我怎样才能控制自己的愤怒（一）
How can I control my anger?
译文简介
网友：从前有一个男孩脾气很坏。他会为每一件小事生气。有一天，他的父亲给了他一袋钉子，告诉他：“每次你生气的时候，就把钉子钉进前面的那堵墙。”于是活动开始了。第一天，男孩钉了50颗钉子。第二天，他钉了40颗。每次他去那里，他都会后悔生气——把钉子钉进那该死的砖墙是一个很大的挑战......
正文翻译
How can I control my anger?
我怎样才能控制自己的愤怒?
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There once lived a boy who had a bad temper. He would get angry at every little thing. One day, his father gave him a bag of nails and told him, "Every time you get angry, hammer a nail into that front wall."
And so the activity started. On the first day, the boy hammered 50 nails. The next day, he hammered 40. Each time he used to go there, he repented being angry - it was quite a challenge to hammer a nail into that damn brick wall! Slowly, he discovered that controlling anger was easier than hammering, and the number of nails hammered started going down.
Eventually, a day came when he didn't get angry, and he felt the joy of it. Now his father gave him another task, "If you do not get angry the entire day, remove one nail from the wall." After several days, all the nails were removed.
Now his father took him near the wall and asked him what did he see. The boy replied that he can see holes in the wall. The father then explained to his son: "These holes are like the scars that you leave on people when you get angry. No matter how many times you say sorry, the scar does not go."
So I suggest you two things:
Realize that words once spoken cannot come back. Your anger hurts others and leaves a sour impression that lasts forever.
Each time you get angry, "hammer a nail". Simplest thing you can do is to carry a pocket diary and put a line each time you get angry. Then at night, count the number of lines for that day. If you make this a habit, each time you would get angry, you would be reminded to note it down. Indirectly, you would also realize that you getting angry. And because you are conscious and aware at that time, you would find it easier to control your actions and subdue anger.
I hope the day comes soon when you don't have any line in your diary.
从前有一个男孩脾气很坏。他会为每一件小事生气。有一天，他的父亲给了他一袋钉子，告诉他：“每次你生气的时候，就把钉子钉进前面的那堵墙。”
于是活动开始了。第一天，男孩钉了50颗钉子。第二天，他钉了40颗。每次他去那里，他都会后悔生气——把钉子钉进那该死的砖墙是一个很大的挑战！慢慢地，他发现控制愤怒比锤击要容易，锤击的钉子数量开始减少。
最终，有一天他没有生气，他感到了快乐。现在他父亲又给了他一个任务：“如果你一整天都不生气，就把墙上的一颗钉子拔下来。”几天后，所有的钉子都被拔掉了。
他父亲把他带到墙边，问他看见了什么。男孩回答说他能看到墙上的洞。父亲向儿子解释道：“这些洞就像你生气时留给别人的伤疤。无论你说多少次对不起，伤疤都不会消失。”
所以我建议你做两件事：
要知道，一旦说出的话就再也回不来了。你的愤怒伤害了别人，会给人留下永久的坏印象。
每次你生气，“钉钉子”。你们能做的最简单的事情就是随身携带一本袖珍日记，每次你们生气的时候写一行。然后在晚上，数一数那天的行数。如果你养成了这个习惯，每次你生气的时候，都会被提醒记下来。间接地，你也会意识到你在生气。因为那时你有意识和明白的，你会发现更容易控制自己的行为和抑制愤怒。
我希望这一天很快就会到来—你的日记里一行都没有。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Bhawna Dahiya就读于德里昌德拉姆公立学校
Stop controlling your anger. Just stop!
What we need to control is the things we do when we’re angry, not the anger itself.
This person just shouted at you for no reason and you got angry. Isn’t this pure biology?
Anger helps you set boundaries. It’s always a secondary emotion and comes in play when you’re not able to deal with things easily. It’s there to help you.
That person is still shouting at you. You don’t control your anger anymore.
You simply ask that person to shut up!
