QA问答：什么导致低自尊？
What causes low self-esteem?
译文简介
我们可以责怪每个人，包括我们的父母，但事实是，自尊问题是关于……自我。我们对自己的自尊负责，自尊就是我们对自己的重视程度。
正文翻译
What causes low self-esteem?
什么导致低自尊？
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Imagine you are driving down a road on your way to enjoy a day at the beach.
All of a sudden a tree falls across the road and halts your journey.
What’s the burning question on your mind?
Is it:
“I wonder how this exact tree fell in exactly this direction at this exact time?”
Or is it:
“What do we do now? How do we get to the beach?”
When you feel depressed, anxious, unworthy or scared, it’s incredibly tempting to try and figure out why you feel the way you do.
想象一下，你正沿着一条路开车去海滩享受一天。
突然，一棵树从马路边倒了下来，使你的旅程中断了。
你心中最迫切的问题是什么？
它是：
“我真的很想知道，这棵树为什么会在这个时间倒在这个方向？”
或者是：
“我们现在怎么办？我们还怎么去海滩？”
当你感到沮丧、焦虑、不值得或害怕时，试图找出自己为什么会有这样的感觉是非常诱人的。
It is a trap of the mind.
The more you try to figure out why you are suffering, the more you invite painful thoughts that cause suffering into your mind.
It’s like trying to mend a hand that you burned in the oven by sticking it back into the oven again.
It simply doesn’t make sense.
I know I said it already, but it bears repeating:
You don’t need to figure it out.
但不要这样做。不要试图分析或弄明白它。
这是心灵的陷阱。
你越是想弄清楚为什么你在受苦，你就越会让痛苦的想法进入你的脑海。
这就像是把一只在烤箱里烧坏的手重新放进烤箱来修补。
这根本没有意义。
我知道我已经说过了，但值得重复：
你不需要知道原因。
You feel and think one way now, but you’ll feel and think differently in a moment’s time.
It doesn’t matter if it’s low self-esteem, a lack of confidence, or a fear of failure - they’re all just guests visiting you.
They’re all just thoughts that come and go.
The more you try to analyze, fix or cope with them, the more you empower those very thoughts and feelings.
All you’re doing is making those shitty thoughts linger around.
Do it enough and they become chronic states of low mind.
所有的想法、感觉、感知和经历都是短暂的。
你现在有一种感觉和思考方式，但过一会儿你会有不同的感觉和思考方式。
不管是自卑、缺乏自信还是害怕失败，他们都只是来拜访你的客人。
它们都只是来来往往的想法。
你越是试图分析、修复或处理它们，你就越能赋予这些想法和感受更多的力量。
你所做的一切就是让那些恶心的想法萦绕不去。
如果想得太多，他们就会变成慢性的低落心态。
Instead, wait for a positive feeling.
It will guide you to your wisdom.
Let your painful, uncomfortable feelings be.
Simply slow down and let your wisdom shine through to the surface once again.
That’s where all your answers are found:
In a calm, clear mind.
把精力花在分析、修复或应对，肯定会发生改变的事情上是毫无意义的。
相反，等待积极的感觉。
它将引导你走向智慧。
让你的痛苦，不舒服的感觉顺其自然。
只要放慢速度，让你的智慧再次闪耀到表面。
这就是你所有答案的所在：
头脑冷静、清醒。
Your thinking …..
