你如何应对那些只在需要帮助时才联系你的人？
How do you deal with people who only contact you when they need a favor?
译文简介
网友：永远把自己放在第一位，因为没有其他人会像你一样做到这一点。 总的来说，人都是自私的。总有人想要认为他们应得的东西。这是一种权利问题，会导致有毒的关系，导致受害者感觉被利用和虐待。停止这个循环。练习说不。在你破产、破碎、孤独、精神/身体/经济疲惫之前，不要让这种情况继续下去......
正文翻译
How do you deal with people who only contact you when they need a favor?
你如何应对那些只在需要帮助时才联系你的人？
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Always put yourself first because no one else will do that as well as you can. People, in general, are selfish.
There's always people asking for things they think they deserve. It's an entitlement issue that leads into toxic relationships leading to the victim feeling used and abused.
Stop the cycle. Practice saying no. Don't let this go on until you are broke, broken, alone, mentally/physically/financially exhausted.
If you're going to be friends with them, you have to make them respect you. Talk to them face to face and not just messaging. You can be nice or mean/frank, but just give them your reasoning on why you think/feel a certain way and express how you wanted to communicate to that to them. Messaging is the easy coward route.
You also need to analyze them as a person. Do they have a stable job? If no stable job, are they working hard? Do they treat people with respect? Do they treat you as a real friend and hit you just to hang out for coffee (where they might even pay for it) or check on how you're doing?
永远把自己放在第一位，因为没有其他人会像你一样做到这一点。 总的来说，人都是自私的。
总有人想要认为他们应得的东西。这是一种权利问题，会导致有毒的关系，导致受害者感觉被利用和虐待。
停止这个循环。练习说不。在你破产、破碎、孤独、精神/身体/经济疲惫之前，不要让这种情况继续下去。
如果你要和他们做朋友，你必须让他们尊重你。面对面地和他们交流，而不仅仅是发信息。你可以表现得友好或刻薄/坦率，但只要告诉他们你为什么会有这样的想法/感觉，并表达出你想如何与他们沟通。传递信息是懦夫最容易走的路。
你还需要把他们作为一个人来分析。他们有稳定的工作吗? 如果没有稳定的工作，他们是否努力工作？他们尊重别人吗? 他们是否会把你当成真正的朋友，只是为了和你喝杯咖啡 (他们甚至会付钱) 或看看你过得怎么样?
For example, if you give them a ride to an event you are both attending, then they should have the decency to offer to pay/pitch in for gas and parking or go above (like buy your ticket too because they want you to be there) if they are that kind of friend. No one thinks about wear and tear on a car that isn't theirs and they won't be there when you need to change your oil or take it in for maintenance or clean the windows or take it for a car wash? If it's not their car or they have no investment in it, who is going to stop them from spilling in your car, leaving trash in it, leaving random stains, resting their feet wherever they please, messing with the hot/cold air system, changing your favorite radio stations, etc.?
To protect yourself in the future, you might want to test these people. Watch for their actions, personality, habits, consistency, loyalty, integrity, core values and beliefs. Ensure that you are clear in telling them your own financial situation. You can talk about the hard work and time you put into things to make it happen.
Bonus regular and savage replies below but keep in mind that you should consider who that person is and how you want to present yourself. Go back up to read about respect.
要诚实，也要求他们对你诚实。你可以讨论他们为什么要找你帮忙，并帮他们想出其他办法，这样他们就不会总是找你帮忙了。在你多次感觉他们只是为了利用你而找你的时候，你需要告诉他们，你做的一切都不是免费的，因为你努力工作是为了赚钱。
例如，如果你让他们搭便车去参加你们都参加的活动，那么他们应该有礼貌地提供支付/支付汽油和停车费或其它（比如也买你的票，因为他们希望你在那里) 如果他们是那种朋友。没有人会考虑到不是自己的车的磨损，当你的车需要更换机油，维修，清洁窗户，车时，他们会不会在你身边? 如果这不是他们的车，或者他们对车没有投资，谁会阻止他们在你的车里乱洒、乱扔垃圾、乱弄污渍、随意休息、破坏冷热空气系统、更换你最喜欢的广播电台等等?
