有哪些原因可以解释为什么印度人出国定居时会感到沮丧?（下）

Raja S.
What are some reasons to explain why Indians get depressed when they go abroad to settle?
My answer might not sound very polite, I am just offering my 2 cents and I am sure those who have witnessed or experienced what I mention will be able to relate to it. Most people here have answered from US perspective, sounds like Indians going to other countries don’t use Quora or Quora is only used by Indian IT folks, who are abundant in the US.
Two types of Indians live in the US, I am considering only those that came as students and then start working or came on work visas in this example. Those who came at very young age or move here permanently on family based immigration (US citizen spouse or immediate relative) etc. are also excluded.

为什么印度人在出国定居时会感到沮丧？这有哪些原因呢：
我的回答听起来可能不太礼貌，我只是说说我的意见，我相信那些目睹或经历过我所提到的事情的人会有同感。这里的大多数人都是从美国的角度回答的，听起来去其他国家的印度人不使用Quora，或者Quora只供印度IT人员使用，在美国的印度IT人员是有很多的。
生活在美国的印度人有两种类型，在此，我只考虑那些作为学生来到美国，然后开始工作或持工作签证来到美国的人。那些在很小的时候就来到这里的人，或者是通过家庭移民(美国公民配偶或直系亲属)永久移民到这里的人，也被排除在外。

Type1-
Those who come to the US to earn money.
Type 2-
Those who come to US to have a better quality of life or experience a change or different culture.
Let me start with Type1-
1. Their goal is to save 85% of their paycheck. They live with a lot of roommates, maybe 4-5 in 2 bedroom apartment. Thankfully this is way better than Canada, Australia and NA where (as per some videos on YouTube and whatsapp groups) 15-20 people live together in a very unclean manner.
2. After the get their jobs and get married etc., they take one bedroom apartment and buy minimal furniture. I have seen people buying their first bed when their wife’s due date is only 2 months away. They spent their whole time on just a mattress that was kept on the floor. Numerous photos where they post a pic of the biriani they made at home, but the plate is lying on a beige carpet. No dining table.
The above two points might sound callous as not everyone is rich. Some had financial problems in India and their families still have shortage of money, previous loans etc., so they want to send as much as they can to India. I totally understand that.
But what I don’t understand is-

第一种类型
来美国赚钱。
第二种类型
来美国是为了获得更好的生活质量或体验一种变化或不同文化的人。
让我从第一种类型的人开始：
1、他们的目标是把工资的85%存起来。他们和很多室友住在一起，可能4-5人住在两居室的公寓里。值得庆幸的是，这比加拿大、澳大利亚和北美要好得多，在那里（根据油管和whatsapp群组上的一些视频），15-20人以非常不干净的方式生活在一起。
2、在他们找到工作、结婚之后，他们买了一居室的公寓，买最少的家具。我见过有人在离妻子预产期只有两个月的时候才买第一张床。他们整天都睡在放在地上的床垫上。他们上传了很多自己在家做的印度比尔亚尼菜的照片，但盘子置于米色的地毯上，没有餐桌。
以上两点听起来可能冷酷无情，因为并非每个人都富有。一些人在印度遇到了经济问题，他们的家庭仍然缺乏资金、以前还贷过款等，所以他们想尽可能多地向印度汇款，这我完全理解。
但我不明白的是

Why do they continue living like this (or a little better) even after a few years after their first job started?
1. They now purchased a flat in India and now they started sending back the EMI for that every month.
2. They invest in gold.
3. They save the money just for the sake of secure future.
4. OK the bed and a light weight couch with a coffee table has arrived but dining table is still missing and alcohol is still being served in disposable cups. This is a rhetorical statement, please don’t take it literally.
5. No social life- they just know their Indian co-workers or other friends that went with them in the same university for their masters.
6. No happy hours after work, no going out in the weekends. The only think they do is video call with their folks in India or discuss with their “Indian friends in US” about grocery coupons and deals.
7. OK, now they purchased a DSLR on black Friday, but the maybe only place they visit is next year is (drive to) Las Vegas on a thanksgiving holiday. That city is full of non immigrant Indians at that time. The hotel prices are very cheap as rest of the Americans spend that holiday at homes with their families. This is again a rhetorical statement.
8. They work like robots (like someone else said in their answer), doing “same” activities every day, for years to come.

