为什么有些人总是单身？
Why are some people always single?
译文简介
我一生都是单身。我从来没有谈过恋爱。
正文翻译
Why are some people always single?
为什么有些人总是单身？
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(For reference, I am a 43 year old straight man. I choose to answer anonymously because there is something embarrassing that I’m going to admit in this answer (you’ll know it when you read it) )
I have been single all of my life. I have never been in a relationship. A lot of Quorans are giving relatively complex/abstract answers such as “Single is a choice”, “I don’t want a relationship”, “I enjoy being alone”, etc., but in my case, the elephant in the room is that I am very ugly, and short (by the standards of the country I live in, the US).
That is it.
And before you think I’m some sad incel hiding in my room rotting away, know that I do have a life —- I have a graduate degree, speak three languages, enjoy reading, have a full time job where I interact with people daily, and I’m in extremely good shape for my age due to working out 5–6 days a week. But my hours at the gym, my degrees, or my life skills will not improve my face.
Yes, I admit that personality also comes in to play:
(作为参考，我是一个43岁的直男。我选择匿名回答是因为在这个答案中我要承认一些尴尬的事情（你看了就会知道） )
我一生都是单身。我从来没有谈过恋爱。很多人都给出了相对复杂/抽象的答案，比如"单身是一种选择"，"我不想谈恋爱"，"我喜欢独处"，等等，但就我而言，房间里的大象（注：不言而喻的事情）是我很丑，而且很矮（以我生活的国家，美国的标准）。
就是这样。
在你认为我是躲在房间里腐烂的非自愿的独身者之前，你要知道我确实有自己的生活--我有一个研究生学位，会说三种语言，喜欢阅读，有一份全职工作，每天与人打交道，而且由于每周锻炼5-6天，我的身材在同龄人中非常好。但是我在健身房的时间，我的学位，或者我的生活技能都不会改善我的脸。
是的，我承认个性也会起作用：
I don’t hide my displeasure, and I’ll scowl or roll my eyes when I witness things I dislike (even when I think I’m being discrete)
My sense of humor is pretty dark, even when I think I’m being light-hearted.
I (unknowingly) stare at people a lot, or tend to just space out at random times
I hate pop culture, but love discussing world events, ancient history, literature, languages, and physics, but that’s not on the majority of peoples minds; in fact I often lose people in conversations and they’ll slowly walk away.
On top of all this, I’m very introverted, and I live in a society where extroverts are rewarded
A few (very few) people appreciate my quirks and enjoy being around me, but overall most people avoid me, and “friends” just start to fade away. I have the consolation that the few people that stick around me appreciate me, but it’s rare the individual that sees past that wall of ugliness coupled with strange behavior.
Believe me that I have tried to control many of the negative aspects of my personality, but I can only take it so far. Add up all of these traits of mine, and I have never had a relationship, and at my age, I’m also a virgin
(I’ll let you guys laugh for a few minutes before continuing)
·我的沟通风格非常直率；不是对抗性的，只是过于直截了当。我会指出没有人愿意指出的明显的事情（即我是第一个指出房间里的大象的人）。有些人笑了，大多数人感到被冒犯了。
·我不掩饰我的不快，当我看到我不喜欢的事情时，我会皱眉头或翻白眼（即使我认为跟我没什么关系）。
·我的幽默感很冷，即使我认为自己是在放松。
·我（不自觉地）经常盯着别人看，或在随机的时候倾向于只是空洞地看。
·我讨厌流行文化，但喜欢讨论世界大事、古代历史、文学、语言和物理学，但这并不在大多数人的考虑范围内；事实上，我经常在谈话中失去别人，他们会慢慢走掉。
·除此之外，我的性格非常内向，而我生活在一个外向者得到奖励的社会中
·少数（非常少）人欣赏我的怪癖，喜欢和我在一起，但总的来说，大多数人都避开我，"朋友"也就开始逐渐消失了。我感到安慰的是，坚持在我身边的少数人欣赏我，但很少有人能穿过那堵丑陋早就的墙，再加上我奇怪的行为。
相信我，我已经试图控制我个性中的许多消极方面，但我只能做到这一步。把我所有的这些特征加起来，我从来没有谈过恋爱，在我这个年龄，我也还是一个处。
(我会让你们笑几分钟再继续)
When I get the courage to approach, it only results in polite-but-awkward conversation. Since I approach respectfully, I have never been crudely rejected, but it’s still a rejection nonetheless
I have never noticed any signs of flirting, and trust me that I have done my “research” for the signs to look out for, and I have not seen any of them.
