哪些最基本的事情你也做不好？
What is the most basic thing your terrible at?
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活着？
正文翻译
What is the most basic thing your terrible at?
哪些最基本的事情你也做不好？
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Comforting sad people. I'll literally just stand there and be like, "you .. .you want some water?"
安慰伤心的人。我真的只能站在那说，“你……你想要两杯水吗？”
Totally relate to this one. Someone can be sitting crying their eyes out and I'm like "Uh... You seem sad?"
完全能懂这一点。人家可能在那里哭的眼睛都要哭出来了，我只能说一句，“呃……你不开心？”
"There. There."
“好啦。好啦。”
Pat them on the head and say, "There, there," then offer them a hot beverage.
拍拍他们的脑袋，然后说一句，“好啦，好啦。”然后给他们倒杯热水。
if they cry you can say "is it because of your shoes?"
如果他们哭的话，你就可以说“是因为你鞋不合脚吗？”
这样他们就会急眼，然后就不哭啦！
About a year ago my boss had a mental breakdown, and as we grew to be good friends I was obviously there to comfort her. I tried a bit, but she told me to fuck off. So I went. As I walked out the door she ran to me and asked why am I leaving, tears flowing. "Well you told me to go" was my response with a shrug.
大概一年前，我老板忽然精神崩溃了。因为我俩是从小长大的，我显然得安抚她一下。我试了试，但是她让我滚。于是我往门外走，然后她又跑到我身边问我为什么要走，眼泪流的到处都是。我耸耸肩说“是你让我走的呀”。
我安慰人的技术也就这个程度了。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I’d take some water any time I’m sad over getting useless advice thrown at me without asking. You’re doing good.
如果我自己难过，还有一群人问都不问就给我没用的建议的话，那我宁愿喝杯水。你做得很好。
I relate to this. My mom has an incredible sense of empathy and is very comforting. I did not inherit this quality. I just say things like “there there” or “I’m sorry to hear that.”
我能懂你。我妈妈有特别出色的共情能力，非常会安慰人。但是我没能继承下来这个能力。我只能说“好啦好啦”或者“很抱歉听到这种话”之类的东西。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
This is literally the worst. 3 hours later I’ll have all the amazing things I could have said or done in my mind. But everytime, I just freeze. I hate this about myself.
这真的是最糟糕的情况。等过了三个小时，我脑子里就能想起各种各样我本可以说的好话，或者本可以做的事情。但每次我都会当场愣住。我很讨厌自己的这一点。
Talking.
聊天。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
我很有学问，但是每次和别人真正对话的时候，我说的话都跟我想说的话完全对不上……
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
You could try writing a few phrases out for important conversations
你可以试试在重要的对话开始之前提前把句子写下来
Here’s the weird thing, for interviews or important conversations where I sort of know how it’s going to go, I’m fine.
最奇怪的就是这个，如果是面试或者重要的对话这种我知道走向如何的对话，那我没问题。
就是平常的对话。我就是没法做到。
Fuckn same! I always feel so dumb,I hate being a messenger like when I’m at work and someone’s like oh hey can you tell so and so this and that real quick because it’s busy or something and I’m standing there looking like a reindeer looking at headlights and then I’m struggling trying to tell the them the message
他妈的一模一样！我总是觉得自己特别蠢，我很讨厌给别人传话，比如工作的时候有人跟我说嘿你能不能跟某某说一声这件事得赶紧因为特别重要，然后我就像个盯着大灯的驯鹿一样愣在原地，支支吾吾半天才能把话跟他们说清楚
Talking to people.
和人说话。
Drive thru employee: enjoy your food!
得来速员工：吃好喝好！
我：你也是！
Proceeds to drive into wall from shame
然后羞愤难当开着车一头撞上墙
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Whistling
吹口哨
Doing anything while someone is watching
在被别人看着的时候做任何事情
This is literally the only reason I haven't gotten my driver's license yet. Can not deal with the examiner watching my every move.
这真的是我还没考到驾照的唯一原因。根本就没办法应付教练盯着我的一举一动。
My mom had showed me with criticism every time she saw me doing something. If someone is watching me doing the simplest thing i would go in a spiral of anxiety.
每次我做事情的时候被我妈妈看见的时候她都会骂我。所以如果有人盯着我，哪怕是做最简单的事情我也会变得越来越焦虑。
Same here kind of Lol. I can barely sweep, wipe a table, etc. when my parents are watching. Even at 26 years old.
