QA问答：你认为，为什么很多人际关系都失败了？
Why do you think most relationships fail?
译文简介
几个月前，我听过一个播客，如果我没记错的话，是威尔·史密斯用一种非常恰当的方式表达了它：
“她的幸福不应该取决于我。我的幸福不应该依赖于她。我们应该是两个幸福的人，他们走到一起，分享我们的幸福。”
我认为大多数关系都会失败，因为我们最终让那个人成为我们幸福和理智的唯一来源。大多数关系最终都会成为一个修复项目，迟早会耗尽。
这听起来很老套，但事实是，如果作为一个个体，你不能尊重和爱自己，你总是会失败或让对方失望。
只要给予者还能够给予，他/她就会一直给予，接受者会一直接受，并将其视为理所当然。
正文翻译
Why do you think most relationships fail?
你认为，为什么很多人际关系都失败了？
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I was listening to this podcast a few months ago and if I remember correctly Will Smith put it in a very apt manner.
“Her happiness shouldn’t be dependent on me. My happiness shouldn’t be dependent on her. We should be two happy individuals who come together and share our happiness.”
I think most relationships fail because we end up making that person the sole source of our happiness and sanity. Most relationships end up becoming a restoration project and sooner or later one gets exhausted eventually.
It sounds cliched but it is true that if as an individual you cannot respect and love yourself, you’ll always fail or disappoint the other person.
A giver will give until he/she can, a receiver will always receive and take it for granted.
几个月前，我听过一个播客，如果我没记错的话，是威尔·史密斯用一种非常恰当的方式表达了它：
“她的幸福不应该取决于我。我的幸福不应该依赖于她。我们应该是两个幸福的人，他们走到一起，分享我们的幸福。”
我认为大多数关系都会失败，因为我们最终让那个人成为我们幸福和理智的唯一来源。大多数关系最终都会成为一个修复项目，迟早会耗尽。
这听起来很老套，但事实是，如果作为一个个体，你不能尊重和爱自己，你总是会失败或让对方失望。
只要给予者还能够给予，他/她就会一直给予，接受者会一直接受，并将其视为理所当然。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
TOP 10 REASONS WHY RELATIONSHIPS FAIL:
人际关系失败的十大原因：
Lack or loss of trust is one of the most harmful contagions to a couple’s long-term success. Without trust, a relationship misses two of the key anchors to a strong bond: safety and security.
Trust issues may include factors such as jealousy, possessiveness, unreasonable rigidity, emotional infidelity , physical/sexual infidelity, relational game playing, lack of reliability and dependability, lack of emotional support, lack of financial compatibility, and lack of mutually-supportive goals .
If you believe trust is a major issue in your relationship (or was in your former relationship), examine whether the lack of trust is based on a pattern of evidence (such as significant broken promises), or mostly subjective emotions (such as jealousy without proof). Consider honestly whether the lack of trust is based on tangible substance or unjustified fears.
1、信任问题
缺乏信任或失去信任，是影响夫妻长期关系的最有害因素之一。没有信任，一段关系就会失去牢固纽带的两个关键支柱：安全和保障。
信任问题可能包括嫉妒、占有欲、不合理的僵化、情感不忠、身体/性不忠、关系博弈、缺乏可靠性和可信性、缺乏情感支持、缺乏财务兼容性和缺乏相互支持的目标等因素。
如果你认为信任是你的关系中的一个主要问题（或者你以前的关系中），那么检查一下信任的缺乏是基于证据模式（比如重大的失信），还是主观情绪（比如没有证据的嫉妒）。诚实地考虑一下，缺乏信任是基于有形的实质还是不合理的恐惧。
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
It’s not easy for a couple to walk a journey together for a long time. The elements that frequently draw two people toward one-another at the beginning of a relationship – physical attraction , sexual passion, common interests, personality connections, socio-economic backgrounds – often become less central as the realities and demands of day to day life sets in. Overtime, a couple’s expectations in the relationship may differentiate, as they begin to see their respective life plans as “what I want,” instead of “what we want.”
