你希望自己在30多岁时知道什么(下)
What do you wish you knew in your 30s?
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网友：再过几个星期，我就90岁了;当我30岁的时候，我几乎做了我想做的一切;事实上，在我30岁的时候，我所能做的远远超过我所知道的;但在我30多岁的时候，我受到了这些影响：其他人所做的事情和会假设如果其他同龄人做了我想做的事情，并且不知为啥比我做的更好......
正文翻译
What do you wish you knew in your 30s?
你希望自己在30多岁时知道什么?
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斯坦·海沃德，前电影/电视编剧
I have done almost everything I wanted to do when I was 30
in fact, far more than I knew I could do when I was 30
but in my 30’s I was influenced by what others were doing and assumed that if others of my age had done something I wanted to do, then they were somehow better than me
I saw myself in terms of what I hadn’t done as against what I had done
I set New Year resolutions of what I intended to do and presumed I could do
Needless to say, I never achieved them and stopped writing them
I exchanged those for monthly resolutions, and then weekly resolutions, and finally, daily ones
So, I ended up starting each day saying ‘What can I do today that is necessary for my survival or gives me some satisfaction’
I had eliminated the outside world
by now I would have done almost everything that I wanted to do and far more than I knew I could do
再过几个星期，我就90岁了;
当我30岁的时候，我几乎做了我想做的一切;
事实上，在我30岁的时候，我所能做的远远超过我所知道的;
但在我30多岁的时候，我受到了这些影响：其他人所做的事情和会假设如果其他同龄人做了我想做的事情，并且不知为啥比我做的更好。
我把我没有做过的事和我做过的事相比较；
我定下新年决心，我打算做什么，并假设我能做什么；
不用说，我从未实现过这些目标，也停止了写作；
我把这些计划换成了每月计划，然后是每周计划，最后是每日计划；
所以，我每天开始都会说‘我今天能做些什么，这对我的生存是必要的，还是给我一些满足感呢？’
我已经不再考虑外届因素。
到现在为止，我几乎已经完成了所有我想做的事情，而且远比我知道我能做到的要多。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Emily Alp，威斯康辛大学麦迪逊分校科学新闻与国际发展专业学士学位（2005）
That nobody can possibly take care of you as well as you can take care of yourself … they can help you do it, but you must be 100 percent in the lead about it.
That someone’s interest in me is not as important as my interest in them … and that my interest is not based on what I should be interested in so much as what I am genuinely, deeply interested in.
Life’s too short to be shy about what you really think, when it really counts.
That people have a higher self and not everyone lives from there. You can see it, but that doesn’t mean they choose to act out of it. So if they don’t act out of it, and you do, you’ll suffer trying to yank them up. You will get drained. So when you feel drained, see it as levels and that they are stuck in the first and second levels of existence—raw tit-for-tat living. Let it go and find dynamic souls to connect with.
That my gut never, ever lies.
想象别人对你的看法是一个糟糕的习惯。
没有人能像你能照顾自己一样照顾你，他人是可以帮助你做到这一点，但你自己必须完全投入。
某人对我的兴趣不如我对他们的兴趣重要，我的兴趣不是基于我应该对什么感兴趣，而是基于我真正、深深地感兴趣的东西。
人生苦短，不要在重要的时候，羞于说出你的真实想法
人们有一个更高的自我，但不是每个人都生活在那里。你可以看到，但这并不意味着他们会选择这样做。所以，如果他们不采取行动，而你这样做了，你试图猛拉他们一把的时候是会遭受痛苦的。你会筋疲力尽的。所以，当你感到精疲力竭时，把它看作是一个层次，它们被困在存在的第一和第二层次并针锋相对的活着。让它去吧，找到充满活力的灵魂与之相连。
我的直觉永远不会说谎。
乔治·汤普森（George Thompson），从每天的扯淡状态中解脱出来（2011年至今）
我倾听和阅读像我这个年纪的人的评论，许多人说他们没有遗憾，你也无法让时光倒流。事实是我确实对我生命中的许多事情和事例感到遗憾。事实上，并不意味着活着暗示不快乐。我曾经爱过，被爱过，有可爱的孩子和兄弟姐妹，回顾我的30多岁，我希望我能更多地欣赏生活中简单的事情。我希望我能更善于倾听，而不是喋喋不休。我希望我能少一点自私，少一点野心，因为那样会使我对所爱的人的感情视而不见，对生活中重要的事情视而不见。家人和朋友很重要，那些无足轻重的人也很重要，但当我在爬梯子的时候，只有我重要。由于我的自私任性，我与女人和朋友的关系破碎了，我感谢我的幸运之星，让我今天还活着，让我意识到当一个白痴是多么的愚蠢，我也感谢现在围绕着我的爱。我是否值得只有别人可以评判，但生活一直是起起伏伏的过山车状态，的确有很多遗憾，但也有很多美好的回忆。我照镜子时看到的是一个老傻瓜，嘲笑自己，所以至少生活给了我一些值得微笑的东西。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Ugur Akinci, 长寿，犯过错误并从中吸取教训。
People never ever change because you present them with a better argument or better facts.
