父母有最喜欢的孩子吗?(中)

Mary Shore
I have noticed that both my parents and grandparents have favorites. It’s actually unhealthy for both the favorite child and the least favorite child in regards to their development. I will go into details about that and my experience as the unfavorable offspring. I love my family, it’s just not right in my eyes to have a favorite. Your children need to feel adequate in their own family.
I have one sibling. She is the baby of the family and I am the first born. Parents tend to be much stricter and expect more out of their first child. So while I got better grades in school, she got away with murder (for example, I had a curfew while in college and she didn’t even have a curfew past the 10th grade). My father was very strict about curfew and would even stay up on the living room couch just to yell at me when I got home.
My parents always got my sister nicer things and responded to her needs more. She got a brand new car when she turned 16 and I got a beat up car that was 15 years old (I had to pay for it too, while she did not). Birthdays and the holidays especially confirmed that my sister was the favorite. One time she needed a minor surgery for not taking care of herself. My parents spent thousands on her surgery. That same year I needed a medical test for a disorder that can happen to anyone. They told me I could not have the test done (turns out I had to get it a few years later so I lived without knowing what was wrong for years).

我注意到我的父母和祖父母都有自己的最爱。这实际上对最受宠爱的孩子和最不受宠爱的孩子的成长都是不健康的。我会详细讲一下这一点以及我作为不受欢迎的后代的经历。我爱我的家人，只是在我看来，大人眼里有一个孩子是最爱的这个想法是不对的，毕竟每个孩子需要在自己的家庭中感到满足
我有兄弟姐妹。她是家里的孩子，我是长子。父母往往对第一个孩子更加严格，期望更高。所以，当我在学校取得更好的成绩时，她成绩好坏却无所谓(例如，我在大学时仍实行宵禁，而她甚至在10年级以后都没有宵禁)。我父亲对宵禁非常严格，甚至会在我回家时坐在客厅沙发上都对我大喊大叫。
我父母总是给我妹妹买更好的东西，并对她的需要做出更多的回应。她16岁时买了一辆崭新的车，我买了一辆破旧的车，用了15年的二手车（我也得付钱，而她没有付钱）。生日和假期尤其证明我妹妹是最受欢迎的那一个。有一次她因为没有照顾好自己而需要做一个小手术。我父母花了数千美元给她做手术。同年，我需要做一个医学测试，看是否有可能发生在任何人身上的疾病。他们告诉我我不能做这个测试(结果我不得不在几年后做这个测试，多年来，我都不知道哪里出了问题。

I have a neurological disorder so my parents always kind of considered me a burden. Medical bills over the years made them resent me more. My sister was healthy and went on to have a great life. She had a college degree with a job, while I worked what I could despite also going to school. They always kept pushing me to do things I wasn’t capable of physically and getting angry when I couldn’t do those things .
The day that really hit me the most was when I was cleaning the house. I cleaned it for my mom because she had a hectic week at work. I was still in high school at the time hoping I could do anything to make my parents find a redeeming quality in me. When I went to clean her room there were only pictures of my sister in it. I couldn’t understand what I had done to make her favor my sister, I just knew that she did. It really hurt me.
I was a little rebellious in school due to how strict and religious my parents were. They were overly strict towards me so naturally I rebelled more. I never did drugs, drank, or got pregnant but I would skip school sometimes or do silly things to bother them since I knew they didn’t care for me much anyways (my GPA was perfect though). They used to call me the “problem child” .
I am a very self taught person because I was isolated by my family. I even taught my sister a lot of her skills in life. My sister has trouble dealing with the real world compared to me because she didn’t face many consequences for her actions. When she got her first apartment it was a mess because I was the one who did all the chores growing up. She wouldn’t wash her dishes or anything. Doesn’t know how to mow the yard, etc. She also gets anxiety grocery shopping, driving, and talking to people. Although I am a leader and not a follower like her, I am more damaged. The emotional scars my parents left on me growing up will never fade. My sister will not have that emotional burden in her life.
My family endured a lot of hardships and for some reason it was easier for them to have an outlet (aka me). If you are a parent reading this try to connect with all of your children in some way. They will all have different personalities. It may be harder to connect with one over the other but you should never treat them like they are any less worthy of your affection.

