人类vs老虎，生存机会有多大？

J Robert Post, 脾气暴躁的隐士，建议酌情听信。

J Robert Post, Curmudgeonly hermit. Viewer discretion is advised.

让我们回到我的19岁。我身高6英尺2英寸（约188厘米），体重185磅（约84公斤），而且在海军服役，身体状况很好。有一天，我和一个朋友去一个名叫Royboy的人那里纹身。几年前Royboy因为一些健康问题去世了，但当时我找了他纹身。他是一位非常有名的纹身艺术家，他还养了一些老虎做宠物。

Back when I was 19, I was 6'-2", 185 pounds, in the Navy, and in pretty good shape. One day, a friend and I went to go get tattooed by a man who was known as Royboy. Royboy passed away several years ago due to some health issues, but at the time I got my tattoo from him he was pretty famous as a tattoo artist. He also kept tigers as pets.

Royboy给我纹身，而他的同事给我朋友纹。他先完成了我的，所以我去等候区等朋友完事。我拿起一本杂志，全神贯注地阅读。正当我看书时，我察觉到了一股气息，闻起来像某种动物。我放下杂志，却看见一只成年老虎站在面前。

Royboy did my tattoo while one of his associates did my friend’s. He finished with mine first so I went to the waiting area to wait for my friend. I picked up a magazine and became engrossed in an article. As I was reading, I became aware of a smell. It smelled like an animal. I put my magazine down only to be confronted by an adult tiger.

我从来没有在这么近的距离观看过老虎，但现在正有一只站在我面前。这个家伙简直巨大。它的头大得离谱。它的爪子有餐盘那么大，当它张开巨嘴时，我脑子里一片空白，只注意到那三英寸（约7.6厘米）长的獠牙。Royboy把老虎带出来给我参观，一开始我觉得很酷。

I had never seen one up close, but now one was standing right in front of me. This thing was huge. His head was enormous. His paws were the size of dinner plates, and when he opened his giant mouth, the 3 inch long fangs were the only things my mind let me focus on. Royboy had brought him out for me to see: initially, I thought that was pretty cool.

突然之间，老虎伸出一只爪子，一把抓住我的腿，猛地把我从椅子上一拉。我刚摔在地板上，它就开始用爪子拍打我，就像一只猫在玩弄老鼠一样。我被反复殴打但毫无还手之力。然后它开始顽皮地咬我——情况有点不妙。虽说老虎只是在玩耍，但那些大牙和强有力的下颚却是个严重的威胁。Royboy跳了过来，把老虎从我身上拉开，然后放了回去。

Then, suddenly, the tiger reached up with one paw, grabbed my leg, and violently jerked me out of my chair. Once I was on the floor, he began batting me around with his paws like a housecat playing with a mouse. I was getting battered back and forth and there was nothing I could do about it. Then, he began playfully biting me—the situation was no longer cool. Even though it was play, those big teeth and powerful jaws were a serious danger. Royboy jumped in, pulled the tiger off me, and put him back away.

对那只老虎来说，我只是随它玩弄的布娃娃，它几乎没有在游戏中投入多少精力。我没有任何办法阻止它。如果那只大猫决定杀了我，我都没有时间去反应我有多么操蛋。
手无寸铁的人没有任何机会对抗老虎。它们太强大了，太快了，而且它们毫不介意你可能拥有的任何战斗招式。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

To that tiger I was just a rag doll he was playing with, hardly putting much effort into the game, and if I’d wanted to stop him there wasn't anything I could have done about it. Had that cat decided to kill me, I wouldn't have had the time to realize just how fucked I was.
An unarmed man doesn't stand a chance against a tiger. They are much too powerful, fast, and unimpressed by any sort of fighting style you may have.

Daniel Li，人类版的好奇乔治

Daniel Li, Human version of curious George

看看这个。

Look at it.

这头雄伟的野兽代表着重500磅（约227公斤）的纯粹死亡化身。它有3英寸（约7.6厘米）长的犬齿、4英寸（约10厘米）长的爪子，以及打倒一头该死的美洲野牛的力量！更别提速度了。说到速度，有个词叫做“像猫一样反应敏捷”，这是有原因的。没有人能够从老虎口中活下来。
哪怕是处于巅峰时期的亚历山大·卡瑞林（可以说是历史上最优秀的摔跤手之一）去与这个怪物对抗，他仍然不是对手。是的，卡瑞林可以做出牢不可破的后骑乘动作，但这种摔跤技术旨在用于人类身上。一只老虎会跑到卡瑞林身边，在他说“该死”前用它有力的下巴咬断他的脖子。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

This majestic beast is 500 pounds of pure death. It has 3 inch long canine teeth, 4 inch long claws, and the strength to take down a freakin buffalo! Not to mention speed. Oh the speed. There is a reason the term is called “cat like reflexes”. There is NO chance anyone would survive.
Even if Aleksandr Karelin in his prime (arguably one of the best wrestlers in history) were placed against this monster, he would still be no match. Yes Karelin can perform an unbreakable rear mount, but this wresting technique is designed to be used on HUMANS. A tiger would just run up to Karelin, and snap his neck with its powerful jaws all before he could say “ohooiet'” (HOLY F**K!!!).

