我丈夫和我朋友有外遇。我应该和她对质，也告诉她丈夫吗

Once everything is ready, go to the store a buy enough trash bags to put all his shit on, this would probably be more than you think it is, don't even think about using luggage bags, there's no way you have enough of those, plus he doesn't deserve them, cheaters don't deserve nice bags.
After that, you need to make an appointment with a locksmith, don't wait to the last moment to do it, book the appointment in advance, they should come while your husband is working or otherwise busy for most of the day, don't underestimate how long it takes to change the locks. Tell the locksmith to put locks on the windows too if necessary ( if you live on an apartment on the 12 floor, for example, locking the windows is probably an overkill, unless you're married to Spiderman )
Lastly, put all of his things in the trash bags, and I mean ALL OF THEM, the watch his grandfather left him that's collecting dust on the drawer, his phone charger, those shoes he only used once for a wedding ten years ago, his childhood photos, his toiletries, that book he never read and probably forgot about, EVERYTHING, every little thing of his that's left in your place is an excuse for him to come back inside so make sure you don't forget anything. Ideally you'll be able to get all that junk to a different place for him to pick up there, his parents place if they live close enough, or one of his friends place, if you cannot do this safely just leave everything on the sidewalk for him to grab.
Don't offer explanations, he knows what he did, don't engage him in any way and don't let him inside the house under any circumstances.
Good luck.

一旦一切准备好，去商店买足够的垃圾袋，把他所有的垃圾都装上，这可能会比你想象的要多，基本不考虑使用行李袋，你也没有足够的行李袋，再者说他也配不上用，骗子不值得好的袋子。
之后，你需要和锁匠预约，不要等到最后一刻才去做，记得提前预约，他们应该在你丈夫工作或是其他忙的时间里来，不要低估换锁需要的时间长度。如果有必要，告诉锁匠也要把在窗户也锁上（如果你住在12层的公寓里，那就没必要，除非你嫁给蜘蛛侠）
最后，把所有的东西都放进垃圾袋里，我是说，他祖父留给他的手表、抽屉里积满灰尘、手机充电器、十年前他婚礼只穿过一次的鞋子，童年的照片，洗漱用品，他从未读过的书，可能忘记的其他东西，他留在你那的每一件小东西都是他回到你家的借口，这样你就不要落下什么。理想情况下，你可以把所有的垃圾送到另一个地方让他去捡：如果他父母住得足够近，或者他的朋友住的地方，如果你不能安全地这样做，只有把所有的东西都留在人行道上让他去捡。
不要解释，他知道他做了什么，不要以任何方式和他接触，在任何情况下都不要让他进房子里。
祝你好运。

Sid Mukhrg
Here is the chronology of events that I think should happen
Do not give any clues to your spouse that you've cracked the mystery. Sounds easy but I'm sure it's not.
Do not over communicate show no signs of suspicion. Let it be!
Get legal advice and ensure your finances are secure. Prepare for the storm.
Have your emotions in check before pulling the plug.
If you have kids, do spare a thought for them and possibly reduce any impact of the aftermath.
Judgment day — Once you've had lunch , let your spouse know that you know what's going on and that you can't take it anymore. He will lose his mind, be in denial, apologize, promise to change etc. and the rest of the drama unfolds. Dont lose your cool.. You get to choose if you want to give a second chance. Now is the time to really decide.
Assuming you decide to end it, have him pack his stuff and get out of your sight.
As sad as it is, but it's best to fight it head on. Give yourself sometime to heal. Do what you always wanted to do — like travel or get indulged in a hobby or visit your closest friends and relatives.
Once you've somewhat stabilized mentally, call “that" friend. If you get to know that she's moved in with your now ex-husband, let it be. You don't want to wrestle with a pig in the mud.
If your “friend" is completely oblivious about you, And right now, the best is to let her husband know what's going on behind his back. Give her a couple of days to come out to her husband. Do let her know that what would follow is a hurricane .