为了在将来保护自己，你可能需要测试一下这些人。观察他们的行为、个性、习惯、一致性、忠诚、正直、核心价值观和信仰。确保你清楚地告诉他们你自己的财务状况。你可以谈论你为实现目标付出的努力和时间。
可以在下面定期和粗鲁地回复，但请记住，你应该考虑这个人是谁，以及你想如何展示自己。回去读一下关于尊重的内容。
You have to get me to Challenger as a duo with me in League of Legends. Then, I'll think about it.
[Don't respond to request, but respond when it's an actual conversation as a friend]
Sorry, I can't do that for you.
Ok, but I'm going to borrow your credit card and charge the same amount to pay myself back if I don't get my money back by [date]
(If they know you work at Disneyland, they will ask for you to get them in) I only take close friends and family to Disneyland. Sorry.
Have you tried your other sugar daddies?
Do I look that charitable?
If you're asking me for money, I don't think I can trust you with mine.
Better start selling that kidney of yours.
My cat said no.
你要替我付下个月的房租吗？
在英雄联盟中，你必须和我一起成为挑战者。然后，我会考虑的。
[不要回应请求，而是在与朋友进行实际对话时予以回应]
对不起，我不能帮你。
好的，但是如果你在[日期]之前没还钱，我会借你的信用卡，并收取相同的费用来偿还我自己
（如果他们知道你在迪士尼乐园工作，他们会要求你让他们进去）我只带亲密的朋友和家人去迪士尼乐园。很抱歉
你试过找你其他的甜心爸爸吗？
我看起来很仁慈吗？
如果你向我要钱，我想我不能把我的钱交给你。
最好把你的肾卖了。
我的猫拒绝了。
I'll take you to the local bus stop or gas station so you can ask more people there.
Do you want me to start a Kickstarter for you?
I can help you go to Costco so you can buy some candies to use as a fundraiser.
Cool story bro.
What's in it for me?
I'll have to charge plus interest.
If you're down to sign a legal binding letter showing this is how you will pay me back, then sure!
(if you want to put in the time, show all the screenshots of when they asked for something and use it as a response)
Glad you thought about messaging me just to ask for a favor. It really makes me feel appreciated as a friend.
I know you really want to get that game on release but if you don't have enough funds for it, then start saving now.
You should have your own savings built up and an emergency savings for expenses you don't expect.
Good luck!
Did you really just ask me, someone who is not even your close friend, for a favor?
It's not you, it's my car insurance.
Last time I checked, you still lived with your parents.
Ok, but you owe me In-N-Out for a month.
I'm on my time of the month so every answer is gonna be no.
你考虑过找工作吗？
我会带你去当地的公共汽车站或加油站，这样你就可以在那里问更多的人了。
你想让我帮你开个众筹吗？
我可以帮你去Costco，这样你就可以买些糖果来做筹款活动了。
有意思，兄弟。
这对我有什么好处？
我得加收利息。
如果你愿意签署一份具有法律约束力的信函，表明你将以这种方式偿还我，那当然可以！
（如果你想输入时间，请显示他们提出要求时的所有屏幕截图，并将其用作回应）
很高兴你想给我发个短信只是想请我帮个忙。作为朋友，我真的很感激。
我知道你真的很想把游戏发布，但如果你没有足够的资金，那就现在开始存钱吧。
你应该积累自己的积蓄，并为你意想不到的开支紧急储蓄。
祝你好运
你真的只是请求我，一个甚至不是你亲密朋友的人，帮个忙吗？
不是你，是我的汽车保险。
上次我查的时候，你还和父母住在一起。
好吧，但你欠我一个月的工资。
我来例假了，所以我的回答是拒绝的。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I have a so called friend. Well actually I don't want to call him a friend anymore.