Bradley Eversley，机械工程就是生命

Bradley Eversley, Mechanical Engineering is life

让我们换个角度看：
考虑到你的力气、爆发力、速度、体重与老虎的比例，这场决斗约等于你和一个4岁的小朋友一起走进MMA的角斗笼。让你和那个蹒跚学步的孩子打100场比赛，假设你们俩都全力以赴、竭尽所能，你能赢多少次？

Look at it from this angle:
If you think about the ratio of your strength, power, speed, and weight to that of a tiger, you’d be looking at you getting into an MMA cage with a 4 year toddler. Out of 100 fights with you and that toddler, assuming both of you go all out on each other, brute force, how many times would you come out the victor?

很显然你知道你获胜的几率有多么巨大。即使你卧床不起、身体虚弱、两天没睡觉，你仍然可以轻松地与蹒跚学步的孩子战斗并获胜。现在把你的角色替换为老虎，而你就是那个蹒跚学步的孩子！老虎不需要什么战术或者知道杠杆原理、格斗技术，它有的只是肌肉和牙齿，还有牙齿后面更多的肌肉。老虎的躯体实际上是为了消灭比你体型大3倍的动物而生的。你连你那些动物都拿不下，更不用说能把它们撕成碎片的老虎了。

That’s the odds you’re looking at here. Even if you’re bed-ridden, weak, and haven’t slept in 2 days, you’d still be able to easily fight a toddler and win. Now switch the roles of the Tiger being you, and you being the toddler! A tiger doesn’t need to know tactics or leverage, technique, etc. All it has are muscles and teeth, and muscles behind those teeth. Tigers are literally built to take down animals 3x your size. Animals that you couldn’t even take down, much less the tiger ripping it to shreds.

接下来我们看看这个。老虎以 40 英里/小时（约64千米/小时）的速度冲向你，你凭借如同少林武僧的超群反应，完美把握时机，奇迹般地用你的手臂钩住了老虎的脖子。为了宝贵的性命，你从后面用尽全身力气抓着它的脖子尝试裸绞……然后发现并没有任何作用。老虎的动作空前凶狠有力，加上它的肌肉极其密集，基本就像石头一样坚硬，你甚至无法用力挤压更别说让它窒息了。还有老虎难以置信的柔韧性，会让你在刚捉住他脖子的几秒钟内失去抓地力。不需要多久，你就会再次和它面对面瞪眼。下一秒，你的脸就没了。

Now get this. Even if a tiger was sprinting towards you at 40mph, and by some miracle you timed it perfectly with your Shaolin Monk reflexes and hooked your arms around the tiger’s neck, grasping it from the back in a headlock and holding on for dear life with Herculean strength…it wouldn’t matter. The unprecedented amount of bucking and fierce, powerful maneuvers from the tiger, alongside it’s dense muscles you can’t even squeeze into to choke it because they basically feel like stone, coupled with the tiger’s incredible flexibility, will have you losing your relatively weak grip within seconds of grabbing on. Soon enough, you’ll be staring in it’s face again. And the next second after, you won’t have a face.

退一万步说，想杀死一只老虎，你可以装备一把猎刀，让你的成功机会增加至少5%。通过极其精准、时机完美的刺击去进攻老虎喉咙或头骨或许会让你取得胜利。但是话又说回来，就算你把刀插进老虎的喉咙，它可能还能再战斗几秒钟。在这种情况下，你的头骨仍然可能在老虎生命的最后几秒钟内裂开。

At the VERY least, to kill a tiger, you can increase your chances by at least 5% with a hunting knife. A perfectly timed and accurate, powerful stab to the throat or skull might get you a victory. But then again, a tiger may still fight even a for a few more seconds after you’ve jammed a knife in it’s throat, in which case you still may get your skull split open in the last few seconds of the tiger’s life.

对老虎而言，人类是很容易杀死的动物。当你瘫在床上、沙发上或精心挑选的舒适座椅上阅读这段文字时，一只老​​虎正在野外某处猎杀一头水牛。一头1,400磅（约635公斤）的水牛。一千四百磅的水牛！！！
有必要理解这个：人类为了大脑放弃了肌肉力量，而现在我们主宰了地球。我们能统治地球的唯一原因，是我们的聪明才智且富有创造力。没能主宰地球的动物，其智商和创造力与人类相比呈指数级下降。但当獠牙已经在你脸上的时候你不可能想到办法逃脱。我们统治地球是因为我们懂得做计划。事情就是这么简短生硬。但是如果我给你72个小时的时间，让你能选择任何方式与老虎战斗，没有规则限制，那么大约98%的老虎都会死。如果时间只有72秒，你就死定了。全剧终。

Humans are easy things to kill for tigers. While you are reading this on your bed or couch, or comfort seat of choice, a tiger is somewhere in the wild taking down a buffalo. A 1,400 lb buffalo. A ONE THOUSAND FOUR HUNDRED POUND BUFFALO.
Understand, humans gave up our brawn for brains, and now we dominate Earth. The only reason we dominate Earth, is because we are smart and creative. Animals who do not dominate the Earth, are exponentially less smart and creative. But you can’t think your way out of a tooth to the face. We dominate because we can plan. Sorry for the short and blunt sentences. But if I gave you 72 hours to prepare for a fight with a tiger in any way you choose, no boundaries, there’s about a 98% that tiger is going to die. But if I gave you 72 seconds, you’re dead. End of story.

人类甚至不能轻易地杀死另一个人。在对抗同样具有聪明才智和创造力的人时，我们必须制造像火枪、刀、剑和核武器这样的武器以去获得战术优势。老虎的智商不够，但它的身体素质弥补了这一点。这就是我真正要说的：人和老虎之间不存在战斗。