为什么他们在开始第一份工作的几年后仍持续这样的生活方式（或者稍微好一点）？
1、他们现在在印度买了一套公寓，他们开始每月寄钱回去还分期贷款。
2、他们投资黄金。
3、他们存钱只是为了将来有保障。
4、好吧，已经布置了床和一张带咖啡桌的轻便沙发，但仍有没有布置餐桌，酒仍然装在一次性杯子里——这是一种修辞，请不要从字面上理解。
5、没有社交生活——他们只认识和他们一起在同一所大学攻读硕士学位的印度同事或其他朋友。
6、下班后没有欢乐时光，周末也不能出去玩。他们唯一想做的就是与印度的家人视频通话，或者与“在美国的印度朋友”讨论杂货优惠券和买卖方面的话题。
7、好吧，他们在黑色星期五买了一台单反，但他们可能唯一要去的地方是在明年的感恩节假期开车去拉斯维加斯。那个城市的那个时候到处都是非印度移民人士。酒店的价格非常便宜，因为其他美国人都和家人在家里一起过这个节日，这又是一个修辞性的陈述。
8、他们像机器人一样工作（就像其他人在回答中所说的那样），在未来的几年里每天都在做“同样”的活动。

Type2-
1. They pay their loans and send money home but don’t get greedy with that. So they just send 25% -30% of what they earn. This might take a year or two more to pay off their debts but they are patient.
2. They assimilate with their neighbors and coworkers, regardless of their race. They make Indian, European, middle eastern and American friends. They are not shy and don’t have inferiority complex due to their thick Indian accent, rather they stand out and get more attention as their non Indian friends are curious to know more about India and ask them a lot of questions.
3. They buy stuff to match their US lifestyle with what they had in India or would have in India (if they hadn’t moved).
4. They visit India or other attractions in the US once or twice a year.
5. Some of them even buy single family homes as an investment (appreciation is mostly expected in real estate, recessions don’t happen every year but once in 2 decades) while their GC is still pending. Also the make sure their fathers (who are visiting them on tourist visa) don’t water the lawn by holding a hose while wearing lungi. They buy them track pants to take a stroll in the neighborhood. This is a rhetoric, I am trying to hit the assimilation subject here.
6. They always have something new to do every weekend, make plans, go to neighbors or friends for BBQ, take their kids to play dates, Chuck-E. Cheese’s, Disneyland etc.

第二种类型的人
1、他们偿还贷款，寄钱回家，但他们不是很渴望。所以他们只把收入的25% -30%寄出去。这可能需要一两年的时间来还清他们的债务，他们很有耐心。
2、他们与邻居和同事同化了，不分种族。他们结交了印度、欧洲、中东和美国的朋友。他们并不害羞，也没有因为浓重的印度口音而自卑，相反，他们脱颖而出，受到更多关注，因为他们的非印度朋友好奇地想了解更多关于印度的信息，并问他们很多问题。
3、他们买东西是为了让他们在美国的生活方式与他们在印度的生活方式相匹配（如果他们没有搬家的话）。
4、他们每年去印度或美国的其他景点一两次。
5、他们中的一些人甚至购买单户住宅作为投资（房地产大多预期会升值，经济衰退不是每年都会发生，而是大约每二十年发生一次），而他们的绿卡（GC）申请仍在等待中。同时，他们确保他们的父亲（持旅游签证来访的）不会在穿着围裙时手持水管给草坪浇水。他们为父亲们购买运动裤，以便他们在社区里散步。这是一种修辞手法，我在这里试图触及同化的主题。
6、他们每周末总有新鲜事要做，制定计划，去邻居或朋友家参加烧烤聚会，带孩子们去玩耍约会，去Chuck-E. Cheese's（查克芝士餐厅，一家以儿童为主题的连锁餐厅和娱乐场所），还有迪士尼乐园等等。

Now which out of these two types you think will have a depression in the USA? Type1 or Type1?
I do understand that there are visa uncertainties, job security is not that great these days, but I still see people who are well secure but living as Type1.
Do people really think they will have a better social life in Bangalore, Gurgaon, Pune, Hydrabad? Maybe those who are local and were born and raised in these cities will. But what about the rest who moved from other small cities from different parts of India? They don’t even sometimes know the local language.
Do people really think that IT people don’t work like robots in India? The last time I checked, the work culture was even worse.
One cant be happy after moving to foreign and unless they adapt a little as per the foreign land and culture, and adopt the foreign land a little. Depression is inevitable if your mindset and lifestyle is like Type1, be it in India or outside India.
When people leave their home country for a foreign land, they do so in hope for greener pastures. But they should not take anything for granted. Happiness has to be earned. Those who lament a bland life should ask themselves- did someone force them to leave their home country? Did their employer forcefully file their H1 or L1 and then forced them to live in the USA for 5 years? Or were they really naive and didn’t know that they will not have their near and dear ones in the US, for obvious reasons.
P.S- Some of the answers on the same subject on Quora sound like “mummy ki yaad aati hai" meaning “I miss my mom", I cry a lot etc. are very juvenile that I sometimes think people needed to cut their umbilical cord long back in India itself before they moved to a foreign country.

