一位教授告诉我，在中国和其他一些亚洲文化中，告诉家人你爱他们，甚至是对自己的孩子，都被认为是很恶心的。这是真的吗，如果是的话，为什么会这样？
A professor told me that in China and some other Asian cultures it is considered icky to tell family members you love them, even one''s children. Is this true and if so why is this?
译文简介
它不被认为是恶心，而是不真诚。
正文翻译
A professor told me that in China and some other Asian cultures it is considered icky to tell family members you love them, even one's children. Is this true and if so why is this?
一位教授告诉我，在中国和其他一些亚洲文化中，告诉家人你爱他们，甚至是对自己的孩子，都被认为是很恶心的。这是真的吗，如果是的话，为什么会这样？
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
一位教授告诉我，在中国和其他一些亚洲文化中，告诉家人你爱他们，甚至是对自己的孩子，都被认为是很恶心的。这是真的吗，如果是的话，为什么会这样？
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
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It isn't considered icky, but rather insincere.
Traditionally speaking, Chinese culture (and by extension Japanese and Korean culture as well, to my knowledge) glorifies non-verbal implications. The most important things in life are usually implied, instead of directly communicated. Deepest feelings between parents, friends and lovers are implied not declared. You see this all the time in our poems and verses.
This tradition is so deeply rooted, frankly declared love and admiration are often considered flattering and insincere.
I've never said I love you in my entire life, not even to my parents. It doesn't feel natural. It feels weird, forced. It almost felt like if you say it, it's not real anymore.
There's a famous story about the renowned writer Natsume Sōseki:
So Natsume was teaching English in a local middle school, and one of the translation assignments include translate the words "I love you" from English to Japanese. His students translated word for word. Natsume expressed his dismay upon reading it:
You can't say things like that, we're Japanese! The most we can say is "the moon is lovely tonight".
But with modernization and westernization, you hear more and more of direct and open expression of love between young people.
它不被认为是恶心，而是不真诚。
从传统上讲，中国文化（据我所知，日本和韩国文化也是如此）推崇非语言的暗示。生活中最重要的事情通常是隐含的，而不是直接传达的。父母、朋友和恋人之间最深的感情是暗示而不是声明。你在我们的诗歌和诗句中一直都能看到这一点。
这种传统是如此根深蒂固，以至于坦率地宣布的爱和钦佩往往被认为是奉承和不真诚的。
在我的一生中，从未说过我爱你，甚至对我的父母也没有。这么做给人的感觉不是很自然。感觉很奇怪，很勉强。几乎像是如果你说出来，它就不再真诚了。
有一个关于著名作家夏目漱石的著名故事：
夏目在当地一所中学教英语，其中一项翻译作业包括将"我爱你"这句话从英语翻译成日语。他的学生们逐字逐句地翻译。夏目读完后表示失望：
你不能这么说，我们是日本人! 我们最多只会说"今晚的月亮很可爱"。
但是随着现代化和西方化，你会听到越来越多的年轻人之间直接和公开的爱的表达。
So long as they genuinely care about what you ate for dinner they genuinely love you.
只要他们真正关心你晚餐吃了什么，他们就是真正在爱你。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
It's similar in India too. I've never said “I love you" to my parents. Nor have they. That's because their parents never used the phrase either.But we know we all love each other. However, I tell my daughter “ I love you” every single day and she says it often too.
在印度也是如此。我从来没有对我的父母说过"我爱你"。他们也没有。那是因为他们的父母也从未使用过这句话。但我们知道我们都爱对方。然而，我每天都会对我女儿说"我爱你"，她也经常这么说。
Same in India too. It's almost as if the value of the relationship reduces if the feelings are verbalized, and repeated verbalization is taken as a sign of insecurity.
在印度也一样。几乎可以说，如果把感情说出来，关系的价值就会降低，而反复说出来则被认为是不安全的表现。
It is so true in Tamil culture too!
It is classic what Natsume said!
“You can't say things like that, we're Japanese! The most we can say is "the moon is lovely tonight".”
这在泰米尔文化中也是如此!
夏目说的很经典!
