40岁的感觉如何(二)
How does it feel to turn 40?
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网友：我今年42岁,40岁那年是我一生中最美好的一年。我不会详细说，不然以为是在吹牛，但我可以告诉你从我的角度来看是什么样的。我认为对于一般人来说，这应该是相当不错的。孩子们已经长大了......
正文翻译
How does it feel to turn 40?
40岁的感觉如何?
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Nick Serio，数十年的医疗保险行业经验
For the average person (I think), it should be pretty good. Kids are old enough to not be babies and can fend for themselves, meaning by 40 you probably have kids that are at least in school of some sort and don’t need to be burped or changed and can sleep through the night. That makes your sleep time easier, which was terrible for the first few years.
At 40, you’ve typically been out of school long enough that you have a career or at least enough experience in the working world to have a stable position, earning a good salary and possibly in a leadership role. You probably can afford things that you want - certainly not everything, but scraping by most likely isn’t an issue.
When I turned 40, I learned that my supply of fucks to give became drastically limited.I stopped caring about keeping up with the Jones. Pop culture is no longer targeted toward you; you’re too old you don’t care. It was a transitional time for me to sort of turn into my parents - I have no idea who a lot of pop stars and celebrities are. I’ll see a product, commercial, movie, etc. and do the typical confused, “Who/what was that???” And usually I’ll follow up with, meh, don’t care.
我今年42岁,40岁那年是我一生中最美好的一年。我不会详细说，不然以为是在吹牛，但我可以告诉你从我的角度来看是什么样的。
我认为对于一般人来说，这应该是相当不错的。孩子们已经长大了，不再处于婴儿期，能够自己照顾自己，也就是说，到了40岁，你的孩子可能至少在学校上学，他们不需要你去拍嗝或换衣服，可以睡一整夜。这让你更容易入睡，孩子出生后的那几年是很难熬的。
40岁的时候，通常毕业足够长的时间，以至于至少有一份有足够多的工作经验的职业，或者挣不错的薪水的稳定职位，还可能担任领导角色。你可能买得起你想要的东西—当然不是所有的东西，但勉强凑合不成问题。
当我40岁的时候，我知道性能力也收到极大的限制。我不再关心如何跟上琼斯的步伐了，流行文化不再以你为目标；你老到也不在乎。对我来说，那是我向父母转变的过渡时期—我不知道众多流行歌星和名人的名字。我会看产品、广告、电影等，然后明显感到困惑，“那是谁或者那是什么东东？”通常我会接着说，额，不管它了。
At 40, I dedicated a lot of time to fitness and nutrition. You know people/have friends that have died, are sick and/or on medication; same with parents. Your body doesn’t recover as fast as it once did but I think you also appreciate the machine that it is more. If you’re really lucky, half your life is over…and that’s a bit of a tough pill to swallow.
My tips of being 40+:
你的友谊基础很可能也很稳定。你保留好的友谊关系，摆脱坏的。你知道时间是极其宝贵的，即使逢场作戏也是不值得的。你们真正地生活在一起，一起爱，一起笑。除了和我的妻子/孩子在一起，和朋友在一起才是让我快乐的事。酒吧太吵、太贵、也太拥挤，在40岁的时候，你已经学会了在家喝酒更便宜，而且在家你可以听你想要的音乐，并选择你的同伴。
40岁时，我花了很多时间去健身和了解营养学。你知道有人、朋友已经去世、生病和/或正在服药；父母也一样。你的身体恢复速度不像以前那么快了，但我认为你也会更喜欢这台机器。即使你真的很幸运，你的半生已经结束了，这就像一颗难以下咽的药丸。
对于40岁以上的人，我的建议是:
You are too old for Taco Bell. You’re digestive system and home’s waste management system will thank you to get somewhat real Mexican food.
Tell people you love them - family AND friends. They will not be there one day.
Take care of your body - if it isn’t ideal to you by 40, it probably won’t ever be. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t strive to be comfortable in it. You’re 40, if you’re looking for a mate by then, he/she won’t be perfect either.
Cheers! Feel free to downvote - I don’t give a fuck!