我差不多也跟你一样哈哈哈。爸妈看着的时候我连扫地擦桌子这些事情都干不明白。哪怕我今年二十六岁了。
Happens to me all the time. I do things on daily based but when my coworker comes in and looks over my shoulder i can't even breathe anymore lol.
我一直都是这样。我日常做的事情都还行，但是同事一过来，从我肩膀后面看我的时候，我甚至连呼吸都做不到了哈哈哈
GAAA! Me too! I'd be sitting at my desk at work and somebody would show up and look over my shoulder. I would instantly freeze. They'd say, "Don't mind me." or "Go ahead, don't let me stop you." When I'd tell them their mere presence was stopping me I usually got accused of being rude and "not a team player".
嘎啊啊啊！我也是！我坐在桌子旁边工作，有人就会走过来从我后背看我。我会立刻愣住。他们就会说，“别管我。”或者“你继续，别因为我停下。”我跟他们说他们站在我背后就让我没法工作，他们就会骂我太粗鲁，“不够团队。”
I can't ride a bike.
我不会骑自行车。
I cannot open an envelope without completely destroying it.
我没法在不彻底破坏信封的前提下把信封打开。
I hear eye contact is supposed to be pretty easy.
我听说眼神接触本来应该是很简单的一件事。
Chopping onions. It's the bane of my cooking existence.
切洋葱。这是我烹饪生涯最大的污点。
One layer always slides off, and I'm just like....wtf? I'm great cook but I understand.
总有一层会滑下来，我真是草了……我做饭很棒，但我能明白。
My wife makes fun of my onion chopping goggles, but the joke's on her since she married me.
我老婆总是笑话我切洋葱要专门戴眼镜，但她才是那个小丑，因为她嫁给了我。
Making rice. Even with a rice cooker
煮米饭。哪怕用电饭煲也是。
I remember when covid hit I bought one of those 5 pound bags of rice when everyone was in panic mode and the grocery stores were empty. It was like the last one they had.
我记得新冠疫情刚开始的时候，大家都开始在恐慌中囤货，超市被抢购一空了，于是我买了那种5磅的大米，那是他们剩的唯一的食物了。
我自己不太做饭，但我寻思“煮点米饭能有这么难吗？”
其实确实没那么容易。要么又硬又恶心，要么烂成一摊恶心的糊糊。但我还是吃了，因为当时真的很难在我家附近找到吃的。米饭配鸡肉罐头。
Directional dyslexia so left-right confusion. Mostly when driving. It's fuckin annoying.
方向诵读困难，也就是分不清左右。基本是在开车的时候。真的非常烦人。
Once someone was driving me home late at night.
有一次深夜，有人开车送我回家。
他从没去过我家，所以在我家那条街和我们所在的那条街的交叉口，他问，“左还是右？”在犹豫了刚好很尴尬的一刻之后，我决定即兴表演一段，于是我说右边。车子往右拐了。完了，方向错了，我发现了。那个人说，“到了之后跟我说。”我开始害怕了。我说，“呃，在这儿停就行。”我说了拜拜，感谢了那个人，然后下了车，但是车子没走。“我等你上车呢。”啊。“啊，呃，我走回家吧，没事的。”但那个人还是在车上等着。于是我开始不管，直接往家里走。也就是说我得往十字路口那边回去。车子也在慢慢跟着我往回走。“你为什么要往回走，你没事儿吧？”车里的人问。“哦，对，哈哈！我累了”，我转了180度又接着走，往我家的反方向。恐慌越来越严重。T恤的后背脖子和腋窝都湿了。我在往哪走？“还远吗？”……妈的别再给我上压力了，我再思考！“没，我刚想起来大门可能关了。我可能得绕一圈。”很好的思考，女士。几年的表演课没白学。“别犯蠢了，我开车送你，回来吧。”
我回到车里哭了。之后的几分钟一片模糊。我最后还是到家了，不知道怎么回去的。
My friend had this same issue. I told her to stop thinking in terms of left and right. Instead, I told her to start associating left and right with driver and passenger. Rather than making a left hand turn, you make a driver side turn. Left equals driver and right equals passenger. This can work for not only driving. If you are sitting next to someone on a sofa or lying next to someone in bed, which side are you on? Think about your positioning in a car. If you live in the UK or any other place where they drive on the left side of the road, simply think in the reverse (left = passenger and right = driver). Not sure if this will help you, but it did help my friend after a month or two of adjusting her thinking.