I like to do people a favor. But when they don't want to do me a favor, I ignore them.
This person who is no longer my friend, he only called me when he needed help. I told him several times that he could call me when he wants to hang out. To do something. He said he will do that. Well it's easy to say. It's almost a year i talked to him.
In my opinion, if you don't want to only do them a favor, ignore them. Even if you really like this person. Maybe this person will be angry. But that is not your problem.
If you are looking for a friend, then be with a person who cares about you. Who likes to talk to you about everything. Who wants to hang out.
A “friend” who only contact you when need you to do a favor, is not a friend.
Only you can decide what those people will be for you.
我有一个所谓的朋友。其实我不想再叫他朋友了。
我喜欢帮别人的忙。但是当他们不想帮我的忙时，我会忽略他们。
这个人不再是我的朋友，他只是在需要帮助时才给我打电话。我多次告诉他，他想出去玩的时候可以给我打电话，一起去做点什么。他说他会打电话给我。这事我和他说了快一年了。
在我看来，如果你不想只帮他们一个忙，那就忽略他们。即使你真的喜欢这个人。也许这个人会生气，但这不是你的问题。
如果你在寻找朋友，那就找一个关心你，能和你谈论一切，能和你一起闲逛的人做朋友。
只有在需要你帮忙的时候才联系你的“朋友”不是朋友。
只有你才能决定那些人对你来说意味着什么。
Stop doing for them. People will not communicate with you for months and years at a time but once they need something you’re the first person they call. It’s not fair to you. Those are the type of people you need to cut out your life. The same people who ask you for help when they need it is the same people who would never break their back for you. Stop helping people who would never do for you. Personally I don’t believe in helping others when in need because you’ll receive a blessing. That is not true. You help a person and the pay back with a slap in the face. If someone who doesn’t call you any other time calls you for help, hang up on them. Let them suffer on their own.
不要再帮他们了。有的人几个月或几年的时间都不和你联系，但一旦他们需要什么，他们会第一个打电话给你。 这对你不公平。那些人就是你要摆脱的人。那些在需要的时候向你寻求帮助的人，同样也是永远不会为你倾尽全力的人。不要再帮助那些永远不会帮助你的人。就我个人而言，我不相信在别人需要的时候帮助他们，你就会得到祝福。这不是真的。你帮助了一个人，却得到了一记耳光的回报。如果有人在其他时间都不打电话给你，却打电话向你求助，挂断他们的电话。让他们自作自受吧。
Without examples, but my responses after being used to their ends.
Caller: What’s going?
Me: Not much at the moment.
Me: What do you want?
Caller: What makes you think I want something?
Me : It’s the only time I hear from you.
Caller: Mindless chit chat for a few moments. They will try to play on my sympathy with conversations as to why their need is important. Obviously not to me.
Me: I gotta go and finish…, (Whatever task I was performing before call)
This may sound rude, but I have helped these people in the past and when I called and asked for assistance, I would get a hesitant okay. Either they showed up hours after appointed time, or did not show up at all.
Needless to say I rarely, if at all hear from these acquaintances anymore.
I have a handful of friends though, that I help them and they help me
没有例子，但我习惯了了解他们目的后的反应。
来电者:最近怎样?
我: 还行吧。
我: 你想要什么?
来电者: 是什么让你觉得我想要什么？
我: 这是我唯一一次听到你的消息。
来电者: 无意识地闲聊了一会儿。他们会试图利用我的同情来讨论为什么他们的需求很重要。对我来说显然不是。
我: 我要去完成……(打电话前我正在做的任务)
这听起来可能不太礼貌，但我过去曾帮助过这些人，当我打电话请求帮助时，我得到的回应是一个犹豫的“好”。他们要么在约定时间过后几个小时才出现，要么根本就没有出现。
不用说，我很少再听到这些熟人的消息了。
不过我有一些朋友，我帮助他们，他们也帮助我。
How can anyone use you without you allowing that person to use you?
