如果我的男朋友为了另一个女孩离开了我，我该怎么办（下）

CJ Brito
Here’s some background info (it’s a lot sorry)
I'm a first year in college. I moved in my dorm on campus late August and immediately felt so homesick. I'm from SoCal, and I moved up north to San Francisco to get away from everything. I had just gotten out of a three year long relationship from high school and I moved up here to find myself, find my purpose, experience new things, and meet new people. I wanted a clean slate from my past at home. However, the first week of school was awful. I was so scared I had made a mistake, I had no friends, and I felt so alone because for the first time in my life I was alone. I had no one to lean on. My best friend was in a different state and I had left my whole life behind for something new that wasn't going at all how I expected. I was depressed, lonely... and then I met him.

这是一些背景信息（非常抱歉）
我是大学一年级学生。八月底，我搬进了校园的宿舍，立刻感到非常想家。我来自南加州，我搬到旧金山北部，以逃避一切。我刚从高中毕业，结束了三年的恋爱关系，我来到这里是为了发现我自己，找到我的目标，体验新事物，结识新朋友。我想在家里摆脱过去的阴影。然而，开学的第一周很糟糕。我犯了一个错误，我非常害怕，我没有朋友，我感到如此孤独，因为这是我有生以来第一次感到孤独。我没有可以依靠的人。我最好的朋友处于另一种状态，而我放弃了我的整个生活，去追求一些与我预期完全不同的新事物。我很沮丧，孤独，然后我遇到了他
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

One of my roommates is really social, so the first few weeks of school we hosted a lot of movie nights at our dorm and always had a ton of people over on the weekends. And that's how I met him. For the sake of his privacy, we'll call him Gabe. Gabe moved into his dorm later than everyone else on our floor, around the 2nd week of school. He's my neighbor, and I remember seeing him for the first time and thinking how cute he was. He's super tall, skinny but toned, has beautiful amber eyes and a perfect smile. The complete opposite of my ex from high school (I wasn't attracted to him physically). So because of this I definitely thought Gabe was way out of my league. I've always had bad self-esteem. I know I'm not the prettiest girl around, but I know my personality outweighs that. And the more Gabe and I talked, we got to know each other more and immediately had a connection. For two weeks he would stay over later than everyone and we would stay up all night playing Mario Kart, Super Smash Bros, and Lego Star Wars. We had many common interests, and for the first time in my life I felt like I thought I had a chance with someone I was actually into, both physically and personality wise. In the past I would get rejected by anyone I had an interest in. It wasn't until sophomore year of high school where I eventually settled for my childhood friend who had been in love with me for years. Even though I wasn't in love with him back, he made me feel special. But I know I couldn't live like that forever, nor keep leading him on like that, hence why I broke it off with my ex after three years. I knew I deserved someone better - I knew there was someone else out there for me, one that I could love. That's why with Gabe.

我的一个室友非常善于交际，所以在开学的前几周，在我们宿舍里举办了很多电影之夜，周末总是有很多人过来。我就是这样认识他的。为了他的隐私，我们叫他盖布。大约在开学的第二周，盖布搬进宿舍的时间比我们楼层的其他人都晚。他是我的邻居，我记得第一次见到他时，我觉得他有多可爱。他非常高，瘦削但有着优美的琥珀色眼睛和完美的笑容。与我高中时的前任完全相反（我对他的身体没有吸引力）。所以，正因为如此，正因为如此，我觉得盖布绝对不是我能配得上的。我一直觉得我不是最漂亮的女孩，但我知道我的个性比这更重要。盖布和我谈得越多，我们就越了解对方，很快就有了联系。有两个星期，他会比所有人都呆得晚，我们会通宵玩马里奥卡丁车、任天堂明星大乱斗(Super Smash Bros.)和乐高星球大战。我们有很多共同的兴趣爱好，这是我有生以来第一次觉得我有机会和我真正喜欢的人在一起，无论是身体上还是性格上。在过去，我会被任何我感兴趣的人拒绝。直到高中二年级，我才最终找到了一位与我相爱多年的儿时朋友。虽然我没有爱上他，但他让我觉得自己很特别。但我知道我不可能永远这样生活，也不可能一直这样引导他，因此我在三年后与前任分手了。我知道我应该得到一个更好的人—我知道还有其他人在等着我，一个我可以爱的人。这就是为什么和盖布在一起。