You believe in your fate than in yourself
You compare with others
You think life is unfair only for you
You don't have self- confidence
You think about what people think of you than about yourself
You always think negatively (pessimistic)
You don't have vision in your life because you think life will not change it remains the same
你的想法……
1、比起你自己，你更相信命运
2、你要和别人比较
3、你认为生活只对你不公平
4、你没有自信
5、你想的是人们对你的看法，而不是你自己的想法
6、你总是消极（悲观）
7、你的生活中没有愿景，因为你认为生活不会改变，它保持不变
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Your afraid of taking responsibilities
You always think of result than the efforts ( if i fail my efforts will go in vain)
You don't use opportunities to prove your self beacuse your afraid of taking bad decisions
You think that you can do nothing in your life because you did nothing in your life
You think that some people are born intelligent, we can't compete with them
You don't talk to people because you fear that they are more intelligent than you
You always worry about one or the other thing
8、你不爱自己，因为你认为没有人爱你
9、你害怕承担责任
10、你总是想着结果而不是努力（如果我失败了，我的努力就会白费）
11、你不会利用机会证明自己，因为你害怕做出错误的决定
12、你认为你在生活中什么都做不了，因为你在生活中什么都没做
13、你认为有些人天生聪明，我们无法与他们竞争
14、你不跟人说话，因为你害怕他们比你聪明
15、你总是担心这样或那样的事情
Your are oversensitive, you don't accept criticism
You always have excuses, you blame others
You don't take risk beacuse you don't want to come out of your comfort zone
You think someone should change your life but you don't want to be that someone
Stop negative thinking !
“What you think , you become”
Start positive thinking ..
16、每一分钟你都在怀疑自己（如果这个计划失败了怎么办）
17、你太敏感了，不接受批评
18、你总是有借口，你总是责怪别人
19、你不会冒险，因为你不想走出舒适区
20、你认为有人应该改变你的生活，但你不想成为那个人
停止消极思考！
“你是怎么想的，事情就会变成你想的样子。”
开始积极思考……
Look at the mirror , it's your competition….nobody else
Fate changes for the people, who work hard
You grow by taking responsibilities
You learn from failures
Efforts never go in vain
Hardwork beats talent
Good decisions come from experiences and experience come from bad decisions
Accept criticism , don't blame others for your mistake
Always wear smile on your face
1、如果你无法相信自己，别人也不会相信你
2、看看镜子，这是你的竞争对手……没有其他人
3、命运为努力工作的人而改变
4、你通过承担责任而成长
5、你从失败中学习
6、努力永远不会白费
7、勤奋胜过天才
8、好的决定来自经验，经验来自坏的决定
9、接受批评，不要为自己的错误责备别人
10、永远微笑
Believe yourself …
Move yourself …
Your a worrior!! stop defending & start fighting with your life …
爱自己……
相信自己……
改变自己……
你是个战士！！停止防守，开始与你的生命抗争……
I wake up early in the morning.
I meditate and go for a run.
I come back and study whole day.
I feel confident and contended.
I wake up late in the morning.
I feel tired and sleep again.
I woke up again and use Facebook.
I get bored and watch a movie.
I write a meaningless answer on Quora.
I get frustrated. I watch porn.
I feel bad about myself.
Everybody has some targets in life.
If you are not acting in a way which will help you achieve those targets, your self-esteem is bound to hurt.
我早上起得很早。
我冥想，然后去跑步。
我回来学习了一整天。
我觉得很自信，很有竞争力。
我早上醒来很晚。
我觉得累了，又睡着了。
我再次醒来并使用Facebook。
我厌倦了看电影。
我在Quora上写了一个毫无意义的答案。
我感到沮丧。我看色情片。
我为自己感到难过。
每个人在生活中都有一些目标。
如果你的行为方式不能帮助你实现这些目标，你的自尊肯定会受到伤害。
Your family background and upbringing can cause low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem is more common in judgmental or abusive families.
Children whose parents constantly criticized them grow up believing they're inadequate or flawed, unworthy of love and respect.
They lack confidence in their self-worth and lack courage in their lives.
Abuse or bullying.
This point is related to the first one, except that in this case, you get bad treatment from people who are not necessarily in your family.
It can be from older kids in your neighborhood or classmates.
No one deserves to be disrespected or undervalued. Bullying and abuse are common and have lasting effects.
