外网网友无奈发帖提问“我20岁的儿子不约会，他的朋友不约会，我朋友的孩子也不约会，发生了什么事？”
My 20 year old son doesn't date. His friends don't date. My friends kids don't date. What is going on?
译文简介
当我十几岁和二十岁出头的时候，我和朋友的生活都围绕着结识女孩。
正文翻译
When I was in my late teens and early 20s, life for my friends and me revolved around meeting girls. My son and his friends, who are athletic and outgoing, don't seem to put a lot of emphasis on dating. They play a lot of online video games, and have boys outtings. Once in a while one will hook up with a random girl they met on an app. Rarely does one have a girlfriend. This seems to be the norm for my friends' kids too. What is going on?
当我十几岁和二十岁出头的时候，我和朋友的生活都围绕着结识女孩。我儿子和他的朋友们都是运动型的，性格外向，但似乎并不太重视约会。他们玩很多在线电子游戏，而且组织男孩聚会。偶尔会有人与通过应用认识的陌生女孩搭讪。很少有女朋友。这似乎也是我朋友的孩子们的常态。发生了什么事？
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
评论翻译
很赞 ( 6 )
收藏
I’ve been teaching high school for 2 decades. The number of kids dating is very low compared to 20 years ago. For the first 10 years or so, there would be students canoodling/making out in the hallways. I’m happy to report I don’t have to see that anymore, haha. It’s really unusual to even see high schoolers even holding hands.
It takes a lot of effort to get kids to talk to each other in class. They walk in to the room from the passing period and continue to be on their phones. I can’t even say they are texting (talking to each other), but just mindlessly scrolling. Teaching has become exhausting for so many reasons, but the amount of effort teachers make to draw students out, talk, be present, and ask questions, engage in any meaningful way rivals staging a Broadway production. It doesn’t surprise me that kids aren’t connecting, let alone dating, because the default setting is to just not talk to anyone.
我已经在高中教了20年书。与20年前相比，约会的孩子数量非常少。在最初的10年左右，会有学生在走廊里亲热。很高兴告诉大家，我再也不用看到这种情况了，哈哈。甚至看到高中生牵手都是很不寻常的。
在课堂上，让孩子们彼此交流需要很大的努力。他们从上课前的过渡时间走进教室，继续玩手机。我甚至不能说他们在发短信（互相交流），而只是毫无目的地滑动屏幕。由于许多原因，教学已经变得令人筋疲力尽，但老师们为引导学生交流、谈话、保持关注并提出问题付出的努力，以任何有意义的方式参与，堪比策划一场百老汇演出。我不觉得奇怪孩子们没有交往，更不用说约会了，因为默认设置就是不与任何人交谈。
Fuck that’s depressing. I’ve been looking into ditching my smart phone. Get a dumb phone at least with text and navigation. Get an mp3 player & flashlight and I’m ready to raw dog life again baby.
该死，这真是令人沮丧。我一直在考虑摆脱我的智能手机。至少换一个只有发短信和导航功能的简易手机。再买一个MP3播放器和手电筒，我就可以重新享受生活了。
According to my middle schooler, the dating scene there is quite lively. So much drama about who likes who and who is breaking up.
根据我的中学学生所说的，他们那里的约会场面相当热闹。 关于谁喜欢谁、谁分手的戏剧性事件太多了。
Teaching post grad lecturer here. I observe the same with people in their 25+. Of a class of 20 perhaps two actually participate. The rest expects wisdom to befall them, sitting there and starring at the screen. Also not open for interactive teaching or group work. Some of them actually complain that they don't like having assingments bc they don't have the time. It is now expected of the school/uni to provide all material in prestine quality, including a nicely written scxt, at best in simplified language and "sound bites" of 1-2 minutes max. Not a good development.
Re. Group work: I tried with individual assignments. Results: perhaps 4 out of 20 actually work on it. The other just browse the internet and when prompted say things like "I'll do it later" and "It seems too much work for now". With group work at least I get some discussion going.
我是一名研究生讲师。我观察到25岁以上的人也有相同的情况。在一个班级中，也许只有两个人真正参与。其余的人则期望智慧降临，坐在那里盯着屏幕。他们也不愿意进行互动教学或小组作业。其中一些人实际上抱怨说他们不喜欢被分配任务，因为他们没有时间。现在，学校/大学被期望以最佳的简化语言提供所有材料，包括精心撰写的脚本和最多1-2分钟的“片段”。这不是一个好的发展。
关于小组作业：我尝试过个人作业。结果是：也许20人中只有4个人真正去完成。其他人只是浏览互联网，当被提醒时说一些像“我过会再做”和“现在看起来太多工作了”的话。至少通过小组工作，我能进行一些讨论。
I’m old and went to school before smartphones, but please believe me when I tell you most everyone hates group work.