I'm not usually one to shoot my shot, especially because of things that happened in my past. But somehow, my roommate convinced me to admit my feelings to Gabe. So after around three weeks of knowing him, as he was walking me back from my night class, I told him how I felt. In preparation for this, I had thought of all the ways it could go. I thought to myself: Was it too soon to admit my feelings? Would he get weirded out? Of course, he could admit his feelings back to me, but of course there was the possibly I could get rejected too. And that's what I was expecting. Rejection. But out of ALL the possibilities I never expected him to say what he said.

我通常不会采取主动，尤其是因为我过去发生的事情。但不知怎么的，我的室友说服我向盖布承认我的感受。所以在认识他大约三周后，当他带我从夜校回来时，我告诉了他我的感受。为此，我想到了一切可能的办法。我心想：承认自己的感受是否为时过早？他会感到奇怪吗？当然，他可以向我承认他的感受，但当然也有可能我会被拒绝—这就是我所期待。但在所有的可能性中，我从没想到他会说出他所说的话。

He told me to wait. "Wait?" I asked. "Wait." He replied. He told me that it was too soon to tell if he had feelings back, but he definitely really liked being my friend. He told me he really liked me as person, and wanted to take things slow and see where things would lead. So I waited, and remained friends with him. I was confused, but still was hopeful. After that day, we became closer, physically that is. When we would sit on the couch together, (and he literally he told me this), he would sit super close to me to where our shoulders would touch on purpose. That eventually lead to other little things, like putting his cold hands on my forehead and back of my neck to warm them up, or even something at little as playfully touching each other when we would joke around. This lasted for around a week, until I couldn't hold it in anymore. I really, really liked him. And I wasn't gonna waste my time, or let him lead me on and give me false hope. (this is very ironic not that I look back at it). So I confronted him about it. I told him, that I wanted to know if he felt anything, anything for me - even if it was just a little bit of feelings he had for me romantically. Because again, I didn't want him to keep giving myself false hope. That was the night however, I found out about the truth. The truth about her.

他叫我等。“等等？”我问。“等等，”他回答。他告诉我，他告诉我现在说他是否有感觉还为时过早，但他确实很喜欢做我的朋友。他告诉我，他真的很喜欢我这个人，他想慢慢来，看看事情会走向何方。所以我等待着，和他保持朋友关系。我感到困惑，但仍然充满希望。那一天之后，我们变得更亲近了，也就是身体上。当我们一起坐在沙发上的时候，他会坐得离我非常近，我们的肩膀会故意接触到一起。这最终导致了其他一些小事情，比如把他冰冷的手放在我的前额和脖子后面让它们暖和起来，或者甚至当我们开玩笑的时候，他会开玩笑地抚摸对方。这持续了大约一周，直到我再也忍不住了。我真的很喜欢他。我不会浪费我的时间，也不会让他引导我，给我虚假的希望。（这是非常讽刺的，我并没有回头看它）。所以我就跟他对质。我告诉他，我想知道他是否有点感觉，任何感觉都行，哪怕只是他对我有一点点浪漫的感觉。因为我不想让他一直给我错误的希望。就在那天晚上，我发现了真相—关于她的真相。