So how do we change?
我希望在我30多岁的时候，我知道一个非常简单的事实，那将为我节省大量的时间、金钱、精力和人际关系：
人们永远不会因为你给他们提供了更好的论据或更好的事实而改变。
那么我们如何改变呢？
“A better argument” is something we pretend we are listening to while preparing our smashing comeback answer :-)
我们通常不会改变，我也不会对这件事冷嘲热讽。我只是在说一个统计事实。有些人会改变，但很少。通常人们在青少年时期就形成了自己的信仰、想法、恐惧和欲望。高中是一个大量精神创伤和伟大的梦想被记录在我们大脑边缘系统深处的时期，剩下的只是那些精神创伤、梦想和某些强迫意念带来的有关问题。“一个更好的论点”是我们在准备反驳时假装在听的话。
We flatter ourselves constantly believing that we are changing peoples’ minds by making a better argument or presenting better facts. But there are so many HIDDEN VARIABLES in peoples’ lives. All of those variables, circumstances, secrets, traumas, greedy plans and evil intentions, are NOT transparent to us — and for a good reason too. Can you imagine having access 24–7 to all that basement stuff in everyone we meet and greet? It would be such an assault on our central nervous system that our heads would explode before we even got to our car in the driveway.
The best thing a thoughtful, considerate, loving person can do is to provide the safe and trusting environment in which a person may relax and find the courage to change according to his or her own reasons. But as I approach 70 fast, I know that I can never take credit for the kind of changes that offer a new life, a new way of thinking and feeling to another person.
Direct approach, that is, the “open your mouth and I’ll first pull out that rotten tooth and then drop golden manna into your system” method never works. And I wish I knew that when I was in my 30s (sigh…) That lesson should be a part of all school curriculum in all school districts across the land.
当我们改变时，我们改变的原因与其他人的“更好的论据”或“清晰的规范化的相关数据库”无关
我们总是自以为是地认为，我们正在通过提出更好的论点或陈述更好的事实来改变人们的想法。但是在人们的生活中有很多隐藏的变数。所有这些变数、环境、秘密、精神创伤、贪婪的计划和邪恶的意图对我们来说都是不透明的—这也是有原因的。你能想象一下能接触到在我们遇到和问候的每个人内心深处的涉及一个星期的所有东西吗？这会对我们的中枢神经系统造成非常严重的伤害，甚至在我们上到位于车道上的汽车里面前，我们的头部都会爆炸。
一个体贴、考虑周到、有爱心的人所能做的最好的事情就是提供一个安全和信任的环境，在这个环境中，一个人可以放松，并有勇气根据自己的理由去改变。但当我快到70岁的时候，我知道，我永远没有因给另一个人带去新生活、新的思考方式和新感受的那种改变而受到赞扬。
直接的方法，即“张开你的嘴，我先拔掉那颗烂牙，然后把极好的精神食粮滴进你的系统”的方法是行不通的。我希望我在30多岁的时候就知道这一点(叹气……)这一课应该成为全国所有学校课程的一部分。。
阿兰娜·格林纳达，文科硕士在读
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Philosophically I have learned many things. It is okay to simply say no without providing a reason. It truly isn't necessary. I feel to have good relationships we need to communicate with specifics. Say how we feel exactly. Say what it is we need from the other person. Say what we want. There is nothing wrong with sharing these things with your partner or other loved ones. It really helps the relationship. The more open the relationship, the happier you will be.
Financially I often struggle with. I find value in experiences. I don't have fancy things or luxury items (except my phone) but I do spend money on experiences such as travel. I understand how important it is to save and I'm terrible at it. It is important.
