我该如何保护自己不被言语威胁(三)
How can I defend myself from being verbally bullied?
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网友：为什么没有人建议反击？我并不是在提倡暴力，但有时，我们不能简单地忽视或逃避霸凌，就轻易地让它过去。言语霸凌是指使用刻薄的语言来羞辱受害者，仅仅不把它放在心上并不能结束霸凌......
正文翻译
How can I defend myself from being verbally bullied?
我该如何保护自己不被言语威胁?
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安德里安托·哈迪，我高中毕业20年了
I agree if at first, taking a calm reaction and simply ignoring the doer is a good a tip to avoid more serious problem but if it happens all the time then confronting the doer is must.
I got bullied during junior high school and at first, I let them bullied me and I decided to ignore them in the hope they would let me go but it didn’t stop. So one day I said enough and decided to fight back and it ended the bullying for good.
You want to know how I fight back ? I punched the doer right in his face as he was extorting me at school canteen and we fought like hell while being watched by other students. We both got suspended but after that, they didn’t dare to bully me anymore and I got respect from everyone.
It worked for me to end bullying that happened to me, but again I didn’t promote violence.
为什么没有人建议反击？我并不是在提倡暴力，但有时，我们不能简单地忽视或逃避霸凌，就轻易地让它过去。言语霸凌是指使用刻薄的语言来羞辱受害者，仅仅不把它放在心上并不能结束霸凌。
我同意，如果一开始，采取冷静的反应，简单地忽略行为人是一个避免更严重问题的好建议，但如果这种情况一直发生，那么就必须面对行为人。
我在初中时被欺负，起初，我让他们欺负我，决定无视他们，希望他们会放我走，但这并没有停止他们继续欺负我。所以有一天，我说得够多了后，决定反击，这就永远结束了欺凌。
你想知道我是怎么反击的吗？在学校食堂勒索我的时候，我一拳打在了那个行为人的脸上，我们在其他学生的注视下拼命打架。我们都被阻止了，但在那之后，他们再也不敢欺负我了，我得到了大家的尊重。
我成功地结束了发生在我身上的欺凌行为，但我并不是在提倡暴力。
Here’s an obxtive way to do it:
(1). Don’t. You’re not on trial, you’re not under the gun, and you don’t have to prove anything to them.
(2). Laugh at them.
PS - “Kick their ass” works if you live in the Stone Age or in the Marvel Comics Universe, where there is no such as assault charges.
以下是一种客观的方法：
1、.不要理会，你不是在受审，你不是在枪口之下，你不需要向他们证明任何事情。
2、嘲笑他们。
如果你生活在石器时代或漫威漫画的世界里，“踢他们的屁股”是有效的，因为那里没有人身攻击指控。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I put up with it, once or twice. After that, I start looking for weaknesses to retaliate with.
I was a supervisor at a retail store, one of the girls who worked for me began to call me “melvin”(apparently she thought that made me sound less than manly).. I put up with it a few times, thought about using my (very little) leverage as her supervisor, then looked for a weakness.She was slightly heavy, but clearly was going to “double in value” before she hit 25. So each time she called me “melvin”, I responded, “OK, chubbs” after the 3rd or 4th time.
I knew nearly all teen girls are sensitive about their weight.
我忍受了一两次之后，开始寻找弱点进行报复。
我是一家零售店的主管，其中一个为我工作的女孩开始叫我“梅尔文”（男巫：显然她认为这让我听起来没那么显男子气概）。我忍了几次，我想过利用我作为她上司的(微不足道的)优势，然后寻找弱点。她有点重，但很明显，在她25岁之前，她的体重会“翻一番”。所以，每次她叫我“梅尔文”，我都会在第三次或第四次后回答，“好的，肥仔”。
我知道几乎所有十几岁的女孩都对自己的体重很敏感。
Believe in who you are and just be kind and respectful. You can’t control what they say or do but you can, however, control how you react. Know you are awesome and take whatever anyone says to you that is crude or mean and let it roll over you. They are looking for a reaction from you, all they want is some attention. The worst thing you can do to them is be kind when they are mean.
