忘记你爱的人最好的方法是什么？（二）

Beverly Chua, Google Ambassador at Google Announces Alphabet (2013-present)
I really get over someone I truly loved.
That was 7 years ago, I have been completely get over until I do not need to stick with him like I cannot live without him. Financially I need him to give me every dollars, I am feeling miserable during that time, I always live in insecure mode even though I share business with him as the business brings money.
I really cannot live alone without someone sleeping beside me. I am feeling miserable that I can no longer sleep well if I am sleeping alone by just hugging pillow. My unstable inner me really cause me lots of sleepless night. My mind is overactive until I think about anything. That kind of depression is really takes time to recover.

我真的忘记了我真正爱的人。
那是7年前的事了，以前我没有他简直就活不下去，直到我不再需要和他在一起我才完全释怀了。经济上，我需要他给我钱，那段时间我感觉很痛苦，我总是生活在不安全的模式，即使我和他共做生意，因为生意带来钱。
没有人陪我睡觉，我真的无法独自生活。如果我一个人抱着枕头睡不好觉，感到很痛苦。我内心的不稳定真的让我很多个夜晚失眠。在我想任何事情之前我的大脑都是过度活跃的。这种抑郁症需要时间才能恢复。

In the mean time, I long time depending on my best friend I thought to overcome the feeling of anxiety of being independent. I cannot do anything I am feeling I am living on an Island. Crying cannot solve my problems. I have been a long term dependent for my first marriage. I don’t care about what people around think about me, fat or thin, spending lots of money or what.
I have been sent to see a Psychiatrist about my depression with a big stone inside my heart. I ought to take medicine for so many years to get over. I am very serious feeling miserable. I cannot smile or dancing at all. My face is pale , where is life and what is life going to be after all this life that I have built for so many years, everyone in The Family thought I am already very good in every aspects especially I do not need to work for others. That is the best part, everyone in The Family think of.
OMG, I do not even know how to drive in the middle of city Kuala Lumpur. I don’t even own a car but always depending on my driver. I do not how to shopping in The Kuala Lumpur anymore if I do not have him to take me everywhere or guide me in many things in my life especially about my career. God, please send someone to guide me through my life.

与此同时，我长时间依靠我最好的朋友，我想克服的焦虑是独立的感觉。我什么都做不了，我觉得我是生活在一个孤岛上。哭泣不能解决我的问题。在我的第一次婚姻中，我是一个长期的依赖者。我不在乎周围的人怎么看我，胖还是瘦，花了很多钱还是什么。
我被送去看精神病医生，因为我的抑郁症，心里总有一块大石头。我吃多年药才能恢复过来。我很认真，感觉很痛苦。我不会笑，也不会跳舞。我的脸很苍白，家人都认为我在各方面都很好，特别是我不需要为别人工作。这是最棒的部分，家族里的每个人都认为。
天哪，我甚至不知道在吉隆坡市中心怎么开车。我甚至没有车，但我总是依靠我的司机。如果我的生活中没有他带我去任何地方或指导我许多事情，特别是关于我的职业生涯，我就不知道如何在吉隆坡购物了。上帝，请派一个人来指引我的人生。

I have taken seven years to get over what my first marriage has brought to me. I have rebuild my everything again. I have stand up again. My life has been re-established again. I have sought everything one after one, collecting bullets becoming very important as I must prove to everyone in The Family I am totally well in my decision after the gossips, the opinions, the comments, the advice, the guidance has been given much and most of the time is by my second Tycoon Husband that he has been accompany me 24 hours for 7 years already from friend to husband and more surprise to come. His creative treatments is really working, jealousy non-stop with focusing on him.
I am richer now than before in the world. I always use calculator to count my money in bank. I am waiting to get my big car and my cozy apartment. I just want to prove I am able to pay for the maintenance in the long run with no problems no worries, smiley face with cheerful heart all the time. I really thank my Computer Engineer for being such a great life partner in managing my emotions and overall development until this stage I am well performed without much anxiety.
I love you three forever, my hubby, my precious son Hangh Honey, my adopted daughter Chloe Wojin and my adopted son Benji Wojin!

