QA问答：当你爱的人不爱你时，为什么还要和你一起度过30年？
Why would someone you love spend 30 years with you when they weren''''t in love with you?
译文简介
让我们看看……情绪稳定、经济稳定、社会地位、对独处的恐惧，你可能是他们所能选择的最好的，他们可能很早就和你有了孩子，并决定给孩子一个完整的家，他们想离开，但是现在过得太舒适了，他们不想重新开始，他们不希望人们因为他们离婚而评判他们，离婚太麻烦了，你对他们已经没有了吸引力，但是你是一个体面的配偶，他们没有其他正当理由可以离开，等等……
我逐渐发现，在婚姻和各种关系中，大多是一方在容忍另外一方。我与人们就他们与配偶的关系，进行了很多坦诚的交谈。真相令人痛心，这是一个不能得到充分解决的可悲现实。
正文翻译
Why would someone you love spend 30 years with you when they weren't in love with you?
当你爱的人不爱你时，为什么还要和你一起度过30年？
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Let’s see… Emotional stability, financial stability, social status, the fear of being alone, you might have been the best they could do, they might have had kids with you early and decided to keep the family together for the kids, they wanted to leave but got comfortable, they didn’t want to start over again, they didn’t want people to judge them for getting a divorce, getting divorced would be too messy, they weren’t attracted to you but you were a decent spouse and they had no other valid reason to leave etc..
I’m coming to find that in a good portion of marriages/relationships, at least one of the parties is just tolerating the other one. I’ve had a lot of candid conversations with people about their relationships with their spouses. The truth hurts and it’s a sad reality that’s not addressed enough.
让我们看看……情绪稳定、经济稳定、社会地位、对独处的恐惧，你可能是他们所能选择的最好的，他们可能很早就和你有了孩子，并决定给孩子一个完整的家，他们想离开，但是现在过得太舒适了，他们不想重新开始，他们不希望人们因为他们离婚而评判他们，离婚太麻烦了，你对他们已经没有了吸引力，但是你是一个体面的配偶，他们没有其他正当理由可以离开，等等……
我逐渐发现，在婚姻和各种关系中，大多是一方在容忍另外一方。我与人们就他们与配偶的关系，进行了很多坦诚的交谈。真相令人痛心，这是一个不能得到充分解决的可悲现实。
Because neither person has the balls to be honest about how they no longer are in love with their wife or husband. Neither one wants to be the bad guy. No one wants to be the one that broke up the family. Basic human fear. fear is the driving force that has everyone stuck in a marriage that they no longer want to be in.
因为两个人都没有勇气诚实地说出他们已经不再爱他们的妻子或丈夫。谁都不想成为坏人。没有人愿意成为那个拆散家庭的人。最基本的人类恐惧。恐惧是促使每个人都陷入他们不再想要的婚姻的动力。
I have been with my husband for almost 35 years and I worry all the time that I just fit like a comfortable old shoe that he can't part with. People do it all the time tho and they also have affairs. That would kill me and this man treats me good some of the time but also treats me like crap alot of the time but I still love him very much. I believe in my heart he talks to other woman but I don't have any proof I also don't look for any really either. Best of luck to you
我和我丈夫在一起快35年了，我一直担心他把我当成一双穿起来舒适的旧鞋，他无法割舍。人们总是这样做，他们也有外遇。这会杀了我，这个男人有时对我很好，但也经常对我像对垃圾一样，但我仍然非常爱他。在我心里，我相信他已经和别的女人谈了，但是我没有任何证据，我也没有去寻找任何证据。祝你好运。
They feel safe and comfortable with you. They care and respect you.
他们和你在一起感到安全和舒适。他们关心和尊重你。
Some people are not capable of loving someone in that special way. They follow lust throughout their life and it’s no different than a junky being addicted to some drug. And I shouldn’t say it like that because love if you ever find it is also just as addictive.
有些人没有能力用那种特殊的方式去爱一个人。他们一生都追随欲望，这与吸毒成瘾无异。我不应该这样说，因为这会让你发现爱也可能变成一种瘾。
I spent 10 years with someone I didn’t love. We had 2 kids and I just got caught up in the family routine. I worked, socialized and was always very busy so I didn’t dwell on the fact that I didn’t love him. However at the 10 year mark I realized how unhappy I was and decided to get divorced. The same realization probably has happened in your case. I am sorry that this has happened to you.