I can relate to you alot, I was verbally bullied for 18 years of my life. It’s not an easy thing to get through. If I could go back and tell myself something it would be to speak up and say something to the bullies in a calm, stern voice along the lines of “I’m sorry you feel that way but I’m okay.. thanks for asking.” And then walk away.
相信你是谁，只是要友善和尊重。你不能控制他们说什么或做什么，但你可以控制自己的反应。要知道你很了不起，不管别人对你说什么粗鲁或刻薄的话，都让它影响你。他们在观察你的反应，他们想要的只是一些关注。你能对他们做的最糟糕的事就是在他们刻薄的时候对他们友善。
我和你有很多共鸣，我18年来一直遭遇言语施暴，这不是一件容易的事。如果我能回到过去，告诉自己一些事情，那就是大声说出来，用平静、严厉的声音对那些欺负我的人说些什么，比如“我很抱歉让你这么想，但我没事。”谢谢你的关心。”然后走开。
I can understand why you would feel afraid. Just about anyone would be. I suggest talking to your parents or a trusted adult and let them help you to consider your options and be honest on how you feel about their suggestions they are offering , you don’t want to find yourself in a even more uncomfortable spot then you feel like you are in now.
My son had a similar problem, he was a little guy and very shy. School mates and neighbor hood kids picked and bullied him a lot. As parents, my husband and I didn’t know what to do about it. My son didn’t want us to go to the school and talk to the teacher or principal. Even if we did it wasn’t going to address the bullying that went on outside of school. We had a few options, and the best one we came up with was martial arts. It did the trick. He never had to use it, he never threatened to use it, or boast about taking the classes it just built up his self esteem, he became more confident and less afraid. He felt secure enough to pick friends that cared about him. I am not saying that martial arts is your answer, but what I am saying is there is a solution believe that. You just have to weigh your options with the help of someone you trust.
我能理解你为什么会感到害怕。几乎任何人都会这样。我建议与你的父母或一个值得信任的成年人谈谈，让他们帮助你考虑你的选择，并诚实地说出你对他们提供的建议的感受，你不想发现自己处于一个比你现在感觉的更不舒服的位置。
我儿子也有类似的问题，他是个小个子，非常害羞。同学们和邻居的孩子们经常欺负他。作为父母，我和丈夫不知道该怎么办。我儿子不想让我们去学校和老师或校长说。即使我们这样做了，也无法解决校外发生的欺凌行为。我们有几个选择，我们想出的最好的选择是武术。它成功了。他从不需要使用它，也从不威胁要使用它，也从不吹嘘自己参加的课程。它只是建立起他的自尊，他变得更加自信，不再那么害怕。他觉得有足够的安全感来挑选关心他的朋友。我并不是说武术是你的答案，但我想说相信这一点：总会有解决办法。你只需要在你信任的人的帮助下权衡你的选择。
There was a cartoon, Yu Gi Oh! or The Saman King or something of the sort. Was watching it as a kid and there was this episode when this Shaman didn't want to fight because he didn't believe that his opponents deserved being destroyed or something.
He said, I'm not going to fight you. And they kept insisting and finally attacked him with their Shamans.
All their hits went through him or missed, and his friends wondered how was that possible. Why wasn't he injured? He answered that if he doesn't take it personally, those attacks can't hurt him.
Same applies here. You can be called a fag or ugly and you might be both or neither but in the end what you are called doesn't define. Only your answer to this defines you.
The wisest thing would be to completely ignore the other person.
If you still want to hurt them back try thinking beforehand of something funny to say about them and then say that you're joking.
Or you can say, you know what, I also think that I'm ugly. Or, I don't know, I don't really like boys (or girls) but who knows. I actually have never thought of it.
Rationalize the fuck out of it.
But remember what I said in the beginning, don't get upset. Smile.