你不能这么说，我们是日本人! 我们最多只会说"今晚的月亮很可爱"。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
(Some) Chinese TV shows are awesome at showing this. 50+ episodes go by, "I love you" is never uttered…everything conveyed through expressions, implicit lines and metaphors.
whereas American tv shows are just a straight porn fest…
(一些）中国的电视节目在展示这一点上非常棒。50多集过去了，从来没有说过一句"我爱你"......一切都通过表情、隐晦的台词和隐喻来传达。
而美国的电视节目根本就是一个直接的色情盛宴......
Me being swedish and my wife japanese, what stands out more than anything to me is the difference in interaction with our parents. I can end a call with my mother saying “Love you” and that is for my wife an alien concept. We talked about this out of curiosity and it turns out she has never told her parents that she loves them, and vice versa. To me, this is alien!
Of course, this is no problem what so ever but it is a big difference. Swedes are not really known for being generous with showing feelings, but this is a remarkable difference that I find fascinating.
我是瑞典人，我的妻子是日本人，对我来说，最突出的是与我们父母互动的差异。我可以在电话结束时对我母亲说"爱你"，而这对我妻子来说是一个陌生的概念。我们出于好奇谈论了这个问题，结果发现她从来没有告诉过她的父母她爱他们，反之亦然。对我来说，这是一个陌生的概念。
当然，这并不是什么问题，但这是一个很大的区别。瑞典人自己并不以慷慨地表达感情而闻名，但这是一个显著的差异，我觉得很吸引人。
This is true in Indian culture too. Traditionally, it was neither common nor acceptable to say things like these explicitly. Things were meant to be “understood”, “felt”, and communicated through actions.
However, these days there is no relationship without an explicit declaration of “I love you”, especially in the urban areas.
Personally, I still find it an odd thing to say.
这在印度文化中也是如此。传统上，明确说出这样的事情既不常见，也不能接受。事情是要通过行动来"理解"、"感受"和交流的。
然而，如今没有一段感情不是通过宣告"我爱你"来确定的，特别是在城市地区。
就个人而言，我仍然觉得这是件奇怪的事。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Saying those words is considered icky, if not, weird. We don’t say them to friends and family. We simply show them.
说这些话被认为是恶心的，即使不是（恶心的），也被认为是奇怪的。我们不对朋友和家人说这些话。我们只用行动把它们展示出来。
I am a South African of Indian descent , 3 rd generation and saying I love you was not said as well in families. Rather it was accepted that your parents loved you . But these days people are saying it more often to loved ones and friends because we have become more westernized.
我是第三代印度裔的南非人，在家庭中说我爱你并不是那么容易。相反，人们可以接受你的父母说爱你。但现在人们更经常地对亲人和朋友说这句话，因为我们已经变得更加西方化了。
From another Asian community here! There isn't an exact sentence that translates to 'I love you' in my language. (To my knowledge) Declarations of love in elaborate poetry exists but simple sentences that can be conventionally used, don't exist. So when the younger generations need to declare love, we have to use other languages or weird word for word translations.
来自另一个亚洲社区! 在我的语言中，没有一个确切的句子可以翻译成"我爱你"。(据我所知）在精心雕琢的诗歌中对爱情的宣誓是存在的，但可以被常规使用的简单句子却不存在。因此，当年轻一代需要宣布爱情时，我们不得不使用其他语言或奇怪的逐字翻译。
These are the kinds of answers I love most about Quora. You explained an aspect of your culture that I’ve never heard before and it makes perfect sense! Thank you!
这些都是我最喜欢的Quora的答案类型。你解释了你们文化的一个方面，我以前从来没有听说过，而且很有意义！谢谢你!
Civilisations do mimic people behaviour I think. Young couples constantly touch each other or look to keep reiterating that they love each other. Older couples don’t even bother to speak each other yet far more secure in their love for each other. There is no real need to overtly express it once you know it is there. Of course situations do arise and one gets ample opportunities to speak their mind through actions. I do find western culture bit shallow at times.
