三观不同，可以谈恋爱吗？
What do you say if a girl your interested in presses you on your political beliefs?
译文简介
和一个女孩发短信聊天，她根据我说的话告诉我，我们无法相处。
正文翻译
What do you say if a girl your interested in presses you on your political beliefs?
如果你感兴趣的女孩逼问你的政治信仰，你要怎么说？
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Texting with a girl who told me based on what I said we aren't gonna get along.
She asked me if I agree with feminism and wage inequality.
I told her that the hardest working woman I know is my mom who raised 2 kids while earning her PHD in China and migrating across 2 continents to raise us. And that it's hard for me to take privileged white women seriously when they talk about inequality.
I also told her that Asian women get treated better than Asian men in North America.
I told her multiple nobel winning economists have already disproven the wage gap.
I could tell she really wanted to hear that I believed in the wage gap and I support feminism etc etc.
和一个女孩发短信，她根据我说的话告诉我我们无法相处。
她问我是否同意女权主义和工资不平等。
我告诉她，我认识的最努力工作的女人是我的妈妈，她在中国获得博士学位的同时养育了两个孩子，并跨越两个大洲来抚养我们。当有特权的白人妇女谈论不平等问题时，我很难认真对待她们。
我还告诉她，在北美，亚洲女性得到的待遇比亚洲男性好。
我告诉她，多位获得诺贝尔奖的经济学家已经反驳了异性工资差距的说法。
我可以说，她真的想听到我说我相信工资差距，我支持女权主义等等。
She asked me if I agree with feminism and wage inequality.
I told her that the hardest working woman I know is my mom who raised 2 kids while earning her PHD in China and migrating across 2 continents to raise us. And that it's hard for me to take privileged white women seriously when they talk about inequality.
I also told her that Asian women get treated better than Asian men in North America.
I told her multiple nobel winning economists have already disproven the wage gap.
I could tell she really wanted to hear that I believed in the wage gap and I support feminism etc etc.
和一个女孩发短信，她根据我说的话告诉我我们无法相处。
她问我是否同意女权主义和工资不平等。
我告诉她，我认识的最努力工作的女人是我的妈妈，她在中国获得博士学位的同时养育了两个孩子，并跨越两个大洲来抚养我们。当有特权的白人妇女谈论不平等问题时，我很难认真对待她们。
我还告诉她，在北美，亚洲女性得到的待遇比亚洲男性好。
我告诉她，多位获得诺贝尔奖的经济学家已经反驳了异性工资差距的说法。
我可以说，她真的想听到我说我相信工资差距，我支持女权主义等等。
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If either of you think it's going to be perpetual conflict, then it makes sense to go separate ways. It doesn't help anyone if your interactions are inevitably going to devolve into shouting matches.
如果你们中的任何一方认为这将是永久的冲突，那么只能分道扬镳了。如果你们的互动不可避免地演变成大喊大叫，这对双方都是无益的。
"How can I diplomatically compromise my beliefs in order to get laid?"
Why do you need to say anything? Just agree that maybe y'all won't get along and move onto other fish in the sea. Take her and this opportunity off a pedestal and realize you can find someone more compatible pretty easily.
“我如何才能婉转而折中地提出我的信仰以能和她上床？”
你为什么需要说什么？只需认识到也许你们无法相处，然后转移到海里的其他鱼。把她和这个机会从基座上拿下来，并认识到你可以很容易地找到更合适的人。
I mean, at the end of the day, why does it matter, because she's not going to change her beliefs, you're not going to change your beliefs, and if dating someone who's beliefs are similar to theirs is important to her, and you don't fit the bill, then you two are incompatible. You don't lie and say what she wants to hear, because it will become painfully obvious what your opinions are.
There is a very large portion of women out there, and especially Asian and White women who find Feminism important. I prefer to use an empathetic approach to understand their struggles, while still representing myself well and not letting go of my own dignity. A lot of this whole "who has it better" is nothing more than than "the grass is greener on the other side". Conversations get a lot better when you both realize that you're upset with the current system and would rather work together to solve each other's issues stemming from gender inequality, than to bicker endlessly about how one side has it worse.
You answered poorly here. Just unmatch and move on if she doesn't suit your tastes. You risk far too much by responding the way you did, such as being canceled or shamed publicly.