我年纪很大，在智能手机出现之前上学，但请相信我告诉你的，几乎每个人都讨厌小组工作。
Group work teaches us one of two things:
people are pushovers and I can skate by on the backs of my peers.
Everyone is useless and I can get this done quicker on my own
小组作业会教会我们两件事之一：
人们是好说话的，我可以靠同伴轻松度过。
每个人都是没用的，我自己一个人能更快完成。
Seriously, if theres one thing ive learned in life its that i cant expect to count on anyone to help me.
说真的，如果我在生活中学到了什么，那就是我不能指望任何人来帮助我。
Can’t speak for your son, but personally, I just have no game whatsoever.
不能代表你儿子说话，但就我个人而言，我实在是毫无社交技巧（俚语）。
the young and the rizzless
年轻且缺乏魅力
It’s actually gotten to the point where my family asks “When are you gonna bring a girlfriend… or boyfriend home?”
事实上，情况已经到了这个地步，以至于我的家人问：“你什么时候会带个女朋友...或者男朋友回家？”
I was in my early 30s and my folks pulled me aside, threw up their hands and down in exhausted frustration and dad just stammered, "You need... you need a companion."
When singleness causes an intervention.
我那时刚过30岁，我的父母把我拉到一边，双手一摊，疲惫地叹了口气，爸爸结结巴巴地说，“你需要…你需要一个伴侣。”
当单身引发了一场干预。
My parents recently told me I needed to lower my standards or I'd never meet anyone.... I'd hardly call "must have a sense of humour, and must NOT be a d*ckhead" overly high standards!
我父母最近告诉我，我需要降低标准，否则我永远也遇不到任何人...我几乎不认为“必须有幽默感，而且不能是个混蛋”是过高的标准！
My mom just occasionally threw jokes at me that I'm gay since I've never had a girlfriend. Even my dad points out that the reason why I haven't had a girlfriend is probably because of how my mom treats my dad. I don't want a relationship like they have.
我妈妈偶尔拿我从来没交女朋友开玩笑说我是同性恋。甚至我爸爸也指出，我没有女朋友的原因可能是因为我妈妈对待我爸爸的方式。我不想要像他们一样的关系。
think ur dad is on to something.
我想你爸爸说到点子上了。
Part of it has to be that guys are simply around women a lot less these days outside of school hours. People are far less likely to leave their homes.
部分原因是，现在男生在课余时间很少和女生在一起。人们离开家的可能性要小得多。
When school ends, the only places you tend to go are work and home. Literally everywhere else costs money to be, and with prices the way they are, who can afford to sit in a bar and pay more for one glass than a whole bottle would cost at the liquor store.
People be working their asses off just to exist, there's no time for anything else, and even when there is, there's nowhere to do it, and with nowhere to exist that's not work or home, there's no time or place to get to know people anymore.
放学后，你唯一去的地方就是工作地点和家。实际上，其他地方都要花钱，而且随着物价的上涨，谁能负担得起坐在酒吧里，为一杯酒支付的钱比在酒类商店购买一整瓶还要多呢。
人们为了生存而拼命工作，没有时间做其他事情，即使有时间，也没有地方可以去。而且并不存在不是工作地点或家的地点，就没有时间或地方再去认识人了。
Also, it's pretty common for people in their 20s still live with their parents these days - which puts a pretty major damper on things.
I grew up when life was affordable and had my own apartment at 17, and bought my first house at 19. Having that kind of independence changes the whole dynamic of dating, sex, etc.
Nobody is having naked hot tub parties at their mom's house.
此外，现在20多岁的人仍然和父母住在一起，这很常见，这对事情造成了很大的影响。
我在生活负担得起的时候长大，17岁就有了自己的公寓，19岁买了第一套房子。拥有这种独立性会改变约会、性等的整个动态。
没有人会在妈妈家举办裸体热水浴缸派对。
I think a big part of that is because there's nowhere left to go that doesn't cost money. Young men and women used to meet a lot at community centers or just walking around, or even at like bowling alleys/arcades. Though with the latter, those still did cost money, but now are kind of out of fashion. Plus, gaming systems are very accessible to buy and have at home now.
Also I think newer generations of boys (myself included, I'm 27, so a bit older) are being socialized to approach women in public less, even in places where it's socially acceptable, or they're scared to because of potentially being accused of harassment. Some of this is not necessarily bad, but if it gets to the point where it dissuades people from trying to form relationships altogether, that's a problem.
The end result could be somewhere like Japan. Even though they have different cultural factors at play, the government is trying to get people to have more babies because of their aging population. There's not just economic concerns, but social ones as well. I think Japan will try to use technology to solve this problem, I don't know if it will be enough. Anyway, food for thought.
