你父母对你说过的最糟糕的话是什么(上)

Dushka Zapata, I wrote a step by step workbook about how to love yourself.

杜什卡扎帕塔，我写了一本关于如何爱自己的循序渐进的练习册

My parents had a knack for inflicting pain on me because of their place in my life: they created me, and I needed their care and their love to survive.
An absence of their approval felt like a threat to my existence because it was, so I became hyper-vigilant of what they said and how they acted.
It’s no wonder I strived to model my life in function of wanting them to be proud of me: my system is programmed to believe this is how I stay alive.
In the meantime, my parents are not god-like creators. They are figuring out life, acting clumsy, learning how to do this complex parenting thing. They say things out of exhaustion, exasperation, incompetence. They treat me the way someone once treated them because it’s what they know.
What they say is inept, a bad moment, an instant of anger, something they blurt out without thinking. Their carelessness is to me a poison that seems to remain in my system forever, like a thorn dipped in an everlasting toxin.
The moment I realized my parents were just human - flawed, bumbling humans - what they said and did began to have less of an impact on me.

因为父母在我生命中的地位，他们很擅长给我制造痛苦:他们创造了我，我需要他们的照顾和爱才能生存。
没有得到他们的认可感觉像是对我生存的威胁，因为这是一种威胁，所以我对他们的言行高高度度警惕。
难怪我努力塑造自己的生活，希望他们为我感到骄傲:我的系统被设定为相信这是我生存的方式。
与此同时，我的父母并不是上帝般的创造者。他们正在探索生活，行动比较笨拙，学习如何做复杂的育儿事情。他们出于疲惫、恼怒、无能而说这些话。他们对待我就像别人对待他们一样，因为这是他们所知道的
他们所说的话是在不适当时候，糟糕的时刻，愤怒的瞬间不假思索地脱口而出。他们的粗心大意对我来说是一种毒药，似乎永远留在我的体内，就像一根刺浸在永恒的毒素中。
当我意识到我父母也是普通人的时候—有缺陷、笨手笨脚——他们的言行对我的影响开始减弱。

You don’t know best. Your observations are not divine. Your advice is not celestial. I need to wake up, set limits so that I make the life you gave me mine and not yours.
I know me so am a better parent to me than you were. This is not meant to be bitter or angry or insulting. It’s just practical truth. I am the only one who knows what I really need, and I can make sure I get it.
I love my parents. The more I regard them as mortal, the more I see they were young like me, reckless like me, clueless like me, inexperienced like me, the better I understand them.
The more I embrace that I feel a mangle of contradicting emotions towards them - love, exasperation, frustration, tenderness - the better I understand myself.
I had the best parents in the world.

你不是最懂的。你的观察结果不是令人愉快的。你的建议并不高明。我需要醒来，设定界限，让你给我的生活属于我，而不是你。
我了解我自己，所以对我来说，我比你更称职。这并不意味着痛苦、愤怒或侮辱。这只是实际的事实。我是唯一知道我真正需要什么的人，我可以确保我得到它。
我爱我的父母，我越是把他们视为凡人，我越是看到他们像我一样年轻，像我一样鲁莽，像我一样无知，像我一样缺乏经验，我就越了解他们。
我越是欣然接受我对他们有一种矛盾的情绪—爱、愤怒、挫折、温柔，我就越了解自己。
我有世界上最好的父母。

Bailey Lamar, Writer (2015-present)

Bailey Lamar，作家（2015年至今）

Your brother was right.
My mom had me young, and my brother even younger.
She was only 18 when she gave birth to me, having had my brother four years earlier, right after her 14th birthday.
Two separate men, both of which were good fathers, but not great partners.
My parents didn’t get married until I was five, and ended up separated by the time I was thirteen.
My dad worked really long hours, so my mom decided to take me with her when she moved out. I lived with her, alone, for about three years.
Those were some of the most miserable years of my entire life.
She was still pretty young at that time, only 31, with two teenagers already. Pretty soon, she started drinking. The drinking turned to smoking, which turned to mild drugs, like weed. When the weed didn’t help, she started taking E. That didn’t work, either, so then it was coke. And when that didn’t give her enough of a high, it was meth.
When I was fourteen, I had a pretty bad boyfriend. I’ve written about him before, but he was a few years older, and liked to push me around.