I have tried online dating, and to no avail. Most of my messages were ignored. Mind you, they were respectful messages that I spent hours preparing and proofreading.
如果我长得好看，个子高，女人就会接受这些怪癖，但作为一个站在5英尺7英寸/170厘米的没有吸引力的男人，任何非议都会把我当成令人毛骨悚然的、怪异的或书呆子（或以上所有）。
当我鼓起勇气接近时，结果只能是礼貌但尴尬的谈话。由于我以尊重的态度接近，我从未被粗暴地拒绝过，但这仍然是一种拒绝。
我从来没有注意到任何调情的迹象，相信我，我已经做了"研究"，了解需要注意的迹象，但我没有看到任何迹象。
我曾尝试过网上约会，但无济于事。我的大部分信息都被忽略了。请注意，它们是我花了几个小时准备和校对的尊敬的信息。
I’m not helped by the fact that a man my age range that has never been in a relationship is viewed as “weird”. In the old days, single women were judged harshly, but not only has that changed, but it’s been reversed. A 30-to-40ish single woman —- she’s independent. A 30-to-40ish single man —- he’s either a creep or a playboy. Note that I am not criticizing how things are changing for women — in fact, it’s a good thing. But shifting these type of criticisms to another group is not progress.
I have come to the conclusion that there’s no science behind it —— you either can or you cannot. If you have a good, proportioned facial structure, getting into a relationship is something that just clicks, regardless of the personality you have.
朋友和亲戚的建议是没有用的。请理解，对那些在关系中取得成功的有吸引力的人来说，这些事情"只是发生了"，所以他们很难解释他们是如何得到一个伴侣的
像我这个年龄段的男人，如果没有谈过恋爱，就会被视为"怪人"，这对我没有帮助。在过去，单身女性受到严厉的评判，但现在不仅发生了变化，而且还发生了逆转。一个30-40岁的单身女性--她是独立的。一个30到40岁左右的单身男人--他要么是个讨厌鬼，要么是个花花公子。请注意，我并不是在批评女性的情况如何变化--事实上，这是一件好事。但是，将这些类型的批评转移到另一个群体身上并不是进步。
我得出的结论是，这背后没有科学依据--你要么能，要么不能。如果你有一个好的、相称的面部结构，进入一段关系是一件很容易的事情，不管你有什么个性。
Aww, keep trying if that’s what you want and you can cope with the rejection. It’s 50/50. 50% rejection or 50% a positive result. Tell yourself what’s the worst that can happen. It’s a bit like applying for a job, it can be soul destroying. I remember a girl I worked with she was not very pretty but she was the most kindest beautiful person ever! Let your personality shine through, good looks can be shallow.
噢，继续努力，如果这是你想要的，而且你能应付拒绝。这是50对50。50%的拒绝或50%的积极结果。事前先告诉自己可能发生的最坏情况是什么。这有点像申请工作，它可以摧毁一个人的灵魂。我记得和我一起工作的一个女孩，她并不漂亮，但她是最善良美丽的人！她是我的朋友。让你的个性闪耀，好的外表就不那么重要了。
This is true. I know you neither want nor need my pity but I’m sorry. It’s a shitty, cruel, unfair world we live in.
很真实。我知道你既不想要也不需要我的怜悯，但我很抱歉。我们生活在一个肮脏、残酷、不公平的世界。
“but love discussing world events, ancient history, literature, languages, and physics”
That's what you've got ! Your brain is your most valuable asset. And among your subjects of interest you've got enough material to learn and explore to keep you going until the end of your life and beyond…
I am quite an introvert loner and have been both long term single and in long term relationships and trust me, relationships are way overrated.