这是我认为遇到该事件时应该做的事和时间顺序。
不要告诉你的配偶你已经知道这个事。听起来很简单，但我肯定不是这样的。
沟通时不要暴露痕迹、顺其自然！
获得法律建议，确保你的财务安全。准备好面对“暴风雨”。
在摊牌之前，先检查一下你的情绪。
如果你有孩子，一定要为他们着想，并可能减少后果的影响。
审判日——一旦你吃过午饭，让你的配偶知道你知道发生了什么，你不能再接受了。他会失去理智，在否认，道歉，承诺改变等一系列戏剧化行为。别失去冷静。如果你想再给一次机会，你就考虑好，现在是真正做出决定的时候了。
假设你决定结束，让他收拾行李，离开你的视线。
虽然很伤心，但最好还是继续战斗。给自己一个疗伤的时间。做你一直想做的事情——比如旅行，沉溺于一个爱好，或者去拜访你最亲密的朋友和亲戚。
一旦你的精神稳定，就称之为“那个”朋友。如果你知道她已经和你现在的前夫同居了，就让它继续吧。如同你不想和泥巴里的猪摔跤一样去记在心里。
如果你的“朋友”完全不在意你，现在，最好的办法是让她丈夫知道背后发生了什么事。给她几天时间出来见她丈夫。请让她知道接下来会来一次飓风。

Anonymous
Your in a situation I once found myself in. A good friend of mine who had a bad marriage and they was living at his parents house. So he hung out at our house a lot. My now long divorced ex wife and him worked for me. I got the rest of his education payed through the Community College I was the Directer of Admissions at. By giving him the job I helped him support his family and get out of his parents house. One night I had a late meeting about 5 hours out of town. I called my wife snd told her I was going to drive in the morning. i tried several hotels and no vacancy. I drive 5 hours to get home and as I'm pulling in I see his car in my drive way. I figured he got drunk stopped by passed out on the couch. I open my door and the chain is on, I looked to my right and there was my friend and my wife laying buck naked on my couch. I kicked the open, the metal door frx clanged loudly against the iron bannister leading to the upstairs bedrooms. They awoke in a startle jumped up and the first words out of his mouth was "Man its not what you think". With his hands waving me off. I was 19 I punched him in the mouth and said it is exactly what I think it is. The wife ran for a robe and came in and actually asked if I wanted anything. "YES! I could use some help getting all my stuff in the car if you don't mind." She knew I wasn't kidding and actually had everything in the car in the time it took me to roll a blunt and smoked it with him. I left there and went straight to his wife and told her what I found and asked her if she wanted to have revenge sex. I truly showed no class and hurting her didn't make me feel any better.

你的处境我也遇到过。我的一个好朋友，他的婚姻很糟糕，他们住在他父母的房子里。所以他经常来我们家玩。我离婚已久的前妻和他都为我工作。我是在社区学院当招生主任的时候付了他剩下的学费。通过给他这份工作，我帮助他养家糊口，摆脱了他父母的家庭。一天晚上，我在城外约5个小时路程的地方要开一个会。我打电话给我妻子，告诉她我明天早上开车回去。我找了几家旅馆，都没有空房。我开了5个小时的车回家，当我到达时，我看到他的车在我家门口路上。我猜他是喝醉了然后昏倒在沙发上。我打开门，我向右一看，我的朋友和妻子赤身裸体地躺在我的沙发上。我踢开房门，金属门框撞在通向楼上卧室的铁栏杆上发出响亮的撞击声。他们被吓醒了，他跳了起来，从嘴里说出的第一句话是“伙计，不是你想的那样”。他挥手让我走开。我当时19岁，我一拳打在了他的嘴上，说那就是我想的那样。妻子跑去拿睡袍，走进来问我要不要什么。“如果你不介意的话，我需要你帮我把东西搬上车。”她知道我不是在开玩笑，在我和他一起抽大麻的时候，她已经把所有东西都装进车里了。我离开了那里，直接去找他的妻子告诉她我的发现并问她是否想要次复仇性爱。我真的表现得毫无风度，伤害她也不能让我感觉好一点。。