Gabe had met her on Omegle, around January of this year. We'll call her Kim. Since then, he told me he's texted Kim, video called her, snap-chatted her nonstop whenever he had free time for months and believe me, he had a lot of free time. And it made sense. In the beginning when I met him, he was always on his fucking phone. One movie night we hosted he even left mid-movie without saying anything and never came back. I wondered where he was, but the thought didn't bother me too much. But it turned out he had left to video call her. And that night we talked, he made it clear that she was always going to be #1 in her life. He told me straight up to my face. He liked me, really liked me, but he loved her more. That's something I should have realized right then and there. That even if it did work out between us, she would be an issue. A part of me however, let it go. I don't know why I didn't it end it right then and there. But it was because he never really rejected me, I stayed. He also told me that night he loved being physically close with me, because he's never been that way with anyone before. However, he still wanted to take things slow and see where it lead. I think that's what ultimately swayed me over. Because I wanted to be there for him, be close to him. Because I was falling in love with him.

盖布大约在今年一月在奥梅格尔遇见了她。我们叫她金姆。他告诉我，从认识她以后，他给金发短信，给她打视频电话，在几个月的空闲时间里不停地和她聊天，相信我，他有很多空闲时间。这是有道理的。一开始我见到他时，他总是在打电话。我们主持的一个电影之夜，电影播放中他甚至一言不发地离开了，再也没有回来。我不知道他在哪里，但这个想法并没有让我太烦恼。但事实证明他已经离开去给她打视频电话了。那天晚上，我们交谈时，他明确表示她将永远是她生命中的第一位。他直截了当地告诉我。他喜欢我，真的喜欢我，但他更爱她。我当时就应该意识到这一点。即使我们之间有了结果，这也会成为一个问题。然而，我的一部分想法，让它去吧。我不知道为什么我没有马上结束。但因为他从未真正拒绝过我，我留下来了。那天晚上他还告诉我，他喜欢和我在身体上亲近，因为他以前从来没和任何人有这样在一起过。然而，他仍然想放慢脚步，看看它会走向何方。我想这就是最终影响我的原因。我想在他身边，靠近他。因为我爱上了他。

The talk we had about her was around early September. And at the rate we were going, him staying over until 4 AM every night and us snuggling - every time getting closer and closer - I knew something was bound to happen. I remember the first night he had held my hand. It was to us watching Daft Punk's Discovery album music videos (Interstella 5555) which, if you haven't seen the music videos nor heard the album I highly recommend you watch it. But I will never forget how fast my heart raced when our fingers intertwined - how my little hand fit perfectly in his. I was so happy. And eventually after that we had our first kiss. And again, I will never forget that moment, the way he looked at me in the dark, the reflection of the projector light shining this blue hue on his face. It was perfect. He was perfect. Let's just say we did a little bit more than just kiss that night LOL!

我们关于她的谈话大约在九月初。以我们的速度，他每晚都要熬夜到凌晨4点，我们依偎在一起—每次越来越近—我知道一定会发生什么事。我记得第一天晚上他握着我的手。对我们来说，这是在看Daft Punk的《发现》专辑音乐视频，如果你没有看过音乐视频，也没有听过这张专辑，我强烈推荐你看。但我永远不会忘记，当我们的手指缠绕在一起时，我的心跳是多么的快—我的小手是多么的适合他的手，我太高兴了。最后，在那之后，有了我们的初吻。再一次，我永远不会忘记那一刻，他在黑暗中看着我的样子，投影仪的反射光在他脸上闪耀着蓝色，太完美了。他是完美的。这么说吧，那晚我们不仅仅接吻了！哈哈

A couple days after that, he lost his virginity to me. It was such a wonderful night. That was the first time he spent the night too, in my bed. My roommates were gone for the night, so it was just us in the apartment all to ourselves. If I could go back in time it would be to that moment, where everything seemed fine, where there were no problems or worries... everything was perfect.
But all good things come to an end. We didn't have many problems in the beginning. Our sex life was AMAZING. I can't stress that enough. I honestly think that's what I'm going to miss the most from our relationship. Feeling so connected to someone I truly loved. Our bodies were in sync, and the was pure passion and pleasure...Every. Single. Time. I'm not even kidding, we had sex every single day from the day he lost his virginity to me (So around mid September to November when we left for Thanksgiving break). And of course we had tons sex after that too, before we broke up that is.

