哪10个习惯会破坏你们的关系（三）
What are the 10 habits that can destroy your relationship?
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网友：注释：又是一个冗长的答案。我很抱歉，我是说我们的关系很糟糕。是的，你知道！有很多事情要谈。别恨我哈，继续读！！我们生活在一个一切都是一次性的世界。如果你不喜欢某样东西/ /或者它不符合你的期望，你就把它扔掉，再买一个新的......
正文翻译
What are the 10 habits that can destroy your relationship?
哪10个习惯会破坏你们的关系?
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Note: Another lengthy answer. My apologies. I mean our relationships are pretty messed up. Yeah, you know it! There is so much to talk about. Don’t hate me. Read on!!
We live in a world where everything is disposable. You don’t like something / / or isn’t to your expectations, you throw it away and get a new one.
When you are done with someone or don’t like them anymore: you dexe them, block them and walk away.
We are not into working things out and we don’t fix things anymore. We just chuck them.
We want the next perfect thing and that gets old too and there is nothing perfect.
We worship the dizzying irrational Disney romantic love. We are raised in a culture that obxtify each other and not respect each other and support each other: How sad!
注释：又是一个冗长的答案。我很抱歉，我是说我们的关系很糟糕。是的，你知道！有很多事情要谈。别恨我哈，继续读！！
我们生活在一个一切都是一次性的世界。如果你不喜欢某样东西/ /或者它不符合你的期望，你就把它扔掉，再买一个新的。
当你和某人的关系结束或不再喜欢他们，删除他们，封锁有关他们的信息，然后走开。
我们不想解决问题，也不再修复问题。我们只是不理会它们。
我们想着下一件会是完美的东西，可那也会变旧，没有什么是完美的。
我们崇拜迪斯尼那种荒谬的非理性浪漫爱情。我们成长在一种相互物化、互不尊重、互不支持的文化中:多么可悲!
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Assumptions: He didn’t ring me, probably he is hanging out with some other woman. Then when he rings you, you launch into a argument. Now you have made him mad and both of you end up in a huge argument. Making assumptions is damaging to a relationship. You’re basically deciding a thought you’re having is ‘fact’ when you don’t have all the information.
Passive aggression: Ugh! Don’t even get me started on this. If someone does that to me, I would be like “ Dude, your passive aggressive response was duly noted and fully expected. Please forgive me for not caring”. How is passive aggression going to help anyone? Come here! Tell me, what’s upsetting you? Don’t find small and petty ways to piss me off so you’ll then feel justified in complaining to me. Don’t bottle up your anger inside. You need to communicate and state what your feelings and desires are.
一些令人不愉快的和破坏性的习惯可能会结束一段关系：
做出如下假设：他没有给你打电话，可能是和别的女人在一起。然后当他给你打电话时，你就开始争吵。现在你把他弄疯了，你们俩最终都陷入了一场激烈的争论。做出假设会于关系而言是有损害的。当你没了解所有的信息时，你基本上是将你的想法定义为“事实”。
被动攻击：啊!别让我再提这个了。如果有人这样对我，我会说：“老兄，你被动的攻击性反应已经被注意到了，完全在预料之中，请原谅我对此是不在乎的”。被动攻击对别人有什么帮助呢？来，告诉我吧，是什么让你心烦？别找那些鸡毛蒜皮的小事来惹我生气，这样你才有理由向我抱怨。不要把你的愤怒憋在心里。你需要沟通和陈述你的感受和愿望。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
They just shove everything under the carpet and give you a silent treatment. Gaslighting, manipulation tactics, Stonewalling, or Yelling during a argument will eventually make it harder for your partner to get along.
There is a common thing when partners fight they threaten to leave. That is so wrong (unless there is abuse). Don’t threaten to leave for silly things. “ You never bring me flowers, I can’t be with you if you can not even bring flowers to me”. It’s emotional blackmail and it creates tons of unnecessary drama. Every minor hiccup in the flow of the relationship results in a perceived commitment crisis.
you Instead communicate and address the issue. You should know that in a relationship Negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely. We are all adults. Aren’t we? Sometimes, we might not agree on something but, when you love them, you need to love them through thick and thin. Otherwise it will lead to an environment of distrust and manipulation. Communicate without judgement and blackmail.