You can hold onto patriarchal beliefs and what-not, just don't come back with surprised Pikachu face when women tell you that "Asian guys are patriarchal".
我觉得，说到底，这有什么关系呢？因为她不会改变她的信仰，你也不会改变你的信仰，如果和一个与他们的信仰相似的人约会对她来说很重要，而你不符合这个条件，那么你们两个就是不相容。你不要撒谎，去说她想听的话，你会变得很痛苦，因为你的意见很明显。
有非常大的一部分女性，特别是亚洲和白人女性认为女权主义很重要。我更愿意用一种移情的方法来理解她们的挣扎，同时仍然很好地代表自己，不放低自己的尊严。很多"谁更有优势"的说法不过是"另一边的草更绿"罢了。当你们都意识到你们对目前的制度感到不满，并宁愿一起努力解决彼此因性别不平等而产生的问题，而不是无休止地争论另一方有多糟糕时，对话就会好很多。
你在这里的回答很差。如果她不适合你的口味，就取消匹配，继续前进。你的反应方式冒的风险太大了，比如被“取消”（注：相当于在微博里挂出来）或公开羞辱。
你可以坚持重男轻女的信念，但不要在女性告诉你"亚洲人重男轻女"时，还一脸惊讶地来这寻求认同。
Damn that is well said without picking a side.
淦，说的真好，不偏不倚。
Best response in this thread.
这个帖子里最好的回复。
I find that most people talking about their beliefs are generally bickering anyways. “I believe this and that” - all BS to make themselves feel like they have a grip on what anything really means. In any case, there are people who are discriminated on some factor they have no control over, and it’s important to acknowledge there are real struggles based on “identity.” However, what does feminism mean anyways and, even further, what the fuck does “believing in it” mean?
It’s all wishy washy BS and as such, you should use these opportunities to see how people think about/see the world rather than necessarily judge the content of beliefs. For one thing, the argument OP made is in some ways the same lame argument parents make about starving third world children. Yea, there are hungry kids out there — does that make you any less hungry if you haven’t eaten at all after an exhausting day? You basically told this woman, “fuck you, you don’t suffer at all” but way too politely. If that’s what you mean to say, then just say it. Stop dressing it up and just speak your truth, better that than to dance around the topic with PC language.
我发现大多数人在谈论他们的信仰时一般都在争吵。"我相信这个，我相信那个"--所有的胡扯都只是想让自己觉得自己掌握了所有事情的真理。无论如何，确实有些人在某些他们无法控制的因素上受到歧视，承认在这些地方确实存在基于“身份”的真正斗争是很重要的。然而，无论如何，女权主义意味着什么，甚至更进一步，"信仰它"他妈的意味着什么？
这都是些虚无缥缈的废话，因此，你应该利用这些机会看看人们是如何思考/看待世界的，而不是一定要评判他们信仰的内容。首先，OP提出的论点在某些方面与父母对“第三世界儿童还在挨饿”所提出的论点一样蹩脚。是的，那里有饥饿的孩子--但是如果你在疲惫的一天后根本没有吃东西，这能使你的饥饿感减少吗？你基本上只是在用一种非常礼貌的方式告诉这个女人，"去你妈的，你根本一点苦都没受过"。如果这是你想说的，那就直接说出来。不要再掩饰了，直接说出你的真相，这比用委婉而政治正确的语言绕过这个话题要好。
Unpopular opinion: Patriarchy is outdated and toxic.
提出一个不受欢迎的观点：父权制是过时的和有毒的。
This is one of the only comments here that doesn't attack either side and isn't fueled by personal motivation
这是这里唯一一个不攻击任何一方也不受个人动机影响的评论
Women's rights are important. The feminist approach has generally done more good than harm, even if there are entire sections of the movement that have been co-opted for other interests (e.g. rich white women grifting).
The wage gap is real but is rather small when all other factors are accounted for. The household labour gap, on the other hand, remains rather fucking enormous regardless of how you try and slice the data.