But also you don’t spill hot coffee over that person right? You control your reaction not your emotion. Getting the drift?
Anger is an emotion. And emotions, my friend, are meant to be expressed not compressed.
Compressed emotions are dangerous, toxic, unhealthy and every other negative adjective you like.
If you get angry, uate that thing for a second, and then control the things you do thereafter instead of controlling what you’re feeling.
If you accidently touch a hot pan, you don’t smile at it and tell it that it’s hot rather you just flinch away. Emotions exist for a reason.
Let’s practice this-
If you didn’t like my answer and are angry because I wasted your precious time, you have two options with you. Either just accept that you’re angry and control your reaction or jump into my comments section and tell me how crappy the answer is.
I wouldn’t mind either though.
这是我们学到的最糟糕的事情。
停止控制你的愤怒，停下来！
我们需要控制的是我们生气时所做的事情，而不是愤怒本身。
这个人无缘无故地对你大喊大叫，你很生气，这不是纯生理习性吗？
愤怒帮助你设定界限。它总是一种次要的情绪，当你不能轻松地处理事情时就会发挥作用。它是用来帮助你的。
那个人还在对你大喊大叫，你再也无法控制你的愤怒了。
你只需要让那个人闭嘴!
但你也不会把热咖啡洒到那个人身上，对吗？你控制自己的反应，而不是情绪。明白了吗？
愤怒是一种情绪。我的朋友，情感是用来表达的，而不是被压缩的。
压抑的情绪是危险的、令人极不愉快的、不健康的，以及你更像的任何其他负面形容词。
如果你生气了，先评估一下那件事，然后控制你以后做的事情，而不是控制你的感觉。
如果你不小心碰了一个热锅，你不会对它微笑并告诉它它很热，而只是退缩。情绪的存在是有原因的。
让我们练习一下：
如果你不喜欢我的回答，因为我浪费了你宝贵的时间而生气，你有两个选择。要么接受你的愤怒并控制你的反应，要么跳进我的评论区，告诉我我的答案有多糟糕。
不过我也不介意。
Anger is something that is very dangerous, therefore you need to control your anger. people who can’t control their anger are the most people who get themselves into bigger problems,
And this is the reason why if you go to our prisons, most of the people there in the prisons has regretted of being beast at that small possible time.
Self control is the key to dismiss anger. Those who can’t control themselves are easily to get problem and later cry out loudly for their punishment.
Any body can offend you, but you need to control yourself, or you should have a nice way to deal with them.
Africans have this nice proverb that says; the one you eat with is the one who takes your meat that means you can’t eat alone and still complain that someone has taking your meat.
愤怒是非常危险的，因此你需要控制你的愤怒。无法控制自己愤怒的人是最容易陷入更大问题的人，
这就是为什么如果你去我们的监狱，监狱里的大多数人都后悔在非常短的时间里成为野兽。
自我控制是消除愤怒的关键。那个些无法控制自己的人很容易遇到问题，然后因受惩罚而大声哭泣。
任何人都可能冒犯你，但你需要控制自己，否则你应该有一个很好的方法来对付他们。
非洲人有一句很好的谚语说：和你一起吃饭的人是那个拿走你肉的人，这意味着你不能一个人吃，还抱怨有人拿走了你的肉。
Since I have Anger issue, I have read a lot and watched many videos on this. Hardly any helped me.
Later I realized from my own experience on this few practical things that help me:
Often Anger is built up in conversations especially when you have difference with others on a topic. You give logic, then he or she gives counter logic. Then both try to hold to each other's ego. It slowly builds up and gets bursted. When it is getting built up, leave the conversation or diffuse it. For example at times in conversation with my sisters or parents I know things are getting built up. So I immediately cut the call saying a call from my boss is coming or an urgent work is there. It just breaks the build up
Try to understand the other side : Often we make many assumptions in our head for others. Always it's good to talk directly to the other person and know his or her side. On most of the occasions we can realize that the assumptions we made in our head about others is wrong. On most of the occasions.