We tend to idealise what we don't have but the grass is not necessary greener for couples.
In fact you're sparing yourself all the drama and irrational bullshits that romantic relationships usually brings along. Instead you can dedicate all your mental energy on yourself and what you really like.
As for the virgin thing, if its something that bothers you, go and meet a hooker and get this issue out of the way ^. ^
"但喜欢讨论世界大事、古代历史、文学、语言和物理学"
这就是你所拥有的! 你的大脑是你最宝贵的资产。在你感兴趣的主题中，你有足够的材料来学习和探索，让你一直到你的生命结束和超越......
我是一个相当内向的独行侠，曾经长期单身，也有过长期的关系，相信我，两性的关系被高估了。
我们倾向于将我们没有的东西理想化，但对已经成为夫妇的人来说，草不一定是更绿的。
事实上，你是在为自己省去所有的戏剧性和非理性的废话，而浪漫的关系通常会带来这些废话。相反，你可以把你所有的精神能量奉献给你自己和你真正喜欢的东西。
至于还是个处的事情，如果它困扰着你，那就去找一个妓女，把这个问题解决掉吧^。^
Exactly right! I am in the ninetieth percentile for extroversion, but I will be alone for the rest of my life. Personality just doesn't matter.
非常正确！我的外向率为90%，但我的余生将独自一人。个性本身并不重要。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
It was really interesting to read this. I do not consider 5 ft 7 as overly short for a man, and I am a 5ft 9 woman. Also, I do not see why people would laugh at the fact that you are a virgin, although I am not going to make out that I relate to the majority of people. People seem to see losing their virginity as a box to be ticked. Just because someone has had a lot of sex doesn't mean to say they even enjoyed it particularly! It could well have been with someone they regretted doing such an intimate act with or the overall experience may not have been that enjoyable for them. There are far more important things in life to have done in my opinion, such as a steady job that you mentioned and other life skills. I think there are far more people out there who are virgins at older ages than we believe there to be simply because it seems to be a taboo subject that nobody wants to admit to. There's a lot more I could say about this but I will leave it at that.
读到这篇回复真的很有意思。我不认为5英尺7英寸对一个男人来说是过矮的，我是一个5英尺9英寸的女人。此外，我不明白为什么人们会嘲笑你是个处，尽管我不打算说我与多少人有过关系。人们似乎把失去童贞看作是一个需要打勾的盒子。仅仅因为某人有很多性行为，并不意味着他们特别享受性行为！这很可能是与一个他们后悔做这种亲密行为的人，或者整体经验可能对他们来说并不那么愉快。在我看来，生活中还有更重要的事情要做，比如你提到的一份稳定的工作和其他生活技能。我认为有更多的人在年老时还是处，这比我们认为的要多得多，只是因为这似乎是一个禁忌话题，没有人愿意承认。关于这个问题我还可以说很多，但我就不多说了。
Dude, this is bullshit.
For a start, 5-ft 7-in is not that short. I think the US average is 5-ft 9-in and in the UK 5-ft 10-in for a man of your generation. Taller men are generally more attractive, but the biggest womaniser I know it's 5-ft 7 tall.
And if you are working out a lot and in really good shape, that is very attractive. This really boosts how people perceive you. I worked with the guy that people described as good looking, when I met him, he looks like a bulldog but just had a muscular body.
Good looking people will always have it much easier in life, anyone that says otherwise is a delusional fool. People are drawn to pretty people.
But I honestly believe so much is down to how someone acts. Most of the time, when I see a really hot girl, the guy is hot too. But actually quite often I see a gorgeous girl with a little runty guy. He must have something about him and I'm pretty sure that he won't sit around moaning about how no one flirts with him.