有一部动画片《游戏王》 ！或者《The Saman King》之类的。我小时候看的时候，其中有一集萨满不想打架，因为他不相信他的对手应该被摧毁或其他什么。
他说，我不会和你打架。他们一直坚持，最后用他们的萨满攻击了他。
他们的攻击要么击中了他，要么没击中，他的朋友们想知道他为什么没有受伤？他回答说，如果他不把这件事放在心上，那些袭击不会伤害到他。
这里也同样适用。你可以被称为同性恋或丑八怪，你可能两者都是，也可能都不是，但最终你被称为什么并不能定义你，只有你对这个问题的回答才能定义你。
最明智的做法是完全忽视对方。
如果你还想伤害他们，试着事先想一些关于他们的有趣的事情，然后说你在开玩笑。
或者你可以说，你知道吗，我也觉得我很丑。或者，我不知道，我真的不喜欢男孩（或女孩），但谁知道呢。其实我从来没有想过。
给它找个借口。
但是记住我刚开始说的话，不要难过，微笑。
To me, words only have the power to hurt if you don't have the mental discipline to push those words aside. Words lose power when you don't take them to heart.
If you just cannot let it go, as so many of us can't, another approach is to listen to what the verbal bully is saying, and retort using logic and reason. Not to engage in mud slinging, per se, but to respond with disarming rhetoric. No argument exists, that cannot be refuted. I firmly believe this.
So, if you can't ignore it, fight words with an arsenal of your own well considered responses. I've rarely had occasion to do more than speak a few well chosen words, to shut down a bully in mid-rant.
对我来说，只有当你没有做过心能训练以能不理会那些话时，言语才有伤害的力量。如果你不把话放在心上，它就会失去力量。
如果你就是不能放手，就像我们中的许多人那样做不到，另一种方法是倾听言语施暴者所说的话，并用逻辑和理性进行反驳。就其本身而言，不是要进行诽谤，而是用解除武装的言辞来回应。我坚信这一点：不存在无法反驳的论点。
所以，如果你不能忽视它，那就用你自己经过深思熟虑的回答来与之抗争吧。除了说几句精心挑选的话语，来制止一个正在咆哮的恶霸，很少有机会做别的事。
You must deal with the abuse in a strong, definitive way the first time it happens. You could say, I won’t tolerate being talked to in a condesending way. I know you don’t really want to put me down (if this is true) Let’s talk about the issue. You seem angry about something, shall we talk? If it happens again, you can leave the room and not speak to him again unless there is a genuine change of mind. If this is a continuing problem, I would contact a good friend and tell him about the situation and ask him to be your accountability partner to hold the abuser accountable. You could even tell the abuser that you have done this and will continue until he stops. Of course, if there is no change, you must leave him with the notice that you will reconcile with a Counsellor when he’s ready.
第一次发生虐待时，你必须以有力、明确的方式处理。你可以说，我不能容忍别人以一种谴责的方式跟我说话。我知道你真的不想让我失望（如果这是真的），让我们谈谈这个问题。你似乎因什么事而生气，我们谈谈好吗？如果这种情况再次发生，你可以离开房间，不再和他说话，除非你真的改变了主意。如果持续这样，我会联系一个好朋友，告诉他情况，并请他成为你的见证者，让施暴者承担责任。你甚至可以告诉施虐者你已经这样做了，并会一直持续到他停止为止。当然，如果没有变化，你必须通知他，当律师准备好时，要他去与律师交流。
Kearra Banks
I've been verbally abused by my own parents which is so fucked up that they'd speak to their own kid less than an animal. I felt like I was about to go insane at one point. They'd belittle my intelligence and I can't stand when someone insults my looks or intelligence. I'd wished to be removed from the home as a kid and placed with parents that wouldn't verbally or physically abuse me no matter what. I was making good grades and a part of the National Honor Society for crying out loud!! And they insult my intelligence?!! Wtf! Karma will bite them in the ass.
