你有孩子吗?为什么有或者为什么没有呢（二）

Nadia
Do you want kids someday?
No. I do not.
I don't want my life to revolve around a bunch of ungrateful, annoying, sh*tting, booger-filled humans. I want my life to revolve around a great career.
I am not saying I dislike kids. In fact I care for them, entertain them, I am protective of them. However, to raise one's of my own is a no-go.
Another big reason is my mental health. I have repeatedly failed at being kind to myself and a child dosen’t deserve my inner toxicity. To have the weight of someone's well-being on my shoulders, I cannot handle it. Also, being the skeptic I am, I would be unable to give my child a stable moral foundation which is necessary for a good-upbringing.
Another thing I'm unwilling to face is the pain of childbearing and the loss of my slim figure.

你将来想要孩子吗?
不，我不想。
我不想让我的生活围绕着一群不领情的、恼人、羞怯、充斥着鼻涕的人。我希望我的生活以伟大的事业为中心。
我并不是说我不喜欢孩子。事实上，我关心他们，招待他们，对他们也有兴趣。然而，养育自己的孩子没办法的。
另一个重要原因是我的心理健康问题。我一直都没能善待自己，一个孩子不应该受到我内心的毒害。一个人的幸福重担压在我肩上，我承受不了。而且，作为一个怀疑论者，我将无法给我的孩子一个稳定的道德基础，这是良好的教养所必需的。
另一件我不愿意面对的事情是生孩子的痛苦和失去苗条的身材。

Edit: I am not so arrogant as to say I will never change my mind. In life, nothing is certain except uncertainty, and my reasons to have children may outweigh my reasons to not have children in the future. My mental health will improve after therapy and my skepticism could fade with life experience.
I consider both adoption and fostering as an act of charity towards humanity, as well as sponsoring a child overseas. Therefore, I'm not inherently completely opposed to “helping out" in that way, especially since childbearing and losing my body shape dosen’t come into play there.
Besides, a great career, although awesome and fulfilling isn't the only thing that is awesome and fulfilling. Caring for a human may be awesome and fulfilling too, in a way that all acts of charity are. And I would be able to manage that on a non-permanent basis at least.
I also plan to be an extremely present aunt for the children of my siblings, because I never had that growing up.
Childfree by choice:women on why they don't want children

编辑:我不会傲慢到说我永远不会改变主意。在人生中，除了不确定，没有什么是确定的，未来我想要孩子的理由可能会超过我不想要孩子的理由。我的心理健康会在治疗后得到改善，我的怀疑可能会随着生活经验的积累而逐渐消失。
我认为收养和寄养以及对海外儿童的赞助都是对人类的一种慈善行为。因此，从本质上来说，我并不是完全反对以这种方式“帮助别人”，尤其是在生孩子和失去体型都不会在这方面起作用的情况下。
此外，一份伟大的事业，虽然令人敬畏和满足并不是唯一令人敬畏和满足的事情。在某种程度上，所有的慈善行为都是如此，照顾一个人也可能是令人敬畏和满足的。而我至少可以在非长期的基础上做到这一点。
我还计划成为我兄弟姐妹的孩子们的姑姑，因为我从小到大从来没有这样的经历。
选择不要孩子:数位女性谈她们不想要孩子的原因。

Cari Small-Canfield
Is asking someone, “when are you going to have kids” an invasive question?
Yes it is.
You’re implying that having children is expected of them, and you’re not taking into consideration that they may not want to have children, or you may be reminding them of the painful truth that they can not have children even though they want to.
It’s none of your business, and if they want you to know, they’ll tell you themselves.
Wendy Brown
Why do people keep having kids?
Well, now, I can only speak for myself. I have five children. Each one was born healthy and beautiful and I love them all with everything I have in me. They are all adults now and my 16th grandchild is due in August. I had my children because I wanted them. I did not expect them to be “perfect” (I certainly am not) but they are intelligent, happy adults in good marriages, with good jobs. What more can anyone ask for? I can't think of anything better.
Cari Small-Canfield