如果你喝酒，要喝好酒/啤酒/让人精神饱满的酒，这比喝下百威更有意义。
你太老了，不适合吃塔可钟（墨西哥快餐品牌名）。你的消化系统和家里的垃圾处理系统会感谢你吃到真正的墨西哥食物。
告诉人们你爱他们：家人和朋友。他们总有一天不会在身边。
照顾好你的身体—如果到了40岁，身体在你看来并不理想，那么它可能一直都不会理想。这并不意味着你不应该努力让自己舒服。你已经40岁了，如果你那时还在寻找伴侣，他/她也不会是完美的。
再见!大家可以随意投反对票，我才无所谓呢!
Physically, or emotional maturity
Physically, still feeling on top of my game, but starting to realize that I wasn't unlimited and that recovery time was important.
Maturity, there was no sign that I've left adolescence. Still true.
生理上或情感上都处于成熟时期
身体上，我仍然感觉自己处于巅峰状态，但我开始意识到我无法一直保持，恢复时间很重要。
成熟，并没有迹象表明我已经离开了青春期。
Turning 40 took remarkably little effort.
I woke up on 29th August, 2014 and it just happened.
It didn’t seem particularly significant, and to be honest, I hadn’t expected it would be. Friends had said that turning 41 is the killer, but I’ve done that since and it was fine.
Age is relative, and coming from a big family, I have lots of relatives. Back in December, I bought my second 90th birthday card: for my youngest grandad. As boring, middle-aged women go, I couldn’t be a luckier one, and if I hadn’t choked up whilst buying that card, I would be a total scumbag.
One of the benefits of having such a family is that there is always someone living life well who is older than you. Much older, in quite a few cases. I have seen with my own eyes relatives getting to 70, 80, 90 without changing as a person. They haven’t morphed into ‘old people’, they are themselves, but old.
I wonder whether that is because, within the family, we have such a vast age range and always have. There’s no narrowing down of that interaction with babies, children, teenagers, young adults, older adults and much older adults. If there is one attribute we all have, regardless of age, is that we all know how to play. Without shame, we grub around on the floor with the little ones, read, draw, play cards and board games, go on the swings and slides at the park and use our imaginations.
40岁几乎不费吹灰之力就来到了。
2014年8月29日醒来，事情就这样发生了。
这似乎不是特别重要，老实说，我没想到会是这样。朋友们说过，41岁是人生的转折点，但我从那以后一切都很好。
年龄是相对的，我来自一个大家庭，有很多亲戚。去年12月，我买了第二张90岁生日贺卡：送给我最小的爷爷。作为一个无趣的中年女性，我是一个非常幸运的人，如果我在买那张卡时没有哽咽的话，我将被认为已经老了。
拥有这样一个家庭的好处之一是，总有比你年长的人生活得很好。在相当多的情况下，要大得多。我亲眼看到亲戚们在70岁、80岁、90岁时都没有法师改变。他们没有变成“老人”，他们就是他们自己，但是年纪大了而已。
我不知道这是不是因为，在家里，我们的年龄跨度很大，而且一直都是这样，而且一直如此。婴儿、儿童、青少年、年轻人、老年人和更老的老年人都能一起互动。如果说我们每个人都有一个特质，不管年龄大小，那就是我们都知道如何一起玩。我们和孩子们在地板上玩耍，阅读、画画、打牌、玩棋类游戏，在公园荡秋千、滑滑梯，发挥我们的想象力的玩，毫不觉得丢脸。
I started going grey at 15 and I’ve been dyeing my hair brown ever since. I don’t actually want to know what colour my hair naturally is now, but having seen the roots when the damn stuff starts growing out, I’d guess that I am completely white-grey haired. On the positive side, going grey was never going to be an ‘OMG I’m old’ moment in my 40’s.
When I look in the mirror, I’m pretty sure I don’t see my actual reflection, despite the mirror being fundamentally indifferent to what I might see. I don’t think it’s the mirror’s fault either: I’ve known my grandads from their mid-forties all the way up to ninety and I don’t see the changes in their appearance that must have occurred. I mean, intellectually, I know they’re ninety and I know that ninety is old and yet I know I don’t really believe it, deep down. One of my aunts, now in her late sixties once said to me that every time she looks in the mirror, she’s surprised not to see a ten year old girl. I think I understand: the internal voice in my head hasn’t changed at all from my first memories as a little girl. Being an adult feels like pretend. Occasionally, when I take the car to the garage, or arrange insurance, or switch to a new mortgage provider, it does seem really adult to say stuff like ‘I’m going to ring the solicitor’. It makes me feel a bit weird.