老兄，这是胡说八道。
首先，5英尺7英寸并不那么矮。我想美国的平均水平是5英尺9英寸，而在英国，你们这一代的男人是5英尺10英寸。高大的男人通常更有吸引力，但我所知道的最大的花花公子是5英尺7英寸高。
如果你经常锻炼，而且身材非常好，这就非常有吸引力。这真的会提高人们对你的看法。我和一个被人们形容为好看的人一起工作，当我见到他时，他看起来像一只斗牛犬，但只是有一个肌肉发达的身体。
长得好的人在生活中总是容易得多，任何否认的人都是妄想的傻瓜。人们会被漂亮的人吸引。
但说实话，我相信很多东西是取决于某人的行为方式。大多数时候，当我看到一个非常性感的女孩时，她身边那个男人也很性感。但实际上，我经常看到一个漂亮的女孩和一个矮小的男人在一起。他一定有自己的特点，而且我非常肯定他不会坐在那里抱怨没有人和他调情。
Your conclusion is false. Speaking as a male with good facial structure and a good body, relationships don’t just click or work out easily. Sure I see women who are attracted, but that initial attraction does not translate to success. A lot of it is how much social value you have. This I find comes down to your confidence, self image, and beliefs you hold over your self regarding social interactions, success with women, humor, etc. I’m a pretty introverted and abstract minded person, so the ways I communicate with people often aren’t very standard, so dating is strange. You really have to find people you just mix with I think.
你的结论是错误的。作为一个具有良好面部结构和身材的男性来说，人际关系并非你说的那么容易。当然，我看到有一些被吸引的女性，但这种最初的吸引力并不能转化为成功。它在很大程度上是你有多少社会价值。我发现这归结于你的自信、自我形象，以及你对自己在社会交往方面的信念，对女性的成功，幽默等等。我是一个相当内向和抽象思维的人，所以我与人沟通的方式往往不是很标准，所以约会进行得很奇怪。我认为你真的必须找到你正好能与之交融的人。
you may or may not have ASD, your behavior resembles mine and I know I have ASD
你可能有也可能没有自闭症，但你的行为很像我的，我知道我有自闭症
Too many unattractive people are erroneously diagnosed with autism. There are other reasons why people get rejected.
太多的无吸引力的人被错误地诊断出患有自闭症。人们被拒绝的原因还有其他的原因。
The question has so many answers and none of them will ever be the same. Different circumstances and experiences guide folks in their decisions.
I use to think that the “ American dream “ was the basis of relationships and marriage.
The age I grew up in saw people stay married for many years. Relationships also were pretty much permanent.
In this age, a lot of “ superficial “ folks walk the earth. They want things ready made and don't want to make the effort to work things out when they go wrong.
Being single is a “ CHOICE" and not a “ DISEASE". I have read relationship books by different authors, but I can't seem to find authors from my generation with worthwhile experiences to draw from.
Relationships are like Google. You look on dating sites and the profiles are a joke.
It just seems to me that it is a lot of “ work" to do relationships and folks just are not willing to go through emotional pain and suffering for a chance to be happy.
Is it worth it? For me, it is not, so I will stay single ( unless something really changes my mind). I don't see a relationship in my future PERIOD???
Please note this is my opinion and experience speaking and some may disagree. There is this song I remember called “ PEOPLE MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND". I will just leave it at that……
这个问题有很多答案，没有一个会是相同的。不同的环境和经验指导着人们的决定。
我曾经认为，"美国梦"是关系和婚姻的基础。
在我成长的年代，人们的婚姻生活会持续很多年。关系也几乎是永久性的。
在这个时代，有很多"肤浅"的人在地球上行走。他们想要现成的东西，不想在出问题时努力解决。
单身是一种"选择"，而不是一种"疾病"。我读过不同作者的关于两性关系的书，但我似乎找不到我们这一代人的作者有值得借鉴的经验。
关系就像谷歌。你在约会网站上浏览，而那些个人资料就是个笑话。
在我看来，处理关系需要很多"工作"，人们不愿意为了一个幸福的机会而经历情感上的痛苦和折磨。
这值得吗？对我来说，不值得，所以我将保持单身（除非真的有事情改变我的想法）。我不认为我的未来有什么关系，永远不会。
请注意这是我的观点和经验，有些人可能不同意。我记得有一首歌叫"人让世界运转"。就这样，不说了......