妇女的权利很重要。但是通常女权主义的做法利大于弊，运动的整个部分被其他利益团体所收编（例如，被富有的白人妇女窃取）。
工资差距是真实存在的，但在考虑到所有其他因素时，这个差距相当小。另一方面，无论你如何尝试和切割数据，家庭劳动力的差距仍然相当他妈的巨大。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
I would try to have a civil discussion with her. It’s a sad fact that these days, we’re more politically polarized than ever before. We make too big of a deal out of our politics. It’s as if it is impossible for us to get along with anyone with a differing political belief. My dad is a republican who voted Trump both in 2016 and 2020, but my mom voted Hillary in 2016 and was solidly democrat up until last year. However, politics was rarely discussed in the house. It just didn’t matter that much to my parents. It held as much weight as whatever sports team you root for. It never impacted their daily lives in a major way.
It can work if you don’t base your whole lives off of politics and you’re both willing to accept the fact that you don’t share identical political beliefs. Maybe try to discuss your viewpoints and exchange some ideas. Try to get her to see things from your point of view, and vice versa. Be civil about it, agree to disagree, and leave it at that.
我会尝试与她进行文明的讨论。一个可悲的事实是，这些天来，我们在政治上比以往任何时候都更加两极化。我们把政治问题看得太重了。仿佛我们不可能与有不同政治信仰的人相处。我爸爸是共和党人，在2016年和2020年都投了特朗普的票，但我妈妈在2016年投了希拉里的票，直到去年都是坚定的民主党人。然而，他们在家里很少讨论政治。它对我父母来说并不重要。它只是像你支持的任何运动队一样重要而已。它从未对他们的日常生活产生过重大影响。
如果你不把你的整个生活建立在政治的基础上，并且你俩都愿意接受你没有相同的政治信仰的事实，那么还是有谈下去的余地的。也许可以尝试讨论你们的观点，交流一些想法。试着让她从你的观点看问题，反之亦然。彼此要有礼貌，同意或不同意，结果都不重要。
Always be honest about your own beliefs and confidently present your point of view. Never say what you think someone else wants to hear, because eventually your lie will be exposed and you’d also subconsciously act suspicious. I’d just stop talking to this girl, or anyone else who you know you wouldn’t get along with in the future. Your time and energy is valuable.
要始终对自己的信念保持诚实，自信地提出自己的观点。永远不要说你认为别人想听的话，因为最终你的谎言会被揭露，你也会下意识地表现出对对方观点的怀疑。如果是我我就会停止和这个女孩说话，或者其他任何你知道你将来不会和他们相处的人。你的时间和精力是宝贵的。
facts. im republican and im straight up honest about my beliefs otherwise its just gonna come up as a future problem. I also believe republican/educated conservative women have values a lot in line with our culture that's family oriented and uphold traditional ideas on gender and whatnot. none of the cosplaying as men bs lol
你说得对。我是共和党人，我对我的信很诚实，否则它就会成为一个未来的问题。我也相信共和党人/受过教育的保守派女性的价值观与我们的文化相一致，即以家庭为导向，维护传统的性别观念和其他东西。
“I don’t know enough, how do you feel?” “But what about this?” “I get that that’s true in society but should we let that come between us?”
"我对此的了解不多，你对这个有什么看法？" "但这又如何呢？" "我明白，在社会上是这样的，但我们应该让这一点横亘在我们之间吗？"
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Wage gap is definitely real but at the highest level positions. Wage gap barely exists for the working class or even the middle class. I ain't no feminist but women do have it harder. Damn there every girl I know was sexually assaulted at least once, most dudes I know naww. Asian women only have it easier when it comes to dating, nothing else. They are more likely to be victims of hate crime and sexual assault. You gave her a very dumb answer. But girls who act like social justice warriors are the worst, you're better off. I don't like wannabe justice warriors
工资差距肯定是真实存在的，但那只是在最高级别的职位上。工薪阶层甚至中产阶级的工资差距几乎不存在。我不是女权主义者，但女性确实更艰难。该死的，我认识的每个女孩都至少被性侵过一次，而我认识的大多数男人都没有。亚裔女性只有在约会方面比较容易，其他方面都不容易。她们更有可能成为仇恨犯罪和性侵犯的受害者。你给了她一个非常愚蠢的答案。但那些表现得像社会正义战士的女孩是最糟糕的，你最好不要。我不喜欢想当正义战士的人。
原创翻译：龙腾网 https://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
holy shit
this one time a jewish girl decided that israel was going to be the topic of our pillow talk conversation (???)
she tried to kick me out afterwards, but i ended up staying the night and leaving in the morning LOL
i still don't understand how a person can so vehemently support unconditional european acceptance of migrants and refugees and still be a zionist, like how do you even begin to reconcile that kind of contradiction?
