你的初恋教会了你什么人生经验（一）
What life lesson did your first love teach you?
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网友：3个月前的今天，我和女朋友分手了。我结束了与她一年半的关系。原因是她背着我和别的男人在一起。
那么，三个月后我感觉如何？......
正文翻译
What life lesson did your first love teach you?
你的初恋教会了你什么人生经验?
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Today, exactly 3 months back I broke up with my girlfriend. I ended my one and half year relationship with her. The reason being that she cheated on me with some other guy.
So,How do I feel after 3 months?
BETTER.
It was my first true love and she was my life. She was my oxygen. But what happens when that oxygen supply is cut off?
You PANIC. Either you die or find desperate measures for your survival.
For me it was the biggest setback of my life. I cried, cursed, and abused her.
I felt devastated but most importantly LONELY.
"And then only when we have lost everything, are we free to do anything."
3个月前的今天，我和女朋友分手了。我结束了与她一年半的关系。原因是她背着我和别的男人在一起。
那么，三个月后我感觉如何？
更好。
我的初恋曾是我的生命，是我的氧气。但当氧气供应被切断时会发生什么？
你这个胆小鬼。要么你死去，要么不顾一切的想办法活下去。
对我来说，这是我一生中最大的挫折。我哭了，诅咒并辱骂她。
我感到很沮丧，但最重要的是，我很孤独。
“只有当我们失去了一切，我们才能自由地做任何事情。”
分手的头几天是最艰难的。将近两个星期我都睡不着。几乎什么都没吃。我没有朋友可以告诉我的病情。我所做的就是听悲伤的歌，看浪漫的电影。我真的看了50遍“《和莎莫的500天》”。在那一刻，这些是我唯一能联系到的事情。抵制与前任交谈的冲动是最困难的事情。在我们关系的幸福阶段，在我们恋爱的幸福时期，我们每天都要交谈近8-9个小时。我曾经潜近她的facebook资料，查看她在whatsapp上的“最后一次见面”和“状态”(这实际上让我感觉更糟)。我曾经在Quora上读过关于分手的故事和分手后的生活。日日夜夜，她都是我脑子里唯一的念头。我感到虚弱、疲倦和沮丧。我只想忘掉她。
I told myself that I deserve better and maybe I am too good for her.
I started working on my skills. I wanted to be a better person. I bought a guitar and started learning it. Now after 3 months I can play 4-5 chords and I have developed a passion for it. I started reading novels and answers on quora. I also joined a gym.
I realized that the only way I can stop thinking about her is to keep myself busy. Trust me it helps.
Take this moment as a learning phase. Work on your personality and let the person regret her loss. WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH,THE TOUGH GETS GOING.
The most important thing that I have learned with my breakup is to never depend too much on a person. My mistake. I made her the center of my life.
三个星期后，我的心告诉我，适可而止了！
我告诉自己我应该得到更好的，也许我对她太好了。
我开始练习我的技能。我想成为一个更好的人。我买了一把吉他并开始学习。三个月后，我能弹4-5个和弦，我已经对它产生了热情。我开始阅读小说和quora上的答案。我还走进了一个健身房。
我意识到，我能停止想她的唯一办法就是让自己忙碌起来。相信我，这有帮助。
将这一刻作为学习阶段。培养你的个性，让对方为自己的损失感到后悔。当事情变得困难时，困难就开始了。
我从分手中学到的最重要的一点是永远不要过分依赖一个人。我犯过的错误是我让她成为我生活的中心。
Remember all this sacrifice will one day fetch you the result,so just be patient. LOVE IS THE BEST AND THE WORST THING A PERSON CAN EVER DO. That's why its called "falling".
In the end I am actually thankful to my ex for teaching me how to live on my own. I have become a much better person now and for me the whole perspective of life has changed. Self growth and personality development is all that I am seeking for now.