问某人“你什么时候要孩子”是一个侵犯性的问题吗?
是的,这是。
你是在暗示他们应该要孩子，而你没有考虑到他们可能不想要孩子，或者你可能是在提醒他们一个痛苦的事实:即使他们想要，他们也不能要孩子。
这不关你的事，如果他们想让你知道，他们会自己告诉你的。

Wendy Brown

为什么人们一直要孩子?
现在，我只能代表我自己说话。我有五个孩子。每一个孩子出生时都健康美丽，我用我的一切爱着他们。他们现在都是成年人了，我的第16个孙子的预产期在8月份。我生孩子是因为我想要他们。我没有指望他们是“完美的”(我当然也不是)，但他们是聪明的、幸福的成年人，婚姻美满，工作不错。人们还能要求什么呢?我想不出更好的了。

Matt Zhang
For current teenagers - do you want children of your own in the future? Why or why not?
Eughhh, noooo!
Few reasons:
I don't wanna look at a baby’s genitals. I don't care if they're my progeny. I'm not a pedophile, so I'm not gonna look at my kid’s giblets while wiping their ass. Which brings me to my next point…
I don't wanna wipe their ass. Baby sh*t is notoriously fluidic and also yellow-ish. It should be classed as a bioweapon by the Geneva Convention.
I don't wanna get married or be in a position where I have to take care of a child with someone else. Conversely, I don't wanna take care of a child by myself.
Raising a child is incredibly expensive. You have to pay millions of dollars for toys, education, video games, clothes, housing, food, and all the other things to make sure you won't scar their life.
I'm a narcissist so I want me to be the main character in my life. I'm not selfless enough to give that mantle up to my child.
I’m probably better off being a godfather or an uncle or something. The perfect balance between having enough interaction with the kid to be fun, while not having enough responsibilities .
Kids are fun to mentor, teens are usually tolerable as long as they aren't dicks. So I'd be fine being an uncle or something like that.
Matt Zhang

对于现在的青少年，你想在未来有自己的孩子吗?为什么要或为什么不要?
额，不想！
些许原因：
我不想看婴儿的生殖器。我不在乎他们是不是我的后代。我不是恋童癖者，所以我不会一边给孩子擦屁股一边看他们的残余物，这就引出了我的下一个观点：
我不想给他们擦屁股。婴儿的大便是出了名的流体状，而且是黄色的。根据《日内瓦公约》，它应该被列为生物武器
我不想结婚，也不想陷入要和别人一起照顾孩子的境地。反过来，我也不想一个人带孩子。
抚养孩子的费用非常高昂。你必须为玩具、教育、视频游戏、衣服、住房、食物和所有其他东西支付数百万美元，以确保你不会给他们的生活留下伤痕。
我是个自恋狂，所以我想让自己成为生活的主角。我还没有无私到把这块责任交给我的孩子。
我最好还是当个教父或者叔叔什么的。既要和孩子有足够多的互动，让他们觉得有趣，又不能承担足够多的责任。
指导孩子是有趣的，青少年通常是可以忍受的—只要他们不是混蛋。所以当个叔叔之类的也挺好的。

Anonymous
Do psychopaths love their children?
No, I do not "love" my children... but they certainly believe that I do. I view my children as possessions. This is going to "sound awful," but I view them as pets/dolls of sorts. They are mine to train, teach, and mold.
1. I told them what to do, and they did it. Period.
2. I answered their questions, but they knew to ask them in private (not in public). I generally did not lie when answering these questions...
--- (ie: They ask, "Where do babies come from?" I have the sex talk with them [my daughter was 5 when she first asked this and my son was 8 the first time he asked]. However, if they were to ask, "Mum, do you love us?" I would of course, say something along the lines of, "With all my heart!" because I recognized that they have feelings and I do not and I want my "pets" to be happy and content. I have no wish to do them emotional harm.)