几天后，他把第一次给了我。这是一个如此美妙的夜晚。那也是他第一次在我床上过夜。我的室友晚上都出去了，所以只有我们两个在公寓里。如果我能回到过去，我想回到那一刻，一切似乎都很好，没有问题和担忧—一切都很完美。
但一切美好的事情都会结束。一开始我们没有太多问题。我们的性生活太棒了。我怎么强调都不过分。我真的认为这是我最怀念我们关系的地方。感觉和我真正爱的人有着如此紧密的联系。我们的身体是同步的，这是纯粹的激情和快乐，每一天都如此。我不是在开玩笑，从他把童贞给我的那天起，我们每天都做爱(大约在9月中旬到11月，我们感恩节假期离开过)。当然在那之后分手之前我们也有过无数次的性爱。

I'm trying to pinpoint where everything had started to crumble. Well first off, I had said those three words wayyy to early in the relationship, before he had even asked me out. And I knew that. We were a thing since September and although we were exclusive he never truly asked me to be his girlfriend until November 3rd. He never said "I love you" either to me until early October when our group of friends had gone moshing at a concert (I wasn't really into it but he was). Regardless, that moment felt so special to me. Because in that moment I did feel special, he made me feel so special. And the month of October was great. He started sleeping over all the time to the point where he started to live with me and my roommates, even pitching in for supplies like toilet paper and did chores around the apartment. We even moved his nametag from his room to our room because he was a part of our little family. My roommates (there's four of us including me) absolutely adored him, he was so kind and thoughtful and like I said everything seemed so perfect. Too perfect. I would come home in pure happiness, run into his arms after a long day like nothing mattered.

我正试图找出开始崩溃的地方。首先，我在恋爱初期，甚至在他约我出去之前，就已经说过这三个字了。我知道这一点。我们从九月份开始就很亲密，虽然我们是唯一的，但直到11月3日他才真正邀请我做他的女朋友。他也从来没有对我说过“我爱你”，直到十月初，我们的一群朋友去了一场音乐会（我不是很喜欢，但他很喜欢）。不管怎样，那一刻对我来说很特别。因为在那一刻，我确实觉得自己很特别，他让我觉得自己很特别。十月的天气非常好。他开始一直睡懒觉，开始和我和我的室友住在一起，甚至帮忙买卫生纸之类的用品，在公寓里做家务。我们甚至把他的房间搬到了我们的房间，因为他是我们小家庭的一员。我的室友们（包括我在内一共有四个人）都非常崇拜他，他是那么的善良和体贴，就像我说的，一切看起来都那么完美，太完美了。我会带着纯粹的幸福回到家，在漫长的一天之后，像一无所有一样跑进他的怀抱。

November came around, and he had asked me out to be his girlfriend while we were showering together. I had never been so happy in my life. But that's when things started to change. It was around this time I believe we started to have more conversations about the situation with Kim. We had discussed it before, that if I was to ever become his girlfriend I wanted him to break off all contact with her. Because I never forgot the shit he said to me when we had that long talk early September. She was his #1. And if I was to be his girlfriend I was going to be #1. So once again he reassured me that Kim was just his friend. And that he loved me, not her. And looking back at the situation I can't help thinking: what a load of fucking bullshit. From the get go I had a gut feeling he was lying about his lost feelings for her. And listen, there's nothing worse than having a gut feeling that someone you love is going to break your heart.