你哥哥是对的。
我妈妈生我的时候还很小，生我哥哥的时候更小。
她生我的时候才18岁，4年前她刚过完14岁生日，就生下了我哥哥。
两个不同的男人（成为我们的父亲），他们都是好父亲，但不是伟大的伴侣。
我父母直到我五岁才结婚，到我十三岁时就分居了。
我爸爸工作时间很长，所以我妈妈决定搬出去时带我一起。我和她单独生活了大约三年。
那是我一生中最悲惨的几年。
那时她还很年轻，只有31岁，已经有两个十几岁的孩子了。很快，她开始喝酒。喝酒变成了吸烟，吸烟变成了温和的药物，比如大麻。当大麻没有帮助时，她开始服用E。待这也不起作用，所以后来是可卡因。当这还不能给她足够的兴奋时，直接用冰毒。
当我十四岁的时候，我有一个很糟糕的男朋友。我以前写过关于他的文章，但他比我大几岁，喜欢摆布我。

On one night in particular, he punched me in the face after finding me alone in a room talking to another guy.
It was innocent—we were at a party, he’d left me to drink with his friends, and I was sitting cross-legged on the coffee table, talking to one of his other friends, who sat on the couch—but that didn’t matter. I’d still embarrassed him, so I still got a black eye.
That night, I didn’t get home until sometime around 4 A.M. My mom was passed out on the couch, woke up when I came in, took one look at my face, and rolled over.
The next night, my brother came over for dinner. He came bearing groceries like he always did—he knew our mom well enough to know the only thing he’d find in the house was vodka and top ramen.
The second he saw my face, he turned to our mom. “What happened?”
“What happened with what?” She asked back, shoving her matted, fire-engine red hair out of her face.
“With her face.” He pointed at me.
She looked at me over her shoulder. “Oh, yeah, I don’t know.”
“Gary—” I started, but he cut me off with a wave of his hand.
“You don’t know?” He glared at her. “Did you do that?”
“God, no.” She rolled her eyes at him and shuffled past him to grab at the grocery bag he’d placed on the counter. “She came home like that.”
“And, what? You didn’t ask her what happened?”
My mom shrugged. “No.”
“Jesus Christ.” My brother put his hand over his eyes. For a second, I thought he was too angry to look at her, but when he pulled his hand away, I saw a single tear sliding down his cheek.

特别是有一天晚上，他发现我一个人在房间里和另一个男人说话，就朝我脸上打了一拳。
我是无辜的：我们在一个派对上，他让我和他的朋友们一起喝酒，我盘腿坐在咖啡桌上，和他另一个坐在沙发上的朋友聊天—但这并不重要。我还是让他难堪了，所以我的眼睛还是被打青了
那天晚上，我直到凌晨4点左右才回家。我妈妈昏倒在沙发上，当我进来时醒过来，看了我脸一眼，然后翻了个身。
第二天晚上，我哥哥过来吃晚饭。他像往常一样带着杂货来了，他很了解我们的妈妈，知道家里唯一能找到的东西就是伏特加和顶级拉面。
他一看到我的脸，就转向我们的妈妈。“发生了什么事？”
“发生了什么事？”她回过头来问道，把她那乱蓬蓬的、消防车似的红头发从脸上推开。
“看她的脸。”他指着我。
她回头看着我。“哦，是啊，我不知道。”
“盖理——”我开始说，但他挥手打断了我。
“你不知道？”他怒视着她。“是你干的吗？”
“天哪，不是。”她向他翻了翻眼睛，拖着脚从他身边走过，去抓他放在柜台上的购物袋。“她回家就这样。”
“还有，什么？你没问她发生了什么事？”
我妈妈耸耸肩。“没有。”
“耶稣基督。”我哥哥把手放在眼睛上。有一秒钟，我以为他太生气了，不敢看她，但当他把手拉开时，我看到一滴眼泪从他的脸颊上滑落。