我有神经障碍，所以我父母总是认为我是个负担。这些年来的医药费让他们更加恨我。我妹妹很健康，过去一直过着美好的生活。她有一个大学学位和一份工作，，尽管我也在上学，我也尽我所能工作。他们总是催促我去做我身体上做不到的事情，当我做不到这些事情时，他们就会生气。
对我打击最大的一天是我在打扫房子的时候。我帮妈妈打扫房间，因为她这一周工作很忙。那时我还在上高中，我希望我能做任何事，让我的父母在我身上发现我的好。当我去打扫她的房间时，发现里面只有我妹妹的照片。我不明白我做了什么让她喜欢我妹妹，我只知道她这样做了，我真的很伤心。
我在学校有点叛逆，因为我的父母非常严格和对宗教很虔诚。因此他们对我也严格，所以我自然会越加反抗。我从未吸毒、酗酒或怀孕，但我有时会逃学或做一些愚蠢的事情来打扰他们，因为我知道他们并不怎么在乎我(尽管我的平均成绩是极好的)。他们过去常称我为“问题儿童”。
我是一个自学成才的人，因为我被家人孤立了。我甚至教了我妹妹很多生活技能。与我相比，我妹妹在处理现实世界方面有困难，因为她没有为自己的行为承担太多后果。当她拿到第一套公寓时，房子里一片狼藉，因为我是从小做家务。她不洗盘子什么的。她不知道如何修剪院子，等等。她还为去杂货店购物、开车和与人交谈而担心。虽然我是一个领导者，而不是像她那样的追随者，但我受到的伤害更大。父母在我成长过程中留下的情感创伤永远不会消失。我妹妹的生活中则没有情绪负担。
我的家人经历了很多困难，出于某种原因，他们更容易找到情绪发泄口（也就是我）。如果你是读这篇文章的家长，试着以某种方式与你所有的孩子建立联系。他们都会有不同的个性。与其中一方沟通可能会比与另一方沟通更困难，但你永远不应该把他们当作不值得你爱的人来对待。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Elena Ledoux
I have one brother. He was born with a heart defect and when he was a baby, had to undergo a surgery during which his heart stopped. He was barely resuscitated. After that he had a really hard time in school - barely making the grades. He was also frequently crying and didn’t have many friends. He barely graduated from college and never developed any career or even a hobby. He’s still unmarried and not dating anyone.
By a mile, my brother is a favorite child of my parents. They live with him and take care of his every need, even though he is not disabled. Every step forward he makes get celebrated by them. And every mistake gets overlooked. I, their superachiever child, get filed under “everything is OK with her.” I get phone calls when some type of service is needed, like fixing or replacing something that’s broken.
I observe the same for many of my friends.
Parents’ favorite child is usually the runt of the litter.

我有一个弟弟。他生来就有心脏缺陷，当他还是个婴儿时，不得不接受心脏停止跳动的手术。当时几乎没有苏醒过来。在那之后，他在学校过得很艰难—几乎没有取得过好成绩。他也经常哭泣，没有多少朋友。他勉强从大学毕业，一直没有参加工作，甚至没有任何爱好。他还没结婚，也没有约会对象
我弟弟是我父母最喜欢的孩子。他们和他住在一起，照顾他的一切需要，尽管他没有残疾。他每向前迈一步都会受到他们的庆祝。每一个错误都会被忽略。我，他们眼中的优等生，被归到“她一切都好。”当需要某种服务时，我就会接到电话，比如修理或更换坏了的东西。
父母最宠爱的孩子通常是一群孩子中最弱小的那个。

Kay Stoneson, caterer, writer, wife & mama, world traveler

Kay Stoneson，餐饮服务商，作家，妻子和母亲，世界旅行者

This question reminds me of an old story I once read.
There was an older lady dying of cancer, and she had 3 children, all adults. As her time was coming to an end, all of the children were called in to say their final good byes. The mother had prepared a personal letter to each child, not to be opened until her demise, and called them in one by one to talk to them each one final time.
The first child goes in and takes his mother’s hand. She begins to speak, “Son, you are my oldest, my first born, and you have always been my favorite. We grew together and learned so much about life, you taught me more than I ever could have taught you. You have shown patience and wisdom beyond your years. You have given me my first grandchild, a beautiful little girl with your eyes. I love you, and you’ll always be my favorite.” The oldest son leaves with tears in his eyes.
The second child then enter her mother’s room and sits. The mother begins to speak. “My beautiful daughter, you are and have always been my favorite. You have a vibrant creativity and personality. You march to the beat of the music in your heart, and you are true to yourself. You have taught me strength and courage, to dance and not care who is watching. Your charm and humor have been wonderful to experience. There is nobody else like you in the world, my favorite child. I love you the most and always will.” The daughter choked up, said her tearful goodbyes to her mother, and took her leave.