这是一个非常古老的问题，但不管是否引起了我自己的思考，我还是回答它。我刚刚40多岁，当我回顾我过去的十年时，我可以说在我的30多岁时真的很享受。到目前为止，我的40多岁也过得很好。
从哲学上讲，我学到了很多东西。不提供理由就简单地说“不”是可以的，这真的没有必要。我觉得要建立良好的关系，我们需要具体沟通。准确地说出我们的感受。说出我们需要从对方那里得到什么。说我们想要的。与你的伴侣或其他爱人分享这些东西没有什么错。这真的有助于我们的关系。关系越开放，你就会越快乐。
我经常因财务问题而挣扎。我觉得经历很有价值。我没追求啥新奇的东西或奢侈品（除了我的手机），但我确实在旅行方面花了不少钱。我明白储蓄的重要性，但我在这方面做得很糟糕，储蓄很重要。
鲍勃·尼古拉斯，呼吸护理从业者
What I wish I knew in my 30′s is get by with the least expensive thing you can buy. But the least expensive house in the best neighborhood you can afford. Dont ever use credit cards. Dont complain to anyone . If you are feeling something it usually has a sliver of validity and you shouldn’t ignore it. Do what you enjoy most always. You want to play the trumpet do it. You want an El Camino get it some how. Take vacation.
我很早就意识到没有人在看我做什么。人们想当然地认为你不说谎，因此你可以让人们以你想要的方式去感知你。直到35岁我才意识到这一点，也不知道该怎么做。然后我意识到别人怎么想并不重要。我所有的努力都要花在我自己和我关心的人身上。我对其他人都很好，但我不会像我年轻时那样为他们出谋划策。当我年轻的时候，我浪费了很多时间去帮助别人，让每个人都开心。我相信上帝和我在一起是幸福的，但都被浪费在肤浅而忘恩负义的人身上的。很抱歉我这样做并不是为了得到什么，但我没想到他们永远不会帮助我。
我希望我在30多岁的时候知道的是，用你能买到的最便宜的东西过日子。而且最好的社区里最便宜的房子是你能负担得起的，不要使用信用卡。不要向任何人抱怨。如果你有某种感觉，它通常有一点正确性，你不应该忽视它。总是做你最喜欢的事情：你想吹小号就吹吧。你想要一辆埃尔卡米诺，那就搞一辆开去旅行吧。
When I was in my 30s both of my parents were still alive. I had 2 kids and worked full time so I had little time, and the time I had I wanted to spend with the kids. So what I wish I knew then is that once my parents are gone and the kids are grown and being retired, I now have the time to think about all of the unanswered questions I have about my parents life. You see, they both came from Germany during WW2, my father was part Jewish and went underground through 7 countries to escape persecution. My mother was Christian but was a young girl and 20 years old taking care of her 10 year old sister alone when the Americans came and took everything she had. She and her sister could not get food but when she met my Dad he helped her because the food rations were given to the Jewish survivors. I learned this little bit from my Dad after my Mom passed when I was 35. My Dad however never told me anything nor did I ask about anything about him. I wish I could have asked how it was when they came to the U.S. with my then 4 year old and 6 week old brothers. Where did they stay? How did they learn English? Did they experience racism plus so many more questions. I miss them and can’t even imagine how they did it. I wish I would have spent more time with my parents just to ask about their lives before me.
当我30多岁的时候，我的父母都还活着。我全职工作，有两个孩子，所以我几乎没有时间，但我却想和孩子们在一起。因此，我希望我当时就知道关于我父母生活的情况，这些问题一直悬而未决，尽管现在因孩子大了，退休而有时间思考但是父母已不在，他们都是二战期间从德国来的，我父亲有一部分犹太人血统，为了躲避迫害，他转入地下，辗转7个国家。我的母亲是基督徒，但她是一个20岁的年轻女孩，在美国人来带走她所有的一切时独自照顾她10岁的妹妹。她和她的妹妹无法获得食物，直到她遇到我父亲，父亲帮助了她，因为食物配给给了犹太幸存者。在我35岁的时候妈妈去世后，我从爸爸那里了解到这一点。然而，我父亲从来没有告诉我其他任何事情，我也没有问过任何关于他的事情。我真希望我能问一下他们带着当时已经4岁和6周大的兄弟来到美国时情况如何。他们住在哪里？他们是怎么学英语的？他们是否经历过种族歧视，以及更多的问题。我想念他们，甚至无法想象他们是怎么做到的。我希望我能花更多的时间和我的父母在一起，问问他们在有我之前的生活。
3 things…
All human beings are not built for marriage and the American dream. Don’t believe you have to get married and have kids to be successful.
Infatuation and love are two very different things. Sex does not equal love.
Keep playing with Legos. Don’t let the right brain dominate the kid portion of your personality.
三件事：
并非所有人都是为婚姻和美国梦而生的。不要相信你必须结婚生子才能成功。
迷恋和爱情是两件截然不同的事情，性不等于爱。
保持玩乐高积木，不要让右脑支配你性格中孩子气的部分
大卫·菲利普斯，历史/地理与心理学学士
Don’t worry so much, relax and have fun. If a good woman comes along who loves you, don’t hesitate. 35 was the best year. Old enough to have some wisdom, young enough to still do it all.