Some of the reasons relationship divergence occur between a couple include:
Mister/Miss Right or Mister/Miss Right Now?
2、不同的期望
永远不要让别人成为你的优先选择，而要让自己成为他们的选择。
对一对夫妇来说，长时间一起旅行并不容易。随着日常生活的现实和要求的到来，在一段关系开始时，经常吸引两个人彼此靠近的因素——身体吸引力、性激情、共同兴趣、性格联系、社会经济背景——往往变得不那么重要，重要的是他们开始将各自的人生计划视为“我想要的”，而不是“我们想要的”。
夫妻之间出现关系分歧的一些原因包括：
他只是现在正确的人，还是一直是我生命中正确的人。
Differences in Priorities
Your partner has different priorities and expectations regarding the relationship.
For some, the significant-other relationship (and family) is the primary center of gravity of life. Nothing else comes close in its importance.
For others, a romantic relationship , even a committed one, is but one facet of life. There are many other aspects of life which, in their perspective, can justifiably take higher priority.
你的伴侣认为你是“正确的先生/小姐”，还是“现在正确的先生或小姐”？换言之，你的伴侣对与你建立长期忠诚的关系有多认真？你和你的搭档呢？
优先级的差异。
你的伴侣对这段关系有不同的优先级和期望。
对一些人来说，重要的其他关系（和家庭）是生活的主要重心。没有什么比它更重要的了。
对其他人来说，浪漫的关系，甚至是忠诚的关系，只是生活的一个方面。在他们看来，生活中还有许多其他方面需要理所当然地优先考虑。
When one partner is learning and growing at a rapid pace, while the other is stagnating, this may be a source of relational divergence. One example of this would be a partner advancing quickly in her career and society, while her significant other is stagnating at home. The professional and social circles of the couple begin to diverge, and soon the couple themselves differentiate. They have physically, intellectually, and socially grown apart.
3、以不同的速度生活
当一方正在快速学习和成长，而另一方却停滞不前时，这可能是关系分歧的根源。这方面的一个例子是，一个伴侣在她的职业和社会中快速发展，而她的另一半却在家里停滞不前。这对夫妇的职业圈和社交圈开始分化，很快这对夫妇自己就分化了。他们在身体、智力和社会上都已经分开了。
Relational compatibility is a large topic worthy of full volumes of its own. In my books, relationship compatibility is explored in detail from several perspectives, including compatibility in intimacy, compatibility in personality types, and compatibility in attachment styles.
4、兼容性问题
关系兼容性是一个值得讨论的大主题。在我的书中，从几个角度详细探讨了关系兼容性，包括亲密关系兼容性、性格类型兼容性和依恋风格兼容性。
This is a big one. Numerous studies have identified communication (or a lack thereof) as one of the top reasons for couples therapy , as well as one of the top reasons for break-up and divorce (1)(2).
Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington, a foremost expert on couples studies, concluded after over twenty years of research that the single, best predictor of divorce is when one or both partners show contempt in the relationship.
Contempt, the opposite of respect, is often expressed via negative judgment, criticism, or sarcasm regarding the worth of an individual. In communication studies, this is known as being “tough on the person, soft on the issue”. Contemptuous communication works like poison - it destroys the health and well-being of a romantic relationship.
5、沟通/理解问题
这是一个大问题。许多研究表明，沟通（或缺乏沟通）是夫妻关系治疗的首要方式之一，也是分手和离婚的首要原因。
华盛顿大学的约翰·戈特曼博士，是一位最重要的夫妻关系研究专家，经过二十多年的研究得出结论，离婚的最大预测因素，是一方或双方在婚姻关系中表现出对对方的蔑视。
轻蔑，与尊重相反，通常通过对某个人价值的负面判断、批评或讽刺来表达。在传播学研究中，这被称为“对人强硬，对问题软弱”。轻蔑的沟通就像毒药一样有效——它破坏了浪漫关系的健康和幸福。
The Mayo Clinic research group defines narcissistic personality disorder as “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration." Narcissism is often marked by a lack of true intimacy in relationship (3).