这个问题让我想起了我曾经读过的一个老故事。
有一位年长的女士死于癌症，她有三个孩子，都是成年人。当她的时代即将结束时，所有的孩子都被叫进来说最后的再见。这位母亲为每个孩子准备了一封私人信件，在她去世之前都不许打开，并把他们一个接一个地叫了进来，最后一次和他们交谈。
第一个孩子走进来，牵着他母亲的手。她开始说话，“儿子，你是长子，我的长子，你一直是我的最爱。我们一起长大，彼此了解也很多，你教给我的比我教给你的更多。你表现出了超越你年龄的耐心和智慧。你给我带来第一个孙子，一个长着和你眼睛一样美丽的小女孩。我爱你，你永远都是我的孩子。”大儿子眼里含着泪水离开了。
第二个孩子进入她母亲的房间坐下，母亲开始说话。“我美丽的女儿，你一直都是我的最爱。你有着充满活力的创造力和个性。你随着内心音乐的节拍前进，你忠于自己。你教会了我力量和勇气，去跳舞吧，而不在乎谁在观看。你的魅力和幽默让我体验到了美妙。没有人能感受到你。”我喜欢你，我最爱的孩子。我最爱你，永远爱你。”女儿哽咽着，含泪向母亲道别，然后离开了。

The youngest child, another boy, enters his mother’s room. She takes his hand and looks into his eyes, then begins to speak. “My baby boy, you have always been my favorite. I love you more than anything else in this world. You gave me the gift of joy, and showed me perseverance in it’s finest form. You have struggled, and you have overcame obstacles in this life when most people would have given up. You kept putting one foot in front of each other, over and over, until you were the leader of the pack. You have shown kindness to strangers, helped others that were less fortunate, opened your heart to others that society had given up hope on. I love you the most and always have.” The youngest child smiles through his tears and thanked his mother for her parting words to him.
The mother passed away in the night, and each child opened an identical letter the next morning. It read, “ All of you were always my favorite. You were all different and taught me different lessons in life. Each of you is unique, and I have loved every single thing about each of you. You are all my favorites for very different reasons, and I have loved all of you the most. You have made my life rich in so many ways. I never had to choose, I have enough love in my heart for each of you, and every time I have invested my love in each of you, you have returned that investment a million times over. You see, my children, love is the only thing you can give away and receive more of in return.”
I have always loved this perception. A mother loves each child for their unique qualities. No one is the favorite if everyone is.

最小的孩子，另一个男孩，走进他母亲的房间。她握住他的手，看着他的眼睛，然后开始说话。“我的宝贝，你一直是我最爱的人。我爱你胜过世界上的任何东西。你给了我快乐的礼物，并以最好的形式向我展示了毅力。你奋斗过，你克服了生活中大多数人都会放弃的障碍。你不停地把一只脚放在对方前面，一次又一次，而不是直到你成为领头羊。你对陌生人表现出友善，帮助了其他不幸的人，向社会已经放弃希望的人敞开了心扉。我最爱你，永远爱你。”最小的孩子含泪微笑，感谢母亲对他说的离别话。
母亲在夜里去世了，第二天早上每个孩子都打开了一封相同的信，信上写着：，“你们都是我最爱的人。你们彼此不同，在生活中给我上了不同的课。你们每个人都是独一无二的，我爱你们每个人的每一件事。你们都是我最爱的人，因为不同的原因，我也最爱你们。你们让我的生活在很多方面都很丰富。我从来没有选择过（最爱哪一个），我心中对你们每一个人都有足够的爱，每次我把我的爱投入到你们每一个人身上，你们都回报了我的投资一百万倍。你看，我的孩子们，爱是唯一你可以付出和得到更多回报的东西。”
我一直很喜欢这种感觉：一位母亲爱每个孩子，因为他们都有独特的品质。如果每个人都是最受欢迎的，那么没有人是最受欢迎的。