我认为文明确实是人们行为的一种反映。年轻的夫妇不断触摸对方，或不断重申他们爱对方。老年夫妇甚至懒得多说一句，但他们对彼此的爱更有保障。一旦你知道它在那里，就没有真正的必要去公开表达。当然，现在人们确实越来越多地通过行动来表达自己的想法。不过我确实发现西方文化有时有点肤浅。
Does Chinese Japanese and Koreans go for arranged marriages as in India, to date I mean.
中国人、日本人和韩国人是否还像印度人一样进行包办婚姻。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I don’t know about Japan or Korea, but China don’t do arranged marriage, but we have this kind of arranged dating, or dating with marriage as goal.
So the parents would fix dates for their children. It's a nuisance to go to this kind of fixed dates (相亲), knowing parents have marriage in mind. But it's common.
我不知道日本或韩国的情况，但中国没有包办婚姻了，不过我们有那种包办的约会，或者说以婚姻为目标的约会。
父母会给他们的孩子确定日期。去参加这种固定的约会，（相亲）是件很麻烦的事，因为知道父母有想让你结婚的想法。但这很常见。
But I liked this new way. Rather running for date, spending unnecessary money, time to impress for love, have physical relations and then split for silly reasons, this is very fine. Elders understand more of men than young.
但我喜欢这种新方式。与其为约会而奔波，花不必要的钱和时间去讨好爱情，发生肉体关系，然后因为愚蠢的原因而分手，这是很好的。长者比年轻人更了解男人。
I’m actually and truthfully curious - are you saying many Asian cultures don’t believe in saying I love you because it’s insincere .. it had to have stemmed from somewhere to have it be considered taboo.
Please don’t take this the wrong way I’m am truthfully curious!
我其实很好奇--你是说许多亚洲文化不相信说我爱你，因为这是不真诚的......这种看法一定是源于某个地方，所以被认为是禁忌。
请不要误解我的意思，我是真的很好奇。
I think it’s rooted from the idea that “action weights more than words”. If you love and care about someone, you show it by your action not by words. If you show you love and care about someone, you don’t need to say it.
我想这是源于"行动比语言更重要"的想法。如果你爱一个人，关心一个人，你要通过你的行动而不是语言来表现。如果你表现出你对某人的爱和关心，你就不需要说出来。
Now I am gonna try “the moon is lovely tonight” or some equivalent of it “the moon is lovely tonight and the birds chirp and rejoice, the mermaids are dancing and the ambrosia is poring from cloudless skies” There has to be a plural somewhere when I convey this to the opposite gender aint it ? xD
现在我想尝试一下"今晚的月亮很可爱"或类似的说法，"今晚的月亮很可爱，鸟儿在欢快地鸣叫，美人鱼在翩翩起舞，无云的天空中飘来了暧昧的气息"，当我向异性传达这个信息时，一定要有一个复数的地方，不是吗？xD
that’s hilarious. I never actually realized that I’ve never really said “I love you” to my parents, more often it’s just saying something like “mom/dad you’re so great”. but “the moon is lovely tonight”? damn that’s really funny ^^;
真有意思。其实我从来没有意识到，我从来没有真正对我的父母说过"我爱你"，更多的时候只是说"妈妈/爸爸你真伟大"之类的话。 但是"今晚的月亮真可爱"？这真的很有趣^^
Studied at Ph.D Astronomy UT Austin, Physics MIT3y
It's considered odd.
Why is it necessary to explicitly say something that's true. It's like constantly saying that the sky is blue.
这被认为是很奇怪的。
为什么有必要明确说一些众所周知的东西呢。这就像不断地说天空是蓝色的。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I explain the technologies of modern aviation and space 3y
The question needs to be turned on its head.
It’s ONLY in America that this outpouring of love is frequently and volubly demonstrated in real life and much more so in their TV serials.
It doesn’t happen in the whole of South America and Cuba.
It doesn’t happen in the Carribean.
It doesn’t happen in Puerto Rico. (Is that a country? Nobody knows; even they don’t care.)
It doesn’t happen in England, Scotland and Wales.
It doesn’t happen in France.
It doesn’t happen in Germany.
It doesn’t happen in Ireland.
It doesn’t happen in Italy.
It doesn’t happen in Denmark.
It doesn’t happen in the Netherlands.
It doesn’t happen in Austria.
It doesn’t happen in Belgium.