你的家庭背景和教养会导致低自尊。
低自尊在挑剔或虐待家庭中更常见。
父母经常批评他们的孩子，导致孩子长大后认为他们不合格或有缺陷，不值得被爱和被尊重。
他们对自己的自我价值缺乏信心，在生活中缺乏勇气。
虐待或欺凌。
这一点与第一点有关，除了在家里，你在外面也可能收到除家人之外的人的欺凌。
它可以来自你邻居家的大孩子或同学。
没有人应该被不尊重或低估。欺凌和虐待是常见的，并且会产生持久的影响。
Verbal or emotional abuse can lower self-esteem.
These experiences can cause self-doubt.
Disability or illness.
Chronic illness or disability can lower self-esteem.
Long-term health conditions can make you feel out of control.
Your self-confidence may suffer if you can't do the things you once enjoyed.
Chronic illness can be isolating.
You're not alone.
Chronic illness and low self-esteem can be helped in many ways.
Conflicts in your relationship.
不断的贬低和指责不胜任，会导致自卑。
言语或情感虐待会降低自尊。
这些经历会引起自我怀疑。
残疾或疾病：
慢性疾病或残疾会降低自尊。
长期的健康状况不佳，会让你感到失控。
如果你不能做你曾经喜欢的事情，你的自信心可能会受损。
慢性病可能导致与世界隔离。
你并不孤单。
慢性病和自卑可以在许多方面得到帮助。
它与你的人际关系并不冲突。
They affect self-esteem.
When you're disrespected, rejected, or misunderstood, it's natural to doubt your worth.
Seek help. Relationship problems lower self-esteem.
Cyberbullying.
Social media is ubiquitous.
Connect with family and friends, share photos, and express yourself.
Social media hurts self-esteem.
Many people are kind and gentle in everyday life but wait until they get behind their keyboards.
Behind the computer, people will talk bad about your weight, sexual orientation, or the company you keep, and some of these attacks can be ferocious.
People have lost their lives due to cyberbullying, so try to talk to someone you trust as soon as you start seeing nasty comments about yourself on social media.
Another thing you can do is to report to the authorities.
麻烦的人际关系会影响自尊。艰难的婚姻、紧张的工作场所或不幸的友谊。
它们影响自尊。
当你受到不尊重、拒绝或误解时，你自然会怀疑自己的价值。
要寻求帮助。人际关系问题会降低自尊。
网络欺凌。
社交媒体无处不在。
与家人和朋友联系，分享照片，表达自己。
社交媒体伤害了自尊。
许多人在日常生活中都很善良和温柔，但一旦他们回到键盘后面……
在电脑背后，人们会对你的体重、性取向或你的同伴说坏话，其中一些攻击可能是凶猛的。
有人因网络欺凌而丧生，所以一旦你在社交媒体上看到关于自己的恶意评论，就试着和你信任的人谈谈。
你可以做的另一件事是报警。
Various factors cause this.
Debt, inability to afford basics, or money worries.
Financial struggle can affect mental and emotional health.
When people cannot afford most basic stuff, they may feel unworthy, embarrassed, and stressed.
Financial issues can harm relationships. Money disputes can make people withdrawn and resentful.
This damages relationships and self-esteem.
借款。
各种因素导致了这种情况。
债务、负担不起基本生活费用或对金钱的担忧。
经济困难会影响心理和情绪健康。
当人们买不起最基本的东西时，他们可能会感到不值得、尴尬和压力。
财务问题会损害人际关系。金钱纠纷会让人退缩和怨恨。
这会损害人际关系和自尊。
Society is obsessed with looks.
We're bombarded with images of "perfect" bodies from a young age, .
This can lead to low self-esteem and a negative body image.
If we don't look like magazine models, we're inadequate, right? Wrong.
These images are Photoshopped and unrealistic.
Everyone's genes, body types, and preferences are different.
Accepting your unique form boosts self-esteem.
Healthy eating and exercise boost physical and mental health.
Negative body image shouldn't bring you down. You're already beautiful.