我花了七年时间才从第一次婚姻给我带来的伤痛中走出来。我已经重建了我的一切。我又站起来了。我的生活又重新开始了。我一个接一个地寻找每一样东西，因为我必须向家庭中的每个人证明，在经历流言、意见、评论和建议之后，我的决定完全正确，我的第二任大亨丈夫给了我很多指导，他已经全天候陪伴了我7年，从朋友到丈夫，还有更多的惊喜。他的创造性治疗真的很有效，他周围一直围绕着嫉妒的人。
我现在比以前更富有了。我总是用计算器数我在银行里的钱。我在等着买大车和舒适的公寓。我只是想证明我有能力支付长期的维修费用，没有问题，没有烦恼，一直带着愉快的笑脸。我真的很感谢我的电脑工程师，他是这样一个伟大的生活伴侣，管理我的情绪和全面发展，直到这个阶段，我表现得很好，没有太多的焦虑。
我永远爱你们三个（原文表述有误应该是4人），我的丈夫，我的宝贝儿子Hangh Honey，我的养女Chloe Wojin和我的养子Benji Wojin!

Igman Fermont, Independent: Writer, Editor, Filmmaker, Poet.
You could date several guys in a lifetime, and a lot of names will just *phoof* disappear in your memory. Some what when you really love somebody, you don't even forget his last name, you are lucky if you forget on what day his birthday lands, 30 years from now.
So how do you move on? I could write a book ha! I can only say that unless you find someone to share a common goal: buying a home, building a family, kids. You will never leave behind that part of your past. You have to build a new chapter, a big one, a significant one.
During the meantime, I encourage you do some free liberating own therapy. You know some exercise to let things go. For example
When you're alone, grab a chair or an obxt you can relate, and say all the good, all the bad about the relationship, and say goodbye. It helps a lot doing it alone and not talking it with your ex partner. Cause its a private thing, a part of you need that extra closure and need to hear it, from you. Your own voice.
After you done that, I would just grab everything of his, like letters, photos and put it on box, and don't burn it, don't throw it. Just keep it safe, in a corner or shelf, somewhere you wouldn't everyday see. Put some a positive note on top, like “thank you for everything, or it was great while it lasted” anything that is positive and somehow a goodbye. Cause its not about burning things or dating like crazy, its about acceptance.
Lastly if you ever think of him, you know like that blue moon that hits you asunder when you least expect it, and leaves you breathless. Well write about it, about him or the memory that came to your head, maybe a letter, a note, or even a poem. However you want to express it, but let it out. Save it, put it somewhere safe and not in your everyday sight. Its not meant to be read, its about not hiding your past. And accepting the present and being okay with that.

你一生可以和好几个男人约会，很多名字会在你的记忆中消失。如果你真的爱一个人，你甚至不会忘记他的姓，如果30年后你忘了他的生日是哪一天，那你就很幸运了。
那么你该如何继续前进呢?我可以写一本书哈!我只能说，除非你找到一个有共同目标的人:买房子，建立家庭，生孩子。你将永远不会忘记你的过去。你必须建立一个新的篇章，开启非常重要的篇章。
在此期间，我鼓励你做一些自由解放的治疗。你知道一些让事情顺其自然过去的锻炼。例如：
当你一个人的时候，找一把椅子或一个你能联想到的东西，把这段关系的好与坏都说出来，然后说再见。一个人时做这件事很有帮助，而不是和你的前伴侣说。因为这是你私人的事情，你需要从你那里听到自己那部分的关于它结束的声音。
你这么做之后，估计是时候把他所有的东西都拿过来，比如信件，照片，放在盒子里，不要烧掉，也不要扔出去。把它放在一个角落或架子上，一个你每天都不会看到的地方。在最上面写一些积极的东西，比如“谢谢你所做的一切，或者曾经非常棒”任何积极的东西，然后以某种方式说再见。因为这不是烧东西或疯狂约会，这是接受。
最后，如果你曾经想过他，你知道，就像蓝色的月亮在你最意想不到的时候把你撞碎，让你喘不过气来。那就写下来，写他或者你脑海中出现的记忆，也许是一封信，一张便条，甚至一首诗。不管你想怎么表达，但要把它释放出来。把它保存起来，放在一个安全的地方，而不是你每天看到的地方。这不是用来阅读的，这是关于不要隐藏你的过去。接受现实，一切都会好起来的。