When conversations are not going right way and anger is building up, put a question to other instead of saying a plain statement. Its a magic trick for me. For example, if Maa says you should not go there. Do not say I will go at any cost. Often it creates ego dispute. Rather put a question “ mom, why do you think I should not go there. Do you perceive any harm”. Just put a logical question. The other side too takes time to rethink and it often diffuses the situation.
Your experiences are your biggest teacher.
因为我有愤怒的问题，我读了很多，看了很多关于这方面的视频。几乎没有人帮我。
后来，我从自己的经历中意识到，这几件实用的事情对我有帮助：
通常，愤怒会在谈话中积累起来，尤其是当你与他人在某个话题上存在分歧时。你给出逻辑，然后他或她给出反逻辑。然后双方都试图抓住对方的自我。愤怒慢慢地积聚起来，然后爆发。当它建立起来的时候，离开对话或者分散它。例如，有时在与我的姐妹或父母交谈时，我知道事情正在变得越来越复杂。所以我立即挂断了电话，说老板来了，或者有紧急工作要做，这只是打破了愤怒积淀的过程
试着理解另一面：我们经常在脑海中为别人做很多假设。与他人直接交谈并了解对方的情况总是好的。在大多数情况下，我们可以意识到我们头脑中对他人的假设是错误的。大多数情况下都是如此。
当谈话进展不顺利，愤怒情绪高涨时，向对方提问，而不是直截了当地说。这对我来说是个魔术般的窍门。例如，如果妈说你不该去那里。别说我会不惜任何代价去。这通常会引起争吵。而是提出一个问题：“妈妈，为什么你认为我不应该去那里。你觉得若去那有什么害处吗？”。只要提出一个合乎逻辑的问题。另一方面也需要时间来重新思考，它往往会分散局势。
你的经验是对你帮助最大的老师。
This may look simple but it’s tough to implement.
When you are in an argument with someone, the whole time you are trying to prove them that you are right. As obvious as it is, the other person does the same. Our brains tend to process it this way. And it doesn’t end-up well. Now you are furious!!
How to fix this?
By diverting your mind to find a solution rather than proving your point.
What can you do?
Move yourself to somewhere you are alone without any interactions. Just sit with yourself. Now try to analyse what you might have done wrong instead of focusing what they have done. Don’t give justifications to your mistakes. Be willing to admit even if it’s small. Once you gain this sense of realisation, go and admit it to the person. The other person may or may not confess his own mistakes but this will help in calming down the situation.
One who realises and admits his mistakes, stays humble!
This is a good workaround i would say!!
这看起来可能很简单，但很难实现。
当你和某人争论时，你一直在试图向他们证明你是对的。显而易见，另一个人也这么做了。我们的大脑倾向于这样处理。结果并不好。现在你愤怒了！！
如何修复此问题？
转移你的注意力去寻找解决方案，而不是证明你的观点。
你能做什么？
把你自己搬到一个你独自一人的地方，不要进行任何互动。你自己坐着，现在试着分析你可能做错了什么，而不是专注于他们做了什么。不要为你的错误辩解。即使很小，也要愿意承认。一旦你获得了这种意识，就去向那个人承认。另一个人可能会也可能不会承认自己的错误，但这将有助于平息局势。
做一个意识到并承认错误的人，保持谦逊！
我认为这对解决愤怒来说是一个很好的方法！
Hello Everyone,
I am very happy to writing this first time on quora.
According to my knowledge and my perspective anger is a natural process, but this anger can ruin our image in offices, can ruin our relationships and also bad impact our mental health . I am very calm girl , I rarely get angry from anyone or in any situation, but it is a hard task to control my anger that time.
I am kind of girl who started weeping in worst anger condition that’s why i never show my anger on anyone. I think i am very good at controlling my anger But i feel showing anger or any emotion is a necessary process to be live. If you hide your emotions you will become a dead person very soon, so express your feelings, your love, your anger, all emotions to your family, friends and loved ones.
Well , these are some points which I try to control my anger.
