国外恶搞帖子：伊朗革命卫队携带10 包帮宝适无香型湿巾潜入福特号航母的厕所，导致 24 个马桶瘫痪，使该航母陷入困境……

UnusualExplanation6
Was on a destroyer, one day I heard a bunch of commotion as I was getting ready for my watch. Someone ran out of the head screaming. Turns out VCHT was plugged up somewhere and had enough pressure built up that it exploded from out of the urinals right behind where someone was brushing their teeth, hard enough to leave a silhouette of the sailor on the mirror.

以前在驱逐舰上服役时，某天正准备去值更，突然听到一阵骚动。有人尖叫着从厕所冲出来。原来是船上的真空收集与处理系统在某处堵塞，积聚的压力过大，导致尿液从某人——他正在刷牙——后方的小便池喷发而出，冲击力之强竟在镜子上留下了那名水兵的剪影。

aDrunkSailor82
Dude....   

天呐....

This reminds me of probably my worst sea story.

这让我想起了可能是我最糟糕的海上经历。

DDG. Violently heavy seas skirting some hurricanes.

导弹驱逐舰。航行在飓风边缘，海面剧烈翻腾。

C.O. orders all non-essential personnel to their racks to strap in. Which was followed with a headcount to make sure we had everyone.

舰长命令所有非必要人员到铺位并系好安全带。随后进行人员清点以确保全员在位。

I was ESS watch, and work center supervisor for the ET shops. I called fwd-IC, Radio, Cal Lab, and radar asking for names of those on watch, and checked those off. That meant obviously anyone else not counted should be in berthing. Fwd IC is close to Fwd berthing so I had one guy go up to berthing and count who else from our division was there. We came up one guy short. I radioed all our spaces again, asking people to check for ET3XYZ (not using the poor guys name here sorry). No one had seen him.

我是 ESS 值班人员，也是 ET 部门的工位主管。我打电话给前部内部通信、无线电、校准实验室和雷达部门，询问值班人员名单并逐一核对。这意味着所有其他未计入的人员显然都应在住舱。由于前部内部通信站靠近前部住舱，我派了一名同事前往住舱清点我们部门还有哪些人在那里。结果发现少了一人。我再次通过无线电呼叫我们所有区域，请人员查找 ET3XYZ（此处隐去那位同事的真实姓名）。但无人见过他。

By that point I had maybe ten minutes to find him, or report we were missing a man, and anyone that's been on a ship knows a lost man = man overboard evolution. I HAD to find this guy.

此时我大约只剩十分钟找到他，否则就必须报告人员失踪——在舰上待过的人都知道，人员失踪即意味着启动落水人员搜救程序。我必须找到他。

So I jump up out of aft IC, and start running through spaces myself, stopping where I could on the way. The ship was getting absolutely battered. I was slamming into walls running down the port side past the galley, slipping on stairs going to radio, it wasn't pretty. I mean, by FAR the worst seas I'd ever seen. The kind of waves that make the hull shudder with each hit sounding like a cannon, waves blasting all the way up to the bridge wings, and I'm sprinting the entire length of the ship up and down ladders bouncing off walls, bad, bad...

于是我从后部 IC 室一跃而出，开始在各舱室间狂奔，途中尽可能找地方停顿。舰体正遭受着前所未有的剧烈冲击。我沿左舷侧狂奔经过厨房时不断撞上墙壁，冲向无线电室的楼梯时频频打滑，场面可谓狼狈。说真的，这绝对是我经历过最狂暴的海况——那种让船体每次受击都像遭炮轰般震颤的巨浪，浪花甚至直扑舰桥翼台，而我正沿着纵贯全舰的梯道上下冲刺，身体不断被甩向舱壁，情况糟得不能再糟...

I get through all the spaces and now I physically could not find this guy either. CSOW was calling my radio asking for headcount, telling me to unfuck my department, and of course cursing me for taking so long.