精神病患者爱他们的孩子吗？
不，我不“爱”我的孩子……但他们肯定认为我爱他们。我把我的孩子视为财富。这听起来“很糟糕”，但我把她们看作是某种宠物/玩偶。他们是由我来训练、教导和塑造的。
1.我告诉他们该怎么做，他们做到了，仅此而已。
2.我回答了他们的问题，但他们知道要私下（而不是公开）来问问题。回答这些问题时，我一般不会撒谎。
(例如:他们问:“婴儿是从哪里来的?”我和他们谈性话题(我女儿第一次问这个问题时5岁，我儿子第一次问这个问题时8岁)。然而，如果他们问：“妈妈，你爱我们吗？”我当然会说一些类似于，“全心全意！”因为我意识到他们对我有感情，而我对他们是没有感情的，我希望我的“宠物”快乐和满足。我不希望伤害他们的感情。)

3. They were never permitted to believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, or any other such nonsense.
4. They began learning meditation and yoga when they were very young. (daughter, age 2; son, age 3).
5. People that interacted with my (young) children were not permitted to use sarcasm when communicating with them or "joke" with them. Young children do not understand sarcasm and "joking around." I allowed them to learn it with their peers at school (which was about 5th/6th grade).
6. My children were taught about all different kinds of religion and they were permitted to choose whichever one they felt suited them best.
--- (My daughter chose Wicca and my son is "spiritual").
My children are well-behaved, graduated with honors (both high school and college), and have successful, blooming careers in their prospective fields. They understand how to play the game without being over-shadowed and consumed by the game. They were trained to be wolves, not sheep.
Although I am proud that they are mine and I approve of them, I do not love them.

3.他们从不被允许相信圣诞老人、复活节兔子、牙仙子或其他类似的无稽之谈。
4.他们很小的时候就开始学习冥想和瑜伽。（女儿2岁；儿子3岁）。
5.与我的(年幼的)孩子互动的人（在与他们交流或“开玩笑”）不允许讽刺。年幼的孩子不懂讽刺和“开玩笑”的区别。我允许他们在学校(大概是5 /6年级)和同学一起学习。
6.我的孩子们被教导各种不同的宗教，他们被允许选择他们认为最适合自己的宗教。
（我的女儿选择了巫师，我的儿子是“精神文明”）。
我的孩子们品行端正，以优异的成绩毕业（高中和大学），在他们未来的领域里有着成功、辉煌的事业。他们知道如何玩游戏而不会因游戏让自己蒙上阴影和不会让游戏消耗自己时光。他们被训练成狼，而不是羊。
虽然我为他们是我的孩子而自豪，我也赞许他们，但我并不爱他们。

Steve Rubin
If you had a choice between saving your partner and your newborn baby, who would you choose and why?
I had that choice in 1988 and the choice was my partner (wife). My wife was 25 weeks along with twins (when 26 weeks was viability). Due to medical complications she was going into premature labor and was at risk to bleed out due to placenta Previa (the splitting of the placenta caused in part due to being a direct hit by a tornado). The doctor told me that he may have to make a choice. As hard as it was to have to make a choice, making the choice was easy in my mind, my Wife.
I look at it this way. God saved us in the tornado strike. The babies were way early and if they survived birth were given only a 10% chance to survive with large complications. This also helped assure me in my mind that my decision was sound.
The bottom line is that my wife survived after a number of units of blood were administered where we almost lost her. My oldest son only lived 6 hours in my arms (my wife was very drugged) but his twin brother survived and this last Christmas Evening celebrated his 29th birthday, fighting many significant medical issues of prematurity as well as Down Syndrome (which he would have had even if he was full term).
I have no doubt I made the right decision!

如果让你在拯救你的伴侣和拯救你刚出生的孩子之间做出选择，你会选择拯救谁，为什么？
1988年，我做出了这样的选择，选择拯救我的伴侣（妻子）。我妻子怀孕25周的时候发现有了一对双胞胎(当到26周时为可生存期)。由于医疗并发症，她即将早产，并有因前置胎盘(部分由于龙卷风的直接袭击导致胎盘破裂)而大出血的风险。医生告诉我他可能得做个选择。尽管做出选择很困难，但在我心里，做出选择很容易，那就是选择拯救我的妻子。
我是这么看的。在龙卷风袭击中，上帝拯救了我们—婴儿出生太早了，即使他们活了下来，也只有10%的机会存活下来，并伴有严重并发症。这也让我确信我的决定是正确的。
最重要的是，我的妻子在输了很多单位的血后活了下来，当时我们差点失去了她。我的大儿子在我怀里只活了6个小时(我妻子吃了很多药)，但他的双胞胎弟弟活了下来，在去年的圣诞节晚上庆祝了他29岁的生日，克服了因早产带来的严重问题和唐氏综合症(即使他足月也会得唐氏综合症)的疾病。
我毫不怀疑我做了正确的决定！