I feel sorry for people who play victim card all the time. They live under the illusion that everyone is using them and that they are so innocent that are allowing everyone to use them.
I worked 25 years in government as an IRS officer. Did government use me for 25 years?
I brought up two daughters who have now become independent. Did my daughters use me?
I have written 1800 answers on Quora. Did Quora use me by not paying me anything?
I am giving free lesson on Unacademy. Is Unacademy using me?
You always get back something in life when you give something to it.
If you think that people are using you, pause for a while and find what you are getting in return,
Know how you are using people rather than people using you?
If you are not happy with the bargain, ask for more instead of blaming others for not giving you what you think you should have got.
如果你不允许别人利用你，别人怎么能利用你呢?
我为那些总是打受害者牌的人感到难过。他们生活在一种错觉中，认为每个人都在利用他们，他们是如此无辜，允许每个人利用他们。
我在政府部门当了25年的国税局官员。政府利用了我25年吗?
我抚养了两个女儿，她们现在已经独立了。我的女儿们利用我了吗?
我在Quora上写了1800个答案。Quora是通过不给我任何报酬来利用我的吗?
我在Unacademy上免费给大家上课。Unacademy在利用我吗?
当你付出时，你总会在生活中得到回报。
如果你认为人们在利用你，暂停一下，看看你得到了什么回报，
知道你是如何利用别人而不是别人利用你的?
如果你对目前状况不满意，那就要求更多，而不是责怪别人没有给你你认为你应该得到的。
Say no. I mean it. Tell people no when they ask you to do something. Practice until you get good at it.
Note: don't say no to anybody who pays you to do stuff, like your boss.
拒绝，我是认真的。当人们要求你做某事时，拒绝他们。你得不断练习，直到你擅长拒绝为止。
注意：不要拒绝任何付钱让你做事的人，比如你的老板。
Find new friends, now. These people aren't your friends, they've only allowed you to be their friends when they need something, they're takers plain and simple, fair weather friends, and the world is full of them.
True best friends are the type of people who will reciprocate, are there for you when you need them, can be relied on anytime, and vice versa. They will encourage and support you, aren't envious or petty, but genuinely love and care about you, and will only want what's best for you. If lucky, you will have only a handful of friends like this, friends who are your truest and dearest friends throughout your life.
现在就去找新朋友。这些人不是你的朋友，他们只在需要的时候才会让你成为他们的朋友。他们是简单明了的索取者，只是酒肉朋友，而这世上到处都是这样的人。
真正的好朋友是那种会互惠互利的人，当你需要他们的时候，他们会在你身边，随时可以依靠，反之亦然。他们会鼓励你，支持你，不嫉妒也不吝啬，而是真心地爱你，关心你，只想给你最好的。如果幸运的话，你只会有少数这样的朋友，他们是你一生中最真诚和最亲密的朋友。
There will be those who are acquaintances, people you see rarely, but you know them well enough to share a coffee with them, or share an activity with, but not much more beyond that. We all have them, but they won't ever be best friends, but they can become friends.
你会遇到其他的朋友，他们和你有共同的爱好，可能会和你一起打保龄球，和你的孩子一起玩，是邻居，同事，或者和你一起参加某些社交活动。他们会很好地与大家分享这些活动，一起玩，一起大笑，但他们只是朋友。当你真正需要他们的时候，他们不一定会在你身边，也不一定会足够值得信赖，甚至不一定会把你的利益放在心上，但他们会在你的生活中有一个目标，成为你的朋友。
有些人是熟人，你很少见到他们，但你很了解他们，可以和他们一起喝杯咖啡，或一起参加一个活动，但仅此而已。我们都有这样的朋友，但他们永远不会成为最好的朋友，但他们可以成为朋友。
Now, if you're always looking to help this type of person, then that can be a sign that you are needing some sort of validation or acceptance in your life, or that you're insecure, a people pleaser, and have boundary issues, all of which is not good. Once you've had true friends, best friends, you'll understand and see the difference of what I'm talking about. Until then, just stay away from these so called fair weather friends, and instead, find yourself some new ones. Hopefully by doing so, one of these people may become your next true and best friend, and that will be a good start.