我搜遍了所有舱室，却依然找不到那个人的踪影。此时 CSOW 正通过无线电催促我汇报人数，命令我立刻整顿好部门秩序，当然还不忘咒骂我耗时太久。

Now.... something about my ship at the time...the VCHT (shit pumps) in forward berthing broke constantly. When they did, our berthing would be ordered to use aft berthing until the hull techs fixed the pumps. Of course, no one listened until the toilets were full. So, now all the toilets are full, the ship is rolling and rocking like a fucking teeter totter on steroids, and all that fucking rot gut sailor diarrhea, piss, shit, spit, puke, etc is just flooded and flying around the head in Fwd berthing. I run by on my mission to find ET3xyz, and the door to the head is banging open and closed with the waves. I see this absolute hellscape inside that looked like hundreds of gallons of raw sewage in a giant blender, and....wait....are those boots? There's boots... Stall 2...and someone's legs in blue coveralls. Oh fuck, it's ET3xyz.

现在...说说我当时所在军舰上的一些事。船艏生活区的 VCHT 排污泵经常坏，一坏掉，我们整个生活区就会被命令去船艉生活区上厕所，直到管道技师修好为止。当然，没人会听命行事，直到所有的马桶都满了才行动。结果，所有马桶都满了，船身像磕了药的跷跷板一样剧烈摇晃，那些该死的烂水手肚子里的东西——拉稀、尿、屎、口水、呕吐物——全都在船艏生活区的厕所里四处飞溅流淌。我正急着去找某某ET3，路过时看到厕所门随着海浪砰砰作响地开关。里面简直是个地狱般的景象，就像有个巨大的搅拌机正搅动着成千上百加仑的原始污水，等等...那是靴子吗？没错，是靴子...在第 2 个隔间里...还有一条穿着蓝色工作服的腿。操，是某某ET3。

He got seasick, and for some reason, instead of barfing in a trash can, or pillowcase, or fuck even his own boots, he jumped into that tornado of turds, got on his knees, hugged the already overflowing toilet, and was barfing there.

他晕船了，不知怎么搞的，他既没有吐在垃圾桶里，也没有吐在枕套里，甚至连自己的靴子里都没吐——反而是跳进了那个粪雨狂风中，跪倒在地，抱住了早已满溢的马桶，在那儿吐了起来。

I stood in horror, agast at what I saw. The radio! Fuck!

我惊恐地站在那里，目瞪口呆地看着眼前的一切。无线电！该死！

-click-   

-咔哒-

"CSOW, this is ESS. All personnel accounted for"

"CSOW，这里是 ESS。全体人员已清点完毕。"

-click-   

-咔嗒-

"Copy ESS."

"收到，ESS。"

I looked one more time, shut the door to the head, and fought my way back to aft-IC.

我最后看了一眼，关上厕所的门，艰难地返回后舱内部通信站。

I never asked him, or mentioned it to anyone, but I still wonder how long he was in there, and how the fuck he got cleaned up.

我从未问过他，也没跟任何人提起，但我仍想知道他在里面待了多久，他到底是怎么清理干净的。

I'm assuming he just threw all those clothes away.

我猜他只是把那些衣服全都扔掉了。

ChickenMcFukket1
oh man, the very first time I took a shower on a Los Angeles class submarine on my first underway I had maybe been in the shower for two minutes when I felt water on top of my feet only to look down and see that the tanks had overflowed up through the shower drain covering my feet in everyone else's filth. I was so disgusted.

天哪，我第一次在洛杉矶级潜艇上出海时，刚洗了大概两分钟的澡，就感觉脚上有水，低头一看，发现水箱从淋浴地漏溢了出来，把我脚泡在了其他人的污秽里。真是恶心极了。

DJErikD
VA: Your Campylobacteriosis, Cryptosporidiosis, Escherichia coli Diarrhea, Encephalitis, Gastroenteritis, Giardiasis, Hepatitis, Leptospirosis, Methaemoglobinaemia, Poliomyelitis, Salmonellosis, Shigellosis, Paratyphoid Fever, Typhoid Fever , and Yersiniosis is not service connected.

退伍军人事务部：您患有的弯曲杆菌病、隐孢子虫病、大肠杆菌腹泻、脑炎、胃肠炎、贾第鞭毛虫病、肝炎、钩端螺旋体病、高铁血红蛋白血症、脊髓灰质炎、沙门氏菌病、志贺氏菌病、副伤寒、伤寒以及耶尔森菌病都与服役无关。

zjsomers89
1000% lmfao i just spit out ny drink. Why isnt this top comment?

1000% 笑死我了，我刚把饮料喷出来。这哥评论为什么没有置顶？

Impossible_Mode_7521
They had to tell us to stop jerking off in the Cadillacs on our FOB because the plumbing cant take it.