对身体感到羞辱。
社会对外表着迷。
我们从小就被“完美”身体的图像轰炸。
这可能会导致自卑和负面的身体形象。
如果我们看起来不像杂志模特，我们就不够资格，对吗？错误。
这些图像是经过Photoshop处理的，不切实际。
每个人的基因、体型和偏好都不同。
接受自己独特的外形可以提升自尊。
健康的饮食和锻炼可以促进身心健康。
负面的身体形象不应该让你失望。你已经很漂亮了。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
We can blame everyone including our parents, but the truth is that self-esteem issues are about... the self. We are responsible for our self-esteem, which is how much we value of ourselves.
Low self-esteem is caused by a lack of:
* Self-acceptance. Nobody's perfect. We are who we are. We can always be better but the version we are today is the best version possible according to our experiences and our knowledge. When you understand this, intellectually and emotionally, you already made a great step and become a better friend to yourself.
我们可以责怪每个人，包括我们的父母，但事实是，自尊问题是关于……自我。我们对自己的自尊负责，自尊就是我们对自己的重视程度。
缺乏以下因素会导致低自尊：
1、自我接纳。没有人是完美的。我们就是我们自己。我们总是可以做得更好，但根据我们的经验和知识，我们今天的版本就是最好的版本。当你在智力和情感上理解了这一点，你已经迈出了伟大的一步，成为了自己更好的朋友。
* Personal integrity. Have strong values, and live your life according to them. It will be a compass to guide your decisions. Once you learn how to have your own values and building your life around them while accepting that other people can do the same, you'll validate yourself instead of seeking for the validation of others. You'll start not caring about what others think and will start caring about what YOU think of yourself. You'll do your own life the way you want it, there's no possibility of going wrong this way. This is living authentically.
2、自信。你必须在这个世界上表达自己。你必须知道你想要什么，你的需求是什么，并表达出来。如果你不让世界知道，你将有0%的机会得到它们。如果你保持被动和跟随，你只会帮助别人满足他们的需求，而你会忽视自己的需求。你必须表达你自己，你的真理，你必须成为这个世界的一部分。
3、个人人格。有强烈的价值观，并按照这些价值观生活。它将成为指导你决策的指南针。一旦你学会了如何拥有自己的价值观，并围绕这些价值观构建自己的生活，同时接受其他人也可以这样做，你将验证自己，而不是寻求他人的验证。你会开始不在乎别人怎么想，也会开始在乎你对自己的看法。你会按照你想要的方式生活，这样做是不可能出错的。这就是真实的生活。
* Living consciously. What do you want, what do you need, who do you want to become, where do you see yourself in 1, 5, 10 years, who do you admire, where do you want to live, what would be your perfect life, why do you eat that, etc... If you don't ask yourself you don't know. If you don't know you'll never go there, and you'll just keep being pushed around in life, and it will feel like you have no power and control over your own life.
* Living purposefully. What makes you move, what do you want to do, what excites you, what do you dream of, why do you what you do. Find a purpose in your life, and a lot of petty things will not matter anymore.
4、自我负责。当你的生活中有些事情没有按你想要或喜欢的方式发展，而你可以控制它时，你有责任去改变它。当你无法控制它时，你有责任接受它。我们不能在责怪我们的家庭、邻居、社会、体制等等的同时，变得强大。一旦我们把别人作为我们痛苦的理由，我们也会失去我们的力量和价值。
5、有意识地生活。你想要什么，你需要什么，你想成为谁，在1年、5年、10年后你认为自己在哪里，你崇拜谁，你想住在哪里，你的完美生活会是什么，你为什么要吃这些，等等……如果你不问问自己，你就不知道。如果你不知道你永远不会去那里，你只会在生活中不断被推搡，这会让你觉得你没有权力和能力控制自己的生活。
6、有目的地生活。什么让你感动，你想做什么，什么让你兴奋，你梦想什么，你为什么要做这些事情。在你的生活中找到一个目标，很多琐碎的事情就不再重要了。
These principles are all about knowing yourself better, and expressing yourself better. These are things that are in your control. Get better at them and you'll be more authentic, more confident, more accepting (of yourself and others), and you'll be more able to bring your life and yourself to the place you want. You can't go wrong with that, you cannot NOT value yourself when you become a person you admire.