Geoffrey Widdison
Are rich kids smarter than poor kids?
Statistically, yes. But with a whole bunch of asterisks.
This is an uncomfortable truth, and one which we hate to admit, but every metric we can possibly use for intelligence will show a very marked difference between children of the wealthy and children of the poor. There are very real questions about what constitutes intelligence, but everything we can agree on as being a measure of general intelligence gives the advantage to rich kids. There are, of course, dumb rich kids and smart poor kids, but the statistical average is beyond question.

富裕环境下的孩子比贫困家庭的孩子聪明吗？
从统计数据来看，是的，但有一大堆星号。
这是一个令人不安的事实，也是一个我们不愿承认的事实，但我们可以用来衡量智力的每一个指标都会显示富人的孩子和穷人的孩子之间有着非常显著的差异。关于智力的构成有很多问题，我们一致认为，衡量一般智力的标准都是富二代占据优势。当然，有愚蠢的富人和聪明的穷人，但统计平均数的话，这个结论毫无疑问是正确的。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

The natural question that arises is "why". That's hard to answer, not because it's mysterious, but because there are so many possible answers, it's hard to tease them out. Rich kids tend to grow up in more stable, nurturing and stimulating environments. Literally from the womb, they have access to better food, cleaner water, cleaner air, and less stress. They tend to grow up with highly educated role models, and usually access to early childhood education and development. Any developmental issues are likely to be caught and addressed early on. They go to better schools, and have a more diverse range of experiences and opportunities.
Stress is a big factor in this that we often don't hit as hard as we should. If someone grows up in a truly unstable environment, in which things like violence, neglect, and the various dangers that come from poverty are a part of their daily life, that hugely impacts brain development. This is known as "toxic stress syndrome". When you feel yourself to be in danger, your body and brain respond on a biological level. Your bloodstream is flooded with stress hormones. Your higher reasoning functions shut down and divert power to the more primitive parts of the brain in a "fight-or-flight" response. It's not hard to learn under those conditions, it's literally impossible. And when that happens chronically, day in and day out, to a small child, it vastly harms brain development. And that's without even getting into brain impacting pollutants (such as lead) which are demonstrably worse in poor areas.

自然引发一个问题：“为什么”。这很难回答，不是因为它很神秘，而是因为有太多可能的答案，所以很难把它们梳理出来。富有的孩子往往在更稳定、更有教养和充满新思想的环境中成长。从字面上看，从出生起，他们就可以获得更好的食物、更干净的水、更清洁的空气和更少的压力。他们在成长过程中身边往往有受过高等教育的人作为其榜样，通常有机会接受幼儿教育和得到发展。任何发展中的问题都可能很早就被发现和解决。他们就读于更好的学校，拥有更多样化的经历和机会。
压力是造成这种情况的一个重要因素，我们往往没有受到应有的打击。如果一个人成长在一个真正不稳定的环境中，像暴力、忽视和来自贫困的各种危险都是他们日常生活的一部分，这将极大地影响大脑的发展。这被称为“中毒性应激综合征”。当你感到自己处于危险之中时，你的身体和大脑会在生物层面上做出反应。你的血液里充满了应激激素。你的高级推理功能在“战或逃”反应中关闭，并将能量转移到大脑中更原始的部分。在这种情况下学习并不难，实际上是不可能的。当这种情况日复一日地长期发生在小孩身上时，会极大地损害大脑发育。而且，这甚至还没有接触到影响大脑的污染物(如铅)，而这些污染物在贫困地区明显更严重。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Now, there's another factor here which is very ticklish to talk about, and that's genetics. If anyone even mentions genetics and intelligence in the same conversation, people will accuse you of promoting eugenics. I want to make clear that I'm the first to agree that the relationship between DNA and intelligence is complex and hard to pin down, and the relationship between wealth and intelligence is even more complex and raises a host of both social and philosophical problems. All of that said, it is both intuitive and supported by the evidence that, all other things being equal, smart people are more likely to rise economically. That means that there's unquestionably a correlation between IQ (or whatever measure of intelligence you prefer) and wealth. To the degree that intelligence is genetic (and I put that degree at around 50%), children who are born into wealth are more likely to have a high IQ. And the reverse is also true. People with low IQ's are likely (though not guaranteed) to fall in economic standing, and pass both that poverty and their genes on to their children.
As before, this is not to say that all rich people are smart, or that all poor people are not. People can be born into poor circumstances and be smart and achieve great things, it happens all the time. And rich people can be foolish, lazy, and inadequate in any number of ways. None of this applies to every individual, only to large groups. But statistically, the fact that wealth and intelligence trend together shouldn't be controversial.