他们不得不告诉我们别在前线作战基地的凯迪拉克车里打飞机了，因为排水系统受不了。

Tantalus420000 
Real men nut in 120° heat portajohn before they pass out

真男人在升天前都是在 120 度高温的移动厕所里发射的

Impossible_Mode_7521
I can do both

我两者都可以

SecretPantyWorshiper
Wait you guys had Cadillacs at your FOB?

等等，你们在前线作战基地有凯迪拉克？

Puceeffoc
"I'm the guy that cleans the loads."

“我负责清理排泄物。”

Puceeffoc
Explain that term Cadillac? I've never heard it used before. Do you mean the nice toilets on some fobs?

那个词 Cadillac 是什么意思？我之前从没听过这种用法。你指的是那些哨站上不错的厕所吗？

Impossible_Mode_7521
That's what we called the trailers that were the showers and shitters.

我们这么叫那些当淋浴间和厕所用的拖车。

2010/2011 2013.

maybe it's old terms

也许这是过时的术语

Traditional-Oven4092
I use to work in the engine room operating the distilling plant, the higher ups were so organized they discharged sewage while we were distilling potable water. You could taste of a whiff of shit, but it was deemed safe. Also drank some jp5 potable water.

我以前在轮机舱工作，操作蒸馏装置，上级组织得井井有条，竟然在我们蒸馏饮用水时排放污水。你能尝到一丝屎味，但据称是安全的。我还喝过一些混了 JP5（燃油） 的饮用水。

FishyKeebs
I would think common sense engineering would dictate that the intake and the discharge pipes would be on opposite ends and sides of the ship.

按照常理，船舶的进水和排水管道应分别设计在船的两端和两侧。

aDoubious1
Seems that Forrestal class carriers all had issues with JP4 getting into our water. I was aboard the USS Ranger CV-61 85-88. I never would have thought that a carrier could rock and roll so much until we were in our way home from WESTPAC '87 (Operation Ernest Will). I watched a frigate off our port side drive through waves that nearly went over is stack. The sea was smooth as glass one moment; and then bang, we get hit by the first massive 30 foot wave, which nearly made an F-14 kiss an A-6 on the angle deck cats. That was the end of flight ops. It took hours to recover all aircraft.

看来福莱斯特级航母都有 JP4 燃油混入供水系统的问题。我曾于 85 至 88 年间在 USS Ranger CV-61 上服役。直到 87 年西太平洋巡航（"挚诚意志"行动）返航途中，我才真正见识到航母能颠簸到何种程度——当时看着左舷外的护卫舰穿行于几乎淹没烟囱的巨浪中。海面方才还平静如镜，转瞬就被三十英尺的狂浪猛然击中，差点让弹射器上的 F-14 与 A-6 在斜角甲板上"亲密接触"。飞行作业就此中止，我们花了数小时才回收所有舰载机。

aDoubious1 
Yes, I served Navy and Army.

是的，我曾服役于海军和陆军。

usmc_dexe
When i was deployed on the queerbarge, our head was backed up like this. A couple sailors came up to unblock it with a fire hose, and the other with him got absolutely drenched with Marine sewage, ran out of the head heaving... I would have junped overboard, personally.

当我被部署在航母上时，我们的厕所就像这样堵住了。几个水手过来用消防水带疏通，结果跟他一起来的那个水手完全被海军陆战队的污水淋湿，从厕所里呕吐着跑出来……要是我，我可能会选择跳海。

Hoppie1064 
Just drag me behind the ship for a few miles.

干脆把我拖在船面拖几英里。

3v1lkr0w 
Wait, is this real? Not being Navy I don't know if this is real or just a meme?

等等，这是真的吗？不是海军的人，我不清楚这是真实的还是只是个段子？

chalk-line 
Headline is not real, likely some sailor did in fact flush wipes. The joke is they are blaming it on some outside nefarious force. The shit is real though.

标题所述并非事实，很可能就是某位水手冲掉了湿巾。这则笑话的讽刺之处在于，他们将此事归咎于某个外部邪恶势力。然而，糟糕的情况确实存在。

FishyKeebs 
Yes, not all who join the service get a mint on their pillow each night.

的确，并非每个服役人员每晚都能享受到枕边薄荷糖般的优待。

3v1lkr0w  
Hey we Air Frocers had it rough too...sometimes the mint was a knock off AAFES brand.