I was frozen.
My brother—six-foot-four, 250 pounds, with nerves of steel and the smartest man I knew—was crying in our dingy, dirty kitchen. The light above him flickered, shuddering across his face.
“Do you even care about us?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
She sighed loudly. “I’m not even going to answer that, Gary.”
“Why? Because you know how horrible you’d be if you told the truth?” He stared at her, tears silently tracing his cheeks. “I always thought you were just immature. That you just wanted to be young, and not have to take care of two kids. But that’s not just it, isn’t it? You don’t just resent being a mother. You resent us. You hate us.”
She didn’t reply.
Gary, swaying on his feet, turned around. “I’m fucking done with this. I’m leaving. Come on, Bailey.”
I looked between my brother and my mom. “I can’t just leave her here.”
He shook his head. “She’s never going to love you, not like that. You know that, right?”
I couldn’t meet his eye.
A second later, he was gone, the front door slamming shut behind him.
“I’ll start dinner,” I said, moving past her to unload the groceries.
She leaned against the kitchen counter, a tired look on her face.
“Your brother was right, you know,” she said casually.
I didn’t turn around.
“I’d never tell him that, because I’m sure he’d make it his mission in life to destroy me, but he’s right.”
“About which part?” I asked quietly.
No response.
“Mom?”
I turned around, but all I saw was her back as she walked up the stairs.

我惊呆了。
我的兄弟身高6英尺4英寸，体重250磅，有钢铁般的神经，哥哥是我我认识的最聪明的人，此时在我们肮脏肮脏的厨房里哭泣。他头顶的灯光闪烁着，在他的脸上颤抖着。
“你关心我们吗？”他问道，他的声音略高于耳语。
她大声叹息。“盖理，我甚至不打算回答这个问题。”
“为什么？因为你知道如果你说实话会有多可怕吗？”他盯着她，眼泪悄悄地顺着脸颊流。“我一直认为你只是不成熟。你只是想年轻一点，不用照顾两个孩子。但不仅如此，不是吗?你不仅仅是讨厌做母亲。你憎恨我们。你讨厌我们。”
她没有回答。
盖理摇摇晃晃地站着，转过身来。“我他妈的受够了。我要走了。来吧，贝利。”
我看了看我哥哥和我妈妈：“我不能把她留在这里。”
他摇摇头。“她永远不会爱你，不会那样的。你知道的，对吧？”
我不敢正视他的眼睛。
一秒钟后，他走了，前门砰地关上了。
我要开始吃晚饭了，”我说着从她身边走过，准备把杂货搬下来。
她靠在厨房的柜台上，脸上带着疲惫的表情。
“你知道，你哥哥是对的，”她漫不经心地说。
我没有转身。
“我不告诉过他，因为我肯定他会把摧毁我作为他的人生使命，但他是对的。”
“关于哪一部分？”我平静地问。
没有回应。
“妈妈？”
我转过身，但她上楼时，我看到的只是她的背影。

Anonymous
When I was in high school, I was a nerd and an overachiever. My goal was to take all of the hardest classes offered at my school, just to prove that I could handle it. I signed up for just about every AP class that was offered, and I filled up the rest of my schedule with Honors classes. Meanwhile, I was also participating in sports and doing a lot with my youth group at church. Needless to say, I was a very busy kid. I studied constantly. In fact, I had to study so much that I developed some unhealthy habits, like pulling weekly all-nighters all throughout my high school years. It was a very intense period of my life.
I typically did very well in school. Even with my heavy workload, it was unusual for me to get anything other than straight A's. However, I did get an occasional B in some of my more difficult classes. Whenever that happened, my mom would yell at me and threaten to pull me out of sports. She didn't understand my interest in sports; she thought they were just a hindrance and a distraction to me getting good grades. She was more interested in me getting a scholarship.
(Don't get me wrong, I wanted a scholarship too. But I also felt like sports added a lot of balance to my life. Sports kept me happy. If I didn't have sports, I felt like my days would be nothing but homework and drudgery.)

当我上高中的时候，我是个书呆子，成绩优异。我的目标是参加学校提供的所有最难的课程，只是为了证明我能应付。我报名参加了提供的几乎每一门大学先修课程，剩下的时间我都排满了荣誉课程。同时，我还参加了运动，和我的青年小组在教堂做了很多事情。不用说，我是个很忙的孩子—我不断地学习。事实上，我不得不学习太多以至于养成了一些不健康的习惯，就像我在高中的时候每周都要熬夜。那是我生命中非常紧张的一段时期。
我通常在学校表现很好。即使我的工作量很大，我也很难得到除A以外的任何成绩。然而，在我的一些较难的课程中，我确实偶尔得了B。无论什么时候，我妈妈都会对我大喊大叫，威胁要把我放弃体育运动。她不了解我对运动的兴趣；她认为它们只是我取得好成绩的障碍和干扰。她对我获得奖学金更感兴趣。
（别误会，我也想获得奖学金。但我也觉得体育运动给我的生活增添了很多平衡。体育运动让我快乐。如果我没有体育运动，我觉得我的日子只有家庭作业和苦差事。）
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