我被我自己的父母言语施暴过，他们对自己的孩子说的话比动物还少。我觉得自己有点快要发疯了。他们会贬低我的智慧，当有人侮辱我的容貌或智慧时，我无法忍受。当我还是个孩子的时候，我就希望从家里搬出去，住在无论如何都不会在言语上或身体上虐待我的父母那里。我成绩很好，还成为了国家荣誉协会的一员!他们侮辱我的智商?!卧槽 !他们会槽报应的。
Fight of wits is more important than verbal abuse. Best way of defending is to just ignore them and not get affected. See they’re barking dogs. But if you wish to fight back ( which sometimes you have to!) then with minimal talking show them their standards! that’s it! Nothing’s gonna happen if you sit over it and crib you see? Verbal abuse can be easily ignored. If you get irritated, the other party will irritate you more!
斗智斗勇比辱骂更重要。最好的防御方式就是无视他们，不要受到影响。看，他们在如狗一样叫。但如果你想反击（有时你不得不这么做！）然后用最少的言语以他们的标准回应他们！就是这样！如果你坐在它旁边，看着它，什么都不会发生。言语虐待很容易被忽视，如果你被激怒了，对方会更加激怒你！
Yes, by ending relationships with them once I realized what they were doing, I prevented later verbal abuse.
In the moment of verbal abuse, I have “observed rather than absorbed” and avoided adding fuel to the fire by remaining silent, but that didn’t necessarily stop it.
I have also left the environment and locked myself in my own car as he continued to verbally abuse me
是的，一旦我意识到他们在做什么，我就结束了与他们的关系，这样我就避免了后来的言语虐待。
在辱骂的时刻，我“观察而不是吸收”，并通过保持沉默避免火上浇油，但这并不一定能阻止它。
当他继续辱骂我时，我就离开那种环境，把自己锁在自己的车里。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
There’s always the ever-so-grown-up, “I know you are, but what am I?”
I may do the thundering silence, whilst piercing the abuser with my basilisk stare.
I may burst out laughing, if their effort was lame.
If, reviewing the circumstances, I can honestly believe that I fed into that person’s anger, I may apologize for MY part of what happened.
Getting to the bottom line: I won’t tolerate abuse. If this is a person I must deal with on an on-going basis, I will be communicating with them only in writing. And I will document, document, document.
If this abusive person is part of a family or social circle, I will not be spending time with them. I may be remotely polite if forced to speak. I will not be unpleasant unless the abuser repeats this behavior.
I will call them out, I will ostracize them, and if the comment is slanderous, I will file charges.
他们总是会说:“我知道你是，但我是什么?”
我可能会沉默不语，同时用蛇怪般的目光刺穿施暴者。
如果他们的努力是徒劳的，我可能会突然大笑起来。
如果回顾一下当时的情况，我可以诚实地相信我助长了那个人的愤怒，我可能会为发生的事情中我的那部分因素而道歉。
说到底：我不会容忍虐待。如果这是一个我必须持续与之打交道的人，我将仅以书面形式与他们沟通。我会记录，记录，记录。
如果这个虐待者是家庭或社交圈的一部分，我就不会和他们在一起。 如果被逼着说话，我可能会稍微客气一点。除非施暴者重复这种行为，否则我不会感到不快。
我会把他们叫出来，我会排斥他们，如果评论是诽谤性的，我会提起诉讼。
比尔·琼斯，研发工程师(1983年至今)
more correctly, i dont seem to attract all that many. i dont really know why that is but heres my guess.
for one, ive had more than a few incidents that suggest that i look like law enforcement. they dont all look the same so i dont know why. when younger more like a big charles manson. i think that letting off steam by venting it on random victims thus looks enough like a bad idea that i dont see it in the general public.
at work i always establish that i am who to come see for the things i do, and i leave the things that u dont do alone. theres occasionally some asshole at a new job who wants to accomplish i dont know what by showing me up. i ignore it until it interferes with something and then i have the talk. the talk that clearly demonstrates that if i was elected to do the thing that brought your act on, then you can bet your ass i understand it clearly before i do any of it, and just exactly how wise you would be to have an argument with me over it in private before in public.
those attacks happen once every 10 years
one other happens about once every two years. me and the vp. his age is more apparent in his thinking than mine. so he is more often sure he asked me in writing the thing that neither of us can find a record of. being vpish he yells some. i get what the problem is, and so it passes with an apology the next day.