Alexander Finnegan, I have three children and all of them are very different

亚历山大·芬尼根，我有三个孩子，他们都很不一样

Poisonous snakes bite your children, giving them 30 minutes to live. Sucking out the venom won’t work. There is only one cure—anti-snake juice. You have one dose. No others are available.
Which child do you save?
This question haunts me. Why? Because it would force me to choose the life of one of my children against the others. The child chosen would, by default, be the favorite, right? Maybe not. It could be you don’t have a favorite child, and you make your choice by drawing straws. That might be easier on your conscience. And it might be easier on the survivors, though no doubt older children might experience survivor guilt.
Some parents clearly have favorites.
I once asked my father, about 10 years ago, which child was his favorite. I asked this jokingly.
“You,” he said.
I was shocked at the admission. But how could you blame him? My brother left the family and moved out West. My father was suffering from multiple sclerosis and needed help, and my brother abandoned him.
Someone asked my maternal grandfather the same question. He had 9 children.
“You’re my favorite,” he said. “That is why I tell all of my kids when they ask.”
That was a clever way to answer it.
My wife and I struggled for years with infertility before we had our twins and daughter. So they are really wanted and appreciated. It would be crushing for them to read this, many years from now, and discover I might be partial to one child over another. They all love me. And I love them, very much.
So who is my favorite?
It depends upon who is asking the question.
They are all my favorites because I am grateful to have them.

毒蛇咬了你的孩子，他们只剩下30分钟的生命，把毒液吸出来是没用的。只有一剂解毒药，没有其他可用的。
你救哪个孩子？
这个问题困扰着我，为什么？因为这会迫使我选择让一个孩子活下，这意味着放弃其他孩子。被选择的孩子默认为是最喜欢的，对吗？也许不是。也可能是你没有最喜欢的孩子，你通过抽签来做出选择。这样你的良心会好过些。这对幸存者来说可能更容易被接受，尽管毫无疑问，年龄较大的孩子更可能会有幸存者负罪感。
有些父母显然有偏爱的孩子。
大约10年前，我曾开玩笑地问父亲，他最喜欢哪个孩子。
“你，”他说。
我对他如此说感到震惊，但是你怎么能责怪他呢？我哥哥离开了家，搬到了西部。我父亲患有多发性硬化症，需要帮助，而我哥哥抛弃了他。
有人问我外祖父同样的问题，他有9个孩子。
“你是我的最爱，”他说。“这就是为什么当我所有孩子们如此问我时，我都会告诉他们。”
这是一个聪明的回答。
在我们生下双胞胎和女儿之前，我和妻子被不孕症困扰了多年。所以他们真的很受欢迎。很多年后，如果他们读到这篇文章，发现我可能偏爱一个孩子而不是另一个孩子，那将是非常痛苦的。他们都爱我，我也非常爱他们。
我最喜欢谁？
这取决于谁在问这个问题。
它们都是我的最爱，因为我很感激拥有它们。

Fikriye Kurban
I always wanted a girl. My first one is a boy. I was disappointed at first then came the hurdles of parenting and then love. It took a while to feel attached to him. It wasn’t a love at first. At age one, he was diagnosed with autism. I grieved the first two weeks, stopped functioning. I spend the rest of my time, energy and money on providing him the best services we could afford. During that time, I deeply fell in love with him. I never loved anyone, anything the way I loved him. when he turned three, we started thinking about having a second one and hoping that it will be a girl so she could be his companion after we are gone. This was crucial for us as we are immigrants and have no family in where we are. After three miscarriages, we were pregnant and it was a girl. She turned out to be the most compassionate, socially smart, loving and caring little girl one can have. She was perfect! She healed all of us with her energy and brought a new dynamic we had never imagined to have in our lives. She was the best thing we did for my son. No therapies or therapist could compete with her influence over our son. One day I asked them what was the best days of their lives,he said it was the day she was born. That’s how he loves her. I love them both but there is something different about the way I feel about my son. I protect him more, I spend more time with him. I tutor him, teach him social skills. I worry about him. I fear about his future despite all the progress he has made and all the qualities he has. I see him as more fragile, more sensitive and more emotional than his sister. I love them both but I give more of my love to him then to her because he will get less from others. I know this is not right but it is only fair to him. She is strong willed, determined and already ahead of her peers. She takes the spot wherever she goes whereas he is mostly invisible to others and I have to fill in the gap as much as I can. I don’t favor him, but it may look to others and to her as if I do and I hope that I will be able to explain this to her when she grows up.