我认为其中一个很大的原因是因为再也找不到不花钱的地方了。年轻男女过去常常在社区中心、四处溜达，甚至在保龄球馆/游戏厅相遇。尽管后者仍然需要花钱，但现在已经有些过时了。而且，现在购买并在家里拥有游戏系统非常容易。
我还认为，新一代的男孩（包括我自己，我27岁，算有点年头了）在公共场合与女性交往的社会化程度降低了，即使在社会上是可以接受的地方，或者他们因为可能被指控骚扰而感到害怕。其中一些不一定是坏事，但如果它达到了阻止人们尝试建立关系的程度，那就是个问题。
最终结果可能会类似于日本。尽管他们有不同的文化因素，但政府正试图让人们生更多的孩子，因为他们的人口老龄化。不仅是经济上的问题，还有社会上的问题。我认为日本将尝试使用技术来解决这个问题，不知道是否足够。总之，值得思考。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Before the most recent presidential election I was in a line at a bar to get a beer. The tv on the wall was showing yet another political ad. I remarked to the girl in line next to that I would be glad when the election was over so we wouldn’t have to see political ads. She aggressively responded, “leave me alone.” I didn’t intend in any way to be hitting on her or anything, I thought we were all having a communal moment in line, but her response made me feel horrible. I have a tremendous fear of being a creep of creepy and I felt like I had done that. I apologized but she didn’t respond. After she got her beer the woman behind me said, “she must be having a rough day,” but it didn’t make me feel better. I still cringe when I think about it even though I know logically my intent wasn’t creepy. I’ve been in a relationship for over a decade thankfully. I guess I see why people use apps. Approaching people in public seems risky these days. However, I do break the #1 rule of dating: I’m not very attractive.
在最近一次总统选举之前，我在一家酒吧排队买啤酒。墙上的电视上正在播放一则政治广告。我对旁边排队的女孩说，选举结束后我会很高兴，这样我们就不用看政治广告了。她咄咄逼人地回应道：“别烦我。”我无意以任何方式搭讪她或有任何意图，我以为我们都在排队享受公共时刻，但她的反应让我感到可怕。我非常害怕成为一个令人恶心的人，我觉得我已经做到了。我道歉了，但她没有回应。她喝完啤酒后，我身后的女人说：“她今天一定很难过。”但这并没有让我感觉好些。当我想到这件事时，我仍然感到畏缩，尽管从逻辑上我知道我的意图并不令人恶心。谢天谢地，我恋爱十多年了。我想我明白人们为什么使用应用程序了。如今，在公共场合接近他人似乎很危险。然而，我确实打破了约会的第一条规则：我不是很有吸引力。
This is just my theory, but it seems to me that the internet has provided so much access to a diverse range of content and interests that common ground is harder to find.
When I was younger, we all watched the same tv shows and played the same games. Now there are tens of thousands of content creators, shows, games, and subcultures available to us that even if you meet someone who likes the same things as you in general, the chances of you sharing much common ground are slim.
I remember a time when playing games was something you could bond over, and the chances of overlap in games you'd played was high. Nowadays even if you both game, the chances are that one of you plays 5 different first person shooters while the other only plays farming sims. Maybe you both watch anime? Back in the 90s/2000s this basically meant watching Dragon Ball Z and Avatar TLA, or maybe Naruto. But now there's a good chance one of you only watches Shonen anime discussed by a particular YouTube channel, while the other exclusively watches anime from a particular studio. This of course applies to any number of things, from superficial interests like fashion, down to core philosophical beliefs. High schoolers are even discriminating against each other for having an Android phone instead of an iPhone and vice versa, or so I'm told.
The curse we're currently suffering from is one of overabundance and ease of access, which creates so much room for differences of opinion that it's harder to find common ground outside of those you developed your interests with in the first place.
这只是我的理论，但在我看来，互联网为我们提供了如此多元的内容和兴趣访问，以至于共同点变得更难找到。
在我年轻的时候，我们都看同样的电视节目，玩同样的游戏。现在有成千上万的内容创作者、节目、游戏和亚文化可供选择，即使你遇到一个总体上喜欢相同事物的人，你们之间有很多共同点的机会也很小。
我记得以前玩游戏是一种你们可以因此建立联系的方式，你们玩过的游戏有很高的重叠几率。如今，即使你们都是游戏玩家，有可能其中一个人玩5种不同的第一人称射击游戏，而另一个人只玩农场模拟游戏。也许你们两个都喜欢看动漫？在90年代和2000年代，这基本上意味着看《龙珠Z》和《降世神通》或者《火影忍者》。但现在很有可能其中一个人只看某个YouTube频道讨论的少年动漫，而另一个人专门看某个动画制片厂的动漫。当然，这适用于任何数量的事物，从表面兴趣如时尚，到核心哲学信仰。甚至高中生们因为使用Android手机而歧视使用iPhone的同学，反之亦然，或者这是我听说的。
我们目前遭受的诅咒是过度丰富和获取的便利性，这创造了许多意见差异的空间，以至于在那些最初培养兴趣的人之外更难找到共同点。
This is a good observation. The "Balkanization" of cultural touch-stones.