It doesn’t happen in Sweden.
It doesn’t happen in Iceland.
这个问题需要反过来看。
只有在美国，这种爱的流露才会在现实生活中频繁而热烈地表现出来，在他们的电视连续剧中更是如此。
在整个南美洲和古巴，并不会发生这种情况。
在加勒比地区不是这样。
在波多黎各(那是一个国家吗？ 没人知道；甚至他们也不关心）不是这样。
在英格兰、苏格兰和威尔士不是这样。
在法国不是这样。
在德国不是这样。
在爱尔兰不是这样。
在意大利不是这样。
在丹麦不是这样。
在荷兰不是这样。
在奥地利不是这样。
在比利时不是这样。
在瑞典不是这样。
在冰岛不是这样。
在芬兰不是这样。
It doesn’t happen in Greenland.
It doesn’t happen in Spain, Portugal, or Turkey.
It doesn’t happen in Australia, New Zealand, or Papua New Guinea or the tens of thousands of Pacific Islands.
It doesn’t happen in all of Africa.
It doesn’t happen in Madagascar.
It doesn’t happen in Mauritius or Seychelles.
It doesn’t happen in Afghanistan.
It doesn’t happen in the Middle East.
It doesn’t happen in Russia or its neighbors.
Did I miss someplace? It doesn’t happen in there!
This practice is about as ridiculous as the game competition which nobody else on the planet participates in and the Americans call it The World Series!
在格陵兰岛不是这样。
在西班牙、葡萄牙或土耳其不是这样。
在澳大利亚、新西兰、巴布亚新几内亚或数以万计的太平洋岛屿不是这样。
在整个非洲不是这样。
在马达加斯加不是这样。
在毛里求斯或塞舌尔不是这样。
在阿富汗不是这样。
在中东地区不是这样。
在俄罗斯或其邻国不是这样。
我有漏过什么地方吗？那些不会这样的地方。
这种做法就像一场地球上没有人参加的比赛而美国人却把它叫做世界大赛一样荒谬！
Knows Mandarin Chinese3y
“love” is expressed in many ways in a traditional Chinese family. I am not sure if there is one general purpose, explicit form of expression, as saying “I love you, child/wife/husband/brother/sister/family/friend/mother land”.
The parent => child love is often referred to as “舐犊之情” meaning it is like the affection of an old cow licking its calf. In other words it is expressed in action, not so much in words
The love between lovers is often described as a type of harmony between soul mates. “琴瑟和鸣” meaning two different musical instruments played in a chord, or “鸾凤和鸣” meaning two different birds making a song together. It also implies the physical sex sometimes
However, in general, the modern people are much more explicit when they express love and affection.
在传统的中国家庭中，"爱"的表达方式有很多。我不确定是否有一种通用的、明确的表达方式，和跟：孩子/妻子/丈夫/兄弟/姐妹/家人/朋友/母亲说“"我爱你”一样。
父母=>孩子的爱经常被称为"舐犊之情"，意思是它就像老牛舔小牛一样的感情。换句话说，它是用行动来表达的，而不是用语言。
孩子=>父母的爱被理解为一种感恩，又称孝道。
恋人之间的爱经常被描述为一种灵魂伴侣之间的和谐。"琴瑟和鸣"指两种不同的乐器在一个和弦上演奏，或"鸾凤和鸣"指两种不同的鸟在一起唱歌。它有时也暗示着身体的性别
还有其他几种，每种不同的爱都有一个。经常使用比喻，而不是明确的文字。这就是传统的方式。
然而，一般来说，现代人在表达爱情和亲情时要明确得多。
Works at Oracle (company)3y
East asia culture is dominiated by the Confucious mindset, but I don’t know why that is the reason for this phenomenon. We don’t say a lot of ‘I love you’ to our parents or children, but we love them and care for them as much as westerners do. Although we don’t say so much ‘love’ directly, we say many blessing words and other caring words to express our love and care to our parents and children, and friends and relatives. And we focus on actions more than words to express our love —- do things that can be helpful for our loved ones, etc.
That said, young generations do say ‘I love you’ sometimes, between couples and between parents and their children, because young people are often open minded enough to accept much of the good aspects of other cultures.
