哪些诡异的事情你觉得只有你一个人会做？
What's a weird thing you think only you do?
译文简介
实际上都有很多人陪着你一起做。
正文翻译
What's a weird thing you think only you do?
哪些诡异的事情你觉得只有你一个人会做？
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
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Whenever I think about a cringe time I had in my life I start singing or humming to « cover it up ».
每次我想起一件人生中让我感觉尴尬的事情的时候，我都开始唱歌或者哼歌来“掩盖一下”。
I always say "ughhhhh... anyway" in exactly the same way. And always out loud
我总是会用完全相同的语调说“呃……随便吧”。而且每次都是大声说。
I always say "Oh, come ON!" out loud, like I'm complaining to my brain for being an asshole and reminding me my cringy moments.
我每次都会大声说“哎，得了吧！”就好像我在抱怨我的脑子是个大混蛋，让我想起我那些尴尬的瞬间一样。
When I need to make a decision I consult an imaginary person in my head who is a combination of everyone I know and they give me advice that I'm really giving myself.
当我需要做决定的时候，我就会询问脑子里的一个幻想人格，这个人是我认识的所有人的集合，然后他就会给我一份建议，实际上就是我给自己的建议。
Ah yes, The Counsel. I do the same but with like, 2 or 3 people representing parts of my personality. There's not always a consensus and we end up arguing for hours.
哦，太对了。我的顾问。我也会做同样的一件事，但是我是类似于两三个代表我的人格的不同部分的分身。而且不一定每次都有共识，我们可能会吵好几个小时。
when a car drives past me i try to remember the number on that plate, there's no reason for that, it just automatically happens
当一辆车从我身边经过的时候，我会试着记住车牌号。没什么特别的原因，只是自然而然地就记住了。
I like to do this and imagine it's somehow really important like I find out later in the day the car is wanted as part of a criminal plot
我也喜欢这么干，我还喜欢想象这个车牌号特别重要，就比如说后来我发现这辆车卷入了一件刑事案件被通缉了之类的。
When I mow the yard I pretend I’m on espn and two sports announcers in my head are commenting on how excellent I took that turn, and the precision movements of my mowing.
在我给草坪除草的时候，我会假装自己在被ESPN直播，两个体育解说员在我的脑袋里开始评论我的这个弯过得多出色，以及我除草除得有多精准。
Save all my emails as drafts and then release them in one giant wave!
我会把所有的电子邮件都存成草稿，然后一大波发送！
When I'm angry at someone I'll write up an email to them expressing how I feel and save it as a draft. It makes me feel like I've done something but not actually instigated an argument that will give me anxiety.
在我生某个人的气的时候，我会给他写一封电子邮件，告诉他我的感受是怎样的，然后把它保存为草稿。这会让我感觉我确实做了事情，但是又没有触发一场争论，不然我就要开始焦虑了。
that will give me anxiety.
引用：“不然我就要开始焦虑了。”
如果我不小心点了发送的话，那我可真的要焦虑死了！
Twist my wrist a few times as I reach to open a door. Gotta make sure the wrist works before I get there.
开门之前先扭一扭我的手腕。得确认一下我的手腕还能用。
Like clicking the bbq tongs twice before grilling.
就好像在烤肉之前咔哒两下肉夹子一样。
if I'm home alone, I will host a cooking show for no-one while I cook or bake.
如果我自己一个人在家的话，我做饭或者烘焙的时候会主持一场没有观众的烹饪节目。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I count (in my head) the number of stairs I'm going up. Don't know why. Don't count them going down... only going up.
我会在自己的脑袋里数上楼时的台阶。不知道为什么。下楼的时候也不会数……只有上楼的时候数。
I do this too.... up or down, I HAVE to count the stairs. Sometimes I'll count my steps while walking from one side of the house to the other. If I'm chopping vegetables I have to count how many slices I make. It feels like I'm always counting something....
我也会这么做……上下楼都会。我必须得数台阶。有的时候我会在从房子一边走到另一边的时候数自己走了多少步。如果我在切菜的话，那么我必须得数自己切了多少片。就好像我永远在数什么东西一样……
I’m also a counter!! I don’t realize I’m even doing it and then I’m at like 20 and I think “oh, there I go counting again!”
我也喜欢计数！我甚至意识不到自己在计数，等到数到大概20的时候，我就会想“嗨呀，我又开始数数了！”
I have a weird stress reliever where I take a piece of silk fabric and rub it between my fingers. I went through a lot of shit as a kid and at the daycare there was a random piece of cloth. I don’t know why, but I attached to that thing and it’s almost like an addiction at some points. I’ve usually always had a piece of silk somewhere. I know it’s weird, but for whatever reason, it helps a lot so it’s kind of been my little secret for years now.