However, over the last few years, my husband has said to me ‘you look really cross’ or ‘are you angry?’ when I’m not. And I have to tell him that no, that is my actual face, so I know I must look different with age. If my brain wants to double-blind me to that when I look in the mirror, then that’s cool with me.
谜中之秘在于有趣就行，年龄其实无所谓。
我头发在15岁开始变灰，从那时起我就把头发染成棕色。实际上我并不想知道我现在的头发是什么颜色，但是当这些该死的东西开始长出来的时候，我看到了它的根，我猜我的头发完全是灰白色的。从积极的方面来看，即使头发变白永远令我40多岁时感叹“天哪，我老了”。
当我照镜子的时候，我很确定我看到的不是真实的自己。，尽管镜子根本不关心我可能看到什么。我也不认为这是镜子的错：我认识的祖父们，从40多岁一直到90多岁，他们的外表看不出有发生什么变化。我的意思是，从理智上说，我知道他们已经90岁了，也知道90岁已经老了，但我知道我内心深处并不真的相信这一点。我的一位阿姨，现在已经六十多岁了，她曾经对我说，每次她照镜子时，她都会惊讶竟然没有看到一个十岁的女孩。我想我明白了：从小时候的第一次记忆中，我脑海里的内心声音根本没有改变。做一个成年人感觉像是在假装。偶尔，当我把车开到车库，或安排保险，或换到一个新的抵押贷款提供商时，说“我要给律师打电话”这样的话确实看起来很成熟，这让我觉得有点奇怪。
然而，在过去的几年里，在我不生气的时候我丈夫对我说‘你看起来很生气’或者问‘你生气了吗？’。我必须告诉他，不，那是我的真实状态，所以我知道随着年龄的增长，我一定会显得不一样。如果我的大脑想让我在照镜子时对这一点视而不见，那我也不介意。
My grandad has a theory that every person has an optimal age. His was seventy, my dad says sixteen. If I had to choose I’d pick now. I like being a middle-aged woman, as I have the maximum number of relationships to other people. I look like I could be their sister, mother, aunt, niece, daughter, grand-daughter, potentially even grandmother, as I went to school with girls who did become grandmothers in their thirties. Everybody’s really nice to me, out and about, and it makes you feel that you’re approachable, which is lovely. It’s like they are already quite well-disposed to think the best of you.
低照明和低分辨率是中年妇女最好的朋友。
我爷爷有一个理论，每个人都有一个最佳年龄，他的是七十岁，我爸爸说是十六岁。如果我必须选择的话，我就选择现在，我喜欢做一个中年女性，因为我和其他人的身份关系最多。我看起来像是他们的姐姐、母亲、阿姨、侄女、女儿、孙女，甚至可能是祖母，因为我和那些三十多岁的女孩一起上学，她们都成了祖母。四处走动时每个人都对我很好，这让你觉得你很平易近人，这很可爱，就好像他们已经把你想得很好了。
You also get to be a bit eccentric. During the height of the Pokemon Go app, it was tremendous fun to troll teenagers by pretending to spot rare pokemon when out with my kids. I’ve also instituted a gardening policy, as I hate gardening: it’s one of those adult obligations, like replacing a fence or having the boiler serviced, where I really begrudge spending time and/or money on dull. Now, I only garden by fire or axe, which has led to some unfortunate, but nethertheless interesting outcomes.
That’s not to say that life is always easy. My favourite children’s story is ‘The Happy Prince’ by Oscar Wilde and it reads very differently as a child and as an adult. As a child, you think the King is a bit of an idiot for building this high wall so that his son will not see the suffering in the world. As an adult, you think the King is a bit of an idiot for not building it higher. On reflection though, you realise that the child you is right because by not facing up to difficulties, you render yourself, or those you presume to ‘protect’ powerless. How can you know what it is to be happy if you do not know what it is to be sad? Can you live a complete life by only acknowledging the births, marriages, successes, but excusing yourself from the flipside of death, illness and suffering? I don’t think you can, and for that, you have to hold yourself accountable. there’s nobody else that can do that for you. Be brave.