东亚文化是由儒家思想主导的，但我不知道什么这是造成这种现象的原因。我们不会对父母或孩子说很多"我爱你"，但我们和西方人一样爱他们，关心他们。虽然我们不直接说那么多'爱'，但是我们会说很多祝福的话和其他关心的话来表达我们对父母和孩子，以及朋友和亲戚的爱和关心。而且我们更注重用行动而不是语言来表达我们的爱 -- 做一些对我们的亲人有帮助的事情，等等。
话虽如此，年轻一代有时确实会说'我爱你'，在夫妻之间，在父母和他们的孩子之间，因为年轻人往往思想开放，能够接受其他文化的许多好的方面。
Complicated life, opinionated, left, bisexual3y
I think actually that outside of the US this is not a common thing at all, apart from between lovers.
In the Netherlands too parents and children do not tell each other that they love each other. It’s obvious when they do, and it’s just as obvious when they don’t. I may have said to my kids that I loved them, once or twice. And they’re 24 and 26. They’d consider me insane if I’d do it on a daily basis.
I’ve been to a lot of European countries and I have not ever heard a parent say to their child that they loved them. I’ve not ever seen it in movies or tv shows.
It’s a typical American thing. And it’s also typical American to think that their rules, habits and morals are universal and that when they learn of a country that is different that that country is the exception.
In a lot of ways the Americans are the exception. Really.
我认为在美国以外的地方，除了恋人之间，这根本就不是一件常见的事情。
在荷兰，父母和孩子也不会告诉对方他们爱对方。他们爱的时候很明显，他们不爱的时候也同样明显。我可能对我的孩子说过我爱他们，一次或两次。而他们已经24岁和26岁了。如果我每天都这样做，他们会认为我是个疯子。
我去过很多欧洲国家，我从来没有听到过父母对他们的孩子说他们爱他们。我从来没有在电影或电视节目中看到过它。
这是一个典型的美国事情。这也是典型的美国人认为他们的规则、习惯和道德是世界普遍的，当他们了解到一个国家是不同的，那个国家就是例外。
在很多方面，美国人才是个例外。真的。
Half Southeast Asian, Half Eastern Asian
Because love can be expressed in many ways. And every culture has a different language for love. I think most cultures in the east do not use words of affirmation when expressing love. What's not being said can be more important than what's being said. Ability to observe all the subtleties is an important key.
因为爱可以用很多方式表达。而且每种文化都有不同的爱的语言。我认为东方的大多数文化在表达爱的时候都不使用肯定性的语言。没有说出来的东西可能比说出来的东西更重要。观察所有细微之处的能力是一个重要的关键。
Lives in China3y
This is a tricky way to describe the phenomenon. People in Asia certainly love their family and they do express love a lot. The problem is they don’t say it out love with the direct phrase “I love you”.
If fact, this is more considered a linguistic difference. Many linguists even consider that the verb “love” is pure narrative in Asian languages. It means that you can describe the “love” behavior using the verb “love”, for example in “he loves her” or “I love football”. But when you try to express your love to somebody, you don’t say the verb to him/her to express it, i.e. you don’t say “I love you”. You can say “my love for you is infinite/intense/killing me” or “you are the one that I love the most”.
The same rule applies to names. In European culture people shout out one’s name to show their respect while in Chinese culture saying someone’s name out loud is an insult. In Chinese and some other Asian languages, to avoid saying something means you respect and cherish it.
这是对这一现象的一种夸张的描述。亚洲的人们当然爱他们的家人，而且他们确实经常表达爱。问题是他们不会用"我爱你"这样的直接短语来表达爱。
事实上，这更多地被认为是一种语言上的差异。许多语言学家甚至认为"爱"这个动词在亚洲语言中是纯粹的叙述。这意味着你可以用动词"爱"来描述"爱"的行为，例如在"他爱她"或"我爱足球"。但当你试图向某人表达你的爱时，你不会对他/她说动词来表达，也就是说，你不会说"我爱你"。你可以说"我对你的爱是无限的/强烈的/杀死我的"或"你是我最爱的人"。
这条规则也适用于名字。在欧洲文化中，人们大声喊出一个人的名字来表示他们的尊重，而在中国文化中，大声说出一个人的名字是一种侮辱。在中文和其他一些亚洲语言中，避免说某件事意味着你尊重和珍惜它。
Banker
Because in Asia love is something given in concrete form and not a mere lip service.