有些人无法公平竞争：
他们只是把一切都隐藏起来，对你不理不睬。 煤气灯效应（一种心理操纵的形式）、操纵策略、设置障碍或在争吵中大喊大叫最终会让你的伴侣更难相处。
当伴侣吵架时，他们威胁要离开，这是很常见的事情。这是错误的（除非存在虐待）。不要威胁说要去做傻事。“你从没给我送过花，如果你连花都不能送给我，我就不能和你在一起”。这是情感勒索，制造了大量不必要的戏剧性事件。关系流程中的每一个小插曲都会导致一场感知到的承诺危机。
相反，你应该沟通并解决问题。你应该知道，在一段关系中，消极的想法和感受可以安然地交流的，我们都是成年人。不是吗？有时候，我们可能在某些事情上意见不一致，但是，当你爱他们时，无论遇到什么情况都需要你爱他们。否则，它将导致一个不信任和操控的环境，并且在交流时不要评判和威胁。
If you are having a bad day don’t come at your partner and lash out at them for not being supportive. Have some control, tell them how you are feeling and that you would need them to be with you.
Blaming our partners for our emotions is a subtle form of selfishness and a classic example of the poor Maintainence of personal boundaries. There is a whole lot of problems you will have to face if you depend on others for your emotions, you will end up being Co- dependent, breed resentment.
期望：不要期望你的伴侣能读懂你的想法，除非他们是受过训练的读心术者。我理解你这个心思，你会希望他们能预测你的需求。（会这项技能的人可能存在于火星上）。在你从火星找到一个之前，让我们告诉他们你需要什么。我们可能不会得到我们所要求的一切（也没有圣诞老人），不要把所有的情绪都发泄在你的伴侣身上。
如果你今天过得很糟糕，不要因为他们不支持你而责怪你的伴侣。控制一下，告诉他们你的感受，告诉他们你需要他们和你在一起。
将自己的情绪归咎于伴侣是一种不易察觉的自私行径，也是个人界限维护不善的典型例子。如果你的情绪依赖于他人，你将不得不面对很多问题，你最终会变得相互依赖，滋生怨恨。
So, you take control of your emotions, yes, you will have some support but don’t expect day in and out. It’s draining. Just lower your expectations or better have no expectations and tell them what you need. I will even give you a “You are Strong” sticker. Because asking is a sign of strength.
Choking your partner: Couples need to give personal space to each other. Smothering the other person, because one of you is insecure is going to kill the relationship.
Stop badgering them about where they have been. Who are you? A CIA agent? Or a prosecutor attorney? Chill. Back off. What are you trying to do? If they want to share they will. You can’t stop anyone from doing anything.
You can not force someone to do something. Silly things like: Wanting your partner to say “I love you” every second of the day. And being grumpy over that. Come on! If you keep doing that, it will loose its meaning and he won’t even mean it when he says it anymore. Would you want that? Or do you want him to be genuine when he says “I love you”?
If you are that needy, you might want to check why you are insecure. This constant cold war about silly things is going to explode someday and it will all end in a break up.
Besides if you are paranoid and keep badgering you are going to make them good liars, make them angry, defensive, and then they would want to run away and cheat on you for sure. So, you would only loose your partner in the end. Instead be nice and respectful.
偶尔有不开心的一天是正常的，但如果你期望你的伴侣的生活一直围绕着你的情感健康，那么很快你的伴侣就会变得非常痛苦，甚至操纵你的感受和欲望。
所以，你要控制好自己的情绪，你是会得到一些支持，但不要期待永远会得到支持，这就好比在排水。只是降低你的期望值，或者最好没有期望值，告诉他们你需要什么。我甚至会给你一张“你很坚强”的贴纸，因为提问是实力的象征。
让你的伴侣窒息：夫妻需要给对方个人空间。让另一个人窒息，是因为你们中的一方没有安全感，这会毁了你们的关系。
别再纠缠他们去了哪里。你是谁呢？中情局特工？还是检察官律师？寒冷退后，你想做什么？如果他们想分享，他们会告诉你的。毕竟你不能阻止任何人做任何事。
你不能强迫某人做某事。这些事情都是愚蠢的：想让你的伴侣每天都说“我爱你”。而且还为此生气。来吧!如果你继续这样做，就会失去意义，他说这话的时候甚至都不是真心的。你愿意出现这情况吗？或者你希望他说“我爱你”时的状态是真诚的吗？
如果你有那么多的需要，你可能需要检查一下为什么你没有安全感。这场关于愚蠢事物的持续冷战将在某一天爆发，最终将以分手告终。
此外，如果你很偏执，一直纠缠不休，你会让他们成为很好的说谎者，让他们生气，让他们具备防御性，然后他们肯定会想逃跑，会想欺骗你。所以，你最终只会失去你的伴侣。相反，要友善和尊重。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
This sucks and sucks! That’s double suckage. Because you are not only digging the past, manipulating them and making the other person Guilty but also deflecting and not addressing the present issue.