在过去的三个月里，我没有联系过她，但我仍然想念她，看着她和其他男人的照片，我不禁落泪。然而，我已经接受了一个事实，那就是她不再和我在一起了。我真的很怀念那些长时间的交谈和拥抱。但那就是生活。你会在生命中最意想不到的时候得到东西。
记住，所有的牺牲总有一天会给你带来结果，所以请耐心等待。爱是一个人能做的最好的也是最坏的事情。这就是为什么它被称为“坠落”。
最后，我真的很感谢我的前任教我如何独立生活。我现在已经成为一个更好的人，对我来说，生活的整个视角都改变了。自我成长和人格发展是我现在所追求的一切。
NOTE: This is my first post on Quora. During my tough phase, Quora has helped me a lot to recover. I had promised myself that one day when I feel better, I, too, will write an answer. Hope you all like my sincere attempt. Sorry I have kept myself anonymous because I am actually not comfortable (I have friends here) :p
因为有一天，她会遇到一个成功的我，并为自己的失败感到遗憾
注：这是我在Quora上的第一篇帖子。在我艰难的阶段，Quora对我恢复提供了很多帮助。我曾向自己保证，有一天我感觉好了，我也会写一个答案。希望你们都喜欢我这篇真诚的尝试性的回答。对不起，我一直保持匿名，因为我实际上不舒服（我有朋友在逛Quora）
What life lessons have video games taught you?
This will sound ridiculous, but…
I thought Agar.io reflected life.
You start small, and usually, no one notices you much.
As time progresses, you keep working and you grow.
People start noticing you and some try to devour you for their own benefit. They see you as either predator or prey.
You can also help each other out by giving up a tiny bit of yourself (time, energy etc) in exchange for an alliance. (Friendship.)
Sometimes, things don’t go so well, and you’ll need to make huge sacrifices in order to survive. (Splitting to escape a predator.)
The bigger you get, the slower you move. (Responsibilities.)
When you get to the top be wary of “friends”
The bigger you are, the easier it becomes to kill newer players.
电子游戏教会了你什么生活经验？
这听起来很荒谬，但…
我想《Agar.io》反映了生活。
你从小做起，通常没人注意到你。
随着时间的推移，你不断工作，不断成长。
人们开始注意到你，有些人为了自己的利益而试图吞噬你。他们将你视为捕食者或猎物。
你也可以通过放弃自己的一小部分(时间、精力等)来帮助对方，以换取联盟。(友谊)。
有时候，事情进展得不太顺利，为了生存，你需要做出巨大的牺牲。（为了躲避捕食者而分裂。）
你越大，动作越慢。（职责。）
当你到达顶峰时，要提防“朋友”
你越强大，就越容易杀死新玩家。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
1. Expectations hurt.
2. Never trust anyone blindly. No matter how good/sweet/smart/intelligent/loving/caring he/she is, everyone is looking out for a better option.
3. Your family is an exception to point 2. They always stick by you, NO MATTER WHAT!!!!
Considering the upvotes this answer is getting, I would add some other life lessons which my first love taught me.
People have a role to play in your life. They come and go. What remains is the memories associated with them.
Absence of people does not hurt as much their memories and promises do.
Can love happen twice? SURE!!! She was as much involved in our relation as I was. If she could love again, why can't I!!
1、期望受损。
2、不要盲目相信任何人。无论他/她有多好/可爱/聪明/理解力强/有爱心/关心人，每个人都在寻找更好的选择。
3、有关第2点，家人是例外。无论发生什么，他们总是支持你。
考虑到这个答案得到的好评，我想补充一些我的初恋教给我的其他人生经验。
他人在你的生活中扮演着一定的角色，来了又走。剩下的是与他们相关的记忆
没有人会像他们的回忆和承诺那样伤人。
爱情能发生两次吗？当然！！！她和我一样参与了我们的关系。如果她能再爱一次，我为什么不能！！
Can it happen thrice? SURE!! same reason again. :D (jokes are important too)
I try to see my mistakes, so as not to repeat them with the next one. I try to take it as a lesson. Learn, apply and move on.
People love to hear about others' distress/sorrows. It relieves them of the feeling that they are the only ones suffering. And it helps a lot. I have no shame in admitting that I loved it. Made me realize that I had only one problem-one breakup(mine was a five year long relation). People are dealing with far worse.
There is no soulmate for you. You just have to find the one who is willing to work things out, even when they themselves don't want to. The one with same level of commitment as yours.
Do good without the intention of any returns.
My first love made me a better person, not before but after the breakup.
什么，你以为我会为打翻的牛奶哭泣。我已经过了那个阶段。这也是一个重要的问题，我也做得很好。我把眼泪都哭出来了，我还不知道我这么虚弱。
它能发生三次吗？当然！！同样的原因（笑话也很重要）。
我尽量看清自己的错误，以免在下一个错误中重蹈覆辙。我试着把它当作一个教训。学习、应用并继续前进。
人们喜欢听到别人的苦恼/悲伤。这让他们不再觉得自己是唯一受苦的人。这有很大帮助。我毫不羞愧地承认我喜欢这样。让我意识到我只有一个问题——分手(我的恋情持续了五年)。人们面对的情况要糟糕得多。
你没有灵魂伴侣。你只需要找到一个愿意解决问题的人（即使他们自己不想）—一个和你一样投入的人。
行善而不求回报。
我的初恋让我变得更好，不是在分手之前，而是在分手之后。
She blushes and says, “I like you.”