And as you can't eat once for your whole life, you can't apply these principles once and except them to last forever. It has to become a way of life. It has to be repeated until it becomes second nature.
7、行动。价值观、原则、想法，如果不通过行动来表达，所有这些都是毫无价值的。那就做点什么吧。
这些原则都是关于更好地了解自己，更好地表达自己。这些事情都在你的控制之下。在这些方面做得更好，你会变得更真实、更自信、更能接受（自己和他人），你也会更能够把你的生活和自己带到你想要的地方。你不会错的，当你成为一个你崇拜的人时，你不可能不重视自己。
你不能吃一顿饭就活一辈子，所以你也不能一次应用这些原则便足够了，让它们永远持续下去。它们必须变成你的生活方式。它必须重复，直到它成为你的第二天性。
Here are a few causes of low self-esteem:
Expectations
Lack of confidence
Ignoring your achievements
Comparing with others
Difficulty making your own choices
Feeling sad, dizzy, depressed
Relationship breakdown
Financial troubles
… and many other reasons can cause low self-esteem.
以下是导致低自尊的几个原因：
1、期望
2、缺乏信心
3、忽略你的成就
4、与他人相比
5、难以做出自己的选择
6、感到悲伤、头晕、沮丧
7、关系破裂
8、财务问题
……还有许多其他原因会导致低自尊。
Short answer: Yes! You can.
-How?
Short answer: Start asking questions to “yourself”.
-Which Questions you need to ASK?
What I’m doing in my life? I’m happy?
What is the cause for lack of confidence?
Why I’m comparing with others?
Why my relationship didn’t work out?
Why I’m facing financial troubles?
The time when you’ll find answers to these questions:
THE point you will make a way out of low self-esteem!
You’ll feel confident, you’ll have new goals, you’ll find meaning in your life.
Believe in yourself.
问：我们能摆脱它吗？
简单回答：是的！你可以。
问：怎么做？
简短回答：开始向“你自己”提问。
问：需要问哪些问题？
1、我这辈子要做什么？我高兴吗？
2、缺乏信心的原因是什么？
3、为什么我要和别人比较？
4、为什么我与别人的关系没有成功？
5、为什么我面临财务问题？
当你找到这些答案的时候，
你就能摆脱你的低自尊。
你会感到自信，你会有新的目标，你会发现生活的意义。
相信自己。
A few months earlier I had been kicked out of graduate school. I had failed all of my classes for four semesters in a row.
So they sent me a note: “Please leave. Come back when you are more mature.”
At the time I was obsessed with writing novels. I wrote a novel each of those semesters.
I was the king of bad novel writing. I’d look in the mirror and think, “A KING!”
They threw me out and I felt like killing myself.
几个月前，我被研究生院开除了。我已经连续四个学期没有通过所有的课程了。
于是他们给了我一张纸条：“请离开。等你成熟了再来。”
当时我痴迷于写小说。每个学期我都写一本小说。
我是拙劣小说之王。我会看着镜子想：“一个国王！”
他们把我赶了出去，我真想自杀。
Even though I wasn’t a good student, when I got kicked out I was sad. School was my master because it was the master of my parents and my society and all of my friends.
I have always been a slave to whatever woman I was dating.
I would outsource my self-esteem to her until I was left with nothing. It’s hard enough to have your own self-esteem, let alone have to deal with my struggling self-esteem.
I was a slave to society’s idea that you need millions to be a success.
For the past 30 years I’ve been thinking “money = success.”
One time a therapist asked me, “how can I help you?” And I said, “the only thing that can help me would be a check for a million dollars.”