我和一个我不爱的人相处了10年。我们有两个孩子，我总是被家庭琐事所困扰。我工作、社交，而且总是很忙，所以我没有纠结时间我不爱他这个事实。然而，到了第10个年头，我突然意识到自己有多不开心，决定离婚。同样的认识可能也发生在你的案例中。我很抱歉发生在你身上。
Realize you have been made a fool of because you failed to see the actual signs in front of you and because you were in love, you assumed that person loved you as well. You have been betrayed, hoodwinked, deceived, lying to yourself as well as being lied to. Now just pull yourself up from your straps and just move on. Another life lesson.️
你意识到你被愚弄了，因为你没有看清眼前的真实，因为你陷入了爱情之中，你以为那个人也爱你。你已经被背叛了，被欺骗了，被蒙骗了，你还在自欺欺人。现在，把捆住自己身上的安全带解开，继续前进。又是一堂人生课。
If you can’t be with the one you love, Love the one you’re with. In other words - Settle. Fear is a powerful emotion—many people settle out of fear and some do not commit - or make that move due to fear. They stay single, due to fear.
如果你不能和你爱的人在一起，那就爱和你在一起的人。换句话说，定下心来。恐惧是一种强大的情绪，许多人出于恐惧而安定下来，有些人因为恐惧而不承诺或做出某种举动。由于恐惧，他们一直单身。
They were just waiting for the right person to come along and leave with that person…I know I was that person…a woman married for 25 years with 2 teen sons had fallen out of love with hubby and I came along…so lucky no one else noticed she had already mentally left him 15 years earlier but stayed just for the sons till they were teens…then she left with me
他们只是在等待合适的人，然后和那个人一起离开……我知道我就是那个人……一个女人，结婚了25年，有两个十几岁的儿子，曾经也爱过她的丈夫，然后我来了……幸运的是，没有人注意到这一点，她早在15年前就在精神上离开了丈夫，但为了儿子们待到十几岁……然后她和我一起离开了。
Sounds like a bunch of guff to me I was in a non marriage myself for 22 years and after destroying my soul by having affairs I finally gave up my son was grown up I finally left the only reason to stay is for the children not for self interest that’s how sad the world is these days
这听起来像是一堆废话。我结婚22年了，在经历了婚外情，摧毁了我的灵魂之后，我终于放弃了。我的儿子长大了，我终于离开了，留下来的唯一理由是为了孩子，而不是为了自己的利益，这就是当今世界的悲哀。
A person can always start anew. The world is how we look at it. There's a lot of bad going on, but, the world is beautiful. There's still good people in this world. You don't have to be so sad, you can have a life after divorce. It's up to you what you do.
一个人总是可以重新开始。我们怎么看待世界，世界就是怎么样的。世界有很多不好的地方，但是，世界还是美丽的。这个世界上还是有好人。你不必如此伤心，离婚后你还是可以继续生活。你要怎么做取决于你自己。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I would say they got comfortable and didn’t want to start over again, plus these days you can’t really trust people and it a long process getting to know another person, but some would cheat and still be with the person and act like nothing is wrong, a person can use the world I love you and never mean it. In a relationship a person could come as a lesson or a blessing, just know the difference.
我想说，他们现在过很舒服，不想重新开始，但是，现在你不能真正信任别人，了解另一个人是一个漫长的过程，有些人会出轨，仍然和那个人在一起，表现得若无其事，一个人可以利用别人的爱，但是他们从未注意到这一点。在一段关系中，你可以把那个人当做一个教训，也可以把他当做一种祝福，重要的是，你要搞明白其中的区别。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Your comment is so true.
你的评论太真实了。
Ok what about people who have an arranged marriage by their parents. They are not inlove, but they choose, to love, that person. We can’t all be madly inlove. That’s not reality. Most people choose comfort, over madly inlove, which makes them ending up crazy, and unhappy.
好吧，那些父母包办婚姻的人呢？他们没有恋爱过，但是他们选择去爱对方。我们不可能都疯狂地相爱。这不现实。大多数人选择舒适，而不是疯狂的爱，疯狂的爱让人最终变得疯狂和不快乐。
Why do you think they weren’t in love with you? That’s along time…I don’t think most could hold on that long for nothing.
你觉得他们为什么不爱你？这是很长的一段时间了……我想大多数人都不会白坚持那么久。
Money, drugs, and a place to sleep.
钱、毒品和睡觉的地方。
Because their selfish and uncaring.
因为他们自私而冷漠。
Because one of these people are lying either he is lying to the wife or the rest of his friends!!
因为这些人中有一个人在撒谎，要么是在对妻子撒谎，要么就是对其他朋友撒谎！！
Some are afraid to leave. Feel stuck. Maybe trapped with no way to get on there feet.
有些人害怕离开。感觉被卡住了。也许被困在那里，没有办法站起来。
----这里有删评
You breached his trust by checking his phone. Get yourself sorted before being so harsh on others.
你查了他的手机，破坏了他的信任。在对他人如此苛刻之前，先管好你自己。
Maintaining a relationship over the course of 30 years without love is no small feat. Yet, it isn't all that uncommon either.
In fact, many marriages continue long after romantic feelings have faded away and are replaced with something else entirely.
So why would someone you love remain committed to you for such a long time when they aren't in love with you?