我有种诡异的释放压力的方式，就是拿一片丝绸在我的手指之间摩擦。我小时候经历过很多烂事，在托儿所有那么一块布。我不知道为什么，我就特别喜欢那块布，有时候几乎对它上瘾了。我一直都会在某个地方存放一块丝绸。我知道这很奇怪，但是不论如何，这确实给我带来了很大的帮助，所以几年以来这算是我的小秘密了。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
When I go get the mail if I hear a car coming I run in the house real quick so they don't see me and then look through the blinds like I got away with something.
在我拿邮件的时候，如果我听见有车过来，我就会马上跑进房子里，这样他们就看不见我了。然后我就会从暗处偷偷往外看，就好像我偷到了什么东西似的。
You're a cat aren't you
你是只猫吧？
I did this as a kid. I would sometimes go outside and sneak around the village spying on people's hens with binoculars (no, I'm not sexually attracted to farm animals) and tried to not get spotted by anyone. If I was on my bike on the road and heard a car I would jump into the ditch beside the road and lie down there
我小时候也愿意这么玩。有时候我会去户外在村子里到处偷偷摸摸地用望远镜看别人家的鸡窝（不，我对家畜没有性幻想），并且试着不被任何人发现。如果我在路上骑着单车，忽然听见有车过来，我就会立刻跳到路旁边的沟里卧倒。
I used to think that I was the only person who stood like a flamingo but reddit showed me there is a whole subspecies of us.
我一直以为我是世界上唯一一个喜欢像火烈鸟那样站着的，但是reddit告诉我这个世界上我这个亚种还有很多。
I used to stand around the house like a flamingo.
我以前也喜欢在房子里像火烈鸟那样站着。
我老婆告诉我说别那么站着了。
我只好把脚放下了。
Wait what, so like you're standing with your knee to your stomach to something?
等下，所以你是抱着一个膝盖那么站着吗？
No you stand on one leg with the other leg bent and turned out 90 degrees and the lifted leg's foot is on your opposing knee
不，是单腿站着，另一条腿弯曲侧转90度，脚贴在站着的腿的膝盖上
That’s essentially tree pose, although all of my yoga teachers have advised the foot should go either above or below the knee to avoid injury, not directly against it.
这基本上就是树式站姿，虽然我的所有瑜伽老师都跟我说脚要么放在膝盖上面，要么放在膝盖下面，而不要贴在膝盖上，避免受伤。
I have to let my wife go up the stairs 1st when its bed time because she has an irrational fear of being shot through the letterbox.
睡觉的时候我得让我老婆先上楼梯，因为她总是害怕自己会被从邮槽射进来的子弹打中。
给美国人编辑一下，邮槽就是门上那个给邮递员把信塞进来的地方。
这确实是不理性的恐惧，所以一点也没有意义。也不至于把她吓得什么也做不了。如果我不在家，她就直接跑上楼梯了。
I let my wife go up the stairs first at bed-time because I like her ass :)
睡觉的时候我每次都让老婆先上楼梯，因为我喜欢她的屁股:)
It took me an unreasonably long amount of time to put together that's why my husband so often arranges things so I'm going first.
我花了长得离谱的时间才意识到为什么我丈夫总是在后面收拾东西，好让我先上楼。
We both like each other's butts and make no secret of it.
我们都喜欢彼此的屁股，而且也不瞒着。
有时候会换成她跟在我屁股后面。
That's seems like a great and fun little household .
你们两口子还真挺有意思。
Haven't done this in years but I used to look at myself in the mirror until everything stopped feeling real. Like I'd contemplate that the person looking back was a different person. Kind of felt out of body it's honestly hard to explain.
我已经好几年都没做过这种事了，但以前我会盯着镜子里的自己看，直到失去真实感。我会觉得那个望向我的人是另一个人。就好像离开了我的身体一样，说真的有点难以解释。
我只能打个比方，就好像你把同样的一句话说一遍又一遍，直到你自己都听不懂了。
I actually do something similar to this with but with other people. Sometimes we're all in a group and everyone's having a conversation and I'm just watching them talk thinking: Who are you? Do I know you?
我其实也会做类似的事，但是我是对其他人。有时候我们一起出门，所有人都在聊天的时候，我就会看着他们聊着，然后心想：“你是谁？我认识你吗？”
然后开始对那些我可能已经认识了快十年的人产生一种他们其实是陌生人的感觉。
然后我赶紧切换出来。
I used to do that when I was a kid, it almost felt like I was a passenger in my own body, very weird disassociation from what I would consider my sense of self.