One day, right before the start of my senior year, the school announced that my preliminary class rank was available. They had taken all of the students in my class and ranked them, according to their grade point average. It was supposed to help you better understand your chances of getting into college. You had to call the school, and the guidance counselor would look up your name on the list. I was anxious to find out my rank because I had put myself through so much pain in school - so many hours of studying, so many all-nighters, so much stress. After a few seconds on the phone, the guidance counselor told me, "Congratulations, you are 10th in your class!"
I was thrilled! My graduating class had over 800 students, so I felt like it was a real accomplishment to be ranked so high. All of my hard work had paid off, and I was so proud. I ran downstairs to tell my mom. I thought this would vindicate me and my participation in sports. Not only that, but this would be the day that my mom finally recognized that I was doing well. Maybe she would finally say how proud she was (I had never heard her say that about me).
I found her in the living room, playing Solitaire on the computer. Beaming with pride, I told her the good news - I was ranked 10th in my class.
She didn't look up from the computer. After a brief moment of silence, she only spoke a few words, in a very solemn and disappointed tone of voice. She said, "That's what B's will get you."
I was stunned. I had no idea what to say, so I just backed away slowly. I was crushed and completely mortified. I went back up to my room and locked the door. I sobbed for over an hour. This was my biggest accomplishment, but my mom was disappointed in me. It was the deepest, darkest wound I had ever felt. She knew exactly how hard I had worked because she had stayed up with me for so many of those late nights. But even with that, all of that effort - it still wasn't good enough for her.
It was then that I realized, my best will never be good enough for her.

有一天，就在我高三开始之前，学校宣布我的预备班排名已经公布了。他们把我班上所有的学生按照他们的平均成绩进行排名。它本应该帮助你更好地了解自己进入大学的机会。你得给学校打电话，辅导员会在名单上查你的名字。我急于知道自己的排名，因为我在学校让自己经历了那么多痛苦——那么多小时的学习，那么多通宵学习，那么多压力。打了几秒钟电话后，辅导员告诉我，“恭喜你，你在班上得了第10名！”
我很激动！我的毕业班有800多名学生，所以我觉得排名这么高是一项真正的成就。我所有的努力都得到了回报，我非常自豪。我跑下楼去告诉我妈妈。我想这会证明我和我参与体育运动是正确的。不仅如此，在这一天，我妈妈终于意识到我做得很好。也许她最终会说她有多骄傲（我从来没听她这么说我）。
我在客厅找到了她，她正在电脑上玩纸牌。我满脸自豪地告诉她这个好消息—我在班里名列第十。
她没有从电脑上抬起头来。在短暂的沉默之后，她只说了几句话，语气非常严肃和失望。她说，“这就是体育运动能带给你的。”
我惊呆了。我不知道该说什么，所以我只是慢慢后退。我被压垮了，完全被羞辱了。我回到楼上我的房间，锁上了门。我哭了一个多小时。这是我最大的成就，但我妈妈对我很失望。这是我所感受过的最深、最黑暗的伤口。她清楚地知道我学习有多努力，因为她陪我熬了那么多晚。但即便如此，所有的努力，对她来说还是不够好。
就在那时，我意识到，我所做的一切对她来说永远都不够好。

Kate Scott, Property management (2020-present)

凯特·斯科特，物业管理（2020年至今）

Mine has a much lighter tone (my parents were wonderful and loving), but it was still horrifically traumatizing!
I was 17 and my mom and I were having a few drinks.
Actually, my mom was having several drinks.
Actually it was probably the most drunk I’ve seen my mom (she doesn’t drink heavily, just a glass of wine now and then) and it was hilarious!
Until…
Right before we each went to bed, she turned to me and said/slurred, “Alright, I’m tired, I’m gonna go to bed with your dad… all 8 inches of him!”