Don’t be shy or insecure.I look back at my 35 year old self and I would give a lot to be that sharp mentally, be that fit and strong.
Appreciate what you have, don’t take anything for granted. I often think of my mother who passed nearly 20 years ago and what she did or me.
远离债务，永远确定存在一个财务缓冲。将定期储蓄投入绩优股票实现增值，拆分并提高股息。在我20多岁的时候，我的一个朋友告诉我，他是加拿大一家银行的退休副总裁，我没有听进去—当时太愚蠢了。
别那么担心，放松，玩得开心。如果一个爱你的好女人出现了，不要犹豫，35岁是最好的一年，年纪大到有点智慧，年纪小到还能做所有的事。
不要害羞或缺乏安全感。回首35岁时的自己，我愿意付出很多代价，让自己精神敏捷，保持健康和强壮。
珍惜你所拥有的，不要把任何事情视为理所当然。我经常想起20年前去世的母亲，想起她做了什么，想起我做了什么
Niko Stolwijk, 奈梅亨大学计算机科学与计算机编程理学硕士(1984年)
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Invest when you are young. When you are older it will cost you much more to reach at the same amount!!
如果我在一个好的投资基金里投资10000欧元，然后一直留到退休，我就能过上奢华的生活。因为即使我们经历了所有的金融危机，我也会得到超过10倍的回报。
趁年轻投资。当你长大了，你就将花费更多的钱才达到同样的数额!
I am 62 and wish I had known to save more for retirement. I wish I had known to hold my son more, because I would lose him too soon. I wish I had known that my mom would become incapacitated. I wish I had known that my dad was proud of me. I wish I had known about being able to get a master's degree without a large output of money. I wish I had known that my former husband needed me as much as my son and I needed him.
But I didn't know those things, and most individuals do the best they can with the hand they're dealt. One of the things I learned in my thirties is to cherish people more than money. I learned it's better to love than hate. I learned to be stronger. I learned that I can give people the gift of kindness.
Concentrate on today. Live life without regrets. Be kinder and gentler. Love your children. Give them lots of hugs.
Be kind to your parents, especially if they were not kind to you, but don't put up with any abuses.
我已经62岁了，希望我早知道要为退休存更多的钱。我希望我早知道要多抱抱我的儿子，因为我很快就会失去他。我真希望我知道我妈妈会有动不了的一天。我希望我知道我爸爸是为我感到骄傲的。我希望我早就知道不用花很多钱就能获得硕士学位。我真希望我知道我的前夫和我的儿子一样需要我，我也需要他。
但我不知道这些事情，大多数人是尽力而为。我在30多岁时学到的一件事就是珍惜人甚于珍惜金钱。我明白了爱比恨好，我学会了坚强。我明白了我可以给别人善良作为礼物。
专注于今天，过无悔的生活。要更善良、更温柔。爱你的孩子，多给他们拥抱。
善待你的父母，尤其是他们对你不好的时候，但不要容忍任何虐待。
罗德·斯奈德，前运营经理（1978-2015）
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
When we are young we think of our lives as kind of a permanent thing. We know we will die but that knowledge doesn’t really inform our everyday actions. When we get older and start to experience the real effects of aging death becomes much more real and palpable.
Paradoxically, the reality of how little time we have should free us to do what we want. I remember a line from a movie that was something like “when you kill a man you take away everything he has and everything he will ever have”. This happens to us all sooner or later. So maybe a better way to say it is “seize the day”. It sounds trite but it’s not easy to do. It takes a lot of courage, for some reason. So maybe what I really wish I’d known in my 30’s is how to find that courage.
这里有很多不错的答案。我不认为存在一个重要的教训会适用于所有人，因为我们每个人都过着不同的生活，犯过不同的错误。对我来说，我希望自己能在30多岁时学到的最重要的一点是：什么时候都不晚。在我的一生中，有很多次我都没有选择去做一些我认为可以让我的生活变得更好或更有趣的事情，因为在那个特定的年龄，我觉得重新开始已经太晚了。（或者我只是害怕）。
当我们年轻的时候，我们认为我们的生活是永恒的。我们知道自己会死，但这种认识并没有真正指导我们的日常行为。当我们变老并开始体验衰老的真正影响时，死亡变得更加真实和可触。
自相矛盾的是，我们拥有的时间是如此之少的现实应该让我们自由地做我们想做的事情。我记得一部电影中的一句台词是这样的：“当你杀了一个人，你就拿走了他的所有和他将来会拥有的一切。”。这迟早都会发生在我们身上。所以，也许更好的说法是“抓住每一天”。这听起来很老套，但不容易做到。出于某种原因，这需要很大的勇气，所以也许我真正希望的是我在30多岁的时候就知道如何找到勇气。