Ignore Ignore and Ignore . This is best key to control anger till a limit.Try to ignore negative people and those who do back bitching.
Give yourself a break. Sit away from others.Most of the times I love to be alone. The more you will away from negative people the more you will happy and away from anger.
Controlling our mind is a very powerful thing and is not game of kids. The person who can control his mind is superman for me. Always Think that you have super powers to control your anger.
Close your eyes and deep breathe. Inhale Breathe with nose and exhale with mouth.
Start count down from 10 to 0. if you are in a situation that you can beat anyone in anger then you can increase this limit . By doing this your heart rate would be slow.
大家好，
我很高兴，今天第一次在quora上写这篇文章。
根据我的知识和观点，愤怒是一个自然过程，但这种愤怒会破坏我们在办公室的形象，破坏我们的关系，也会对我们的心理健康产生不良影响。我是一个非常冷静的女孩，我很少因任何人或在任何情况下生气，但当时控制自己的愤怒是一项艰巨的任务。
我是那种在最坏的愤怒状态下开始哭泣的女孩，这就是为什么我从不向任何人表达我的愤怒。我认为我很善于控制自己的愤怒，但我觉得表达愤怒或任何情绪是生活的必要过程。如果你隐藏你的情绪，你很快就会变成一个死人，所以把你的感受、你的爱、你的愤怒、所有的情绪都在你的家人、朋友和亲人面前表达出来。
好吧，我试着控制我的愤怒。
忽略。这是将愤怒控制到极限的最好方法。试着忽略消极的人和那些背后埋怨的人。
让自己休息一下，远离他人。大多数时候我喜欢独处。你越远离消极的人，你就越快乐，越远离愤怒。
控制我们的大脑是一件非常强大的事情，不是孩子们的游戏。对我来说，能控制自己思想的人就是超人。总是认为你有超能力控制你的愤怒。
闭上眼睛，深呼吸。用鼻子吸气，用嘴呼气。
开始从10倒计时数到0。如果你处于一种可以在愤怒中打败任何人的情况下，那么你可以增加这个限制。这样做你的心率会变慢。
Close your eyes and try to forget the current situation. Tell your mind to stay quiet , quiet and quiet.
Write down your anger on notepad or in notebook. I know one can write paragraphs about the situation, But it is good that You are expressing your anger and no one feeling hurt with your anger with the same time. After writing this you will feel very good. I also do this, and I love this trick. I have saved lots of paragraphs whenever i feel angry.
Listen your favourite songs to healing from anger. Music can change your mood to a different level.
Forgive More, Expect less.
Always consider yourself a superman/superwomen that If i can control my anger I can do anything . This would be more effective and definitely you will control your anger.
Last I only want to say, If still you are unable to control your anger then Express it by writing to that person who made you angry. There is nothing wrong in showing anger because it is natural but We should make sure another person should not get hurt.
Do not become violence in anger , it can ruin your home, social images, relationships and sometimes it could also lead to crime.
Go for a walk, Ride your bike, try to divert your mind . If you really want to express you anger then Run on tracks, Ride your bike, Dance hard, Do workout harder.
Well these all point are mine ways to get rid of anger. I hope this would be good for some manner.
Thanks a lot.