现在，这里还有另一个非常棘手的因素，那就是遗传学。如果有人在同一次谈话中提到遗传学和智力，人们会指责你提倡优生学。我想明确指出，我是第一个同意DNA和智力之间的关系复杂且难以确定的人，而财富和智力之间的关系甚至更复杂，引发了一系列社会和哲学问题。综上所述，在其他条件相同的情况下，聪明人更有可能在经济上崛起，这既直观又有证据支持。这意味着智商（或任何你喜欢的智力指标）和财富之间毫无疑问的存在相关性。就智力取决于基因的程度而言(我认为这一比例约为50%)，出生于富裕家庭的孩子更有可能拥有高智商。反之亦然。低智商的人很可能(尽管不能保证)经济地位不如别人，并将贫穷和他们的基因遗传给他们的孩子。
和前面一样，这并不是说所有的富人都聪明，或者所有的穷人都不聪明。人们可能出生在贫穷的环境中，但很聪明，并取得伟大的成就，这种情况一直都在发生。富人在很多方面都可能是愚蠢、懒惰和不称职的。这些并不适用于每一个个体，只适用于大的群体。但从统计数据来看，财富和智力的共同趋势不应该是有争议的。

Clare Celea
How can I decide if I want to have kids?
Ok, people are definitely going to disagree with me on this one so bear that in mind right at the start :)
I think you shouldn't have kids unless you badly want them. Unless you feel your life will be wasted and incomplete without parenthood.
Now, you're young so the fact that you don't feel the drive yet doesn't mean you never will. It hit me at about 26, although I always knew I wanted children in principle, as it were. But the biological clock went off and the hunger to be a mother consumed me. It was worse than the loneliness and feel seeing all your friends pair off while you remain single. To me, that need is vital.

我如何决定是否要孩子？
好吧，在这个问题上，人们肯定会不同意我的观点，所以一开始就要记住这一点：
我认为除非你非常想要孩子，否则你不应该有孩子，除非你觉得没有父母，你的生活将是浪费和不完整的。
现在，你还年轻，所以你还没有感觉到动力并不意味着你永远不会感觉到。大约26岁的时候，我突然想到，尽管我一直都知道原则上我想要孩子。但生物钟响了，渴望成为一个母亲的欲望吞噬了我。这比看到你所有的朋友都成双成对，而你仍然单身时的那种感觉和孤独更糟糕。对我来说，这一需求至关重要。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

The reason I say this is that parenting can be really hard. Your child might be disabled, defiant, or just completely unlike you in every possible way. And you will need to deal with whatever parenthood throws at you. I have no idea how parents manage if they were just meh about having children in the first place. It seems to me it would be easy to get resentful and angry under those circumstances.
But when you want parenthood so badly, you commit to it wholeheartedly because you cannot accept a life without children. So you're in a better position to handle the slings and arrows, as well as savour the joys and rewards that come with the job.
Now, I'm not saying this is a perfect system. Some people who have children without really wanting them do great, and some who really want them are disappointed by the realities of parenthood and become resentful. But overall, I still think only people who really want kids should have kids.