Signs of narcissism may include (and are not limited to) superiority complex, grandiose self-image , entitlement, conceit, boundary violations, false charm, the Don Juan syndrome, manipulation, irresponsibility, rule breaking, extreme selfishness, negative emotions, and contempt towards others. Significantly, research indicates that high narcissism is correlated with susceptibility to infidelity (4)(5).
6、自恋
梅奥诊所的研究小组，将自恋型人格障碍定义为“一种精神障碍，在这种精神障碍中，人们对自己的重要性有一种膨胀的感觉，并深深地需要赞美”。自恋症的特点往往是在关系中缺乏真正的亲密关系。
自恋的迹象可能包括（但不限于）优越情结、浮夸的自我形象、权利、自负、违反边界、虚假魅力、唐璜综合症、操纵、不负责任、破坏规则、极端自私、负面情绪，和对他人的蔑视。值得注意的是，研究表明，高度自恋与不忠的易感性相关。
For the purpose of this writing, relational abuse is defined as the repeated mistreatment of an individual. Examples of relational abuse include: Verbal, emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse . Pathological manipulation. Pathological Narcissism. Pathological passive-aggressiveness. Excessive control and dominance.
7、关系恶习
在本文中，关系虐待被定义为对个人的反复虐待。关系虐待的例子包括：言语、情感、身体和/或性虐待。病理操作、病理性自恋、病理性被动攻击性。过度控制和支配。
Life habit abuses are traits which, although may or may not directly involve the partner (such as a secret gambling addiction ), may ultimately affect the relationship in a destructive way. Examples of life habit abuse include: Drug addiction. Alcohol addiction. Gambling addiction. Sexual addiction.
8、生活习惯恶习
滥用生活习惯是一种特质，尽管可能会或可能不会直接影响伴侣（如秘密赌博成瘾），但最终可能会以破坏性的方式影响关系。生活习惯滥用的例子包括：毒瘾、酒精成瘾、赌博成瘾、性成瘾。
If any of the four terms written above resonates with your relationship experience, there are a couple of elements to consider:
If you have been in a relationship for two years or less, and you and your partner have “grown apart”, it could be due to a lack of commitment, different expectations, lack of compatibility, or the natural process of trial and error in mate-finding.
If you are in a long-term relationship, it is possible that life obligations (such as school, work, and especially child-rearing) got in the way of couple connectedness and mutual evolvement. A classic example is the “ empty nest ” syndrome, where after all the children have grown and left home, the parents suddenly feel like strangers to one-another, having not focused on each another for so many years.
9、分开成长、乏味、陈腐、惯例
如果上面写的四个术语中的任何一个与你的恋爱经历有共鸣，那么有几个因素需要考虑：
如果你已经恋爱两年或两年以下，而你和你的伴侣已经“分道扬镳”，这可能是由于缺乏承诺、不同的期望、缺乏兼容性，或者是在寻找伴侣过程中不断试错的自然过程。
如果你处于长期关系中，生活义务（如上学、工作，尤其是抚养孩子）可能会阻碍夫妻之间的联系和相互发展。一个典型的例子是“空巢”综合症，在所有的孩子长大离开家后，父母突然觉得彼此陌生，多年来一直没有关注对方。
The longer a couple has been together in a committed relationship, the greater the possibility of financial incompatibility. According to research, differences over money is one of the top reasons for marital dissolution (6)(7). A couple also doesn’t need to be married to have money challenges.
Money issues and disputes tap into some of our deepest psychological needs and fears, including and not limited to trust, safety, security, power, control, and survival.
10、金钱问题
一对夫妻在一起的时间越长，经济上不和谐的可能性就越大。根据研究，金钱上的差异是婚姻破裂的主要原因之一。一对夫妇也不需要结婚才能有金钱上的挑战。
金钱问题和纠纷，会触及我们最深层的心理需求和恐惧，包括但不限于信任、安全、保障、权力、控制和生存。
Why do you think most relationships fail?"