然后有些人会在你的生活中很快地出现和消失，一旦你意识到他们就是这样。这些人是索取者，他们只有在他们想要或需要什么东西的时候才会来找你，但却永远无法为你所用，或者看到它的不平衡。有些人甚至可能永远处于危机之中，他们的生活总是在混乱中，总是需要救助或帮助，而这大部分都是他们自己导致的。最好的办法是及早发现他们，然后尽快将他们从你的生活中剔除。这听起来可能很残酷，但一旦你被充分利用，受到足够的伤害，感受到这种关系的片面性，你就会更好地理解。
现在，如果你总是想要帮助这类人，那么这可能是一个迹象，表明你的生活中需要某种认可或接受，或者你缺乏安全感，喜欢讨好别人，有边界问题，这一切都不好。一旦你有了真正的朋友，最好的朋友，你就会明白我所说的不同之处。在那之前，离这些所谓的酒肉朋友远点，相反，去找一些新的朋友。希望通过这样做，这些人中的一个会成为你下一个真正最好的朋友，这将是一个好的开始。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
IMHO…this is a very good question because many times that “friend” who only contacts you when they need a favor has ulterior motives/feelings about this matter.
It is my opinion many people who do this do so out of internal inadequacies of some sort, be it lack of esteem (…the only way they feel valued is by having someone do something for them), fear (…can’t do it on their own for some reason)…and yes some are on the hustle…which is an inadequacy in it’s own right.
Personally, I limit them to three favors during a period of time unless they have a tendency to pay a favor back. Sometimes there are people who just need help getting over the hump of life and when you help them you elevate them a bit more to see the other side.
恕我直言，这是一个非常好的问题，因为很多时候，那些只在需要帮助时才联系你的“朋友”是别有用心的。
我认为许多人这样做是出于某种内在缺陷，可能是缺乏自尊（他们感到被重视的唯一方式是让别人为他们做些什么），恐惧（出于某种原因他们自己做不到）是的，有些人在忙碌，这本身就是一个不足之处。
就个人而言，一段时间内我将限制只提供三个人情，除非他们有回报人情的倾向。有时候，有些人只是需要帮助才能度过人生的坎坷，当你帮助他们时，你会让他们更上一层楼，看到生活的另一面。
I give it to them. But, I remain aware they will disappear as soon as they get what they want.
I do not get invested in them, nor do I go out of my way to assist. I give ‘what I can afford to lose’ and place zero expectations on them.
Sometimes I will muse,
“I haven't heard from B for a while, how come? ”
“Because they don't need anything.”
”Oh well, that is good for both of us.”
I laugh, and move on. Until they come calling again. However, if this trend continues for too long, they are astonished to find “We are closed”.
No more freebies.
