QA问答：我的一位同事是一位非洲裔美国人，他告诉我，要想用自己的肤色获得成功，第一步就是“摒弃贫民窟心态”。他这是什么意思？One of my coworkers, an African-American, told me that the first part of being successful with his skin color is to “abandon the ghetto mentality.” What does he mean by that?
2023-02-20 xky 10658 0 1 收藏 纠错&举报
One of my coworkers, an African-American, told me that the first part of being successful with his skin color is to “abandon the ghetto mentality.” What does he mean by that?
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What your coworker said about the ghetto mentality is exactly what keeps poor neighborhoods poor. I'm Latino, and I lived in NYC for over 20 years before returning to South America (much more ghetto than the Bronx), so I'm gonna take a stab at answering this question. Disclaimer: I don't mean to offend anyone. I'm just relating my experience.
There's an old saying: “The ghetto is like a bucket of crabs.” If you've ever seen a bucket of crabs at the local fish market, you'll notice that it doesn't have a lid on it. Remarkably, none of the crabs are escaping even though they are excellent climbers. Whenever one crab figures out how to get out of the bucket, the other crabs pull him back down.
If you do have a change of attitude and decide to get up and do some self-improvement, whether it be going back to school, starting a business, purchasing a home, etc, the people around you will get jealous and start hatin’ on you, doing whatever they can to pull you down and keep you in the ghetto, where they feel you belong. And that's why I left New York.
Your friend is wrong in one respect, what you’re going to hear over and over again here from people who really get what he’s otherwise saying.
That ghetto mentality occurs in all races, in all social strata. It’s a complacency, a failure to plan and anticipate, the lacking of the internal fortitude to imagine, uate, persevere and work your fncking ass off to accomplish goals. Instead of actually pursuing accomplishments, they settle for show, the appearance of success. And it’s just laughable to see. They’re nothing but huge jokes and they know it… that’s why they get so angry and bitter no matter how much bling they flash. They hate themselves for failing at what matters.
Amen, this is one of the best threads I have read over the past ten years.
Yup, I grew up on a reservation and same thing. Breaking out of that mind set is not easy, you get called traitor and all sorts of other things by those that get trapped. It hurts, but I'm not about to live a shitty life because you failed at yours. That was my mantra when I was young “be better" I would repeat it over and over… I still do that
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If one can be raised with privilege, let's say a financial advantage, but at the same time, realize that they are blessed and that it could be just the opposite very easy, then they can have the best of both worlds and if they continue the hard work and betterment, they will really reach beyond. When children stagnant and believe that they deserve something they haven't earned, then that's where the problem begins for these future riches to rags types. I gave my sons what they asked for, and they usually didn't ask for much. I emphasized achievement and goal setting and rewarded them when they did well. Well, now they are on their way. I taught them to avoid the pitfalls I experienced and that has helped them. Having a parent that wants their child to become successful and is willing to spend the time teaching that success, is like gold. Learn from others mistakes and do the opposite.
Spot on! I grew up in a lily-white rural county where that same “know your place and keep it” mentality was rampant. “Puttin’ on airs” was a crime, punishable by vandalism and worse. The day I went to college I shook the dust of my hometown from my shoes.
A few years back, I was chatting over a fence to my neighbour, who was an Australian Aboriginal. I asked how his job was going. He had taken a job which included trying to encourage other Aboriginals to join the police force.
“Not well,” he said. “The attitude needs to change.”
It’s what people know and have experienced. It sets in a certain mindset.
I think you nailed it on getting rid of the ghetto. It’s all about your approach to life, your language, mentality, etc. I agree that if people could see a better life for themselves they would find a way, or at least a percentage would and a percentage is better than none. Even being white and growing up poor, I was content until I saw alternatives. What a difference in my life then and now.
Grew up in the suburbs and I was probably around 12 when my mom got a new job. A much better job. But it was a long commute (most good jobs were far) that wouldn’t be sustainable for the long term. At that point we lived down the street from my grandparents but clearly, if my mom was going to be successful in this new job we needed to move closer to it.
My dad and grandfather were talking about the move, my dad feeling guilty about it, and my grandfather said, “No one can keep a man down like his own family.” He said more but the subtext was “Don’t stay here because of us.” The funny part is, we only moved 30 minutes away. We still saw them almost every Sunday. But I know so many people, not necessarily flashy or irresponsible with their money, not haters, but they’re too scared to leave what they know - even for a good opportunity. It’s like if they can’t take all the other crabs with them then they’re just staying in that bucket, going nowhere in life.
I am Black but mostly grew up in middle class areas, at the time I was a teenager I was studying digital logic and going to Toronto (30 miles) and Hamilton (100 miles) on my own to get the chips I needed to build my own nano-computers (This was the 1970’s). I had a membership in every public library and school library in the region. My brother Paul was going to Montreal (300 miles) and Ian and Wayne regularly went to Toronto for other things - remember we were all teenagers.
Then my relatives from Buffalo came to visit, we invited the boys to come with us to the CNE in Toronto, they were very nervous. Finally we asked what was wrong, turns out these teenagers had never been more than six blocks from home before for their entire lives. SIX BLOCKS!
I became a computer Tech. Paul ran a Tool and Die department for GM. Clive became a computer programmer for Credit Card company. Wayne was killed by a drunk driver.
My Buffalo relatives stayed where they were born.
That is what a Ghetto mentality does to you.
That happens alot in rural white communities. If people don't get exposed to the world beyond their town, then that's where they stay and the older they get the more so. I don't really care for “townies". While they may have relatives that live all around close, they miss opportunities. If one can get away, to college, the military, or a situation that takes them out of there, then they can flourish and then they will teach their kids to do the same and the cycle gets broken.
