网贴摘选：14+ 个会让你捧腹大笑洛杉矶警察局的笑话
14+ LAPD jokes that will make you laugh out loud
译文简介
一个家伙申请洛杉矶警察局的工作。
督察员说：“这是我见过的最棒的资格证书了，在你得到这份工作之前还要再进行一次测试......
正文翻译
A guy applies for a job with the L.A.P.D.
Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one more test before you get the job.
Take this gun, go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit."
Guy replies "Why the rabbit?"
Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"
一个家伙申请洛杉矶警察局的工作。
督察员说：“这是我见过的最棒的资格证书了，在你得到这份工作之前还要再进行一次测试，
拿着这把枪，出去射杀六个黑人和一只兔子。"
盖伊回答：“为啥要打兔子？”
督察员说：“态度很好，你得到了这份工作！”
A black guy applied for a job at the LAPD
He got shot down
一个黑人在洛杉矶警察局申请工作
他被放倒了
He got shot down
一个黑人在洛杉矶警察局申请工作
他被放倒了
what's the difference between a black man and a sponge?
One of them's already full of holes before the corps see them.
一个黑人和一块海绵有什么区别？
其中一个在警察看到之前就已经满是洞洞了。
One of them's already full of holes before the corps see them.
一个黑人和一块海绵有什么区别？
其中一个在警察看到之前就已经满是洞洞了。
How many LAPD officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They shoot the room for being black
更换灯泡需要多少洛杉矶警察？
一个也不用，因为房间一黑就要挨枪子了
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
None. They shoot the room for being black
更换灯泡需要多少洛杉矶警察？
一个也不用，因为房间一黑就要挨枪子了
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I got stopped by a woman cop with "LAPD" on her cap
I said, where's your colleague with "ANCE" on hers?
我被一个戴着“LAPD”帽子的女警拦住了
我说，你的同事身上带着“ANCE”在哪里？
（LAPDANCE：膝上舞，在美国，膝上舞是指在意乱情迷的脱衣舞夜总会中，性感舞女和客人面对面，坐在客人大腿上，跳的一种舞蹈。）
I said, where's your colleague with "ANCE" on hers?
我被一个戴着“LAPD”帽子的女警拦住了
我说，你的同事身上带着“ANCE”在哪里？
（LAPDANCE：膝上舞，在美国，膝上舞是指在意乱情迷的脱衣舞夜总会中，性感舞女和客人面对面，坐在客人大腿上，跳的一种舞蹈。）
LAPD Sent to Train Iraqi Police, Find Weapons of Mass Destruction
Within 2 months of being in Iraq to help train Iraqi Police recruits the LAPD sent the following message up to Army command:
It's over. We have weapons of mass destruction, need guidance on who we are supposed to find them on.
洛杉矶警察局被派去训练伊拉克警察，寻找大规模杀伤性武器
在伊拉克帮助训练新招募的伊拉克警察的两个月内，洛杉矶警察局向陆军司令部发送了以下信息：
完了，我们现在有大规模毁灭性武器，教一下我们应该是在谁身上找到的它们。
Within 2 months of being in Iraq to help train Iraqi Police recruits the LAPD sent the following message up to Army command:
It's over. We have weapons of mass destruction, need guidance on who we are supposed to find them on.
洛杉矶警察局被派去训练伊拉克警察，寻找大规模杀伤性武器
在伊拉克帮助训练新招募的伊拉克警察的两个月内，洛杉矶警察局向陆军司令部发送了以下信息：
完了，我们现在有大规模毁灭性武器，教一下我们应该是在谁身上找到的它们。
I found the rulebook for an old card game at my grandfather's house.
"Draw a card, if it's black, take a shot."
Oh wait, that's just the LAPD guidebook.
我在祖父家找到了一本旧纸牌游戏的规则手册。
“抽一张牌，如果是黑色的，射它！”
哦等等，那不是洛杉矶警察局的指南么
"Draw a card, if it's black, take a shot."
Oh wait, that's just the LAPD guidebook.