Well, as a relationship expert, I've seen my fair share of failed relationships. And let me tell you, it's never easy to see two people who once loved each other drift apart. So, why do relationships fail? Here are a few reasons:
“你认为，为什么很多人际关系都失败了？”
好吧，作为一个关系专家，我看到了失败的关系。让我告诉你，看到两个曾经相爱的人分道扬镳从来都不容易。那么，为什么关系会失败呢？以下是几个原因：
Infidelity: Trust is a crucial part of any relationship, and when one partner betrays the other's trust, it can be very difficult to repair the damage.
Lack of effort: Relationships require effort from both partners to maintain and grow. If one or both partners stop putting in the effort, the relationship can start to deteriorate.
Different goals and values: If two people have very different goals and values, it can be tough for them to find common ground and build a strong relationship.
Lack of compromise: No relationship is perfect, and conflicts are inevitable. However, if one or both partners are unwilling to compromise and find a solution that works for both of them, it can lead to tension and eventually the end of the relationship.
1、缺乏沟通：当夫妻之间没有公开和诚实的沟通时，会导致误解和怨恨。如果没有适当的沟通，一段关系很难发展。
2、不忠：信任是任何关系的重要组成部分，当一方背叛了另一方的信任时，很难修复损害。
3、缺乏努力：关系需要双方的努力来维持和发展。如果一方或双方停止努力，关系可能会开始恶化。
4、不同的目标和价值观：如果两个人有非常不同的目标与价值观，那么他们很难找到共同点并建立牢固的关系。
5、缺乏妥协：没有一种关系是完美的，冲突是不可避免的。然而，如果一方或双方不愿意妥协，并找到一个对双方都有效的解决方案，这可能会导致紧张，最终导致关系的结束。
现在，在你为自己的关系的命运感到恐慌之前，请记住，这只是关系失败的几个常见原因。但通过努力、沟通和一点点妥协，完全有可能建立一种经得起时间考验的牢固、健康的关系。所以现在不要放弃希望！
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I've seen many perfect couples breakup. Every couple with different reasons to breakup.
But, I've noticed a pattern in those breakups.
The moment a couple start treating themselves as one, the problem starts. They get too involved into each other. They start feeling they're the half of a couple and not a different individual which just aspirates out the space and the relationship becomes suffocating resulting in breakups.
我见过很多完美的情侣分手。每对情侣都有不同的分手理由。
但是，我注意到了这些分手中的一个模式。
当一对夫妇开始将彼此视为一体时，问题就开始了。他们彼此太投入了。他们开始觉得自己是一对夫妻的一半，而不是一个不同的人，他们只会吸走空间，关系变得令人窒息，最终导致分手。
When couples have no life of their own outside each other.
Pursuing a hobby your partner has no interest in or going out regularly with your friends without your partner are some things that makes a relationship more easygoing and bearable. Because it can get boring sometimes and can suck your interest out of a relationship if your world just consists of one person!
你认为，为什么很多人际关系都失败了？
当夫妻在彼此之外，没有自己的生活时，关系就会开始失败。
追求你的伴侣不感兴趣的爱好，或者在没有伴侣的情况下定期与朋友外出，这些都会让你的关系更容易相处，更容易忍受。因为如果你的世界只有一个人，有时会变得无聊，会让你对这段关系失去兴趣！
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Sanjibonny Buragohain
Most people are looking for the right partner.
They go shopping for a mail order date on tinder, and when the product arrives, they inspect it for flaws. Which they do find.
So they then return it/discard it, and go shopping for a different one.
Sometimes, there is the idea of talking about things.
The product arrives, and it’s not perfect, so you try to talk to the product, and tell them how they are supposed to be, to suit you and your demands. Communication, right?
But sadly, it doesn’t work.
大多数人都在寻找合适的伴侣。
他们在tinder（国外交友软件，每天推送4个附近的人）交友，就和网上购物一样，当产品到达时，他们会检查产品是否有瑕疵。他们确实找到了。
因此，他们会把它退回/丢弃，然后去买一个不同的。
有时，会有交谈的想法。
产品到了，但它并不完美，所以你试着与产品交谈，告诉他们，他们应该是怎样的，以满足你和你的需求。沟通，对吗？
但遗憾的是，它不起作用。
Still didn’t want to bend over to accommodate me!