Cat Bates, Married a Malignant NPD (1998-present)
Lol I don’t know how the hell you haven’t done anything?
Me, I’d flip like a switchblade on that “friend” and husband. you can keep quiet and plan to expose the bitc$ and your husband.
I want to see a surprise party with the two of them caught butt naked by every single person they know including her husband. Ya something really humiliating will be about the only thing that would feel satisfying.
That is what I would do. Forget “being the bigger person” BS. I’ve tried that and was lied to even more, used and abused like a doormat. It turned out he wasn’t sorry at all. Instead, he was beyond pissed that I found out and so he told me “now I’m going to arrange a bunch of hookups and fuc$ a lot more people and you should Fu$&ing mind your own business”!
Like really devastating and heartbreaking that being said as if he was the victim.
l am so ashamed from that and many other things. I couldn’t tell anyone it felt so degrading and worse than being cheated on. So that is why I wish I would have humiliated and exposed the hell out of him. It only got worse and so I wasted years not understanding and then when he said those words I got it!
If I could do things over again, I would not be nice and I would be sure to try and ruin his life like he did mine. I’d try to expose the hell out of him since he only cared what others thought of him and wanted them to think badly of me.
Since it’s your friend too, then be done with her because they both know what they’re doing is wrong.
Maybe they will be sorry (that they were caught) and that’s about it.
Hopefully you’ve already talked to an attorney and packed up your husbands belongings. I’m sorry you are going through this.

哈哈，我不知道你怎么什么都没做?
如果是我，我就会像弹簧刀一样冲那个"朋友"和丈夫发火。现在你可以保持沉默，计划揭露那个婊子和你丈夫。
我想看他们俩的一丝不挂的惊喜场面被他们认识的所有人看到。只有丢人的事才会让你感到满足。
那就是我要做的。别想着大人不计小人过。我试过了，被人骗得更厉害，被人当作门垫使用和虐待。原来他一点也不后悔。相反，他对被我发现非常恼火，所以他告诉我“现在我要安排一堆搭讪，和更多的人做爱，你应该管好自己的事”！
就像他是受害者一样，这感觉真的是毁灭性的和令人心碎的。
我对这件事和其他很多事情感到羞愧。我不能告诉任何人这感觉比被欺骗更可耻更糟糕。所以我希望我能羞辱他，让他见鬼去。当他说这些话时，我明白了！
如果我能重来一次，我就没这么好说话了，我一定会像他毁了我的生活一样毁了他的生活。我想揭发他，因为他只在乎别人怎么看他，想让别人看不起我。
既然她也是你的朋友，那就别理她了，因为他们都知道自己做错了。
也许他们会后悔（他们被抓了），仅此而已。
希望你已经和律师谈过了，收拾好你丈夫的东西。很抱歉你要经历这些。

Mohamed, former CEO
You need to take a minuet to think before you confront , or search for a lawyer.
Something went seriously wrong in ur marriage for your husband to do something that stupid and I am not passing blame but in reality, you may want to ask urself what happened. Also, what is more important what do u wanna do ? Do you have kids with him ? If so you wanna consider that as well. Then decide if what you want to save your marriage or end it. Doing any action before u calm down will be regrettable action eventually because ur judgment is clouded for sure.
If you decided to end the marriage (you probably know if your husband is classy enough to end it without causing scenes or if he will make this as drama). If he is a man, he will own his b.s. and end it quietly without causing further pain to you or to people around you specially kids. Otherwise you may wanna consider hiring a lawyer).
if you believe you don’t want to end it, then confront him (not her), she is irrelevant because he could have cheated with any other woman and no don’t get her husband in middle of this. She should come clean to her husband but it is not ur job to involve nor ur place.
since you claimed she is friend , you definitely wanna end your relationship with her.
There is nothing good come from turning a war zone specially if kids are involved. Cheater or not , a dad is a dad and believe It or not you may end up being the vilan mom in their story at some point.
We can all learn something from how Amazon CEO marriage ended. Quiet , classy , and without putting their kids in unnecessary scenes

在你面对问题或找律师之前，你需要三思而后行。
你的婚姻出了严重的问题，你丈夫做了很愚蠢的事，我不是在责怪你，但事实上，你可能想问问自己到底发生了什么。还有，更重要的是你想做什么?你和他有孩子吗?如果有的话，你也要考虑一下。然后决定你是想挽救婚姻还是结束婚姻。如果你在冷静下来之前就采取行动，最终都将是令人遗憾的行动，因为你此时判断肯定是模糊的。
如果你决定结束婚姻(你可能知道你的丈夫是否有足够的风度来结束婚姻而不引起争吵，或者他是否会把这当成一场戏剧)。如果他是一个男人，他会承认自己的谎言，安静地结束它，不会给你或你周围的人尤其是孩子带来更多的痛苦。否则你可能要考虑请律师了。
如果你认为你不想结束这段关系，那就去质问他(而不是她)，她无关紧要，因为他可能和其他女人出轨，而且不要让她丈夫卷入其中。她应该向她丈夫坦白，但这不关你的事。
既然你说她是你的朋友，你肯定想结束你们的关系。
把一个地区变成战区没有什么好处，特别是如果有孩子参与其中的话。不管他是不是骗子，不管你信不信，父亲毕竟就是父亲，在他们的故事中，你最终可能会成为一个邪恶的母亲。
我们都可以从亚马逊CEO的婚姻破裂中学到一些东西。安静，优雅，不把孩子置于不必要的场景中。