还有一些小小的乐趣，让生活变得有趣。前几天，一位中年妇女开着一辆乏味的掀背车走进停车场，车窗朝下传出来“野兽男孩”的音乐（男子歌唱团体名）。她立刻得到了我的尊敬。
你也会变得有点古怪。在《口袋妖怪GO》游戏的鼎盛时期，当我和孩子们出去玩的时候，假装发现了稀有的口袋妖怪，以此来吸引青少年是一件非常有趣的事情。我还制定了一项园艺政策，因为我讨厌园艺：这是成年人的义务之一，就像换篱笆或修锅炉一样，我真的不愿意在这些无聊的事情上花费时间和/或金钱。现在，我只能用火或斧头来进行园艺工作，这导致了一些不幸但却有趣的结果。
这并不是说生活总是容易的。我最喜欢的儿童故事是奥斯卡·王尔德的《快乐王子》，成年后再读的感觉与儿童时候读它挺不一样的。作为一个孩子，你认为国王是一个有点愚蠢的人，因为他建造了这座高墙，这样他的儿子就不会看到世界上的苦难。作为一个成年人，你认为国王不把它建得更高有点傻。然而，经过反思，你意识到你的孩子是对的，因为不面对困难，你让自己或那些你认为要“保护”的人变得无能。如果你不知道悲伤是什么，你怎么知道快乐是什么？如果你只承认出生、婚姻、成功，却原谅自己的死亡、疾病和痛苦，你能过一个完整的生活吗？我认为你没有，为此，你必须对自己负责。没有其他人可以为你这样做，勇敢点。
This is what I have learnt from those older than me. I’ve seen them do it. I have that example. I have no excuse not to step up because I know how it feels to have those sort of people in my life. The kind that know that, as humans, we want to be known and we want to be understood and how much it means to have that acknowledgement. Therefore I try to be as good as them. I’m not saying I am, but that I try: I want to be good. This is life-long learning.
From my forties, I would offer the following advice:
在这方面，变老并没有什么真正的好处：这是人的机能，而不是年龄。然而，当你四十岁的时候，生活变得困难，你就是那个有责任帮助你爱的人渡过难关的人。
这是我从比我年长的人那里学到的。我见过他们这样做。因先例的存在，我没有理由不站出来，因为我知道生活中有这样的人是什么感觉。这类人知道，作为人类，我们希望被了解，我们希望被理解，拥有这种认知意味着什么。因此，我努力做到和他们一样好。我不是说我是，而是说我努力了：我想做个好人，这需要终身学习。
在四十多岁的时候，我会提出以下建议:
When someone you know is bereaved, write to them. Don’t ever shirk the opportunity to show that you, in some small way, ‘get’ the significance of what has happened to them.
Listen. Really listen. The internet is full of advice on how to look like you’re listening - eye contact, body language, repeating words - but like a smile, it can’t be faked. Why would you anyway? Aren’t their words of value? I know that I have a tendency to mentally start to cut and paste a response before they’ve finished speaking. That’s not listening.
Make sure you engage with people of all ages and backgrounds all your life. Otherwise, you’ll be reliant on what the media tells you about children these days or standards in education or the ‘selfish’ elderly. I think we are being told stories about each other that are not true. My general rule of thumb is that having read such stories, I look around at what I know and ask myself if my experience matches what I’m told.
There’s always someone older than you living well. It’s hard to be afraid of getting older when you see brilliant human beings in their eighties, nineties and beyond. When you look in their eyes, you see that spark, they look like good company, the sort of people it’s wonderful to be around.