我这么说的原因是，养育子女可能真的很难。你的孩子可能残疾、挑衅，或者在所有可能的方面都与你完全不同。你将需要处理为人父母给你带来的一切。如果父母一开始就不想要孩子（而又有了孩子），我真不知道他们该怎么办。在我看来，在这种情况下这很容易让人怨恨和生气。
但当你如此渴望为人父母时，你就会全身心地投入其中，因为你无法接受没有孩子的生活。这样你就能更好地应对工作带来的各种不利因素，也能更好地享受工作带来的快乐和回报。
现在，我并不是说这是一个完美的系统。有些人有了孩子却不是真正想要他们，他们做得很好，而有些人真的想要孩子，却对为人父母的现实感到失望，变得怨恨。但总的来说，我还是认为只有真正想要孩子的人才应该要孩子。

Juliet Bahiyyih Martinez
Why is parenting harder nowadays?
I gave birth to a colicky baby 14 years ago. For five months, hour after hour, I walked the halls of my house alone, bouncing my screaming child in my arms while my husband was at his teaching job or on the side gigs he took so we could afford to live on just one income. I was desperate for help. I asked everyone i knew to come keep me company, bring me a meal or take a turn with the baby. My sister, whom i had helped with her babies, worked full time and lived 90 minutes away. My parents lived thousands of miles away. My mother-in-law had her hands full caring for another grandchild whose mom worked long hours. Of all the friends i asked for help, one single friend actually did. Once.

为什么现在育儿更难了？
14年前我生过一个疝气宝宝。五个月来，一个小时又一个小时，我独自一人在家里的走廊里走着，怀里抱着尖叫的孩子，而我丈夫则在做他的教学工作或做他的兼职，这样我们就能靠一个人的收入维持生活。我非常需要帮助，我请我认识的每个人都来陪我，给我带顿饭，或者轮流带孩子。我的姐姐，我曾经帮她带过孩子，她全职工作，住在90分钟车程的地方。我父母住在千里之外。我婆婆忙着照顾另一个孙子，那个孙子的妈妈工作时间很长。在我请求帮助的所有朋友中，有一个朋友确实帮了我，也就一次。

Now imagine having an infant with colic 100 to 200,000 years ago, or today in any of several traditional cultures where people live in extended families and interconnected communities. The baby cries and is passed around until someone sings to them just right or does just the right dance to soothe it. Pretty soon, uncle Yurfick or whoever is the designated baby soother, building a lifelong connection with the young one. Yes, mom is generally the food source, but when baby's stomach is full, many other arms are eager to hold and care for them. Baby grows up surrounded by cousins of different ages as well as grandparents and other elders.
Which would you choose? I'd definitely go for the latter if I had a choice.
I've been through a lot parenting two special needs kids without almost any family or community support. Modern day parenting is extremely isolating even without having kids with physical and/or developmental disabilities. As they get older, the isolation continues because you can't just send them outside to play anymore. Your neighbors will call social services.

现在想象一下，在100到20万年前，或者今天，在一些传统文化中，人们生活在大家庭和有联系的的群体中，有一个疝气宝宝。婴儿哭时，然后被传来传去，直到有人给他们唱合适的歌或跳合适的舞来安抚婴儿。很快，尤尔菲克叔叔或任何被指定为婴儿安抚者的人，就会与小婴儿建立起一生的联系。是的，妈妈通常是食物的来源，但当婴儿的肚子吃饱了，许多其他的手臂都渴望抓住并照顾他们。婴儿在不同年龄的堂兄妹、祖父母和其他长辈的陪伴下长大。
你会选择哪一个？如果我可以选择的话，我肯定会选择后者那样的环境。
在几乎没有任何家庭或群体支持的情况下养育两个有特殊需要的孩子。即使孩子没有身体障碍或发育障碍，现代的育儿是非常孤立的环境。随着他们年龄的增长，孤立的状态继续存在，因为你不能再让他们出去玩了，不然你的邻居会打电话给社会服务部。