你认为在美国，这两种类型中哪一种更可能患上抑郁症？类型1还是类型2？
我明白现在签证存在不确定性，工作保障也不是很好，但我仍然看到有些人工作相当稳定，但生活方式却是类型1。
人们真的认为在班加罗尔、古尔冈、普纳、海得拉巴，他们会有更好的社交生活吗？也许那些在这些城市出生和长大的人会这样认为。但那些从印度其他小城市搬来的人呢？他们有时甚至不懂当地的语言。
人们真的认为在印度IT行业的工作者不像机器人一样工作吗？上次我查看的时候，发现那里的工作文化甚至更糟糕。
如果一个人搬到外国，却带着类型1的心态和生活方式，无论是在印度还是国外，他都不会快乐。除非他们稍微适应一下外国的土地和文化，否则抑郁是不可避免的。
当人们离开自己的祖国去外国时，他们是希望找到更好的生活。但他们不应该把任何事情视为理所当然。幸福是需要争取的。那些抱怨生活乏味的人应该问问自己——是有人强迫他们离开自己的祖国吗？是他们的雇主强行为他们办理了H1或L1签证，然后强迫他们在美国生活5年吗？还是他们真的很天真，不知道他们在美国不会有亲朋好友，这是显而易见的。
附言——在Quora上关于同一主题的一些回答听起来像是“我想念妈妈”，“我经常哭泣”等，这些回答非常幼稚，有时我觉得人们在搬到外国之前，就应该在印度剪掉他们的脐带。

Anonymous
My answer is pretty similar to another Anonymous answer, the major difference being our professions, she is working and I am not.
The easiest way to make friends was to meet my husband’s colleagues’ wives, but it did not work for me because either they were working, or the colleagues were staying here alone without their wives and kids.
Many of them were in Canada for more than 5 years, had a house, 2 cars with no idea of public transport or Indian grocery stores! They were so engrossed in consumerism, jobs, socialising (attending 2–3 parties every weekend) and trying to be richer than the next person, that we could not be really be friends. Plus, there is a compulsive need to fit into the Canadian lifestyle by consuming alcohol REGULARLY, which led us to be out of many friend circles.

我的回答与另一个匿名回答非常相似，主要区别在于我们的职业，她在工作而我没有。
交朋友最简单的方式是通过认识丈夫的同事的妻子们，但这对我来说行不通，因为她们要么在工作，要么同事们是独自一人在这里，没有妻子和孩子。
他们中的许多人在加拿大已经生活了五年以上，有房子，两辆车，却对公共交通或印度杂货店一无所知！他们如此沉迷于消费主义、工作、社交（每周末参加2-3个派对），并试图比下一个人更富有，以至于我们真的无法成为朋友。此外，有一种强迫性的需求，要通过定期饮酒来适应加拿大的生活方式，这导致我们被排除在许多朋友圈之外。

How we drink: Here's everything you need to know about Canadians' overall boozy habits
Some of the colleagues took for granted that we will babysit for endless hours, FREE. Their schedules, day care, office, weekend birthday parties, everything is child-centric, because there are no grand parents or cousins to play with, unlike India.
A whopping and disturbing majority of Indian housewives do not venture out on their own. They are completely dependent on their husbands for travel and transportation like prehistoric times. I made futile attempts to coax them into going to a grocery store and a cup of coffee. Many chauvinistic men do not allow their wives to step out. The wife can work, but after office she is prohibited from leaving the apartment building. It is the reverse of development!
Many wives come here after the husband has resided here for at least 6 months or has PR. By the time the wife arrives, she has an apartment, health insurance, bank account and in some cases a car. We, on the other hand were staying in a run down, away-from-civilisation, never-heard-of motel and hunted for a 1 bedroom Jr. apartment in 14 days with no reference, no credit card, no mobile number, no car. We also lived without health insurance for 9 months, and fell terribly sick in the meantime. It is a good time to add that our standard of living fell drastically compared to our lives in Pune/Hyderabad.

我们如何饮酒：这里是你需要了解的关于加拿大人整体饮酒习惯的一切。
有些同事认为这是理所当然的：我们会免费为你照看孩子。他们的时间表、日托、办公室、周末生日派对，一切都是以孩子为中心，因为没有祖父母或堂兄弟姐妹可以一起玩，这与印度不同。
令人震惊和不安的是，大多数印度家庭主妇不愿独自外出。她们在旅行和交通上完全依赖丈夫，就像史前时代一样。我曾试图徒劳地说服她们去杂货店和喝杯咖啡。许多大男子主义的男人不允许他们的妻子出门。妻子可以工作，但下班后被禁止离开公寓楼，这是发展的倒退！
许多妻子在丈夫至少居住了6个月或获得了永久居民身份后来到这里。到妻子到达时，她已经有了公寓、健康保险、银行账户，有时还有车。而我们则住在一个破旧的、远离文明、从未听说过的汽车旅馆里，在14天内寻找一套一室的小公寓，没有推荐、没有信用卡、没有手机号码、没有车。我们还曾在没有健康保险的情况下生活了9个月，并在此期间病得很严重。正好补充下，与我们在普纳/海得拉巴的生活相比，我们的生活水平急剧下降。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