我过去常常从床上扔枕头和床单来减少我的愤怒，是的，这真的很管用。如果你真的疯了，就开始扔那些不能被打破的东西，比如床单、枕头、梳子、鞋子、报纸、钢笔、铅笔等等。这是我最喜欢的获得，用其控制我的愤怒。
闭上眼睛，试着忘记当前的情况。告诉你的大脑保持安静，安静，安静。
把你们的愤怒写在记事本或笔记本上。我知道有人可以写一些关于这种情况的段落，但你在表达你的愤怒，而没有人在表达愤怒的同时感到受伤，这很好。写下这篇文章后，你会感觉很好。我也这么做，我喜欢这个方法。每当我生气的时候，我都会保存很多段落。
听你最喜欢的歌曲来治愈愤怒。音乐可以把你的心情改变到一个不同的水平。
多原谅，少期待。
永远把自己当成超人/女超人，如果我能控制自己的愤怒，我可以做任何事。这会更有效，而且你肯定会控制你的愤怒。
最后我只想说，如果你仍然无法控制自己的愤怒，那么就写信给那个让你生气的人来表达愤怒。表达愤怒没有什么错，因为这是自然的，但我们应该确保另一个人不会因我的愤怒受到伤害。
不要在愤怒中使用暴力，它会破坏你的家庭、社会形象、人际关系，有时还可能导致犯罪。
去散步，骑自行车，试着转移你的注意力。如果你真的想表达你的愤怒，那么就在跑道上跑步，骑自行车，努力跳舞，努力锻炼。
这些都是我消除愤怒的方法。我希望这在某种程度上是有益的。
谢谢。
Here's an exciting study of the impact of feelings I want to share with you before talking about. ??
1. The anger inside us may damage our surroundings or our body.
2. As long as there is anger in us, even if we suppress it and not express it, it negatively affects our surroundings.
If we want to control our anger, we need to know where the anger comes from. We need to know the cause of our anger to get rid of it or control it.
在谈论之前，我想和大家分享一个关于受情感影响的令人兴奋的研究。
1、我们内心的愤怒可能会损害我们周围的环境或我们的身体。
2、只要我们心中有愤怒，即使我们压抑它而不表达，它也会对我们周围的环境产生负面影响。
如果我们想控制自己的愤怒，我们需要知道愤怒来自哪里。我们需要知道愤怒的原因，才能消除或控制它。
The root of anger comes from our lives and habits.
2. How can we control our anger?
Through meditation, I was able to learn and meet a straightforward solution to my anger. I want to share what I learned and realized.
Through the meditation method that can cleanse my mind, I could look back on myself and abandoned my life lived and habits rooted in my anger.
Looking deep in my heart, all the moments of high expectations for myself, expectations for others, and the habit of anger that I inherited from my parents and ancestors were piled up. Because those minds remained within me, so even if I tried not to get angry, I couldn't.
But because I get rid of those minds,
Strangely, my anger gradually disappeared, and my mind became naturally relaxed.
When there was a lot of anger inside me, I couldn't see myself obxtively. I was busy blaming others and only complained. Even if I did something wrong, I didn't think I was wrong. I just blamed others and the environment. However, after I abandoned my mind one by one, my anger began to disappear naturally. As much as I discarded it, I had the power to see myself obxtively, and I was able to recognize and admit my faults. I felt it was terrific. Instead of blaming others, I've come to appreciate it.
Anger cannot be resolved by suppressing it. Somehow it shows up. It's like you can't stop the smell just by covering the trash bin with the lid. You shouldn't just suppress your anger or ignore it; instead, you should empty your mind.??
Let's practice meditation that works for anyone. As I could do it, you can also do it.
1、愤怒来自哪里？
愤怒的根源来自我们的生活和习惯。
2、我们如何控制自己的愤怒？
通过冥想，我学会了如何直截了当地解决我的愤怒。我想分享我学到的和认识到的。
通过冥想的方法来净化我的心灵，我可以回首自己，抛弃我的生活和根植于愤怒的习惯。
纵观我的内心深处，所有对我自己、对他人的高期望，以及我从父母和祖先那里继承下来的愤怒习惯都被堆积起来了。因为那些想法一直在我心中，所以即使我试着不生气，我也做不到。
但因为我摆脱了这些想法，
奇怪的是，我的愤怒渐渐消失了，我的心自然放松了。
当我内心充满愤怒时，我无法客观地看待自己。我忙着责备别人，只是抱怨。即使我做错了什么，我也不认为我错了。我只是责备别人和环境。然而，在我一个接一个地放弃了我的想法之后，我的愤怒开始自然消失。尽管我放弃了它，但我有能力客观地看待自己，我能够认识并承认自己的错误。我觉得太棒了。我不再责备别人，而是开始感激它。
愤怒不能通过抑制来解决。不知怎的，它出现了。就好像你不能仅仅用盖子盖住垃圾箱就止住这股气味。你不应该只是压抑你的愤怒或忽视它；相反，你应该清空你的头脑。
让我们练习对任何人都有效的冥想。我可以做到，你也可以做到。
Trying to control your anger is part of the problem. ‘Control’ as a word has repressive connotations, your anger is just a tool, and like any tool it serves a purpose. You just need to understand why you get angry, then learn to make use of said anger appropriately.