因为在亚洲，爱是以具体的形式给予的，而不仅仅是口头上的。
Lives in Richardson
Chinese people are not good to express love. They always give money instead of say I love u.
中国人不善于表达爱。他们总是给钱，而不是说我爱你。
I can generally say, it would be ‘Icky’ in India.
Even personally, if my husband suddenly says ‘I love you’ I’d think he had fever.
The verbal expression of love is very insincere.
In most Indian languages we have many words of endearment, we do use those.
But love is to be shown not verbalized.
在印度，可以说这么说是“恶心”的
即使就我个人而言，如果我丈夫突然说'我爱你'，我也会认为他发烧了。
爱的口头表达是非常不真诚的。
在大多数印度语言中，我们有许多爱称，我们确实使用这些词语。
但爱是要表现出来的，而不是口头上的。
Originally Answered: Do Asian children as a general, not say "I love you" to their parents?
In general, I find this to be true.
Asian parents often live in such a way where acts of service are the proof of their love.
Cooking for us, providing for us, clothing us, doing everything they can to make sure we are better off than they were.
Pushing us to study so we do well in school, so we get good jobs, so we don't have to starve, so we can be healthy, so have a roof over our head and a bed to sleep on.
I know this because the question is always, "Have you eaten? Are you healthy? Are you getting enough sleep?"
原问题：亚洲儿童不会对他们的父母说"我爱你"吗？
一般来说，我发现确实如此。
亚洲父母的生活方式往往是以服务行为作为他们爱的证明。
为我们做饭，为我们提供食物，为我们提供衣服，尽一切可能确保我们比他们过得更好。
促使我们学习，使我们在学校表现良好，使我们得到好的工作，使我们不必挨饿，使我们能够健康，使我们有一处遮风挡雨的地方，有一张床睡觉。
我知道这些，是因为他们总是问："你吃了吗？身体好吗？有好好睡觉吗？"
But because of this dynamic, I never heard the words "I love you" growing up, I only saw it.
And so that has molded how I give and perceive love. My "love language" is in acts of service.
It's not that love is a foreign concept, it's just that there's more than one way to show it.
Some people demonstrate love by giving gifts, some with their words, some with being fully present and sharing quality time, some with psychical touch, and others with acts of service.
Most of us Asian children take years to learn to speak these other languages of love.
Whether we are a friend, relative, lover, or spouse, please be patient with us as we might not have learned that other people give and receive love differently.
And in reality, most people, not just Asians, are unaware of the book about The 5 Love Languages, so many relationships have needlessly gone through ups and downs because people misunderstand how others may give and perceive love in a completely different way.
我有偏见，但亚洲父母是"行动胜于言语"的化身。
但由于这种文化，我在成长过程中从未听到过"我爱你"这句话，我只看到了它。
因此，这也塑造了我给予和感知爱的方式。我的关于"爱的语言"是做出服务的行为。
这并不是说爱是一个陌生的概念，只是有不止一种方式来表达它。
有些人通过赠送礼物来表达爱，有些人用他们的语言来表达爱，有些人通过全身心的投入和分享美好的时光来表达爱，有些人通过精神上的接触来表达爱，还有一些人通过服务行为来表达爱。
我们大多数亚洲儿童需要多年时间来学习这些其他的爱的语言。
无论我们是朋友、亲戚、爱人还是配偶，请对我们有耐心，因为我们可能还没有了解到其他人给予和接受爱的不同方式。
而在现实中，不仅是亚洲人，大多数人都不知道关于《五种爱的语言》这本书，所以许多关系不必要地经历了起伏，因为人们误解了其他人可能以完全不同的方式给予和感知爱。
Seriously its so true. I don't even know the last time when I or my parents said "I love you" to each other .
说真的，这太真实了。我甚至不知道我或我的父母最后一次对对方说"我爱你"是什么时候了。
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