TK Diamond, Novelist.
Two things:
First thing - this is pretty internally brutal but it works if given some time to allow the habit to establish. You get control of your heart by getting control of your mind. Use your mind to control your thoughts because your thoughts of the ex are driving the emotions ala “can’t get over” them. Whenever the thought of that person comes up you have to replace it with another thought or thoughts. All those little things you miss about them, the things you used to do together, etc. are all anchored in the past and to that person and can be considered negative because they drive that feeling of not getting over them - because you’re not. You’re still thinking about them. Replace these by creating some future-based, social opportunities that you look forward to doing; a holiday, a trip, something, anything… but it has to be something you enjoy doing, love even and look forward to, preferably with other people. Ever time that nagging little thought comes up you then think about what you’ll be doing in the future and every time it tries to come back you switch back across to thinking about the future thing. Every time. Every single time. This way you train your thoughts away from the missed person and onto something you look forward to doing.
Roger wilco. You can get good at this. Too good actually. Before you know it you’ve turned off a lot of your emotional self with this so take it easy / be careful with this one. Once you find yourself being able to laugh at it all, the breakup, things that happened, regrets… then your work here is done.
Second thing - some things we aren’t meant to “get over”. If you really did love the person then that feeling might be there for a long time, forever maybe but what you need to do is realise that is perfectly normal and the strength of the feeling relaxes over time until you become a little more comfortable with it. You might still find yourself, every now and then, thinking back to that person and that feeling of missing them will come back - but it won’t be that overarchingly strong that it makes you feel helpless. You’ll accept it. You’ll move on. Life will go on - as it always does.

两件事:
首先、这在内心是相当残酷的，但如果给你一些时间让习惯形成，它会起作用。你通过控制你的思想来控制你的心。用你的思想来控制你的想法，因为你对前任的想法会让你产生“无法摆脱”的情绪。每当想到那个人的时候，你就必须用另一个或多个想法来代替它。所有那些你想念的关于他们的小事情，你们曾经一起做的事情等等，都是固定在过去和那个人身上的，可以被认为是消极的，因为它们让你觉得无法忘记这些事情——实际也没有忘记。你还在想着他们。取而代之的是创造一些你期待去做的基于未来的社交机会;假期，旅行，任何事情，但必须是你喜欢做的事情，甚至是你喜欢和期待的事情，最好是和其他人一起。每当那个烦人的小想法出现的时候，你就会想你将来要做什么，而每当它试图回来的时候，你就会转回去想未来的事情。一次又一次，这样，你就可以训练你的思想远离你想念的人，而转向你期待做的事情。
收到，你可以做得很好，太好了。在你意识到它之前，你已经关闭了你的很多自我的情绪，所以放松，这个时候要小心。一旦你发现自己可以对这一切一笑置之，对分手、发生的事情、后悔都一笑置之，那么你在这里的工作就完成了。
第二件事、有些事情我们不打算“克服”。如果你真的爱这个人，那么这种感觉可能会持续很长一段时间，也许永远，但你需要做的是意识到这是完全正常的，这种感觉的力量随着时间的推移会放松，直到你对它感到更舒服。你可能仍然会时不时地想起那个人，想念他们的感觉也会回来—但这种感觉不会强烈到让你感到无助。你会接受它。你会继续前进。生活将一如既往地继续下去。