做一个会注意的人—不是简单的表扬，而是感谢。人们离开公司时应该自我感觉良好。我不认为你能抽象地教给某人同理心或同情心，他们必须知道体验它是什么感觉—（被人说）“你做得很好”是一件非常美妙的事情。
当你认识的人失去亲人时，写信给他们。永远不要逃避这个机会，用一些小的细节表明你“了解”他们身上发生的的重要事情。
听，认真倾听。互联网上充斥着关于如何让自己看起来像在听的建议—眼神交流、肢体语言、重复话语—但就像微笑一样，这是不能伪造的。你为什么要这么做？他们的话不是很有价值。我知道我有一种倾向，在他们还没说完之前，我就开始在心里复制粘贴答案了—这不是听。
确保你一生都与不同年龄和背景的人打交道。否则，你将依赖于媒体告诉你的关于当今儿童、教育标准或“自私”老人的信息。我认为我们被告知彼此的故事是不真实的。我的一般经验是，读完这些故事后，我会环顾四周，看看我所知道的，并问自己，我的经验是否与我所听到的相符。
总有比你年长还生活得很好。当你看到80多岁、90多岁甚至年龄更大而且才华横溢时，你很难害怕变老。当你看着他们的眼睛，你会看到火花，他们看起来是很好的伙伴，和他们在一起感觉很好。
It’s always possible to be a better human being. It’s no bad thing to strive towards, but there’s no short-cut, you have to put in the time, thought and effort.
Turning forty hasn’t changed my outlook, nor has it made me wise. It would be great to be wise though, and working towards being wise is valuable in, and of, itself. I have other goals in life, the smaller kind, and some I’m deliberately saving for later years. I have never been to a posh hotel and ordered room service. I’ve always wanted to write a musical and I’ve started.
Two years ago, I fulfilled one of my small goals: to write an article and get it published in a real magazine, Scientific Inconsistencies in 1980s Pop Music: An Audio-Visual Analysis
I rediscovered that I liked writing. And shortly after accidentally came across Quora in the context of a question I’d have never thought to have asked, but on reading it really wanted an answer. having read about all kinds of stuff on Quora that I was previously unaware of, the list of little goals in life has lengthened somewhat, so there’s lots to do and learn in my forties and beyond.
要对自己负责，永远不要认为你已经没啥药学的。你可以从一个三岁的孩子身上学到很多东西，就像你可以从任何脑科学教授身上学到的一样。
做一个更好的人总是有可能的。努力不是坏事，但没有捷径，你必须投入时间、思想和努力。
四十岁并没有改变我的人生观，也没有让我变得明智。不过，变得聪明是件好事，而努力变得聪明本身就是有价值的。我在生活中还有其他的目标，较小的那种，有些是我故意留着以后再用的。我从没去过豪华酒店，也没叫过客房服务。我一直想写一部音乐剧，于是开始写。
两年前，我实现了我的一个小目标：写一篇文章并在一本真正的杂志上发表，这本杂志名为《1980年代流行音乐中的科学矛盾：视听分析》
我再次发现我喜欢写作。不久之后，我无意中遇到了Quora，遇到了一个我从未想过要问的问题，但在阅读时，我真的很想得到答案。在阅读了关于Quora的各种我以前不知道的东西之后，生活中的小目标的清单已经有所延长，所以在我四十多岁以后还有很多事情要做和学习。
Lisa Shields，前自由撰稿人（1999-2017）
I was looking in the mirror on my 40th birthday, and I was wondering where the time had gone. I felt neither young, nor old. And at that instant, my daughter came up behind me, put her arms around my waist (she was all of ten) peeked around so both of our reflections showed, and said this:
“Don't worry momma…they are all in there.”
“Who, baby?”
“All your Lisas. When you get a birthday, you get a new you…but the old one doesn't go away. It just gets crowded in there after a while. But all the Lisas are still there. They just get hard to see.”
Wow. Such amazing wisdom!
I loved turning 40. I didn't have to be a chick anymore! It was the most liberating birthday ever, and I have been better at life and living since.
这让我有理由讲述我最喜欢的关于我女儿的“小佛像”故事。
在我40岁生日那天，我在照镜子，我想知道时间去哪了。我觉得自己既不年轻，也不老。就在那一刻，我女儿走到我身后，搂着我的腰(她只有10岁)，向四周张望，我们的镜像都显现出来了，她说:
“妈妈，别担心……它们都在里面。”
“谁，宝贝？”
所有的丽莎，当你过生日时，你得到了一个新的自己，但旧的那个不会消失。过一段时间尽管会人满为患，但所有的丽萨都还在，他们只是变得很难看清而已。
哇！如此充满智慧！
我喜欢过40岁的生活。我不用再当小妞了!这是我有生以来最自由的生日，从那以后，我对生活和活着更有信心了。