我在祖父家找到了一本旧纸牌游戏的规则手册。
“抽一张牌，如果是黑色的，射它！”
哦等等，那不是洛杉矶警察局的指南么
There was a burglary last night at the Los Angeles Police Department headquarters.
The thief or thieves stole all of the toilets.
When asked about the investigation, and LAPD spokesman said they have nothing to go on.
昨晚洛杉矶警察局总部发生一起入室盗窃案。
小偷偷走了所有的马桶。
当被问及有关调查的情况时，洛杉矶警察局发言人表示，他们没有东西可以做（坐）了。
The thief or thieves stole all of the toilets.
When asked about the investigation, and LAPD spokesman said they have nothing to go on.
昨晚洛杉矶警察局总部发生一起入室盗窃案。
小偷偷走了所有的马桶。
当被问及有关调查的情况时，洛杉矶警察局发言人表示，他们没有东西可以做（坐）了。
Did you hear that the LAPD is training the Australian Police Force?
I thought Australia already had enough black widows
你听说洛杉矶警察局正在训练澳大利亚警察吗？
我想澳大利亚的黑寡妇已经够多了（黑寡妇蜘蛛）
I thought Australia already had enough black widows
你听说洛杉矶警察局正在训练澳大利亚警察吗？
我想澳大利亚的黑寡妇已经够多了（黑寡妇蜘蛛）
Does the KKK still exist?
Yeah, they just changed their name to the LAPD...
3K党还存在吗？
是的，他们刚改名为洛杉矶警察局…
Yeah, they just changed their name to the LAPD...
3K党还存在吗？
是的，他们刚改名为洛杉矶警察局…
Why can't the show COPS film with the LAPD?
Because snuff isn't allowed on television.
为什么《警察秀》不能和洛杉矶警察局合作？
因为电视上不能播放抽鼻烟的镜头。
Because snuff isn't allowed on television.
为什么《警察秀》不能和洛杉矶警察局合作？
因为电视上不能播放抽鼻烟的镜头。
what if you kick me when I'm down.
You'd be a great LAPD officer.
如果我摔倒时你踢我怎么办？
你会是一个很棒的洛杉矶警官。
You'd be a great LAPD officer.
如果我摔倒时你踢我怎么办？
你会是一个很棒的洛杉矶警官。
How does the LAPD play poker?
Four clubs beat a King.
洛杉矶警察局是怎么打扑克的？
四个梅花打一个K （双关，四根棍子暴打一个老铁（KING是在年轻人中流行的敬称，主要源于黑人））
Four clubs beat a King.
洛杉矶警察局是怎么打扑克的？
四个梅花打一个K （双关，四根棍子暴打一个老铁（KING是在年轻人中流行的敬称，主要源于黑人））
A mummy was found in Egypt, and to determine its age and whatnot, three best forensic teams of the world decided to start a competition.
The CIA went first. They studied the mummy for a year, and then came up with a result: the person lived around 1000 years BC, plus or minus 200 years.
The FBI goes next. They study the mummy for a month, and conclude: it was a pharaoh who ruled 1000 years BC, give or take 100 years.
The LAPD team goes next. They hold the mummy for a week, and then come up with this: it was Pharaoh Ramenhotep the Second, born 1022 BC, became king after murdering his uncle, ruled for five years, on the third year of his reign the Nile flooded Luxor, on the fourth year the hittites attacked.
Everyone is perplexed: "How did you find all this out?"
"He confessed"
在埃及发现了一具木乃伊，为了确定木乃伊的年龄，世界上三支最好的法医队伍决定举办一场比赛。
中情局率先行动。他们对这具木乃伊进行了一年的研究，然后得出了一个结果：此人大约生活在公元前1000年左右，误差±200年。
接下来是FBI。他们研究了这具木乃伊一个月，得出结论：这是一位法老，是公元前1000年的统治者，误差上下100年左右。
接下来是洛杉矶警察局的团队。他们搞了一个星期，然后得出了这样的结论：法老拉门霍特二世出生于公元前1022年，在谋杀了他的叔叔后成为国王，统治了五年，在他统治的第三年，尼罗河洪水淹没了卢克索，第四年遭赫梯人攻击。
大家都很困惑：“你们是怎么发现这一切的？”
“他招了”
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
The CIA went first. They studied the mummy for a year, and then came up with a result: the person lived around 1000 years BC, plus or minus 200 years.