我靠
有一次，一个犹太女孩决定将以色列作为我们枕边谈话的主题 (???)
她后来想把我赶走，但我最后还是留了一晚上，早上才离开。
我现在还是搞不明白，一个人是怎么能如此强烈地支持欧洲无条件地接受移民和难民，却又是一个犹太复国主义者的，她是怎么能调和这种矛盾的？
You don’t say anything. You have your answer, this person isn’t compatible with you because she will never understand your perspective. Save your energy for someone who can relate to you. Shoot, they don’t even have to relate to you, they can just at least try to understand.
My mom has 6 siblings and came over here to the states from Vietnam with nothing to her name. Her siblings, my grandparents, and 2 cousins (total of 11 people) crammed into a tiny apartment in the ghetto. They were poor and slept with roaches. Early in my life I was poor. Y’all know what it’s like some days eating just rice and an egg because you can’t eat anything else?
They got out of that circumstance through sheer will and determination. Every single one of her siblings and her are successful business owners and my family is thriving because of hard work. Nobody in positions like ours would want to hear some ridiculous liberal shit about “wage inequality”.
你什么都不必说。你有你的答案，这个人与你不相容，因为她永远不会理解你的观点。把你的精力留给那些能与你产生共鸣的人。淦，他们甚至不需要与你产生关系，但他们至少可以试着理解。
我妈妈有6个兄弟姐妹，从越南来到美国，名下一无所有。她的兄弟姐妹、我的祖父母和两个堂兄弟姐妹（共11人）挤在贫民区的一个小公寓里。他们很穷，和蟑螂睡在一起。在我生命的早期，我也很穷。你们都知道有些时候因为没有其他东西吃，只能吃米饭和鸡蛋是什么感觉吗？
他们通过纯粹的意志和决心走出了那种环境。她的每一个兄弟姐妹和她都成为了成功的企业主，我的家庭因为努力工作而兴旺。有过我们这种经历的人，没有人会想听一些关于"工资不平等"的可笑的自由主义狗屁。
all I can say is woke white women and boba liberals are the most insufferable people I encounter.
don't force anything down her throat or else she'll probably find ways to cancel you (posting what you said on twitter) or tell people negative things about you because today if youre not woke (fake woke), youre automatically the enemy and every single aspect of you can be shared on social media
remember according to boba liberal idiots asian men contribute to white supremacy, so not all fights need to be fought and the best revenge is success in silence (basically what immigrants do)
我只能说，清醒主义的白人妇女和Boba自由主义者是我遇到的最令人难以忍受的人。
不要把任何东西强行塞给她，否则她可能会想办法取消你（在推特上发布你说的话）或告诉人们关于你的负面信息，因为今天如果你不清醒（假性清醒），你就自动成为敌人，你的每一个方面都会被他们在社交媒体上分享。
请记住，根据Boba自由主义白痴亚洲人对白人至上主义的贡献，所以不是所有的战斗都需要战斗，最好的报复是在沉默中取得成功（基本上是移民所做的）。
Oh nah you wouldnt wanna deal with a SJW girlfriend
哦不，你不会想和SJW女孩打交道的。
（注：Social justice warrior (SJW) 战士，偏贬义）
I think it can work, but it has to go both ways.. if she wants you to support her views on feminism she should do the same for you regarding racism against Asians. I think it would depend on overall how many values you guys share - if its literally one thing you guys don't agree on and if it doesn't influence your daily lives, then I would think its a non-issue
FWIW I support feminism up to the point where it achieves equality between men and women, but as recent (and not so recent) events have shown us - feminism has significant issues
我认为你们可以谈下去，但它必须是双向的。如果她想让你支持她对女权主义的看法，她也应该在针对亚洲人的种族主义方面为你做同样的事。我认为这将取决于你们有多少共同的价值观--如果这只是你们不同意的一件事，如果它不影响你们的日常生活，那么我认为这不是问题。
我支持女权主义，直到它实现了男女平等，但最近（和不太最近）的事件告诉我们--女权主义有重大问题。
Definitely saved yourself a lot of time by cutting it in the bud now than dealing with a SJW girlfriend later.