Many rural folks have never been outside the small towns they grew up in. In rural eastern Oregon, a hundred miles is not a long distance. There are roads with no towns or services for over a hundred miles. I would have expected that folks who live there to be used to traveling those distances.
I wonder if the phenomenon is the result of a profound lack of curiosity about the wider world. Yet folks who exhibit the same trait live in all sorts of communities, not just the rural, sparsely populated ones.
I had an uncle who was raised on the farm along with mom and her other brothers and sisters. He never went to college, but became a successful farmer. His 3 kids all went to college, and one of them has a probe orbiting the sun (phD in astrophysics). He would never drive on the interstate, only the highways and usually only within a radius of 100 miles. My mom and all the others that went off to college, were more mobile and travelled. Their outlook was a bit different from my uncle.
Its not about distance travelled, but more about fear and comfort zone as it doesn’t just occur with someone living in a particular town but can occur with job and sometimes with a partner. When it occurs with a job it is usually not a well paying job and the individual tends to hate the job but tend to suffer from two particular views, 1 “I am not capable of getting any other job”, 2 “I dare not risk losing the job I have as I may never get another”. When it involves a partner it may usually be found in an abusive relationship, not always though as I have met a couple of couples who have fallen out of love, but refuse to leave each other as they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves if they did split. when it does occur within an abusive relationship even if somehow the relationship does split the abused partner has a high tendency to pick exactly the same sort of person again, and again the response for why stay comes down to the two reasons, 1 “I am not capable”, 2 “I dare not”
当涉及到伴侣的问题时，通常是发生在一段虐待性关系中，但并不总是这样，因为我遇到过几对失去感情的夫妻，但是他们拒绝离开对方，因为如果他们真的分开了，他们不知道该怎么办。但这种情况确实发生在一段虐待性关系中时，就算这段关系已经发生了某种程度的分裂，被虐待的伴侣也很有可能再次选择完全相同的人，而对为什么留下的回应又回到了这两个原因：1、我没能力 2、我不敢 。
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Good points. Insecurities of one kind or another are at work here. These can be real or perceived. The person who goes beyond those walls is courageous indeed.
Families and friends can also put a lot of pressure on those who want to explore outside opportunities. Terminology varies, but they’ll use expressions like “Don’t get to thinking you’re better!” and the equivalents. Same idea: if the other crabs think the one on top is getting too high, they’ll pull it back down.
It can make it really painful. These folks feel like they’re outsiders even where they’re successful, and mildly traitorous to the people who feel left behind.
I grew up in a small town in the interior of British Columbia in the 1960s. A few years ago, I was talking with one of my university colleagues and discovered he grew up in a similar-sized town about 100 km. from my hometown. His first question, “How did you get out?”
I am a white child and this was precisely what White America was like in the 1950’s. I was always raising my hand in class and kids physically assaulted and harassed me non-stop all of my life. I heard the words, “You think you are better than us”. I have cousins on Facebook that despise me for succeeding and post negative comments all the time. Yes in poor neighborhoods there is a mindset against even trying to succeed. Somehow I had a strong enough will to get away from this but I still remember all the tears I shed as a child.
In the 'box of crabs’ analogy, the crab that is pulled back in is not the target of direct animosity, but is instead overwhelmed by the many who try to use them as a bridge.
I've a sister who still can't leave the adversarial attitude, and will forever be at war with whoever she thinks is ahead of her; there are friends who want to lift their whole clan with them, and all will fail; there are cousins who sniff around for a free room or a cheap car that they will either trash or abandon.
This answer is absolutely correct
Explained well very, thank you. I was aware of this type of behaviour, but never heard the “ghetto mentality” term. Us Australians are prone to the “tall poppy syndrome”. The only difference is we are very happy for people to succeed, but to a certain level. I have no idea where or when that level has been exceeded as I do not entertain that bias. Everyone has the right to enjoy their successes, especially if they have worked hard for it.
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Good answer - I think there is also the victim vs can do mentality. If you feel that you are a victim that can not escape the ghetto then you will blame the ghetto and the world for your failures. If instead you have a can do mentality, then you look at why you failed and what you can do to succeed next time. The former reinforced the ghetto mentality, the latter provides a way to escape that mentality and even the ghetto itself.
好答案。我认为还有一种受害者心态 VS 我可以的心态。如果你觉得自己是一个无法逃离贫民窟的受害者，你就会把你的失败归咎于贫民窟和世界。如果相反，你觉得你可以，你就会去研究你为什么失败了，下次你要怎么才能做才能获得成功。前者强化了贫民窟心态，后者提供了一种逃离贫民窟心态，甚至逃离贫民窟本身的方式。
If I had to recommend anything to those in “ghetto”/rural town environments, it would be to join the military. It can suck, but the military is THE ticket to the middle class that is open to any walk of life. So many benefits to answer the crab in a bucket problem: You leave your hometown, meet people of every walk of life, experience REAL diversity and inclusion (not that woke “hate white people” corporate training), learn a skill, get your education paid for, and travel overseas if you play the cards that way.
I took that route instead of continuing to live in the poor rural town of drug addicts I was stuck in as a child. I owe my current life to the Air Force, and I have seen people come from much worse than me excel and thrive when taken out of the “ghetto”. With an attitude adjustment and a real fighting spirit, I think many can also escape with little help from someone that’s been there.
Just to add, also if you live in the “ghetto’’ you automatically share similar activities with other people also living in the “ghetto’’, which is why it is always almost impossible for people to get out of “ghetto” without working on their mindsets, and you cannot even work on your mindset if your environment never gives you the awareness of what mindset is all about. After all average of the people you hang out with is determined by your own activities.