言语攻击：我不会去言语攻击。
更准确地说，我似乎吸引不了那么多的人。我真的不知道为什么，但这是我的猜测。
首先，我经历过不少事件，让我看起来像执法人员。他们看起来不都一样，所以我不知道为什么。年轻的时候更像个查尔斯·曼森。我认为把怒气发泄到随机的受害者身上看起来是一个很糟糕的主意，我在公众中看不到这一点。
在工作中，我总是建立这样的观念:我做的事情应该由我来做，你没有做的事情我就不去做。在新工作中，偶尔会有一些混蛋想通过出现在我面前来完成我不知道的事情。我忽略它，直到它干扰到某些东西，然后我才开始说话。这番话清楚地表明，如果我选择做让你的行为受到影响的事，那你可以跟我打赌，在我动手之前，我就搞清楚了，你要是能在公开场合之前私下里跟我讨论这个问题，那该有多明智。
这些袭击每10年发生一次
另一种大约每两年发生一次。我和副总裁。他比我显得幼稚。因此，所以他更确信他让我写了我们都找不到记录的事情。作为一名副总统，他大喊大叫。我明白了问题所在，所以第二天我就道歉了。
this brings to mind the apparent calling out fad we have going. if i judge by you tube, which may be a bad idea, this can look like an attack on someone who is wondering what is going on and be by more than one person. i think that the few i have seen didnt defend themselves because they were totally unprepared.
it is possible that they did something to provoke the attack without realizing it. i can see that kind of person, the minding his own business and not realizing that this was a thing, could percieve the need to defend. like this question suggests.
im saying here that you might see a need to get this answered because you are often in an environment where its easy for this to happen and you havent thought through how to manage it, which includes a brief review of what your stance is with respect to the issues that precipitate it and what you are going to do if it happens.
i am aware of this stuff. so, using this as an example, i am as prepared as i can be to handle such a thing. which will guarantee that, if it happens, it wont happen again.
所以在我看来，避免麻烦至少需要在你开始做事情或喋喋不休地谈论它们之前先了解问题，也许还需要穿一件厚重的狩猎夹克来显大。
这让人想起了我们正在流行的大声呼喊的时尚。如果我从油管上判断的话，这可能是一个坏主意，这可能看起来像是对一个想知道发生了什么事情的人的攻击，并且是由多个人发起的。我认为我所见过的少数人没有自卫是因为他们完全没有准备。
有可能是他们做了什么事，在没有意识到的情况下挑起了这次攻击。 我能看到那种人，只顾着自己的事情，没有意识到这是一件事，可以感觉到捍卫的需要。就像这个问题所暗示的。
我在这里说，你可能会觉得有必要回答这个问题，因为你经常处于一个容易发生这种情况的环境中，你还没有想过如何管理它，这包括一个简短的回顾，你的立场是什么，关于促成它的问题，如果它发生了，你要做什么。
我知道这件事。所以，以这个为例，我已经做好了处理这种事情的准备。这将保证，如果它发生，它不会再次发生。
Set your boundaries, and do not be afraid to defend them. Also, remember, even if you are a paraplegic quadriplegic, you have the ability as well as the freedom to remove yourself from where bullying is happening. You have the freedom, prerogative and responsibility to stand up for and defend yourself against bullying, and you have the freedom, prerogative and responsibilty to reach and seek out help and support. You have the freedom, prerogative and responsibility to check yourself to ensure whatever bullying you personally experience(d) goes no further. The cycle ends with you. The bullying stops with you.