请你不要浪费你的时间，就此打住。以后也不要再和SJW女生打交道。
wait why is dating a girl who’s into social justice bad. sorry i might be missing something here and i feel like i’m bordering that type haha
等等，为什么和一个喜欢社会正义的女孩约会是坏事呢。对不起，我可能错过了一些东西，我觉得我正在接近那种类型，哈哈
A lot of Western social justice warriors are band wagoners. Too ignorant to care more than what the media plops in their faces. Overly into cancel culture against anyone who isn't blindly agreeing with them.
They aren't real leftists / progressives.
很多西方的社会正义战士都是一帮跟风狗。他们太无知了，只会随着媒体在他们面前展示的东西起舞。对任何不盲目附和他们的人，他们都会过度地使用取消文化。
他们不是真正的左派/进步人士。
（注：取消文化就是看一个人的观点不符合你心中的正义，就把他的言论挂在社交网络上让他社会性死亡。）
If you are already asking why dating SJWs would be an issue, you're probably not an SJW. SJWs also tend to only see things in black and white, grey zones do not exist in their world, and seeing the world in that manner leads to heavy divide. This is commonly seen in things where people seem to disagree on certain political situations that have occurred, and when someone mentions they disagree because of so-and-so, the explanation could even be something simple as a different viewpoint and SJWs will jump down their throat and you will commonly see dog-piling and even canceling and doxxing attempts. With them, its the its-my-way-or-the-highway. There is also nothing wrong with being more left leaning, I am fairly left leaning myself, but I will not stand SJWs because they are authoritarians.
如果你还在问为什么与SJW约会会是一个问题，那么你可能还没有成为SJW。SJWs倾向于只看到黑白两色的东西，灰色地带在他们的世界里不存在，以这种方式看世界会导致严重的分裂。这常见于人们似乎对某些已经发生的政治局势持不同意见的事情，当有人提到他们因为某某而持不同意见时，SJW们就会猛烈围攻他们，你通常会看到突然一堆人涌入你的帖子辱骂你，甚至把你挂起来和人肉搜索。对他们来说，"不认同我们，你就是敌人"。更加左倾是没有错的，我自己就相当左倾，但我不会忍受SJWs，因为他们是独裁者。
I was married to sjw. Ruined vacation after vacation with why we couldn't do x, y, and z because of how exploitive it was for some shitbag or another. My car gets stolen christmas eve in the ghetto craphole her parents lived in. Her dad makes a remark that black people like big cars (caprice got stolen), her and her shitbag she siblings start calling her dad a racist and start huge fight christmas day. All sorts of racism directed towards asians but I say I don't feel like going to eat bbq in a black area and all of a sudden I'm a klansman. Not worth dating mental cases which vast majority of sjws are.
我曾经和一个sjw结过婚。之后，我一个又一个的假期在她“我们不能做这个/那个，因为这对另一些人的剥削”的理由下被毁掉。圣诞节前夕，我的车在她父母居住的贫民窟里被偷。她爸爸说了一句黑人喜欢大车（被偷的是雪佛兰Caprice），她和她的混蛋兄弟姐妹们就开始骂她爸爸是种族主义者，并在圣诞节那天开始大打出手。明明社会存在各种针对亚洲人的种族主义，而我只说了一句我不喜欢去黑人区吃烤肉，突然间我就成了三K党。所以说不值得浪费时间和精神病人约会，而绝大多数的SJws都是这样。
Luckily majority of the women I've dated have been chill. Progressive enough, but also pragmatic. Where'd you find that one?