我是学校的奴隶。
虽然我不是一个好学生，但当我被开除时，我很伤心。学校是我的主人，因为它是我的父母、我的社会和我所有朋友的主人。
我一直是我约会的女人的奴隶。
我会把我的自尊外包给她，直到我一无所有。要有自己的自尊已经够难的了，更不用说要处理我挣扎的自尊了。
我是社会观念的奴隶，社会观念认为成功需要数百万美元。
在过去的30年里，我一直在思考“金钱=成功”吗？
有一次，一位治疗师问我：“我能帮你什么？”我说：“唯一能帮我的是一张一百万美元的支票。”
And he was right. I’m embarrassed for many reasons to say he was right.
I’ve been a slave to having random people like me because I thought they had some sort of status.
Status ends when people die. And life is short.
But I still would act nice or try to impress people who I thought had higher status to me.
I was a slave to status.
I was a slave to customers.
A customer would call me and say, “We’re very disappointed in you.” And I would do whatever it took to keep that customer.
I was always a slave to them.
I was a slave to book publishers.
I’ve written 19 books. About half published by mainstream publishers and half self-published.
My self-published books have sold well over a million copies. But I was always excited when a publisher LIKED ME. CHOSE ME.
他笑着说：“我打赌这对你没有帮助。”
他是对的。我有很多尴尬的原因说他是对的。
我一直是像我这样随意的人的奴隶，因为我认为他们有某种地位。
人死后状态结束。生命是短暂的。
但我仍然会表现得很好，或者试图给那些我认为对我来说地位更高的人留下深刻印象。
我是地位的奴隶。
我是顾客的奴隶。
一位客户会打电话给我说：“我们对你很失望。”我会不惜一切代价留住那个客户。
我一直是他们的奴隶。
我是图书出版商的奴隶。
我写了19本书。大约一半由主流出版商出版，一半由自己出版。
我自己出版的书已经卖出了100多万册。但当出版商喜欢我时，我总是很兴奋。他们选择了我。
All of the time I try to catch myself when I become a slave.
A slave to a political opinion. A slave to a TV company that wants me. A slave to my daughters. A slave to investors. A slave to a set of religious or spiritual beliefs. A slave to a self-help guru. A slave to people I want to impress.
95% of my life I have been a slave to others. And they have been slaves to their masters. To their parent’s expectations. To society’s expectations. To status.
I was a slave to anonymous people on Twitter who every day hate me and trash me.
I was a slave to my belongings so I threw them all out.
The more I’m a slave, the lower my self esteem goes down.
And then I’ll die.
I hope when I die, I am slave to none. I am the master of me.
The more I want something, the more I am a slave to it. The key is to reduce expectations.
To look around and be happy with what you see. To feel your emotions and be happy with what’s there. To create the world around you and be happy with job well done.
This morning I took out the garbage. Lifted it over my head. Looked in the mirror, garbage held high. I am the KING!
我想要的是他们的看重，而不是他们的金钱或任何成功。
当我成为奴隶时，我一直在试图抓住自己。
政治观点的奴隶。电视频道的奴隶。我女儿的奴隶。投资者的奴隶。一系列宗教或精神信仰的奴隶。自助大师的奴隶。我想给人留下深刻印象的人的奴隶。
我一生中95%的时间都是别人的奴隶。他们也是他们主人的奴隶。达到父母的期望。符合社会的期望。达成什么状态。
我是推特上匿名者的奴隶，他们每天都恨我，骂我。
我是我物品的奴隶，所以我把它们都扔掉了。
我越是奴隶，我的自尊心就越低。
然后我就会死。
我希望我死去时，我不再是奴隶，我是我自己的主人！
我越想要什么，我就越是它的奴隶。关键是降低期望值。
环顾四周，对你所看到的感到高兴。去感受你的情绪，并对所发生的事情感到高兴。创造你周围的世界，并对出色的工作感到高兴。
今天早上我倒了垃圾。把它举过我的头。照镜子，高高举起垃圾。我是自己的国王！