QA网友讨论:你还相信婚姻吗?
Dating and Relationships: Do you believe in marriage?译文简介
翻这个也是想听听大家对婚姻都怎么看,结果还是被鸡汤答案秀到了。
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Not really. I have been through marriage once.
I don’t see the need again.
I want companionship which I can get without marriage. This I seek definitely.
If I plan to be a single mom, it won’t matter.
Only if I want to be a parent and share that with a man, I might think of marriage.
Otherwise to me, marriage is an institution of control and fears.
I won’t ever succumb to fears or put up with any kind of control.
不相信,我经历过一次婚姻。
我觉得没必要再结婚。
我想要不结婚就能得到的伴侣关系,这是我确定要追求的。
如果我准备当一个单身妈妈,这没有什么不好。
只有当我考虑与一个男人一起抚养孩子,为人父母,可能我才会考虑结婚。
否则,对我来说,婚姻就是一个关于控制与恐惧的制度。
我将永远不会屈服于恐惧或忍受任何形式的控制。
Marriage is not just about Fear and control. I think you are only considering the negative side of it.
It strengthens the bond of companionship.
It reminds both the parties involved that they are responsible for each other’s happiness along with their own.
You might feel free and uninhibited without it but that might make it a little too easy to disregard the other person altogether and go about your own doings.
婚姻不仅仅是关于恐惧和控制。我认为你只是在考虑它的消极方面。
它加强了伴侣关系的纽带。
它提醒了双方,他们要对彼此的幸福以及自己的幸福负责。
没有它,您可能会感到自由和不受约束,但这也可能会使其中一方很容易就忽略掉另一方,只做自己的事情。
Do I believe in marriage? Yes I do. It's a legally recognized cultural phenomena that most of the world assigns religious significance to. It's a social contract that allows for inheritance and distribution of property. It is, and so I believe it.
But do I believe in the sanctity of marriage? In the cultural compulsion of being a part of this institution? In the hype about soul mates and how marriage is the only thing that lends your life any purpose?
No, I don't
I believe marriage can be a wonderful thing if a person actually wishes to marry, and does so with a person they share similar core values with. I respect people who have celebrated their commitment to their beloved through matrimony, and I respect those people who are happy single, or in romantic relationships who wish to stay without a legal label.
If I were to summarize - I respect the commitment. The assumption that the commitment only means something if accompanied with marriage? Not so much.
我相信婚姻吗?是的,我相信。这是世界上大多数人赋予其宗教意义且得到法律认可的文化现象。这是一种允许继承和分配财产的社会契约。是的,所以我相信。
但我相信婚姻的神圣性吗?相信某种文化强迫性,觉得要成为这种制度的一部分?相信关于灵魂伴侣及婚姻如何是唯一让你的生活有意义的东西的炒作?
不,我不相信。
我相信,如果一个人真的想结婚,并且与一个跟他拥有相似核心价值观的人结婚,那么婚姻可能是一件美妙的事情。我尊重那些通过婚姻来表达对心爱之人的承诺的人,我也尊重那些过着幸福单身生活的人,或者那些希望在没有法律标签的情况下保持恋爱关系的人。
如果我总结一下——我尊重承诺。有人假设只有通过婚姻,承诺才有意义?并不是如此。
Marriage is not needed in the way it was say 50 - 60 yrs or more ago...back when women typically didn't work out side the home, marriage gave them some security...if they just shacked up with a guy, had and raised his kids, and were a homemaker but the relationship ended, they'd be on the street easily with no legal recourse and only child support (if they sued for that)...being married ensured they'd be taken care of on some level, if the relationship ended and they had some legal rights that they wouldn't have had as an unmarried partner...
Nowadays, those legal rights still exist, but since most women work outside the home and can support themselves, marriage isn't as "necessary" as it once was...women don't need men to provide for them anymore (generally speaking)...marriage is more for the legal benefits or for those who feel taking that step makes their relationship more committed or solid...and of course, it's more expensive to end (than if they were not married)...