The answer likely varies from couple to couple, but some common threads do exist throughout these longevity stories.
One possible reason could be that the couple has built a life together over those 30 years, investing in property and having children.
Even if there is no love left between them, they feel an obligation to one another due to the shared investments they have made as a couple.
This feeling of responsibility often keeps couples together even if the romantic feelings have faded away.
Another possibility is the importance of shared values and life goals; if two people share similar visions for their lives together, they are more likely to stay together than those who don't agree on how to spend their life.
Additionally, some people feel comfortable staying in their current relationship because of fear or lack of knowledge about what else is out there for them.
在没有爱情的情况下，维持30年的感情是不小的壮举。然而，这也并不罕见。
事实上，许多婚姻在浪漫的感情消失，并完全被其他东西所取代之后，仍会持续很长时间。
那么，当你爱的人不爱你的时候，为什么他们会对你忠诚这么长时间呢？
答案可能因夫妻而异，但在这些故事中确实存在一些共同的线索。
一个可能的原因是，这对夫妇在这30年里共同建立了生活，投资房产，并生了孩子。
即使他们之间没有爱了，他们也会因为作为一对夫妻所做的共同投资而感到对彼此有义务。
这种责任感通常会让情侣保持在一起，即使浪漫的感情已经消失。
另一种可能性是共同价值观和人生目标的重要性；如果两个人对共同生活有着相似的看法，那么他们比那些在如何度过一生上意见不一致的人更有可能在一起。
此外，有些人因为害怕或不知道自己还有什么，所以觉得在目前的关系中待着很舒服。
Because they want the society to see them as responsible and decent. It was his decision to marry you, mistake or not so he decided to stick to his decision.
因为他们想让社会看到他们有责任感和体面。娶你是他的决定，不管错与否，所以他决定坚持自己的决定。
Because that's bollox if they are saying that they never loved you, pure utter nonsense they must have loved u at one time serious. I guess now they have fell out of love with u, but no matter what they will care about u. I'm sorry this as happened after all those years but hopefully ur young enough to find someone else.
如果他们说他们从未爱过你，那是胡说八道，他们一定曾经爱过你，真的。我想现在他们已经不爱你了，但是不管怎么说，他们依然关心你。我很抱歉，这么多年过去了，但希望你足够年轻，能够找到其他人。
Why not?
Even if someone isn’t in love with me, I can still be useful, interesting, or comforting to be around. There’s a lot more to life than being “in love”. Many people spend decades with their siblings or long-term best friends even if they’re not “in love” with them. It’s becoming more common for people to love and shelter their children for even longer than 30 years even though they’re never “in love” with them. That would mean that those children end up spending more than 30 years with their parents even though they are often wired to rebel against their parents during adolescence.
Many people find comfort in the familiar. As long as they don’t get annoyed out of their circumstances, many people just tend to stay wherever they are. Why wouldn’t someone spend 30 years with you?
为什么不呢？
即使有人不爱我，我仍然可以是有用的、有趣的或令人安慰的。生活中有比“恋爱”更多的东西。许多人与他们的兄弟姐妹，或长期最好的朋友共度数十年，即使他们没有“爱上”他们。人们对孩子的爱和庇护甚至超过30年，这变得越来越普遍，尽管他们从未“爱上”过他们。这意味着这些孩子最终会和父母在一起30多年，尽管他们在青春期经常会反抗父母。
许多人在熟悉中找到安慰。只要他们不因环境而烦恼，许多人就倾向于待在任何地方。为什么某些人不能和你一起度过30年？
Because they made a commitment to God or themselves, as well as you.
因为他们对上帝或自己以及你做出了承诺。
It feels safe and secure, they’re comfortable being around you. They know what type of person you are and life is simpler being with someone who you feel unlikely to leave you.
感觉很安全，他们在你身边很舒服。他们知道你是什么类型的人，和你觉得不太可能离开你的人在一起生活会更简单。
Sometimes it just seems easier to stay in a relationship then starting over again and sometimes for financial reasons. I've been married f or 15 years and if I had the financial means to leave I probably would.
有时是因为想先保持一段关系，然后找到时机再重新开始，有时是因为经济原因，经济原因的可能性更大。我结婚15年了，如果我有经济能力离开，我可能会离开。
Simplest answer is the obxt of no affection has MONEY!!!!
最简单的答案是没有感情的对象有钱！！！！
Because they’re co-dependent and have no idea how to be alone.
因为他们相互共同依赖，不知道如何独处。
Economic or personal convenience. It’s like asking why a person why they work a job they didn’t love.
经济或个人便利。这就像问一个人为什么要做他们不喜欢的工作。
It could probably be due to some pressyre like addiction, affliction, corruption or codependancy
这可能是由于一些压力，如成瘾、痛苦、堕落或共同依赖。
Everyone lies you know.
你知道的，每个人都在撒谎。