我朋友也有同样的问题。我跟她说就别思考左右这个概念。我让她把左和右与驾驶位和副驾驶位联系起来。左转弯不是左转弯，是驾驶位转弯。左侧就是驾驶位，右侧就是副驾驶位。不只是开车的时候可以这样。如果你挨着某人坐在沙发上，或者躺在床上，你在那一边？想象一下你在车里是哪一边。如果你住在英国或者别的左侧驾驶的国家，那简单反过来就行了（左侧是副驾，右侧是驾驶位）。我不太确定这能不能帮到你，但这确实让我的朋友用一两个月改变了她的思维方式。
Handwriting. I can't even read my own...
手写。我甚至认不清楚我自己的手写……
when I was a kid, my parents told me I "HAVE to work on my pennmanship", because I'd never be able to get a job if nobody can read my handwriting.
在我还是一个孩子的时候，我家长跟我说我得“必须练练写字”，因为如果没人看得懂我写的是什么，那我永远也找不到工作。
结果他们错了，电脑和电子邮件正好出现，让手写几乎变得毫无用处。现在如果我需要填表，我就把表格交给我老婆。如果她不在附近的话我就会慌得要命，每五秒钟才能写出一个字母来。
幸运的是我现在年纪大了，所以人们可能会觉得我只不过是中风了，反倒觉得我还不错。
Not wasting money
不浪费钱
smile at pictures..
拍照的时候笑
Breathing. Automatic breathing is no problem, but when I do it manually I never seem to get it right. I can't figure out how often and for how long I need to inhale to get the right amount of air. Every time it happens I feel like I'm very slowly suffocating until I get distracted and it switches back to automatic.
呼吸。自动的呼吸没问题，但是只要我开始控制自己的呼吸，我好像就从来没弄对过。我弄不明白自己呼吸的频率，以及该吸多久才能吸入正确体积的空气。每次我都感觉自己是在非常缓慢地窒息，直到我被什么别的事情分身，我的呼吸切换回自动模式。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Telling time on an analogue clock. I have to figure it out each time and then convert it to 24 hour time. I’m 32 years old.
看表盘。我每次都得先看明白时间，再把时间转化成24小时制。我今年已经32岁了。
So your brain defaults to something like, "eight plus 12 is 20:00"?
所以你大脑的默认运行模式是“8+12就是20点”？
兄弟这是功能不是bug。
你知不知道有多少人是反着看时间的？
Cooking an omelette.
做煎蛋饼。
我能做很多好吃的，但我的蛋饼就是一坨屎。
When I'm done making an omelet I call it scrambled eggs.
当我做好煎蛋饼之后，我通常都会将它命名为炒鸡蛋。
2 Eggs per person, whisked with salt and pepper, drop a small blob of oil in a pan. Warm the oil, all over the bottom of the pan and drop in your egg mix and then using a spatula to gently go round the edges so the oil goes under the whole egg mix, heat for a approx 2 -3 minutes then flip the omelette. Voila. :) add whatever at this point and fold and serve.
每人两个鸡蛋，用盐和胡椒打匀，平底锅里倒一小摊油。热油，把油均匀涂抹在锅底，把蛋液倒进去，然后用锅铲轻轻修整边缘，让油能够浸润整片蛋饼的底部，加热大概2-3分钟，然后翻个面。完成！加你该加的东西，然后叠好装盘。
Try lower heat, stir until it starts looking like scrambled eggs and then flatten in the pan, let it sit a minute and then flip or roll depending on how well done you want the omelet. A non-stick pan and a rubber/flexible spatula is super helpful too.
试试关小火，不断轻轻搅拌，直到它看起来像是炒鸡蛋了，然后摊在平底锅里，让它先热一分钟，然后再翻面或者卷过来，取决于你想要几成熟。不粘锅和橡胶/柔软的锅铲也很有帮助。
我也一直做不明白，直到有个人跟我说用特别特别小的火。现在煎蛋卷已经成为我最喜欢的快手早午餐了。
Talking to kids. Every time I try I just feel like an idiot and I’m pretty sure the kids think I’m an idiot too.
跟孩子说话。我每次尝试都觉得自己就是个弱智，而且我很确定跟我说话的孩子们也会觉得我是个弱智。