我小时候也会这么做，就好像我是自己身体中的一个过客一样，与我所认为的自我感知产生了非常诡异的失谐。
I am almost certain that I am the only person who, after going on my daily 5k run, cools down by walking the whole path through the IKEA showroom and marketplace. I only started this a couple months ago when we moved to a new house about ten minutes walk away from an IKEA. I find it very calming and stimulating, though.
我非常确定，我是唯一一个在跑完日常的五公里之后，一路走过宜家的展厅和商场来让自己凉快下来的。我几个月之前才开始这么做，因为我们搬到了一个新房子，距离宜家只有十分钟的路程。我发现这非常让人冷静，并且能给我激励。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Somewhere else on Reddit: “You think that’s weird…my store has a person who comes in literally every single day, goes through the whole store, and never buys a single thing.”
与此同时，reddit上的某处：“你可能会觉得这很怪……我工作的那家店，有个人真的是每天都会来，大摇大摆走过整个商场，但是什么东西都不买。”
"They're always really sweaty and breathing heavy too. What a creep."
“他还浑身是汗，气喘吁吁的。真可怕。”
I squeeze my soda can ever so slightly so that I know that it's mine. Growing up poor with a lot of siblings tends to make you a bit competitive.
我会轻轻把汽水易拉罐挤扁一点，方便确认这是我自己的。跟着一群兄弟姐妹在贫穷的家里长大，你会变得喜欢竞争的。
Me and my siblings used to look at our tabs to tell who's drink was who's. I took mine off, my sister turned it to the right, and my brother turned it to the left
我和我兄弟姐妹经常用看拉环的方式区分谁的是谁的。我把我的拉环掰下来，我姐姐把拉环扭到右边，我哥哥扭到左边。
Whenever I see a pigeon, I always say "ah bonjour Monsieur Pigeon!" Absolutely no idea why I do this, particularly as I have zero connections to France.
每次我见到鸽子的时候，我总是要说一句“Ah bonjour Monsieur Pigeon!”（啊，你好啊鸽子先生！）我完全不知道自己为什么这么做，尤其是因为我跟法国一点关系也没有。
You might have been alone in this before, but no longer!
可能以前只有你一个人会这么做，但现在不是了！
If I walk anywhere near someone that coughs or sneezes, I will quietly close my mouth and breathe out my nose until no oxygen remains and hold my breath, in what I can only describe as me trying to seal myself off from germs.
如果我附近有人咳嗽或者打喷嚏，我就会悄悄闭上嘴巴。用鼻子呼气直到不剩一点氧气，然后屏住呼吸。我觉得自己可能是在试着让病原体离我远点。
I try and make sense of license plate letters like acronyms.
我会试着把车牌号上的字母理解成缩写。
I pick up random obxts and answer them like a phone. The caller (usually a police) always wants talk to my cat and I argue that my feline friend does not speak common tongue and it often escalates in heated but brief exchange. No matter how firmly I state my point they always keep calling...
我会随手拿起身边的东西当成电话一样去接。打电话过来的人（通常是个警察）总是想要和我的猫聊两句，我会跟他说我的这位猫科朋友是不讲通用语的，于是我们通常会互相骂两句。不管我怎么重复自己的意见，他们总是打电话过来……
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Ok, this is the most unique one I’ve read thus far!
哦，这是我读到现在感觉最独特的一个！
Since a very young age, I have had a nervous tic where I would chew my tongue. I thought I was the only weirdo who did this until I was reading a book, and the author describes the protagonist as chewing their tongue.
从很小的时候开始，我每次紧张的时候就都会咬住舌头。我以为我是唯一一个这么做的怪胎，直到我读一本书，作者描述的主人公也在咬着舌头。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Use my turn signal to change lanes on the highway.
高速公路上变道的时候打转向灯。
编辑：哇，这么多赞。谢谢你们的颁奖，善意的陌生人们。回复评论：没错，这“基本上”是讽刺。
If I go in a store to buy things, and I leave and forget to get something I needed. I won't turn back around and go back into that store. I will drive to a different store to get.
如果我去商店买东西，离开之后想起来自己忘了买需要的东西，我不会回去再去同一家超市。我会开车去另外一家超市买。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Sleeps holding my hand between the thighs..
睡觉的时候把手夹在大腿中间……
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I put mine beside my hips, but inside my underwear to hold it there.
我是放到屁股后面，而且塞到内裤里让手稳住不动。
This thing I called the perfect bite. I eat around the best part of a meal and end it with the best.
我管这个叫最完美的一口。我先把周围吃完，然后最后一口吃最好吃的地方。
Make weird noise when I think I'm alone. Like clicking, and mooing.