十一月来了，我们一起洗澡时，他约我出去，我做了他的女朋友。我一生中从未如此快乐过。但那是事情开始改变的时候。就在这个时候，我相信我们开始与金的情况进行更多的对话。我们以前讨论过，如果我要成为他的女朋友，我希望他与她断绝一切联系。因为我从来没有忘记九月初我们长谈时他对我说的话。她是他最喜欢的。如果我是他的女朋友，我会要是他最爱才行。所以他再次向我保证金只是他的朋友。他爱我，而不是她。回顾当时的情况，我不禁想：真是他妈的胡说八道。从一开始我就直觉他在撒谎，说他对她失去了感情。听着，没有什么比直觉告诉你你爱的人会让你心碎更糟糕的了

But deep down I knew. I knew I could never be her. I knew that he would always love her more, that he still loved her. He still had a streak with her on snapchat (she was his #1 best friend), they were in contact frequently, and it was obvious that there was still feelings for her, although he reassured me many, many times it meant nothing. He pushed that their relationship was just "friendly" to him. But a part of me knew. I just knew something wasn't right. So I confronted him about it. And told him to end contact with her. And he did. And that was the final test. If he truly loved me, he would understand why it wasn't okay to talk to her. The first few days after he cut her off was fine. He lost his streak with her, and all seemed well. Once again, I was hopeful. We had made plans to go to Disneyland, bought our non-refundable tickets, put money down for an AirB&B, planned to meet each others families and then...

但内心深处我知道。我知道我永远不会成为她。我知道他永远更爱她，他仍然爱她。他在snapchat上仍然和她保持着联系（她是他最好的朋友），很明显他们经常联系，他仍然对她有感情，尽管他多次向我保证这毫无意义。他强调他们的关系对他来说只是“友好的”。我只是知道有些事情不对。所以我就跟他对质，告诉他不要再和她联系了。他做到了，这是最后的测试。如果他真的爱我，他就会明白为什么和她说话不好。他和她断绝关系后的头几天很好。他和她失去了联系，一切似乎都很好。我再一次充满希望。我们计划去迪斯尼乐园，买了不可退款的机票，付了机票的定金，计划去见彼此的家人，然后......

I found out about Gabe's messages with Kim. I had playfully teased Gabe about him still talking to her as a joke but for some reason when I made the joke he was uneasy. And I definitely noticed. So I asked him if he had talked to recently, and he said only over Thanksgiving break. **side note** (On they day they were talking, I had gotten sick with the flu and Gabe wasn't answering any of my texts.) Instead he was texting HER. And it wasn't just any type of texting. It was flirting on his end. And I know the difference. They way they texted is how a boyfriend and girlfriend text. Not "friends". I wish I recorded the messages so I can show you guys. It broke my heart. Because he never texted me like that, at all. AND I WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND! This happened after our one month, on December 3rd. For that week and the next we fought, and I definitely knew his feelings for me were never genuine in the first place. And finally he cracked. He told me he missed her. Craved her. Needed her.

我发现了盖布和金的留言。我曾开玩笑地取笑盖布，说他还在跟她开玩笑，但出于某种原因，当我开玩笑时，他感到不安。我当然注意到了。所以我问他最近有没有和她谈过，他说只是在感恩节假期有过（在他们谈话的那天，我得了流感，盖布没有回复我的任何短信。）相反，他给她发短信。而且这不仅仅是普通类型的短信。那是他和那边调情。我知道其中的区别。他们发短信的方式就是男朋友和女朋友发短信的方式。不是“朋友”。我希望我能把留言录下来让你们看看。它伤了我的心。因为他从来没有那样给我发过短信—我是他的女朋友！这件事发生在我们一个月后的12月3日。在那一周和接下来的一周里，我们一直在战斗，我清楚地知道他对我的感情从一开始就不是真诚的。最后他崩溃了，他告诉我他想念她、渴望她、需要她。

We eventually broke up on December 14th, one week ago from today when I posted this, December 21st. He told me he never loved me, that he forced himself to love me, that he wanted me to break up with him when things got bad because he felt so guilty that he used me. He told me he tried his hardest to love me, but he couldn't. He couldn't ever love me the way he loves Kim. The girl that he's never even met, someone who is still in high school (we're 18) and on top of that HAS A BOYFRIEND. I fell in love with him, and he used me. how someone could be so stuck in love with a fucking fantasy. And on top of that, he admitted his feelings were never genuine in the first place.