How do you explain then that despite me getting compliments from people and being hit on and told that I'm a kind and smart individual, I've never managed to get a guy to take me to an actual date or gotten in a relationship with a man?
People perceiving you attractive apparently doesn't mean anything or the fact, that there's obxtively speaking nothing wrong with your personality either. We all know people who have no issues to attract the opposite sex, regardless of how they look, behave or what their personality is like.
They seem to find relationships with an ease, are never single very long periods of time and they're showered with sexual and romantic interest and attention. Others are those, who never attract anyone despite many positive attributes. I find this mysterious and odd, I've never managed to find any rational explanation to this phenomenon. These favored and lucky people typically also get exactly the person they desire for a relationship and the other person reciprocates their romantic feelings.
那么你如何解释，尽管我得到了人们的赞美，被人搭讪，并被告知我是一个善良和聪明的人，但我从未设法让一个男人带我去参加真正的约会或与一个男人建立关系？
人们认为你有吸引力显然并不意味着什么，或者说，客观地说，你的个性也没有什么问题。我们都知道有些人在吸引异性方面没有问题，不管他们的外表、行为或性格如何。
他们似乎很容易找到关系，从来不会长期单身，而且他们会受到性和浪漫的兴趣和关注。还有一些人，尽管有许多积极的属性，但却从未吸引过任何人。我觉得这很神秘，也很奇怪，我从来没能找到对这种现象的任何合理解释。这些受宠的幸运儿通常也能准确地得到他们渴望的人的关系，而对方也会回应他们的浪漫情感。
A guy told me a long time ago, you've got to play the cards you've been dealt. It sounds like you're self-aware, so work on the things that you can change. You aren't born with social skills, you learn them through practice.
很久以前，一个人告诉我，你必须玩好你所拿到的牌。听起来你是有自我意识的，所以在你能改变的事情上下功夫。你不是生来就有社交技巧的，你要通过练习来学习它们。
Omg i can relate to this beside the fact i dont work and dont have a degree and i am 25 which make me feel more worthless
天啊，我跟你描述的一样，除了我没有工作，我没有学位，我25岁，这让我觉得自己更加毫无价值
you are 1m 70 and you think you are short?
你一米七觉得自己很矮？
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I love your answer, harsh truth, but truth nevertheless.
我喜欢你的回答，严酷的真理，但还是真理。
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
美丽只存在于观察者的眼中
idk man i’ve seen some nightmarish looking guys with partners/spouses. maybe there just isn’t anyone you connect with.
我不懂，伙计，我见过一些长得看起来很可怕的人，但他们有伴侣/配偶。也许只是你不够主动。
First of all you arent short! 170 isnt short !! And I am a 172 female.
Second , if u have good shape.. then u r somewhat attractive. I just cant thing k of an “ugly “ man. its beyond me.
Maybe u go to somewhat young and pretty ladies. Young people have their ideals. U cant blame them. But if more unfortunate human beings want company they have to settle. I guess.
首先，你并不矮! 170岁并不矮！! 我是一个172的女性。
第二，如果你有好的身材......那么你就有一定的吸引力。我只是无法想象一个"丑陋"的男人，我无法想象。
也许你去找的是一些年轻漂亮的女士。年轻人有他们的理想。你不能责怪他们。但如果更多不幸的人想有个伴，他们就必须妥协。我想。
As a 31-year-old man who has never ever been in a relationship, it comes down to several reasons.
It seems that I’m physically unattractive to women. I go to the gym, eat pretty well, dress well etc. I’m not overweight or anything like that. But I’m short, went completely bald by the time I was 25 - no, shaving your head will not magically turn you into Vin Diesel - and got some congenital postural abnormalities I can do nothing about. I’m almost the opposite of “tall, dark and handsome”.
I have very nerdy interests that most people - which obviously includes women - find either boring or scary. I enjoy spending my time on things such as quantum mechanics, neuroscience, and macroeconomics. At the same time, I dislike small talk centered around TV shows, celebrities, food etc.
From high school on I’ve spent my entire life in male-dominated environments (STEM) where women are hard to find. The few that exist are all taken or not interested.