I start to feel uncomfortable now.
I was still very raw after my breakup — not yet ready to move on.
Wounds yet to heal, with a bandage that was barely hanging on.
I say, “Um....why?”
She says, the yellow light in the bar bouncing off her blue mascara, “I don't know. There's just something about you.”
My ex-girlfriend had moved on by then.
She was heading towards a happy, committed relationship, and there I was.
In front of someone who was pretty, smart, intelligent, the first real time I was out with someone in a long time.
她脸红了，说：“我喜欢你。”
我现在开始感到不舒服。
分手后我还是很生气，还没准备好继续前进。
伤口还没有愈合，绷带还没挂上。
我说：“嗯……为什么？”
酒吧里的黄色灯光从她的蓝色睫毛膏上反射出来，她说，“我不知道。但你身上有某种特质。”
我的前女友那时已经搬走了。
她正朝着一段幸福、忠诚的关系迈进，而我还是老样子。
在一个漂亮、聪明、理解力强的人面前，这是我很久以来第一次和别人一起出去。
She asks, “Why not?”
I lie, “Umm, it's a long story. But, I don't believe in relationships anymore.”
We spoke for a while, went to the smoking room, came back, and rejoined our mutual friends.
I excused myself soon enough — and left as she insisted I stayed back.
On my way home, the events of the night played around in my head.
Round and round.
I kept asking myself, “Why not? She has moved on. Why can't you?”
That's when it hit me.
The most important lesson from my first relationship.
It wasn't that hard.
Healing — moving on — isn't hard.
WE make it hard.
我说：“我不知道该怎么跟你说，但我还没准备好。”
她问：“为什么不呢？”
我撒谎，“嗯，这是一个很长的故事。但是，我不再相信爱了。”
我们聊了一会儿，去了吸烟室，回来了，回来后又回到我们共同的朋友身边。
我很快就离开了——她坚持要我留下来，但我离开了。
在回家的路上，我的脑海里浮现出了当晚发生的事情。
一轮又一轮。
我一直在问自己：“为什么不呢？她已经走了。为什么你不能开始新关系？”
就在那时，我突然意识到：我从第一段感情中学到的最重要的一课。
没那么难：治愈——继续——并不难。
我们自己让它变得困难而已。
Our first love gives us a wonderful feeling, totally overwhelming us and making us feel alive.
However, most of us don’t end up marrying our first love. It is as if we are tricked into receiving a divine taste, which is then taken away from us.
Why do we experience these elevated feelings that soon fade away?
It is in order to develop our feelings, especially regarding the special feeling of love. After losing our first love, we can then learn to work on ourselves in order to understand what love truly is and how to reach it.
We can then add intellect to the original emotion of love that we had from childhood, before our hormones developed, and which swept us into a frenzy. Afterward, we can discern how our initial feeling of love gave us a special sense of life.
我们的初恋给了我们一种美妙的感觉，让我们完全无法抗拒，让我们感觉活着。
然而，我们大多数人最终并没有与初恋在一起。这就好像我们被骗去接受一种神圣的味道，然后又被拿走了。
为什么我们会经历这些很快就会消失的情绪？
这是为了发展我们的感情，特别是关于爱的特殊感觉。在失去初恋后，我们可以学会为自己工作，以了解什么是真正的爱，以及如何实现爱。
然后，我们可以在我们的荷尔蒙发育之前在我们童年时的原始爱的情感上加上智力，毕竟荷尔蒙使我们陷入疯狂。之后，我们可以看出我们最初的爱是如何给我们生命带来一种特殊的感觉的。
We can bring this light into our lives by wanting to love as the force of love does: with no calculation of self-benefit embedded within. It was this same force of love that illuminated upon us and gave us the feeling of love through what we felt as the obxt of our first love.
We have the opportunity to reach a much greater sensation of love by thinking about the source of love from which we receive everything, including our first love. However, we have problems connecting the eternal force of love that is behind everything we feel (which is called “the Creator” or “nature” in the wisdom of Kabbalah) to the original juvenile love that we felt.
