曾经有人毁了你的生活吗?Have someone ever destroyed your life?
2023-01-06 龟兔赛跑 4915 0 0 收藏 纠错&举报
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Have you ever seen someone's life systematically destroyed?
Yes I have and it was so sad. I worked at a music store for 15 years and when i first started a young 15 year old girl came in with her Mom and she played flute and was very pretty and perfect teeth and super pale white skin. She walked gracefully and had the cutest smile and face.
She came in a few times a year and the next year she had some dark and eerie tattoos on her once untouched skin and her behavior was animated and nervous and she was with two druggie guys that were trash.
The next time i saw her she had sold her flute and was selling her body to keep all the needle marks on her legs and arms going and her face was haggard and her once beautiful teeth were recessed and gnarly and her beautiful hair was stiff and brittle and her skeleton was showing and her walk was a robotic prance and I could not stand to see her being a dead living person.
I begged her to get help and go to rehab and she said the court will do that at her trial for soliciting herself. I never saw her after that but i was told by one of her girlfriends that she died from an overdose of the new drug Fentanyl!
I hate drugs and drug dealers and the gangs and officials that get rich and powerful making and distributing them.
Do you know anyone whose life is destroyed by success?
The story I’ve heard of a professor’s life being destroyed by success was a guy who won grants totaling $50 million one year in the biological sciences, however in his state of ego, he fired PhD students and post doctoral candidates left and right for reasons like not replying to a email sent on Christmas Day or because they went camping with their friends on a Sunday. At this point, he’s got a lot of money but nobody wants to work with him. He gets emails from naive students abroad and undergraduate students but they just aren’t good enough for his lab. The ones who were- got fired and are thriving in their careers now.
Every single day I hear stories about professors raking in millions of dollars in grants for their research.
It is not easy to conjure up a research idea for some esoteric physics topic and then write a convincing proposal to get funding.
But I also hear tales of the wrath they unravel on their graduate students. A PhD advisor pays the student’s tuition and salary in exchange for productive research output.
But the scales have begun to tip a little too heavily.
There was even the case of an advisor proactively calling up companies and other professors to tell them NOT to hire this kid.
The scary part is: most of these students are international students from China and India.
They’re usually very afraid and will do anything to complete their PhD, even if it means dealing with anxiety and depression for 5 years without validation.
I’ve been fortunate to meet the sweetest people at the University of Minnesota. But this is alarmingly common in many U.S universities.
I guess the one thing I’d like to say to these 50–60 year old (usually men) professors is: “You’re done with your PhD. You’re done with your post doctoral phase. You have a family, a home, and you’ve chosen to become an academic. Pretty soon, you’ll retire. And then you’ll die. What do you get out of scaring 22 year olds? Seriously, what pleasure does it give you?”
And I’m not villianizing just the advisors in this case: I’ve also met grad students who are lazy and take advantage of their advisors’ kindness. But those cases are bleak, especially in the populations of international students who come here with a goal.
When I was 29, I met this beautiful and intelligent girl who unfortunately had a background of a bad marriage ending in divorce. I was single, never married and was ambitious. I fell for the girl and we were an item for a while. I got serious about her and we started discussing our future together. However, being an Indian brahmin (an upper caste in the Indian caste system), there were bound to be issues marrying someone from another caste and her status. It didn’t bother me but it mattered a lot to my parents.
When I brought up the news to my parents they resisted hard, including my own brother. I fought back harder and against everyone’s wishes I married this girl and was happy as one could be. Life couldn’t be better. She was a lovely human being and loved to take care of me. I reciprocated and helped her, it was a wonderful marriage. Both of us loved children and wanted to raise a family.
After a couple of years of our marriage our parents accepted her and we moved close to them and life was wonderful. Great family, nicest neighbors and a good job.
In the following years we had issues with having kids and she underwent severe mental trauma due this, not to mention a lot of treatments to assist with fertility. Some treatments are cruel, in my view, but essential for the purpose. I stood by her, supported her, went with her to all doctor’s appointments, traveled to temples & hospitals and provided a lot of moral comfort all along. Finally, all our efforts bore fruit when we had our first child, a beautiful girl which I had dreamed of.
Fast forward another 6 years, we were in a foreign land now with an additional responsibility. My wife gave up her job to follow me to the new land. She fought her depression of being away from her family and having to manage two small children. But she stood by me to take on the new responsibility.
Then, I got friendly with the wrong people and they introduced me to this sly world of meeting girls online to have side affairs. Immediately it looked wrong so I ignored; however the issue was I still met with these friends who were to be avoided. Over time when I kept hearing stories of their exploits I fell for the temptation and started dating women outside of my marriage. I was having an affair. I got a bit too deep in to a relationship with a woman and had a 2-year long affair before she went out of the country.
My wife accidentally discovered this and her world came crashing down. She broke down, cursed and yelled and told me that I had ruined her life for good. What would happen to the children? What is our future? What was my plan?