The elder (late 70s and early 80s born) generation who are in Canada belong to two categories. First category is fully westernised with mortgage, alcohol, traffic, parties, Lakeshore 4 bedroom houses, frozen and packaged foods for daily meals, and is reluctant to acknowledge that Indian cities now have a much better lifestyle than early 2000s. They also tend to shun Indian customs, speak only English, watch only western sports and movies etc. The amazing benefits of being bilingual
They derive a sadistic pleasure by belittling India for dirt, pollution and traffic. They take pride in this traffic-Soul sucking traffic delays in Toronto and Montreal hurt your productivity, 'quality of life'
2016 the deadliest year for pedestrians in Toronto in over a decade

在加拿大的年长一代（70年代末和80年代初出生）分为两类。第一类完全西化，有抵押贷款、饮酒、交通、派对、湖岸四居室房子、冷冻和包装食品作为日常餐食，并且不愿意承认印度城市当下的生活方式比2000年代初要好得多。他们也倾向于回避印度习俗，只说英语，只看西方体育和电影等，懂双语的惊人好处。
他们通过贬低印度的肮脏、污染和交通来获得一种施虐的快感。他们对这种交通状况感到自豪——在多伦多和蒙特利尔，令人窒息的交通拥堵会影响你的工作效率和“生活质量”。
2016年是多伦多十多年来行人死亡人数最多的一年

The other category of the same generation is stuck inside their houses. They watch only their regional language movies daily after office. These groups also throw parties where alcohol guzzling is abundant at any bachelor's apartment.Are You a Weekend Alcoholic?They do nothing to experience Canadian nature and culture from the periphery, without falling into the vortex of materialism. They do not explore other Canadian restaurants, shops for tools and hardware, clothes, cosmetics or home decor.
In a nutshell, it is difficult to stay here without family and friends, who won’t judge you by your residential address, wardrobe, car, and credit cards.

同一代的另一类人被困在自己的房子里。他们每天下班后只看本地语言电影。这些团体还会在单身公寓举办派对——放肆饮酒，你是周末酒鬼吗？他们没有从外围体验加拿大的自然和文化，没有陷入物质主义的漩涡。他们不去其它加拿大的餐馆、工具和五金店、服装店、化妆品或家居装饰店。
简而言之，没有家人和朋友，在这里很难呆下去，他们不会根据你的住址、衣柜、汽车和信用卡来评判你。

Manish Sharma
Indians, unlike many other immigrant groups aren’t able to cut their roots. We are told from a young age that India is great, despite all it’s issues and we’re unable to let that go. Most of us don’t let go of our accents(It’s hard), our traditional names(Great names, mostly!), our food(Bale Bale!) and our culture.
I was depressed as a teenager at school. I had to pretend to be like non-Indian kids(most of them were actually not white), follow sports they followed, listen to the music they listened to, enjoy lunch they enjoyed and follow a culture I didn’t understand. I though there was something wrong with me for being depressed.
That was until the first week of university, I met my two best mates. Admittedly, we came from different backgrounds in India, we knew we had a lot in common. Over the years we’ve all admitted that we couldn’t be non-Indian, it’s ingrained in us. We’re not alone, all Indians(newly arrived or born here) eventually ended up in small groups with other Indians. We don’t need to explain a lot of things to each other and it’s easier.
Note: This is in a purely Australian context. India isn’t as far from here as it is from other places but I saw the same in US.

印度人与其它许多移民群体不同，他们无法割断自己的根基。我们从小就被告知印度很棒，尽管它存在许多问题，我们却无法放下这一点。我们大多数人不会放弃我们的口音（很难），我们的传统名字（大多数名字都很棒），我们的食物（巴莱巴莱！）和我们的文化。
我十几岁的时候在学校很沮丧。我不得不假装自己像非印度孩子一样(他们中的大多数实际上不是白人)，跟随他们喜欢的运动，听他们喜欢的音乐，吃他们喜欢的午餐，遵循我不理解的文化。我曾经认为，因为我感到沮丧，所以我出了问题。
直到大学的第一周，我遇到了我最好的两个朋友。不可否认，我们在印度有着不同背景，但是我们知道我们有很多共同之处。多年来，我们都承认我们不能成为非印度人，这钟想法在我们心中是根深蒂固的。我们并不孤单，所有印度人（新来的或在这里出生的）最终都会和其他印度人形成小团体。我们不需要向彼此解释很多事情，这样更轻松。
注：这纯粹是在澳大利亚的背景下。印度离这里并不像离其他地方那么远，但我在美国也看到了同样的情况。