一个人独处的时候会出怪动静。比如响舌，还有哞哞叫。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
When comfy and falling asleep in bed, I rub my feet and/or legs together or just against the blanket. I just feel immense comfort in the movement and motion and it’s a sign for me I’m suuuuuper comfy and content.
在我感觉舒服，躺在床上快要睡着的时候，我会把两只脚放在一起蹭，或者在毯子上揉来揉去。我会在这种运动中感到特别舒适，这对我来说是一种感到非常舒适并满足的信号。
My ex did this. She’d rub her feet together when she’d get really comfy. I thought it was super cute lol
我前任就会这么做。她感觉特别舒服的时候就会把两只脚放在一起蹭。我觉得特别可爱哈哈哈
My baby does this. I think it’s so cute. Please keep falling asleep this way it’s so adorable.
我的小宝宝也会这么做。我觉得特别可爱。请继续这么睡觉吧，太可爱了。
If I have a plate with multiple things on it, I have to eat one specific thing at a time in order of worst to best. For example, if I had a plate with collard greens, corn, and mashed potatoes; I’d eat the greens, then corn, then mashed potatoes.
如果我吃饭的盘子上面盛着不同的食物，我会准确按照从最难吃到最好吃的顺序一样一样吃完。举个例子，如果我的盘子里有羽衣甘蓝，玉米和土豆泥，我就先吃甘蓝，再吃玉米，最后吃土豆泥。
I do this too but even go to the extreme of picking least to best on bites too. If I eat a sandwich I go for the least appealing bite first to what I’ve deemed the best bite (usually the cheesiest)
我也会这么做，甚至我会极端到把最好吃的一口留到最后。如果我在吃三明治的话，我就会从最难吃的一口开始咬，把最好吃的一口留在最后（通常就是奶酪最多的一口）。
I always eat around the edges where the filling coverage isn’t even, and end at the center.
我总是先把那些夹的馅料不均匀的边先吃掉，然后最后吃中间。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
When I have intense shits I feel the need to get fully naked.
当我要拉一大泡屎的时候，我觉得必须得脱个一丝不挂。
Your body is violently expelling something. Can’t be constrained by clothes in those moments
你的身体正在疯狂地向外排泄。在这种时刻不能用布料来限制它。
Yep. I strip to poop almost every time. The sweating and nausea make it so that clothes are too much.
没错。我几乎每次都在拉屎之前脱光衣服。出汗和恶心让我觉得衣服的负担太重了。
Sometimes when I am alone I speak and act like I'm on a vlog that's going to be published to youtube.
我独处的时候有时会像正在录一个要发到youtube上的vlog一样。
编辑：哇，很高兴知道我不是一个人。顺便如果我们被人监视了，那就享受这场演出吧。
I have a pattern made up of Rights and Lefts. The Rights and Lefts can be expressed by actions like tapping with my right or left hand, just wiggling my toes, or anything else. It starts with Right. Then I take what I've done, mirror it, and do that. So now in total I've done Right Left. Then I repeat the mirroring until it's too much to keep track of or I feel like I've done enough. It also has to be an even number of mirrorings so that it ends on Right again since that makes it symmetrical.
我有左和右的规律。这些左和右可以是用左手或者右手轻拍，可以是扭脚趾，也可以是别的。先是右边一下。然后我用左边的重复一次。所以加起来就是右边一次，左边一次。然后我再继续镜像重复一次，直到我数不清自己的次数，或者感觉自己玩够了。而且镜像的次数也必须是偶数，这样最后一下也肯定在右边，就对称了。
通常都是右左左右左右右左左右右左右左左右。
我从小学就开始有这个习惯，一开始我感觉这像是那种“给我带来好运”的东西。我觉得这可能与那些有强迫症的人所体验的强迫行为类似，但是我一直可以无视自己做这种事情的欲望，所以我肯定算不上有强迫症。我也有其他类似的有点像强迫行为的东西，但是都很容易就被我忽略。
Whenever I get ready for bed or take a shower and I go to take my pants off I have to kick them up with my foot and catch them in midair before they go in the laundry. Underwear as well.
每次我准备上床睡觉或者去洗澡，脱裤子的时候，我都会把裤子用脚提起来然后在半空中用手抓住，然后拿去洗。内裤也是。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
我是个成年人
I constantly have music running in the background in my head. Right now for some reason it’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit”.
我的脑袋里总是有背景音乐在响。现在播放的是“Smells Like Teen Spirit”。(等——等等！切克切克噔噔！)
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Me, too - 24-7 playlist. My brain remembers every song and commercial jingle it’s ever heard. Craziness.
我也是——24小时不停止的播放列表。我的脑子能记住它听过的每一首歌和广告BGM。真是疯了。