我们最终在12月14日分手，一周前的今天，12月21日，我发布了这篇文章。他告诉我他从不爱我，他强迫自己爱我，当事情变得糟糕时，他想让我和他分手，因为他感到内疚以至于利用了我。他告诉我他尽了最大的努力来爱我，但他做不到。他不能像爱金那样爱我。那个他从未见过的女孩，还是个高中生(我们都18岁了)，而且已经有男朋友了。我爱上了他，他利用了我。一个人怎么会爱上一个他妈的幻想。最重要的是，他承认他的感觉从一开始就不是真的。

As of now I'm still picking up the pieces. I know it was only around 4 months we were dating but it impacted me so much because I was actually in love. We lived together. Slept with each other every night. I woke up next to him and was so.
I don't know what to do. He still wants to be friends but I don't know if I could literally be able to because even though he hurt me so bad, a part of me still believe there's a chance that one day he'll realize that he made a mistake of losing me. And as much as I say I hate him, I don't. I just want him back. I'm so pathetic. I don't even know if he misses me. I think about him all the time still, and what sucks even more that 1) It's the holidays and I feel so alone 2) I haven't really been single in such a long time, and it's so scary being independent and 3) He's my neighbor and I'm stuck seeing him for the next 6 months next semester.
I don't know what I'm going to do.

到现在为止，我还在收拾残局。我知道我们约会才4个月左右，但这对我影响很大，因为我真的恋爱了。我们住在一起，每晚都睡在一起。我醒来时就在他旁边，非常害怕。
我不知道该怎么办。他仍然想成为我朋友，但我不知道我是否真的能够成为朋友，因为即使他伤害了我如此深，我仍然相信有一天他会意识到他失去我是一个错误。虽然我说我恨他，但我不恨。我只想让他回来。我真可怜，我甚至不知道他是否想念我。我一直在想他，更糟糕的是1、现在是假期，我感到很孤独；
2、我已经很长时间没有真正的单身了，独立是很可怕的；
3、他是我的邻居，下学期我要在接下来的6个月里一直和他在一起。
我不知道我该怎么办。

Chris Tion
I don’t know how it is where you come from but you can’t get to know somebody in 2 days. You’re basically making your judgement off the fact that he’s physically attractive and not acting retarded yet, and possibly has a slight idea what manners are.
But as you see it wasn’t long enough to gauge whether he was actually a good person. Unfortunately real life is not going to be as simple as Disney movies and romantic comedies where excellent partners just fall into your lap without you having to put any effort into it.
In real life, there’s this thing called dating, where you try and get to know if you and the guy you think is attractive are actually compatible for a relationship. Just as the same as you would get to know your friends before you think they’re trustworthy enough to be in your house without you or to borrow something you really treasure, you would need to put that type of effort with someone you’re planning on giving away something you truly treasure

我不知道你来自哪里，但你不可能在两天内认识一个人。你的判断基本上是基于他的外表很吸引人，而且还没有表现得那么弱智，而且可能他懂一点礼貌。
但正如你所见，要判断他是否真的是个好人，这个时间还不够长。不幸的是，现实生活不会像迪士尼电影和浪漫喜剧那样简单，优秀的伴侣不需要你付出任何努力就会从天而降。
在现实生活中，有一种叫做约会的东西，你试着去了解你和你认为有魅力的男人是否真的适合发生一段关系。就像在你认为朋友值得信任之前，你会先了解他们一样，这样才可以在没有你在情况下呆在你家里或借到你真正珍藏的东西，你也需要在你计划赠送你真正珍藏的东西的人身上付出这种努力。