So how long are you planning to keep the score card going? We are all waiting !! Who wins in the end? What do you get? A gold medal? Way to go my friend, you are using your energy wisely, you must be so proud of yourself!
Why don’t you both try to be right for each other than trying to prove each other wrong? Bringing up the past from 1959, that’s great you have such good memory.
It is hard to move forward when you constantly bring up your partner’s mistakes from the past. If something bothered you that much, donkey years ago, you should have dealt with it at that time. Wish I had a magic stick to hit that memory out!
保持分数：（这是非常成熟的做法）。好吧，我不是在说板球或足球。关系记分卡随着时间的推移而发展，因为一段关系中的一个人或两个人使用过去的错误来试图证明当前的正义。
这太糟糕了！这是双重诱惑。因为你不仅在挖掘过去，操纵他们，让对方感到内疚，而且在转移注意力，这并不是在解决当前的问题。
那么你打算把记分卡保留多久？我们都在等待！最后谁赢了？你得到了什么？获得金牌吗？走吧，我的朋友，你在明智地使用你的能量，你一定为自己感到骄傲！
为什么你们不试着给对方做某事，而不是试着证明对方错了？还提起1959年的往事，你的记忆力真好啊。
当你不断提起伴侣过去的错误时，关系很难前发展。如果几年前有什么事让你如此困扰，那你当时就应该处理好。真希望我有一根神奇的棍子能把那记忆给敲碎！
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Stop playing the blame game: “You did that, so I will do this, it is your fault”. This is very toxic in any relationship. You will stop being kind to each other and you will be always looking to blame the other person. Instead take responsibility, be accountable, own your mistakes. In my words: Grow up!
Communication: Be honest with each other. Don’t bottle up things. Speak openly about things that you don’t agree with each other, let the other person know if you are going to be late, Discuss about your work, and things that you do, communicate about things that you don’t like, things that irritate you during sex- don’t feel uncomfortable. Unaddressed issue can potentially end a relationship.
Criticism: Accept it . I know it’s a little hard. No One likes to be told about their screw ups. Some healthy feed back is good though. But it helps with your personal growth as well as helps build your relationship. If you don’t take criticism well, then you probably will end up living alone.
所以：善待彼此，处理好手头的问题。解决这个问题。停止挖掘过去。烧掉记分卡！
停止玩指责游戏：“你这样弄过，所以我也会这样做，这是你的错”。这在任何关系中都是非常有害的。你会停止对对方的友好，你会一直想责怪对方。相反，要承担责任，承认自己的错误。用我的话来说：要长大！
沟通：彼此坦诚相待。不要把事情憋在心里。公开谈论彼此不同意的事情，让对方知道你是否会迟到，讨论你的工作和你做的事情，交流你不喜欢的事情，性生活中让你感到兴奋事情，不要感到不舒服。没有解决的问题可能会导致一段关系的终结。
批评：接受它。我知道这有点难。没有人喜欢被告知他们犯下的错误。不过，一些健康的反馈是好的。但它有助于你的个人成长，也有助于建立你的关系。如果你不能很好地接受批评，那么你很可能会孤独终老。
It gives the incentive to find more reasons to be upset with the person and the person who buys gifts is never going to take responsibility or be accountable for the mistakes.
So what do you end up with? A checked-out One person ( usually male) who feels like an ATM, and an incessantly bitter other person ( usually female) who feels unheard.
Sit down and talk. Talk about the issues. Don’t ignore the issues, If you use gifts and vacations to cover up your problems, then you will find yourself with a much bigger problem down the line.
不断地用表面的快乐掩盖他们的真实问题：买礼物，在有重大问题的时候就去度假，这是非常有害的。因为你度假回来后，这个问题仍然会出现。这是一个非常有害的习惯。
这会激励人们找到更多的理由去对礼物感到不满，而购买礼物的人永远不会为错误承担责任。
那么你最终会得到什么？结账的人（通常是男性）觉得自己像提款机，而另一个人（通常是女性）总是觉得自己被忽视。
坐下谈谈，谈谈这些问题。不要忽视这些问题，如果你用礼物和假期来掩盖你的问题，然后你就会发现自己遇到了一个更大的问题。
To think that, If your partner touches, talks to another person or even sneezes in front of other person = flirting, is wrong and actually crazy.
You check their phone, back into their emails and track them? You will end up having One sad life!
It surprises me that some people describe this as some sort of display of affection. They figure that if their partner wasn’t jealous, then they don’t love them enough. Really?