Prasanna Venkatesh, Engineer by profession and writer by passion
Do you ever really get over someone you truly loved?
To be really honest, you cannot stop loving someone even though it is in the past or it is unrequited. If it is just lust, staying away will help. If you love the other person truly, then that love will never fade. Just accept that she/he doesn’t want you in her/his life anymore and stay away from that person. May be time and distance will help both of you to realize what you both mean to each other. Till then stay away, otherwise you will be hurt so much. Time doesn’t heal anything. It just teaches you to live with that pain. True love will never go away and you cannot forget that person. But remember that if things are to happen, they will realize someday. I am still crying as I write this one, because I know how much it hurts to be ignored by the one who means a lot to me. Save yourself from that pain.
Sometimes we don't get closure all the time and it is not required either. We just have to learn to live with that pain.
It was two long years after she asked me to stay away from her. February 12th, 2016, Fate or coincidence, we both met each other again at a restaurant on the same day I proposed her, two years back in 2014. Not as strangers again, this time with memories. I stood frozen as I was so happy to see her again with our mutual friends. She couldn't look at me as she was probably feeling guilty and overwhelmed or because she was indifferent. Emotions ruled the scene. All the Worlds a stage and both of us were the leads in the play called LIFE. I composed my thoughts, gathered up the courage and shook hands with her and told a "hi" smiling outside, but weeping inside. The moment where I guided her hair behind her ears in the latest picture of hers flashed in my mind and all those emotions of love and togetherness preoccupied my mind. All she could think was "I know how much you are hurt and I don't know what am I going to do to make up for it". Our minds spoke these words and the other person exactly deciphered the other's thoughts. And we both left saying a "Hi", still hoping that the other should be happy. Sometimes silence speaks a thousand words, with more deep meaning. Words take back stage. Love is much more than just a feeling.
True Love waits with patience, but sometimes true love alone is not enough. There is no past tense in love. You always will love. May be the heart will try to heal and learn to live with that pain, the biggest problem is to silence the mind and move on. If it is meant to be, it will be someday. Only time and Destiny can answer.

你有没有忘记过你真正爱的人?
说实话，你不能停止爱一个人，即使那是过去的事或者是没有回报的事。如果只是欲望，远离会有帮助。如果你真的爱另一个人，那这份爱就永远不会褪色。接受这个事实，她/他的生活中不再需要你了，离那个人远点。也许时间和距离会帮助你们意识到你们对彼此的意义。在那之前离我远点，否则你会受伤的。时间并不能治愈一切。它只是教会你带着痛苦生活。真正的爱永远不会消失，你不会忘记那个人。但要记住，如果事情真的发生了，他们总有一天会意识到的。写这封信的时候，我仍然在哭泣，因为我知道，被一个对我来说很重要的人忽视是多么伤人。把你自己从痛苦中拯救出来吧。
有时我们并不是一直都能得到解脱，这也不是必需的。我们只需要学会忍受这种痛苦。
那是她让我离她远点的整整两年之后。2016年2月12日，不知是命运还是巧合，在我向她求婚的同一个日子，我们又在一家餐厅相遇了，那是在2014年。再也不像陌生人，这一次带着回忆。我愣住了，因为我很高兴又看到她和我们共同的朋友在一起。她不能看我，因为她可能感到内疚和不知所措，或者因为她漠不关心。《所有的世界》是一个舞台，我们俩都是《生活》这出戏的主角。我整理了一下思绪，鼓起勇气和她握了握手，向她打了个招呼，外面笑着，心里却在哭泣。在她最新的照片中，我把她的头发梳到耳后的那一刻，我的脑海里闪过，所有那些爱和团结的情感占据了我的脑海。她所能想到的只是:“我知道你受到了多大的伤害，我不知道我要做什么来弥补。”我们的大脑说出了这些话，而对方准确地理解了对方的想法。我们都说了声“嗨”离开了，仍然希望对方能幸福。有时沉默胜过千言万语，但意味更深刻。言语被收回舞台。爱不仅仅是一种感觉。
真爱是耐心等待的，但有时只有真爱是不够的。爱情中没有过去时。你会永远爱我。也许心会试图愈合并学会带着痛苦生活，最大的问题是让头脑沉默并继续前进。如果命中注定，总有一天会的。只有时间和命运才能回答。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处