Carol Thomas, former Dating coach & observer of human behavior. (2015-2019)
First of all, sit down and calmly take your emotions out of this whole situation ( I know…easy for me to say). Decide what you want to do. Find a private place and cry, scream, and throw things! If you want to save your marriage, then I am suggesting this stategy. This is very manipulative and not everyone can pull this off.But, I am offering you this as an alternative to the advice from others on here. Honestly review your marriage. Has anything changed? Have you two hit a rocky patch in your marriage? Now, honestly take stock at the temperature of your marriage. Is he just an opportunistic cheater and you need to unceremoniously kick him to the proverbial curb? But, if he has really had his head turned by another woman and has fallen in love with her, then I am going to suggest you follow my instructions. It might not be too late to save your marriage. Remember, you probably know him better than SHE does. If this is a new relationship…even better for you. Sonetimes men in a cheating relationship are really conflicted. I had a friend who divorced her husband of many years in haste (even though he begged her not too ) and he married his side chick and she lived the rest of her days alone, lonely and regretful!
SoDon't confront him, HER, or her husband. In fact, don't tell anyone! So, here is what you can do now. Start doing all the things that you know he likes. Be as sweet and nice as you can be. If this strategy doesn't work, then go to plan B, which others have already outlined for you quite capably.

首先，坐下来，冷静地把你的情绪从整个情况中摘出来(我知道这样说得太容易了)。你要决定想做什么。找个私密的地方，大喊大叫以及扔东西!如果你想挽救你的婚姻，那我建议你用这个策略。这不是每个人都能做到的。但是，我给你提供这个建议是为了替代其他人在这里的建议。诚实地审视你的婚姻，有什么改变吗?你们的婚姻遇到过困难吗?现在，诚实地评估一下你们婚姻。他是否只是一个投机取巧的骗子，你需要毫不客气地把他甩开吗?但是，如果他真的被另一个女人迷住了，并且爱上了她，那么我建议你听从我的指示。挽救你的婚姻也许还为时不晚。记住，你可能比她更了解他。如果这是一段新恋情，那对你来说更好。有时候，出轨关系中的男人真的挺矛盾的。我有一个朋友，她匆忙地和她结婚多年的丈夫离婚了(尽管他也乞求她不要离婚)，然后他娶了他身边的小女，她孤独地、孤独地、遗憾地度过了她的余生!
所以不要与他、她或她的丈夫对质。事实上，不要告诉任何人!这就是你现在可以做的。开始做所有你知道他喜欢的事情。尽可能的温柔体贴。如果这个策略不起作用，那就执行B计划，其他人已经很有能力地为你列出了B计划。

Susan Keith, former Paralegal
It depends on where you are in your marriage and what you want. Let me add, it is REAL easy for people to opine on a cerebral level, but if they don’t have time, heart, and other unknowns invested in a marriage, they don’t have a clue.
First of all, a good therapist and attorney are in order. To get YOUR head and heart in sync, and to get your ducks in a row.
The best thing you can do is take care of yourself. If you aren’t, start seeing a therapist ASAP. Get a good domestic relations lawyer to advise you ASAP.
finally, let me say that Many marriages overcome affairs and come out stronger. It depends on the manner in which it is dealt. The cheater has to go through some painful self-realization that requires professional guidance. Your therapist will know whom to direct him and y’all as a couple, should you choose that.
It’s important that you realize you have a choice, and the price of the choice. Let me say one thing right here: do not call the husband of your friend. It’s not between you and him. I suggest your not doing anything until you see your therapist first.
Good luck. If you would like me to share my experience I’ll be glad to do so if it will be helpful. It illustrates that things don’t happen as you believe they will.