And in return you go crazy and to make your partner Jealous, by flirting with his best friend. Right, how is that going to help? You think it’s revenge/ punishment or as a way to get their attention, but that’s nothing but your insecurity. Stop being the Drama clown! Why don’t you just talk and explain your emotions, instead of playing this game?
It’s important to trust your partner. Excessive jealousy and controlling behaviors towards your partner are signs of your own feelings of unworthiness and you should learn to deal with them and not force them onto your partner. You will push them away.
Relationships are complicated and and difficult. You need to work, out in effort and nurture a relationship. Otherwise they don’t last. No one is perfect. You need to work through the differences.
嫉妒：
想想看，如果你的伴侣在别人面前触摸、交谈，甚至打情骂俏，这是错误的，实际上是疯狂的。
你查看他们的手机，翻查他们的电子邮件中，并跟踪他们？你最终会有一个悲伤的生活!
让我惊讶的是，有些人把这描述为某种爱的表现。他们认为，如果他们的伴侣不嫉妒，那么他们就是不够爱他们，真如此吗？
作为回报，你会变得疯狂，通过和你的伴侣最好的朋友调情来让他嫉妒。但这有什么帮助？你认为这是报复/惩罚，或者是为了引起他们的注意，但那只是你的不安全感。别再当戏剧小丑了。你为什么不说说，解释一下你的情绪，而不是玩这个“报复”游戏。
信任你的伴侣很重要。对伴侣的过度嫉妒和过度操控行为是你觉得自己没有价值的表现，你应该学会处理这些嫉妒情绪，而不是将它们强加给你的伴侣，你得会把嫉妒情绪给消化掉。
人际关系既复杂又难处理。你需要努力经营，否则它们无法持久。没有人是完美的，你需要克服这些差异。
How do I invest for income?
It is a question many people are asking with interest rates rising, and inflation staying higher for longer.
There are a few points to make here:
Should you be investing for income?
If you are earning a decent income, it is questionable whether you should be investing for income or not.
Dividends aren’t a free lunch.
我如何通过投资去获得收益？
随着利率上升，通货膨胀率持续上升，这是许多人都在问的问题。
这里有几点需要注意：
你应该为了收益而投资吗?
如果你的收入不错，你是否应该为收入而投资是值得怀疑的。
股息不是免费的午餐。
They have always helped underperforming stock markets like the UK’s FTSE100 do better than many people realise:
However, some of the best performing stocks such as Amazon and Berkshire Hathaway don’t pay dividends.
That doesn’t mean they will always outperform the market, but think about something for a moment.
If a company is paying out a dividend to shareholders that means that money isn’t being used to grow the company.
Firms that reinvest dividends into marketing and other activities can grow more quickly, if the strategy is done correctly.
In the long-term, dividend ETFs don’t outperform non-dividend focusing ones
2. Let’s say you want/need income
是的，它们对标准普尔500指数等主要股市的表现做出了巨大贡献：
它们总是有助于表现不佳的股市：比如英国富时100指数(FTSE100)，它的表现从而比许多人想象的要好。
然而，亚马逊（Amazon）和伯克希尔哈撒韦（Berkshire Hathaway）等一些表现最好的股票没有分红。
这并不意味着他们将永远跑赢市场，但请考虑一下。
如果一家公司向股东支付股息，这意味着资金没有用于公司的发展。
如果策略正确，将股息再投资于营销和其他活动的公司可以更快地增长。
从长期来看，股息ETF的表现并不优于非股息ETF
假设你想要/需要收益
How much risk you want to take
How soon do you need the money.
Do you need liquidity or can you lock the money away for a few years?
If you don’t want to take a big risk, government and A-rated corporate bonds can be a good option, at least for a percentage of your portfolio.
In recent times, they haven’t always performed well, but now interest rates are rising and are due to fall in the next 6-18 months, bonds look viable again.
You now have names like Coca-Cola paying a lot, and some AAA-rated corporates paying 6%+, in addition to some asset-backed debt instruments paying 10%+.
The key is:
Planning around when you need money, how much you need + the risk you want to take
Understand risk
Know how much you want , or need to, diversify
Having income from investments is good, but not income for incomes sake.