As for monogamy, humans aren't wired to be monogamous but many give it a shot (and a fair number succeed)...for quite a few, serial monogamy works well...for others, they want variety all the time (that's why there are open marriages and people in the swinging lifestyle)...
Source : Yahoo answers
人们不再像50到60年前或更早的时候那样需要婚姻了......在那些女性通常不外出工作的年代,婚姻给了她们一些安全感......如果她们只是和一个男人同居,生育并抚养了他的孩子,做家庭主妇,一旦关系结束了,他们很容易流落街头,没有法律追索权,只有子女抚养费(如果他们起诉的话)......结婚确保他们得到某种程度的照顾,如果关系结束他们能够拥有一些他们作为未婚伴侣时不会拥有的合法权利......
如今,这些合法权利仍然存在,但由于大多数女性在外工作并且可以养活自己,婚姻不再像以前那样“必要”……女性不再需要男人来养活她们(一般来说)...婚姻更多是为了法律利益,或者有些人认为通过这一步骤能够使他们的关系更加坚定或稳固......当然,也使得结束关系的代价更高昂(相比于他们没有结婚时)......
至于一夫一妻制,人类并不是一定要一夫一妻制,但许多人试一试(并且相当多的人成功了)......对于相当多的人来说,连续一夫一妻制效果很好......对于其他人来说,他们一直想要多样性(这就是为什么会有开放式婚姻和摇摆不定的生活方式的人)......
My grandmother is 95℅ deaf , so sometimes when we had to tell her something we would shout , scream and make actions yet she would not understand. We would ask our grandfather to tell her and he would just say once and she would get it. There was nothing special that he did , what was special is that she was so used to his voice that her ears would easily pick up what he is trying to say. Sometimes they just sat and talked in normal pitch voice(which was impossible for us to do ), it was amazing to see how exclusive he is for her. Yes, i beleive in marriage because it is truly about a partner for life.
我的奶奶耳聋程度大概95%,所以有时当我们不得不告诉她一些事情时,我们会大喊大叫并做出一些动作,但她却听不懂。我们会请爷爷告诉她,他只会说一次,她就会明白。他所做的并没有什么特别之处,特别的是,她已经习惯了他的声音,以至于她的耳朵很容易就能听到他想说的话。有时他们只是坐下来用正常的音调说话(这对我们来说是不可能的),看到他对她是如此的独特,真是太棒了。是的,我相信婚姻,因为它真正关乎一位一生的伴侣。
No, I don't..
I don't believe in marriage just for the sake of marriage. I don't believe any of the social, religious, security reasons. And as @Bijaya Biswal mentioned in her answer it's a bit of anti feminist institution. Many of the customs during wedding were highly patriarchal. Even expectations from a bahu are.
But I believe in my partner, or my husband, as I am after all married. We were insanely honest during our relationship about our past, feelings, expectations, and everything under the sun and darkness. For us, marriage is just a convenience to live together and make each other lives tolerable, at best. We still wonder how it is fun to be with each other all the time with social acceptance. We don't have to hide, lie or think about expressing our affections any more. Though we both don't believe in doing it on social media. We love doing mundane household chores, late night chats, being a part of each other's families and most importantly, just being there for each other, no questions asked.
I guess the take away from my answer is, don't believe in marriage, but believe in your partner. After all, marriage is what you both will make of it.
不,我不相信…
我不相信那种为了结婚而结婚的婚姻。我不相信出于任何社会、宗教、安全方面原因而结婚的婚姻。正如@Bijaya Biswal在她的回答中提到的那样,这是一个有些反女权主义的制度。婚礼期间的许多习俗都是高度重男轻女的。
但是我相信我的伴侣,或者说我的丈夫,因为我毕竟已经结婚了。在我们的关系中,我们对我们的过去、感受、期望以及阳光和黑暗下的一切都非常诚实。对我们来说,婚姻只是为了共同生活的便利,让彼此的生活充其量是可以忍受的。我们仍然想知道在社会认可的情况下一直在一起是多么有趣。我们不必再隐藏、撒谎或考虑是否表达我们的感情了。尽管我们都不相信在社交媒体上可以做到这一点。我们喜欢做平凡的家务,深夜聊天,成为彼此家庭的一员,最重要的是,彼此陪伴,不问任何问题。
我想我的答案是,不要相信婚姻,但要相信你的伴侣。毕竟,婚姻是你们双方一起建构的。
Since divorce rates are so high and love wears off shortly after marriage, why would one give their heart to another only to have it broken? Why would anyone want to get married?