嘿，我们空军也好不到哪儿去……有时候连薄荷糖都是山寨版的 AAFES 牌子。

FishyKeebs 
Oh, I am so sorry, I did not realize your struggle. Would you like to have my stress card? ( I never had them, only heard horror stories about them,lol)

哦，真抱歉，我没意识到你处境这么艰难。要不要把我的“压力卡”给你？（说真的我从来没见过这玩意儿，光听过些可怕的传说，哈哈）

homelocked2
Closest thing I had to a mint was everything issued was green or shit brown

要说我遇到过最接近“享受”的事，大概就是领到的所有装备都是绿色或屎棕色吧

temple_nard
If the Iranian Revolutionary Guard had actually done this there would have been footprints on the toilet seats to prove it.

如果真是伊朗革命卫队干的，那马桶圈上肯定会有脚印为证。

seek102287  
LMao this one got me

这还真把我逗笑了

FlipTheNormals
Yep. I was stationed on a DDG. This is tame. In 2017, we were getting back underway from an overnight refuel in Portugal. Liberty was restricted to the pier, but there was a bar. Way too many sailors got absolutely plastered, many folks got in trouble upon returning to the ship, etc etc… We got underway the following morning. People were already throwing up, and when we actually got out to sea, the plumbing all backed up... and we had rough seas. My rack was an arm’s length from the berthing’s head, and you could just watch the vomit and shit swath back and forth from the showers to the toilets, sometimes occasionally spilling over the knee knockers.

没错。我曾在一艘驱逐舰上服役。这都算小场面。2017 年我们从葡萄牙通宵加油后准备返航时，上岸许可仅限码头区域，但那儿有家酒吧。太多水手喝得烂醉如泥，不少人回船时惹了麻烦等等……次日清晨我们启程出海。已经有人开始呕吐，等真正驶入外海，所有管道都堵塞了……当时还遇上狂风巨浪。我的铺位离住舱卫生间只有一臂之遥，你能亲眼看着呕吐物和粪便在淋浴间与马桶之间来回冲荡，偶尔还会漫过防水门槛。

I still think to this very day that our CO chose the roughest path at sea on purpose to punish everyone’s poor choices lol.

时至今日，我依然认为我们的指挥官是故意选择了最颠簸的海路，以此来惩罚所有人做出的糟糕决定。

Getmeaporopls 
Man I remember the bay area where everyone slept use to flood maybe once or twice a month. Felt bad for the dudes on the bottom beds.

天啊，我记得在海湾地区，大家睡觉的地方大概每个月都会发一两次粪水。真为那些睡在下铺的兄弟感到难过。

Wildest shit would happen on MEUs. CO of the of this ship was apparently flying drunk lol had to apologize infront of everyone on the ship.

海军远征队里发生过最疯狂的事。这艘船的指挥官明显是酒驾，哈哈，还不得不当着全船人的面道歉。

One dude got caught by NCIS getting a prostitute in Thailand.

有个家伙在泰国找妓女时被海军犯罪调查局抓了个正着。

Another dude divorced because he gave some Thai chick his FB and getting blown up by her on his feed.

还有一位老兄离婚了，因为他把脸书账号给了某个泰国妹子，结果她在他动态里狂轰滥炸。

Some POS wasnt sending money back to his family.

某个混蛋不给家里寄钱。

There was some in office drama between a E4 and captain hooking up and about having a baby lol

办公室里有段绯闻，说是一个 E4 军衔的士兵和一名上尉搞在一起，还怀了孩子，笑死。

FishyKeebs 
Drunk on duty and only an apology?

酗酒值勤只需道歉了事？

Retnuhswag 
I can’t believe he had to apologize

我简直不敢相信他居然要道歉

NotTheUserYouLoking4 
Drunk on duty and had to apologize?! From my time in that's half the personnel and that's the only way the military ran.

值勤时醉酒还被迫道歉？！在我服役那时，半数人员如此，军队得以运作全凭这个。

Volsnug
I’ll never forget my chief gathering up and screaming at all the women on the ship because someone flushed a tampon…

我永远也忘不了我的长官把所有女船员集合起来，冲着她们大吼，就因为有个人冲掉了卫生棉条……

Pale_Adeptness
I was on the USS Essex and USS Tortuga, both for more than a few months. I am so glad we didn't have any plumbing issues while I was on both.