我的语气要轻松得多(我的父母很棒，很有爱心)，但这仍然是可怕的创伤！
我17岁，我和妈妈喝了几杯。
事实上，我妈妈喝了好几杯。
事实上，这可能是我见过的我妈妈喝得最多的一次了（她并不酗酒，只是偶尔喝一杯酒），真是太好笑了！
直到…
就在我们每个人上床睡觉之前，她转向我说/含糊其辞，“好吧，我累了，我要和你爸爸上床，他只有8英寸长！”

Anonymous
“You and your mother will keep begging on the streets while I, with my second wife, on my new scooter (back in 1990′s), full of shopping bags, will throw one at you, pitying over you.” - My Dad.
Every man has some dreams, may be few of them are wild but still this guy tried something else to put it into action.
My mother used to fight hard to educate me. None in our family is educated. Though we had had financial struggles, still she wanted me to study hard. My father wanted that money for his business. There was always an altercation regarding this between them. The above said words came from his mouth then.
My afraid grand mother (mother’s mother) arranged money for both the purposes (my education and his business) and joined me in a Government aided school.
Father: “Thanks to your mother. I am bit settled now. We will go for a trip tomorrow to Madurai (Tamil Nadu). This will set our personal life too on track. “
Mother: “But why so soon? Let us plan well and inform everyone.”
Father: “We may not have that much of time. Early morning we are traveling.”
Date: No Idea.
Age: Probably 4 to 5 years. (I don’t remember the entire situation but I have a few scenes in my brain left)
Place: Vijayawada Railway station
Next day morning. We got general tickets. Technically all set for my first train journey.
We reached earlier to station and made sure we will get places to sit. Train is about to start in a few minutes.
Father: “I will get something to eat for all of us. Don’t worry if I am unable to make it. My friends and their families are in next coach and I will be there.”
All day I didn’t had food, my mother hadn’t had any money with her. She started to check in all general coaches but never found my father. Train reached Madurai. Two empty stomachs for almost a day and a half. One among them is an infant. She sat on the platform and the longing wait continued.
My family origin is from Tamil Nadu. My mom speaks a bit of Tamil. An elderly couple came to us. My mom explained the situation to them stating my father might have missed the train. They sensed something wrong. They offered us food and waited along with us for some time. Trains passed by and no hint of the man. Then they took us to their home.
I still remember a scene in which I am playing and my mom is feeding me Idli.

“你和你的母亲会继续在街上乞讨，而我，和我的第二任妻子，骑着我的新摩托车(上世纪90年代)，装满购物袋，会向你扔一个，同情你。—我的爸爸
每个人都有一些梦想，也许他们中的少数是狂野的，但这个人还是尝试了一些其他的东西把它付诸行动。
我母亲曾经努力让我接受教育。我们家没人受过教育。虽然我们有经济上的困难，但她仍然希望我努力学习。我父亲想用那笔钱做生意。关于这一点，他们之间经常发生争执。这句话是从他嘴里说出来的。
我害怕的外祖母（母亲的母亲）为这两个目的（我的教育和他的生意）安排了资金，并让我加入了一所政府资助的学校。
父亲：“多亏了你母亲。我现在有点安顿下来了。我们明天将去马杜赖（泰米尔纳德邦）旅行。这也将使我们的个人生活步入正轨。”
母亲：“但为什么这么快？让我们好好计划，并通知每个人。”
父亲：“我们可能没有那么多时间。一大早我们就出发了。”
日期：不知道。
年龄：大概4到5岁。（我不记得整个情况，但我脑子里还剩下一些场景）
地点：维贾亚瓦达火车站
第二天早上，我们拿到了普通票。从技术上讲，我的第一次火车旅行都准备好了。
我们提前到达车站，并确保我们能找到座位。几分钟后火车就要开动了。
父亲：“我会给大家弄点吃的。如果我来不了，别担心。我的朋友和他们的家人在下一节车厢，我会去的。”
一整天我都没吃东西，母亲身上也没带钱。她开始检查所有的普通车厢，但一直没有找到我父亲。火车开到了马杜赖。两个人的肚子饿了将近一天半。其中一个是婴儿。她坐在站台上，渴望的继续等待着。
我的家人来自泰米尔纳德邦。我妈妈会说一点泰米尔语。一对老夫妇来找我们。我妈妈向他们解释了情况，说我父亲可能错过了火车。他们感觉到有什么不对劲。他们给我们提供食物，和我们一起等了一段时间。火车经过，没有那个人的踪迹。然后他们把我们带回家。
我仍然记得一幕，我在玩，我妈妈在喂我蒸米浆糕。