设定你的界限，不要害怕，去捍卫它们。此外，请记住，即使你是截瘫的四肢瘫痪患者，你有能力，也有自由，远离欺凌发生的地方。你有自由、权力和责任来维护和捍卫自己反对欺凌，你有自由、权力和责任去寻求帮助和支持。你有检查自己的自由、特权和责任，以确保你个人经历的任何欺凌不再继续发生。循环在你身上结束，霸凌到此为止。
If you were a grownup and knew who you are and who you are not, no one would bully you, one way or another.
Grownups don’t put up with being bullied; they put them in their place, which is at the curb.
Grownups don’t give their permission to bullies to bully them or hurt them in any way; no one can hurt you without your permission.
Stand on your own two feet, instead of cowering like a child. You do not need to be mean about it; you just tell the bullier that you know what they are doing, that you will not accept it for one more second, and if the do, they’re finished = GET OUT!
Do you really need to be hurt all the time? NO! So stop putting up with it.
Just say NO!
如果你是一个成年人，知道自己是谁，知道自己不是谁，没有人会以这样或那样的方式欺负你。
成年人不会容忍被欺负；他们把它们放在他们该在的地方，也就是路边。
成年人不允许欺负者以任何方式欺负或伤害他们；没有你的允许，任何人都不能伤害你。
靠自己的双脚站着，不要像个孩子一样畏缩不前。你不必对此做出解释;你只要告诉他们你知道他们在做什么，你一秒钟也不会接受，如果他们还继续，他们就完蛋了—让他们滚!
你真的需要一直受到伤害吗？不！所以不要再忍受了。
说不就行了！
Do what ever you have to, to make the Bully Realize you will Fight them. Who cares if you get suspended or punished.
Smash their head into a desk, break their jaw, take the heaviest book you can find and smash their head with it. Dump an entire WET Lunch over their head or in their lap. Scream at the top you your lungs so everyone is looking at you and the Bully and Repeat everything they just said
State:
The Only Thing Necessary for the Triumph of Evil is that Good Men Do Nothing
The only thing that STOPS a BULLY is GROUP FORCE. Use any weapon you can to fight the B17CH./B@$T@RD that you have to.
Physical Bullying, the pain goes away as you can’t remember physical Pain, but Verbal Abuse, Humiliation will live with you your whole life. Verbally Abused Wives have killed their husbands for the abuse they suffered for years.
无论你做什么，都要让恶霸意识到你会与他们战斗，如果你被停学或处罚也不在乎。
把他们的头撞到桌子上，打断他们的下巴，拿着你能找到的最重的书，用它砸他们的头。把一顿湿漉漉的午餐倒在他们的头上或膝盖上。大声尖叫，这样大家都看着你和恶霸，重复他们刚刚说过的一切。
状态：
邪恶获得胜利的唯一必要条件是好人什么都不做。
唯一能阻止恶霸的是团体力量。使用任何你能使用的武器来对抗他们，你必须这么做。
身体上的欺凌，疼痛会消失，因为你不记得身体上的痛苦，但言语虐待，羞辱会伴随你一生。遭受言语施暴的妻子因为多年来遭受的虐待而杀害丈夫。
Silence is more threatening than trash talk.
Make note (or record) what they say to you, and tell them to stop.
Once.
Once and only once - make sure to make it clear. After you tell them to stop, ask if they understand. Once you’re sure they understand, stop talking to them.
Watch them.
Make notes about what they’re doing, for use in the investigation - you’re gathering proof and a pattern of behavior that the authorities might use to convict them if anything ever happens to you.
沉默比说些废话更具威胁性。
记下（或记录）他们对你说的话，并告诉他们停止。
一次
定要说清楚就这一次。在你告诉他们停止之后，问他们是否理解。一旦你确定他们明白了，就不要再和他们说话了。
看着他们。
记录他们正在做什么，以便在调查中使用——你正在收集证据和其行为模式，如果你发生啥事情，当局可能会用这些证据和行为模式来给他们定罪。