我曾在"埃塞克斯号"两栖攻击舰和"托尔图加号"船坞登陆舰上服役，两艘舰艇都待了数月之久。服役期间没有遇到任何管道问题，实在令我庆幸。

Taco_killer_69
So glad I joined the army.

真庆幸我当年加入的是陆军。

FishyKeebs  
Yes, we had the real plumbing

是的，我们有真正的管道系统

SecretPantyWorshiper
Not sure about that, definitely out natures plumbing though

不太确定这个，但肯定不是天然的管道

senditFrmU2M
lol the good old days

哈哈，那些美好的旧时光啊

unTraditional_Fox419 
Damn. That’s shitty   

真糟糕，这太屎了

MossfonBVI 
Reminds me of either fwd or aft vcht being down all deployment. Man... always felt bad for those young HT's

这让我想起整个部署期间，无论是船艏还是船艉的厕所总出故障。唉...总为那些年轻的水管军士感到难过。

sniperdude24 
Make them shit into a barrel and burn it on the deck.

让他们往桶里拉，然后在甲板上烧掉。

Christ_on_a_Crakker 
This is a recurring nightmare I have. I have to piss but all the toilets are nasty and the floor too.

这是我反复做的一个噩梦。我需要小便，但所有的厕所都肮脏不堪，地板也一样。

greendt
And this is why you dont want bottom rack.

这就是为什么你不想要底铺床位。

Odd-Commercial-1639  
Standard issue MEU experience

标准配置的海军陆战队远征部队经历

dasmineman
Minesweeper toilets used to have flaps that would sling shit water all over your ass if someone else flushed without enough water causing the macerator to bog down and back up. It was great.

扫雷舰厕所过去配有翻板，如果别人冲水时水量不足导致粉碎机堵塞回流，就会把粪水溅满你的屁股。真是美妙体验。

whatdayouknow  
Hoorah! Welcome to the world's finest Navy! 3 Westpacs.

万岁！欢迎来到世界上最精锐的海军！三次西太平洋部署。

We were on a ship that just got females. Our showers conveniently decided not to work we would have to pass male quarters to get to another female head to use theirs. Lets just say it was interesting times for all.

我们所在的舰艇刚刚配备女性船员。我们的淋浴间恰好决定罢工，我们不得不穿过男性生活区去另一个女性卫生间使用淋浴。可以说，对所有人来说那都是段有趣的时光。

Positive-Library-259
So glad tampons or “flushable “ wipes were not a thing way back

幸好卫生棉条或“可冲湿巾”当年还没流行

gopropak
Video was shot in 2018, so it’s not the Ford.

视频摄于 2018 年，所以这并非福特号事件

QuestionablePersonx
Guess what...you caused it!!! Now everyone has to live with it!! FU...whoever you are!!

猜猜怎么着...这都是你造成的！现在大家都得受罪！去你的...不管你是谁！

Sanearoudy 
We had some HTs do whatever maintenance they needed to do on the drains in our berthing head. That night, gray water backed up almost to the rim at the bottom of the door. I got up in the morning and decided to just use the toilet and brush my teeth. The first head aft of us was slammed and the women there were perfectly happy to share their head.

我们让几名水手技师在我们住舱的浴室里进行所需的排水系统维护。那晚，灰水回涌到门口边缘。我早上起来决定还是去上个厕所刷个牙。我们后面第一个女厕所已经爆满，那边的女兵们倒是很乐意分享她们的卫生间。

I went to the next bathroom aft - the engineering female head. The HT in charge of that head tried to kick me out because they didn't allow other people to use their head in the morning. I told her why I was there and she didn't care. She didn't find me until I was on the toilet and I didn't leave until I brushed my teeth.

于是我去了再往后的另一个卫生间——轮机部门的女厕所。负责那个厕所的水手技师想把我赶出去，因为她们不允许其他部门的人早上使用她们的卫生间。我向她解释原因，但她根本不理会。她发现我的时候我已经在厕所里了，我刷完牙才离开。

Of course, we were both E-5s at the time so it's not like she could really do much. If she had complained and it made it back to my chief he probably would have told them to piss up a rope.

当时我们都是 E-5 军衔，所以她也做不了什么。要是她抱怨这事儿传到我军士长那儿，他大概会让她们自讨没趣。

Picklebiscuits3369
Yay, poopie water, don’t breathe, LMao

哟呼，臭水汤儿，别呼吸，笑死我了