Unrequited love is really painful. Especially if your feelings are genuine and you love her to the truest of your senses. It kills you everyday to realize that she doesn't love you back yet. And worse is getting ignored. But the thing about love is, it is always unconditional. You love her because you want to, not because you want her to love you back. That's what love is all about. Just be true to your feelings and try to stay away from her in order to avoid the pain. Unrequited love is one of the most painful things we can ever experience. It's not even like getting over a dead person. Getting over someone you love truly is an extremely difficult task. Someday your heart will learn to live with it. It may not completely move on, but it will try to heal and live with it. The problem is to just silence the mind.
It hurts. It hurts real bad. It stings. There is a pang in your heart every single time you think about her. You care for her that much and you love her that much. You experienced pinnacle of happiness when you were with her, and now when she leaves, you experience nadir of sadness. It really hurts because you still care and you will care, even though she is with you or not. Your heart will still care.
But just remember it wasn't easy for her to let you go. Sometimes they leave because they can't see you sad. My girl left me that way and I completely get her view on this. She cared for me as a real friend and I love her even more. It stings me and I feel how much it would have hurt her too. She asked me to stay away for I can move on, little did she know that she was the one whom I genuinely love after my parents. I am still staying away for I want her to be happy. For her to be guilt free. I can't see her sad any day.
We all know how much it stings us because we experience it. But we all should know how much it would hurt them too. I really care about her and her happiness still. That is what love and care is all about. If it was just distance and time that would make someone unlove, then love would be an easy thing. It isn't. True love will never fade. It still stings but there is sweetness in that pain and tears are more sweeter.

暗恋真的很痛苦。特别是如果你的感情是真诚的，你是真心爱她的。当你意识到她还爱你的时候，你每天都很痛苦。更糟糕的是被忽视了。但关于爱，它总是无条件的。你爱她是因为你想爱她，而不是因为你想她也爱你。这就是爱的真谛。只要真实地面对自己的感受，为了避免痛苦，尽量远离她。单恋是我们经历过的最痛苦的事情之一。这甚至不像是忘记一个死人。忘记你真正爱的人是一项极其困难的任务。总有一天你会学会接受它。它可能不会完全向前看，但它会努力愈合并与之共存。问题是要让头脑安静下来。
这很伤心。每次你想到她，心里都会感到一阵刺痛。你那么关心她，那么爱她。当你和她在一起时，你经历了幸福的顶峰，而现在当她离开时，你经历了悲伤的谷底。这真的很痛，因为你仍然在乎，而且你会在乎，不管她在你身边或不在你身边，你的心都会在乎。
但你要记住，让她离开你并不容易。有时候他们离开是因为他们看不到你的悲伤。我的女朋友就那样离开了我，我完全理解她对这件事的看法。她像真正的朋友一样关心我，我更爱她了。这让我很难受，我觉得她也会很难过。她让我离开，因为我可以继续生活，她不知道除了我的父母她是我真正爱的人。我还是会远离她，因为我想让她开心，让她没有罪恶感，我再也看不到她伤心的样子了。
我们都知道它有多痛，因为我们经历过。但我们都应该知道这也会给他们带来多大的伤害。我真的很在乎她，在乎她的幸福。这就是爱和关心的全部。如果只是距离和时间会让一个人不爱，那么爱就会变得很容易。它不是，真爱永不褪色。它仍然会刺痛你，但有甜蜜的痛苦和泪水更甜。

May be I love her way too much and pushed her away, but it is the only way I know to love her, because she still means the whole world to me. I really have that hope that she is happy and if at all she comes back, she will still be the only princess in my life. If at all everyday in life wanted to ask: "would you like to save today's changes?" World would be an awesome place. But that's what life is all about. We all make mistakes and we learn.
Honest answer is we can’t make it disappear completely. We just have to learn to live with that pain. The heart always wants what it wants, the problem is to silence the mind!
If you love her/him truly, then it is really difficult to get over her/him and get over that love. There is no easy way to unlove a person and it is not a cake walk. Accept that your feelings for her/him are true, deep and real and acknowledge and feel that emotion. Feel that love and also feel that pain completely.
Then wish her/him well and try to stay away for you want her/him to be happy, if you truly love her/him. Don't fake your feelings. Cry if you want to, get angry if you want to, but process all those emotions fully. Time may lessen the pain. Have this in mind that you will never be completely over her/him, but you will have to start to learn to live with it. I can completely empathize with you and I know that pain as I have been going through the same for more than five long years. It is tough. But in my case, I want her to be happy even if it doesn’t involve being with me. Love is about wanting the other to be happy, not about possession.
You never heal completely from breaking up with your true love especially if you still love them and they were the one who initiated the breakup and left. You will only learn to live with that pain with time.