根据卡巴拉（犹太教神秘主义体系）的智慧，我们被赋予与初恋有关的狂喜的感觉，是为了向我们展示爱的光芒——一种超越我们目前对现实的感知和感觉的永恒的创造力——比我们在生活中感受到的任何东西都要伟大。
我们可以通过想要像爱的力量一样去爱，把这种光明带入我们的生活:：不考虑内在的自我利益。正是这种爱的力量照亮了我们，并通过我们感觉到的初恋的对象，给了我们爱的感觉。
我们有机会通过思考爱的来源来获得更大的爱的感觉，我们从爱中获得一切，包括我们的初恋。然而，我们很难将我们所感受到的一切事物背后永恒的爱的力量(在卡巴拉的智慧中被称为“造物主”或“自然”)与我们所感受到的最初的少年之爱联系起来。
Therefore, the elated feeling of our first love is given to us and then stripped from us in order to help us work toward achieving it by ourselves. Love is the ultimate source of all life, the force of nature that creates, sustains and develops everything in existence, and toward us.
Instead of receiving an obxt of love and yearning with no choice, as we did with our first love, we can learn from such an experience in order to apply our own yearning to love all humanity, nature and the reality surrounding us. By doing so, we acquire the greatest possible love, and we all develop toward such a sensation. Everything happening to us ultimately comes to develop us in order to discover the perfect and all-encompassing love that exists in reality.
所有的爱都来自同一个源头。仇恨也有同样的根源，它存在于爱中，就像硬币的反面一样。我们被赋予这样的情感是为了发展我们自己，让我们变得像爱本身的力量一样有爱——在我们的爱中没有一丝私利——通过这样做，我们体验永恒和完美。
初恋带给我们的那种狂喜的感觉先是被赋予，然后又被剥夺，目的是帮助我们自己努力去实现它。爱是所有生命的终极源泉，是最本质的力量，它创造、维持和发展着存在中的一切，并带我们前进。
与其像初恋那样，毫无选择地接受一个爱的对象和渴望，我们可以从这样的经历中学习，以便应用我们自己的渴望去爱所有的人类、自然和我们周围的现实。通过这样做，我们获得了最大可能的爱，我们都朝着这种感觉发展。发生在我们身上的一切最终都会让我们得到发展，以发现存在于现实中的完美而全面的爱。
Never tell people 100%, tell them 70% about yourself, and 30% should be hidden.
Anyone you love can die. Any time. Cherish them.
Fairness is unnatural. Nothing is 100% fair.
Live life the way you want to live it. Because even people who care for you can’t be with you every step of the way.
People only want to hear the good, not the bad. So if you have issues, it’ll be hard to find people to confide in.
Respect yourself, because people can see if you don’t.
Everyone has a mask and they play different ones to different people. Lovers, families, coworkers…you’ll be surprised how different people can be in different social contexts.
It doesn’t matter how good your grades are, because grades aren’t everything and people pay more attention to your social skills. Grades only take you halfway.
Once you hurt someone, they’re not likely to forget. They will always remember how much you’ve hurt them. One negligible action can have devastating consequences.
Appearances DO matter. We live in a condemnatory, judgmental world. Your family, friends, coworkers, bosses will judge you for your actions to some extent which brings me to make this conclusion.
It is impossible to please everyone. There will ALWAYS be someone who disagrees with you, and frankly, you’re not living life if you don’t have enemies. Better be someone with your own thoughts and opinions than a people pleaser.
永远不要把自己的事都告诉别人，告诉他们70%的情况就行，剩下的30%应该隐藏起来。
你爱的人都会死。任何时候都做到珍惜她们。
公平是不自然的，没有什么是100%公平的。
按照你想要的方式生活。因为即使是关心你的人也不可能每一步都和你在一起。
人们只想听好的，不想听坏的。所以如果你有问题，很难找到可以倾诉的人。
尊重你自己，因为如果你不尊重自己，别人能看出来。
每个人都有一个面具，他们给不同的人展示不同的面具。爱人、家人、同事……你会惊讶于不同的人在不同的社会环境中是多么的不同。
你的成绩有多好并不重要，因为成绩不是一切，人们更关注你的社交能力。成绩只能让你走一半。
一旦你伤害了某人，他们很难忘记。他们会永远记得你对他们的伤害。一个微不足道的行动可能会产生毁灭性的后果。
外表很重要，我们生活在一个谴责、评判的世界。你的家人、朋友、同事、老板都会在某种程度上评判你的行为，这让我得出了这个结论
取悦每个人是不可能的。总会有人不同意你的观点，坦率地说，如果你没有敌人，你就不是在生活。与其做一个讨人喜欢的人，不如做一个有自己想法和观点的人。
My first love went through 4 phases. And with each phase I learned a lesson.