这取决于你在婚姻中的位置以及你想要什么。我补充一句，人们很容易在理智的层面上发表看法，但如果他们没花时间、心和其他未知的东西投入到婚姻中，他们就不会有头绪。
首先，需要一个好的心理医生和律师。让你的头脑和心灵同步，让你的工作井井有条。
你能做的最好的事情就是照顾好自己。如果你没有，尽快开始看治疗师。尽快找一个好的家庭关系律师给你建议。
最后，我想说的是许多婚姻都能克服婚外情，结果变得更牢固。这取决于处理问题的方式。出轨者必须经历一些痛苦的自我认识，这需要专业的指导。你的心理医生会知道如何来指导他和你们的关系，如果你们有需要的话。
重要的是你要意识到你有选择，以及选择的代价。我在这里告诉你一件事：不要给你朋友的丈夫打电话。这不是你和他之间的事。我建议你在见心理医生之前什么都不要做。
祝你好运。如果你们愿意我分享我的经验，如果它对你们有帮助的话，我很乐意这样做。它说明事情不会像你认为的那样发生。

Sally Andrews, Had emotionally abusive dad and ex stepmom
Here's what I would do
Act as if the affair isn't bothering you. Don't say anything to the friend or your husband.
While acting like you're not affected, see a divorce lawyer and make sure you make any of your bank accounts that you make money off of is only under your name.
Start looking for a place to stay if the house is under his name. If you can't find anything, ask a family member or another friend.
Pack your necessary items like clothes, passports, social security cards, birth certificate, ect.
Leave the house while he's not there. Put the divorce papers on the kitchen table or where ever he usually goes to first.
Check to make sure that your cellphone doesn't have any trackers that could show him where you are.
I wouldn't confront your friends husband unless you have evidence that is damning. Another option is to confront the husband but in an anonymous way. I.e. leave a letter for him, send him an email

我会这么做：
表现得好像这件事并不会困扰你。不要告诉你的朋友或你的丈夫。
当你表现得不受影响的时候，去找一个离婚律师，确保银行账户里的钱都是在你的名下。
如果房子是在他名下，那就开始找地方住。如果你找不到任何东西，问问家人或其他朋友。
带上衣物、护照、社保卡、出生证明等必需品。
趁他不在的时候离开。把离婚文件放在厨房桌子上或者他通常先去的地方。
检查一下，确保你的手机没有任何追踪器，可以告诉他你在哪里。
除非你有确凿的证据否则我不会去质问朋友的丈夫。另一个选择是与丈夫对质，但要匿名。也就是说，给他留一封信或者给他发一封电子邮件。

Lisa Bushey, Mom of 2
Step #1: Secure your finances and hire a divorce lawyer.
Step #2: Pre-pack your husband’s belongings and have them moved to a storage facility. Change the locks in your home. Then, confront your husband and tell him that you are beginning divorce proceedings.
Step #3: Throw your husband out of your home, handing him the key to the storage facility. Tell him he doesn’t live there anymore, and wish him luck finding a new place.
Step #4: Confront your “friend” and tell her that she has 48 hours to tell her husband, or you will. Tell her that your cheating husband is all hers, and “best of luck” on a relationship built on a foundation of lies and deception. (You don’t have to do this, but her husband will be hurting also. Once you are able, reach out to him and tell him that if he needs your help in any way, court testimony, etc., to ask and you’ll be there.)
Step #5: Do something special for yourself, something you’ve always wanted to do, alone or with a friend. Grieve, get therapy and restart your life.

第一步：确保你的财务状况，并聘请离婚律师。
第二步：把你丈夫的东西预先打包，然后转移到储藏室，然后把家里的锁换了。最好面对你的丈夫，告诉他你正在开始离婚诉讼。
第三步：把你丈夫赶出你的家，把储藏室的钥匙交给他。告诉他他不再住在那里了，祝他好运能找到一个新地方。
第四步：面对你的“朋友”，告诉她她有48小时的时间告诉她丈夫，否则你会告诉她，她出轨对象是你老公，在这段建立在谎言和欺骗基础上的关系中，祝你们“好运”。你不必这么做，她丈夫也会受伤。一旦你有能力，就去找他，向他伸出援手，告诉他如果他在任何方面需要你的帮助、法庭证词等，你都会提供帮助。）
第五步：为自己做一些特别的事，做一些你一直想做的事，一个人或者和朋友一起做。悲伤、接受治疗，重新开始你的生活。