That’s what I thought, too. I was the girl who was NEVER getting married. I was resolute, perfectly happy and totally OK with that. Then quite by chance, in a bar with a music genre I didn’t particularly care for, there he was. Of course, not at first -completely NOT my type! He was the dance instructor, the lessons were fun, I needed the excercise, my friends were doing it and I met a lot of nice new people, so I kept going to the place. The dance instructor was very handsome and had a rich toned, soothing “radio” voice. He was highly intelligent, articulate, funny, opinionated and irritatingly arrogant, and extremely popular with the ladies, but he never took advantage of that. He had several degrees, had recently left corporate America and was a U.S. Navy Commander. Above all, he made everyone feel important and graciously danced with all the ladies - short, tall, overweight, slim, young old, etc. He had an old fashioned, gentlemanly quality about him. He even walked ladies to their cars when they left. To make a long story short, he wasn’t looking for me and I wasn’t looking for him, but there we were. In the space of two months, we were absolutely inseparable, after a few months we rented a place together and lived a glorious adventure for the next 11 years, then we got married. That was an even better adventure that lasted until 2012 when he was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia - yet another adventure. YES, we are still married, no, he does not remember me but I remember for us. He DOES know that, whoever I am, I’m his person. Caring for him is the the most important thing I’ve ever done. I meant every word when I said “for better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do us part.” I learn something new from my precious husband every day. He is still the love of my life, my knight in shining armor and the most fascinating man I have ever met. Never say never!
既然离婚率这么高,婚后不久爱情就会消退,那为什么一个人要把心交给另一个人,然后让自己心碎?为什么会有人想结婚?
我曾经也是这么想的。
我曾经就是那个永远不会结婚的女孩。我很坚决,非常高兴并且完全没有问题。然后很偶然地,在一个播放着我并不特别喜欢的音乐类型的酒吧里,他出现了。当然,一开始不是——他完全不是我喜欢的类型!他是舞蹈教练,课程很有趣,我需要练跳舞,我的朋友们都在跳,我遇到了很多不错的新朋友,所以我一直去那个地方。舞蹈教练长得很英俊,嗓音是浑厚舒缓的“电台”嗓音。他非常聪明,口齿伶俐,风趣幽默,固执己见,傲慢自大,非常受女士们欢迎,但他从未利用过这一点。他有几个学位,最近离开了一家美国公司,曾经是一名美国海军军官。更重要的是,他让每个人都觉得自己很重要,并与所有女士优雅地跳舞——矮个子、高个子、肥胖的、苗条的、年轻的、年老的等等。他身上有一种老式的、绅士的品质。当她们离开时,他甚至送女士们上车。长话短说,他没有刻意来找我,我也没有刻意去找他,但不知不觉我们走到了一起。那两个月的时间里,我们形影不离,几个月后,我们一起租了一处房子,在接下来的11年里过着极其愉快的冒险生活,然后我们结婚了。那是一次更好的冒险,一直持续到2012年他被诊断出患有额颞叶痴呆——又一次冒险。是的,我们仍然是夫妻,不,他不记得我,但我记得我们。他确实知道,无论我是谁,我都是他的人。照顾他是我所做过的最重要的事情。当我说“无论是好是坏,无论是疾病还是健康,直到死亡将我们分开”时,我都是认真的。我每天都从我宝贵的丈夫那里学到新东西。他仍然是我一生的挚爱,我的穿着闪亮盔甲的骑士,也是我见过的最迷人的男人。