幸运的是，我约会过的大多数女人都很冷静。足够进步，但也很务实。你在哪里找到的？
Social justice has this connotation of blind self-righteousness, irrationality, and identity politics. I'd take it over Trumpism but still stay the hell away if i can
社会正义的内涵是盲目的自以为是、非理性和身份政治。我情愿接受特朗普主义也不想里这些人近一点，如果可以的话。
Felt it. There’s a difference between being socially conscious and being an SJW. SJWs still uphold white supremacy unintentionally
我能理解。有社会意识和成为一个SJW是有区别的。sjw仍然无意中维护着白人至上地位
ohhh gotcha. i definitely care about social issues and i’ve participated in a protest here and there but i don’t think i’m exactly an sjw. is it basically just those people on tiktok who identify as non binary and have colored hair and shit? lol
哦哦我懂了。我非常关心社会问题并且时不时参加抗议活动，但我不认为我是一名SJW。你们说的是tiktok 里头发染成各种颜色脑子里只装着双极管的那些人吧？哈哈哈哈。
Yea pretty much, that’s the stereotype but they don’t all exactly come like that now
差不多，不过这是刻板印象，现在并不是完全是这样
If you're Asian, and you care about politics surrounding Asian American Identity, then you definitively are contributing to a matter of social justice. The only thing bad about into social justice, is that it lowers your pool of people you're compatible with, as you probably wouldn't want to date conservative individuals and they probably don't want to date you.
Most women do not need to care about compatibility pool, as its much easier for them to find a date, as long as they are average looking to above. For women in dating, it's a filtering problem, and being into social justice and announcing that is a great tool to filter out men you probably wouldn't want to date in the first place.
And here's my hottest take: men are mad about women who are into social justice because they're frustrated with the fact that there's one fewer woman they can date, and they can't find any "decent traditional women".
So feel free to be as into social justice as you want. Changing what you believe in, in order to simply date makes you a "pick me" girl.
如果你是亚洲人，而且你关心围绕亚裔美国人身份的政治，那么你肯定是在为社会正义问题做出贡献。融入社会正义的唯一坏处是，它降低了你的兼容人群，因为你可能不想和保守的人约会，他们也可能不想和你约会。
不过大多数女性不需要关心兼容性的问题，因为对她们来说，只要她们长得一般，想找到一个约会对象很容易。对于约会中的女性来说，这是一个过滤问题，而宣布支持社会正义是一个很好的用来过滤掉你可能首先不想与之约会的男人的工具。
下面是我的暴论：男人对那些投身于社会正义的女人很生气，因为他们对少了一个可以约会的女人而感到沮丧，他们找不到任何他们心目中"体面的传统女性"。
因此，你可以自由地投入社会正义，只要你想。
Honestly you told her the right thing. That’s what you truly believe and if she disagrees than it’s a good chance you two won’t make a good match. Believe me, I’ve dated several guys with differing political beliefs and it definitely wasn’t something that could “just be accepted” because those political beliefs affected my life
诚实地告诉她你认为正确的事情。这是你的真实想法，如果她不同意，那么很有可能你们俩不会成为好的伴侣。相信我，我曾经和几个有不同政治信仰的人约会过，这绝对不是可以"随便接受"的事情，因为这些政治信仰影响了我的生活。
That's not the kind of conversation I'd have over text. That kind of conversation is fine in person after like a 2nd or 3rd date and you already know/like each other. Over text it's very easy to be misconstrued and appear to be callous and uncaring. In person you can convey nuance and also hear the other person's potentially nuanced point of view.
I'm going to disagree with most of the others in this thread. You won't change her mind and she won't change yours, but you might expose her to a perspective she hasn't come across before, and she may do the same to you, ultimately broadening both of your understandings of a complex topic. You don't need to agree politically on 100% of things with your partner. But you do want to know if you're compatible and can communicate and respect each other enough for a relationship.
如果是我，我不会通过线上短信进行这样的对话。这种对话应该在第二次或第三次约会后，在你们已经了解/喜欢对方的情况下，是可以进行探讨的。而在短信中，它很容易被误解，不面对面，文字会显得冷酷无情。而在人前，你可以传达细微的差别，也可以听到对方潜在的细微的观点。
我不同意这个帖子中大多数人的看法。你不会改变她的想法，她也不会改变你的想法，但你可能会让她接触到她以前没有接触过的观点，她也可能对你做同样的事情，最终拓宽你们两个人对一个复杂话题的理解。你不需要与你的伴侣在政治上达成100%的一致。但你确实想知道你们是否兼容，是否能够沟通并尊重对方，以便建立关系。