What else could I do but ditch them?
It’s all about me, and my happiness!
I’m not actually happy, but still!
It’s not my fault, it’s everyone else who is inadequate.
I’ll just stay alone, it’s better for me, nobody deserves me.
我试着和我的对象说话，但他们仍然不想服从！
还是不想弯腰来适应我！
除了抛弃他们，我还能做什么？
这都是关于我和我的幸福！
我其实并不快乐，但依然如此！
这不是我的错，是其他人的不足。
我会一个人呆着，这对我来说更好，没有人配得上我。
A relation is not a person.
Your partner isn’t the same thing as your relation to them.
How do you interact? What do you do for each other, or to each other? How do you make each other feel? What impact are you having on their life, and they on yours?
A relationship is a back and forth of interactions.
当你和某人的关系，是你只是尝试他们一段时间，看看他们是否适合你的需求……嗯，这种关系不会持续很长时间。
关系不是人。
你的伴侣和你与他们的关系不是一回事。
你如何互动？你们为彼此做了什么？你让彼此感觉如何？你对他的生活和你的生活有什么影响？
关系是一种来回的互动。
What “game” are you playing? Insulting each other and trying to find flaws?
Coexisting with as little interaction as possible?
Just meeting up for sex?
不仅是关于你的伴侣，以及他们的行为举止，还关于你，以及你的行为举止。
你在玩什么“游戏”？互相侮辱并试图找出缺点？
与尽可能少的互动共存？
只是为了做爱？
It’s quite fun to play.
You start by finding something about your partner that you like.
And then, you point that out.
This move is commonly referred to as a “compliment”.
你可以玩的一个小“游戏”，你可以拥有的一种类型的关系/互动，是基于积极强化的合作。
玩起来很有趣。
你从找到你喜欢的伴侣开始。
然后，你指出这一点。
这一举动通常被称为“赞美”。
Since this is more of a cooperative game, where the players take turns building each other up, it doesn’t really ever need to end, you could just keep playing forever.
That makes it quite different from some of the other games being played, that are more confrontational, where you are trying to “win” by beating the other person.
你可以做一两个赞美，然后你把球传给另一个球员，他们也会为你做同样的事情：找到一种你能做到一半的方式，并指出这一点。
因为这是一个合作游戏，玩家们轮流建立关系，所以它永远都不需要结束，你可以一直玩下去。
这使得它与正在进行的其他一些游戏截然不同，这些游戏更具对抗性，你试图通过击败对方来“获胜”。
Few days ago, it was my birthday. My fiancée didn't wish me. She just forgot. She remembers my birth date very well, but she just forgot.
I was not at all disappointed, angry or sad because of that. Not even for a second I felt bad. Not even when we got a chance of chatting on that day, but she didn't wish.
Why was I chilled even when someone very close to my heart didn't wish me on my birthday?
I was chilled because I didn't expect that she should wish me. In fact, I expect nothing from her, except compatibility. All I want is that whenever we are together, we both should be like old age best friends. That's all I want.
几天前，是我的生日。我未婚妻没有祝福我，她忘了。她记得我的出生日期，但她忘了给我生日祝福。
我并没有因此而感到失望、愤怒或悲伤，甚至一秒钟都没有感到难过。即使那天我们有机会聊天，她也不愿意给我祝福。
为什么即使在我心里很亲近的人，没有在我生日那天祝福我，我也会感到冷？
我感到很冷，因为我不能接受她没有祝福我。事实上，我对她没有任何期望，除了和睦相处。我所希望的是，无论何时我们在一起，我们都应该像老年最好的朋友一样。这就是我想要的。
Because of Expectations. People just forget that their partner is also a human being. They expect a lot, and when the expectations don't meet reality, the relationship starts shaking.
What's the key to a successful relationship?
Expect Less. Give more.
为什么大多数关系都会失败？
因为期望。人们只是忘记了他们的伴侣也是人。他们期望很多，当期望与现实不符时，关系开始动摇。
成功关系的关键是什么？
更少期望。更多付出。
80% percent of relationships fail.
