would say the house price per se is a factor, not necessarily the expectation for parents' help, and I think a bigger factor is the job insecurity. You work 995 or 996 and probably get let go before 35 and the nobody wants you any more.

但我想说的是，房价本身是一个因素，未必是父母必须帮忙的期望，我认为更大的因素是工作不稳定。你工作 995 或 996，可能在 35 岁前就被解雇，之后就没人要你了。

Over_Knowledge9797
Is 35 really considered too old to work in China? in my home country this is still considered a good age to find a new job if needed

在中国，35 岁真的被认为年纪太大不适合工作了吗？在我的国家，如果需要的话，这个年龄仍然被认为是找新工作的好时机。

Gabriel_Nee
We have a saying that's like "35 is considered an old age for everything except for death". People are not physically incapable at 35, but there're just too many young graduates every year who can work overtime, take less money and meanwhile be obedient. There's a New York Time post about it weeks ago https://www.nytimes.com/2026/03/21/business/laid-off-in-midlife-Chinas-reform-generation-braces-for-downward-mobility.html.

我们有一句俗语，大意是“除了死亡，35 岁对一切来说都算老了”。人们在 35 岁时并非身体上无法胜任工作，但每年都有太多年轻的毕业生，他们能加班、要求更少的薪水，同时也很听话。几周前《纽约时报》有一篇关于这个问题的文章：https://www.nytimes.com/2026/03/21/business/laid-off-in-midlife-Chinas-reform-generation-braces-for-downward-mobility.html。

Brilliant-Depth-778
I believe the declining marriage and birth rates are a result of Chinese women's proactive choice to say no to marriage and childbirth as a whole, rather than saying no to marrying or having children with someone. I'm not sure if I've expressed myself clearly, but the decline in marriage and birth rates isn't due to men's poor conditions, but rather to women's awakening.

我认为婚姻和生育率的下降是中国女性整体上主动选择拒绝婚姻和生育的结果，而不是拒绝与特定对象结婚或生育。我不确定我是否表达清楚了，但婚姻和生育率的下降并非因为男性的条件不佳，而是源于女性的觉醒。

MrMunday
in hong kong its almost a necessity that the parent help you with the down payment for the house or else....how would you even get one.

在香港（特区），父母帮忙付首付几乎是必须的，否则……你根本买不起房。

Training_Guide5157
That's not so different in mainland China for major cities. There is a lot of really cheap housing in nice smaller cities though, and a lot of people settle with a house back in their village.

在中国大陆的大城市，情况也相差无几。不过，在那些宜人的小城市里，确实有很多价格非常实惠的住房，而且很多人选择在老家村子里安家置业。

alexblablabla1123
Yes it’s common and expected. But it’s also true for girls’ parents now, at least the well-off ones.

是的，这很常见且是普遍期望。但现在女孩的父母也是如此，至少那些家境优渥的是这样。

But we may be witnessing a change right now due to a continued drop in property prices.

但眼下，由于房价持续下跌，我们或许正目睹一场变革。

What one thinks is culture is mostly just a latent variable.

人们所认为的文化，大多只是一种潜在变量。

ossan1987
There is no expectation for the parents to buy the son an apartment but a man should provide a house when marrying a woman. consequently, many parents have no other choice but to buy their son a house so that their son can marry. It's almost impossible for young man to afford an apartment on himself before mid-30s nowadays given the low salary as a junior worker comparing to the high price of properties.

并没有期望父母为儿子购买公寓，但男性在娶妻时应当提供住房。因此，许多父母别无选择，只能为儿子买房，以便儿子能够成婚。如今，考虑到初级员工的低薪与高昂的房价，年轻男性在 35 岁前几乎不可能靠自己负担得起一套公寓。

It's definitely a contributing factor to low birth rate, but deep down the issues is that parents have to put up all kinds of support to their child even well into adulthood. Buying an apartment is only one aspect of it, there is also buying a new car, education (yes, without a good degree it's also difficult to marry well), finding a job etc. the rule is simple, a man must be somewhat well established before marriage, but when one family decided to pour in their family wealth to make a successful son, the competition begins, then before everyone realises, all families are dragged into this competition. The only exit is to not raise a child (especially a son).

这无疑是导致低生育率的一个因素，但问题的核心在于父母必须为子女提供各种支持，甚至直到他们成年后。买房只是其中一方面，还包括购买新车、教育（是的，没有好学历也难以顺利结婚）、找工作等。规则很简单：男性在婚前必须有一定的事业基础，但当某个家庭决定投入家庭财富来培养一个成功的儿子时，竞争就开始了。然后，在所有人意识到之前，所有家庭都被卷入了这场竞争。唯一的出路就是不生孩子（尤其是儿子）。

Moist-Bid2154
I don’t think housing is a major cause of low birth rates. Most people in China already own homes or apartments.