#1 – Falling In Love : It was the first time I was projecting my hopes and dreams onto someone. I felt like my love is a kind of relationship related in the famous movies. And that nothing in the planet could break it. My Hormones like oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin went wild, and added to the feeling of warmth and – well, love.
Lesson Learned : I finally understood what true love meant. Love meant that you care for another person’s happiness, more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.
This is what I used to think about the most during this phase :
我的初恋经历了4个阶段。每一个阶段我都吸取了教训。
1、坠入爱河：这是我第一次把希望和梦想投射到某人身上。我觉得我的爱情是一种与著名电影有关的关系。地球上没有任何东西可以打破它。我的荷尔蒙，如催产素、多巴胺和血清素变得疯狂，增加了温暖和爱的感觉。
经验教训：我终于明白了真爱的含义。爱意味着无论你面临多么痛苦的选择，你关心他人的幸福，而不是关心你自己的幸福。
这是我在这一阶段最常思考的问题：
Lesson learned : People Change – Nothing Is Forever
People just change – simple and plain. What we were one year ago, is not who we will become tomorrow. It seemed to be childish of me to think that my first relationship would last forever, nothing does. You cannot change people. Just make sure that you enjoy each moment of your love and cherish it as sometimes life does not go as you wish.
It is nearly impossible to find a silver lining in breakups.
This is how it was :
2、幻灭：恋爱1年半后，这一阶段开始了。对我来说，这一阶段是“结束的开始”。一切似乎都错了。她开始感到不那么安全，也不太被人欣赏。所有对完美的幻想都破灭了。她认为这是不正常的。她以为自己做了错误的决定。她没有将这一阶段视为进一步发展的机会，而是决定容忍平庸。后来决定放弃。
经验教训：人会改变——没有什么是永远的
人们只是在改变——简单而朴素。一年前的我们，并不是明天的我们。我觉得我的第一段感情会一直持续下去，这似乎太幼稚了，什么都不会。你不能改变人。只需确保你享受你爱的每一刻，并珍惜它，因为有时生活并没有如你所愿。
几乎不可能在分手中找到一线希望。
它是这样的：
Lesson Learned : Breakup is more tougher than Engineering. Trust Me!
Yeah! Exactly, that’s how I felt.
3、分手后：那些日子是我一生中最艰难的日子。我试了很多办法让她回来。但她和我已经结束了。很快，我意识到她已经向前看了。我似乎突然被拉到了地上，因为我过去唯一认为稳定的关心走到了尽头。而且，积极思考是非常具有挑战性的。在我对周围世界的看法中，总是阴云密布。即使在晴朗的日子里，天空也显得阴云密布，灰蒙蒙的。一切似乎都没有希望了。我不顾一切地想要有所感觉。但我觉得我什么都做不了。我和世界之间好像隔着一堵玻璃墙。进行正常的谈话是很困难的。
经验教训：分手比工程更难。相信我！
是 啊没错，这就是我的感觉。
Lesson Learned : You Are Stronger Than You Think
When I was in relationship with my first love, I could not imagine the life without her. However, now I am. Without my first love. Because life still goes on – and when you overcome the horrific crying phase, your life will be much better. You are way stronger than you think. Trust me.
The catch is : Nobody wants their first love to end. Many individuals are lucky enough to have their first love as the only one in their lives, but for others, they are not called unlucky, at least for me, because they are destined to lose their first love and are bound to learn some hard lessons of their lives. They may be called fortunate enough to learn important lessons after losing their first love.
4、移动位置：
经验教训：你比你想象的更强大
当我和初恋恋爱时，我无法想象没有她的生活会是什么样。然而，现在她离开我了，生活仍在继续——当你克服了可怕的哭泣阶段，你的生活会更好。相信我：你比你想象的要强大得多。
关键是：没有人希望自己的初恋结束。很多人都很幸运，他们的初恋是他们生命中唯一的初恋，但对其他人来说，他们也并不被称为不幸，至少对我来说是这样，因为他们注定会失去初恋，并且一定会从他们的生活中吸取一些惨痛的教训。他们可能被称为是幸运的，在失去初恋后，他们学到了重要的教训。