She had looked up to me all these years as I was her friend, counsel, father of her children and a provider. Now, I fell totally in her sight and was a disgusting philanderer My family was pulled in to this issue and they broke their ties with us. They totally cut us off except for my father who gradually forgave me; however I lost the rest of them forever.
My wife has since patched up with me and has graciously given me a second chance on the promise that I will clean up my act, all the while keeping this away from the children. She doesn’t want the children to hate me and also wants a normal family life for us.
All said, I broke the faith of a genuinely wonderful human being who is my wife and shattered her life. She thought she had the perfect life - good life, beautiful & intelligent children, decent financial status and a great husband….but the last one was not to be and I was responsible for wreaking her beautiful life. Knowing that I can’t ever mend it and the damage is done forever, it kills me everyday.
Have you ever unintentionally ruined someone's life?
I had to fire two employees of my team awhile back when I was working for a US bank in London.
The redundancy round was months away, but I was told by my manager ahead of time as this guy was doing a lot of work on a daily basis. Senior management expected him to go bonkers when we would tell him, so I as his boss had to make a plan that his work could be taken over the moment he left.
I asked him to train me and a few others on what he was doing based on some bullshit excuse given by my boss. Audit as excuse always works.
He found it odd, but went along.
He was a good bloke, even owned a house in the UK. Pride meant everything to him.
1 month before his redundancy date, he went to India and got married (forced marriage). We didn’t know.
He came back, full of hopes, dreams, bringing his wife to London. A family.
It was cringe-worthy, as all of us seniors knew he was going to get hacked. He was on a visa, this job meant pride back home. I already felt the pain but had to remain quiet.
When the day came, I had to tell him.
His world came crushing down.
He never talked to me again. I don't blame him.
This was years ago. I’ve learned from lessons like these. It was my dickweed of a line manager who put this burden on my shoulder.
Have you ever unintentionally saved someone's life?
A year or two ago, I had a friend who, for the sake of this post, we’ll call Emily. Emily was an extremely happy, sweet girl who always helped me out on bad days when I needed someone to lift my spirits.
A few months passed of this when I realized Emily was scarily depressed. She was so good at hiding it that it took me that long to realize what my best friend was really going through. After confronting her about it, she opened up and talked about it more to me.
She explained her sadness and her days of not even feeling the will to live anymore. It pained me to see her go slowly from such a happy girl to one of the most depressed friends I’ve ever known. She kept up the lie when talking to others but after that day, I was always able to tell that there was something off about her.
Eventually, one day she came to me with the intent of ending it all. I didn’t know this at the time, but now I realize how awful things could have gone if she hadn’t come to me. She was scarily calm and kept telling me that she loved me, appreciated me, and more. I was naive and thought that maybe, she was just getting better.
I talked to her, told her how much I also loved and appreciated her too and how she had kept my depression from getting so much worse over the one or two years I knew her. I told her that she had saved my life so many times without even realizing its and thanked her for that.
I realize now that I did the exact same thing for her, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget that and how happy it made me.
Have you ever ruined someone’s life?
I’m not familiar with this site honestly. But let me start this off. When I was 16 I dated a girl. She was my first. And to this day she is the only girl I ever really loved. I still think about her. Before she got with me she was with this other guy. I knew this guy from middle school. According to my ex this guy made her do some really bad shit. Made her give him oral sex at school. Sexual abusive shit. Controlling. Manipulative. Borderline rape kind of stuff. Horrific. So she told me about this towards the end of our relationship. When she told me this, she was sobbing. Sobbing so much that I knew it wasn’t a lie. It struck a deep nerve with me. I swore that I would one day I would fuck this guys life up. No matter what it would take. Because she was sweet, and caring. And despite all the shit she has been through, she tried her best to make me happy. It made a huge impression on me and I couldn’t believe that someone would do anything bad to her. I’m rather vindictive so I laid in wait for a few years. Time passed. I found myself in a situation where I was badly injured and I basically had nothing but time on my hands. Through boredom and vengeance I set my sights on this piece of shit. I bought a membership to a sleezy dating site. I saved a bunch of pictures from a certain profile. I created a fake Facebook profile with the pictures I had stolen from this website. I added a bunch of people from this guys friends list (and my own) to appear like I was a real person. I added this guy. We “hit it off.” This guy was in a relationship with this girl who I thought was beautiful . Which just gave me more ammunition against this guy. I proceeded to build a relationship with this guy. Like 2 months worth of conversations. Dirty shit. I sent him risque photos and he took the bait.
I screenshotted all the convos we had. Every last dirty detail. I created another fake profile and emailed all the screenshots to his girlfriend. I waited a few days. They had broken up. I felt an immense sense of accomplishment. This guy deserved it. More than anyone I know. And this won’t be the last time I fuck with him. And he should be fucking scared.
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