我不认为住房是低生育率的主要原因。中国大多数人已经拥有自己的住房或公寓。

In some cities, local governments tested free housing for families, but it did not significantly increase birth rates. However, when they offered about $30,000 US dollars for two children, the birth rate rose to around 3.1 children per family.

在一些城市，地方政府尝试为家庭提供免费住房，但这并未显著提高生育率。然而，当他们为生育两个孩子的家庭提供约 3 万美元的奖励时，生育率上升到了每个家庭约 3.1 个孩子。

Purple-Food-9829
Source ?

来源？

Purple-Food-9829
Just googled they offered 1500 which is far from 30000 . Not sure if it impacted birth rates at all .

刚查了一下，他们只提给了 1500，离 30000 差远了。不确定这是否对出生率有任何影响。

True-Concentrate-311
Yes it's expected. However, China's low birth rate has lots of causes, high apartments price could be one.

是的，这确实是一种普遍期望。然而，中国的低出生率有多种原因，高昂的房价可能是其中之一。

Time_Astronaut_4365
Only if you are lucky. It is usually the other way around. Your parents will ask you to help pay their mortgage.

只有当你足够幸运时才会如此。通常情况恰恰相反，你的父母会要求你帮忙还房贷。

Civil-Ad-8612
Yes, it's true. though many just couldn't afford, like peasant parents.

是的，确实如此。尽管许多人，比如农民父母，根本负担不起。

haokun32
It’s expected that the parents help their child until marriage… and then to look after the grandkids if they have any…

人们普遍期望父母在孩子结婚前给予帮助……如果有了孙辈，还要帮忙看娃……

Most parents will help towards a down payment, and education regardless of what gender their child is.

大多数父母都会帮助子女支付首付和接受教育，无论孩子是男是女。

Some people expect the guy’s family to provide the house (but a lot of the time the girl will help with the mortgage and not be on the title) or for the guy to buy the house and for the girl to pay for the Reno — most places in China a house is just the 4 exterior walls, no lighting, plumbing or hvac is done (this can be just as expensive/more expensive than the house itself).

有些人期望男方家庭提供房子（但很多时候女方会帮忙还房贷，却不在房产证上），或者男方买房，女方负责装修——在中国很多地方，房子只是四面墙，没有照明、管道或暖通空调系统（这些装修费用可能和房子本身一样贵甚至更贵）。

There is more financial pressure on the guy to be able to afford this, but there is also an expectation for women to be able to match his contribution.

男方在承担这些费用时面临更大的经济压力，但同时也期望女方能匹配他的贡献。

A lot of the discourse between men and women comes from the fact that the man is supposed to provide the house and car etc etc…and they act like they do, but in reality a lot of the times the man’s salary goes completely towards the mortgage (big expenses) while the wife’s is used for “everyday necessities” (small expenses) and she is expected to take care of the kids, but if they were to get divorced, the woman wouldn’t necessarily have a claim to the house if her name wasn’t on the title.

许多男女之间的争论源于男性被期望提供房子、车子等物质条件……他们表面上也这样表现，但现实中很多时候男性的工资完全用于偿还房贷（大额支出），而妻子的收入则用于“日常开销”（小额支出），同时女性还被期望承担照顾孩子的责任。然而，如果离婚，若房产证上没有女方的名字，她可能无法主张对房子的所有权。

There’s just a lot of high expectations on both sides

双方都抱有很高的期望

CompleteFuel6588

拉倒吧，版本早就更新了，没写名字也能分房

haokun32
But i thought only if you can prove that you paid towards the mortgage, and that paying "living expenses" don't count..?

但我以为只有能证明你为房贷出了钱才行，支付"生活费"不算吧？

CompleteFuel6588

前段时间有个男的，老婆要跟他离婚。为了挽留婚姻他把父母给他的房子写上了妻子的名字，后来妻子坚持离婚，男子希望要回房子份额。上诉到法院，最后失败了。新闻看到的

haokun32
So was her name the only name on the title? If so doesn’t that just prove my point that courts don’t care about who out there money in, they only look at the title?

那么房产证上只有她的名字吗？如果是这样，这不正好证明了我的观点：法院不在乎谁出了钱，他们只看房产证上的名字？

hangwen
Chinese parents help their kids for life time in whatever way they can from providing financial support for their marriage to taking care of their grandchildren.

中国父母会尽其所能地帮助子女，从提供婚姻的经济支持到照顾孙辈，这种支持往往贯穿一生。