In the end any emotion can be a negative if it’s used incorrectly, anger just gets more of a bad rap because it also usually affects other people instead of just us.
But remember that your anger is also a valuable and vital part of you, you just need to avoid misusing it. If you want to rip up a pavement then no tool is more suitable than a Jackhammer, but I wouldn’t hammer in nails with it.
试图控制自己的愤怒是问题的一部分。”“控制”这个词有压抑的含义，你的愤怒只是一种工具，就像任何工具一样，它也有目的。你只需要理解你为什么生气，然后学会适当地利用愤怒。
最后，如果使用不当，任何情绪都可能是消极的，愤怒只会让事态变得更糟糕，因为它通常也会影响其他人，而不仅仅是影响我们。
但请记住，你的愤怒也是你重要的一部分，你只需要避免误用它就行。如果你想撕裂路面，那么没有什么工具比手提钻更合适了，但我不会通过钉钉子的方式做这件事。
The best hobby.
Since I started meditation, I got a lot of help. I used to get angry often when situations around me didn't go according to my style. When I knew nothing about my mind, I just lived like that. And I just believed that it would get better over time after I got angry and upset.
However, when I reflected on my mind through meditation, I found the moments of conflicts and fights taken as pictures remain in my mind. And even after more than ten years passed, the anger was still in my mind. I remember I sighed a lot because the resentment I had within me continued to come up while emptying my mind.
Many years have passed since I started meditating. These days, when I sit down to meditate to throw away the negative minds while reflecting on my mind, Surprisingly I can hardly find anger to throw away. The effects of meditation are truly amazing.
Now, in the peaceful stillness, I feel the calm joy in my daily. When I breathe quietly while enjoying the joy of being alive, I can taste the tranquility and peace that you may only feel in the deep mountains. Certainly, this is one of the happiest feelings.
When I wake up every morning, I can hear the truly wondrous sounds of birds singing. It is a blessing to greet the morning while listening to these beautiful birds singing around the house. As soon as I wake up, I close my eyes and meditate for a while with a thankful mind. I can truly appreciate being able to open my eyes and breathe every day like this. I'm so happy to live this kind of blissful life.
最好的爱好。
自从我开始冥想以来，我得到了很多帮助。当我周围的情况不符合我的风格时，我常常会生气。当我对自己的思想一无所知时，我就那样生活。我只是相信，在我生气和沮丧之后，事情会慢慢好转的。
然而，当我通过冥想反思我的思想时，我发现冲突和打架的时刻仍然留在我的脑海中。即使十多年过去了，我心中仍然充满了愤怒。我记得我叹了很多气，因为我内心的怨恨在清空我的思想的同时不断涌现。
我开始冥想已经很多年了。这些天来，当我坐下来冥想，抛开消极的思想，同时反思自己的思想时，令人惊讶的是，我几乎找不到可以抛开的愤怒。冥想的效果真的很神奇。
现在，在宁静中，我感受到了日常生活中平静的快乐。当我静静地呼吸，享受着活着的快乐时，我可以感受到本只有在深山中才能感受到的宁静与安宁。当然，这是最幸福的感觉之一。
当我每天早上醒来时，我能听到真正奇妙的鸟叫声。听到这些美丽的鸟儿在房子周围歌唱，迎接早晨的到来是一种祝福。我一醒来，就闭上眼睛，怀着感恩的心情冥想一会儿。我真的很感激能每天这样睁开眼睛呼吸。我很高兴能过这样幸福的生活。