我会帮助他们。 但是，我很清楚，一旦他们得到他们想要的东西，他们就会消失。
我不会在他们身上投资，也不会特意去帮助他们。我给出“我能承受的损失”，我对他们没有任何期望。
有时我会想：
“好久没有B的消息了，怎么回事？ ”
“因为他们不需要任何东西。”
“哦，那对我们俩都有好处。”
我笑了，然后继续生活。直到他们再次呼唤我。然而，如果这种趋势持续太久，他们会惊讶地发现“我们关门了”。
没有免费赠品了。
There is no such friends called friends for life or true friends
Just for this time they r friends
After just 5 yrs u won't be talking to each other
Life is just career and money and family
没有所谓的终身朋友或真正的朋友
这一次，他们成为了朋友
仅仅 5 年后，你们将无话可说
生活只是事业、金钱和家庭。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Most of the people are like that
To understand this I took so many years
So u should know where to keep these kind of people
There very rarely few people who r really good by heart and help people independently
I was one of those ……not anymore
I see the person's character before and then help, if they are worth and selfless
I found good people either on the path
But most of them r shit
Dont take calls from these kind people ,they r waste of time and they r just distractions
AVOID AVOID AVOID
U can give any reason andavaoid them
大多数人都是这样的
我花了很多年才明白这一点
所以你应该知道把这些人放在哪里
很少有人能真正用心去帮助别人
我曾经是其中之一，现在不再是了
我先看人的性格然后才会提供帮助，如果他们是值得的和无私的
我也遇到了好人
但他们中的大多数都是狗屎
不要接这些好心人的电话，他们是在浪费时间，他们只是分散你的注意力
避开这些人
你可以给出任何理由并避免他们。
How do you deal with people who only contact you when they need a favor?
That’s easy. If someone only contacts you when they need a favor, then you definitely know what that person’s about.
When their number lights up on your phone, you can safely think, “They need something.”
And then you can decide whether or not you feel like giving them something.
Or if you need to answer the phone at all.
你如何应对那些只在需要帮助时才联系你的人？
这很简单。 如果某人只在需要帮助时才与你联系，那么你肯定知道那个人的目的。
当他们的电话号码在你的手机上亮起时，你可以放心地想：“他们需要一些东西。”
然后你可以决定你是否想给他们一些东西。
或者你是否有必要接听他的电话。
Ask them for favors to balance it out.
If they say no, use the fact they rejected your requests as an excuse to reject theirs.
你向他们寻求帮助来平衡。
如果他们说不，那就用他们拒绝你的请求作为拒绝他们请求的借口。
You have to learn the two magic words, “fuck you”. Look that might be too advanced for you, but you can call them out on it, next time they ask you for something just say “hey I noticed you always call me when you need something, but I will go ahead and do it this time”. I worded it that way because you may not be mentally strong enough to say no at the moment, so it takes the pressure off you, but if you are strong enough just call them out on it and say no. If they continue this behaviour stop fucking with them, or at least avoid there calls. You eventually have to work your way up to the magic words though “fuck you”, and believe it or not you can get so good at it that many will continue to be your friend afterwards, and even respect you more.
你得学会这个神奇的词，“QNMD”。这可能对你来说太高级了，但是你可以告诉他们，下次他们向你要东西的时候，你只要说:“嘿，我注意到你总是在你需要东西的时候打电话给我，但这次我会继续帮助你。”
我之所以这么说，是因为此时此刻你的内心可能还没有强大到说“不”的地步，所以这可以减轻你的压力，但如果你足够强大，那就大声说“不”吧。如果他们继续这种行为，就不要再惹他们了，或者至少不要打电话给他们。你最终必须努力达到熟练说“QNMD”这一神奇的词，信不信由你，你在这方面做得非常好，以至于很多人以后会继续做你的朋友，甚至会更加尊重你。
I had a “friend” like that. She isn’t a friend any more.
People who always need a favor aren’t friends; they are users. They have a repertoire of accommodating persons who will give them whatever they happen to be in need of, whether it be a free meal, a place to crash overnight, or a ride to somewhere.
When people get behind in the favor department—in other words, they take but never give back—your best bet is to simply cut all ties with them. Such people aren’t interested in friendship. They only want what you can give them.
我曾经有一个这样的“朋友”。现在她不再是我的朋友了。
总是需要帮助的人不是朋友; 他们是用户。 他们有一系列的接待人员，他们会为他们提供任何他们碰巧需要的东西，无论是免费的一顿饭，一个过夜的地方，还是乘车去某个地方。
换句话说，当人们在人情方面落后时，他们只会索取而不会回报。你最好的办法就是与他们断绝关系。这样的人对友谊不感兴趣。他们只想从你这里搞点东西。