The FBI goes next. They study the mummy for a month, and conclude: it was a pharaoh who ruled 1000 years BC, give or take 100 years.
The LAPD team goes next. They hold the mummy for a week, and then come up with this: it was Pharaoh Ramenhotep the Second, born 1022 BC, became king after murdering his uncle, ruled for five years, on the third year of his reign the Nile flooded Luxor, on the fourth year the hittites attacked.
Everyone is perplexed: "How did you find all this out?"
"He confessed"
在埃及发现了一具木乃伊，为了确定木乃伊的年龄，世界上三支最好的法医队伍决定举办一场比赛。
中情局率先行动。他们对这具木乃伊进行了一年的研究，然后得出了一个结果：此人大约生活在公元前1000年左右，误差±200年。
接下来是FBI。他们研究了这具木乃伊一个月，得出结论：这是一位法老，是公元前1000年的统治者，误差上下100年左右。
接下来是洛杉矶警察局的团队。他们搞了一个星期，然后得出了这样的结论：法老拉门霍特二世出生于公元前1022年，在谋杀了他的叔叔后成为国王，统治了五年，在他统治的第三年，尼罗河洪水淹没了卢克索，第四年遭赫梯人攻击。
大家都很困惑：“你们是怎么发现这一切的？”
“他招了”
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Q: What did the LAPD and Tropicana used to have in common?
A: They both had O.J. in a can.
问：洛杉矶警察局和纯品康纳果汁过去有什么共同点？
答： 他们都把橙汁装在罐子里。（催泪弹）
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
A: They both had O.J. in a can.
问：洛杉矶警察局和纯品康纳果汁过去有什么共同点？
答： 他们都把橙汁装在罐子里。（催泪弹）
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?
A black guy
奥萨马·本·拉登、约瑟夫·斯大林和希特勒正在抢劫一家银行，条子会先开枪打死谁？
一个黑人
A black guy
奥萨马·本·拉登、约瑟夫·斯大林和希特勒正在抢劫一家银行，条子会先开枪打死谁？
一个黑人
My humor is so dark
That the cops are even beating it
我讲的笑话过于黑色幽默，以至于条子想要暴打它。
That the cops are even beating it
我讲的笑话过于黑色幽默，以至于条子想要暴打它。
The power of Pepsi
So a couple of friends of mine, one black, one white were at a protest and wondered which carbonated drink makes the police the most peaceful. You see, my white friend went up to the front of the protest and shouted to the cops "Anybody wanna buy some Pepsi?!" and the cops were all chill and happy, some even bought a can or two. But then my black friend went up to the front and shouted "Anybody wanna buy some coke?!"
Turns out it really is Pepsi.
百事可乐的力量
我的两个朋友，一个黑人一个白人都参加了抗议活动，他们想知道哪种碳酸饮料能让条子感到最平静。我的白人朋友走到抗议的最前面，向警察们喊道：“有人想买百事可乐吗？！”警察们平静且高兴，有些人甚至买了一两罐。但后来我的黑人朋友走到前面喊道：“有人想买可口可乐吗？！”…….
看来还是百事可乐能让人冷静啊
So a couple of friends of mine, one black, one white were at a protest and wondered which carbonated drink makes the police the most peaceful. You see, my white friend went up to the front of the protest and shouted to the cops "Anybody wanna buy some Pepsi?!" and the cops were all chill and happy, some even bought a can or two. But then my black friend went up to the front and shouted "Anybody wanna buy some coke?!"
Turns out it really is Pepsi.