在这种情况下，你必须质疑：
你想冒多大的风险
你多久需要钱。
你需要流动资金吗？或者你能把钱锁定几年吗？
如果你不想冒大风险，政府和a级公司债券可能是一个不错的选择，至少在你的投资组合中占一定比例。
近年来，它们的表现并不总是很好，但现在利率正在上升，并将在未来6-18个月内下降，债券看起来再次可行。
现在，可口可乐等公司的收益率很高，一些AAA级公司的收益率在6%以上，此外还有一些资产支持债务工具的收益率在10%以上。
关键是：
当你需要钱的时候，你需要多少钱以及你想承担的风险
了解风险
了解你想要或需要多元化的程度
从投资中获得收入是好事，但不是为了收益而获得收益。
I will try if i can name 10.
Stop being co-dependent. Yes you guys are in relationship, but you still are two people and you need to pursue your own interests.
Give each other space. No matter how much you love them or miss them, you need to give each other the much needed space.
Explore things in life and it doesn’t have to be together. If you like something, do it and if they like something, let them do it. At the end of the day, regret is not something you should bring to the relationship.
Know yourself before knowing your significant other. Because one must know themselves to know what they want and what they don’t. Don’t be with someone as an obligation. Even if there is 0.1% chance of you don’t want to be with them, you should really look into that. Because one day, that 0.1 can turn into 100.
Don’t keep any expectations on future. Yes, a relationship must be based on trust and blah blah, but life is a bitch. You never know what comes when. So, enjoy your moments and be ready to face anything.
At any point of your relationship period, if there was a moment, you are liking someone else other than the person you are with, go for the second person. Because if you like the first person more, you wouldn’t be thinking about the second one. But don’t be a coward about it, be honest about it with your partner, break off the unhealthy relation and face it like a man/woman.
我尽力说出10个习惯吧。
停止相互依赖。你们的确是在恋爱中，但你们仍然分属两个人，你需要探究自己的兴趣。
给对方空间。无论你有多么爱他们或想念他们，你都需要给彼此所需的空间。
探索生活中的事物，而不必非在一起行动。如果你喜欢某件事，就去做，如果他们喜欢某件事情，就让他们去做。说到底，你不应该让这段关系给你留下遗憾。
在认识你的另一半之前先了解自己。因为一个人必须了解自己，才能知道自己想要什么和不想要什么。不要把和某人在一起当作一种义务。即使有0.1%的可能性你不想和他们在一起，你也应该认真调查。因为有一天，0.1%是可以变成100%的。
不要对未来抱有任何期望。是的，一段关系必须建立在信任和诸如此类的基础上，但生活就是个婊子。你永远不知道什么时候会发生什么事情。所以，享受当下，准备好面对任何事情。
在你们关系的任何时候，如果有一刻，你喜欢的是另一个人，而不是和你在一起的那个人，那就去找第二个人。因为如果你更喜欢第一个人，你就不会考虑第二个人。但不要做一个懦夫，和你的伴侣坦诚相待，断绝不健康的关系，像个男人/女人一样面对它。
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Don’t ignore signs. Sometimes, in relationship, your sixth sense will show you signs about the relationship being toxic or might become unhealthy. When you feel it, you should really consider uating the relationship rather than ignoring them out of love for the other person.
Don’t confuse fear with love. Even though some people are not really OK with the relationship but will stay in it because they are scared that they might not find someone again or fear of not being with someone or getting heart break. Trust me, a heart break is 10 times better than being in relationship for those ridiculous reasons.
This is not exactly a habit but a disclaimer. People come in our life and go. Relationships form and break. But at the end of the day, the only person you should love more than anyone is yourself. You are the one who will be with you until death. So, love other people but not more than yourself. Everyone will find someone sooner or later as we are over populated. But if you lose yourself for someone, you will never find you.
不要控制你的伴侣或被你的伴侣控制。你可能会认为你这样做是因为你认为你知道什么对对方有益。但这是个严重问题，没有人比对方自己更了解其自己。所以，让他们成为他们想要的样子，做他们想做的事。
不要忽视信号。有时候，在恋爱关系中，你的第六感会显示出关系令人不愉快或可能变得不健康的迹象。当你感觉到这一点时，你应该真正考虑评估这段关系，而不是出于对对方的爱而忽略它们。
不要把恐惧和爱混为一谈。尽管有些人对这段关系并不太满意，但他们会稳住这段关系中，因为他们害怕自己可能再也找不到其他人，或者害怕无法与某人在一起或害怕心碎。相信我，因为这些荒谬的原因，心碎比恋爱要好10倍。
这并不是一种习惯，而是一种免责声明。人们在我们的生活中来来往往。关系形成与破裂。但归根结底，你应该比任何人都更爱你自己。你是将与你相伴至死的人。所以，爱别人，但不要超过爱自己。由于我们人口过多，每个人迟早都会找到恋人。但如果你为某人迷失了自己，你就永远也找不到你自己了。