也许是我太爱她了，才把她推开了，但这是我知道的爱她的唯一方式，因为她仍然是我的整个世界。我真的希望她是幸福的，如果她回来了，她仍然是我生命中唯一的公主。如果在生活中每天都想问:“你想保存今天的变化吗?”世界将会是一个很棒的地方。但这就是生活的真谛。我们都会犯错，也会学习。
诚实的回答是，我们不能让它完全消失。我们只需要学会忍受这种痛苦。心总是想要它想要的，问题是让头脑冷静!
如果你真的爱她/他，那么你真的很难忘记她/他，也很难忘记那份爱。要不爱一个人是不容易的，这不是一件容易的事。接受你对她/他的感情是真实的、深刻的，承认并感受那种感情。感受那种爱，也完全感受那种痛苦。
如果你真的爱她/他，那就祝福她/他，并尽量远离她/他，因为你希望她/他幸福。想哭就哭，想生气就生气，但要完全处理好所有情绪。时间会减轻痛苦。记住，你永远不会完全忘掉她/他，但你必须开始学着接受这一点。我完全理解你的感受，我之所以知道是因为我已经经历了五年多的痛苦。这是艰难的。但对我来说，我希望她幸福，即使这与我无关。爱是希望对方幸福，而不是占有。
你永远无法从与真爱的分手中完全恢复，尤其是如果你仍然爱着他们，而他们又是主动提出分手并离开的人。只有随着时间的推移，你才能学会忍受这种痛苦。

Palash Nandi, lives in Bengaluru, Karnataka, India
You will only get over him when you realize that - You have no other way left. And when you feel you have suffered enough and you deserve better.
I am sorry if it sounds harsh and I was tempted to write a long drawn soothing answer but that won't help you. There are temporary solutions that others will suggest like find another guy, busy yourself in work, spend time with friends etc etc, but those are only temporary distractions, the moment you are alone , believe you me, you will start thinking about him, if you only rely on those temporary tricks.
So my dear. only when you realize (in your gut) that you have no other choice will you get over him. And the only way to realize that in your gut, is to reach a point when your heart and body and every cell shouts out, that you have suffered enough and no more. You can reach that point in 5 mins, 1 hour , 1 week, 1 month , several years or several decades, depends wholly on you. Reading your post, I donot think you wanted such a deep answer and I feel you are not even sure if there is no future.
There are tons of couples I know who keep saying there is no future , no future but they keep secretly hoping that some miracle will happen. And you know what, in some cases it does. I have a friend who got married after 6+ years of on-off court ship and numerous breakups and patchups. And now they are happy. I also have friends who broke-up married someone else and now they are also happy.
So you need to think about your own situation. Brain is a tricky animal, you cannot trick it so easily. If there is a part of you that still wants it to work out some way , then you will not get over him.

只有当你意识到你别无选择时，你才会忘记他。那是你觉得你已经受够了，你应该得到更好的。
如果这听起来很刺耳，我很抱歉，我很想写一个安慰性回答，但这对你没有帮助。其他人会建议一些临时的解决办法，比如找另一个人，忙于工作，和朋友在一起等等，但这些只是暂时的分心，相信我，如果你仅仅依靠这些临时的技巧，当你一个人的时候，你就会开始想他。
所以，亲爱的。只有当你意识到你别无选择时，你才会忘记他。唯一能认识到这一点的方法是，当你的心脏、身体和每一个细胞都在呼喊时，你已经受够了，再也受不了了。你可以在5分钟、1小时、1周、1个月、几年或几十年内达到这一点，这完全取决于你自己。读了你的帖子，我不认为你想要如此深刻的答案，我觉得你甚至不确定是否没有未来。
我认识很多夫妻，他们一直说没有未来，但他们一直暗暗希望奇迹会发生。你知道吗，在某些情况下是这样的。我有一个朋友，在经历了6年多的断断续续和无数次分手和修补之后结婚了。现在他们很开心。也有朋友和分手之后也很幸福。
所以你需要考虑你自己的情况。大脑是很狡猾，你不能轻易地欺骗它。如果你有一部分人仍然希望事情以某种方式解决，那么你不会忘记他。