Meanwhile back at home town.
Father: “I don’t know where she has gone. Probably found some nice guy than me and eloped.”
Neighbors: “We sensed this coming. At least she could have left her child here and do this.”
Father: (Weeping) “I never did any mistake and why god only tests me all the time.”
Grand Mother: Still didn’t believe that fox and started to search for us.
Probably a week after, my grand Mother received a letter written in Tamil. Yes you sensed it right. The letter was about our location.
Relieved, my grand parents rushed to Madurai. Thanked the couple a lot and were all set to start back.
The Couple: “We don't have any children. If it is ok for you we will adopt your child. We are financially good too. We will educate him. You people can come and see him whenever you want. You (My mother) are so young. (Yes she was married at 15). You still have lot of age. Divorce him and try to marry someone else.”
Mother: “I am really sorry for this. He(Me) is my life. The only reason for me to live. Every word of his father will go wrong from this day. My son will prove it wrong for me. He is my victory and I can’t let him go.”
Returned back. Divorced my father. Shut all the neighbours mouth by staying single till now. Proved him wrong.
When one parent disowned me, the other one imprisoned me with her love not just for one life but forever.
Not even my best of the best friends know this. May be I was afraid of the situation then but not now. Still this one is too personal and hence I prefer being anonymous.
After that I never heard of the person except in some moral stories taught by my mother. One day we witnessed a group of people after us, asking to repay their money. (My father has taken loans everywhere, spoiled the money and escaped to other cities. However the divorce papers came to our rescue.)
I am 23 now, finished my B.Tech, joined an MNC as Assistant Systems Engineer. Earning enough to clear the loans I made for my studies and to make a life out of it. I have plans of higher studies and I am working on them.
Now he is suffering from some disease and his leg is to be amputated. He is running low on financial resources and looking for some help. As a part of the plan it seems he wants to get in touch with me through some of our common relatives. I respectfully warned our relatives not even to dream so.

同时回到家乡。
父亲：“我不知道她去了哪里。可能找到了比我好的人私奔了。”
邻居们：“我们感觉到了这一点。至少她可以把孩子留在这里，没必要这样做。”
父亲：（哭泣）“我从来没有犯过错误，为什么上帝总是在考验我。”
祖母：还是不相信那只狐狸，开始寻找我们。
大概一周后，我的祖母收到了一封用泰米尔语写的信。是的，你感觉对了。这封信是关于我们的位置。
松了一口气，我的祖父母赶往马杜赖。非常感谢这对夫妇，他们都准备回去了。
这对夫妇说：“我们没有孩子。如果你觉得合适的话，我们会收养你的孩子。我们的经济状况也很好。我们会教育他。你可以随时来看他。你（我的母亲）太年轻了。（是的，她15岁就结婚了）。你还有很多年可以活。和他离婚，试着和别人结婚。”
母亲：“我真的很抱歉。他（我）就是我的生命—我活着的唯一理由。从今天起，他父亲说的每句话都是错的。我儿子会向我证明这是错的。他是我的胜利，我不能让他走。”
回来了。和我父亲离婚了，直到现在还单身，让所有邻居都闭嘴—证明他错了。
当父母中的一位与我断绝关系时，另一位用她的爱囚禁了我一辈子，甚至永远。
即使是我最好的朋友也不知道这一点。可能是我当时害怕这种情况，但现在不怕了。不过这个问题太私人了，所以我更喜欢匿名。
从那以后，除了在我母亲教的一些道德故事中，我再也没有听说过这个人。有一天，我们看到一群人在我们后面，要求偿还他们的钱。（我父亲到处贷款，把钱挥霍一空，逃到别的城市去了。然而，离婚文件拯救了我们。）
我现在23岁，完成了理工学士学位，加入了一家跨国公司，担任助理系统工程师。我的收入足以偿还我的学习贷款，并以此谋生。我有更高的学习计划，我正在努力。
现在他患有某种疾病，他的腿将被截肢。他正处于经济拮据状态，正在寻求帮助。作为计划的一部分，他似乎想通过我们共同的亲戚联系我。我恭敬地警告我们的亲戚们不要做这样的梦。