In the Western world, where divorce is prent, the global average for relationship failure has grown to over 60%. That leaves a success percentage of less than 40% of couples staying together.
A more accurate way to assess relationship failure and success is that 50% of relationships end in resentment (whether they stay together or not) and 50% in infatuation (regardless of whether they stay together or not).
80%的关系都会失败。
在离婚盛行的西方世界，关系失败的平均比率已超过60%。这使得成功率不到40%的夫妻在一起。
评估关系失败和成功的一个更准确的方法是，50%的关系以怨恨告终（无论他们是否在一起），50%以迷恋告终（不管不顾是否还能在一起）。
Regardless, here are 7 common reasons why relationships fail:
在所有的关系中，吸引和排斥、迷恋和怨恨的极端会相互平衡。另一方面，一些夫妻选择专注于迷恋，而另一些则选择专注于怨恨。
无论如何，以下是关系失败的7个常见原因：
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
A sense of security and a high degree of trust are some of the most important ingredients in a strong relationship. Trust is a two way avenue. It works best when both partners trust each other. If it leans on one side, the relationship begins to crack.
You could lose trust if you don't have emotional support or if your partner is untrustworthy.
If your partner seems evasive or difficult to pin down, you should be concerned.
Mistrust-based relationships are doomed to fail from the start.
1、不信任
安全感和高度信任是牢固关系中最重要的因素。信任是双向的。当双方都信任对方时，效果最好。如果它偏向一边，关系就会开始破裂。
如果你没有情感支持或者你的伴侣不值得信任，你可能会失去信任。
如果你的伴侣似乎回避或难以确定，你应该担心。
基于不信任的关系从一开始就注定要失败。
Your partner can only put up with your lies a few times, but when it becomes habitual, then nobody will take you seriously. Each time you open your mouth to say something, your partner will expect nothing short of lies.
Assume you discover that your lover has been telling you lies all along. How can you ever trust them again? Lies can have far reaching ramifications.
Was it a white lie or a lie designed to protect the liar? White lies are usually tiny or insignificant, but true lies have far-reaching consequences.
2、说谎
你的伴侣只能忍受你的谎言几次，但当它成为习惯时，就没有人会认真对待你。每次你开口说话时，你的伴侣都会认为你在撒谎。
假设你发现你的爱人一直在对你撒谎。你怎么能再次信任他们？谎言可能会产生深远的影响。
这是善意的谎言还是旨在保护骗子的谎言？善意的谎言通常微不足道，但真实的谎言会产生深远的影响。
Living with a partner who is possessive can turn toxic and unbearable. If you're with a partner that is extremely possessive, ask yourself, "does this seem healthy?". Is your partner always checking in on you or is he or she isolating you from your friends?
This isn't an indication of someone who has faith in you. Remind yourself that this isn't the point of a healthy relationship.
3、占有
与一个占有欲很强的伴侣生活在一起，会变得有毒和难以忍受。如果你和一个占有欲极强的伴侣在一起，问问自己，“这看起来健康吗？”。你的伴侣是否总是关注你，或者他/她是否将你与朋友隔离？
这并不能表明某人对你有诚意。提醒自己，健康关系不是这样的。
In tiny doses, jealousy can be good and an indication that you don't take each other for granted.
However, when taken too far, these can be warning flags that someone is extremely insecure. Ask yourself: “is there something they’re trying to hide?”
If someone is extremely possessive and shows signs of pathological jealousy, then the relationship is on it’s death knell.
4、嫉妒
在很小的范围内，嫉妒可能是好事，表明你们并不认为对方是理所当然的。
然而，如果做得太过分，这些可能是警告信号，表明某人极度没有安全感。问问自己：“他们想隐藏什么？”
如果某人占有欲极强，并表现出病态嫉妒的迹象，那么这段关系就会敲响丧钟。
If you suspect your partner of being unfaithful, you could feel as if the foundation of your relationship has been shattered. You may no longer have faith in this individual. In this case it’s possible that they aren't who you thought they were.