百事可乐的力量
我的两个朋友，一个黑人一个白人都参加了抗议活动，他们想知道哪种碳酸饮料能让条子感到最平静。我的白人朋友走到抗议的最前面，向警察们喊道：“有人想买百事可乐吗？！”警察们平静且高兴，有些人甚至买了一两罐。但后来我的黑人朋友走到前面喊道：“有人想买可口可乐吗？！”…….
看来还是百事可乐能让人冷静啊
Why do LAPD cops have really clear skin?
They're great at popping black heads.
为啥洛杉矶条子的皮肤这么干净啊？
因为他们很擅长去黑头。
They're great at popping black heads.
为啥洛杉矶条子的皮肤这么干净啊？
因为他们很擅长去黑头。
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
节目《警察》已经停止播放了
致敬警方关闭摄像头的悠久传统。
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
节目《警察》已经停止播放了
致敬警方关闭摄像头的悠久传统。
Why does Batman leave his lower face visible?
So cops can see that he's white
为什么蝙蝠侠会让他的下半脸可见？
这样警察还能认出他是白人
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
So cops can see that he's white
为什么蝙蝠侠会让他的下半脸可见？
这样警察还能认出他是白人
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
What‘s the difference between a cop and a bullet？
When a bullet kills someone else, you know it has been fired.
一名警官和一枚子弹有什么区别呢?
当一颗子弹杀死别人时，你知道它已经被开（火）了。
When a bullet kills someone else, you know it has been fired.
一名警官和一枚子弹有什么区别呢?
当一颗子弹杀死别人时，你知道它已经被开（火）了。
Two priests are out driving one day..
when they get pulled over by a police officer.
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver
"Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters"
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says;
"Alright officer, we'll do it"
有一天，两个牧师开车外出。。
当他们被警察拦下时。
警察走近牧师的车，对司机说
“很抱歉把你拦下来，神父，但我们正在找几个猥亵儿童的人”
两个牧师互相看了一会儿，然后平静地对对方说了几句话。转身对警察说：；
“好的警官，我们会这么做的”
when they get pulled over by a police officer.
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver
"Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters"
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says;
"Alright officer, we'll do it"
有一天，两个牧师开车外出。。
当他们被警察拦下时。
警察走近牧师的车，对司机说
“很抱歉把你拦下来，神父，但我们正在找几个猥亵儿童的人”
两个牧师互相看了一会儿，然后平静地对对方说了几句话。转身对警察说：；
“好的警官，我们会这么做的”
My Cocaine Is So White
Police Let It Go With A Warning
我的可卡因太白了
以至于警方警告一下就放行了
Police Let It Go With A Warning
我的可卡因太白了
以至于警方警告一下就放行了
What caused The Black Death?
The cops.
黑死病的病因是什么？
条子
The cops.
黑死病的病因是什么？
条子
I got arrested for killing a black man.
They charged me with impersonating a police officer.
我因杀害黑人而被捕。
但他们指控我冒充警官。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
They charged me with impersonating a police officer.
我因杀害黑人而被捕。
但他们指控我冒充警官。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs?
None. "He fell".
要多少警察才能把一个黑人推下楼梯？
一个也不用，（警察一到）黑人就从楼梯上掉下来了。
None. "He fell".
要多少警察才能把一个黑人推下楼梯？
一个也不用，（警察一到）黑人就从楼梯上掉下来了。
Why aren't color blind people allowed to join LAPD?
They wouldn't know who to shoot
为什么色盲不允许加入洛杉矶警察局？
他们不知道该向谁开枪
They wouldn't know who to shoot
为什么色盲不允许加入洛杉矶警察局？
他们不知道该向谁开枪
Everyone in my family was a police officer, except for my grandad, who was a bank robber
He died last week
surrounded by his family
我家里的每个人都是警察，除了我的祖父，他是个银行抢劫犯
他上周去世了，死的时候被家人包围着
He died last week
surrounded by his family
我家里的每个人都是警察，除了我的祖父，他是个银行抢劫犯
他上周去世了，死的时候被家人包围着
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原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处