我一直想要一个女孩。我的第一胎是一个男孩。起初我很失望，后来又遇到了养育子女和爱情的障碍。花了一段时间才对他产生了依恋感。一开始这不是一种爱。一岁时，他被诊断出患有自闭症。头两周我很伤心，停止了工作。我把剩下的时间、精力和金钱花在为他提供我们能负担得起的最好的服务上。在那段时间里，我深深地爱上了他。我从来没有像爱他那样爱过任何人，任何事。当他三岁的时候，我们开始考虑再生一胎，希望那是一个女孩，这样我们走后她可以成为他的同伴。这对我们来说至关重要，因为我们是移民，在这里没有家庭可依靠。三次流产后，我们怀孕了，是个女孩。事实证明，她是一个最富有同情心、社交能力最强、最可爱、最关心别人的小女孩,她是完美的！她用她的能量治愈了我们所有人，带来了一种我们从未想象过的新的活力。她是我们为我儿子做的最好的事情。没有任何疗法或治疗师能与她对我们儿子的影响力相抗衡。有一天，我问他们生命中最美好的日子是什么时候，他说那是她出生的日子。这就是他爱她的方式。我爱他们两个，但我对我儿子的感觉有所不同。我更多地保护他，我花更多的时间和他在一起。我辅导他，教他社交技巧。我担心他。我担心他的未来，尽管他已经取得了所有的进步和所有的素质。我认为他比他的妹妹更脆弱、更敏感、更情绪化。我爱他们两个，但我给他的爱比给她的多，因为他会从别人那里得到更少。我知道这是不对的，但这对他是公平的。妹妹意志坚强，决心坚定，已经优于同龄人。无论她走到哪里，她都会占据这个位置，而其他人几乎看不见他，我必须尽可能地填补这个空缺。我不喜欢他，但别人和她可能会觉得我喜欢他，我希望我能在她长大后向她解释这一点。

Anonymous
A lot of people have answered as being the lesser loved.
So let’s take it from a different perspective.
I’m the youngest out of four siblings and i’m still a teen. But from the day I was born,I knew that my life was gonna be messed up.
And i was right.
My family consists of four kids, a girl, a boy, and two other girls. My dad …
well, he didn’t really like the first kid.
My mom was going through her first pregnancy and she was having a really bad time .The fetus was having problems and they gave my mom two options:
The kid can die, or you can die. Choose.
My mom refused and fought for her kid’s life, but my dad was really disappointed when he found out it was a girl. Typical Muslim dad?

很多人的回答都是被爱的不够。
所以让我们从另一个角度来看待它。
我是四个兄弟姐妹中最小的，目前我还是个十几岁的孩子。但从我出生的那天起，我就知道我的生活会一团糟，我的感觉是对的。
我家有四个孩子，一个女孩，一个男孩和另外两个女孩。我爸爸不太喜欢第一个孩子。
当时我妈妈正在经历第一次怀孕，她过得非常糟糕。胎儿有问题，他们给了我妈妈两个选择：
孩子和大人选择一个活下来。
我妈妈拒绝了，并为孩子的生命而战，但当我爸爸发现孩子是个女孩时，他真的很失望，典型的穆斯林父亲？

He wasn’t there for the delivery.
My mom suffered alone, and the kid was born with all sorts of sicknessses and illnesses. They nursed the kid back to health, but she was still weak.
Three years later
They had a baby boy and that’s when everything started.
My parents doted on my brother. They did everything for him and they also spoiled my oldest sister. For a while, life was good. They had two kids. A boy and a girl. The girl got pretty good grades and the boy probably had an IQ of 150.
Then, 8years later.Another baby girl.
She didn’t make much noise, just needed the basic requirements and sleep. Obviously, everyone loved the kid, but she didn’t get much attention as the other two did.
When this kid was 3/4 years old, she marched up to her mom and looked up saying.
“I want someone to play with, Mama. Can I get another sister or brother?”
My mom was taken aback, but smiled. “Okay, sure, we’ll see.”

他留下我妈妈一个人分娩而离开。
我妈妈一个人受苦，孩子生下来就有各种各样的疾病。他们悉心照料这孩子，使她恢复了健康，但妈妈仍然很虚弱。
三年后，他们有一个男婴，从那时起一切都开始了。
我父母溺爱我弟弟。他们为他做了一切，还宠坏了我的姐姐。有一段时间，生活是美好的。他们有两个孩子。一个男孩和一个女孩。女孩的成绩很好，男孩的智商大概是150。
然后，8年后，另一个女婴出生了。
她没有制造太多噪音，只是需要基本的要求和睡眠。显然，每个人都喜欢这个孩子，但她没有得到其他两个孩子那样多的关注。
当这个孩子3、4岁的时候，她走到她妈妈面前，抬起头说。
“我想找个人一起玩，妈妈。我能再有一个妹妹或弟弟吗？”
我妈妈大吃一惊，但还是笑了。“好的，当然，我们将会看到。”