Relationships built on distrust, filled with lies, jealousy, and infidelity, are unlikely to last.
5、不忠
如果你怀疑你的伴侣不忠，你可能会觉得你们关系的基础已经支离破碎。你可能不再相信这个人。在这种情况下，他们可能不是你想象的那样。
基于不信任、充满谎言、嫉妒和不忠的关系不太可能持久。
If you're only talking about the kids' schedules or the weekend chore list, then your communication has devolved into a transactional mode.
Healthy conversation should include a wide range of topics. It's Ok to disagree even if you communicate properly. Conflicts are inevitable, but excellent communication skills can help you manage them.
Empathy, understanding, and active listening should all be present in communication. Unfortunately, many couples have difficulty communicating in this manner.
6、沟通不良
如果你只是在谈论孩子们的日程安排或周末的杂务清单，那么你的交流就变成了一种事务模式。
健康的谈话应该包括广泛的话题。即使你沟通得当，也可以不同意。冲突是不可避免的，但优秀的沟通技巧可以帮助您管理冲突。
同理心、理解和积极倾听，都应该存在于交流中。不幸的是，许多夫妻很难用这种方式沟通。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Couples frequently disagree on a variety of issues, but money disagreements are the most common. One may be a spender and the other a saver, and the differences could trigger disagreements.
The issue isn't so much that they have opposing views on spending and saving; it's more about how they respect each other and manage financial matters.
As a result, it's critical to determine how one treats the other during a disagreement about money or any other topic. Is your partner polite? Do they make jokes about it? Or does your partner slam you down, roll their eyes, and dismiss you completely?
7、缺乏尊重
夫妻之间经常在各种问题上产生分歧，但金钱上的分歧是最常见的。一个是喜欢花钱的人，另一个是喜欢储蓄的人，这种差异可能会引发分歧。
问题并不在于他们对支出和储蓄有相反的看法；更多的是他们如何相互尊重和管理财务问题。
因此，在关于金钱或任何其他话题的分歧中，确定一方如何对待另一方至关重要。你的伴侣有礼貌吗？他们会开玩笑吗？或者你的伴侣会把你击倒，翻白眼，然后把你彻底开除吗？
No doubt love is the glue that holds a relationship together. After all, this is where it all stared—isn’t it?
Obviously you met somewhere in a pub, a friend’s birthday party, the church or mosque, school, college, or at work, and fell in love, even if it wasn’t love at first sight.
Then you started dating, and for a while you couldn’t live without seeing each other even for one day.
Whatever happened to the first love, that you lost all consideration for one other, and now, can’t stand each other?
8、爱的消逝
毫无疑问，爱是维系关系的粘合剂。毕竟，这就是一切的焦点，不是吗？
很明显，你在酒吧、朋友的生日聚会、教堂或清真寺、学校、大学或工作场所的某个地方相遇，并坠入爱河，即使这不是一见钟情。
然后你开始约会，有一段时间你甚至一天都不能不见面。
无论最初恋爱的时候发生了什么，你失去了对彼此的所有考虑，而现在，变得无法忍受彼此？
I left this one until the end because it’s the most obvious one, but actually, it’s sex and all the other ones combined.
Anyway, unless you’re past your prime, sex is a vital component that makes a relationship spicy.
Arguments and disagreements about sex are quite common especially among younger couples, but as you grow older and get used to each other, children start arriving, and responsibilities increase, other matters take center-stage.
Regardless, you must create time for sex, to continue spicing your love relationship, otherwise all the other things mentioned above will start creeping in.
9、没有性行为
我把这个留到最后，因为它是最明显的一个，但实际上，它是性和所有其他因素的结合。
不管怎么说，除非你已经过了壮年，否则性是一个重要的组成部分，它会让你的关系变得刺激。
关于性的争论和分歧很常见，尤其是在年轻夫妇中，但随着年龄的增长和彼此的习惯，孩子们开始到来，责任的增加，其他问题成为了焦点。
不管怎样，你必须为性创造时间，继续为你的爱情关系添彩，否则上面提到的所有其他事情都会慢慢发生。