I tried online dating, but as an OkCupid user I’ve only become more disillusioned. It seems that the vast majority of women aged 25–35 online care about little else than traveling around the world all the time, eating fancy foods, taking snapshots for their Instagram profiles, and listing demands that I have to meet to be worthy of talking to them. Out of several hundreds of profiles, I sent what I believe were kind, thoughtful, personalized messages (no generic “hi there” stuff, nor anything needy or creepy) to five women that appeared to be at somewhat intellectually-inclined. None replied. I don’t blame them - I’m not one of those guys who think that women owe them something - but that about sums it up for me.
In summary, I’m always single because I’m not interesting to the opposite sex, and because I have a very hard time finding women I could connect with even if they were interested.
作为一个31岁了从来没有谈过恋爱的男人，我归结为几个原因。
1.似乎我在身体上对女性没有吸引力。我去健身房，吃得很好，穿得很好等等。我没有超重或任何类似的情况。但我很矮，25岁时就完全秃了--不，剃光头不会神奇地把你变成文-迪塞尔--而且有一些先天性的姿势异常，我对此无能为力。我几乎是 "高大、深沉和英俊"的反面。
2.我有非常书呆子的兴趣，大多数人--这里显然包括女性--都觉得无聊或可怕。我喜欢把时间花在量子力学、神经科学和宏观经济学等方面。同时，我不喜欢以电视节目、名人、食物等为中心的闲谈。
3.从高中开始，我的一生都在以男性为主的环境（STEM）中度过，那里很难找到女性。为数不多的女性都是有主的，或者不感兴趣。
4.我尝试过网上约会，但作为一个OkCupid的用户，我只会变得更加失望。似乎绝大多数25-35岁的女性在网上关心的是，除了一直在世界各地旅行，吃高级食品，为她们的Instagram个人资料拍快照，以及列出我必须满足的要求才值得与她们交谈之外，几乎没有别的。在几百份资料中，我向五位看起来还有点智商的女性发送了我认为是亲切、周到、个性化的信息（没有通用的"你好"，也没有任何需要或令人毛骨悚然的东西）。没有人回复。我不怪他们--我不是那种认为女人欠他们东西的人--但这对我来说是个总结。
总之，我一直是单身，因为我对异性不感兴趣，也因为我很难找到对我感兴趣也能与我联系的女人。
Women probably aren't interested in you because you give off the vibe of low confidence and feel like you don't stand a chance. Women aren't shallow and only care about “tall dark and handsome men”, women want someone who is confident and open and friendly and approachable, who isn't scared to strike up a conversation and take a chance. Who knows, maybe the 25 year old very attractive girl sitting at the end of the bar actually loves quantum physics, you've just cultivatated a stereotype that all women like her will not be interested in you and are only interested in Instagram and selfies, and it definitely shows. Open your mind and stop portraying the image of “no women will like me because I'm short and bald and like science”, start coming across as “so what if im short and bald? I'm smart and interesting and not afraid to talk to women” type of attitude. Your luck will eventually change. Low self esteem and wallowing in self defeat is a major turnoff, looks aren't everything, maybe your personality is the best part about you.
女人对你不感兴趣，可能是因为你给人的感觉是信心不足，觉得自己没有机会。女人并不肤浅，只关心"高大黝黑的帅哥"，女人想要的是自信、开放、友好、平易近人的人，不害怕与人攀谈，抓住机会。谁知道呢，也许坐在酒吧尽头的那个25岁的非常有吸引力的女孩实际上喜欢量子物理学，你只是培养了一种刻板印象，认为所有像她一样的女人都不会对你感兴趣，只对Instagram和自拍感兴趣，这肯定会显示出来。打开你的心扉，停止描绘"没有女人会喜欢我，因为我又矮又秃而且喜欢科学"的形象，开始表现为"如果我又矮又秃，那又怎样？我很聪明，很有趣，不害怕和女人说话"的态度。你的运气最终会改变。低自尊和沉湎于自我挫败是一个主要的障碍，外表不是一切，也许你的个性是你最好的部分。
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