这是一个很好的观察。文化试金石（反映文化气质的事物）的“巴尔干化（地缘政治术语，一个较大的国家或地区分裂成较小的国家或地区的过程，这些国家或地区关系紧张甚至处于敌对状态）”。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Excellent observation. This is the first time I've seen this theory.
However when I was in high school back in the 80s, we didn't start dating a girl because we played the same video games or watched the same movies. We started dating a girl because of simple things like being in the same class at school, having a mutual friend, being in band together, or our parents were friends. That's literally all it took. Most of the time the kids that dated each other had very little in common, entertainment-wise. We dated each other just because of opportunity and then formed common bonds after we met.
I don't recall ever dating any girl that I had something real in common with, other than something trivial like being coincidentally placed in adjacent desks by the Spanish teacher.
Every girl I dated was interested in very different games, video games, outings, movies, music, sports, books, magazines, and even religion than me. When we dated we introduced each other to new things and bonded over new interests. My marriage came out of a girl I met in college just by chance, who had an entirely different background, religion, music, age group, family history, culture, friends, major, even state. We had very little in common, other than attending the same school.
出色的观察。这是我第一次看到这个理论。
然而，当我在80年代上高中时，我们并不是因为玩相同的视频游戏或看相同的电影而开始和女孩约会的。我们开始约会是因为一些简单的事情，比如在学校上同一节课，有共同的朋友，一起参加管乐队，或者我们的父母是朋友。那就是全部。大多数时候，约会的孩子在娱乐方面几乎没有什么共同之处。我们之间只是因为机会而约会，然后在相识后形成了共同的纽带。
我记不得曾经和有真正共同之处的女孩约会过，除了像碰巧被西班牙语老师安排在相邻的桌子旁那样微不足道的事情。
我和每一个我约会过的女孩在游戏、视频游戏、外出、电影、音乐、体育、书籍、杂志，甚至宗教方面都有非常不同的兴趣。当我们在一起时，我们会向对方介绍新事物，并在新的兴趣上建立共鸣。我的婚姻是和我在大学偶然遇到的一个女孩发展而来的，她来自完全不同的背景、宗教、音乐、年龄段、家庭历史、文化、朋友圈、专业，甚至州。我们几乎没有什么共同之处，除了在同一所学校就读。
Every time you leave the house, you're probably spending $50-$100 if you go to another location. Doesn't matter what you're doing, you're gonna pay out the ass. Therefore, it's not really financially responsible to date when you're young.
每次你离开家，如果去另一个地方，你可能要花费50美元到100美元。无论你做什么，你都会付出代价。因此，当你年轻时，约会实际上不是经济上的负责任行为。
for real. just filling the car with gas is $30-60 right off the bat
确实。只是给车加满油就要30到60美元。
The death of inexpensive third spaces for people to just “hang out”. The increasing online nature of relationships. A Global pandemic exacerbating both.
可供人们“闲逛”的廉价第三空间的消亡。人际关系日益网络化。全球疫情加剧了这两种情况。
And yes I strongly agree with this. Where can people just loiter and hang out without having to spend money these days?
是的，我非常同意这一点。如今，人们在哪里闲逛而不必花钱？
Even still. I’m fine with spending 8 bucks to patronize a small shop that I can sit in and talk to people but there’s no community in these shops because you have to get in a car and go on a massive road.
You can’t just walk out of your house and down the street to the local shop and gossip about the dog poop issue in the neighborhood
即便如此。我还是愿意花8美元光顾一个小商店，我可以在里面坐下和人聊天，但这些商店里没有社区，因为你得开车上大马路。
你不能只是走出家门，沿着街道走到附近的商店，谈论一下社区中的狗屎问题。
Dating is expensive.
Having hobbies that aren't Gig work can be expensive.
And anything that takes you out of the house generally requires things that are expensive (car, insurance, gas, eating out while away from home)
And worst of all, a lot of work just doesn't pay enough... especially for the younger generation.
约会是昂贵的。
拥有零工以外的业余爱好是很昂贵的。
而且任何带你走出家门的事情通常都需要一些昂贵的东西(汽车、保险、汽油、在外就餐)。
最糟糕的是，很多工作的报酬都不够……尤其是对年轻一代。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处